Disclaimer: Bugger that, everyone should know by now that, much as I would like to, I don't own Logan or anything else X-Men...however, if someone can have him bathed and brought to my tent, that would be stinkin' lovely...:)

Chapter 4.

(Angela)

Logan paled, swallowed hard and turned away from me, his fists clenched not in anger, but pain. I knew what he was thinking, because I'd thought it too in my life. Because of what we are, we only bring pain and suffering to those around us. But I'd spent the better part of the pastten years trying to overcome that. Logan, it seems, was wallowing in it. When he finally looked back at me, the naked pain on his face was heartbreaking.

"I'm sorry…I mean, it sounds so fuckin' stupid after all this time but, I'm sorry."

"Logan, don't worry about it. It was a long time ago and hey, I have nine lives, remember?"

"Lucky for you. How many of them am I responsible for?"

"Just the one, I promise. But back then, you didn't remember that. In fact, I'm not sure you were ever told about that. But I remember dying that night just like I remember all the other times. Your claw caught me in the throat and I knew my better-than-most healing would never get this before I bled out. I remember I said your name again and you seemed to wake up then. You looked down, saw what you'd done and you backed away into the corner, just saying 'I'm sorry' over and over again. I tried to tell you not to worry, but you were already so far away and everything was going black. I remember when I stopped breathing and I died. Everything was quiet and there's always this sense of waiting when I'm dead. I know how bizarre that sounds, but it's true. Finally, I could hear again, then I was breathing and I opened my eyes. You were still in the same place, still staring at me when I lifted my head and looked at you. There was so much blood, my blood, all over the place and all over you, but when I looked at you it was like you couldn't see me. I crawled over to you, touched you and you snapped out of it. I could tell you couldn't believe your eyes and you kept asking me how, how, over and over again. 'They like us hard to kill, you see' is what I said to you." I swallowed hard, looking away from him and hoping he'd let me stop there. No such luck.

"There's more. I know there is." He leaned over and put a hand on my leg, not threatening but firm. "Come on, what are you leavin' out?"

"Logan, it's been a long night. You know what happened to you, how you got away, isn't that enough?"

"No damn it, it's not!" He roared, once again on his feet and prowling back and forth. Wolverine never paced, he's far too graceful for that. He stopped and looked at me. "Look, you're the first person I've met in fifteen years who has even one sliver of my past that I don't want to kill on sight. You can't leave it there. What happened?"

I swallowed hard again, not sure I wanted to relive the rest. But I could see it meant a lot to him, so I went on. "Yeah, all right…"

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"They like us hard to kill, you see."

Wolverine looks at you, like he can't believe you're still alive. He doesn't know how and he doesn't know why, but you're alive. He saw you bleed out in front of him, dead because of him, yet here you are, warm, alive, breathing. Before you can react, he's grabbed you by the arms and he's kissing you. Gods help you; you're kissing him back. You're both still covered with your blood, but you don't care. Your claws come out and you tear the shirt off his back; he growls,ripping yours off and tossing it aside. Somehow, you both realize that fucking in a huge pool of blood is beyond gross and he's carrying you to the bedroom. His pants come off, somewhere along the way yours have been removed as well and you're grasping at one another as though your lives depend on it. Maybe, right now, they do.

You both go feral, biting and growling, but it's always been in both your natures, right? And it's not like you can cause each other permanent damage after all. He'll heal a lot faster than you, but you still heal a lot faster than most. He's not gentle, not by a longshot, but you wouldn't want this any other way. Your claws dig into his back as he grabs a handful of your hair, pulling your head back and looking into your eyes. You realize for the first time that you don't know his real name and he doesn't know yours. Gasping, you look at him and say "Angela". He understands and growls "Logan" just before he enters you. Ultimately, it didn't matter because you don't say anything coherent for a very long time after that.

Hours later, you both fall asleep again, but thankfully it's dreamless. He's awake before you are, lightly running his fingers up and down your arm. You smile and roll over, kissing him. Much to your delight, he smiles back.

"Angela, huh? Never woulda thought you were an Angela. Doesn't suit ya."

"Yeah well, you don't seem the Logan type to me, so I guess we're even."

You lay there in silence for a long time, just enjoying this new facet to your partnership. But after a while, you start to feel uncomfortable with it and try to roll away. Try, but Logan doesn't let you. He turns you back over, a look of concern on his face.

"Angela, what's wrong? Talk to me."

You sigh. "Logan, why did you do this?"

"Do what?"

"Decide that now was a good time to sleep with me? Why not before, on a mission or something? Or back at the base? Or when we first got here? Why now? I know you thought about it before, we both did. Why after I died and came back?"

Now it's his turn to sigh. "I saw you there, drownin' on your own blood and I did it. Me. I'm just a fuckin' killer animal and I killed the only person who'd ever been kind to me. I watched your blood pour out and I wished like hell it was me dyin' instead of you. I sat there all night, all day, willin' myself to die so I wouldn't be alone again. You saved my worthless hide for some damn reason and I turned around and killed you for it. Then, like a miracle, you opened your eyes. I thought it was a post-mortem thing, that your eyes opened so they could look at me, accuse me of killin' you. Then you touched me, you said my name and I couldn't believe you were real. I kept askin' how this could be and you told me they liked us hard to kill. But I didn't care about that, I just knew you were alive and I wasn't alone." He swallows hard, like the next thing he wants to say is the most difficult thing he's ever said. "You were the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen, sittin' there alive like that. Part of me died when you did an' that part of me came back with you. I don't know what the hell that means, but I know that the part of me you brought back with you just wanted you so much I couldn't help myself."

The tears pour down your face, surprising you both. You thought they'd trained the tears out of you a long time ago. In spite of that you still manage to smile. "Well, Logan, looks like you're an animal after all. But you're MY kind of animal." And you kiss him again.

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Logan stared at the floor, not sure how to process this. But he finally sat next to me, very close to me actually. He didn't say anything for a long time, I'm not sure what was going through his head. I shifted my weight a bit and he finally looked up, but I looked away.

"Angela, look at me." He turned to me, leaning over a bit. "Please, look at me." I was afraid to, afraid of him for the first time ever, mostly because of the tears threatening to fall. But, I looked at him. "That's why you were so pissed I don't remember you, isn't it? Because we were lovers, probably from that point til the snow stopped, right?"

"Bravo, give the man a cigar." I said, allowing a little ice to creep into my voice. "It's not easy for a girl to hear something like that, you know. Damages the ego."

"Yeah well, if it helps any, I wish like hell I could remember that part."

"Yeah me too."

He settled back, leaning his head on his fist. "Ya know, it's funny. I remember a bit of what happened before the escape, but I don't remember anything after it, not really. It's so damn frustratin'!"

"Logan, there are so many things that could be keeping you from remembering. Maybe one of the telepaths managed to put in a really good block. Or maybe they got that chip thingy figured out and put it in your head while you were in the tank, I don't know. Hell, for all I know, your mind simply doesn't want to deal with it and you're unconsciously blocking it yourself. I do know that you're not crazy, but that whole experience was brutal and caused you nothing but pain. And whether or not I like it, I'm a part of that pain. I should have known better than to tell you this much, but I didn't think about that."

"So what, you think I'm outta my mind?"

"In a way, yes you are. But it's going away, you're starting to remember. If you hadn't dropped in on my bar, I would still come back in your mind eventually. Then you'd probably go to hell and back to see if I was ok, especially if all you remembered was killing me. This way, when it does come back on its own, you won't have another corpse to torture yourself over."

That had obviously never dawned on him, as evidenced by the understanding in his eyes. The thought kept him still for a long moment, then miraculously, he smiled. "Ya know, you're right. I woulda never thought of it that way."

I smiled back at him. "I'm glad one of us is still thinking." I slid forward on the sofa, back to the little box and it's few treasures. "Anyway, this ring was a gift from you a couple weeks after we were dug out. It's not a wedding ring or anything, but you had one just like it. You also gave me the little cat as a joke gift about a month later." Picking up the photo, I looked at it for a long time before handing it over. "This is the only other thing I have left. It was taken three months after the blizzard and two weeks before we…went our separate ways."

The photo showed Logan and I in front of a waterfall, but even I can't remember where anymore. I have my arms around him, my cheek pressed to his chest and he's kissing me on top of my head. Except for my hair being longer now and streaked with my color of the week, we looked exactly the same as we did in that photo. I remember it being the very last time we were happy together, before one of Stryker's men saw us and the pursuit for us began again. Logan looked at it, his brow creased as though he did remember something about this. Again, I stayed silent, not wanting to break the spell.

"Wait, I remember this. Well, kind of. I was there with someone. I can't see her face...your face, but I know she was important to me. And I remember sittin' at the base of that waterfall, just holdin' someone and knowin' that as long as she was there, I'd be all right." He squeezed his eyes shut, concentrating on the memory. Tears streamed down my face as he spoke, as that was exactly what he'd said to me that day. I hoped he would remember more and this time I was rewarded. "I remember tellin' her I'd always take care of her like she took care of me. And I remember…I remember I loved her." He looked up at me and then gently placed the photo in the box. "I don't remember everythin', not even close, but I remember that day, that moment. And I remember that it didn't last."

"No, it didn't. Three days later, one of Stryker's guys saw us on the pier in Windsor. Two days after that, they hit the place we'd been staying and we barely got away. We ran, stayed barely ahead of them for a little while, a few weeks or so, then decided we should go our separate ways to make us harder to catch. I don't know if they ever got you, but they never got me. Maybe they did and that's why you can't remember so much of what happened and you can't remember me. But I managed to get into the states and I finally settled in southern California for a while, waited til it was safe to come back this way. I never made it back to Canada, so I stopped here, opened RnR and the rest is my history." I wiped the tears from my eyes, then collected my treasures and put them back in the box. "For years, I hoped I'd see you somewhere, at a concert or in the park or something. I even went back to Alkali Lake a few years ago, thinking maybe you'd be around there somewhere. Hell, I even went back to Jenkins' cabin on the off chance you'd be around." I gave a small laugh. "Ya know, I bought that place from him right after that visit, thinking I might have the guts to go stay there some time. But it's so empty without you, I couldn't bear it."

I stood and crossed back to the cabinet, replacing the box on the shelf and locking the doors. Logan still sat on the couch, looking deep in thought. Part of me desperately wanted to throw myself into his arms, to hear his breathing and feel his strength, but part of me just wanted him out of my life again so I didn't have to grieve for him all over. Before I could decide what to do, he made up my mind for me.

As I crossed to the couch, he stood up, closing the gap between us. He looked down at me for a long time, then wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close. Suddenly, the wall I had put up in my heart collapsed and a sob escaped my throat as my arms went around his waist. I don't know how long we stood there, but eventually his arms relaxed and I knew he was looking down at me again, but I didn't have the guts to look up.

"Logan, don't tell me you're leaving me again. I can't bear it. And I could probably find a doctor around here that'll cut my heart out for the right price so I don't have to live with it being broken."

He placed a finger under my chin and tilted my face up. "Darlin', the last thing in the world I want to do is leave you again." He lowered his lips to mine and kissed me softly, the first time I can remember him ever doing that. "C'mon, let's see if we can't jar my memory."

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AN: Thanks again for the lovely reviews! Keep 'em coming, they make me do the happy dance! I'll have chapter 5 up soon, then I'll be going camping for the weekend and won't have chapter 6 up until Sunday night/Monday morning at the earliest. Super special thanks to Zac (my fiance) for being a speedy beta-reader and helping me minimize your suspense!