Chapter Six: Shadows and regrets

-Adora-

"The Shadow Princess?" Adora hears the nervousness in her voice, but try as she might, she can't make it go away.

They had managed to get Catra on her feet and into a chair once she stopped screaming. Glimmer had since left and returned with a glass of water for her, and now all of the others are sitting around Catra, trying to make sure whatever fit has gripped her is well and truly passed. Adora, though, is still caught up on the words she had said.

"Catra, you can't be serious," Adora is pacing as she speaks, workin a small circle into the area rug. "The Shadow Princess? Really?"

The other girls in the room are staring at Adora with confusion on their faces.

"I never got the chance to tell you about this, Catra, but those stories Shadow Weaver always told us about the evil princesses?" Adora is rambling now. She can't stop herself. "You know, the Weeping Princess, the Headless Princess, the Undead Princess? They're all lies! It turns out they were all just made up to make us think the princesses were evil monsters."

Across the room she can hear Mermista grumbling under her breath.

"Wow, those stories sound, like, super discriminatory," the sea princess says as she crosses her arms.

Catra shoots Adora an annoyed look.

"You think I don't know Horde propaganda when I hear it?" Catra speaks in an even, measured tone. "Adora, I know this whole thing sounds crazy. But will you stop freaking out for one second and let me explain?"

Adora stops in the middle of her pacing, realizing that she's standing in the middle of the circle of the other princesses, who are in turn staring at her. She feels her face flush and quickly sits down next to Catra.

"Oh. Right." Adora says. "I'm sorry. Go on."

Catra takes a deep breath, as if to settle herself. Around her, the princesses watch her intently. Adora wants nothing more than to reach over to her, wrap her in a fierce hug and just take her away from all of this. Adora remembers the story of the Shadow Princess from when they were young, and she doesn't like that Catra somehow thinks it could be anything but fiction.

"So, when we were little, back in the Fright Zone, there used to be this legend of the Shadow Princess." Catra starts to speak and her voice is low, uneven. Adora knows that Catra isn't much of a storyteller, and really not one for public speaking. Add into the mix that she remembers Catra absolutely hating it whenever the Shadow Princess was brought up when they were younger and Adora is amazed that she's telling the story at all.

Glimmer tries to interject but Catra holds up a hand. She looks at the queen and Adora can see the pain and fear in her feline eyes.

"Please, Sparkles," Catra says, almost pleadingly. "Let me get through this before you say anything."

Glimmer hesitates for a moment, then nods. Catra breathes deep again.

"I hate scary stories," she continues. "I always have. When we were little, in the Horde, every so often the other cadets in the barracks would stay up late and tell ghost stories. I'd try to hide or cover my ears, anything to avoid having to listen to them. I don't know why they mess me up so much. They just always have."

Adora knows how difficult this must be for Catra, to admit to something she perceives as a weakness to a group of people. It doesn't matter that the princesses support her, she knows Catra hates the thought of people finding out she is so strongly affected by scary stories.

"The worst story, the story I hated the most, was about the Shadow Princess. In the story I remember, the Shadow Princess was one of the first princesses of Etheria, thousands and thousands of years ago. She was vicious, manipulative and cruel. She ruled over a land of darkness and monsters. Her castle was supposed to be infinite and unknowable to anyone but her. They say that anyone who entered uninvited got lost in its halls forever. Of course, they say that even those who had been invited sometimes suffered the same fate."

Adora can see the concern on Glimmer's face as Catra tells her story. There's something she wants to say, obviously.

"So the Shadow Princess was incredibly powerful, more powerful than any princess since," Catra says. "But she didn't have access to an element like you all did. The Shadow Princess was something called an oneiromancer. She could read the future by interpreting dreams."

Adora's mind is working in overdrive. She had mostly forgotten the details of the Shadow Princess legend. She had been terrified of the story as a child, the same as Catra. But over the years as she grew up, Adora had mostly relegated it to the part of her brain that believed scary stories were all just made up nonsense. Other than the stories Shadow Weaver had told about the evil princesses, which Adora had really only stopped believing in during her trip to Alwyn with Glimmer and Bow, she had given up on believing in ghost stories a long time ago. She had forgotten them not long after.

But the story of the Shadow Princess had always been different. Even though she had forgotten some of the details, she still remembered how scared she used to be of the legend.

"For a long time, people from different parts of Etheria, different kingdoms, would travel into the Shadow Princess's lands to ask her to tell them the meaning of their dreams," Catra explains. "They would pay whatever the Shadow Princess asked of them, because they believed her ability to read their dreams would bring their kingdoms to glory. And for the most part, they were right. But the Shadow Princess always made sure to read their dreams in a way that would gain her what she wanted as well. And all she wanted was power."

Adora shifts again. She's getting more uncomfortable the longer the story goes on. She's not liking where she thinks Catra is taking the story, though she still doesn't understand what a made-up story about the Shadow Princess has to do with anything.

"So, the story goes that as the Shadow Princess sought out more and more power, she turned to darker and darker magic. And I mean stuff that made what Shadow Weaver did look like child's play. In return for deciphering dreams, she asked the kingdoms to bring her their oldest books. I think she hoped she would find something ancient and forgotten that would bring her the power she wanted. After all, think of what she could do if she not only read the dreams of the most powerful people on the planet, but was the one who controlled what they were dreaming of in the first place."

Adora found herself nodding in understanding. The Shadow Princess would have been inherently trusted for her ability, but she couldn't lie about the content of the dreams. The way Adora understood it, which is to say almost not at all, each fragment of a dream must have been interpreted the same way. If dreaming of a flying purple sandwich meant that you were feeling guilty about a recent decision, then it would always represent the same thing. She couldn't then tell anyone differently, because they would eventually figure out she was lying to them.

But if she could decide what was dreamed in the first place, she would be able to control everything the people who visited her for her readings ever did. If she wanted a kingdom to attack another, or for a wealthy individual to give her their entire fortune, she would be able to make them have a dream that would be interpreted exactly the way she wanted it to be. It was insidious and terrifying.

"I don't know when she eventually found the book she needed, or where it came from. The story goes that one night the Shadow Princess performed a ritual that would allow her to access what they call the Dreaming, the shared unconsciousness that every living being on the planet taps into when we dream. It's like… the power source of dreams, in a way, I guess. But something went wrong. No one knows what happened. By the next morning the Shadow Princess and her entire kingdom were gone. All that was left was the empty land her kingdom used to occupy."

The temperature in the room has dropped significantly, Adora feels. She glances over at the fireplace. The flames are low, but not out. The effects of the story Catra has told are heavy in the room as the princesses have all bunched together. Catra looks tired and afraid, but she is still speaking.

"Obviously, something happened when she tried to conduct the ritual. The story says that no one ever saw the Shadow Princess again, that she died in whatever cataclysm she caused. But there are other stories about the Shadow Princess. Stories that say she didn't die during her ritual. Instead it… did something to her. Changed her. Instead of gaining the ability to control the Dreaming, she was... trapped inside of it, or turned into a part of it. After that day, the people who used to go to the Shadow Princess to have their dreams read started talking about dreams they had had that they couldn't wake up from. Horrible dreams that seemed as real as their waking life, except for… her. In all of their dreams they said they would see some kind of figure, sometimes it looked human, other times… not. But all of them, all of them remember the eyes. To the last story, the thing's eyes were empty, but still seemed to glow."

Catra's voice catches, and she stops. Adora is still at her side, and she reaches a hand up to touch her cheek, brushing away a strand of hair as she does. Catra looks at her and gives her a small, sad smile. Glimmer is staring at both of them, Adora can tell. After a few minutes, the queen speaks up.

"Catra…" Glimmer hesitates a moment. "Do you remember who first told you that story?"

The question catches Catra off guard. Adora watches the confusion cross her girlfriend's face. She turns to stare into Adora's eyes as if she's looking for the answer. Adora tries to think back to their time as children in the Horde, all of the nights that they had shared scary stories in the dark of the barracks, and finds that she can't remember when she first heard the story either. She shakes her head. Catra turns back to face Glimmer.

"I… I don't know," Catra admits. "It was a long time ago. And like I said, I hate scary stories. I never cared to try and remember anything about them, especially not who told them. What does it matter?"

Glimmer pauses and proceeds carefully.

"Catra, I… we know that story." The Queen says. "We all know the story of the Shadow Princess."

Adora could have anticipated Glimmer saying any number of things in response to Catra's story, but that's not one of them. Catra's look of confusion deepens.

"What do you mean?" Catra asks. "Why would you princesses be telling a Horde story?"

Glimmer is shaking her head as well.

"I don't know. Obviously we didn't know it was a Horde story. But I still don't understand how we all know the exact same story. It's not like there was a lot of cultural exchange between the Rebellion and the Horde."

Neither Adora nor Catra have an answer for that either, and they share a look that's as much confusion as it is concern.

From her spot on the floor Mermista groans.

"What does it matter if everyone knows the story of the Shadow Princess?" She argues. "I don't get what this stupid legend has to do with anything except for-"

"Except for the eyes, right?" Catra interrupts. "Doesn't that weird you out though? Isn't it strange that all of us have had a dream with the same empty eyes in it? That can't be a coincidence."

Glimmer looks puzzled.

"Maybe," she says. "But Catra, Mermista and Scorpia's dreams happened years ago. Mine too. I was just a little girl and it was probably just a nightmare after hearing the story. It's not like we're dreaming of the Shadow Princess every night."

Adora feels her eyes widen. She knows Catra has been having bad dreams lately, and her brain makes the final connection.

"Catra, are you saying-" Adora starts, but Catra cuts her off.

"Yeah, I guess I am."

Catra sighs and looks back at the group.

"I've been… having these bad dreams lately," she says. "They're all from back when Adora and I were cadets in the Horde. They're so real, I don't usually figure out I'm dreaming until Ad- until I'm most of the way through them. And they always, always end with black, void-like eyes in the darkness. And last night…"

Adora sees Catra catch her eye for a split second before she looks away, staring at the fireplace.

"Last night, in the hall… I saw them again. But I wasn't dreaming."

Catra's voice cracks.

"I don't know what's happening but I think… I think something's wrong with me. I think it has something to do with the Shadow Princess."

With that finally said, Catra burrows herself into Adora's arms and weeps.

–Catra–

She hates it, but she can't stop.

She knows the other princesses are staring at her, or purposely not staring at her, as she cries against Adora's chest. But after a week of interrupted sleep and the encounter she had in the hallway the night before, Catra can't keep that emotional barrier up anymore. She's exhausted and terrified, and even if she hates crying in front of the other princesses, there's a part of her that's relieved to finally get this stupid emotion out.

Adora is holding her and stroking her hair, but Catra can see the concern on her face when she pulls back enough to breathe. The whole situation obviously has her girlfriend unsettled. Catra knows that Adora does her best problem solving through use of force, but she can't punch this problem away and make Catra feel better. No one can. Catra just wishes she knew what was happening to her.

After a few more minutes of quiet sobs and awkward silence in the room, Catra feels the last of her tears fall. She's more tired now than she was last night, but at least the tears have stopped. She pulls away from Adora again, trying not to grimace as she sees the wet patch she's left behind on her shirt. Adora doesn't seem to mind though, and wipes away the last of the trail of tears on her face with her thumbs. Catra tries to smile, but she feels like she only manages a trembling of her lips.

Mermista has leaned forward from her place on the floor and is staring at Catra.

"So let me get this straight," she says. "You think because you've been having dreams about a made-up scary princess that she's like, what, following you? Chasing you around the castle? Are you for real?"

Catra feels her ears flatten and her face getting hot. She didn't expect everyone in the room to believe her story, definitely not that she has seen those dark eyes in her waking life, but she's still not ready for someone to call her out like this. Especially not Mermista. She thought they had connected earlier, thought they might be bridging the gap towards actual friendship.

"Yes!" Catra shouts, then falters. "Maybe. I… I don't know. I'm just telling you what I think. But I've seen her in my dreams, and I know I saw those eyes last night."

She's still locking eyes with Mermista, neither one of them willing to look away and give up ground. The sea princess rolls her eyes.

"I don't know. I'm not buying it," Mermista says. "The Shadow Princess is just a story, an old legend. You don't have any proof that anything you're telling us is actually real."

Catra's fur bristles at the insinuation.

"What are you saying?" She's practically hissing. "You had the dreams yourself, you know what I'm talking about!"

Memista's face is flushed now too.

"Yeah, I guess I maybe had a dream, once!" Mermista yells. "When I was like, seven! I don't think some stupid ghost princess is haunting me because of it!"

"So what, are you calling me a liar, fish girl?"

Catra knows she's edging towards a place she doesn't want to be. She can feel the old habits coming back, her anger and frustration towards the princesses just like the way she used to feel when she was actively working to take them all down. She's just told them all one of her most personal secrets, and now Mermista is just throwing it back in her face.

"I don't know, am I?" Mermista rolls her eyes. "I mean, all we can do is take your word for it. What point would the Shadow Princess even have for stalking you, if she ever, like, actually existed? You're not even a princess!"

Catra feels her eyes narrow.

"I don't know why the Shadow Princess would be showing up in my dreams, or in the halls of Bright Moon," she says testily. "I told you that. What, are your ears so full of seaweed that you're having trouble hearing me?"

It's a weak insult, but she's falling farther back into old, hurtful reflexes. She doesn't know the girl as well as the others, she can't press her buttons as efficiently as she always could Adora. So she's just digging at whatever she thinks might hit hard enough to give her a leg up.

The fingers on Mermista's hand are shimmering and Catra can see fine droplets of water dancing around and between them. She feels her own hands flexing open and closed, working the tendons and muscles that help her extend her claws.

Suddenly Adora is standing between both of them, her eyes glowing a soft blue.

"That's enough, both of you." Adora turns to face the sea princess first.

"Mermista, Catra isn't trying to trick you. I was there last night. She was terrified of… something. If she says she's having nightmares about the Shadow Princess, I believe her."

Mermista grumbles to herself, but the drops of water fall to the floor with a soft patter. The golden haired girl then turns to Catra, and the glow slowly fades from her eyes.

"Catra, you have to understand this is a lot for us to take in. I know you've been having bad dreams, but the Shadow Princess is supposed to just be a story… are you sure you saw what you think you saw last night? Is it at all possible you were still dreaming?"

Catra reels as if she's been punched. She feels more stupid tears come to her eyes.

"What the hell?" Catra's voice wavers. "Adora... you're supposed to be on my side. You're supposed to believe me."

Adora grabs her hands and pulls them to her chest.

"Catra, I am on your side. Of course I believe you! I just… I just don't understand what's happening. We need to make sure we know what's going on."

But Catra isn't listening. She sees the princesses watching her, and she's very aware she's tearing up again. She suddenly wants to be anywhere else but in this room, where all of these women are watching her melt down for the second time that night. She pulls her hands out of Adora's grasp.

"Whatever," Catra says bitterly. "You all enjoy the rest of your dumb little sleepover night. I'm done. I'm leaving."

"Catra, no!" Adora pleads, but it's no use.

Catra turns and stalks towards the door, ignoring the protests she hears from Adora, Scorpia, Perfuma, and Glimmer. Out of the corner of her eye she sees Mermista, purposely not looking in her direction. She thinks she sees something like embarrassment on her face, but Catra is too far gone to care now. She reaches the door and throws it open, stalking out into the darkness of the hallway. Behind her the voices of Adora and her friends fade away.

Adora's friends, not yours. Catra's mind tells her.

She knows it's not true, knows she's overreacting a little bit, maybe, but the hurt from being vulnerable with them and having Mermista call her a liar is too raw. She keeps walking.

Eventually she realizes she's been taking corners without really thinking about where she's going, and she stops. The halls are dark, not as bad as they were the night before, but they still give Catra trouble, even with her eyes.

After a few more minutes of aimless wandering, she sits down against one of the walls. She wraps her arms around her knees and just lets the tears flow. Was she wrong to storm out of the room like that? Probably. Was Mermista being a bitch to her on purpose? Almost certainly not. Catra knows that the sea princess was probably feeling the exact same way that she was. They're both scared. There's every chance that no one had given any real thought to these dreams before tonight. Catra doubts any of them would have even realized their dreams had that one horrifying image in common. Catra knows she wouldn't have made the connection herself if it weren't for Entrapta and that weird headache… whatever the hell that was.

She shakes her head in the darkness, letting the last of her tears drop to the floor. Now she feels even worse. Before, when she left the room, she was angry and hurt. Now, sitting alone in the dark halls of Bright Moon, she just feels dumb. How could she go back and face any of them after that outburst? She sighs, pulling her legs tighter to her body. Maybe she'll just go back to her room. They can all have fun without her. She'll only ruin the rest of the night for them.

Catra realizes she can hear footsteps coming down the hallway towards her and she tenses, dark flittery memories of the night before coming to her. She's about to spring up and unsheathe her claws when she hears a voice calling for her.

"Catra? Hey, Catra, are you there?"

It's not a voice she would have expected. It's not Adora or Scorpia, not even Queen Sparkles.

"Y-yeah, I'm over here," she calls back.

A few seconds later, Frosta plops herself down on the floor next to her. She doesn't look at Catra, even as Catra stares at her, trying to figure out if maybe she's seeing things. She extends one finger and gives the young princess's shoulder a prod. Frosta rocks ever so slightly to the side. She turns to give Catra an annoyed look.

"What was that for?"

"Sorry, I just… never mind," Catra shakes her head. "What are you doing here?"

Frosta shrugs and looks away from her again.

"I wanted to make sure you're ok," she says.

There's a momentary, awkward silence before Catra responds.

"But… why?"

Frosta shrugs again.

"Because I wanted to," the young princess says, like it's the most normal thing in the world.

Catra pokes the girl once more.

"WOULD YOU STOP THAT?!"

"Sorry! Sorry."

Catra looks the girl over, from her short hair down to the slippers she's been wearing all night. Her clothing is still all blues and whites, evoking the icebound land she comes from, but she's definitely dressed for comfort tonight. Catra finds herself wishing she had a pair of slippers like the Frosta's.

"I didn't think you liked me." Catra says.

Frosta tilts her head as if thinking.

"I don't not like you," Frosta says after a moment. "But that doesn't mean I don't want you to be ok. You're not our enemy anymore. I know it's taken some of us a long time to get used to that."

Frosta looks at Catra again, and even in the darkness, Catra can see her face is reddening.

"Can I tell you a secret?" Frosta won't make eye contact, not really. "You have to promise you won't tell anyone else."

Catra is taken aback. It's been a long time since anyone other than Adora has confided in her like this.

"Yeah, of course."

Frosta seems to be weighing out Catra's words, seeing if she can indeed be trusted. Eventually, she nods to herself.

"I really respect the way you put yourself out there like that tonight," Frosta says. "About being scared. I know how much you want everyone to think you're tough."

Catra smiles in the darkness.

"Hey, I am tough!"

Frosta nods again.

"I know," she says plainly. "I wish I could be tough like that."

She curls into herself, mirroring the way Catra is sitting next to her.

"I hate scary stories like that too," Frots says. "I like the ones that are really over the top and silly, with crazy killers and dumb teenagers. I could listen to stories like that all day! Back in my Kingdom, I have the whole series of the 'Nightmare in Elm Kingdom' books, they're so good! They're dumb and kind of funny. But they're not scary like the stories you and Mermista and Scorpia told tonight. I can't listen to those."

Frosta looks at Catra again.

"How do you deal with scary stories like that?" she asks the older girl. "How did you deal with it in the Horde when everyone would tell them?"

Catra shrugs.

"I didn't really," Catra admits. "I was scared every time the other cadets told those stories. I tried not to listen, or just ignore them, but usually I would just wind up sneaking over to Adora and sleeping next to her. She always helped me be less afraid."

Frosta lets herself unwind in the darkness, and before Catra can react, she slides closer to the older girl and leans against her. Catra smiles, happy to let the gap between them close.

"You're really lucky to have someone like Adora." Frosta says. Catra can't see her from where she's sitting, but it sounds to her like Frosta is smiling.

"Yeah, I really am." Catra says, feeling herself smile too.

She feels the guilt of snapping at her girlfriend rise back to the surface. She had acted like a total idiot. Of course Adora believed what she was saying. Of course Adora was on her side.

"We're all on the same side." Catra whispers to herself.

"Uhh… yeah?" Frosta says. "Are you just figuring that out now?"

Catra shakes her head and reaches one hand out before pausing. Her hand trembles in the air as Catra tries to decide if what she's doing is ok. Finally, she makes up her mind and takes the plunge, dropping her hand to ruffle the young princess's hair in what she hopes is a friendly way.

"Nah, just talking to myself." Catra says. "C'mon, squirt, let's head back to the party. We can't keep them waiting on the two coolest people there."

"As long as we agree that I am way cooler than you are." Frosta says.

Catra can hear the cheer in Frosta's voice, and the two girls get back to their feet and start back down the hallways they came from. After a few feet, Frosta stops.

"Hey Catra?" Frosta pauses. "I just wanted to tell you… I believe you, about the Shadow Princess stuff."

Then she wraps her short arms around Catra's waist, pulling the taller girl in for a quick hug.

"Thanks, Frosta."

The pair continue walking back to the rest of their friends. Catra hadn't realized how far she had gone. The two of them seem to be taking way longer to walk back than she had when she left. The halls in Bright Moon are so annoying. At the point where Catra figures they're most of the way back, they turn a corner and she's surprised to see Entrapta in the hallway, facing away from them. She's about to say something to the tech princess before she hears whispering coming from the ponytailed princess.

Probably just recording more notes for herself, Catra thinks, and they quietly pass her by.

She'll be back before too long.

As they approach the room the other princesses are in, they can see light beginning to grow in the darkness of the hall. The fire must have been built back up, without Glimmer's magic, at least for the time being. Catra hesitates in the doorway, listening to the low conversations coming from the room. She looks at Frosta, who gives her an encouraging nod. Catra breathes deep and then crosses the threshold.

Inside, the girls are all standing around the seat where Catra had been sitting before she stormed out. It looks like they've been discussing something at length, their faces showing a mixture of worry and frustration, but before Catra can make anything distinct out of the conversation, Scorpia notices the two of them entering the room. The tall princess's face brightens, causing the others to look in their direction. When Adora meets Catra's eyes, her blue eyes brim with tears and she rushes over.

"Catra, I'm so sorry, please, I didn't mean to-"

But Catra cuts her off with a tight hug, shaking her head as she holds the blonde girl close.

"Adora, no," Catra says. "I'm sorry. You didn't do anything wrong, I was just… a bit too wound up. I never should have snapped at you like that. Can you forgive me?"

Adora pulls back and smiles at her. Catra loves that smile.

"Of course." The blonde says.

The rest of the princesses have wandered over to Catra, Adora and Frosta. Mermista clears her throat and shuffles awkwardly where she's standing.

"Hey, Catra." Mermista is almost mumbling. "Uhh… so, listen, what I said… that was all definitely not cool of me, and I'm, like, super sorry. I was freaked out by the stuff you were telling us. But I was way out of line."

Catra disengages herself from Adora and walks over to the tall blue-haired princess.

"I'm sorry, too." Catra says. "I'm just as scared about all of it as you were, and I took it out on you. That wasn't ok."

Catra extends a hand.

"Are we good?"

Mermista hesitates for a second, then smiles, grasping Catra's hand in her own firm grip.

"Yeah, we're good."

They both smile at each other, then the lingering awkwardness of the situation hits them and they start to laugh.

Any tension left in the room is broken at the sound of their laughter, and the party vibes of earlier in the evening return. Glimmer slides over to Catra and Mermista.

"Sooo," the Queen eyes them both. "Are we ready to keep the scary train going?"

Catra laughs and nods.

"Ok fine," Catra says. "But no more stories of anything that could be even remotely true!"

Mermista punches her lightly on the upper arm, grinning at her.

"Uhh, says the one who told the scariest story of the night?"

They both laugh again and return to the circle. Catra shifts to lean against Adora and notices she hasn't sat back down yet. She watches as her blonde haired hero crosses to the door and begins to close it.

"Hey, Adora," Catra calls to her. "You should probably wait for Entrapta to get back before you lock her out."

Adora pauses and turns to Catra.

"What do you mean?" The blonde looks puzzled.

Catra frowns, confused. The smile slowly slips from her face.

"I mean, don't close the door until Entrapta is back in here with us, dummy," Catra says. "I saw her, she was out in the hallway making notes."

"What? No I wasn't."

Catra feels a violent shiver run through her body as Entrapta rises from behind one of the bigger chairs near the fireplace.

"I've been over here making notes," Entrapta points at the chair with one long ponytail. "Your fight with Mermista made for some fascinating social interactions I just had to record for my data. I've been inside the room the entire time."

Catra feels panic start to build in her chest again.

From beyond the door, deep in the darkness of the hallway, something starts to laugh in a voice it should not have.

A/N: Yeah, I'm sure it's nothing to worry about.

Probably.

Until next time...