A/N: I'm in dire need of a native English-speaking beta reader. If you're willing to help, please, send me an email. Also, corrections to my grammar and usually very funky sentence structures are very welcome indeed. I'm striving to be a better writer.
Memory Remains
"Don't go wandering off alone, there are lots of fiends on the move" Auron said and lowered his sword, leaning to a tree.
They were in Macalania Woods – again. There was something Yuna wanted to do there before finding Sin and engaging in the final battle with it. No one dared to object her. So the party of seven were again in the crystallized, dimly illuminated magical forest that was swarming with fiends. "Bad idea" was the first thing that came to mind when they had to fight two big Chimeras right after they had emerged from Cid's airship.
They were tired from all the previous fighting that had been going on for months now. From time to time Tidus thought he couldn't take it anymore. Even the sweet Curaga cast by Yuna's soothing hands didn't make him feel alright. Sure it kept him from collapsing on the battlefield, but it gave him false energy; it was like using stimulants or steroids. His real strength was gone and although his body was going strong, his spirit was dead tired. Sometimes he felt like he really fell asleep during a fight, vaguely realizing he was still attacking the enemy like berserked. He was like a soldier, a killer without own will. He needed rest; real rest, not magic-induced state of unconsciousness. No Sleep spells to guarantee a good night's rest.
All the others were quite used up as well, but no one ever complained. How could they when Yuna kept on smiling despite the black rings around her eyes and weariness practically radiating off her whole being. Rikku was just like her: joyful, trying to cheer everyone up. Yet no matter how hard she tried, an uncharacteristic sad smile kept shining through her eyes.
Wakka was in really bad shape too, but he didn't complain either. He was sitting on the ground next to Lulu, who was slowly falling asleep, resting her head to Wakka's broad shoulder, holding her Moogle doll in her lap. She was shaking, partly from the cool air, partly from a wound she had gotten in battle.
No one dared to speak about their poor condition; they expected everyone to go on despite the mental or physical pain.
Rikku had climbed into a tree and was trying to get some sleep high in the treetops, above all the blood-thirsty fiends, her anxiety soothed by the cool evening breeze. Kimahri was standing further away, alone, not showing any signs of fatigue or weakness whatsoever. The Ronso was always like that.
Auron however… no one could tell about Auron. His seeing eye was hidden behind the sunglasses and he kept his posture proud and powerful even when carrying his heavy sword.
They were in no shape to fight Sin. They had to rest more before the final battle, but Auron wanted them to go on and fight Sin as soon as possible. Yuna agreed, out of what she thought was still her indisputable responsibility: she still thought there was no other choice. Maybe she really did want to rush into the sweet, releasing arms of death so she or her friends wouldn't have to suffer anymore.
But thoughts about death as a release… that was not like Yuna at all.
Maybe she was sure that they'd find a way to get out of it alive; to get rid of Sin for good and live to tell the tale… that was like Yuna. Though she had known what it meant to be a summoner from the days of an innocent toddler, she had never accepted death. She knew and she was prepared, but still she tried to deny it; tried to find another cause for the same effect: ridding Spira of Sin without losing her own life - or her friends'.
Tidus was still rather spooked by the amount of death and all the other equally grim things the people of Spira had to deal with on everyday basis. For Tidus, death was never something to get acquainted with. He was never going to accept it. He didn't know what was to become of him once Sin was destroyed, but he now shared a dream with Yuna and the others: he wanted to liberate Spira of the omnipotent cycle of death.
He truly believed in their dream and could only hope he wasn't the only one.
Tidus growled. "Yuna wandered away already", he told Auron.
The man glanced meaningfully at him over his sunglasses. "Well, you better go get her back. It's getting dark."
Tidus nodded, grabbed his Caladbolg sword and made his way through the growth. He was sure he knew where Yuna had gone.
It was the big and beautiful ancient tree that had majestically guarded him and Yuna when they had made their promise to each other.
Pyreflies danced on the surface of the shallow, still water; blue, green and red trying to catch each other, trying to find their way to the Farplane. Tidus stepped into the comfortably cool water and tried to look for Yuna. She wasn't there and he had been quite sure to find her there. Maybe on the other side…? He walked a little further into the small lake until the water reached his elbows.
The water felt wonderfully soothing and it washed away most of the aching he felt in his tired limbs. It was all different from Cure; it was real. He hadn't even remembered how good water felt - he thought it might have as well been years since the last time he had swam. He dived into the lake advancing in slow, strong strokes, diving under the roots and then coming back to surface, reaching for air.
Yuna wasn't on the other side of the tree either. Tidus even gazed up into the tree though it was most unlikely of Yuna to have climbed there. Then again, she had surprised him before.
He was just about to leave the tree and the clearing and go look for Yuna from somewhere else (not that he knew any other place the summoner would've gone to), when he saw something glimmering faintly below him, under one of the submerged roots. He dived, reached out his hand and grabbed… a sphere?
Tidus swam back to the shore and sat down to examine his discovery. It was a recording sphere, just like the ones his father had left all around Spira while he was serving as high summoner Braska's guardian.
Tidus felt the flat blue sphere with golden decorative frame around it in his hands, measuring its weight and running his hand over its smooth, glass-like surface. He wondered if he should watch it or not. It was probably someone's personal record sphere, he shouldn't be watching it. Then again, maybe it was one of his father's. Auron never told him how many spheres Jecth recorded during their pilgrimage.
In the end his curiosity won. He was just going to take a peek: if it was his father's he was probably allowed to watch it and if it wasn't… well, he would just turn it off and return it to where he had found it. No harm done.
He turned the sphere on, resolute. It lit up with an unnatural hum and revealed blurry, turquoise scenery. Tidus squinted his eyes to see better through the poor quality of the recording. It seemed like it had been recorded there, in Macalania forest. Tidus recognized the ancient crystallized trees and the turquoise growth bathing in dim, ghostlike light. It had been recorded at night since it was so dark, and only random, lost Pyreflies and pale moonlight reflected from the crystals illuminated the scenery.
The one holding the sphere recorder was moving, making their way through the growth, slashing branches and vines from their way with a sword. The slashes were so swift it was almost impossible to see them, especially through the shaking and blurry image of the sphere. They weren't concentrating on anything in particular, only hacking the persistent vines out of the way.
The holder emerged to a wide opening and Tidus recognized the huge, Pyrefly-illuminated tree in the background. Someone was standing in the shallow water, a foot or two from the spot where Tidus was sitting now. Nothing had changed on the ancient clearing, not a single rock or tree. The one holding the sphere was slowly and quietly approaching the person on the shore. The image kept shaking a bit, but Tidus saw that the person was holding a sword over his shoulder and had wide, muscular back and long black ponytail; a familiar figure, facing the tree.
If Auron's in the recording, it's probably okay to watch it, Tidus figured. As it was the Auron of ten years ago, the sphere holder couldn't be anyone else but Jecth.
"Don't even think about it", Auron in the sphere said with calm, strict voice.
His low voice came out so clearly Tidus had to look around him to make sure it wasn't the real Auron speaking. The young Auron in the sphere was still facing the tree and the one holding the sphere had stopped a few feet away from him.
Then Tidus heard the frighteningly familiar low, scotch-burned voice laugh heartily inside the sphere. The derisive, yet dreadfully joyful laugh Tidus had always hated so much. He shivered; the sphere was certainly one of Jecth's recordings.
"You shouldn't be so tensed up all the time", Jecth spoke with the ever so familiar mocking voice. "Relax a bit, will ya?"
"You say it like it's an easy thing", replied Auron with a distinctive grunt and turned to face Jecth. He looked a lot younger, his face was smooth and serious and his hair was pulled back neatly. Even though he wasn't much older than twenty, there were some wrinkles under his dark eyes. They were not from aging but rather from worrying and weariness. He didn't have the scar over his right eye.
"It is. At least I ain't got a bug up my ass like you do", Jecth shot at him.
Auron inclined his head a little and gave his fellow Guardian a stern look.
Jecth laughed again. "You still mad about that thing earlier?"
"No", replied Auron and continued after a demanding silence, "Never was. I don't even know why I bother arguing with someone like you."
"Because you like it, that's why. Prevents you from feeling so alone", said Jecth, the mocking tone fading slightly. "So we're okay?"
"Of course", said Auron hastily and looked away. "Just… don't go disappearing like that anymore."
"Aww, I got you worried?" Jecth chuckled, the gleefully derisive tone audible again.
Auron dodged Jecth's question quite skilfully and countered it with one of his own. "Are you recording another sphere for your son? Don't you think those eight were enough?" he queried, turning back to face the tree as if it was much better company than cheerfully insolent Jecth.
"Nah, this one's for me", Jecth answered and reached his hand to grab Auron by his shoulder. Auron hurled around to face him again, looking positively annoyed and glaring just past the sphere at its holder.
Jecth's voice was serious when he said, "And I want you in it."
Young Auron looked strangely confused for a second and it seemed to Tidus that he was actually slightly embarrassed. Cold, inexplicable shiver ran down Tidus' spine and he had a sudden urge to shut the sphere off right that instant and throw it back into the lake. After a while of biting his lip and holding the sphere with shaking hands his natural curiosity won over and so he continued to keep his eyes fixed keenly on the sphere.
"Why?" managed Auron.
"If I ever get back to my Zanarkand I will have something to remember", replied Jecth after a short silence.
"You don't trust your memory?"
"Hell yeah I do! I just like having concrete memories, something material. Old memories can fade away, no matter how much you treasure them. This one, however, will remain forever. It's still here even after I die."
Auron remained quiet.
"There's also something else I want to take with me", declared Jecth craftily and Auron disappeared from the surface of the sphere as it rocked heavily and was suddenly recording the starry night sky, dancing Pyreflies and shimmering turquoise treetops.
When the image was finally restored and the sphere had stopped rocking, Tidus saw his father kissing Auron, his left arm wrapped around Auron's waist and the right stretched to the side, holding the sphere recorder up. Auron looked almost as confused as Tidus did at the moment, but soon his wired shoulders relaxed and he closed his eyes, giving willingly into Jecth's fierce kiss.
Tidus couldn't believe his eyes. He kept staring at the sphere without registering a thing. He was actually afraid to think what he was feeling at the time.
"I would want to take you with me, but you probably wouldn't come, so I won't even bother to ask", Jecth said after breaking the kiss. His fingers were tracing the outlines of Auron's jaw. Then the image rocked violently.
"Tidus, what are you doing?" Tidus heard Auron say and it took him a while before he even realised that it wasn't the young Auron of ten years ago in the sphere talking, but the very much present Auron behind him. Tidus hurled around in panic and tried to hide the sphere behind his back. Auron stood a couple of feet away from him, tall and grand, his sword lifted over his shoulder as always. His expression was bewildered.
"I would come, but I – I can't -" said sphere-Auron behind Tidus' back.
A sudden breeze blew across the opening, embraced the two men and captured the last recorded words, hurrying away and leaving a perfect, unbreakable silence after it. Tidus saw it was quite useless to try to hide the sphere, so he brought it into his lap and clicked it shut. Then he just stared at Auron, hoping he would say something, maybe get mad. Auron's gaze bounced from Tidus to the sphere and back.
"What are you doing here?" he asked casually, eyes fixed on Tidus.
"Looking for Yuna."
"She came to the campsite a few minutes ago."
Tidus blinked and stared into the void past Auron's right ear, playing with the sphere in his hands.
"What is that?" Auron asked finally.
Tidus was sure the man knew perfectly well. There was inexplicable hurt in Auron's eyes; something Tidus had never seen before. It scared him and for some bizarre reason made him feel vulnerable. He felt like he was losing all control of things; the delicate strings of self-control suddenly loosening in his hold. Fears were about to take over; fears he had succeeded in keeping chained down. Fear of death, fear of loss, fear of vanishing from this world that had suddenly became his only home, fear of never seeing Yuna again...
"A sphere", he answered bluntly.
The more he felt defenceless, the more he felt anger slowly gather inside him. It would've been okay if the sphere had been a sick joke (and he actually wanted to believe it was), but the serious Auron standing in front of him was proof that the sphere held the truth – much to his terror.
Auron and Jecth had apparently had some kind of a relationship. The sphere became awfully heavy on his lap with the thought.
His father and… Auron?
Auron?
But Jecth was still married to Tidus' mother when he disappeared! Jecth was married when he arrived in Spira and met summoner Braska and became his guardian, alongside with Auron. Jecth was married. With Tidus' mother!
With my mother!
Rage washed over Tidus like a tidal wave and his hold tightened around the cool sphere. His whole being tensed and his stare hardened and he saw Auron taking a defensive stance, noticing that something was wrong.
"Try to forget what you saw", Auron said hastily and turned to leave.
"Don't you try to run away again!" Tidus yelled at him, his voice shaking from trying to restrain his anger. "What the hell was that? What were you doing with my old man!"
Auron stopped dead on his tracks, closed his eyes and remained silent.
"Answer me!"
"It was nothing. You were never supposed to see that sphere, I'm sorry", Auron said after a short eternity, glancing at Tidus over his shoulder.
Tidus' breathing was heavy and he felt tears coming. He stared at Auron with utter disgust. "You're always running away from yourself", he said and tossed the record sphere at Auron, who captured it from air. With those merciless words Tidus left the opening and disappeared into the forest, leaving Auron alone.
The old record sphere's weight felt unnatural in his hand. So this was where Jecth had left that particular sphere; he didn't take it with him after all. The question still remained: did he leave it for Tidus to see, or for Auron?
Auron felt the sphere on his palm. It was cool, smooth, perfectly round and flat and its heaviness was probably only Auron's imagination. Such heavy memories...
That day the summoner Braska and his two guardians, a young, talented warrior Auron and a strange foreigner Jecth - who claimed to be from Zanarkand, the infamous city of forbidden machina - advanced from Bevelle to the northern parts of Macalania Woods. Braska's pilgrimage was almost done, they only needed to cross the Calm Lands and the mountains of Gagazet and then they'd be in Zanarkand, ready to receive the Final Aeon and finally fight Sin.
Jecth was getting more and more excited every day. He never believed that Zanarkand was in ruins, he kept saying that it was a great city that never slept. Braska just smiled mysteriously, like he always did, but Auron had been telling Jecth all along that he must have been dreaming. There was nothing in Zanarkand except rubble and the only things that could party there all night long were Pyreflies and fiends. Where did Jecth come from anyway?
"From Zanarkand, asshole, didn't I already tell you?" Jecth would answer every time and Auron would then enlighten him patiently that Zanarkand was destroyed a thousand years ago.
In time he had grown tired of telling his fellow guardian the same old story again and again. Patience was replaced with sheer irritation.
Although the two of them didn't seem to get along at all and all they did was fight and taunt each other with endless enthusiasm, there was more to their relationship than eye could see. It was Jecht who first found himself attracted to the younger man, his serious nature and good looks. He kept his feelings to himself for a long time and his interaction with Auron was limited within the loose boundaries of name-calling, friendly fighting, endless debating and drunken stories about his Zanarkand, Blitzball career, lovely wife and little son.
It was then when Auron found out he really liked the older man. Jecth was an untouchable, distant man whose best offence and defence altogether was his sharp tongue, but under his hardened scales pulsed a heart of pure gold. He was gentle and loving, but suffered from severe alcoholism and bad self-confidence. Jecth tried to hide it all beneath his (drunken) toughness.
One night at Moonflow Jecth got himself totally blasted, mistook one of the Shoopufs as a fiend and attacked it with all his might. The Shoopuf got away with a scratch, but Braska had to pay for the damage from their travelling cash. They barely had the money to cross the Moonflow. Jecth had the century's worst hangover the following morning and he was so ashamed he made a promise to never drink again. Auron made fun of his big decision after scolding him, naturally.
"You'll see", Jecth had scowled at him.
Auron doubted Jecth's vow since he had already seen that the older man was a chronic alcoholic. Much to his surprise Jecth didn't touch drinks ever since, and he stayed sober for the remaining days of Braska's pilgrimage.
They were advancing to Djose Temple when Jecth finally told Auron how he felt (or rather, didn't – Auron just got that kind of impression after having been kissed right out of the blue). They had to sleep outside since they still didn't have enough money to stay in one of Travel Agencies. Braska was residing their only tent so Auron and Jecth slept outside, taking turns in watching the campfire so it wouldn't go out.
Surely that wasn't all they did that night.
Jecth said that quitting drinking had made a new man out of him.
Auron had agreed, chuckling.
They never told Braska, though. The summoner had enough problems on his shoulders as it was, they didn't want him to start worrying about his guardians being involved. They forgot that Braska was remarkably bright; he had probably figured it out the very next morning. It wasn't every day he saw his guardians bickering with wide grins plastered across their faces. Braska never said anything, the clever man he was, just pretended he didn't know and didn't see what his guardians engaged in behind his back. He just kept on smiling that sad, kind and mysterious smile.
Yes, smile indeed.
"Smile", Braska had always commanded. "No matter how bad the things are, just remember to smile and you will see that every cloud has a silver lining". That was what he always used to say. His sweet, sincere naivety was amongst the things Auron most liked about him. Braska was so kind it was hard for him to slaughter even the nastiest of fiends. Usually he'd just summon an Aeon to finish the job, turning his head away when the lifeless fiend would collapse to the ground, its body breaking down into a colourful flock of Pyreflies.
Braska also missed his daughter, Yuna. He kept on talking about her all the time, how beautiful she was and how she was going to be a summoner one day, just like her father.
Auron thought it was strange: why would anyone wish for a fate like that for their own child? Then again, he wasn't a summoner and he didn't have children, so he would probably never know.
Jecth didn't mention his own son, Tidus, very often. He was – or so Jecth said – the same age as Yuna and a pathetic cry-baby who would never become anything important. Those kind of words hurt Braska and he used to scold and lecture Jecth for saying so mean things about his own son.
No matter what horrendous frogs concerning his son kept on leaping out of Jecth's mouth, Auron knew that the man loved his son more than anything. Jecth just wasn't the kind of a person to freely admit it. He saw all that trouble recording spheres and leaving them all around Spira, hoping that Tidus would one day enter this strange world just like he had entered and find those spheres and learn from them; learn about Jecth's true feelings.
Jecth said his son despised him more than anything and that he deserved it. What could a father do then?
Disappear.
He hated the fact that he had had to leave his son without saying anything, without telling him about his feelings, and that's why he recorded all those spheres.
There was only one thing Jecth never showed Tidus in his spheres. Auron didn't know why and he used to feel a bit hurt because of it. Was Jecth embarrassed of their relationship? Was he afraid?
Auron never asked.
Then Jecth had left his own sphere - the only one he recorded just for himself - in Spira. He didn't take it with him; he didn't keep it to himself for even one day. It was no coincidence that the sphere was found from the exact same place where it had been recorded.
That sneaky bastard, Jecth.
Auron smiled at himself, turning the sphere slowly around in his hands as if measuring it. He was thinking: to watch, or not to watch? Be painfully reminded of things that were or to be left safe and sound in this cradle of falsehood and sweet ignorance?
Auron remember that night well. Well enough to realize that concretely seeing it would only break his heart again.
On the other hand, he was a hopeless nostalgic - and romantic too, though none of his current fellow Guardians would ever believe it. That side of himself he had shown to only one person in his entire life; the most important person in his life. That damned bastard him, who was now living his revengeful so-called life as a giant toad.
Reviving memories was something Auron had to do in this afterlife, whether or not he'd end up getting his heart shattered. Not that it would matter anymore.
He sat down on the waterfront, his feet in the shallow water. He stared at the sphere; looking at it as if it'd open up and bite his head off any moment. Then he grunted and an amused and tense smile flickered on his lips for a split second.
He clicked the sphere on.
It played from the beginning. Auron saw Jecth hacking and slashing through the turquoise growth, he saw himself standing ankle-deep in the water, he heard Jecth's annoying scotch-burned laughter and he saw the kiss.
During all that time his heartbeat was trying to deafen him.
The sphere was firmly sucking his consciousness in.
He remembered everything, even all that what wasn't shown in the sphere and when the recording suddenly stopped, his thoughts went on, continuing smoothly from where the sphere had left off. Jecth's sphere on his palm was quiet and cyan again.
They had had a stupid fight earlier that day, about some insignificant, trivial matter, like whether to invest their money in Softs or Eye Drops: Auron didn't even remember anymore. Might as well have been about which turn to take or would Luca Goers win the Blitzball Cup. Most likely it had been about Zanarkand. The closer they got to the ruins of the once so glorious city, the more excited and impatient Jecth grew. He had a volatile personality that clashed terribly with Auron's resolute and generally calm one, so of course they were fighting non-stop, despite being companions, partners, fellow guardians, lovers and all that jazz.
Auron still didn't believe Jecth was really from Zanarkand. He wanted to, but he just wasn't that much of an idealist. The thought was rather confusing, because if Jecth wasn't from Zanarkand Auron had no idea where could he be from and why he believed he was from Zanarkand with such fervour.
Jecth being from Zanarkand – it made absolutely no sense.
Jecth had been moping because of the fight and had ventured away on his own the moment they decided to take a break at Macalania Woods. Auron got worried when Jecth had been gone for more than half an hour. He might've been a guy with tremendously short fuse, but his resentment didn't last for long. Usually he forgot within five minutes what it was that had made him so mad in the first place.
Auron couldn't help but think that maybe he had really done it this time and Jecth had left - permanently. Maybe he had wandered off and headed for Zanarkand on his own accord, tired of being accused a liar.
It was unforgivable for a guardian to leave his summoner alone, but Braska had encouraged Auron to go look for Jecth. He had told him with a hint of a smirk that he wasn't going to survey Auron stomping around their room like a caged tiger the whole night. Moreover, he was in an inn with a bunch of other summoners and their guardians, what could possibly happen.
Auron had his misgivings about leaving Braska alone, but he also had misgivings about not knowing where Jecth had gone. He could never forgive himself if something would happen to Braska when he was gone, and he could definitely never forgive himself if Jecth had left because they had a silly superficial brawl about something utterly insignificant.
He had bowed down before Braska and apologised humbly a dozen times before Braska practically drove him out of the room.
Auron had set out to find Jecth without any clue from where to start looking. Dragging his heavy sword and black ponytail flying in his wake he dashed down the small paths, trying to get a glimpse of tanned, tattooed skin or dirty brown hair or…
He emerged to an opening with a small lagoon and a huge tree. Pyreflies danced around the crystallized tree and on the surface of clear, still water. Exhausted from all the running he walked to the waterfront and into the lake and stopped there to gaze up to the treetops.
Maybe he should go back. What if Braska was in trouble? What if fiends had attacked the inn? Or what if one of the other summoners or guardians was an undercover assassin and set out to kill Braska or… what if Jecth was lying somewhere on the brink of death, barely breathing, on the mercy of some nasty fiend?
What if Jecth was already back in the inn?
He would laugh so hard he'd end up completely out of breath. "Don't you know me at all!" he would laugh and mock Auron just for the heck of it.
Auron sighed and cast his eyes down.
Maybe he ought to get back to the inn. With Jecth, now as the goddamn devious asshole was standing right behind his back, probably smirking like some kind of an idiot and about to shove him head-first into the lake.
"Don't even think about it", he grunted calmly.
Jecth laughed at him and told him to ease up a bit. Auron usually found it annoying how Jecth could be so calm despite the circumstances: he used to say there was no reason to worry, he had always ended up as a winner and he wasn't going to let his streak of luck end just yet. Not before he'd know it was his time to go. Auron couldn't just relax, not until Braska's pilgrimage was over and Sin was gone for good. He was sure that if he'd let down his guard even for a split second something terrible would happen.
How could he relax when Jecth always made him worry so?
He asked what was it that Jecth was recording and Jecth told he was doing one sphere just for himself. He wanted Auron in it. Then he had kissed him and Auron, no matter how used to the feeling of Jecth's lips on his own he was, couldn't help a jolt in the pit of his stomach. The damned bastard always succeeded in doing the unexpected.
"I would want to take you with me, but you probably wouldn't come, so I won't even bother to ask", Jecth had said, serious for a change.
Auron had to think about it for a moment. He closed his eyes and opened his mouth to give an answer, but the words didn't come. He snapped his mouth shut and tried again, casting his eyes on the ground. "I would come, but I – I can't -"
What hurt the most was the fact that it was the truth. Wherever it was Jecth belonged, where he had really come from - Auron didn't belong there.
"I know", Jecth replied, sounding slightly frustrated. He lowered the sphere recorder he had been holding up so that they both would show on the recording and shut it off, taking the sphere out and placing the recorder on the ground. "I dunno, but closer we get to Zanarkand the more I feel like you might be right."
Normally Auron would've felt quite accomplished because Jecth had indirectly admitted Auron had been right all along and normally Jecth would've rather gotten stabbed in the stomach than admitted that he had been wrong.
"So where do you think you belong now?" Auron asked.
Jecth sighed, scratching his neck. "In a goddamn dream, I honestly dunno anymore."
"It does feel like a dream every once in a while", said Auron.
"No shit", Jecth admitted and laughed again. "Not that I'd complain. Let's just go to Zanarkand and get this goddamn thing over with."
"Agreed", said Auron, turning back to leave the clearing. Strong arms snaked around his waist, leaving his effort to go nothing but a mere attempt.
"I didn't really mean going right now."
Auron could hear the grin in Jecth's voice. "You do realise that Lord Braska's all alone in the inn?"
"I understand he let you leave so it kinda figures that he can't be in some mortal peril" was Jecth's comeback and Auron had to admit it was rather a good one as comebacks went. Auron was very conscious in what came to his duty as a guardian, but Jecth breathing in his ear made his resolution falter.
It can't hurt, just a few more minutes…
Auron hadn't expected that Jecth would actually push him on the ground, strip him down and have sex with him right there, on the clearing, their legs in the shallow water. Then again, he faintly recalled how he had been thinking only a moment ago how Jecth always managed to do the unexpected. It wasn't the strangest place they had had sex (Auron didn't want to remember the recent event in Besaid, but was of course reminded of it: they had grown very bored and very horny while Braska was praying in the Chamber of the Fayth. He was surprised Yevon hadn't yet smote them both down. Then again, doing it at Thunder Plains without a shelter of any kind – talk about unsafe sex), but it was still rather unexpected, all things considered.
He had hoped to be on his way back to the inn in few minutes, but half an hour later he was still curled up next to Jecth in the waterfront, just enjoying the soothing feeling of Jecth's calloused fingers brushing against his shoulder and listening night wind blow through the treetops. It was good and if it only were possible, he would've gladly stayed there for the rest of his life. Life in Spira wasn't all about death, even though it seemed like it most of the time. Some brief moments made people forget: made them feel genuinely happy.
It would've been perfect if it hadn't been for Auron knowing that it wouldn't last. He was sure Jecth knew it as well and that was the sole reason why they hadn't yet left for the inn. Reality was slowly pushing in through the veil of passing make-believe.
"We should go", Auron had finally said silently.
"Yeah", Jecth had replied inattentively, reaching out to give Auron one last kiss before getting up. "Don't want to keep our destinies waiting."
Tidus wanted to see the Moonflow before going to fight Sin. They had already located the nasty fiend somewhere in the ocean and it was just that time when Tidus remembered what Yuna and others had told him about the Moonflow. He wanted to see it in sunset. Maybe it was going to be the last significant thing he'd see in his life. After what everyone had told him, he figured Moonflow in sunset was probably just the sight he'd be glad to take with him to his grave.
Surprisingly no one had anything against visiting Moonflow before the last battle. Everyone wanted to do all that was possible to delay the inevitable without Yuna realizing that they were actually trying to stall her.
Fortunately Yuna couldn't deny anything from Tidus.
After reaching the Moonflow Tidus couldn't but admit that everyone had been right: Moonflow was beyond all words. They only stood and watched in peaceful, compassionate silence. Everyone knew this could be the last thing they'd see of their beloved Spira. For Tidus it was just a stunning sight because in the end he had no significant binds with this world; at least not like the ones the others had. Spira had become his home during these few action-filled months and now there was longing and pain of departure in his chest.
Lulu let out a small sigh and Wakka wrapped his arms protectively around her.
"'tis getting cold. Me and Lu are going back to the ship", said Wakka and turned to leave, Lulu clinging to his side.
"Wait for me!" exclaimed Rikku and ran after the couple, followed by ever so silent Kimahri.
Yuna stretched her hand out and her fingers entwined with Tidus'. She smiled her usual gentle smile. "Are you coming?"
Tidus cleared his throat and glanced sideways at Auron, who was still standing on a rock in the waterfront, facing the tranquil river. Tidus wanted to talk to him privately about what had happened in Macalania forest. He hadn't gotten a chance to do so earlier and it was probably now or never.
"No, I'll - I'll stay for a little while. It's real pretty, you know", he said and smiled nervously.
Yuna nodded, squeezed Tidus' hand gently and let it go. "I know", she said softly and left.
Tidus was left alone with Auron and the impressive beauty that was the Moonflow.
Auron was facing the glimmering river and gave out no signs that he even registered Tidus still standing there, staring at him intensively. "What do you want?" he finally spoke in monotonous voice.
"You know perfectly well", Tidus said unnecessarily harshly.
Auron kept staring at the Moonflow, not speaking a word.
"I want to know what the thing was with you and my old man."
"I already told you, it was nothing", Auron replied nonchalantly.
Tidus was surprised that these words actually hurt him more than the truth did and made fury grow uncontrollable inside him. He clenched his fists and ground his teeth together.
"You don't give a shit, do you?" he snarled. "First I thought it was just a sick joke, but then you came along and I saw your face and I knew it was nothing like that. You and my old man had something going on. Did it even mean anything to you?" He tried hard to control his shaking voice, suddenly feeling helpless while rage was leading him on.
Auron remained silent and stared at the horizon, expressionless. Pyreflies were dancing amongst the pale lavender-coloured moonlilies just above the clear water, shining like jewels in the golden red light of setting sun. Tidus felt almost sad he couldn't be as calm as Auron and just stand and admire the exquisite scenery.
"I should've known. You've always been just like that, an emotionally retarded asshole who doesn't care about anything or anyone! Being dead doesn't mean you should stop giving a shit, does it?" he hissed, faintly realising he was going too far.
Auron closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "He meant more than anything to me. More than the pilgrimage and guarding Braska: more than fighting Sin", he said slowly, voice completely toneless. "There was a time I wanted to close my eyes, forget and run away, but we still had our duties to fulfil and in the end it was the most important thing; not only for me, but also for him."
Auron was silent for what felt like an eternity. Then he took another deep breath and continued, as calm and emotionless as ever, "All that is gone now and it's never coming back. When it's too late, you have to let go. I might be a mere memory, but I still have a duty to fulfil and it's still what's most important to me."
Tidus stared at Auron, amazed. He thought he heard bitterness and pain of loss in the older man's voice and now, standing in the sleeping sunlight, Pyreflies illuminating his outlines, he looked fragile and vulnerable.
"That was what you wanted to hear."
It was more a concluding statement than a question and like Auron had intended, it ended the conversation. He turned around and walked past Tidus, not looking at him.
"We're leaving in five minutes, don't stay too long".
Tidus nodded powerlessly and listened to Auron's metal-clad footsteps die away slowly.
After making sure he was alone, a tiny smile rose to his lips. "So you really want to save my old man, huh?" He turned to face the river and noticed that Auron had left a sphere – the sphere - lying on the rocks. He took it and held it in his hand. It was slightly warm from the sunlight.
He glanced across the Moonflow and clutched the smooth, flat sphere in his hand. Pyreflies were gone now. It was so beautiful, peaceful and quiet that Tidus felt his heart was about to burst.
"You remember that too, Jecth" he said to himself and tossed the sphere into the river. "It's never too late."