Walk of Shame

Serenity made herself look as presentable as she could before trudging back to the city. She didn't know what Balir would do. What if he told his father to cut ties with her family or worse, bad mouth her to her own father? The alcohol she'd consumed made her stomach churn, and she was starting to get a headache. She carried her heels in her hand and brushed the sand off her shoulder. She knew Balir now hated her, but the way he turned on her so fast was strange. The sex was surprisingly good too, but maybe that was just because of how aroused she was. Serenity kept thinking about the Khajiit and how he said he'd pleasure her. His beautiful eyes and glorious physique played on her mind, and would surely accompany her in her lust-filled dreams. She sighed blissfully as she climbed the stairs which led into Daggerfall.

Upon returning to Hearthhart Hall, Serenity saw that the party was still in full swing. Her father was extremely drunk, and his eyes lit up when he saw her. He staggered over to Serenity, laughing and spilling his drink, with an arm around Mr. T'rizul's neck.

"Ah, the light of my life. My lovely daughter, Serenity. Enjoying yourself with this guy's son? Buh-Balir?" he said as he hiccuped. "He's a fine gentleman, he is!"

Serenity rolled her eyes. "Indeed, father."

"Mr. T'rz…zzr... well, we're heading to the inn for some more rounds, his idea!"

"I'm sure it was. You look like you've had enough," said Serenity, as she sighed and scanned the room. "Where's Rosalie?"

"She's here!" called Rosalie's soft voice as she appeared behind Mattias. "Don't worry, I'll go with him and make sure he doesn't get too carried away."

"Okay, thank you," said Serenity as she watched her father stumble into the lobby. She turned back to Rosalie, who smiled at her.

"That's a beautiful hairstyle, dear," said Rosalie. "It does look stunning on you, but it's a style normally worn by the Redguards. Are you sure you won't offend anyone? Redguards are among those whom you'd least want to upset, trust me."

"Thank you. Honestly, that's what I thought as well. But Cas did it for me, and she insisted I leave it like this."

"Interesting," said Rosalie as she narrowed her eyes. "It really suits you. What will you do now, sweetheart? Where's Bal—"

"I'm going to bed. I don't know where Balir is, but I really need to find Cas. Have you seen her?"

"She'd be in the kitchens helping the servants I'd imagine. I'd better go, goodnight sweetheart!" Rosalie said over her shoulder as she hurried to catch up with Mattias.

Serenity made her way past rowdy guests and tired-looking servers. She saw Salazar flirting with a rosy-cheeked Redguard woman near the stairs, and Bran sitting on a chair reading. As she was passing Bran, Serenity called out to him over the noise.

"I see you're the life of the party, as always," she said sarcastically.

Bran gave her a wry smile. "You know I hate socializing. Have you been rolling around in the sand or something? You look a bit worse for wear."

"I mean yeah, something like that. I'm gonna go find Cas. You should talk to some of the guests, maybe you'll finally find a wife!"

Bran shook his head before waving a hand at her dismissively.

Serenity entered the kitchen to see Cas in the corner holding a basket of warm towels, talking to none other than Balir.

"Gods, what's he up to?" Serenity mumbled to herself.

Balir saw her and quickly made himself scarce. Cas beamed at her, bouncing over happily.

"What was he saying?" Serenity asked Cas.

"Not a lot. He was just asking me about Valenwood. Did something happen between you two?"

"You could say that. He isn't as gentlemanly as he tries to come across."

"Oh, dear. What have you been through tonight? Have you looked in a mirror lately?"

"That bad, is it?" Serenity put a hand over her forehead. "I just want nothing more than a bath and a cup of tea. Could you please come and help me?" She was close to crying.

"Oh Serenity, of course. Go on upstairs. I'll just finish up here and then I'll be right along!"

Serenity sat in the bath in her luxurious ensuite as Cas rubbed her back gently. Serenity loved that she was always there. She did have Rosalie as a motherly figure, but she couldn't rely on her as she could with Cas, who doubled up as a mother and best friend. She could talk to her about anything.

"So, do you want to tell me what happened with Balir? What did he do?" asked Cas.

"I don't know. We were drinking and talking, then some things… happened," Serenity said as she played with the bubbles in the water.

"Like what?"

"Like… look, we saw a group of people at the docks. They were brawling, and—"

"Oh, Herma-Mora's wagging tongue! Were you hurt? Those Godless ruffians. I oughta have a word with Addison about who the Guard lets into Daggerfall!"

Serenity laughed as Cas raised her fists angrily.

"No, no, they were brawling with each other. They did nothing to me, I swear. But…"

"Oohhhh, what?" Cas muttered, beginning to arc up again.

"The man who won the fight impressed me. Except, he wasn't exactly a man… he was a Khajiit."

"A Khajiit?" Cas said as her eyes widened. "Tell me what happened. Are you sure no one touched you?"

"It's more like… I wanted him to touch me. I even rubbed my arm, the way you told me to if I wanted to get a man's attention."

"Ah... and this happened in front of Balir, did it?"

"It did."

Cas lifted her arm and leaned on the edge of the bathtub, resting her head on her wet hand. "Is that when you came back?"

"No. Balir was angry with me though," Serenity said as she stretched back in the bath.

"The Dunmer and Khajiit don't get along, you should know that Serenity. Think about this from Balir's perspective," Cas said as massaged Serenity's shoulder. "He was part of House Dres, and you know what they're like. You were with Balir publicly. Having you show obvious interest in anyone of a lower class, especially a Khajiit or an Argonian, would be beyond an insult to someone like him."

"But Cas… he called me a slut, and slapped me across the face."

"He WHAT?"

"We went to the empty cave near the docks, you know, the one that Addison raided. I was just so caught up in the moment and kind of drunk. We had sex and then he left me straight after."

"Oh heavens, Serenity."

"Do you think he'll tell father?"

Cas got up to get a towel. "Well, I should hope not. But I have half a mind to clip him across the ear myself, I have. Quite frankly, I—" Cas stopped talking when she saw that Serenity was crying.

"Oh, Ren... he wouldn't dare tell your father that he hit his daughter, had sex with her and then left the scene straight after. It would look terrible, not just for him, but for his family as well. And those Dunmer are all about their family honor."

"Can I ask you a question, Cas?"

"Of course."

"Do you think it would be weird to have an attraction to someone other than, well, a man or mer?"

Cas laughed loudly. "The Argonian, remember? I completely understand. Nothing wrong with it, you wouldn't be the first human to have a crush on a Betmer. What do you like about him?"

Serenity tilted her head back.

"I dunno there was just something about him, and I felt this… connection to him. Oh, and the way he made that Orc vomit—"

"Oh, Y'ffre."

"I mean, oh no, I'm not explaining it very well."

"Whatever you say."

Serenity covered her face in embarrassment as Cas shook her head.

They heard a knock coming from her bedroom door.

"That'd be the maid, hold on," said Cas. She jumped up and ran out the suite door.

Serenity pondered for a bit while Cas was gone, and sat up when she returned.

"I'd love to find him, I think he's somewhere in Daggerfall. I might try looking for them tomorrow."

"Ah… I don't think that's such a good idea, Ess."

Serenity looked dismayed. "Why not?" she complained.

"You have a duty, you know that. Sleeping with the men around town, it's fine for now. But your father would draw the line with a Khajiit, and other lower-class types like him. If he was a noble… I don't know, maybe. But I'm guessing, as a dock brawler, your handsome friend is no noble?"

"Cas, I just want to find him."

"You know, your mother wouldn't like you hanging out with his sort. Balir was a good match, albeit an arse," said Cas, placing a cup down on one of the bath tables. She sat on the edge of the bath and dried her hands on a small towel. "You're getting older now, and since you're no elf… you might want to start looking for a man to settle down with."

Serenity crossed her arms. "I don't want anyone like Balir."

"Well, you liked him just fine this morning!"

"Things feel different for me now."

"In what way?"

Serenity sighed, tucking her hair behind her ear. "I just feel like there's more to life than this. Those people I saw were poor, but they had this… lightness about them. They were happy, Cas. Happy just drinking, laughing, and having a good time. I don't remember having such a time like that in my life, like ever."

"What do you mean?" Cas said, frowning. "You have me don't you?"

"You're also paid by my family to be here," Serenity said curtly.

"I'm gonna pretend I didn't just hear that. I bet any one of those people would gladly trade lives with you in a heartbeat. Anyway…" Cas stood and picked up a serving tray. "Whether you like it or not, this is your life. You have wealth and all the duty that comes along with it. I'm sorry Ren, but that's not going to change. You don't need whatever sort of life those folks can offer you anyway. You're one of the lucky ones, even if you don't appreciate it."

Serenity considered that for a second. "Well, my mother left," she said. "She didn't want this life either. Maybe I'm more like her than I thought."

"You want to be like your mother? The one who abandoned her family and shirked her responsibilities?"

"This isn't like you, Cas. You're normally on my side."

"I only want what's best for you. I don't want you running off with a Khajiit. Nor bandit gangs, or pirates! You haven't seen the world for what it is… it's not as romantic as you think. Just scraping by isn't a good way of existing in Tamriel, trust me. Look, just promise me you won't go looking for trouble."

Serenity sighed. "Fine."

"Goodnight Serenity. Don't be upset, okay? I guarantee they're not the sort of company a lady like yourself would want to keep," Cas said, before turning around and leaving the room.

Serenity sat on her windowsill in the candlelight, looking out at the night. The Abecean looked so peaceful underneath an ocean of stars. The street lamps came in and out of focus, and some restless ocean gulls sang their low songs. She could see lights on the distant horizon, coming from somewhere across the Iliac Bay. It gave her a sense of wonder. Serenity acknowledged the discontentment in her heart, and it suddenly seemed as if she'd always felt this way. She didn't want this life. She didn't want to work in Wayrest, to take over her father's company and live out his dream. She wanted to write poetry, bard songs, adventure tales, and romance. She wanted to drink and laugh with friends, real friends, ones who her father didn't pay for. She closed her eyes and thought about how much she wished for a different life.

Suddenly, a bright light in the sky caught Serenity's attention. She tried looking for its source but wasn't quite sure where it came from. A thought suddenly occurred to her. Once, when Serenity was a child, she went on a trip to Sentinel with her mother. She couldn't quite remember why, but she did recall meeting an old Dunmer named Dragir. He told her about a Daedric Prince known as Azura. He referred to her as "a good Daedra, for what that's worth". Back then, Serenity knew Daedra only as terrifying monsters, demons, evil beings that should never be convened with under any circumstances. But Dragir insisted that Azura had a hand in all things, and speaking to her could change the very fabric of your existence.

"If you want to change your fate, the course of your life, your very destiny… talk to her, and she'll see to it. She'll make it happen," Dragir had told her. Serenity could almost hear his words echoing in her mind.

"I guess it couldn't hurt," Serenity said out loud.

She'd never spoken to a Daedra before, and she felt weird just kneeling on the floor. She decided to sit on a cushion while holding a candle.

"Azura, Azura… if you can hear me, I call upon you for your aid," Serenity said. She started to feel foolish, but she continued. "I'm not happy with my life, I want it to be different. I want to experience more of Tamriel. I want to escape my duty, meet new people, and have my perspective changed." Serenity closed her eyes tightly shut. "I want authenticity in my life. I want to know my real strength, the things I'm capable of. I want to see another side of myself and life."

Serenity opened her eyes and her heart started beating faster. A vision of her mother flashed into her mind. "I want to see the world, I want to find my mother, I want to know the truth!" she shouted.

The candle Serenity was holding suddenly extinguished. She looked around the room but saw nothing.

Serenity sighed. She picked up her now cold tea and walked towards the bed. Maybe her life won't ever change… but Cas was probably right. She didn't know anything about the world really, only the things she had read about. She just hoped the discontentment she felt would go away, but she knew in her heart that it wouldn't. She got into her large, comfortable bed and closed her heavy eyes. As she was on the fringes of sleep, Serenity frowned. She felt a presence in her room, and something icy gripped her chest.

"And so it is," whispered a beautiful, disembodied voice, which somehow came from both everywhere and nowhere.