Disclaimer: See previous chapters, I'm too tired to be clever today...
AN: As some of my readers may know, I like to use updates as a way of celebrating with all of you...normally, this wouldn't be out for another day or so, but my mom's coming home today! So, in celebration of my happiness, here's a new chapter to help you all with yours...enjoy!
Chapter 14.
(Logan)
The first week at the mansion was tough on Angela. I understood what she was going through, being the new novelty and all. At least One-Eye had the sense to stay out of her orbit as much as possible, mealtimes being the only times it was completely unavoidable. Still, I kept my eyes on him and what I was seeing wasn't making me happy. Sure, he hadn't tried to talk to her alone since that first day, but I kept on catching him looking at her from across the room and I thought I'd seen him watching her from his window during our morning run a couple times. Maybe I'm just paranoid (ok, yes I AM paranoid, sue me), but it sure seemed like he had quite the obsession with looking at my woman. I think I know how he felt when I first showed up around here and I didn't like it.
Still, she handled herself well. On the second day, she and Rogue had a long sit-down after classes were over and from then on, they were all but inseparable. I don't know what they talked about and neither one of them are telling, but I figure it was just girl stuff anyway and I don't think I really want to know. I did notice that she treated Rogue just the same way I do, with no fear of touching her skin even accidentally. It did wonders to boost Rogue's morale, which was probably the best thing to come of it.
She also finally got to meet Kurt, who'd been away for the week on some kind of personal religious retreat. He's a nice enough guy and I can understand how his faith sustains him, but I also knew that Angela has her own beliefs and they have precious little to do with the heavenly father. I've heard her say things like "gods only know" or "gods willing", so I wasn't sure how the meeting would go over. My fears were completely unnecessary, since they actually got along famously, each recognizing that it doesn't matter who or what you have faith in, as long as you have faith. The message knows where it's going; you don't need to give it a certain name. My respect for the blue elf went up another notch.
Neither one of us wanted to admit that One-Eye was right about anything, but his prediction that the students, especially the older ones, would want to know everything about her came true. It wasn't uncommon to find her in a hallway or sitting in the lounge with a group of kids asking her some of the strangest things. The best one, however, came from a little boy named Ryan Hiller.
At the time, Ryan was seven years old and one of the rare mutants whose abilities were present from birth. He didn't have a powerful gift, rather he had limited metamorphic abilities. Unlike Mystique, who can imitate everything about a person, Ryan was only able to change his hair, eye and skin color at will; he still looked like himself with only those features changed. It quickly became obvious that he had a little crush on Angela the third day she was here.
She'd been cornered in the lounge (again) by a group of the younger students, who weren't interested in what she could do so much as other things about her. I heard questions like "why don't you like Mr. Summers?" and "if you're like Logan, how come you're not so hairy?" Finally Ryan, who's a little shy, got up the nerve to ask about her hair. She told me she felt naked without streaks and had gone to town and gotten a wide array of unnatural colors to choose from. At the time, she had bright blue streaks, which contrasted nicely with the platinum blond she was still sporting. Ryan seemed fascinated by it and worked up enough nerve to ask her.
"Um, Miss Angela?" He asked, looking at his shoes.
"Yeah? What's your name?"
"Um, I'm Ryan. Um, is your hair like that cuz you're a mutant?"
She giggled like a little girl. "No, sweetie. I put the blue stripes in it because I like them. Why?"
"Um, cuz I like them too. I think they're cool."
"Thank you! I'm glad someone around here doesn't think they're silly."
"Oh no, um, I think they're really cool."
Later that day, when Storm brought the younger kids to dinner, she sat down next to us with a big grin on her face. She leaned over to Angela, snickering. "Don't look now, but I think you have a fan." She said.
"What are you talking about?" Angela asked, looking around. Storm pointed to the table where Ryan was sitting with a couple friends and we couldn't help but laugh. Until that day, we hadn't known he could control his mutation to that extent, but there he sat with platinum blond hair streaked with bright blue. From that day on, no matter what she did with her hair, his would match it within a few hours. I confess that I thought it was cute (not a word I normally use for any reason, but hey, it was). Angela thought it was embarrassing, but never said anything to stop him.
By Saturday, she realized that she was just going to have to sit down with the older kids and answer any questions they had. She was getting tired of being ambushed at every turn and figured she could just do it all in one afternoon to get it over with. She and I met with the Professor, Storm, Kurt and One-Eye that morning. I don't have to say that the idea was less than appealing to at least one of them.
"Let me get this straight," Scott was saying. "You want to get the kids who are twelve and over in one room, let them ask you anything they want and you're going to answer them?"
"That is the traditionally accepted format of a Q and A session, yes." She replied dryly. Kurt barely suppressed a laugh.
"And what if they want to know about things you did with Logan? Or how many times you've died? Or how many people you've killed? What will you say then?"
"I'll tell them the truth. If there's something I don't want to talk about, I'll tell them to drop it or the session is over. Otherwise, I don't see any reason to keep anything from them."
"So you're just going to sit there and regale them with tales from your days as a trained killer?"
"I wouldn't say I'm going to 'regale' them with anything. I'm just going to tell them the truth. It's not like I'm going to describe everything in vivid detail or tell them how long it takes for someone to die of a slashed throat. I'll give them the bare essential information. Besides, they might find themselves in a situation similar to something that happened to me and they'll be better prepared for it."
"I'm sorry but I…" he began, but Chuck cut him off.
"Scott, I can see the wisdom in what she wants to do. She'll be much less of a disruption if we let her get rid of the mystery on her own."
"I agree vith the Professor." Kurt added. "It vould haff been much easier on me if I had thought to do that." One-Eye looked at him and I would bet that he was glaring, not that we could see it or anything.
"Well, I don't agree. The kids are smart enough to be afraid of Logan. They seem to think Angela's the best thing since sliced cheese."
"Hey now, I'm right here." I put in. "And the kids aren't afraid of me."
"Then how come they don't flock around you like you're the Pied Piper or something?" He asked.
"Don't ask me, I don't know." I replied with a shrug. "Maybe because I haven't spent a lot of time here, they never got around to it."
"And maybe it's because the last time you were here, we got invaded and you killed a bunch of people in cold blood."
"Now wait just a fuckin' minute!" I yelled, standing up. "I did not kill one goddamn person in cold blood! Those assholes were here with LIVE AMMO and they kidnapped some of these kids! If you think for one minute I was gonna sit back and wait until someone got shot with more than a fuckin' dart to do somethin', then you shouldn't have left me in charge!"
"Logan, please, calm down." Said the Professor mildly. "No one is saying…" I cut him off.
"Don't patronize me, Chuck. It doesn't suit you."
"I assure you I would never do any such thing. We all understand that you did what you had to do to keep the children safe."
"No, I don't think all of you understand." I said, glaring at Scott. "In fact, I don't think any of you understand."
"No, it's you that doesn't understand." He replied. "Bobby told me what he saw. You could have disabled those men, but you made the decision to kill them without trying anything else."
"And what would you have suggested I do, offer them tea and biscuits so we could discuss it like civilized people?" I snorted. "Those people had automatic weapons with real bullets, brought them into a school full of sleepin' kids. They were ready for some kind of resistance and were ready to respond with lethal force. If I hadn't done what I did, we wouldn't have had missin' kids, we woulda had dead ones. So who would you rather have coolin' on the deck, bub?"
"All I'm saying is that you could have knocked them out and moved on."
"Um, excuse me?" Angela said from her seat near the window and we both turned. "Not to sound like devil's advocate here or anything but…wasn't he outnumbered like fifty or more to one?"
"From what I understand, yes." Scott said, sounding wary.
"So what's the problem again?"
"He killed those men outright without trying another way first."
"Ok, I get that. What I don't get is why you're so pissy about it."
"Because he didn't even try, that's why!"
"Look, all I'm saying is, if you wait to give someone a chance to kill you, it's already too late and you're dead." She stood up and walked over to him. "Unfortunately for you, that's a permanent problem. Can you honestly say you wouldn't have done whatever you had to do to ensure the safety of the children?"
"I wouldn't have killed them, if that's what you mean."
She looked thoughtful for a minute before continuing. "Right. I get it now." She turned to the Professor. "So, can we get the kids in the lecture hall by three o'clock?"
"Yes, I think that can be arranged." He replied with a smile. I wondered what they'd said to each other. "So, if there's nothing else, I have a few calls to make." He said, essentially ending the meeting.
We left the office and I walked with Angela out to the reflecting pool. I had just put my arms around her when we both heard footsteps and my nose told me it was Scott, back for round two. I sighed and turned as he approached. "Whattaya want now, One-Eye? I'm tryin' to have quality time with my woman."
"I don't care what the Professor says." He started without preamble. "You were wrong that night. You murdered those men."
"Murder is a harsh word to use when one is protecting their home." Angela said before I could say anything. "Personally, I think he showed remarkable restraint. He only killed what? A half dozen? Back in the day, he would have clawed his way through five times as many and still had time for a cigar before he had to leave."
I couldn't help but smile. The look on the Boy Scout's face was priceless. "See? I told you it could have been worse."
"Not everyone has so little respect for human life, Logan. Some of us want to use our powers to help people."
"Hey, you're not the only one, bub. But I'm not gonna sit back and hope that the guy I just knocked down isn't gonna come to and shoot me in the back. For me, that's no big deal. I've been shot more times than you've even seen action. Had it been you, well," I leaned in and grinned, "I'm sure the funeral would have been touching."
"Just remember, Logan. You pull something like that on a mission with me and I'll turn you in myself."
"You do that and you won't live to see the light of day." Angela said, and then smiled. "Tell you what. How about you come to the Q and A today and you can ask me anything YOU want. I'm sure it'll be enlightening." She kissed me and walked away. Scott stayed there for a second before going off in the other direction. I just stood there, marveling at my luck. On the one hand, One-Eye was pissed off, which is nice. On the other hand, my woman was about to shock him into white hair. All in all, it was a very good day.
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I didn't think he'd actually take her up on the offer, but when three o'clock rolled around, Scott was sitting in the back of the room. This whole thing was voluntary for the kids, but I wasn't surprised at all when all of them showed up. It took a few minutes for them to settle down, but once they did Angela got their attention and kept it for the next two hours.
At first their questions were simple. How does your mutation work? How old are you really? How are your claws different from Logan's? Some of them were downright silly. Is that your real hair? Well, except the blue part? Do you ever paint your claws in fashion colors? Did you really used to own a bar? But they eventually got down to the really tough questions.
"So, um, we hear that you and Logan go way back." It was Bobby talking. "Does that mean you knew him when…you know…he got his claws and stuff?"
"Yes, it does. In fact, that's where I met him." She replied, very matter of fact.
"So, did they do anything to you like they did to him?" That was Jubilee, half looking like she didn't want to know.
Angela nodded. "They put the adamantium on my skeleton, too. They couldn't do my claws because they don't stop growing."
"Wait a minute." I looked and saw it was a boy named Jesse Aaronson. "Logan only survived that because of his healing factor. How did you survive?"
"Technically, I didn't." She replied. I cringed and saw that Rogue did the same. "In fact, I technically didn't survive it about six or eight times. My main mutation is that I don't stay dead. I call it my nine lives, even though it's been a lot more than that."
"So how does it feel when you're dead?" That was Jesse again.
"It's too hard to explain, really. The closest I can come is that I feel like I'm waiting for something to happen, kind of like that time while you're sleeping between snooze alarms. You know that it's going to happen, the alarm will go off again, but you don't know when. Except that I am also aware that I'm not breathing and I can't really think or anything either. It just feels like waiting in the dark."
A couple kids shuddered at that, but they weren't stopped. "So, how many people have you killed?" That came from a girl I didn't know, I'm sorry to say.
Angela looked to me, then for some reason to One-Eye before answering. "I honestly don't know. I never kept count. More than a hundred, less than a thousand is about the best I can do."
"So why did you do it? We know Logan doesn't really remember what all he did, but you do. So, why?" Leave it to Rogue to ask the ones no one else wanted to ask.
"I'm sorry, but I'm not going to discuss that with you in detail. Just know that I wasn't doing it willingly, for myself. They had leverage on me and I had no choice." Good answer.
"How long has it been since you killed someone?" All eyes turned to the back of the room. Scott asked that one.
She looked him right in the eye. "A little under a year."
"Why?"
"It was either that or let him rape me. Even I can be surprised sometimes. What would you have done?"
"Would you do it again? Even if the circumstances weren't that extreme?"
"If you're asking if I would just go off and kill someone for kicks, the answer is no. But if you want to know if I would kill again, then yes, I would. If I had to."
"What's the worst way to die?" That came from Kitty Pryde, which was unexpected to me.
"There are no good ways to die." She replied. "They're all bad."
"So what did you and Logan used to do back when you knew each other before?" That was Jubilee again. Angela looked back at me and I gave her a small nod. If she wanted to tell that story, it was hers to tell.
"Different things. Sometimes it was sabotage, infiltration, stealing files or whatever. Mostly, it was stuff that isn't very nice."
"What do you mean, 'isn't very nice'?" One-Eye asked. "It sounds like you didn't do anything that was very nice in the first place."
"I'm pretty sure I don't have to go into details about what could possibly worse than sabotage and theft, Cyclops."
"But how could you possibly do things like that and then stand up there and tell us that it's still ok to do them now?"
Angela sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. "Look, you have to understand that the things we did…like I said before, they had leverage on me. I'm not going to tell you about Logan's reasons because that's not my story to tell. If he wants you to know, he'll tell it. I was trained in stealth, infiltration, sabotage and assassination. I know hundreds of ways to kill someone and make it look like an accident. So does Logan. We got away by sheerest luck. If you want to get technical, we are still running from those people. We are the very best at what we did and they want very much to get us back. The things they did to me, to make me into the perfect mindless, emotionless killer…I never want anything like that to happen to anyone again.
"I have these gifts, these abilities that even most other mutants don't have. I have all of this training and yeah, it's nasty business but it's so ingrained that it's as much a part of me as my claws. So, since I have these awesome talents at my disposal, don't I also have a responsibility to use them, to protect those who can't do what I do? Don't I have an obligation to turn their killer back upon them and make them pay for what they did, especially if it means I can stop them from doing it again? They will not hesitate to use deadly force against any one of you. And all of you have to be prepared to do what needs to be done to protect those who are not gifted the way you are. Each and every one of you will someday find yourselves as the right person, in the right place, at the right time, with exactly the right gifts to do what is necessary. Even if it isn't very nice."
She stood up and looked at each person in the room, making eye contact with all of them in turn, finally coming to rest on Scott. "The next mutant they grab could be one of you. They could get you when you go to the mall, or on a field trip, or they might even try to get in here again. A few of you have already been taken and sure, the X-Men came to save you. But you wouldn't have gotten out of there if Jean hadn't done what she had to do to save Cyclops. You wouldn't have gotten out if Nightcrawler hadn't been there, to put Storm in the right place at the right time to save the Professor. Even Magneto played his part, much as we all hate to admit that. If Logan hadn't done what he did, you wouldn't have been able to get out of the base. And again if Rogue hadn't taken the initiative and flown the plane to where you were all standing. But it was Jean who had exactly the right gift at the right time to do the right thing. I know you all miss her and you wish there could have been another way, but she knew what she was doing and she knew there was no other way to save you all. Someday, each of you will have to make that choice because it will be the RIGHT choice. It won't be easy, but the right choice usually isn't."
She shifted her gaze from Scott to me. "When Logan and I escaped from Alkali Lake, I was the right person at the right time to help him get out. Yeah, I wanted out too and I saw this as my chance, but getting him out was my main goal. Had I not been there and killed a bunch of people to slow them down, neither one of us would be here today. Just think about what that would have meant when Magneto grabbed Rogue that day. Or when Stryker invaded the mansion. We got out and Logan was here when he needed to be. My choice back then wasn't easy, but I made it and I'm not sorry about what I did to those people." She looked away from me and back at the kids. "And if they ever show their ugly faces where I can see them, I'll do it again. Because it is the right choice and I'm one of the only people willing to make it. If that bothers some of you, I'm sorry but that's not my problem. I am willing to do anything that I am capable of doing to stop those people from harming anyone else." She again shifted her eyes to Cyclops. "Are you?"
The room was completely silent and I could tell that what she'd said had brought home a very ugly truth to everyone. She just stood up there, watching their faces and I knew then that she'd made up her mind. We were staying here. Finally, Rogue put up her hand and Angela simply nodded to acknowledge her. "Angela, I just wanted to thank you for being honest with us. I know it couldn't have been easy, but you didn't treat us like kids who don't know any better." She said, glancing back at One-Eye. "I think we've all heard everything we need to hear, so…thank you."
"You're welcome, Rogue. All of you, you are most welcome." She smiled at everyone and walked over to me, letting out a breath of relief. "Gods above, that was a tough crowd." She said, putting her arms around me and leaning into my chest. I wrapped an arm around her and kissed the top of her head. A few of the kids came up to us to say thanks personally as they left, but she just smiled at them.
I steered her out of the lecture hall and took her outside to the rose garden. The sun was lowering in the sky, but it was still warm and a breeze ruffled her hair. Hearing her at the end there had really gotten to me. I'd had no idea that she really hadn't cared if she got out of Alkali Lake alive, as long as I was safe. She'd never told me and I couldn't help but wonder why. We came to a bench and sat down, and I turned to her.
"You want to know why I never told you before." She said before I could ask. I simply nodded. "Well, by then I had a pretty serious death wish, like I told you before. I was pretty sure that you weren't attracted to me, because of prior circumstances, so I was running on revenge. I figured if I could get you out of there, but I could take out a bunch of them with me, then it would be enough. Getting out with you was an added bonus and you know the rest."
"Darlin', I would have never asked you to do that." I said, scowling at her.
"I know, Logan. Believe me, I know. But I didn't care. What I said was true, I'd do it all over again. Just like I know you'd do the same thing. Because we are the only ones who would be able to make that choice and live with the consequences. It's not like we haven't done those things before, after all."
"Just because you were a killer doesn't mean you still have to be." I said quietly. "You're a different person now."
"And so are you, even if you are too damn stubborn to see it. We've just shifted our homicidal tendencies to other targets, but it's still there in both of us. So, we'll use it to help people who need it, because we're the only ones who can."
"Yeah, I s'pose you're right. It's gonna be a lot harder, convincin' the others though."
"I'll just have to use my feminine wiles. I do always get my way, you know."
I chuckled and kissed the top of her head. "That you do, darlin'. That you do."
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AN (take two): Many thanks to those of you who have sent me the lovely get well messages for my mom...you know who you are...:) Special thanks to Zac and Turiel Tincdaniel, my most excellent beta readers...kisses! Much love to DBK(tm) for his continued support and for offering to beat someone up for scaring away my muse...we both thank you for the sentiment...:) Last, but not least, Super Swanky thanks to you, my readers, for sticking with me...i guess my story doesn't suck as bad as i thought it did? Please review, they give me a happy...:)