Don't ya know

by aprileagle

COMPLETE! Life can be hard. Especially when you are a teenager. When you see strange shadows. When you realize that you are a little bit different from the other girls in your class. When you recognize that you are in love with your best friend...

5. Chapter 4: Worth a thousand lies

Chapter four: Worth a thousand lies

It was almost dawn as they returned home. It was snowing and the sea was very calm. No sea birds were screaming. Hotaru knew that she should be tried. First the long drive to the airport. The longest way she had ever driven a car by herself. Of course her daddy sat beside her to help her whenever she would have done a mistake. Of course she didn't do one. She was her daddy's daughter. Her uncle Sejya sat behind her and she could hear him saying silent prayers. Until she turned the radio on and he started to sing along. For the first time Hotaru could remember her daddy didn't tease the young singer around. She just let him sing. And it seemed that she even enjoyed it. Then there had been the long fly back to Tokyo. But Hotaru didn't feel tired. She was awake and excited. This was her home. The place where she belonged to. The house she didn't see during the past months. She had missed so much. Although Marie helped her a lot to forget that homesickness time by time.

There was no light on. All people seemed to be in bed. Hotaru shortly glanced at her watch. It was six in the morning. Surely Mayumi and Miyuki were sleeping. There was no school tomorrow. No work. Maybe Ami had to be in the hospital, but the rest of the big family could sleep as long as they wanted. And surely they all used their chance.

Haruka opened the door and stumbled. Her fever rose during the flight and all she wanted to do was to go to bed. Sejya was by her side the next moment and held her tight. Leaded her upstairs and to the sleeping room. The bed was empty. It wasn't even touched yet.

"Oh no!" Haruka groaned and sat down on the soft mattress. "I am going to kill her conductor." She let Sejya strip her pants and her pullover. Then she laid back and closed her eyes. She was asleep the next moment. Hotaru stepped nearer and covered her ill daddy with a soft blanket and gave her a kiss on her burning cheeks.

The fly must have been a torture for her.

She only did it for me!

"Do you really think that she's still at the opera?" Sejya frowned as they closed the door silently behind them.

"You know my mommy." Smiled Hotaru. Suddenly she felt happy. As happy as she hadn't felt the past months. Only on the promotion when everyone adored her piano play. Here she was home. Smiling she went through the corridor of the house she grew up. It all looked so familiar. The same way it had looked when she left it in September. Nothing seemed to have changed. There were only some new paintings on the wall. It looked as if her mommy found a little bit time to draw again. But it was too dark to see what she drew. Surely the wide ocean or the endless sky. Or some people of the crazy family.

"Better I'll go home now. Kakyuu is surely waiting for me." Whispered Sejya who didn't want to wake anyone up. "Are you sure that I can leave you alone?"

"No problem." Hotaru nodded, her dark eyes sparkled. "I know where everything is." Shortly she embraced him. "Arigato that you took care for my daddy, uncle Sejya."

Hotaru believed to see how the young singer blushed in the darkness.

"Hey, I couldn't resist. The meals in the plane are for free and always so delicious." He winked and opened the door to go over to his car. To drive home. To creep into his wife's embrace after he would look for a long time at his sleeping son. His little sunshine.

"Princess?" The voice was full of sleep. They both froze and Hotaru turned her head a little bit. Her mommy stood in the dark corridor. She was wearing a long, white night dress and looked almost like a ghost. A beautiful ghost.

Did she wait for us?

"Mommy?" Hotaru gulped and the next moment she laid in those soft arms. Michiru simply held her tight. Quietly she sobbed and it seemed as if she never wanted to let go.

"My little princess..." she whispered and rocked her gently. Just like she had always done when Hotaru had been a small child. Now she was grown up. Sixteen, almost seventeen years old. But right now she felt as if she was just six years again. As if she would still on her mommy's lap and brushing those wonderful sea green strands. Telling her what she had seen on the race track. That her daddy won another race. That she was really proud of her. And Michiru would smile back at her little daughter. With love in those deep blue eyes.

Finally, after what seemed to have been eternity, they separated. Sejya still stood in the door. He wanted to make sure that they all were fine before he went home.

"Haruka's upstairs?"

"Hai, she's already sleeping."

"Hope she didn't bother you too much."

"Nope. She slept almost the whole time. It was heavenly."

"Arigato, Sejya. You're a good friend."

The singer blushed again and only waved his hand. Then he closed the door behind himself and they could hear him driving away in his car.

"Let's bring you to bed, princess. Today's a big shopping day and tomorrow will be Christmas. Minako planned something big. Guess it's better for all of us to be awake..."

"... to rescue the house of being burned." Finished Hotaru her sentence and they both giggled knowing. The last Sylvester Minako wanted to give a big firework and the show ended when they all stood on the balcony and tried to erase a burning roof.

Again Michiru took her daughter in her arms, still not able to believe that her little girl actually returned from America for Christmas.

"I am very happy to have you here again. We're all very happy, princess."

dbdbdb

Michiru crept under the warm blanket and embraced her love. Haruka yawned and opened her tired eyes. Still feverish looking eyes.

"Are you angry, Michi?" It was a sleepy whisper. Michiru only shook her head and kissed her wife tenderly.

"No, Ruka." She whispered back and stroke carefully through messed blonde hairs. "You did the right thing." Michiru felt how Haruka sighed relieved and leaned her head against her shoulder. Her forehead was hot and Michiru knew that she would go with her wife to the doctor when Haruka would wake up again. No matter how much the senshi of wind protest.

"I love you, Ruka."

An undefinable mumble answered her. A warm hand squeezed her own one softly. Michiru giggled and kissed her lover goodnight.

dbdbdb

It was silent in the light house by the sea. Strangely silent. As silent as Hotaru couldn't remember. The tall girl went downstairs. She only wore her bathrobe and her hairs looked messed. It took her a long time until she fell asleep. But when she finally found sleep she didn't awake before lunchtime. Shortly she looked into the kitchen and read the letter laying on the table. It was telling her that her parents were at hospital. Ami who had to work today to have some days off over the holidays wanted to examine the ill car racer again. The rest of the crazy family went shopping. Makoto fetched Minako and the two girls up and they wouldn't return before evening. There stood food in the microwave oven. Chicken as Hotaru recognised as she opened it. But she wasn't hungry.

Tomorrow is Christmas.

Hotaru already had all her presents. Originally she wanted to send them during the holidays. So that she had at least something to do in the empty school. But now that her daddy took her home she could give them personally to all those crazy aunts and uncles.

Surely little darling will be there, too.

Hotaru bought something for her, too. It was nothing special, nothing personal. A CD Chibiusa always wanted to have but never bought because it had been to expensive for her little pocket money.

Little darling...

Hotaru sighed deeply. Suddenly her hunger and her appetite were gone. Shortly she went over to the living room and took a CD out of the CD player. Then she went over to their swimming room and put the bathrobe down. She didn't care that she was naked. The water was always pleasant warm and no one would look through the windows. They had no neighbours. Besides the snow was so high and the glass frozen from the outside, it was impossible to watch her swimming.

Snow...

It was strange how quick she got used to the hot climate in America. Here in Japan it was snowing the whole night and surely the whole day so long and Hotaru froze like hell. She turned her heating up to the limit and wore the whole night a thick pullover. But still she wasn't really warm.

A nice bath will help me.

She put the CD in the player that always stood here and soon soft violin music was filling the air. Accompanied by a tender piano. Hotaru loved that CD. Her parents had recorded it before her birth. When they both had been her age and fell in love with each other. The melody was full with feelings Hotaru understood so well.

But for them it had been happy feelings...

Hotaru took a deep breath and slowly glided into the nice water. She loved the water. Just like her mommy who swam every day in their personal swimming pool.

Mommy.

Daddy.

They really brought her home. Simply like that. Just like Haruka had promised her. That she only had to call her up and that she would be there as soon as possible.

Hotaru spread her arms on the surface and closed her eyes. Weightless she floated over the water and enjoyed every second. She smiled in the memory of her little sister sneaking into her room in the morning. Creeping under her blanket and sleeping there as long as Minako had to wake her up. To get her ready for the shopping tour. Yuki-chan only left as Hotaru promised her sleepily that she would be there when the little girl would return in the evening.

I missed you, too, little honey.

She moved her feet and her smile grew wider as she heard the water falling down. How much she had missed that feeling. Here, in that swimming pool. The loud music sounded blurred in her eyes but that was okay. She knew the melody by heart. Her mind automatically added the notes that were missing in the water. She hadn't been allowed to touch the school's swimming pool again after her breakdown. Linda had been very strict and concerned with her and so she had to do little tasks during the lessons. To stop the time during the competition swimming. To collect some towels or simply to look that no one would drown. Cindy didn't say a word any longer. She didn't blame her again that she didn't take part at the jumping. No one ever dared to say a word. More than once the pupils looked at the tower, seeing again Hotaru's perfect dive. Seeing again the lifeless body in the water. They all were very happy that nothing worse happened and simply let her in peace. Just once Marie couldn't keep silent. When Cindy made a mistake and her dive looked really bad, she shouted at her that even Hotaru could do a better dive. Cindy had looked for some seconds angry before she burst out into laughter and declared that she had no chance again a former Champion. Hotaru had no idea why, but Cindy found out. Somehow. Maybe over her father or she simply asked Linda. But since that statement all pupils had high respect of her and some even asked her how to improve their technique during the dive.

Arigato, Marie.

Hotaru felt the water moving her hairs and hummed quietly to the soft melody.

Marie was the only one she didn't have a present for right now. She simply didn't have the time. Too much happened. First Kevin's accident. Then her own breakdown. And finally the Christmas promotion. But Hotaru was positive about the present. She would stay for about two weeks in Tokyo. Enough time to find something suitable. To make Marie a little joy with a typical Japanese present.

I am sure that mommy will love those ear rings.

Of course Haruka had to tell her what she was giving her wife for Christmas. As they always had shared that big Christmas. Since Hotaru could remember. It always made her proud that her daddy trusted her so much. And she never, not even once, betrayed it. They talked a lot during their drive to the airport. Soon Sejya accompanied in their conversation and soon Hotaru knew about almost everything that happened during the past months. She got to know more about the school festival and what great Garcon May-chan had been. She got to know more about her mommy's concerts. Sejya and Minako would sing along with her. They were all sold out. As every year. Hotaru couldn't await to see her mommy play again. Of course all senshi got a free ticket. They told her about Rei who planted new Cherry trees. But she wanted to have special trees and so they spend weeks for searching them. Everywhere in Japan. And finally they found them – just some metres away from Rei's temple. They told her how Makoto won an important cooking competition. That she was now allowed to write a book about cooking and that she and Minako spend evenings in preparing delicious dinners. Mostly Makoto cooked while Minako tried to steal the food. For two evenings Usagi tried to help, too. Of course it ended in a catastrophe. Not even Makoto's dog wanted to eat the meat any longer.

Granny is coming, too.

Hotaru's grandmother, Haruka's mother, also wanted to come for Christmas. Hotaru couldn't await to see her. She didn't meet her for almost a year. An old, friendly lady who loved her grandchildren more than everything on the world. Since her husband died she travelled all around the world and only came home to Japan to plan the next journey. So they got almost every months a little package with treasures from all parts of the earth.

This is going to be a great Christmas.

The music died away. First Hotaru didn't notice it. She still hummed and dreamed of her granny sitting beneath the Christmas tree and telling them stories she heard in Africa. Or in South America. Or in Australia. Surely Yuki-chan would sit on her granny's knees and listen to her with big eyes. Just like Haruka would giggle every time her mother would invite a little bit to improve the action of the story. Just like the lion she met in the Congo two years ago. She saved and danced with in the end before they had to separate.

A great Christmas with all those crazy people. Just as crazy as I.

Hotaru giggled and opened her eyes. And gulped some water because she winced hard as she saw the shadow standing at the rim of the pool. Now she noticed that there was no music any longer. That she had heard it only from the memory of her mind.

How long is she standing there?

Hotaru's eyes grew wide as she looked over to a grinning Chibiusa. She wore dark green pants and a thick jacket in the same colour. A yellow cap throned on her head and covered her ears and almost her sparkling eyes. Her two braided plaits laid between the ends of her yellow scarf over her shoulders. She held suitable gloves in her hands.

She looks so cute.

Hotaru gulped and choked as more water ran into her opened mouth.

So beautiful...

"Hello, Taru." Chibiusa smiled and Hotaru wondered what she should reply. What to say. She hadn't been prepared yet. She thought that she wouldn't see her once best friend before tomorrow. She had planned to think of suitable words during the long afternoon. No she had nothing in her mind. Not even the simplest phrase. Only a small hello.

"Hello."

"The taxi is waiting. I still need some presents." Chibiusa giggled and suddenly Hotaru knew that she had missed her little darling the same way she had missed her parents. Maybe even more. "Do you want to come with me? So that we can talk a bit? Guess you've seen a lot in America."

Chibiusa's heart was beating violently in her chest. Why didn't Hotaru react? Why didn't she say a word? Why did she only stare at her? With an expression on her suddenly pale face Chibiusa couldn't define?

She read the letter.

Chibiusa gulped and held her gloves a little bit tighter.

She read it and didn't understand it.

The princess took the towel and winked with it at her friend.

"Common, don't be so lazy, get out! Tomorrow is Christmas. Don' t tell me that you already have all presents." Chibiusa watched how Hotaru swam over to the rim and slowly left the water. She didn't wear a swimsuit. This was her home, her private pool, why shouldn't she be naked. The princess winced as Hotaru grabbed the towel and wrapped it around her body. She didn't even notice that she had stared at her. In a way she had never stared at her.

"You waited again for the very last moment? You know, it'll be hell in the mall." Hotaru couldn't help herself, she simply had to grin as she saw the innocent expression in pink eyes she loved so much.

"That's why I need you. My big protector." Sulked the smaller girl and blinked with her eyes.

Why don't you ask Helios instead?

Hotaru sighed deeply and held the towel a little bit tighter around her now freezing body. She knew that Chibiusa had won. As always. She only had to make this pleading face and she could get everything she wanted. The princess knew that too well.

"You know your big donkey."

Chibiusa only grinned and grabbed her right arm to pull her over the stairs to her room.

"Let's hurry up! I don't want my daddy to faint when he sees the taxi's bill."

Hotaru only sighed and was acquiescent in her fate.

dbdbdb

"Are you sure that you don't want to buy the whole mall?" groaned Hotaru as Chibiusa handled her another bag. The princess already carried so many that she couldn't hold any more.

"I've got a big family." Grinned Chibiusa and stopped at a shop that sold typical Japanese articles. "And it's growing with every year. Remember, the last year we didn't have Tami-chan with us."

"We had." Hotaru remembered to well Kakyuu sitting with her huge belly on the living room couch. "But he can't remember it." She smiled as she saw again how concerned Sejya had been. He feared that the child could be born every moment. Often his wife had to calm him down and to tell him that she would inform him right in time when he was becoming a daddy.

"However, I hope that he'll like my bee." Chibiusa put some bags down and held after a long search a yellow plastic bee in her hands. Whenever you touched it her feeler started to blink in a screaming red light. Chibiusa was so fascinated by it that Hotaru had to giggle. Surely the princess would keep that toy in the case that the little boy didn't want it.

Finally Chibiusa took it into one of the bags again and wanted to carry on.

"Wait a minute. I need something from this shop." Hotaru didn't care if Chibiusa followed her. She simply entered the old shop and looked around. And found the most perfect Christmas present she could make: A screaming pink kimono.

"Goddess, Taru, whom do you want to give this?" asked Chibiusa surprised as Hotaru simply took the clothes and went over to the counter to pay it. It was very expensive but Hotaru was sure that Marie would like it. It fitted to her outfit.

"That's for Marie. Can't wait to see her wearing it." Giggled Hotaru and smiled friendly to the saleswoman who put the kimono carefully into another bag.

"Marie?" Chibiusa frowned and crossed her arms before her chest. Her begs crackled a little bit and the princess almost fell down because of the huge weight on her chest.

"A girl I meet in America. She comes from France and is very interested in other countries." Hotaru grinned and bowed as she took the bag. "She loves pink. I have to admit that it suits her."

It's so great that no one looks strange when I bow.

Hotaru felt happy. She was home. In Japan. She went shopping with Chibiusa and still there was no Helios around. Tomorrow was Christmas. And her granny was coming, too.

"A girl from France?" Chibiusa frowned even more and her pink eyes sparkled. "Do you have to buy her such an expensive kimono? Do you know her that well?"

Hotaru raised surprised her eyebrows.

Are you jealous, little darling?

But she didn't dare to say it aloud.

"She's my roommate at Lincoln's school. She wants to become a vet some day."

No, she can't be jealous. She has her Helios, right? She has her boyfriend.

"I am sure that no French vet ever wore a kimono!" snapped Chibiusa suddenly very angry and turned around. Determinedly she crossed the gangway and entered a candy shop.

"Hey, she's my friend and I can give my friends what I want." Suddenly Hotaru felt angry. Not really knowing why. But Chibiusa didn't listen to her any longer. She stood there, glancing with big eyes at a chocolate Santa Clause. White chocolate. Chibiusa's most favourite chocolate.

"Hope mommy gives me such a Santa Clause, too." She said and sighed longing. Then she remembered her long list and bought two little figures made out of brown chocolate. "Then I'll eat it slowly. Very slowly."

"Are they for May-chan and Yuki-chan?"

Chibiusa only nodded and put them very carefully on top of one of her bags.

"And now let's get something to eat." The princess glanced at her watch. "It's almost four in the afternoon and I am starving. I didn't have any lunch." Shortly she looked at Hotaru who seemed to have lost weight during the past months. "Aren't you hungry, too?"

Whoever that Marie is, she didn't take good enough care of my Taru-chan. She doesn't look very healthy. She is so pale and so thin.

"Well... a little bit..." admitted Hotaru. She was relieved that the princess wasn't angry with her any longer. Chibiusa could be so incalculable. Normally the tall girl had been able to read in the smaller one's thoughts. But suddenly that didn't seem to be possible any longer.

Little darling seemed to have changed during the past months.

Hotaru groaned as she carried all these bags and gasped for breath. Wondering if Chibiusa bought some stones for her relatives. Big, heavy stones.

Of course she changed. Everyone changes when they meet their big love...

"How about a typical Japanese meal? Guess you've had enough hamburgers during the past months." Assumed Chibiusa and grabbed Hotaru's arm to pull her into the nice little restaurant in the middle of the mall.

"Actually I didn't eat a single hamburger. We could chose out of three different lunchs." Giggled Hotaru and was very grateful to sit down. She stretched her arms and moved her head a little bit.

You really look tired. What have they done to you?

"Was it too exhausting?" There was concern in pink eyes while Chibiusa stripped her cap, her scarf, her gloves and her thick jacket. She shook her head and her plaids fell over her shoulders. Her cheeks were redden and she looked simply beautiful. Her lips were redden, too. Without noticing Chibiusa licked over them to wet them. The air in the mall was very dry. Hotaru felt how she blushed and lowered her head to stare at the menue.

"No, it's okay. I am just a little bit tired from the time difference."

"Hope you can remember how to eat with sticks." Chibiusa held them up and it clicked as she tried to catch Hotaru's nose. The dark haired girl winced and looked puzzled as the princess started to giggle. As she looked up she saw that Chibiusa held a black strand between her sticks.

"Your hair is longer. Do you want to let it grow?"

"Maybe. I don't know." Hotaru grabbed for her strand and put it back into the knot in her neck.

"It looks better when you let your hair open." Chibiusa smiled over to the waitress how indicated them that she would be there in two seconds. That she only had to serve another couple. "But really long hairs, I am sure that suits you. You know I like your dark hairs."

Hotaru blushed again and was thankful that the light was dimmed in the restaurant.

"I don't want them to hang into my face." She marbled and decided for rice with chicken. Still she wasn't really hungry, but she knew that Chibiusa could be very stubborn. The smaller girl decided her to eat something and Hotaru knew that she had no chance to escape when she didn't at least ate half of the meal.

It's like the old times.

Hotaru didn't want to eat, too, after her heart attack. She simply felt sick and weak. She was full with self pity and hated her useless body. Chibiusa had cheered her up. Every time she had been down. She had stared at her bed until she ate as much food as Ami wanted her to eat to regain strength again. There had been days when Hotaru simply refused and Chibiusa fed her.

It's like the old times.

But the same time the dark haired girl knew that it was different. Completely different. Two years ago she had still dreamed. That Chibiusa would return her feelings one day. That Chibiusa would love her, too. But now... she had her Helios, her boyfriend. Hotaru's dream was destroyed and she simply didn't know how to live with the fragments. How to behave as always.

"Aunt Mako wants to make a big banquet tomorrow. Mina and Rei are already helping her." Chibiusa giggled happily and clicked again with her sticks. "Many people will come tomorrow. The whole family. I can't wait to see them all at one place again."

"Hai, daddy told me." Answered Hotaru absent, still staring in her menue.

The whole family. So many happy people. So many people being in love with someone else. It's only me who will be unhappy. Who will feel wrong in place. Who will have to face Helios...

"I can't wait to hear Sejya and Mina sing Christmas songs. They have so cute voices." Dreamed Chibiusa and glanced over to her best friend who kept staring into the card.

"Hai." Was all Hotaru replied. Absent. Chibiusa frowned, because she hadn't imagined that Hotaru would be so quiet after she returned from America. She had imagined that Hotaru couldn't wait to tell her all the things she experienced in the United States. Just the way she had always told her every detail from her journey with her school's class. Or from the tours she made with her parents. All around the world. To see them on great concerts. With other famous musicians.

But today Hotaru kept silent. Strangely silent.

Doesn't she want to talk with me over my letter?

It had taken Chibiusa so many hours to write him. Just as it had take her such a long time until she found the courage to take him to the post office. To actually sent him to the her best friend over in the far away land.

Maybe she didn't receive it? Maybe it got lost on its journey over the big ocean?

Chibiusa took a deep breath and felt her heart against beating wildly inside her chest.

And if she doesn't want to talk about it? Maybe she doesn't want to hurt me? Maybe she needs more time to accept it? Maybe she doesn't understand its real meaning?

"Did you..." she hesitated, but still Hotaru didn't react. She was still staring into the card. But she didn't read. Her eyes were fixed on a point only she could see. That strand escaped her knot again and without thinking she raised her hand and raised it behind her ears.

She's so beautiful.

Chibiusa gulped and suddenly her fingers were ice cold.

"Did you get my letter?"

Hotaru looked up and there was again that expression in dark eyes Chibiusa couldn't define. There had been times when she had been able to read in her best friend's face like in an opened book. But somehow she lost that skill during the past months.

I got that terrible picture of a cute couple.

"Hai." Answered Hotaru and lowered her head again. "Arigato."

Chibiusa frowned.

That's all? That's her only comment to what I've written? That's all she's able to say to my feelings?

The princess felt suddenly very angry inside.

How can she dare! How can she...

Chibiusa leaned forward and grabbed for Hotaru's card to pull it away. Her pink eyes sparkled as she stared direclty into a pale face. A face she normally wanted to carress. But now she had the desire to slap it. With all her powers. To bring her best friend back to live. Back from the place she seemed to have been the whole day so far.

"What the hell do you think..."

But Chibiusa couldn't say more, because the waitress came and took their order. After the young woman went away, the princess leaned back on her seat and looked sadly into her steaming tea.

What's now wrong?

Hotaru took the sugar box and sighed slightly. She suspected that this Christmas would be very difficult to celebrate.

Arigato! That's all she says! Arigato!

Chibiusa clenched her hands around her glass and was about to ask her best friend again, as she felt suddenly two arms being wrapped around her waist. Trying to tickle her. The princess squeaked and winced hard. But she relaxed as she heard the low laughter behind her.

"Helios!" The smaller girl turned her head and stared outrageous at him. "What are you planning? Do you want to kill me?"

"Of course." He grinned and took a chair. Soon he sat at the table, too. Right between a grinning and a very startled looking Hotaru. He carried as many bags as the princess did. "What did you buy for mommy and daddy, little princess?" Helios asked curiously and tried to look into Chibiusa's bags.

Mommy?

Daddy?

Little princess?

Hotaru put more and more sugar into her tea and stirred angrily in the brown soup.

What does he think he is?

"Well, you know mommy... I thought a nice perfume would be nice. She broke her one the last week. Oh, and a big chocolate bunny." Chibiusa searched in her bag and soon the table was covered with wrapped boxes.

"A bunny? It's Christmas, not Easter." Laughed Helios.

"But her name is Usagi and Usagi means bunny in the moon." Chibiusa grinned and played with the white loop. "Besides it is chocolate. She'll ate it, no matter what form it has."

"Hai, she's as greedy as you."

"You!"

Soon they both fought with each other. Trying to tickle the other one. Helios giggled while Chibiusa burst out into helpless laughter.

"Help me, Taru! He's going to kill me!" he squeaked and looked pleading into empty dark eyes.

That's so humiliating! To watch them tease each other around!

Hotaru blinked and tasted her tea. She made face. Of course it was too sweet.

What am I doing here? Why am I sitting here? Why don't I simply walk away and leave them in peace?

"Taru!"

Helios blinked and let go of the princess. It seemed as if he recognized the other girl just this very moment.

"Hello Hotaru. Did you buy some things, too?" he looked at the bags standing around her chair. "Or are you simply Chibi-chan's donkey? Did she find another victim, because she's too lazy to buy her Christmas presents earlier?"

Little princess!

Chibi-chan!

"You're as lazy as I!" said Chibiusa and pointed at all his bags. "Hey, say something, Taru! Defend me!"

Why should I defend you from your boyfriend? Why should I help you?

And don't tell me Taru!

Hotaru blinked. Suddenly tears filled her eyes. Tears she didn't want to cry. Especially not in front of Helios.

"It's nice that you came home over the holidays." Smiled the boy and Hotaru felt the desire to beat him right into his grinning face. "We missed you a lot. Especially Chibi-chan missed you a lot."

"Helios!"

Hotaru didn't see how Chibiusa blushed. She didn't notice that the waitress brought their meals. She only saw Helios' grinning face. Heard his words in her mind. Words that were so wrong. So cynic. That hurt her so deeply.

It's nice that you came home!

We missed you a lot!

We!

Who?

Who the hell missed me but my parents?

Chibiusa didn't miss me!

She only wrote one letter!

After so many weeks!

Daring to put a picture of her and her boyfriend into it.

A picture where you are nearer to her than I had ever been!

Her chair crashed as she suddenly rose. The smile broke on Helios' face and he looked suddenly very confused. He saw the rage in dark eyes. Saw the hate there. Feelings he didn't understand.

"You must be kidding!" snapped Hotaru. Her whole body trembled and it was almost impossible to hold back her tears. "Don't you dare to lie to me, Helios! Not to me!"

"Nani?"

"Taru?"

Hotaru blinked and shortly looked into Chibiusa's big eyes. Seeing all the questions there. Questions she would never be strong enough to answer.

"This must be a bad joke." She whispered and the first tears ran over her cheeks. She raised her hand to wipe them automatically away. Normally she didn't cry that much, but the past weeks had been so confusing, the past hour had been so hurting, she couldn't hold them back any longer. But she couldn't stay. She knew she couldn't. Because Chibiusa wouldn't understand her. The same Helios would never.

"This is ridiculous..."

With a slight sob she turned around and ran out of the restaurant. Ignoring Chibiusa's voice calling for her. Telling her to stop. She could hear steps following her. But she was faster. She had always been faster. Even after her heart attack. Chibiusa never really had a chance against her.

I don't want to see you again.

I don't want to talk to you again.

Go away!

Why can't you just leave me in peace!

Hotaru didn't see a lot while she ran through the crowded mall. Her view was blurred. She simply followed her instinct. She only wanted to get out of the mall. To get the next bus and to take a long walk along the snowy beach. To order her thoughts. To calm herself down. Simply to get prepared to face the princess of Crystal Tokyo and her boyfriend again. Tomorrow. At Christmas Eve.

The tall girl turned around the corner and crashed into a someone. She fell on her knees and made a face as pain flashed through her body. Not only through her legs, but also through her chest. She gasped hard for breath, but rose again the next second.

"Gomen..." she whispered and continued her haunt. Not caring that the person she had crashed into, said something to her. That she knew that voice. A concerned voice.

Finally she reached the exit. Cold wind welcomed her and she started to froze. She realised that she had forgotten her jacket in the restaurant. Just like her scarf and her gloves. Now she only wore her pants and her pullover. They weren't warm enough for the rough December weather. But Hotaru wouldn't turn around to take them. Because that would have meant to face her little darling again.

Maybe I'll take a taxi.

A taxi was always warm and it would take her directly to the light house by the sea. Hotaru was sure that her parents would pay the bill.

Or shall I call them up?

She had her phone always in her back bag. Since her breakdown her parents wanted to make sure that she was always able to call help.

Damn! I forgot it, too.

She simply ran out of the restaurant, leaving all her things behind.

Hotaru gasped harder for breath and had to slow down. Until she had to stop. In the middle of the parking space. Between a little white and a big blue car. A Mercedes.

Sejya drives a car that looks like this one.

Hotaru choked and the pain grew inside her chest. She had overdone it. Again. And she knew it. Her heart was very weak and the past hour had been to exciting for her.

What shall I do now?

The tall girl crossed her arms before her chest and stared blind around the parking space. Snow was falling down. It was very dense. The perfect weather for Christmas. Surely a lot of pupils were happy to use their new or their old sleighs over the holidays.

It's so calm.

The noise from the mall was excluded by the thick walls of snow. It crunched under her boots as she moved. Weightless snakes floated from a cloudy sky. It already started to dawn. Dusk was near and the last night before Christmas began. The lights of the Christmas trees around were switched on and the whole atmosphere was so calm, so peaceful. So friendly.

I wan to stay here.

Hotaru stretched her arms to touch the snow flakes. To feel the little cold melting on her warm hand.

I love this silence.

She didn't hear the voices behind her. She didn't hear them coming nearer. All she heard was the growing silence around her. The snow flakes crackling as they melted in her hairs.

It's so wonderful.

The Christmas trees erased. The lights went out. Night fell over the land and over the tall girl standing during two snow covered cars in the middle of a large parking space. All alone.

So wonderful...

A smile formed on Hotaru's wet face as she fainted.

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"Is that necessary?" Haruka looked doubtful at the injection Ami held in her skilled hands.

"I fear." Ami controlled the dose and finally pushed the injection carefully into the thin arm. Hotaru didn't made a face. She was still unconscious. Silently she laid in her big bed. Under her warm blankets.

She looks so fragile.

Haruka gulped and felt how her wife embraced her. Michiru's blue eyes sparkled with tears and she was as shocked as her lover. It was now half an hour ago that Sejya stood there at their door. Holding a lifeless Hotaru in his arms. Ami came from hospital as far as she could and promised to stay until tomorrow. Until they would celebrate Christmas together. To take care for her young patient.

My little Himme-chan...

"What happened?" Michiru had been too concerned about her daughter that she didn't ask a lot. She only dressed her daughter in her pyjama, brought her to bed and waited for Haruka returning from hospital – with Ami. It was slippery outside. It snowed the whole time. But somehow the young car racer managed to break her personal record once more.

"I have no idea..." sobbed Chibiusa. Again she saw how Hotaru simply broke down. How she stood between some cars and stared to the snowy sky. How she simply fell to the ground. The princess only screamed and Sejya was by her side the next moment. Chibiusa didn't notice him before.

"She ran into me in the mall. Kakyuu and I were shopping." Sejya gulped. He sat on the other side of the bed and looked the same concerned as Haruka and Michiru. "She didn't react when I wanted to talk to her, so I followed her." He shook his head. "She simply ran out into the night. Without any jacket!"

She was crying.

Chibiusa sniffed and nodded thankful as Ami handled her a handkerchief.

"I don't know. We were in a restaurant and talked and... and..."

"Don't you tell me that you played hide and seek in the mall!" Ami's voice was very strict and Chibiusa blushed deeply. There had been a time when they really played that game in shopping malls. Driving not only their parents crazy. But this time they didn't play any game at all.

We only talked.

And then...

Chibiusa didn't understand it. She simply didn't understand Hotaru's reaction. Nor her confusing words.

A bad joke? What for a bad joke? Eating with me? Shopping with me? Talking to me? Is that so bad?

"We only went shopping. I didn't have my Christmas presents right now and..." Chibiusa lowered her head and stared at her pale friend. Tears were running again over the princess' redden cheeks.

"Guess that had been too much stress for her. She had a long fly just the other day and her whole body still had to fight with the time difference." Resumed Ami and put her instruments back into her black leather bag. "You know how crazy the mall can be shortly before Christmas. Surely Hotaru didn't want to admit that she was exhausted and tired and pushed her weak body until it broke down."

"As always..." sighed Michiru. Sejya nodded. Only Haruka frowned. She couldn't quite agree with Ami. Of course Hotaru didn't listen to her body's signs again. But that wasn't the only reason. One look into big pink eyes told Haruka that a little bit more happened than just a simple shopping through thousands of shops.

"What shall we do now, Ami?"

"The same we do every time, Haruka. Give her a little bit peace. Let her sleep for the rest of the night. I gave her a little bit to let her sleep well. Oh, and something to eat when she wakes up." Ami stroke through dark strands and smiled softly. "Better I say Mina that Hotaru won't take part in her karaoke singing tomorrow."

"Karaoke?" Haruka raised her eyebrows and looked not very happy about that information.

"Karaoke?" Sejya only grinned.

"Hai, Karaoke." Sighed Ami worn out. "Just let her sleep and take care that tomorrow won't be too much stress for her. We all have to take care for her and take her into bed when she looks too tired."

The young doctor rose from the bed and showed them all to follow her.

"Arigato." Michiru sighed deeply.

"No problem." Ami closed the door silently behind herself and they all went upstairs. To prepare the Christmas tree. To wrap some last presents. To write some more postcards. Or simply to take care for May-chan and Yuki-chan who were as crazy as Minako. Or at least almost as crazy.

"Haruka?" Chibiusa grabbed the sleeve of the white shirt and looked into startled green eyes.

"Hai?"

"Can I stay here for the night? I mean, I'll celebrate Christmas here tomorrow and mommy and daddy will come tomorrow." The princess felt how she blushed. "I am simply concerned about Taru. She comes home from America and simply breaks down."

Haruka smiled softly and stroke through pink strands.

"No problem, Chibiusa. I'll call your parents. If there's something you need, just call us, okay?"

"Okay."

Chibiusa took a deep breath and crept back through the now dark corridor. Silently she opened the door and stood for a long time in the darkness of the room. Some stars sparkled over Hotaru's bed. The tall girl once put them on the ceiling. Her private sky as she once had told giggling her best friend.

Best friend...

Chibiusa gulped and felt how her body started again to tremble.

Taru...

Again she saw the anger and the hate in dark eyes. As the tall girl had shouted at them in the restaurant. And then turned around and simply ran away. As if bloodhounds haunted her.

She had cried.

Chibiusa gulped and slowly stripped her clothes. She found one of Hotaru's pyjama's in the big wardrobe. Although Hotaru returned just some hours ago it was already a big mess. The tall girl simply couldn't hold order with her clothes. Just like her daddy.

The princess looked shortly at the pyjama and finally pulled it over her freezing body. As always it was too big for her. Hotaru was almost one head taller and so every shirt, every pant she borrowed from her best friend was too wide for her.

Taru...

Chibiusa crept under the blanket and took her now sleeping friend carefully into her arms. Feeling the warm body next to her freezing one. The princess sighed deeply and closed her eyes. Simply enjoyed that her Taru was back again. That she wasn't any longer in America, thousands of miles away. Unreachable.

Maybe it had been a fault to write that letter. Maybe Helios wasn't right. Maybe I should have only send her some photos – just like the other did. To write some superficial words. Maybe...

Chibiusa didn't know what she should have done different. She only knew that something was wrong with her best friend. Completely.

And that there was no other way than talking to her, openly.

But before she had to say all those things to her Taru, Chibiusa simply wanted to enjoy that night. To hold her best friend tight. To feel the steady up and down of the chest under her head. To feel the constant breath tickling her hairs.

I wish you were like me, Taru.

But slowly Chibiusa had to recognise that this was only a dream that would never come true.

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She stood in a labyrinth. Full with mirrors. Blinking mirrors.

Nani?

She gulped and turned around. But there was no exit. No escape. No way to turn to. Only mirrors. As far as she could see, only mirrors. Sparkling mirrors. Shimmering mirrors. So ugly mirrors.

No...

She didn't want to look right into the glass, but she had no other chance. But that wasn't she in all those reflections. Stranger looked back at her. A tall man with white hairs. She didn't know him, but somehow he looked familiar. There was a woman next to him in another mirror. She had long, dark hairs. A smile bloomed on her face and she held a little bundle in her arms. Talking soft words to the baby who grabbed her dark strands. She giggled and rocked her child gently.

Nani?

Then there was an explosion. She had to close her eyes. As she opened them again, the tall woman was gone. The white haired man looked sad. He turned around and two graves appeared in two mirros next to him. A tall and a small grave. Of his wife and his daughter.

Nani?

She turned around and screamed as she saw the thin girl laying in a bed. Staring with dead eyes at the ceiling. Different drips were connected to her skinny arms. But she was condemned to death. Everyone who looked at her knew that.

Nani?

A door was pushed opened and a little girl ran through different mirrors. She was haunted by someone. A tall woman with long, red hairs. She didn't know her, but she didn't like her. From the first look on.

Nani?

The little girl sat down next to the bed and grabbed for the pale patient's one. To hold it tight. The little girl cried. And was pushed away by the red haired woman who finally reached her.

No! Please, not!

Tears streamed over her face as she saw how the dying girl suffered. She didn't want her best friend to go. She didn't want to die. Not alone.

No!

The mirrors burst into thousand of splinters as a door was closed with a loud bang. They sparkled like snow flakes falling from an endless sky. And disappeared into nothing. All that remained was darkness. Darkness and a shadow that seemed to have haunted her all of her life.

No! Leave me in peace! Leave me...

There was again that grin on a faceless face. The shadow spread its arms wide and the darkness got even darker.

No! Don't take away the ones I love. Don't...

Different people were embraced by that shadow. Her daddy. Her mommy. Her sister. Her aunts and her uncles. And finally her best friend. The princess screamed and tried to defend herself, but it was senseless.

No! Leave her in peace! Leave her...

The shadow raised its head and she gasped hard for breath as she looked into a well known face. Into Helios' face.

No...

Hotaru sat upright in her bed. Sweat covered her forehead and her hairs hang in strands into her face. Her dark eyes were wide open and a sobbing escaped her throat.

What for a fucking nightmare.

She wanted to stand up. To switch on the light. To take a nice hot shower. To read a book and to try to forget all this stuff. But she couldn't. She felt weak and tired. She couldn't move her body and simply sat there in trance and fear.

What does it mean? What...

She buried her face in her hands and started helpless to sob. She didn't want to cry. Not again. But she had no control over her body any longer.

"Taru?"

She winced wildly as two soft arms embraced her.

"Did you have a nightmare?"

Slowly Hotaru raised her head and nodded. Wondering why Chibiusa was here. Wondering what the princess did in her bed. Wondering how she could move in her pyjama that was too wide for the smaller girl.

"I know how you're feeling. I hate it when a vampire haunts me." Smiled Chibiusa and simply held her tight. Stroke comforting over dark hairs. Whispered some more comforting words. Senseless words. But Hotaru was thankful for them.

You don't know how I am felling, little darling.

Nevertheless Hotaru gave in that soft embrace. Even if it was just for this one night. Even if it was just for comfort. For comfort. For nothing more.

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It was early in the morning. In the morning of a special day. Of Christmas. Christmas Eve. Minako hummed happily the melody of a well known Christmas song while she entered the huge guest bathroom. A bathroom mostly used by her or Ami during the past years. Often she asked Haruka and Michiru if that was okay, if they should pay some rent, but the outer senshi only shook their heads. Often they declared that they once told them to be there for them if they needed them and that they held their promises. And the house was very big. Big enough for more than just four people.

We should find an own house. Or at least an own flat.

But Ami never wants to think further than the next day...

Minako closed the door silently behind her and grinned. She had seen all the food Makoto brought with her yesterday and couldn't await to see the famous cook dancing through the whole kitchen. Doing magic with her skills.

Right now it was eight o clock. They were all still sleeping. Haruka, Michiru, Yuki-chan, May-chan, Hotaru and Chibiusa. The others would come later at noon or in the evening. The house would be crowded. Just the way Minako loved it. Those were always the best parties.

"I am dreaming of a white Christmas..." The love senshi's voice was clear and she had no problems with the height. She felt so happy, she wanted to sing the whole morning. The whole day.

Let's take a nice warm shower and wake my Ami-chan.

Minako turned around to put her towel down and froze. She saw the person kneeling next to the tube and knew that she didn't have to wake the young doctor up. The tube was filled with stealing water and Ami giggled. A sound Minako didn't hear because of her singing.

"Ami-chan?"

With two steps she was by her best friend's side and touched a trembling shoulder. Ami had still wrapped a towel around her slime body, but her hairs were wet. Maybe she already took a bath? But why was she kneeling there?

"Oh, morning, Mina." Giggled the young doctor and there was something in blue eyes Minako didn't like at all. A crazy expression that made her giggle. "Did you sleep well?" Ami giggled even more and that sound made the senshi of love froze. "I mean, so all alone..."

Nani?

Before the love senshi could react, Ami had pulled her arms around her waist and brushed her lips against hers. Minako stiffed and didn't know how to react.

She's kissing me?

Was that a dream coming true? That her young doctor finally responded her feelings? That she made up her mind and finally saw that she loved the crazy singer, too?

Or was it a nightmare starting?

Minako didn't think any longer. This was her Ami-chan. Laying in her arms. Kissing her. Obviously wanting to be kissed in return. So the blonde simply closed her eyes and returned the gentle touch with all her feelings. With all her love.

I love you, Ami. I love you so much.

With a sudden the young doctor broke the kiss and giggled even more.

"You kiss good. I already forgot..:" she giggled and looked directly into blurred blue eyes. They both breathed hard and trembled.

Hai, they had kissed before. Shortly before May-chan was born. Ami had one of those nightmares that were haunting her down these times. Minako comforted her the whole night and somehow the young singer had kissed the student. Softly and with so much love. But Ami had pushed her away and declared that she didn't want this. That she didn't feel the same. So Minako promised her never to touch her again. To stay her best friend when she couldn't be her girlfriend.

"Do you wanna sleep with me?" Ami giggled again as she saw the shocked expression on Minako's face. "Don't look that way. I know that you want it." The young doctor took the end of her towel and wanted to strip it. But Minako's hand was faster to hold her back.

"What's wrong, Ami-chan?" asked the love senshi alarmed and looked around. But she couldn't see any bottle beer nor any other alcohol. "Are you drunk, Ami?"

Suddenly the young doctor looked hurt. She stopped giggling and tears sparkled in blue eyes.

"You don't want me, that's it. I am not beautiful enough." She lowered her head and tears streamed over her pale face. "No one ever wanted me. Not even May-chan's father..."

Nani?

Minako pulled a sobbing Ami into her arms and rocked her gently.

"Of course I want you." She sighed deeply. "You don't know how much I want you, little one. But not this way. I want your love, your honest love. Not a lie." Minako stroke through blue strands. "And especially not for one night. I want you forever, do you understand me, Ami-chan?"

The love senshi forced Ami to raise her head and to look directly into her concerned face.

"And now tell me what you've taken."

Suddenly Ami giggled again.

"Just some tranquillizer." Her smile looked crazy and Minako sighed. "I couldn't sleep."

"What did you drink to gulp them?"

"One whiskey. Or two? Or three?" giggled Ami and reeled as Minako helped her on her feed.

"Then you'll have a great hangover this evening." The love senshi sighed and simply take her best friend into her arms. Ami was smaller than she. And she was very thin. Too thin. But she never ate more. Even if Minako begged her.

"Then I'll take you into bed, try to find some medicine against your nice tranquillizer and search for a nice breakfast. And don't make such a face! You'll eat what I'll give you, Mizuno-san! It's your own fault!" Minako balanced her best friend over to her own room and laid Ami in her own bed. Which was still warm. "And believe me, Ami, you'll celebrate your Christmas with your daughter. Alike how afraid you might be!"

"But... but I have no family she can be proud of..." sobbed Ami and slowly the tranquillizer stopped to work. Minako was very relieved to see that her best friend got slowly normal again.

"Your daughter has me and she has you. That's all she needs!" Minako covered Ami with a soft blanket and stroke some blue strands out of a sweaty forehead.

"You?"

"Hai, me!"

Minako sat down on the bed's edge and watched her best friend sleeping for a long time.

Thinking.

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Slowly she woke up. It was like raising from a deep, deep lake. First there was nothing. Only her head ache. Then she heard the Christmas music. Far away. Coming slowly nearer. The shadow of a smile flashed over her pale face as she recognized her aunt's voice. Singing through the whole house. Surely driving everybody crazy with her Christmas mood. With all the games she planned. With all the surprises mostly everybody was really surprised about. Because no one could believe that Minako really did it for another time.

Maybe another karaoke singing.

Hotaru grinned tired as she remembered how much her daddy suffered the last Christmas. Because she had to sing a song about a young woman dying of love because she couldn't get the boy she was in love with. Sejya almost asphyxiate because he had to laugh so much.

I am in my bed.

The girl opened her eyes a bit and looked out of the window. The sun was setting again and Hotaru knew that she slept the whole day.

Another breakdown?

She sighed deeply and sat upright in her bed. And froze in motion. She had been so concentrated on Minako's singing that she didn't hear the silent crackle. Chibiusa sat there on her carpet and fought hard with the wrapping paper. Green paper with grinning reindeers on it. They looked a little bit drunk and Haruka would surely grin a lot when she would see them, but Hotaru was sure that Chibiusa simply thought that they were cute.

What is she doing here?

The princess wore a purple pyjama that was too wide for her. Often she had to pull away the sleeves that were always in her way. The clipping was too wide, too and Hotaru could see Chibiusa's breast whenever the girl leaned forward to reach for the scissors.

Why is she kneeling there on my carpet? In the middle of the day? Taking care for her presents?

Hotaru frowned. Deeply she blushed as Hotaru leaned again forward. To grab another small box. Quickly the dark haired girl turned her head away and stared at her blanket. Slightly remembering a nightmare. How she woke up, being afraid and alone. But then...

I hadn't been alone. Someone was there to comfort me.

There was the memory of warm arms being wrapped around her body. Giving her the comfort she needed after this scary nightmare. Being there the whole night. Simply holding her tight. Until she fell asleep again.

Had that been Chibiusa?

Hotaru gulped and raised again her head.

But why? Why is she here? Why is she not at home? With her boyfriend? Why is she here?

What happened yesterday?

Hotaru groaned as memory hit her hard. Suddenly she knew again what had happened the day before. She had been shopping with the princess. Then Helios had appeared and she ran away.

How shall I explain my strange reaction to her?

"Taru?" Chibiusa looked up from her presents and a smile formed on her beautiful face. "How are you feeling?" She stood up and came over to the bed.

Taru...

Hotaru gulped. Once she had been so proud to have such a lovely nickname. Only Chibiusa used it and it was kind of an honour for her. But now it only hurt to hear it. Because it remembered her of times that were now over. That would never return again.

"Better." Hotaru yawned and blushed as her stomach started to growl.

"You should go in the kitchen. Makoto's there since noon and I am sure that she'll have something to eat for you." Chibiusa hopped from the bed and held her pyjama pants tight. It was really too wide for her. "Ami told us that you should eat something and that we have to take care for you. That you need your rest." Chibiusa's voice sounded important, but there was concern in pink eyes. Concern that let Hotaru frown.

At that moment a scream filled the house. Followed by loud laughter. Chibiusa giggled and went over to her presents to put them all into a bag.

Right in time. I am just ready.

Chibiusa squinted over to Hotaru who still sat silent on her bed.

Hope she likes my present.

And if not?

If not?

Chibiusa carefully closed the back and grabbed again for her pants.

Then I can at least say that I tried it.

"That were surly May-can and Yuki-chan. They're already haunting each other the whole day. Driving your parents crazy." The princess giggled again. "Do you have any presents you want to be wrapped up? I could do that while you're eating."

Hotaru only shook her head and regretted that motion immediately as her headaches increased.

I don't need your help.

I don't need anybody's help!

"Have you been here... the whole night?" Hotaru looked at everything but her friend. "I mean... aren't your parents concerned?"

What are you talking, Taru?

Chibiusa blinked and stepped again over to the bed.

My parents had never been concerned when I had been here.

"Your daddy called my parents up. They'll be here..." Chibiusa glanced at her watch "... soon. Guess Helios used the whole night to end his scarf." Chibiusa giggled, not seeing how Hotaru's face got paler and her eyes sadder.

Helios... he's all she's talking about now.

"I've never seen a boy knitting a scarf. Makoto showed it to him, but he's too slow." The princess shook her head and sat again down next to her best friend. "He wants to make it for mommy. Because she lost her scarf at the beginning of December." The princess shook her head, still smiling. "He took all colours of the rainbows and until now it looks really great. He makes a lot effort to do it." Chibiusa laid herself fall into the nice, still warm blankets and closed her eyes. "I always wanted to have a brother or a sister. After mommy told me two years ago that she's not able to get another child, I thought I would have to stay alone for the rest of my life." The grin on her face got softer, almost tenderly. "I had never imagined to get a crazy, big brother like him one day."

Hotaru gulped and searched for hold on the soft mattress.

"Your brother?" It took her some seconds before she was able to gasp the question.

Her big brother?

"Hai." The princess opened her eyes again and looked directly into totally confused looking dark eyes.

Nani?

What's wrong?

Is she having another breakdown?

Chibiusa sat upright the next moment. To be ready to hold her best friend when Hotaru would faint. As she had done for so many times after her dangerous heart attack.

"Hai, Helios is my big brother. He moved into the Crystal Palace after his parents' death. Mommy and daddy adopted him in October. The ceremony could be seen on TV all around the world. Didn't you see it?" Chibiusa frowned more as Hotaru's face was a big question mark.

No...

That can't be true...

Chibiusa gulped and a big lump filled her stomach. Suddenly she felt very, very sick. Her pink eyes grew wide and she felt how her body started to tremble.

That can't be...

"You didn't read my letter, did you?" Chibiusa's voice was nothing more than a choked whisper. Shortly she looked into dark eyes. She couldn't define the expression in Hotaru's pale face.

It took me so endless long nights to write this letter. I wrote everything into it. Everything.

Chibiusa felt tears sparkling in her eyes. Deep disappointment filled her heart. Suddenly it wasn't Hotaru anymore who sat right next to her. Not her beloved Taru. Not the girl she trusted more than her own family. Not the person she had loved with all her heart. The dark haired girl was now a total stranger to her. Someone she had never known. She never wanted to get to know.

I lost her!

Chibiusa gulped and ran a trembling hand through her messed hairs.

I lost her... my best friend.

"You didn't read it. Why?"

Hotaru raised her head and closed her eyes. She couldn't find an answer.

What shall I tell her? That I was jealous like hell? Jealous of her big brother? That I didn't want to read it, because of the silly picture she sent me?

"Why?"

Tell her! Tell her now! And it's over!

At that moment the door was pushed open. Rei stood there. She wore a long, red priestess robe that suited her perfectly. Her long, dark hairs fell open over her shoulders. A wide grin laid on her face. A hummed Christmas song laid in the air.

"Hello, you two beauties." She greeted the two girls, not feeling the sad atmosphere in the room. She was in Christmas mood. Today nothing bad existed for her. Only happiness. And two kids who almost crashed into her as she went upstairs.

"Hotaru-chan, come. Ami told me to give you something to eat." Curiously Rei stared over to the bag with presents. "And you should take a shower and get ready, Chibiusa-chan. Your parents will be here in about an hour."

"Hai."

Hotaru felt as confused as she had never felt in her whole life as she heard her friend's sad agreement. But she couldn't answer anything, because Rei took her hand and guided her carefully, but determinedly towards the door.

Why the hell is it so important for her that I read her letter?

Hotaru shook her head and groaned as her headache increased to another level. Silently she decided that she didn't understand Chibiusa any longer. Not at all.

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"Has anyone the number of the truck who ran over me?" whispered Ami and stared with empty eyes in her hot tea. Makoto danced through the kitchen and her good mood was almost unbearable for the senshi of water. She awoke some hours ago and since that moment she spent all her time in the kitchen. Trying to drink and to eat anything. And not throwing them up again afterwards.

"Jack Daniel's." answered Minako who held a big balloon in her hands. Shortly she looked around and finally stepped on the table. Ignoring Makoto's angry looks. "That's what happened to you, little one." She band the balloon in the lamp and hopped from the table. Satisfied she looked at her work.

"I drank alcohol?" Ami's blue eyes looked stunned at her. And worried. Minako gulped, but decided that it was Christmas and that she shouldn't be angry with her Ami any longer.

"You've been dead drunk, honey. So the nice Minako had to take you into bed so that you'll be sober again when the big festival starts." She grinned and danced over to Makoto to steal a little bit of that delicious smelling chicken. The cook only laughed and beat her softly with her wooden spoon.

"Dead drunk?" Ami looked now really unhappy. "Did I do something crazy?"

"Nothing more crazy than ever." Minako sat down next to her and took her tea. She drank some gulps and put them back into suddenly icy hands. "It needs more sugar." Decided the senshi of love and reached over to the sugar box.

"What did I do?" Ami's voice was very silent and Makoto decided that it was time for her to see how the dessert was doing in the huge fridge in the cellar. Quietly she left the kitchen, leaving her friends some moments on their own. The senshi of thunder felt surprised that Ami had been drunk. The young doctor never touched any alcohol. Not even when they had to celebrate a big event. Makoto wanted to know more. To talk to her. Maybe to comfort her. But she knew that this was Minako's job. That she could ask the love senshi later.

Makoto evaded two giggling children and opened the cellar's door.

"You splashed the whole bath with water." Minako looked suddenly very serious. "Don't you ever to do that again. In the early morning! No one would have noticed when you would have drown in the tube!" The love senshi took a cold hand in her own one to warm it. "And you asked me to sleep with you."

After those words there was silence between them. Dead silence. For a long time. Only the meals cooking on the oven could be heard. And Ami taking a deep, a very deep breath. For some minutes that seemed to last eternity she stared at Minako's hand and cursed herself silently.

"Mina..." Suddenly tears were shinning in blue eyes and Minako regretted her words.

It hadn't been necessary to tell her that, right?

The love senshi rose from her chair and stepped behind her best friend. Seeing how much the young doctor trembled.

You should have known that she didn't change her mind. That she only said it because she had been dead drunk and didn't know any longer what she was saying!

"Mina..."

"Hush, little one." Minako let go of Ami's hand and embraced the young doctor softly. Not caring that Ami winced madly. "It's okay. Just take something else to gulp your tranquillizer the next time. Take juice, not whiskey, okay? Or even better, don't take any tranquillizers. When you can't sleep the next time, wake me up. We'll find an solution without that bad medicine. Okay?"

"Gomen..." Ami's voice was tearful and Minako bit hard on her lower lip. Then she leaned over her best friend's shoulder and grinned happily into a pale face.

"Hey, you chicken, don't look so sad. Today's Christmas Eve. You should be laughing and teasing your daughter around." Minako squeezed Ami loving and her grin grew wider as she saw the shy smile on a pale face. "Just forget it, okay? It's not important. Makoto's food and the presents are more important." Minako didn't want to let go, but she knew she had to. As always...

Not important!

Of course it's important for you!

"Hope you did learn the lyrics I gave you yesterday. Otherwise you won't get your present." Minako giggled and watched how Rei and Hotaru entered the kitchen. Surely to give the girl something to eat. Dinner was still two hours away and they all knew about Hotaru's latest breakdown.

"Drink your tea and get yourself ready, little one."

But it's not important for her...

With those words Minako greeted nodding Rei and danced again out of the kitchen. Singing out loud another Christmas song. Searching for another balloon she could hang on the walls. Soon two children's voices accompanied her.

"Mina sweet my tea. Do you wanna it?" Ami looked up as Hotaru sat down. The dark haired girl only nodded. For a long time they sat there. Sharing the silence that evolved between them. Every one of them thinking their own thoughts.

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The table bowed under the weights of those delicious meals. Makoto used all her skills and different hungry eyes stared happily at the chicken, the pudding, the potatoes, the vegetable, the cakes, the noodles and all the other things. Haruka asked silently who should eat all this stuff and giggled as Michiru pointed over to the queen who started another argument with the priestess.

They all sat around the huge table. Talking excitedly to each other. Soft Christmas music was playing in the background. It had taken Haruka all her powers to convince Minako that they all were hungry. That they would all sing karaoke – but not with hungry stomachs.

"Can I have your pudding?" Mayumi climbed on Minako's lap and looked pleading up into the love senhi's eyes. Trying to ignore her mother's strict looks. "Please."

"Don't you want to eat your noodles, first? I am sure they're delicious." Asked Minako and glanced over at May-chan's now empty place. She had only eaten her pudding. The noodles were still untouched. Then she sighed defeated. She could remember too well how she had been as a small girl of May-chan's age. There had been such phases, too. Where she had eaten nothing else then eggs. Or chocolate. Or potatoes. Dry, cold potatoes with only a little piece of butter. Nothing more. It had driven her parents almost insane.

"Mayumi! Let Minako eat! You're too old to sit on her lap!" Ami blushed deeply but no one at the round table looked annoyed or concerned. They all laughed and talked about the past weeks. About the haunt in the malls. About the concerts Sejya and Michiru would soon give. Together with Minako. How hard their conductor was. How long the rehearsals lasted. And how great it sounded.

"But mommy..." May-chan looked suddenly hurt and Ami took a deep breath. She didn't want to see her daughter sad. Not as sad as she felt inside.

"Little honey..."

"If you want my pudding, you can have it. Can I have your noodles instead?" tried Minako to save the situation, but May-chan already looked really disappointed when she left her lap. To go to her own place. To sit down and to sulk.

The next moment she felt herself being taken into a loving embrace. Shortly she looked up and saw directly in her mommy's shinning eyes.

"Shall I ask aunt Makoto if she has more of that delicious pudding?" Ami squeezed her daughter softly and felt how May-chan leaned herself against her chest.

"Nope, mommy." Whispered the little girl. "Just don't leave this evening, okay?"

Ami and Minako exchanged glances and Minako smiled encouraged.

"I promise, darling." Answered the young doctor finally. "There won't be any emergencies this evening."

"Sure there won't." Now the love senshi grinned from one ear to the other one. "I cut the phone's label." She winked at May-can like a conspirator and the little girl smiled back.

"Do you wanna eat my chicken, daddy?" Miyuki stared at her daddy's plate, having all of her meat on her fork. It shook slightly in her small hands, because it was now too heavy.

Haruka looked around as if she feared that anyone would hear them. Trying to destroy there great plan.

"When you take my carrots instead." She whispered back and brought her plate nearer to her daughter's one. "But we have to be very, very carefully."

Yuki-chan giggled and nodded.

"Okay." She whispered and they both raised their forks.

"Three." Counted Haruka and grinned. Her daughter grinned back.

"Two."

They both looked around again but no one saw them. Minako was too occupied to fed May-chan with chocolate pudding while Ami tried to protect the carpet from being dirtied by the brown meal. Michiru on the other side talked excited with Sejya about their next concert.

Shortly Haruka and Miyuki looked at each other and nodded.

"One."

Chicken and carrots changed their places and quickly they both leaned back. Satisfied that their plan worked.

"Darling, you ate all your carrots? That's great. I always thought you wouldn't like them." Michiru's eyes sparkled as she turned around and saw into her lover's blushed face.

"Hai, they were simply delicious. The way Mako makes them... I can't resist them." Answered Haruka and heard her daughter's high laughter.

Michiru shortly leaned over to her wife and kissed her tenderly.

"I love you." Whispered the young violinist and Haruka blushed even deeper. Her dark green eyes sparkled and Michiru knew that her wife would show her her love, too. A little bit later this night.

"I still don't think that we should take this song." Sejya took a sheet of paper out of his pants and Kakyuu rolled her eyes as she saw it.

"I wish I was only one moment in your life as important as your music." She smiled while she fed little Tami-chan who loved his milk out of the bottle.

"You're the most important person in my life – with Tami-chan." Declared Sejya and put the paper down. Then he went on his knees before her and bowed his head. "Can you forgive me? Just this one more time, my princess? Please..."

"Wow! To see you on your knees, that's more than I ever hoped to see!" laughed Haruka and Sejya blushed as he looked up. He had been so occupied with his notes that he didn't look whom he did bow to. Now he kneeled in front of Haruka's chair who almost cried because she had to laugh so much.

"But I don't know if I can forgive you... you're always so silly..." Haruka gasped and shook her head. "My prince... wah!" she laughed even louder as Sejya blushed deeper. Michiru giggled. Just like the other senshi.

"You baka!" But the young singer's eyes had to sparkle, too.

"I wish someone would kneel down before me, too." Sighed Rei and reached for the chocolate cake. Usagi had the same idea and soon they both exchanged angry glances. Each one trying to grab a piece with their forks. Not seeing that they destroyed the whole cake with their battle.

"But all people bow before you. Every day." Makoto giggled and helped Mamoru with the chicken.

"That's simply not the same..."

"No, it isn't." Haruka grinned and burst out into laughter again. Sejya only showed her his tongue and went over to his princess. To embrace her – together with his little son. Tenderly he kissed her and looked deep into her eyes. "Maybe you should put that song away and eat instead?" suggested the red haired princess and pointed over to Sejya's still filled plate.

"Hai, it's very delicious, my prince."

"Baka!"

"Hai, my prince?" Haruka laughed again and Yuki chan used her chance to put some potatoes they both didn't like too much on her plate.

"Eat and shut up."

"As you please."

Michiru only rolled her eyes and thanked Makoto who gave her some more of that expensive wine.

"I wish she would say that to me. Just once."

She and Haruka exchanged glances and both grinned knowing. There were times when Haruka heard of her Michiru. But she would never admitted it. That would have meant to loose her image.

"That's my cake!" Usagi rose from her chair and held the fork full with cake over her head. Triumph sparkle din her blue eyes. Rei growled and tried to get it back. She stumbled over her own feet and crashed into Usagi who fell back on her chair. The cake covered her white dress and Rei's red one.

"You baka!"

"Your jerk!"

"Can't you hold balance?"

"Can't you take care of your own feet?"

"Why do you have to steal the cake?"

"Why don't you just give me a part of it, too?"

They both started to argue. As always. Mamoru only looked away and ate little bit more of his chicken. He was used to his wife's clumsy behaviour and to the arguments between the queen and the priestess. He knew that it wouldn't make any sense to interrupt. They all had to be patient and wait until they would calm down by themselves.

"Idiot!"

"Baka!"

"And now the whole cake is wasted!"

"But... waahhh!"

Soon Usagi started to sob and soon Rei was by her side to comfort her. And to rescue from the once white dress what she could rescue. It were only some spoons of that delicious cake.

"Wah! That cake! WAH!"

"Hey, maybe we can ask Mako..."

"Wah..."

"Usagi-chan..."

"Wah.."

Makoto giggled and walked over to them. Still she had the wine bottle in her hands and looked really like the famous cook she became during the past years.

"I made two in the case one wouldn't be enough." She smiled and saw how Usagi tried to be brave. Her tears dried slowly and Rei automatically handled her a handkerchief.

They never grew up.

Makoto giggled again as she saw the two still ringing with each other.

"Shall I get it?"

Two heads nodded and they both looked at the young cook with the expression Makoto knew from her doggy. The shepherd dog laid right now in the kitchen near the cooker and slept deep and tight. The old dog was exhausted. Two little girls haunted him the whole day and now he only wanted his peace.

"Okay, just wait one minute." Makoto put the bottle down and disappeared into the kitchen. To pet her doggy, to give him some chicken, too and to get the chocolate cake.

"You have more luck than you deserve." Michiru drank a little bit more of her wine and messed Haruka's blonde hairs who tried to smuggle her peas over to Yuki-chan's plate.

I love them so much.

"I tried to finish your song. Maybe it's better this way."

It was the first time that Hotaru spoke during the whole evening. She only greeted the others and sat down on her chair. Watching the other eating in silence. Staring down on her own plate. Not daring to look over to Chibiusa who sat next to her. Staring in the same silent down on her chicken. They both hardly ate anything. Although Chibiusa tried to talk to Hotaru again, she didn't find another chance. She wanted to talk to her best friend in peace, but that was impossible. At a Christmas Eve. With that big, crazy family being around.

"Let's see." Haruka took the sheet and shortly studied the notes and the lyric. Then she raised her eyebrows and looked asking at Hotaru. The girl only lowered her head again and stirred again in her mashed potatoes.

That song is incredible sad.

Sacrifice...

Haruka frowned and handled the sheet over to Sejya who looked suddenly very, very curious.

What for a sacrifice does she mean?

Shortly Haruka observed how Hotaru and Chibiusa sat next to each other. How they both looked very, very sad. How they tried to evade the other's look. They both looked as if they did something really, really bad and no one wanted to tell the others.

Strange...

"Didn't your mother want to come, Haruka?"

The tall blonde was pulled out of her thoughts and looked over to Minako who still fed a giggling May-chan. A honest smile laid on Ami's face and her cheeks were redden. She looked simply beautiful and once more Haruka understand why Minako waited all those years. Why she never gave up her hope. Why she was so patient – still now. Why she would stay with Ami probably the rest of her life – simply waiting if the senshi of water would make up her mind – one day...

"Hai. Actually I wanted to fetch her from the airport, but she decided to take the car." Haruka shrugged her shoulders.

"She does all the way by car? All the 500 miles?"

"Hai." Michiru stroke again through blonde strands. "What do you think from whom Haruka inherited her wild temper?"

Shall I talk to her?

Chibiusa looked over to Hotaru who still beat on her potatoes who became mush during the past hour.

What shall I tell her?

The princess sighed deeply.

She didn't even read my letter...

Shall I talk to her?

Hotaru stirred in her mash, not seeing how Chibiusa raised her head. She didn't dare to look at her once best friend.

What shall I tell her?

"Can you give me the beans?" Helios grinned at Hotaru and thanked her as she handled him the bowl. He looked great in the dark blue shirt he was wearing. Without pause he talked to Makoto and the young cook explained him patiently how to cook this and how to cook that. His blue eyes sparkled and suddenly Hotaru saw again the beautiful couple before her eyes. The couple she had only seen once – in a shop's window. Being embraced by her shadow.

He must have loved them a lot.

Hotaru smiled slightly as he asked for the ketchup.

I am sure that they're happy that he found such a nice family.

The dark haired girl sighed again and concentrated again on her meal. Hearing all the happy voices around. Wondering why she felt so empty inside. Empty and lost. Between all those persons she loved so much.

Love...

What had been so important about that letter?

Hotaru didn't know. She didn't understand. And she didn't dare to ask.

At that moment the bell ring. Before they could react, Yuki-chan already ran through the whole house and opened the door with all her energy.

"Granny!"

Her loud scream could be heard overall.

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"My little shooting star." Laughed the old woman and swirled around with the little girl in her arms. Her bags fell down on the ground and Miyuki laughed happily.

"My granny!"

They danced through the whole corridor until they reached the living-room. Haruka and Michiru stood there in the frame. Holding hands. Both smiled at Tenô Annie. Haruka's mother who was born in Europe, but grew up in Japan. Who met her great love in Tokyo and stayed when her own family went back to Europe.

Annie let her granddaughter down and embraced her daughter. She had always been proud of her. Her Haru-chan had always known what she wanted. She wanted to sit in fast race cars. She wanted to go to that private school when he was sixteen. And she wanted Michiru. She wanted her more than anyone else in her life. Annie knew that she would have even given up her car racing for her wife.

Of course first she had been worried. Worried about her stubborn daughter. Not shocked that her Haru-chan fell in love with another woman. Not disgusted that her daughter was gay. No, she had simply been concerned. The same concerned she would have been if Michiru would have been a boy, not a girl. Annie only wanted to see her daughter happy. Her one and only child. Her light after her husband got so ill. After the doctors told her that he wouldn't experience his 50th birthday. That was two years before he fell in coma and never woke up again.

"It's nice to see you, Haru-chan."

Hai, she had been very worried when Haruka declared her that she wanted to go to that private school. That she wanted to share a room there with her girlfriend. Of course Annie wanted to get to know that girl. Just one evening had been enough to show her that Michiru was a nice girl. That she loved her Ruka more than anything else. After that evening Annie had been prepared to let her Haru-chan go. The tall blonde was grown up. And with Michiru by her side she would never be really alone.

"It's nice to see you, mommy."

Mommy.

Annie grinned. Her daughter was now a mommy herself. Something Annie would have never expected. She had thought that Michiru would be the one giving birth to a child one day. But Michiru couldn't and so Haruka overtook that part. And she did it great.

"Come here, my most favourite daughter-in-law." Annie brought Michiru to her chest and squeezed her gently.

"I am your only daughter-in-law."

"Hush. Not so loud. Anyone can hear you."

Michiru smiled. Annie was the woman the young violinist believed her wife would become one day. She was tall, even in her old age very strong and lively. Her green eyes sparkled lucky and her once blonde hairs were now grey. She was still thin and full of energy. She knew so many things to tell and sometimes she behaved like a teenager.

Michiru knew that she would love Haruka if she would be that way one day. Even as old grandparents. When Hotaru or Yuki-chan would have children one day.

"And where's my other granddaughter?" Annie stepped into the room and a big grin formed on her face as she saw all the well-known faces. All her daughter's friends were here. Even the queen. But Annie was too old to be formal to the young woman. Especially when she was dirtied with what looked like chocolate cake all over.

"My Himme-chan." She smiled and took her oldest grandchild in her arms. "You grew a lot."

"During the past five months?" Hotaru held her simply tight. She loved her. Suddenly she imagined to see her granny in the mirror. Together with that shadow. Knowing that Annie was too far away to help her right in time.

Hotaru gulped and squeezed her even harder. She didn't want to think about it.

I will never loose you.

She knew, one day that day would arrive. One day she would loose her. One day the old woman would be too old. Simply too old. Just like her parents would be too old one day.

I will never loose one of you.

Hotaru knew that no one could turn back time, that no one could trick death. But she knew that she didn't want to experience it. Not during the next at least twenty years.

I love you all so much.

They stood there for some minutes. Not in silence, because the others started to talk and to eat, too. Rei and Usagi argued again and Minako and Sejya simply started to sing an old song. From a musical. About eternal love. May-chan giggled and accompanied them. With her high, clear voice. Ami only sat on her chair and gulped. Staring at Minako and her daughter singing together. She gulped again but couldn't turn away.

Shortly Annie and Haruka exchanged glances. Haruka only shook her head and Michiru shrugged helpless her shoulders.

"Don't you wanna hear the story I heard in South Africa?" she grinned and slowly let go of her granddaughter who held her tight with all her powers. Thoughtful she looked into dark eyes that were filled with tears.

"What's up, honey?"

"You'll stay, won't you?" whispered Hotaru and panic grew inside her heart. She didn't dare to turn and look into a mirror. The icy feeling wasn't there, but the same fear. The fear she always feared. Every day in her life. More than she could bare.

"Of course." Annie, who felt that Hotaru meant more than just Christmas holidays, nodded. "Of course, my Himme-chan."

Himme-chan.

Hotaru smiled and took a deep breath.

Only daddy and granny call me this way.

Quickly she looked over to her daddy who had wrapped her right arm around her mommy's waist.

I love them all so much.

"And you must be the princess." Annie went over to the table and sat down on the place that was still empty. Haruka had known that she would come before midnight and took a plate for her on the table, too.

"My... you grew a lot, too."

Chibiusa blushed and soon the old woman started to speak. In a pleasant, calm voice. To tell them what she had seen this year in South Africa. Just the past month. What some people told her. Old stories. Fantastic stories. Sometimes even true stories. They ate the rest of their meals and listened breathless to Annie's stories. Haruka simply took Michiru on her lap and rocked her to the soft Christmas music. Makoto took care for a fire in the chimney and the atmosphere was quiet and comfortable. Yuki-chan and May-chan sat next to the old woman, both with opened mouths. Even Usagi and Rei forgot their argument. Tami-chan feel asleep in his daddy's arms and Kakyuu looked very proud at her two guys. Helios leaned back and simply enjoyed it to be there. He had feared that his first Christmas without his parents would be a total catastrophe, but it wasn't. No, it wasn't. It was a great Christmas and he knew that his parents would be happy to see him here. With so many people who obviously loved him.

Minako laid her hands on Ami's shoulders and smiled at her. To show her that she wasn't alone. That THIS was her family. That she shouldn't feel ashamed of anything, because they all liked her. She was part of this family and that May-chan loved her. And that she, Minako, would always be there for her. Ami blushed slightly and nodded. Then she concentrated again on the old woman's words. But she kept were she was. She didn't turn around. Didn't push Minako's hands away.

All felt happy and like Christmas Eve.

But Chibiusa and Hotaru.

Hotaru had sat down next to the chimney. Next to a big dog who came out of the kitchen as he was sure that no child would haunt him any more and laid down on the soft carpet. Thoughtless Hotaru petted the soft fur and stared on her own feet. Wondering what she should say. How she should react.

It was only a simple letter! I couldn't know that Helios is her older brother now!

Hotaru sighed deeply. But no one heard it.

It doesn't make any difference, does it? Little darling would never understand! It took her over three months to write me one single letter! She would have been more worried if she'd felt more for me than simple friendship.

Hotaru brought her legs to her chest and leaned against the warm stone.

Wouldn't she?

Chibiusa sat on her chair, still stirring in her chocolate pudding. Surely it was delicious, but she didn't have any hunger any more. The whole day she had to think of Hotaru's strange behaviour the past day. Of words she didn't understand. Again she saw a sobbing Hotaru who crept deep in her embrace the past night. Not being aware that it had been the princess who held her tight.

Maybe I have been stupid? Maybe I am really a little bit like my mother? Maybe I believed to see what wasn't there. Maybe...

She sighed deeply and forgot to giggle as Annie said a joke. The others burst out into laughter and even Hotaru smiled. Only Chibiusa couldn't. The nearer the hour came when Hotaru would open her present, the sicker she felt.

Maybe it had been a stupid idea. From a total baka.

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"For my most favourite wife."

Haruka grinned and handled her lover a small package. Michiru giggled and took it. Her blue eyes sparkled in the fire's light and she looked simply beautiful.

It was now past ten in the evening and because the children looked already a little bit tired although they would have never admitted it aloud, they started to give each other the first presents.

"You only have one wife."

"Hush! Not so loud. Anyone can hear you."

Michiru giggled again and kissed her love tenderly.

"You're as crazy as your mother, Ruka."

"That are the genes. I am innocent."

"Of course."

Carefully Michiru opened the small box and held the next moment an sparkling ear ring against the candle's light burning on the table next to them. They both sat in a comforting armchair, Michiru on Haruka's lap. Diamonds sparkled like rainbows in the dimmed light.

"Oh... Ruka..." Michiru turned them around and suddenly her hands started to shake. Once she had have the same ear rings. They had been a give from her own mother. To her tenth birthday. That had been a few weeks before she died in a tragic plane accident. Together with her father. Afterwards Michiru came to forster parents who didn't like her a lot and even beat her. Until she got to know Haruka and Haruka got to know about that evil couple. Over night she kidnapped Michiru and moved with her to the private school. Michiru tried to take as much as she owned with her, but those ear rings had been in the safe of the forster parents. Although Michiru had loved that jewellery, she left it behind.

"That's the original." Haruka's voice was suddenly very hoarse.

"How..." Tear sparkled in deep blue eyes and Michiru felt how her wife held her tighter.

"Don't ask me how, Michi." Haruka took a deep breath. She didn't want to think of the cruel day she spent with the couple she hated more than all of the youmas they ever met. It had taken her a fortune but finally they gave her back the jewellery. "A good jeweller's shop cleaned them and now they're like new."

"Oh... Ruka..." Michiru turned around and kissed her lover with all her deep feeling. The kiss tasted a little bit salty.

"I want you to wear them tonight." Haruka's green eyes sparkled and she wiped away some tears from her wife's cheeks. "Only them..."

Michiru had the politeness to blush before she kissed her wife again.

"Merry Christmas."

Before Ami could react she held a small box in her hands. Surprised she raised her head and looked asking in Minako's grinning face. Suddenly she didn't know what to say, because she didn't think of an own present. Well, of course she had a present for the love senshi, too. But it was a normal present. Just like all the other got from her, too. But this small box in her hands looked special.

I am no special...

"I can't..." Ami's eyes darkened and she wanted to push the box away.

"Of course you can." The grin didn't weaken on Minako's face. Attentive she stared into a suddenly very pale face and squeezed icy hands. "It's okay, Ami. Just take it. I wanted to make you a little joy. Nothing more."

Ami gulped and nodded. Finally she unwrapped the little gift and gasped hard for breath as she saw the jewellery. A silver necklace. A blue jewel looked like the deep sea. Just like Ami's eyes that were now filled with tears. She shook her head and needed some tries until she was able to speak.

"That's too precious for me. I can't... really, Mina, I can't..."

"You're precious. That's why you should wear it." Answered Minako simply and put her hands around Ami's holding the necklace tight.

"But... I can't... that's..."

"If you won't take it I'll be very, very angry. Just like May-chan."

"She knew about it?" Ami raised her eyebrows.

"Of course."

"You love her a lot, don't you?" The young doctor glanced over to the two girls who were too occupied with her own presents to see anything else any more. Annie helped them to unwrap their presents and Mamoru was suddenly very busy in taking photos. With Haruka's camera.

"Hai." Minako looked directly into blue eyes.

I love you two.

"I..." Ami turned around and gulped as she saw the hurt expression on Minako's normally grinning face. She took a deep breath.

I hurt her so often. With almost every day that passes by. She cares for May-chan. She cares for me. But I can't give her anything back in return. Nothing. Not since that day...

"Arigato, Mina. The necklace is beautiful." Ami smiled relieved as a big grin bloomed again on Minako's face. She let go of Ami's hands and took the necklace carefully.

"Lift your hairs." She said and her hands trembled a little bit as she laid the jewellery around the young doctor's neck. It looked perfect there. No, Ami looked simply perfect. Her cheeks were now redden and a happy smile laid on her face as she watched how her daughter unwrapped her gift. A huge teddy bear Minako couldn't resist to buy. With a big scream the girl ran over to them. First she embraced Minako, then her mommy. It looked as if she didn't let go again. Ami only embraced her and held her tight. With a tender expression on her face. With a proud expression.

I wish she would look this way every day.

Minako gulped and didn't even realize that Mamoru raised his camera and took some photos of them, too.

I wish she would look at me the same way she looks at May-chan. With so much love...

Again it rang on the door. This time it was Helios who ran to open it. Some moments later he returned with a big envelope in his hands.

"It's for you, Hotaru." He said and handled it to the tall girl who was quickly surrounded by her family. Even Chibiusa left her chair and went over.

"Nani?" whispered Hotaru and a smile crossed her face as she recognized the neat handwriting. "That's from Marie!" she shouted and sat down on the soft carpet and ripped open the envelope. "My... that must have cost her a fortune. She only sent it yesterday." Hotaru giggled excited her pale cheeks reddened as all the photos fell out.

"I can't believe it! She secretly took my films! And she made her films as well." Hotaru's dark eyes sparkled and suddenly Chibiusa felt hurt. Hurt and alone. Jealousy burned in her soul. As hard and as hot as she had never experienced before.

Again that Marie! What does she want from her? What does this girl want from my Taru?

Chibiusa gulped as she saw how different photos were handled. They all sat down around the excited giggling girl. Only Chibiusa kept standing. Not able to move. Not able to say a word. Even not able to think any longer. Not a clear thought. All that excited in her heart was jealousy. And pain.

"That's Marie on the horse there. It's called Sarah, but she calls it Sarah." Explained Hotaru and handled the photo over to Haruka who only made a face. She had the same fear of horses her daughter had. She would have never admitted it aloud, but Michiru and Hotaru knew it. They both grinned at each other.

"That would be great for you, too, wouldn't it, Haru-chan?" was all Annie commented.

"Marie comes from France and calls me 'otaru, because she has difficulties to say the h . But that's okay." Hotaru giggled and held up another photo. "And she loves pink dresses. Although she looks cute this way."

Cute?

That girl should be cute?

Chibiusa was raging. But still she didn't know what to say. Especially not when all people, even her parents were around.

Cute?

"Oh..." Hotaru blushed and wanted to hide another photo. But Michiru was faster and smiled as she looked at it.

"You still have your samurai costume?" she giggled and held it over to Sejya.

"Well... that was our Christmas promotion. I... I didn't like those dresses there and thought, hey, let's show them a little bit of Japanese tradition. They liked it."

"You played the piano there?" Sejya looked interested. Surely he was already dreaming of having Hotaru on his stage. The way he always dreamed of having Haruka there. Haruka who often denied.

"Hai. Some other people wanted to sing some easy songs and I played for them." Hotaru showed another picture. "And that is Cindy. She sang a song about cats. It was really funny." Hotaru looked in disbelieve at all the pictures and knew that she did the right thing in buying Marie the pink kimono.

"Oh... and here we danced. Actually I didn't want to dance on the promotion, but Marie has a kind of convincing one..." Hotaru shrugged with her shoulders and blushed deeply as another picture was handled around.

Dancing?

My Taru is dancing with that bitch?

Chibiusa looked for a long time on the picture. It showed Hotaru in a dark tuxedo costume. Dancing arm in arm with a blonde girl. Who wore a strange pink dress. Both laughed and seemed to have fun with each other.

Dancing?

How can she...

And I thought...

Chibiusa let her shoulders hang and put the picture away. Suddenly she felt very tired. Suddenly she only wanted to go in her bed and put her pillow over her head.

I had been so wrong all those years. So wrong...

"Do you have a girlfriend?" Annie who was very often about those things since she discovered that her daughter was gay, giggled as Hotaru blushed deeply.

"Nope, you curious devil-chan." Answered Hotaru and showed her her tounge. "That's Kevin, Marie's boyfriend. And believe me, granny, it took me endless weeks to get them together."

"You're just like your daddy." Grinned Annie and shortly looked at Sejya who held his sleeping son tight in his arms.

Kevin?

Marie's boyfriend?

So that French girl isn't Taru's girlfriend?

Chibiusa stared at the laughing boy with short brown hairs and frowned.

Of course she isn't Hotaru's girlfriend. Hotaru isn't like her parents. Otherwise she would have told me. Me, her best friend.

The princess gulped and finally sat down o her chair again. Staring into the dying flames of a candle.

Wouldn't she?

"And now, let's sing karaoke." Minako's eyes sparkled as she grabbed Ami's hands and pulled her on her feet as they had seen all of Marie's photos.

"First let's take Tami-chan into his bed upstairs." Declared Kakyuu and took her son into her arms. Five minutes later the couple reappeared and they started to sing. Yuki-chan and May-chan who seemed to have been tired some minutes ago were awoke with a sudden and danced and sang and laughed, too.

The best one was Haruka and Sejya singing a love song. Haruka as the shy girl and Sejya as the strong, protecting boy. They all laughed as the two actors blushed deeply.

Annie song a song about an old locomotive and Usagi and Rei sang about all day life. About Friday the 13th and that everything could go wrong. Just like their performance. Usagi stumbled and fell right on Rei who fell from the couch they misused as stage. After they made sure that none of them hurt themselves they all burst into laughter again.

They all. But Chibiusa who was suddenly very nervous.

Shall I? Shall I not?

"Taru?"

It was the moment when Michiru and Makoto sang a song about an old samurai fighting against a dragon. Of course Makoto was the dragon and Michiru the brave samurai. Yuki-chan screamed that her mommy should win while Makoto's dog suddenly sat on her lap and wanted to be petted.

"Hai, Chibiusa?"

The princess was for a moment too stunned to react. Her hands who held a package tight, trembled and she almost let it fall.

Chibiusa?

Not little darling?

The pink haired girl couldn't remember a time, not a single time when Hotaru called her different than little darling. It had been her nickname and everyone knew that.

When did she decide to call me my normal name? And why?

Chibiusa took a deep breath and pushed the package into Hotaru's hands.

"Merry Christmas, Taru." Chibiusa kneaded her hands and gulped as she saw how Hotaru wanted to put the package away. "Open it now. Please."

Hotaru raised her eyebrows, but didn't respond anything. While Michiru misused a loaf bread to fight against Makoto who petted her old doggy with passion and tried to make him growl at the young violinist, Hotaru sat back on the table and unwrapped carefully the present.

I didn't even give her my CD.

Hotaru saw the old fairy tale book and took a deep breath. It was very old and the tall girl was sure that her friend searched very long to find it. Shortly she opened the book to read the table of content. If her most favourite fairy tale was in there too. But she didn't read it. Instead she stared at the few words on the first page. Right above a smiling frog. Hotaru knew the writing. It was Chibiusa's neat one. There were no lines under the words. Chibiusa seemed to have written them simply down into the book. Not the way she normally wrote into poetry books of class mates.

Nani?

Hotaru read the few words again and again. Until she understood them. But without understanding their meaning. Their real meaning.

Dear Hotaru, she could read. merry Christmas. This book is sixty years old as the bookseller told me. Hope I'll still know you when I am that old one day. And I hope that I'll still love you the way I do right now. Your little darling.

What love does she mean? The love to an old friend? To her best friend? To the older sister she never had? Simply to someone who belongs to her family?

Hotaru raised her head and her eyes grew wide as she saw tears sparkling in pink eyes. As she saw the fear there. The unsafeness.

Little darling's frightened? Unsure? What of?

"It's now your turn!" Suddenly Minako stood there and grabbed for Chibiusa's arm. "Don't worry, it's an easy song. Do you wanna join her, Hotaru-chan?"

Hotaru stared at her for some moments. Then she rose from her chair and shook her head.

"I need a little bit fresh air." She marbled before she crossed the room. They could hear the front door.

Nani?

Chibiusa kneaded her icy hands harder and looked unsure at the book. Still laying open at the table.

Wasn't it right? Did I loose her? Her friendship? Her trust?

"It's too hot in the room. I told you." Rei looked suddenly very concerned. Just like Haruka and Michiru. "Hope she doesn't faint now."

"I'll take a look for her." Chibiusa grabbed the book and stumbled over her own feet. Minako held her tight and sighed that she was indeed like her mother. Usagi didn't respond. She was too occupied to steal Rei a chocolate bar. "I am sure some minutes outside will be good for her. We'll be back soon."

With those words Chibiusa left the others behind. Not caring how stupid she might have looked. Her thoughts and her worries were too big that she would have worried about anything else than her Taru.

Maybe I ruined everything with those words.

Maybe...

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Hotaru stood motionless in the fresh snow. Snow flakes danced around her figure. She had wrapped her arms around her slim body. Of course she froze like hell. It was Christmas Eve, almost midnight. She forgot her jacket and only wore her house shoes. But she wouldn't return. Not now. Not as long as Chibiusa was still in the house. Not as long as her illjudged words hurt her so much.

Love! Chibiusa had always talked about love. About the love to her parents. To her aunts and her uncles. To her friends. To her best friend. Always talking about the love a sister would feel. Just that Hotaru felt something else.

I should have stayed in America.

Hotaru took a deep breath and closed her eyes. The rushes of the waves couldn't calm her down this time. But nevertheless they sounded so comforting familiar.

I should have never come back. To this place. To my little darling who doesn't understand me at all...

"Taru?"

She winced wildley as suddenly a warm jacket was put around her hanging shoulders.

"Don't you freeze?"

Hotaru didn't turn around as she heard Chibiusa's quiet voice. For a long time they stood there in silence. Both watching the snow flakes floating down to earth. Both of them thinking their own personal thoughts. Both of them asking how to start.

"Go back, Chibiusa. It's cold and I am sure your mother don't want you to be ill tomorrow on the official festival in the Crystal palace."

"Chibiusa? Not little darling?" Chibiusa felt how tears burned in her eyes. She didn't know what she had awaited from her little note in the book, but somehow she had hoped that Hotaru wouldn't react the way she reacted right now. "Why did you run away?"

Hotaru didn't answer. She only stood there, stared wordless into the black waves. Some lights came from the house but her face was in shadows. So that Chibiusa couldn't see the expression.

"Is it because of my words?"

There was the sound of a sob, but somehow Chibiusa couldn't move. She was like paralysed.

"When will you finally stop to torture me in that way?" whispered Hotaru and clenched her fists. "When will you finally leave me in peace? It already hurts enough..."

"What hurts?" Chibiusa was now totally confused. Once she had understand her best friend so well, now she wasn't even sure if it was indeed Hotaru who stood next to her. The human she trusted the most on this earth. The person who meant the most in her life.

"You really ask what? Are you really so blind like your mother? That you promise your love to someone knowing you can't keep it?" Hotaru stroke a strand that escaped her knot behind her ears. Her hand trembled.

"Nani?" Chibiusa frowned, holding the book still tight in her own hands. "Do you want to say that my love to you hurts?"

"I don't want your love!" Hotaru spread her arms and pushed the jacket away. She stepped a little bit towards the water and a total astonished Chibiusa followed her automatically. "I don't want it this way. Didn't you ever notice it? Did you never see the signs?" Hotaru sighed and lowered defeated her head to stare at her snow covered house shoes. "Do you understand what I am talking about?"

"No... not really." The princess swallowed and bowed to pick up the jacket. "What love are you talking about?"

Still Hotaru could lie. Still she could say some words that were not true, invent a story. Just to go back to the light house and to end this Christmas. Just to go back to America. And maybe, never return again. At least not to the princess of Crystal Tokyo.

I could lie to her.

Hotaru knew that Chibiusa was worth a thousand lies. That she was worth everything. That Hotaru would have anything just to see the princess happy. Just to know that she still was her friend. At least her friend.

No, she deserves the truth.

Hotaru rubbed her burning eyes.

"Your feelings towards me. I mean..."

Chibiusa closed her eyes and tears burned behind her lashes.

Your knew that it was senseless. You knew it from the beginning on. And now you lost her faith and probably her friendship!

"I mean... it's very honourable that you see an older sister in me. You're the princess of Crystal Tokyo and to be your sister and that would mean that I would be a little bit royal, too." Hotaru grinned but it was a sad grin. "It's the best friendship I ever had, Chibiusa. We could do all those crazy things and somehow I hoped that it would stay always this way. That you wouldalways be there. That we would make so much nonsense together. Driving our parents crazy. First I thought that Helios is your boyfriend and... and that kinda opened my eyes. Suddenly I saw that it would never stay the way it had been, Chibiusa. That you wouldn't stay my little darling forever. That you would leave me one day." Hotaru dug with her shoes in the soft snow. "I mean..." she sighed deeply. It was so hard to say it. Even all those months. Even all the nights she laid awake. "When you talk about love, you mean friendship, Chibiusa. I mean something different."

Chibiusa gulped as she head the silent confession of her best friend.

Can it be?

Is it real?

"Is that why you went to America and not to Kyoto or Tokyo?" Chibiusa felt how her heart beat violently inside her chest. Her thoughts spun around and she felt suddenly very dizzy. Did she understand Hotaru's words right? Was there another chance for her? A chance for a late, but final happy end?

"Hai." Nodded Hotaru and took another deep breath. Everything was too late. Why didn't she tell Chibiusa all the ugly story? Then it would be out. Then it would be over. And Hotaru could go to America with hopefully a better conscience. Maybe it would be easier for her to return the next summer. "I thought that I could change my mind there. That I could forget you and..." Hotaru took another deep breath. "And maybe to find someone else. So that I can return and see you without that pain..."

"Did it work?" Chibiusa didn't dare to breath. Marie had a boyfriend, but what was when Hotaru lied to her parents? Too afraid to tell them that she was like them.

Is Hotaru really like them?

Really?

There was a shaky laughter from Hotaru and she buried her hands in her pockets.

"Nope. Of course it didn't."

For a long time they stood there in silence. Listening again to the waves. Hotaru had her eyes closed. As she had awaited did Chibiusa finally move.

Surely she's walking back.

Hotaru felt how her head ache increased. Just like the pain in her heart.

That's the worst Christmas in my whole life.

"Taru?"

Slowly she opened her eyes as she felt how the jacket was again pulled around her shoulders. For some seconds Hotaru stared into pink eyes she loved so much. Again she saw a little girl chasing her through the palace's garden. Again she saw a small girl splashing her with ocean water. Again she saw a grown girl sitting on a slice. Wanting her to join her. Again she saw her best friend sitting in her bed. Holding the remote control in her hands and showing grinning at the TV. At the horror video she smuggled from her father's collection.

It had been so many nice years.

Two tears escaped Hotaru's eyes and ran slowly over her pale cheeks.

So damn nice years. I wish I could make them return again. I wish I could turn back time. I wish little darling would always be my best friend.

Chibiusa smiled unsure and raised her hands. Hotaru didn't wince away. She only lowered her head and stared now at the snow again on the ground. She felt how Chibiusa opened the knot and black hairs fell over her shoulders. The princess's hands were tenderly as she stroke some strands out of Hotaru's face behind her ears. Then she put her hands under the taller girl's chin and forced her, to look back into her face.

"I like your hair more when you have it open." Whispered Chibiusa and couldn't breath any longer. Her heart beat increased and she gulped as she saw again into dark eyes.

What if I understood her wrong? Wouldn't be the first time in my life...

Chibiusa gulped again and blinked.

Even if I misunderstood her, that's worth it. Surely...

The princess ignored her inner voice and leaned forward. Hotaru's eyes grew wide but she didn't react. She only stood there and let Chibiusa wrap her arms around her neck. They could feel each other's warm breath on their cold cheeks. None of them dared to speak. None of them dared to move. None of them dared to do anything than staring in the other one's sparkling eyes. Until Chibiusa stepped on her tip toes. Her lips touched tenderly Hotaru's. It was only for a light second and the next moment the princess stood again in the snow, only some inches away, but it had been the gentlest touch Hotaru ever experienced.

"Don't ya know, Taru, that I've always talked about love?" whispered Chibiusa and swallowed hard. "I don't mean friendship when I say I love you . Don't ya know, Taru?" The princess blushed but still didn't let go. "I love you, Taru." It was nothing more than a silent whisper. But for Hotaru it was the loudest scream. Her heart jumped and for some second she thought she would faint. She felt so dizzy but the same time so incredibly... happy? Did she feel happy?

She loves me!

Hotaru didn't know if she should start to laugh or to cry.

She loves me!

My little darling loves me!

Chibiusa, unsure about Hotaru's reaction, or better, her missing reaction, wanted to let go. But that moment she felt how strong arms embraced her. How Hotaru pulled her nearer to her own trembling body. Then she kissed her. With all her love. They both closed their eyes and the world stopped to exist. Everything vanished into the night's darkness. Only they were left over. Shipwrecked in an endless sea. That only belonged to them.

I love you, Taru.

I love you so much, little darling.

It seemed to take eternity until they separated again. Tenderly they smiled at each other. The first real expression on their now blushed faces. Then they started to giggle.

"Guess we've been really stupid." Laughed Chibiusa and messed Hotaru's dark hairs. Her braided plaid laid over her right shoulder and her lips were red and swollen. She looked as messed as Hotaru, but the same time the princess looked as beautiful as she had never looked before.

"The whole time I thought you would know it. And then you simply go to America and leave me alone."

Hotaru gulped and caressed tenderly blushed cheeks.

"When I'll return from America in spring I'll never leave you alone again, little darling."

Little darling.

Chibiusa's heart made another jump.

"Do you give your Indian word of honour?" smirked Chibiusa and was suddenly the old Chibiusa Hotaru knew so well. Hotaru grew up. Hotaru feel so madly in love with. The cold, unreachable princess she had seen during the past hours disappeared until only a bitter sweat memory would remain.

"I do." whispered Hotaru and leaned again over to Chibiusa to kiss her again. Hai, that was again her little darling. But the same she was complete different. Because now she knew that she loved her.

I'll never leave you again, my love. Never again.

They closed again their eyes as their lips met. Not caring that they still stood in the deep snow. That flakes and light wind were playing with her clothes. That the sea rushed only some inches away. All they felt was each other.

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Christmas was over too soon. Just like the two weeks of vacations. Sejya, Minako and Michiru gave their concerts and the whole team listened to them, yelled at them, wanted them to sing a little bit more. Just like the rest of the audience. Granny Annie spent the whole time with them. They visited the zoo, the circus and went more than once to the cinema. Yuki-chan loved her granny and it was for May-chan the nicest Christmas present besides that her mommy didn't have to work, that she was allowed to call Annie her granny, too. She who didn't have any grandparents.

Those two weeks past by and before they could react they stood on the airport again. Saying goodbye to the old woman who would spend the rest of the winter in Brasilia. And they had to say goodbye to Hotaru who would return to the private school in America. The tall girl had have a long discussion with her girlfriend and Chibiusa decided that Hotaru should finish her year in America. That she should take the praxis lessons there and get an incredible good report. That the princess would wait until spring. Four more months, but Chibiusa looked really brave and promised not to cry.

"We should better got. Before the others will be concerned. And before you miss your fly." Said Chibiusa between different kisses. They were in the bathroom to say goodbye. Or better, to kiss goodbye. Chibiusa didn't want to tell her parents right now. The situation was so new for her, she wanted a little bit more time until she would have to face her parent's stunned faces. The same was for Hotaru. Okay, her parents were gay, but still she felt unsafe whenever she thought about a discussion with them. So they decided to tell them later. When they would find the right words. One day..

"Do you want to kick me out?" giggled Hotaru and held her girlfriend a little bit tighter.

"Nope..." Chibiusa stroke through dark strands. "But you should really go outside, take your plane and hurry up so that you'll soon return." The princess broke softly the touch to Hotaru and stepped back. To correct her pullover and to handle Hotaru a hairbrush. The tall girl had her hair open again and it was only a matter of time until it looked messed. Especially with Chibiusa being around.

"Then let's go." Hotaru sighed deeply and kissed her girlfriend again.

"I'll only let you go under one condition."

"And that is?" Hotaru raised her eyebrows and kissed Chibiusa again.

Hell, I love you so much!

"Write a letter."

Hotaru laughed, took a suddenly squeaking Chibiusa in her arms and swirled around with her through the whole bathroom.

"One letter? I'll write you thousands, little darling."

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