Chapter three: It's a man's world

Hotaru laughed happily as Michiru took her into her arms and rocked her gently. Immediately tiny hands grabbed for sea green strands and the sea princess giggled.

"You're a little devil, don't ya know?" she whispered and tickled the little girl who laughed even louder. The smile on the round face warmed Michiru's heart and she knew that she couldn't go away from Uranus again. What ever happened. What ever the prince did with her after the wedding. What ever she was supposed to do as the queen of Uranus, it was alike to her - as long as Hotaru was happy.

I love her.

She knew it since the first time she saw the baby in her father's arms.

"You're my little devil." Michiru leaned forward and gave Hotaru a tender kiss on the small forehead. "You're my Himme-chan. My little darling."

Haruka stood unnoticed at the door frame and watched them in silence.

"That's also my letter!"

A giggling Minako crashed into the room and almost hit Haruka as she waved some sheets of paper in her hands. A blushed Ami followed her sister and asked desperate for the letter.

"Serenity wrote it for me, too."

Michiru raised her head and frowned as she saw Haruka next to the door, correcting her turban.

How long has he been here?

"Now, give it to me!" Ami's blue eyes shimmered and Minako laughed even more while she climbed over several pillows around the sea princess.

"What will I get in return?" Minako hold the letter high in the air and stepped on a pillow so that her sister couldn't reach it.

"You're a little..."

"Princess Serenity?" asked Michiru and frowned. Both princesses forgot their argument and turned towards her with surprised expressions on their faces.

"Hai, Serenity from Moon. We're good friends and even if we're far away we write each other." Answered Ami and used her chance to get the letter. "She writes that she can't wait to get to know you. And she can't wait to come to the wedding to see you in a wedding dress."

"And to eat the wedding meals." Giggled Minako and jumped from the pillow to look over her sister's shoulder down at the childlike writing.

Wedding.

Michiru swallowed hard and lowered her head. Automatically she picked up the bunny Hotaru threw down on the soft carpet. The little girl laughed happily and took it again in her hands to throw it again.

Wedding.

The last weeks had been fantastic with the Mercury sisters. They spent most of the time in the desert, even when the prince was busy with politics. Fluffy trusted them and took them to every place they wanted to go. Michiru showed Ami the lake and they both spent long evenings in warm water. Just talking or swimming. While Minako sat on a stone in the middle and sung traditional songs from Mercury. She had a good voice and Michiru could spent hours in the warm water listening to the beautiful voice. Sometimes she was sad that Haruka didn't have time for them. But he was the future king and he had a lot to do.

Wedding.

During the nice days and the long nights she spent with a crying Hotaru who couldn't sleep and got bored Michiru forgot why she was allowed to stay on Uranus. That those weeks weren't vacations as they were for the Mercury sisters.

Wedding.

She didn't think about the whole festival at all. She didn't know the tradition nor did she have a wedding dress.

Nor did I think of what will happen after we're finally married.

The wedding would be in exactly a week, one day after a special date. When Hotaru would be six months old and the death of her mother would be half a year ago.

Only one week.

Michiru raised her head again and looked over to Haruka who still leaned against a column pillar in silence.

We didn't talk about it after I came here. What does he awaits from me? How will the whole ceremony take place? Whom did he really invite?

But she didn't dare to ask aloud. Because she didn't know which answers she would get. If she would like to hear those answers.

They can't be worse than the life I would have spend together with the earl.

But still she was unsure. The prince gave her so much. He cared about her and slowly the bruises disappeared from her skin. She was allowed to do what she liked - as long as she took care of Hotaru. She knew she should be grateful for all those things. But somehow she wasn't. Each time she looked into dark green eyes and saw deep love in them she felt guilty and unsure. Because the prince still mourned over his late fiancée. And all the love Michiru saw when he looked at his daughter was Haruka's love for Rumiko.

Strange thing! Don't behave so silly, Michiru!

But the sea princess wasn't sure any longer if she was able to live with a ghost. With a shadow she could see every time she looked into dark eyes. She could hear every time when Haruka spoke over the dead woman. She could feel every time when the prince helped her to cover her bruises with the healing cream. Michiru knew that he was only thinking of Rumiko when he caressed her back. She didn't want to admit it, but she felt sad about it.

You can't change the past!

Michiru sighed deeply.

But this way I can't change the future as well.

"Serenity writes that she can't wait to see Himme-chan. She believes that she's a cute child." Declared Ami and looked smiling down at the small baby.

"For Serenity all children are cute, you know her." Laughed Minako and read on.

You said you didn't expect love. Only security and a little bit of friendship. So why are you disappoint now? You should be thankful for the faith he has in you! For the first time you found a place you belong and now you want to run away just because of your silly pride? Be grateful, Michiru!

But she knew she wasn't.

"Oh... and she writes that her mother, the queen, won't come to your wedding. Serenity writes that the queen isn't very happy about the wedding and that she has better things to do."

Better things to do.

Haruka clenched her fists but still leaned against the column pillar. She knew that these had been the queen's words, because Serenity was too honest to lie.

"So it'll be a nice wedding." Said the tall woman and her voice was icy. She remembered the queen too well. When she had been ten years old and begged for help the queen only said that Uranus was an outer planet and not her business. That she should go to another outer planet. So Haruka did and asked Rumiko and Jimmy for help. Later when Jimmy died and Rumiko asked the queen for help she still refused any support. The queen first reacted when Rumiko was dead and Hotaru was born. Then she wanted to give the small princess to her grandparents. At that point Haruka went mad. She travelled to the moon, screamed loud at the queen and declared determined that Hotaru was her daughter and that she would raise her. After that incident five months ago she didn't hear anything from the queen again. And to be honest, Haruka wasn't very sad about it. She had to invite the queen - that was tradition. And so she was happy that she wouldn't come and would send her daughter instead. Princess Serenity was sometimes a wild girl and she surely cried a lot. But she was friendly and honestly. Haruka liked her.

"You shouldn't talk about her in that way, Haruka." Scolded Ami but knew that the prince was right. No one really liked the queen. Even her daughter was afraid of her.

"Who did you invite, Haruka?" asked Michiru after she counted until ten and took a deep breath. But the prince didn't turn away as she had expected.

"A lot." Haruka took a paper out of her pants and walked over to the young woman. Michiru looked suddenly very pale while she reached again for Hotaru's toy bunny.

"Gomen, Michiru. I had no other choice than to invite your father, too. But if he says only one mean word or if he even looks at you in a wrong way, I'll throw him out personally." She declared and frowned as she saw suddenly tears shimmering in deep blue eyes.

I wish he would mean it...

"I am so lucky to be part of that wedding." Shouted Minako suddenly happily and threw the letter high in the air. Ami was busy to fetch it. "Because I want to see it on my own how you kick a mighty king out of your castle."

Haruka only smiled and shrugged her shoulders.

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"And it's really okay that I can take one of those dresses?" Michiru quickly changed into the light dress. It was narrow and almost touched the ground when she walked. The sleeves were wide and the whole cloth was soft and almost transparent. Her body was covered - more or less - but she didn't sweat too much in it.

Michiru shortly looked into the mirror and blinked. The dress shimmered silver when she moved and there were a lot of diamonds on the top. They sparkled in thousands of colours.

I can't take this. It's too valuable.

Again she looked into the large chest but all the other dresses looked even more valuable. So she reached for a wide silk scarf and wrapped it around her shoulders.

The tailor made enough dresses for her, but now they were all dirty and Hotaru split her mash on the last one half an hour ago.

I am so stupid that I forgot to wash them!

"I mean they all look so... so good." Michiru bind her hairs together in her neck, but still some strands fell on her shoulders as she walked over to the door and opened it.

"No. They're all old and unused. If you want them you may have them..."

Haruka turned around and froze in motion. For a long time she stared at the sea princess and the dress that fitted to the slim body as if it was made for her. Memories filled Haruka's mind and she swallowed hard. Memories of a wonderful woman raising a small girl high in the air. Playing with her. Telling her that she loved her with all her heart - no matter how wild she was.

My little tomboy.

Almost she could hear the voice again. A tender voice that never lied to her.

"Shall I take another one? Maybe I can ask Ami or..."

"No. It's fine. It fits and I'll get some servant to wash your other ones." Answered Haruka with a suddenly icy voice and wanted to go. But Michiru was by her side the next moment and grabbed her right arm to hold her back.

"What's wrong, Haruka?" she asked and looked directly into sad shinning green eyes.

"Nothing." Answered the taller woman and wanted to go away but again Michiru hold her determined tight.

"Don't say nothing with that look, Haruka! What's up!"

"It was my mother's favourite dress." Said Haruka after a long while and took a deep breath. Michiru's eyes grew wide, then she let her go and slowly stepped back.

"Then I'll change it. Don't worry, I'll find something, anything in this palace to wear."

"No, you needn't, Michiru. My mother is dead, she don't need them any longer. But you..."

Michiru shook her head determined and bit in her lower lip. Suddenly she looked very hurt.

Did I anything wrong?

Haruka knew the answer when she heard Michiru's next words. Silent words.

"I'll change it. I want you to look at me, Haruka. At me, not at ghosts."

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She stood at the window and looked out at the wide desert. It was already dusk and she waited in impatience. Her parents had a meeting on Saturn and they wanted to be back before the night. And they wanted to get something for her, too. Maybe a new sword? Her old one was rusty and blunt. Or a saddle for Fluffy? The dragon was now old enough for her to ride on it. And she was old enough, too.

"Princess?" she turned around with a huge grin on her face. Ready to run over to her parents. To jump into her father's arms and to ask him thousands of questions about the journey. About Saturn. About princess Rumiko, her best friend. About so many things spinning around in her mind. But she froze in motion as she saw the thin figure instead. There were no parents in the door frame but her doctor stood there. He was more than just a doctor to her parents. He was kind of a minister and the person to talk to when they had problems with the land. The doctor was an old man with knowledge. He loved Uranus and since the king's father's sudden death he raised him like his son. Until he married the young countess of one of Uranus's moons and their daughter Haruka was born.

The last time he was very concerned about the queen. After ten long years she got pregnant again and couldn't await to see Haruka's brother or sister. She was right now in the seventh month and Haruka was very curious. But in that moment she only prayed when she looked into sad shinning eyes.

"Princess Haruka?" asked the doctor and came nearer. She stepped back the same distance and shook her head. The grin broke on her suddenly pale face. "You must be very strong, Haruka. Your parents had an accident on Saturn."

No...

Haruka shook her head in disbelieve and tears blurred her look.

"They are dead, Haruka. They..."

NO!

She sat up on her mattress and looked bewildered in the light of the raising moons. Her green eyes were still wide while she tried to calm down her excited nerves. She ran a shaking hand through her sweaty blonde hairs and took a deep breath. Her whole body trembled and tears burned in her eyes. Tears she didn't want to cry anymore, because they couldn't change the past.

Only a silly nightmare.

It was a long time now that she had this nightmare the last time. It had been replaced almost six months ago after Rumiko's death by another one.

It must have been the old dress...

Haruka groaned and slowly stood up. Her legs felt like pudding and so she stumbled over to her bathroom. She didn't dare to close the door. No one came into her private rooms. Not even the servants or Michiru. She gave the order that no one was allowed to enter her rooms without her permission - even under life danger. The sea princess frowned but accepted her request on the morning after she wake her up.

When she knows the truth all this isn't necessary any more.

Haruka stripped her wide sleeping shirt all men on Uranus wear during the night and looked shortly at her naked reflection in the mirror. She was slim, extremely slim, because she feared that anyone would see her female outlines when she ate more. Only her breasts didn't stop growing. Sad Haruka looked at them. They were small but well formed. It wasn't that she didn't like them. They were fine, but she couldn't risk to let anyone see them. No one should know on Uranus that she was a girl, not a boy. So she had to bandage them every morning - alike how hot it was outside.

Sometimes I wish I could lead a normal life.

Haruka sighed and stepped under the shower. She closed her eyes as the nice cool water run down her body and washed away the sweat and the last fears of a horrible nightmare. A nightmare that had been real just ten years ago.

This bloody hide and seek since over ten years now...

First she had have Jimmy and Rumiko. They were the only one who knew about her true gender. Her best friends and her doctor. But now Jimmy and Rumiko were dead and she didn't dare to talk to Michiru. Her daughter was too small to understand it. Haruka knew that she had to play this game until her daughter was old enough to understand that her father was a girl and who her real father was. Until she was old enough to rule Uranus as the first woman.

Just tell Michiru. She will understand you. She isn't like the other people. She's...

Haruka sighed deeply.

She's too similar to Rumiko.

The tall woman leaned her head against the wall and enjoyed the water falling down on her back.

What shall I do if she hates me afterwards?

Haruka swallowed hard and reached for the shower gel.

What shall I do if she doesn't hate me afterwards?

Slowly she washed her body and left the shower. Energetically she brushed her hairs. But she didn't want to look into the mirror again.

We're getting married in two days...

At that moment Hotaru started to scream. It was a high, angry scream. Not like the screams the small girl normally used to show her parents that she was wet or hungry. This scream was full of anger and fear. And pain...

It didn't stop.

Where the hell is Michiru?

Normally the sea goddess stood up and cared for Himme-chan to let Haruka sleep for some more minutes. She knew that the taller woman was a late riser and so she changed the nappies and fed the small girl before Haruka was able to leave her mattress.

The scream even increased. Then it suddenly turned into a mournful whimper.

Where the hell...

Haruka took the towel and wrapped it around her body. Then she stumbled out of the bathroom and took her sword while she ran towards the still closed door. She imagined an unconscious Michiru laying on the pillows while a killer tried to hurt the small princess.

Maybe those bloody ruler from Saturn try to kidnap her.

"Stop at the moment or I'll kill..." she screamed as she pushed the door open and jumped into the room. She held the sword before her body and was ready to beat anyone down who tried to hurt her daughter or her future wife.

"I'll give it back to you, Himme-chan. But it IS dirty and..." Michiru winced wildly as the door was pushed open and the prince jumped with a battle scream into the room. "Nani?" The sea princess turned around and froze in motion as she looked into a pale face. Into worried eyes. At a wet, almost naked body.

"What's going on?" asked Haruka and lowered her sword. Wet strands of blonde hairs hang into her eyes and she frowned. Her daughter's face was red and tears sparkled on round cheeks. But the small girl didn't cry any longer. With big dark eyes she looked curiously at her father and forgot her favourite toy bunny Michiru was holding in her hands.

"Yesterday she threw it into the mug and I want it to be washed before she wants to chew on it again. So I tried to convince your daughter that I only want to borrow it for a couple of hours. But Himme-chan didn't believe me and thought that she would get anything on this planet just by screaming into my ears." Michiru raised the bunny and smiled satisfied. "I am deaf now, but I won." She turned again to the small girl and kissed on still wet cheeks. "Don't worry , little princess, you'll get it back this afternoon when it's dry and nice clean..."

Michiru frowned and laid the bunny on the soft blanket. Then she turned again to the still hard breathing prince.

"Did you want to kill anyone with that sword or did you want to surprise me with a salad? Fresh prepared?" she joked and slowly came over to the prince.

"Actually I..." Haruka swallowed and tried to hide the huge, sharp sword behind her back. "It is my task to protect you and my daughter against wild monsters and..."

"Wild monsters? A toy bunny?" Michiru smiled and frowned again. There was something wrong with the picture Haruka showed. More than once her brothers ran through the whole palace to pick up something they forgot for their bath. Or for their party in the ocean. They looked different from the prince in front of her. Different around the upper part of the body.

My goddess...

"Hotaru screamed so loud and normally you're able to calm her down and..." Haruka's voice died away and she stepped back. Suddenly she was aware how she stood in the middle of the living-room. Only dressed with a thin towel that seemed to be too short with a sudden.

Before Haruka could react Michiru had grabbed the towel and pulled it away.

"Hey, what do you think you're doing!" shouted Haruka and blushed deeply. She reached for the towel and hold it before her naked body. But it was too late, the sea princess had already seen her breasts.

"You are a girl?" she asked with a quiet, shaky voice.

You are a girl.

It was exactly this silly sentence Haruka didn't want to hear. So she stepped back again and somewhere the sword fell unseen on the soft carpet.

"Guess... seems so..." she whispered and swallowed hard as Michiru's face got pale and the smaller woman turned her head to look at a still babbling Hotaru who actually forgot about her toy bunny. Now she discovered Michiru's veil and it seemed to taste delicious. The baby smiled happily while it chewed with passion.

"Must be quite a shock when you woke up in the morning and discovered that you changed into a woman over night." Michiru shook her head and looked disappointed.

You knew it. She would hate you.

Haruka lowered her head. She wished to turn away and run, but she simply couldn't move. She knew the next hour decided over Uranus' destiny. If princess Michiru would keep silent over her secret. Suddenly Haruka's stomach hurt.

But some day she would have seen it. Somehow. Damn! I am going to marry her in two days!

"Well..." Haruka winced as a warm blanket was pulled around her suddenly freezing body. The wet towel landed somewhere near the sword. She raised her head and looked directly into Michiru's face. The smaller woman stood in front of her and tears shimmered in blue eyes.

Now you made her cry, you baka!

"Why didn't you tell me? I told you so much about my past. About my father, about my brother. Even about my dolphin. We're going to get married in two days, to raise Himme-chan together. To take care of Uranus." Michiru swallowed hard. "Didn't you trust me? Or did you think that it didn't matter?"

Haruka took a deep breath. That sad look was driving her crazy. Just like the realisation that Michiru didn't slap her right into the face.

"What should I've told you, Michiru? You escaped your father almost too late. I had to buy you free! You had a real nightmare behind you. What should I've told you? That I am not that rude as this cruel earl, but that I am freak? That you decided to live in a crazy, not normal family? That you would marry a girl? That you would live your whole life together with a dyke like me? That you'd be part of this bloody hide and seek, too? That you would never have the chance to escape any more after the wedding? That you would be bound for the rest of your life to a crazy, lesbian princess who has to rule over a planet that only allows men to rule and..."

"Lesbian?"

Michiru's eyes grew wide and Haruka cursed herself immediately.

Great! This is the hour of shocking small Michiru. Why don't you tell her all the sins you did in your whole life? Why don't you tell her that you like her? Why don't you tell her that she's very attractive and that you dream of her in lonely nights?

Haruka clenched her fists.

To show her that you're a girl isn't enough for you. You have to tell her EVERYTHING, don't you? And now she's afraid of you. Look, Haruka, she's frightened now. How will she raise Hotaru when she's not sure if you will ever try to hurt her?

"Hai, a pervert." Haruka sighed and felt suddenly very exhausted. She frowned as Michiru carefully took her arm and guided her towards a pillow. She let her sit down and looked directly into dark green eyes.

"I can't see a pervert in you." The sea princess swallowed and looked shortly around in the living room. In a palace room of a the outer planet Uranus. Shortly she observed the glowing deserts outside the window. For a long time she watched a now sleeping Hotaru. Chewing on silk was very exhausting and the baby felt fast asleep. Michiru remembered how Haruka played with the small child. How she took care for it - although it wasn't the ruler's task to raise children.

How he, no, how - she - loves her as if Himme-chan was her real daughter.

Again Michiru looked into sad green eyes. Haruka didn't speak, maybe she simply didn't find the right words.

She told me from the beginning that she can't marry me. She only declared to marry me when my father beat me again - before her eyes. She tried so many times to tell me. That we can't have other children than Hotaru. And I misunderstood her each time.

Suddenly Michiru knew that she was the only person on this huge planet who knew about the prince's real gender.

It must be very hard to play this game.

"You aren't a pervert, Haruka. You're the loneliest person I've ever seen."

She didn't trust me enough to tell me the truth.

Haruka swallowed as she heard the silent words. Then she lowered her head and stared at her fists which hold the ends of the blanket together.

"Do you want to tell me now, Haruka? I'd listen to you." Michiru took a deep breath as she saw how the taller woman hesitated. She went on her knees before the wind princess and carefully touched an icy fist. "Don't worry, I won't run away screaming and tell all people. It would be... it means a lot to me if you'd trust me, Haruka. Remember what I told you when I first saw you? I told you that I searched for a secure life and friendship. You gave me security and you gave me a lot of friendship during the past weeks. I am glad to be here. I love Hotaru and Uranus got my home during the last time. You didn't punish me each time I did wrong things. Each time when I got in danger or misunderstood your words. You're my friend and I am your friend in return. Please, tell me about what's going on here on Uranus."

Haruka took another deep breath and nodded.

"I've always been a little tomboy. I didn't like dresses and my pants were always dirty - just like my face. My mother cut my hairs short because she said I'd look cuter this way. She was a great woman. I was only nine years when I declared that I didn't want to marry. I was too small to know what was wrong with me, but I guess my mother knew it. But she loved me the way I was - her small wild princess. My father loved me, too and I was happy. It was shortly after my tenth birthday when my parents travelled to Saturn to meet the king and the queen there. They wanted to discuss something about peace and so and my parents decided that I should stay at Uranus. I had a little cold and my mother was always very concerned about my health. So I stayed at home and in bed for almost a week. I was a little bit sad, because princess Rumiko from Saturn was my best friend. We visited each other whenever it was possible and talked about the craziest things. She liked my dragons and, well, I had never a sister or a brother and so we declared silently to be sisters. Forever. The best friends..."

Haruka clenched her fists harder until it hurt. She could remember that warm evening too well. They laid in the straw and watched Fluffy eating when Rumiko suddenly said that Haruka was her best friend and that she never wanted to leave her. They promised each other to stay the best friends for the rest of their lives.

You liar! You promised never to leave me - and now you're gone...

"My parents didn't return. My doctor told me that they had a tragic accident on Saturn. They died there. My parents and my unborn sister or brother." Haruka closed her eyes, but still she saw the coffins in the huge church. Saw all the kings and queens walking silently to her and talking about sorrow and sadness. Even the Queen of the Moon talked to her although Haruka didn't believe one single word.

She shouted at her daughter who was only four years old and started terrified to cry during the ceremony.

"My mother was in the seventh month when she died." Haruka's voice was nothing but a whisper. "So I was the last who was left from my family. My father's parents died when he was a child and my mother argued with her parents. They didn't want to help me. Nor did the queen. Nor did Rumiko's parents. I was the last one who could overtake the throne. And I was a girl." The tall woman laughed a shaky voice. "Guess you noticed a long time ago, Michiru, but this is a man's world. Only a man is able to become king some day. It's a written law. And only the king has the power to change those laws. My father didn't change it. My mother was pregnant and they all hoped for a boy." Haruka shook her head. "No one really remembered that I was a princess. I walked around in pants and turban. I was very slim and no one could see any female outlines when I was ten. So I made myself a prince to have the chance to rule Uranus. Once it was only for my people. I didn't want a stranger to get the throne, just because he was once married with my mother's sister's nephew or so. I knew Uranus and I loved my home planet. I only wanted my people to live in peace. But..." Haruka opened her eyes and looked down at her clenched fists, saw the smaller hand laying warm on her own one. "But it all changed when Hotaru was born. I promised Rumiko to take care for her. To raise her like my child. I decided to change that bloody law when I would be finally king the next year. She shall be the first female ruler of Uranus one day. I fought hard for her. Against her grandparents and against the queen who didn't trust me." Haruka raised her head and looked over to the peacefully sleeping girl.

"I love her, Michiru. I would never let happen anything to her. No one should ever hurt her. Neither her grandparents nor the queen. Here on Uranus she's save and secure. I'll change the law for her and when she's old enough she may decide what she wants. If she wants to stay on Uranus and rule over this planet or if she wants to go back to Saturn and be a small but powerful princess there. It's her decision then. A decision I was never be able to make. Nor her mother."

"What will happen if someone ever finds out?" Michiru's voice was very silent but Haruka understood her too well. Often she asked herself this question whenever she was tired of that hide and seek. And every time she got the answer, she knew that it was worth every sacrifice.

"Then Himme-chan has to go to her grandparents who don't love her. She's Sailor Saturn, just like her mother. They hated Rumiko for being a senshi, they would hate Hotaru, too. I would be forced to give up my throne for someone else. Maybe they would force me to marry the new king and I have to admit I am not very keen on being a nice housewife and giving sons to anyone I don't love or even like. Maybe my people would be happy with that guy, maybe they would suffer. I wouldn't survive it seeing them suffer and couldn't help them."

Michiru squeezed the cold fist and nodded slowly.

"And now you've got me as your wife."

"Don't worry, it could be worse. Having a wife like the queen."

"That's a real compliment." Answered Michiru and rose from her kneeling position. She was relieved to see a thin smile on Haruka's pale face. "Don't worry, Haruka. I won't betray you. You saved my life and I have to admit that the last weeks had been the best in my whole life." Carefully she took the sleeping baby in her arms and cradled her gently. "I love her and I don't want her getting hurt, too." Michiru walked back to a still sitting Haruka who wrapped the blanket even tighter around her trembling body.

"Just one last question, who's her real father?"

The tall woman looked with loving green eyes up to the small girl and raised her right arm to touch the round cheeks.

"His name was James the first of some Saturn moon. But we only called him Jimmy. His father was often at the palace and so he got to know Rumiko and me. We played together and for me he was kinda brother. For Rumiko, well, for her he was more. They fell in love but her parents didn't like him. He wasn't noble enough for them. He was only an earl from a poor moon, not a mighty king as they wished for their daughter. First Rumiko tried to convince them, but when she recognized that she was pregnant she ran away with her Jimmy." Gently Haruka caressed over Hotaru's cheeks. The small girl smiled and grabbed for icy fingers to hold them tight. "Jimmy died during that flight. It was an accident, although I am not sure if it wasn't planned by Rumiko's parents. Rumiko almost went insane. She hide herself until she was sure that it was secure to get to Uranus. I took her into my palace and declared her to be my fiancée carrying my child so that she and Himme-chan would be save." Haruka smiled sad at her daughter. "Rumiko had always a weak heart and after Jimmy's death she didn't want to live any longer. She gave birth to Himme-chan and died."

Michiru placed her hand over Haruka and Hotaru's and hold them softly tight.

"I am sorry, Haruka. She must have been a nice woman from what I hear from all the servants and Minako and Ami."

"Hai..."

But you're also a nice person.

Dark green eyes looked for a long time into deep blue ones.

"I know I should've told you sooner that the wedding is unfair for you and..."

"Don't worry, Haruka. I never expected to have an own child one day - now I have Hotaru. I never expected to be married to anyone who would like me - now I have a good friend like you. I never expected to reach my twentieth birthday. I've always thought that someone - my father or my future husband - would beat me to death. Now I can imagine to get an old granny one day."

Haruka's eyes stared at her and they were a shade darker than normal.

"And if you'll ever fall in love with a nice, attractive young man?"

Michiru frowned and squeezed both hands tenderly.

"I learned early enough that all men are pigs."

It sounded like a joke but none of them laughed.

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"Looks like I've won again." There was a big grin on Minako's redden face while she looked down at the glass table and the cards laying in front of her.

"Looks like..." growled Haruka and frowned. It was the third time after another that she lost this evening.

"Strange, normally you're hard to beat." Ami looked shortly up from her book and turned the page.

"Maybe you're only nervous, because just tomorrow and then you'll be married to our beautiful princess Michiru. If I was you I couldn't concentrate, too." Minako's grin grew wider when Haruka blushed deeply.

"It's called wedding day jitters." Declared Minako and made an important face. "Do you want another game?" she offered and mixed the cards.

"No, thanks. I already lost my sandals and my dinner. I don't want to be poor tomorrow."

"Dinner?" Ami's right eyebrow raised as she looked strictly at her younger sister.

"Only his coconut." Declared Ami quickly and smiled innocent. Too innocent for her sister.

"Coconut for dinner? That sounds delicious." Michiru entered the room. Her hair was still wet and she wore a towel around her shoulders. Hotaru laid in her arms and laughed happily. She was wrapped in a towel, too. Haruka used the chance to escape Minako and her cards and went over to her fiancée.

"You took her with you to the lake?" she asked concerned and watched how Michiru helped a yawning Hotaru in her pyjama and then in her cradle.

"Hai. She likes it. You should see her, Haruka. She tries to swim and splashes me with water the whole time. The water's nice warm and you know, I would never let her drown."

"I know..."

"The next time you have to join us, Haruka!" Michiru smiled confident and covered the small body with a soft blanket. Hotaru already hold her now clean bunny tight in her tiny arms. The sea princess leaned over the little girl and kissed her loving good night.

"Maybe..."

Before Michiru could say anything more Minako turned around and showed her cards.

"Do you wanna play with me, Michiru?" she shouted and giggled as her sister rolled her eyes without looking up from her thick book.

"Don't do it, Michiru. I've already lost my coconut." Groaned Haruka next to her. Michiru giggled.

"So you really lost your coconut? My poor Haruka. So you have to watch us all eat it at dinner - and Minako will eat even two coconuts. That will be very hard for you..." she screamed as Haruka tried to catch her and jumped away.

"You won't get me so easily, Haruka. And don't believe that I'll give you anything from my coconut!" Michiru giggled as Haruka chased her through the whole living room. Ami kept reading while Minako watched them for a while. Then she laid her cards on the table and smiled. Because she knew that she would get two coconuts for dinner - a fruit that didn't grow on Mercury and that was very expensive to import.

"And if I won't let you go until I got something?" teased Haruka and ran after Michiru who only raised her skirts a bit and jumped over the pillows. Haruka jumped, too. She was faster than the smaller princess and they both knew it.

"But it's my coconut!" protested Michiru with a smile on her face.

She's so beautiful...

Michiru made an clumsy motion and stumbled over a pillow. She almost fell down but Haruka was by her side the next moment and held her tight.

"Gotcha."

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It was in the middle of the night, but she couldn't sleep. The last four hours she turned from one side of her mattress to the other one, but her mind was still spinning around. She simply couldn't calm her nerves down.

Tomorrow's my wedding day.

Michiru swallowed hard as she walked through her room, but hesitated to open the door. She wanted to talk to Haruka. About the ceremony. Haruka explained it to her, but still the sea princess wasn't sure if she understood it completely. She wanted to talk about the guests and her father. About the adoption of Hotaru. About what would follow. About their lives when they would be married. What would change? What would the people expect? What would the tradition dictate them?

Michiru shook her head and decided to look again after Hotaru. Surely the small girl slept deep and tight in her cradle. She didn't know that tomorrow was an important day. That she would get a new mommy. A mommy who loved her as much as her real one. As her daddy...

Michiru opened the door and froze as she saw the shadow sitting next to the cradle. No candle brightened up the room but Michiru recognized Haruka in the light of a small moon. The taller woman sat simply there and watched the sleeping girl.

What is she doing here? Can't she sleep - just like me?

At that moment Michiru heard the silent sobs.

Is she crying?

The sea princess frowned. She couldn't imagine strong and independent Haruka crying. No matter what happened she faced destiny without hesitation - and kicked into its ass if necessary.

Today it's six months that Rumiko died.

Michiru swallowed hard and entered silently the room. Haruka didn't hear her come. She watched her daughter for another second, then she lowered her head and covered her face with her hands. The sobbing increased although Michiru was sure that Haruka didn't want to wake anyone up.

She doesn't want anyone to see her weak and hurt.

The sea princess sighed deeply. She knew this feeling too well. Being sad and alone. Being misunderstood. Being desperate...

Michiru kneeled down behind the trembling princess and wrapped her arms around her waist. Haruka winced wildly and gasped for breath.

"It's me, Ruka. It's me." Whispered the sea princess and held her tighter.

"Go away." Choked the taller woman. "Go away and leave me in peace."

"And leave you alone with your pain? Never." Michiru leaned her head against shaking shoulders and saw how Haruka wiped quickly away her tears as if she was ashamed of them. "I know how hard it is to lose a person you love. Six months aren't long enough to let this wound heal. I know even a couple of years aren't long enough." Michiru heard another desperate sob and knew that Haruka still fought hard against her tears. A fight she wouldn't win.

It's better to cry and to find comfort than to live with all this pain in silence.

"You loved her, didn't you, Ruka?"

Ruka...

Haruka swallowed hard but the pain increased inside her chest. After Rumiko's death no one called her different than Haruka or prince.

It's a nice nickname. From someone who obviously likes me. Me, the freak...

"Rumiko loved her Jimmy." Answered the taller woman and pressed her icy hands again over her eyes until it hurt. But she couldn't stop her tears from falling.

"She wasn't like you." Whispered Michiru and sighed deeply as Haruka's body trembled even more.

No...

Haruka remembered the day too well. It was spring on Saturn, a cold day with a heavy snowstorm, when she declared Rumiko her love. The small princess had been silent for a long time and finally said that she like her - like a sister. But that she wasn't the one Haruka was looking for. That she couldn't give her love in return. First Haruka had been very hurt until she realized that having Rumiko as smaller sister was very valuable. To have a real friend was sometimes more worth than to have an unhappy love.

One year later she fell in love with Jimmy.

"No, she wasn't... wasn't..."

"She wasn't a lesbian." Whispered Michiru silently behind her and Haruka felt suddenly those tender arms being wrapped around her waist. She raised her head and looked over her shoulder into sparkling blue eyes.

"Come here, Ruka. Let me comfort you. I know how hard it is when you're sad and alone." Michiru smiled tenderly and waited until Haruka turned slowly on the pillow to face her. Tears ran down pale cheeks and they shimmered like silver in the small moon's light.

"Don't feel ashamed, Ruka. I am your friend now."

Haruka nodded. She knew that she could trust those words. Michiru was her friend. The only one who knew about the truth - but didn't push her away.

The taller woman pulled the sea princess on her lap and embraced her as if she was her only life line. She buried her face on a warm shoulder and started desperately to cry. Over a love she lost a long time ago. Over a family she'd never have again. Over a life she wasn't allowed to live.

Michiru only hold her tight and rocked her gently.

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