CHAPTER SIX: HOW TO BE
A MATCHMAKER
(My
Ode to Women all over the world (because every day is Women's day!)
14th
September, Wednesday
Gryffindor
Girls' Dormitory
Current
Activity: Shredding Hestia's Quilt
Word
of the day: Gymnastics ( a strange kind of dance)
In which Puck gets into action
This morning I'd refused to go with Lily on her morning walk, as a consequence of which I slept in late, and woke up, not to the melodious sound of Lily's yawn, but to the din of the seventh year Gryffindor girls. It gave me a pounding headache, and I was getting really pissed off. Understandably, I took out my anger on Hestia's quilt.
Hestia Jones was standing upside down, so that her feet were beckoning to the universe—a very common sight. This was one of Hestia's morning gymnastics, so never fear. The gramophone record of some unearthly horrendous music was playing upto its loudest volume, and to make matters worse, Jane Stebbins was singing along with it in her shrill and equally horrendous voice.
Someone put those poor girls out of their misery, please.
As for Emmeline and Lily, they were seated at the other corner of the room, and discussing something very important and very useless.
"You should think of going out again, Lily", said Emmeline suddenly, while massaging her fingers with some foul-smelling moisturizer.
Lily gave her a defiant shut-up glance, but for the first time I wanted to agree with Emmeline.
"Come off it, Lily!" cried Emmeline loudly over the music. "How long are you going to mope? Elphias will keep pestering you to get back with him, till you find another boyfriend; I know from experience."
It was lucky that Emmeline couldn't hear my snort, or she'd have probably flung her slipper at me.
"I'm not good at relationships, Emmeline," said Lily, looking dejected. "I've already had three serious boyfriends, and plenty of trivial dates, but none of them have ever materialized. Adam Bede went cheating on me, Gilbert Stone found me far too dull, and Elphias thought I was unfaithful. I'm quite disillusioned with boys right now. Maybe its me, maybe I'm not fit for romance."
"Nonsense!" said Emmeline, waving a hand at Lily. "You just haven't found Mr. Right, that's all."
"I'm starting to think he doesn't exist for me," said Lily, squirming.
"I know a boy who'd be willing to give up his life for you, if you but asked for it," said Emmeline. "He would –"
I'd edged closer at this piece of information, but suddenly Lily stood up with such a shout of anger that I nearly fell down from my crib.
"Give it up, Emm!" shouted Lily, her green eyes fiercely dilated. " I said I don't want to go dating anymore, and that's final. I don't understand why a girl can't live without a boyfriend! I don't understand why a girl's friends refuse to leave her alone, until she has some date by her side. Is a girl only meant for make-up and boys? Can't a girl have any other priorities in life? Can't she be happy without a boyfriend? Why are you all after me to get one, then? I'm so sick of boys right now, I don't want another mistake in my life!"
And with that little tirade, Lily raced out of the dormitory, her ponytail bobbing behind her.
HUNDREDS OF HEAVING HIPPOGRIFFS!
When I had made it my mission to play Matchmaker for Lily, I hadn't known Lily was so sick of boys. Wasn't it but two days ago that she was telling Dorcas that she'd like to be loved as well? It seems even Lily can lie at times.
Well, if that's going to be her outlook in life, its not going to be easy, going groom-hunting. It may have been so in the past, when muggles like Elizabeth Bennet (Lily's favourite fictional character, Merlin-knows-why), Anna Karenina, Priscilla Adams and Isabel Bentley went prancing around in high heels and frilly corsettes, looking pretty and useless.
Nowadays girls would like to be called 'independent', thank you very much. They don't need a man to run their household, they don't like to be mollycoddled, and they definitely don't like to be called the "weaker sex".
Sigh.
It would have been so much easier if their sole purpose in life had remained marriage.
For men, that is.
And for me.
But then, you can't blame for her for being disgusted with boys right now. She's having a real bad patch in her life right now – parents dead, her sister hating her, her grandfather off saving crocodiles in Brazil, her continuous string of bad break-ups…
I must hurry up in this mission of mine; it seems I'm all words and no action. Buck up, Puck. It's high time you stopped yawning and wrote to your Godmother Hoopoe for advice.
I must be careful about what I write to Godmother; she may not like my kind schemes for Lily. Just use the right amount of flattery, and butter her up --
"Are you going to stop shredding my quilt or not?" shouted Hestia, hopping about on one leg.
Oops! Caught red-handed.
Puck's letter to
his Godmother
10 a.m. 14th September
From:
Basil
Tristan Merlique
Lily's Study table
Gryffindor
Common Room
Hogwarts
To:
Senora
Sassicata Condescata
Vampireville,
Spooky Hill
Transylvania
Respected Godmother Hoopoe
I hope this letter finds you in the best of health and spirits. My own, I cannot vouch for, as I'm having a terrible stroke of Dandruff and headache. However, I believe I've shirked my duty of writing to you long enough, and so my illness is hardly an excuse.
Godmother Hoopoe, I've always had such a great respect for your opinion and your sense of justice. Your virtues are like the sun that shines above me. You are the embodiment of all that is good in this dreary world. You are my matron, my matriarch, and my alma mater. Your beauty is like the Venus, the evening star.
No wonder my Uncle Gamocana Candescana loved you so dearly.
I wonder, though. What was it about you that attracted him the most? Was it your pretty smile, or your lovely habits? Did he ever compliment you? Did he compliment you enough to satisfy you? How did you know that he was The Only One for you?
People say that Uncle Gamocana Candescana never once wavered in his love for you. And we all know, how men are never 100 faithful. Pray tell Godmother, how did you manage such a stupendous feat so effortlessly?
Why you had him completely bamboozled! Absolutely debauched! Totally intoxicated! And your spell lasted till he breathed his last! Thou are a temptress, indeed, Godmother!
It's not easy being a spinster, and it's so lonely. Besides, whom will I have for company when Lily gets married? I've always wished for a lovely little soul mate, who would massage my tiny feet and cook me tasty marshmallow dishes. Someone who'd stroke my feelers, and call me cinnamon-dope…And so, I've decided to settle down.
Come then, Godmother. Tell us, lesser mortals that we are, some of your invaluable tips. Tell me your "Superhit Formulae of Love and Lust", those that you often talk about. I've decided to give up my Bachelorhood for good.
Your fervent worshipper
Basil
Letter from Puck's Godmother Hoopoe
3 p.m. 15th September, Thursday
This heavy packet just arrived at the claws of Frolka the Falcon. And while he's eyeing my wings with his greedy dark eyes, I'm trying to open the packet hurriedly.
Out came a manual titled "Be a Matchmaker".
Be a Matchmaker? Drat it! How the devil did the old hag know?
Oh, wait. There's a reply too.
My
Crafty Conniving Godson
Don't bother flattering me next time. Just read
the manual carefully, and find a good boy for sweet Lily.
Personally,
I think you're a bit too old for marriage.
S.S.
Honestly! Does she practise Divination or something? How does she know everything all the bloody time?
It's really annoying; she's such an insufferable know-it-all. I must look like a complete fool right now….
On the other hand…They have books for this kind of thing? I'm impressed.
OUCH!
That stupid falcon just poked my butt!
15th
September, Thursday
Passage
behind Tapestry of Bojo the Barmy
Current
Activity: Reading Page One of "Be a Matchmaker"
Word
of the day: Incunabula (rare book, like the one in my hands)
DO YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO BE A MATCHMAKER?
My dear Readers,
Matchmaking is an art which few can attempt. It is not for the idle, but for the idle with brains.
The great traveler Nero writes in his memoirs how Gigolo the Grumpy (winner of the 1714 UGLIEST HAG AWARD) managed to seduce the haughty Veela Princess Nikita, all thanks to the matchmaking skills of his sly butler. Gigolo -- who hadn't a penny to his name, nor a single smile on his face -- ensnared Nikita so well that he went on to foster twenty-four thousand children with her.
Countless of dating and marriage bureaus have been set up, but do they truly understand the mechanism of mating relations? Can they really boast of an eternal, everlasting match? I ask you, what do they do, except introduce the two members, or provide an escort?
Matchmaking goes deeper than that. The trick is not to snag a worthy suitor, but to keep him snagged forever.
Now, if you'll just turn the page, you'll find a step-by-step instruction guide to matchmaking.
So, what are you waiting for?
If
you're matchmaking for hags, turn to page 2.
If
you're matchmaking for mermaids, turn to page 3.
If
you're matchmaking for goblins, turn to page 4.
If
you're matchmaking for elves, turn to page 5.
If you're matchmaking for
witches, turn to page 6.
If you're matchmaking for giants,
sorry.
IF YOU WANT TO BE A CUPID, YOU MUST DO RESEARCH!
For every job that must be done, it is necessary to do the optimum level of research-work. This is important for you to understand the complex nature of human relations, and understanding the desires of both parties. Only a true understanding of these factors holds the true key to an eternal match.
Topic 1 for Research
Have
you ever wondered why girls love reading those mushy romance novels? And
they seem to get a great deal of pleasure out of it too, because the
publishing houses spend a good 76 percent of their revenue on such books.Have
you ever read such a book? They would be a good way to understanding
a girl's heart.
Topic 2 for Research
Magazines
like GlamHags, Veritax, Wizwitch and Amoura
are popular among witches of all ages. In fact, witches follow
them almost blindly. For
instance, a report in Amoura saying that wizards liked to be
stroked all over with dragon hide upped the sales of dragon-products
by 36 percent.
Those
magazines are the doorways to the mind of the witch. You need a
proper reading of the latest ones.
So,
here's what you need to do.
Read
the top 5 romance bestsellers of last month, and the annual issues of
the mentioned magazines.
Then,
record your observations, and match them with ours. Our observations
are recorded on the last page of the manual, but be sure not to
sneak. Work out your own. This is all part of your training.
Last Page of the Manual "Be a Matchmaker"
YOU SNEAKED!
Get to work immediately now.
16th
September, Friday
The
Hogwarts Library
Current
Activity: Scribbling and Making Notes
Word
of the Day: Plagiarism ( stealing from several different authors
a.k.a research)
Yes, I'm going to follow the manual step-by-step, my Godmother is never wrong about these kinds of things. Who knows she probably used it too?
So here I am, perusing women's magazines and making notes.
Alright,
so I won't get to rest in Lily's pocket while she attends her
classes, I won't be able to tease Mrs. Norris, I won't be able to
smash ink pots on James Potter's head…. But I'm not
complaining.
Its all for a noble cause.
Puck's Recordings from the Magazines
What I read in the Wizwitch
Annual Issue:
10
Different Recipes to cook for an angry husband.
How
to apply for the job of a Cursebreaker.
How
to get rid of a troublesome garden Gnome.
What
I've learnt from it:
Angry
husbands should be given cooking-lessons.
Cursebreakers
are homebreakers.
You
should never date a Gnome.
What I read in the Amoura
Annual Issue:
The
men in the life of the famous actress Sheila Gladstone
20
different ways to receive a Lovebite
Corny
Pick-up Lines that women love
What
I've learnt from it:
Sheila
changes men like clothes.
A
vampire can give you fifty more types of Lovebites. (Is that why
vampires are called Forbidden Love?)
Women
dislike terms like "Babe", "Hottie" and "Wildpot". Any
other kind of compliment will do just fine.
What I read in the Veritax
Annual Issue:
Is your boyfriend 100 percent faithful to
you?
Is flirting evil?
Ingredients of Firewhiskey revealed
What
I've learnt from it:
A
faithful boyfriend should praise his girl's looks, and abuse every
other girl's looks.
A
girl may flirt all she likes, but never in front of her boyfriend.
Now
I know why Firewhiskey is banned at Hogwarts! (It contains saliva of
a newt.)
What I read in the GlamHags
Annual Issue:
Sixty
kinds of plum shades in sixty kinds of lipstick brands.
Latest
dressrobe designs by Madam Vogue
Biography
of Mira Heathsville who is famous for her fish-lips.
What
I've learnt from it:
A
girl should do so much make-up that she feels like a wax-statue.
Revealing
clothes are eye candy for every boy.
A
girl should pout a lot. It signifies that her lips are very kissable.
List of Top 5 Romance bestsellers of August.( from Evening Prophet Clip)
1) Confessions
of a Coquette by Erudice Updike
2) Naked
Love by Armand Levine
3) The
Pirates of Timbuktoo by Colin Peverell
4) Oscar
& Twixer by Bella Candella
5) Madeleine's
Fantasies by Madeleine Marchessa
Now where am I going to find these bodice-ripper novels? I'm sure Madam Pince will commit suicide before allowing them entry into the Hogwarts Library.
16th
September, Friday
Gryffindor
Girls' Dormitory
Current
Activity: Examining Emmeline's Closet
Word
of the day: Scum (rubbish Emmeline's brain)
In which Puck discovers the wonder of bodice-ripper novels.
I would have thought that tartness and vanity were enough faults to have, but Emmeline the Vain always makes it a point to prove me wrong.
Apparently, the girl was in some sort of hurry (to snog a boy, undoubtedly), and she had left her closet upon. And so, with all the curiosity of a pixie, I peeped into it.
As I had expected, the upper shelf was a mound of cosmetics. Eye shadow, eyecurler, eyeliner, eye cleanser, and false eye lashes…Lipsticks, lip-gloss, lip gels, lip inks, lip lacquers, lip colours…ahem…Even fruit-flavoured ones!
Chomp.
Chomp.
Meh!
They taste awful, but then I suppose, you never eat them, only
apply them.
That's got to be a thousand shoes in there. One for every date she's gone on? Or one for every boy she's dumped? Or one for every dress she owns? Whatever. From now onwards, whenever she displeases me, I'm going to leave my do-do in her shoes. That will teach her!
OODLES OF OOZING ONIONS!
What's that I see there?
BOOKS!
Books in Emmeline the Vain's Closet? Has hell frozen over? Where are the flying pigs? Is Sir Cadogan in love with McGonagall? Has James Potter died?
Who would have thought that Emmeline could be fond of reading? And lots of books, too? Hmm…Lets see what subjects interest her the most….
I really don't mind books of adventure or mystery or politics…I suppose even Arithmancy is fine. Lily loves such books, especially those on Charmology and Potion-making. But then, Lily likes all kinds of books. She even likes to smell the pages (of the new ones only!) and imagine they come from the bark of pine trees.
Mental, isn't Lily? Mental, but lovable.
I turned to the book in my hands, and my eyes nearly popped out.
On the cover was a picture of a scantily clad woman with long dark hair, holding out an apple to the man (equally un-clad) at her feet. The cover wouldn't have been too bad if the woman hadn't that dagger in her other hand…As for the title of the book, it couldn't have been more explicit. Naked love by Armand Levine, it said.
So, I'd finally found my source of bodice-ripper novels. Why hadn't I thought of looking here before?
"What are you doing there, Puck?" came Lily's voice, clear like a bell. "Are you trying out Emmeline's perfumes, again?"
I think she might have seen the look of jubilation on my face, which I unsuccessfully tried to mask with an angelic look, for she immediately rushed forward and snatched the book from my hands.
She stared gobsmacked at the book, and then looked at me with wide eyes. For some strange reason, I saw her lip twitching, and then….she suddenly burst out laughing!
"You…you!" she gasped between her gales of laughter. "Oh, Puck! You crack me up! Puck, Puck, Puck! Were you reading this book?"
WHAT? 'x#&#X!'
"Oh, Puck!" she continued laughing at me. "When did you turn into such a pervert? Oh, my goodness! My little baby's grown up! He likes reading romance! Oh, wait till Emmeline sees this!"
Grown up? Me? I was probably bigger than her by a whole millennium. Her little baby!
I couldn't take it anymore. I grabbed the book from her hands, and threw it promptly out of the window. And to make Lily shut up, I even threw one of Emmeline's shoes at her!
But she only continued laughing; laughing like it was for the last time on earth.
"Oh, Puck!
It was high time I threw the alarm-clock at her. OK. Let me second it with the bottle of talcum powder.
Unfortunately, she dodged them both. "Puck!" she admonished me gently. "I'm not mocking you, don't be angry. There's no harm in reading these books, its only natural you should be curious how the heart works. Everyone goes through this phase. We all want love, don't we? And besides, its high time you found a lovely mate for yourself."
And then she started laughing again.
Gah! I don't recall her ever reading such books. What does she mean by "everyone goes through this phase"? Huh?
"I can't wait to host your wedding," she said, giggling madly. "You'd look lovely in a tuxedo!"
Hmph.
Try
telling that to my Godmother Hoopoe.
16th
September, Friday
The Hogwarts Kitchen Larder
Current
Activity: Scribbling & Making Notes again
Word
of the Day: X (Readable), XX ( Forgettable), XXX (Avoidable)
So here I am, up in the official larder of the Hogwarts Kitchen, with special permission from the House-elves, and a stack of books borrowed from Emmeline The Vain's closet.
The larder is always a good place to repose, because its peaceful and has a ready supply of marshmallows and chocolate cake.
And I also have a king-sized bottle of lemonade by my side, with a long straw and lots of marmalade-flakes.
Oh yeah. I'm having a whale of a time.
Lily's busy with her Charms Club sessions, so I'm not so worried about her right now. Otherwise…well, we all know it's a full time job looking after her.
Book Number 1
Name:
Confessions of a Coquette
Author:
Erudice Updike
Book
summary:
About a girl who flirts atrociously
with every man to move up in her life, only to die as a rich, but
crusty, dissatisfied old maid.
Excerpts:
The man across the street was
staring at me quite shamelessly. He was old, bald and had a massive
paunch. But he was standing beside a huge, stylish limousine. So I
did what any other girl would have done. I winked and blew a kiss at
him.
He turned out to be the chauffeur.
Maybe if I told him that I really liked his tie, would he buy a similar one for my father?
Honestly, the way his wife is eyeing us…She looks like a dragon, no wonder Mr. Gavarochi has nightmares about her.
"Charles," I purred, "you
know what's the only thing in the whole world that can match your
sparkling white teeth? A set of diamond jewellery for me."
My
observations:
#1) My Lily must never die an old
maid. I want to match-make for her green-eyed grandchildren too, you
know.
#2) I hope this story is not meant
for me, as I don't flirt.
#3) Flirting is a must for every
girl, up to some slight degree at least.
#4) Witches like diamond jewellery,
while wizards like ties.
#5) Appearances can be very
deceptive. A man is never who you think he is.
Rating:
XXX
Book Number 2
Name:
The Pirates of Timbuktoo
Author:
Colin Peverell
Book
summary:
About a pirate who falls in love
with the girl he kidnaps (for which he is disowned by his Chieftain)
and then starts a canary farm for shooting practice.
Excerpts:
Black-hearted
Dick dragged the fair maiden by the wrist to the captain's cave. A
bottle of firewhiskey stood at the Captain's right hand and he
slipped a mask over his eyes immediately. The captain smiled a
sinister sign, twirling his long black moustache.
"Unhand
the maiden, dog," he said.
Then
he swept her a stately bow.
"Fair
maid," he said, "unless thy father bring me sixty thousand
galleons tonight, thy doom is sealed. Thou shalt swing from yon lone
pine-tree!"
The
maiden gave a piercing scream. Then she looked closely at the masked
face.
"Who-who
art thou?" she faltered.
Again
the captain's smile faltered beneath the mask.
"Rudolph of the Red Hand," he
said.
At
these terrible words the maiden swooned into the arms of
Black-hearted Dick.
My
observations:
#1)
Kidnapping seems an easy and wholly delightful way of earning money.
#2)
A girl should always be a damsel in distress, waiting for her
knight-in-shining-armour. Otherwise, the knight will feel insulted.
#3) Colin Peverell is a nincompoop
who should know that pirates don't exist in Timbuktoo because it is
a mainland, not a sea.
Rating:
X
Book Number 3
Name:
Oscar & Twixer
Author:
Bella Candella
Book
summary:
About a man called Oscar who falls
in love with a slag called Twixer who has been married and divorced a
total of 15 times.
Excerpts:
With a swing of his mighty arms, Oscar lifted her
right off her feet, crushing her to his chest. With a deep sigh, she
yielded her lips to him in such a kiss as he had never dreamed of—
So
ravishing was her beauty, the intoxication of her was so great, that
strong wizards went down before her like ninepins and deflated
Quaffles, helpless with love.
My
observations:
I
picked up the book again and read the description of the proud Twixer
McDuff (she who had yielded her lips).
Somehow,
I couldn't picture the voluptuous Twixer, with her red lips and her
swaying form, tamely sewing on buttons, say, for the horny Oscar. It
just didn't seem possible to think of her as a tame housewife
feeding hens and baking cookies. And
yet, the author says that Oscar & Twixer went on to have a long
life of domestic felicity!
Get
a grip, Candella.
Rating:
XX
Book Number 4
Name:
Madeleine's Fantasies
Author:
Madeleine Marchessa
Book
summary:
About the fantasies of a bored rich
girl for torturing her tutor, her boss, her boyfriend, her best
friend, her fiancé and her husband – all for the sole reason
that they were men and they took her for granted.
Excerpts:
She threw him against the wall,
hard. Then she stuck him with a whip, hard. Then she struck him
again, harder this time. So he responded by kissing her. Hard.
She had poured paint all over his best Sunday suit and she had donated his broomstick-collection to the Construction Committee. But the stupid bloke just wouldn't accept his mistakes and apologize!
How dare Sam tell her that she
"looked pretty today"? Didn't she ALWAYS look pretty? Men!
My
observations:
I should have thought that reading
Madeleine's novel would have been torture enough for all six
men in her life. Pity she decided to use her whip and her wand.
This book should have been named
Madeleine's Malady, not Madeleine's Fantasies. This
woman has major issues; she can't even accept she needs a shrink!
And this entire hullabaloo just
because she suffers from Kappakappa syndrome i.e. a desire to
quarrel!
Rating:
XXX
Book Number
Name:
Naked Love
Author:
Armand Levine
Book
summary:
About
a man who falls in love with a dark wizard's wife, and is strangled
56 times by her pet python (though the cover shows a dagger).
Excerpts:
Desire
had him firmly in its grasp. With frenzied fingers he tore off the
fragile chiffon of her dress and forced her down on the shoe-stand.
"So what if I couldn't kill him today, I'll kill him tomorrow again."
He
weighed about forty-six tons, had red eyes and looked extremely
regal.
My
observations:
#1)
Number of times the word "passionate" has been used is 122
#2)
Never take a python for a walk.
#3)
Never fall in love with a dark wizard's wife.
#4) Try again and again until you
succeed.
Rating:
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Where's the paperbag, quick! I feel nauseous to the core. I hope Lily won't mind if I vomit into her lovely handkerchief.
I've just completed the fifth book, and believe me, I feel like Hercules right now. To think I've been burning midnight oil for this kind of stuff, when I could be doing so many better things. Like crashing armours in the corridors. Or pouring earwax over Mrs. Norris.
All bosh, this sort of stuff. And a fat lot of help all these observations are. If this is the true nature of a woman's mind……Oh Merlin, I can't even think about it…..
Some of the pictures in those magazines, they're making me belch even now. Maybe I'm conservative, maybe I'm old-fashioned; but don't they say that "old is gold"?
I'm infinitely glad that Lily rarely buys such magazines; I can't imagine her pouting and flirting and owning pet pythons. Lily has far too much common sense to do that.
What do these authors think of the witching kind? That they have hay in their heads, and hot air in their hearts? That they melt at the very mention of passion and chocolate? That women read any kind of rubbish that comes their way?
I have nothing against romance, why I'm the master of it. Females flock to me like moths to a flame, or like bees to a Summoning Charm. All I'm saying is that what the modern witches need is a good sensible reality-based love-story. Not a book which is a wastage of paper and time. And good ole lemonade.
Once this matchmaking business is over, I'm going to try my hand at writing. And I bet I can topple J. K. Rowling's records in a single day!
16th
September, Friday
Under Lily's Bed
Current
Activity: Matching my Observations with those in the manual
Word
of the Day: Contrite (ashamed, as I am of observations)
It seems I don't have the makings of a matchmaker within me. Because somehow, all my observations seem to be completely different from those in the manual "Be a Matchmaker".
Here, take a look at PAGE EIGHT OF "BE A MATCHMAKER"
By now, you must have completed your tasks and recorded your observations.
Professor Elektra, the famous psychoanalyst, has helped us compile the following inferences for a proper understanding of what women want.
"Women do not seek entertainment from romance novels, but only the "idea" of love. It is because love is like a delicate, delicate rose which all witches desire to smell. The purpose behind reading such books is to feed women's belief in love and matrimony, and the wonder of men in general.
Men nowadays believe that showing love is a weakness. They have the false impression that only wimps and ninnies are foolish enough to express their love in words. That is why they take their women for granted, trusting that their wives and girlfriends can read their hearts without help from them.
Men must be told that love is a delicate, delicate thread which must not be broken. They must be taught how to cherish their partners.
A real man loves his wife, and shows his love for her in a thousand different ways each day.
The purpose of all make-up, flirting and wearing lovely dresses stems for our desire of others' appreciation. It is the law of all nature. Women love to be praised, for in truth, they are praised too little. From household chores, to managing children and performing office-work, women do it all….and in return, what do they get? Not even a thank-you. Years and years of starvation for respect and love has made them quite desperate, you know.
A woman's love is like a delicate, delicate cloud that dreams of the skies and waters the earth. We must look up to it, for it is what makes life worth living.
It is time we gave our women a chance to rise from their downtrodden states to a life of love and felicity. They truly deserve that. Hats off to our women!"
Now that you've read Professor Elektra's inference, what do you think of your own one? Have you understood the importance of women in your life? Have you realized how special they are?
Riiiiiiiiiiiiight.
That made SUCH a lot of sense.
So love is like a rose. Then it is like a thread. And then it's like a cloud. Lets not forget it's delicate, too.
And all this information from a handful of magazines and books? These psychoanalysts are real geniuses.
I mean, who would have known that women like to be loved and respected? That women are special to us all? (OY Elektra! No wonder you've been employed as a window-cleaner in Hogsmeade these past five years.). Who on earth knew?
All the same, I've one long road ahead of me. I have to not only find a suitable mate for Lily, but I must also make sure that he loves and respects her for all eternity.
Someone who won't cheat on her like Adam Bede, bore her like Gilbert Stone or hound her like Elphias Doge.
All this work, and I'm back at Square One.
Like I said before, I've one long road ahead of me.
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
There.
A new chapter posted. This one is for all the women out there, a bit
late from March 8th, but the intentions are sincere.
Here's to celebrating the glory of womankind.
I
know there's not much plot-development in here, but prepare
yourself for some Marauder Mayhem in the next chapter. Lots of fluff
to follow. Just hang on there.
If
you've read this story and you've LIKED it, just write the word
YES! In the Reviews page, and I'll be eternally
grateful. How much time does it take? Please?
Dr.
Fawkes