A Fate Worse Than Death
By West Dean.
Chapter Seven: Occlumency with Snape
Authors Note: Wandering P.O.V.s ahead
Harry was sitting in one of the squashy armchairs by the side of the fire in the Gryffindor Common room. Around him swirled a buzz of movement and noise as fellow members of Gryffindor House finished homework, played games or just simply mucked about. He was ignoring them completely, his attention riveted on the silent form of the young woman sitting in the armchair on the other side of the fireplace.
He had just finished explaining all that he could remember about Occlumency. This had included the unpleasant memories of his lessons with Snape, especially the Potions master's tendency to attack with Legilimency before you were ready. But Hermione, to his growing alarm, had simply not responded and had merely continued to stare into the fire.
They were waiting for Ron to return from his lesson and Harry had expected her to use this time to question him closely, preparing herself for the possible ordeal ahead. He was becoming worried by her attitude. She was looking anxious, her hands clenched in her lap and Crookshanks had been sent away with a nudge of her foot when he had turned up looking for a warm place to sit.
It now occurred to him that she had been looking anxious for days –that was when they had actually seen her. Her usual heavy study schedules and the different classes that they now all took meant that the three friends usually met most commonly for meals, but Hermione had even been skipping these.
In fact he felt he could trace this more careworn version of Hermione back as far as the night when she had brightly set off to rescue Neville. Had something happened that she had not told them about? And why had she looked so confused during the meeting this afternoon with Dumbledore? She had not seemed to be pleased by any of the information that they had been given, not even about Draco and the Love Potion, although he could not blame her for taking the news that she was about to get Snape for Occlumency with anything but deep dismay. Harry instinctively felt that this situation had something to do with his hated Potions master. Another thing that he could hold against the man.
His musing was interrupted by the long anticipated arrival of Ron back through the Portrait Hole. His friend had a miserable expression on his face and Harry could swear that even his freckles had gone pale. He jumped up to give his armchair to Ron who collapsed into it.
"Ooh Harry! That was horrible!"
Harry couldn't help but smile grimly at Ron's woebegone expression and the groan in his voice. He remembered that experience all right!
"The Greasy Git got an eyeful of everything I've ever got up to with Fred and George. If he ever tells Mum I'll be howled all the way home. Fred and George are going to kill me! I've got bruises on my knees from slamming onto the floor – I didn't manage to stop him at all."
"Don't worry Ron, as far as I know Snape has never used what he saw in my mind against me (except for telling Dumbledore.) He must regard it as some point of honour that separates him from the likes of Vold…."
"Sssh! Don't say that name, all I need is to start thinking about him. I've got such a headache, I'm just glad I've escaped alive – Oh sorry Hermione. You've been so quiet, I didn't see you there."
The great tower bell of Hogwarts rang the three-quarter chime loudly enough to penetrate even the noisy Common Room. Hermione looked at her two friends with a rather glazed expression and stood up, it was going to take fifteen minutes to walk down to the Dungeons. She headed for the Portrait Hole seemingly unaware of the concerned gaze of her friends behind her.
ssHGss
A few minutes later Hermione approached the door of Snape's office. The last time that she had stood here had been when - No! Don't think about it – Legilimency uncovers emotions and memories.
She tried to gather her composure but was not helped by Lady Serena coming to the front of her portrait and smirking at her from across the corridor.
What cheek! You've been fooled too. Hermione stuck out her tongue fiercely at the sorceress before knocking on the door.
Hermione had been trying to calm herself and get her thoughts into order. She had been trying to listen to Harry but two hours had proved too little time to get herself clear in her own mind. She no longer doubted herself, although her normal feelings of insecurity guaranteed that a slight sense of uncertainty still lingered. She was struggling to work towards some sort of answer to the difference between what she knew shehad seen and what had been reported at the meeting. Now she was about to face a teacher who already thought her an overreaching Know-it-all and now seemed to have reason to believe that she had inflated a student prank into a threat to the magical world. She was really not looking forward to this.
SsHGss
"Come in girl! Don't stand there gawking at the door. I wish you to stand just there at the edge of that rug."
Hermione crossed Snape's office to where he was indicating that she should stand. A thick, richly coloured rug now lay before Snape's desk. She looked up into the cold black eyes of her Professor as he stood on the other side.
"After the debacle with Mr Weasley I thought it prudent to transfigure something to cushion the floor. I can do without attracting the wrath of Madame Pomfrey"
So he thought she would collapse did he? A spark of anger went through her despite all her attempts to keep her feelings in check. Don't lose it! Keep calm, Hermione, keep calm. She was saying to herself. Otherwise he will see everything in your mind.
She quickly glanced around Snape's office avoiding his judgemental look. A fire was burning in the small fireplace, an acknowledgement of the bitter cold that still gripped Hogwarts. Glints of firelight sparkled from the hundreds of jars that lined the walls, which always gave Snape's working area the look of the lair of a mad muggle scientist rather than a teacher. It really did not help the impression of a sinister recluse that he gave to the students, although Hermione had always wondered if this was a façade.
The most noticeable object stood on a nearby shelf – the intricately carved stone Penseive that currently glowed faintly with the thoughts of the man in front of her. She had tried to get Harry to tell her about this amazing device but he had recently been infuriatingly guarded about talking about it and even seemed ashamed of his knowledge – so she had remained intrigued.
"If you would care to pay attention!" Snape said acidly, causing Hermione to jump. I'm so distracted. I must clear my mind. She thought desperately.
"No doubt……no doubt you will have questioned Potter on his small sum of knowledge of the arts of Occlumency and Legilimency. I also expect you have scoured the Library for what little material there is but it bears repeating as I have said to your fellow Gryffindors what this subject is about. Occlumency is the branch of magic that seals the mind against magical invasion and manipulation. Legilimency is the ability to extract feelings and memories from another's mind. Both arts usually require eye contact; both are influenced by the possession of strong feelings or lack of them. As in so many branches of magic the ability to suppress emotion is crucial to their mastery. Any questions?"
"Professor – is it possible for you to read a specific memory if the person practising Occlumency keeps it at the front of their mind and suppresses all others?"
"That is the true skill of Occlumency – master that and you can tell untruths to the Dark Lord himself. Is there something that you particularly wish me to see? I must warn you Miss Granger that it requires skill – lose control of your emotions and all that will be revealed is a useless maelstrom of images and feelings that even I am unable to read."
They both looked at each other having reached a moment of perfect understanding. Snape was eager to draw out the memory of her encounter with Lucius and Hermione was just as willing to reveal it.
"If you are ready, we will proceed. I will now attempt to break into your mind using Legilimency You must maintain eye contact with me and you in turn can use your wand or your mind to defend yourself. I will soon gauge your aptitude. Prepare Miss Granger- Legilimens!"
Harry had described an assault by Legilimency as being like watching a reel of muggle celluloid film flicker by, images flashing so quickly that you became unaware of your surroundings. Hermione was prepared for that sensation but Harry had not warned her that the images were accompanied by sound or that she would feel every emotion associated with that memory. As someone who was normally good at controlling her emotions this raw assault quickly wore down her defences.
Images flashed through her mind accompanied by the burst of emotion that had imprinted itself on her memory.
------- She was punching out Emily Fawcett in Year Three of St. Catherine's Primary for dropping her copy of The Hobbit in a muddy puddle. It was a smug feeling and Emily's front teeth were already missing. Oh No! He can go back that far?
------ Snape was looking down at her lying in a bed in the hospital wing, an amused smirk on his face. Bloody hell, I've got fur and whiskers ……and a tail!
------ She was standing in a rose arbour lit by fluttering fairies, held firmly in the arms of Viktor Krum. His lips descended gently to meet hers for the first real kiss of her life. Suddenly the roses were blasted apart and she opened her eyes to see Snape glaring at her. She was running towards the castle, Viktor trying to catch up. "Vare are you going Herm-own-ninny?" he was calling plaintively.
------ She was giving Draco Malfoy a hard slap around the face matched by an enormous feeling of satisfaction. Oh that felt good!
The flashing stopped, her vision cleared, Hermione was looking into the annoyed face of her teacher.
"That was hopeless Miss Granger. Of the three of you I expected you to be the one most able to control your feelings and to master this skill with some degree of ability. It would appear that I was incorrect. Clear your mind of feelings and memories."
"How am I supposed to do that, Sir? This lesson was sprung on me at two hours notice, no time to prepare or carry out any research on how to do it. It follows a meeting that appears to have been arranged just to show me that I'm either suffering from delusions or going mad."
The words burst from her before she could prevent them. She stood glaring at Snape and breathing heavily.
"Miss Granger." Snape's eyes had narrowed and his voice had sunk to its lowest and most dangerous level. "You exaggerate greatly your importance in the scheme of things. Potter's arrogance appears to be contagious. From where I am standing you appear to be inventing a story to draw attention to yourself – your other intentions appear to be of a malicious nature as you have certainly succeeded in making sure that Draco Malfoy was caught!
"And do you really think that someone who wishes to probe your mind with Legilimency would wait until you've been for a couple of Butterbeers with your little friends? You are an adult witch Miss Granger, living in a time of approaching danger - please humour me by acting as though you understand that. Clear your mind of all emotion – feelings are weakness and the Dark Lord knows how to find the weakest point. Ready? Legilimens!"
------- She was standing on a Hogwarts staircase, her right leg sunk to the knee in a trick stair that had appeared overnight. Snape was standing a couple of steps above her, his mouth fixed in a sneer, his voice mocking that the great Know-it-all had been caught out and promising to maybe return in an hour if she hadn't got free – humiliation!
------ Her teeth were growing longer every moment to the sound of Draco's laughter and her whimper of panic. They had reached the top of her collar and then Snape was sneering at her! How could he say that? Does he so despise me?
Why is every memory involving Snape – I've got to break free of this but the memories are spinning too fast!
------- The doors of the Potion Cupboard in Snape's office were open before her. She was desperately trying to find the container of Boomslang skin while trying to keep hold of the other ingredients that she had removed from the cupboard. She was biting her lip with anxiety, her fingers sweaty – she had to hurry. Must not be caught.
------ She was standing in the corridor outside Snape's office, looking at a closed door, the image of his curled lip and the insult he had just made burning in her memory. NO – he can't see that, it's too raw- HE CAN'T!
Hermione found that her fingers were buried deep into the pile of the rug that she had been standing on. Her knees ached from falling hard to the floor, all her limbs were trembling and the blood was pounding through her head. She looked up very slowly, straight into the furious gaze of her Professor. Snape was standing still on the other side of the desk, one hand holding his upright wand, the other fingering a gash across his pale cheek from which blood welled in tiny drops. He was clenching his teeth in rage.
Hermione gulped. Oh no! I think I know which memory he has seen most clearly. And I've hexed him. I've never lost control of my magic before.
"So," he hissed. "It would seem that all these years I have done Potter a disservice and have been made a fool of by the Dream Team. I was sure that he had stolen the ingredients for the Polyjuice Potion and all the time it was little Miss Goody Two-shoes here. Miss Granger I had expected..…..better of you!" Snape actually sounded disappointed.
"Well I suggest that you master the technique of Occlumency with all haste before I uncover any further mischief that you have initiated over the last six years. Get up and prepare yourself."
Hermione slowly got to her feet using the edge of the desk as a support and looked round for her wand that she had let fall. Snape tapped his foot impatiently, his arms crossed, his face still showing his anger.
I must clear my mind, was her urgent thought. I couldn't stop his attack, everything was just pouring out –mixed up memories and emotions. He's not just angry at what he saw but also the fact that he could not look into my mind to see Lucius. It was too disordered. I must try and project a particular image. I know that it can be done. It is how Snape has survived as a Death Eater. But now he is angry and is having trouble controlling his emotions- I'm not ready.
Do not think about Snape. Let's see for Supper I had chicken. I didn't like the look of the pea soup, must have been the Leaky Cauldron's recipe, it resembled one of Snape's potions……….Do not think about Snape. He thinks I'm making up stories up or does he really think I'm delusional? It's not the first time. He believed me to be confounded when Sirius escaped…….Heavens I'm rambling!
She retrieved her wand and stood again before the Potions master.
"Ready?" he said tersely "Legilimens!"
------ The lawn was bathed in moonlight. Gripped with horror, she watched the form of Professor Lupin begin to stretch and distort into a monster from her deepest nightmares – There is nowhere to run!
------ She was moving towards Harry, the chaos of a battle all around when a slice of purple death went through her heart.
------She was lying on the ground as a trio of scarlet hexes shattered the windows of Honeydukes sweetshop above her. The sound of Sybil Trelawney screaming made her focus her gaze to where a group of Death Eaters were being met by Harry and other members of the D A. Harry, No!
------ She was edging towards the corner of the corridor, a mirror held so tightly in her hand that the edges were cutting her palm. There was a noise like the rustling of enormous scales coming towards her. Trembling she extended the mirror to look around the corner. A rapid glimpse of a huge fanged face and then she knew true terror as cell by cell her body turned to stone.
------ Harry was standing back to back with her at the edge of the Hogwarts Lake. A hundred Dementors were advancing, their robes moving in a wind that did not exist.It's becoming so cold……..so cold.
Her mind fled from the horrors that it was remembering. It looked for a place of gentler recollections
------ She now saw herself sitting in the Potion's Dungeon, her cauldron quietly simmering with its carefully made potion, taking a moment among the bustle of students hurrying to finish their work to watch Snape.
His elegant movements, his graceful hands – the way he radiated power and assurance in the classroom. His beautiful black eyes – No, I don't want you to see (or feel) this moment – go away!
She pushed with her mind and her magic using instinct rather than art and suddenly was viewing the identical scene but from a different perspective.
----- Hermione was seeing herself watched across the classroom by Snape. She was experiencing his feelings of admiration, respect …….desire?
"STOP!"
The image vanished. The face of Professor Snape was clear before her once more. He was breathing deeply, his wand flung upwards, a strange expression on his features.
Hermione tried to get her breathing under control. Her legs felt weak and without asking permission she sank into a chair by the side of the desk. What was that? She looked up at Snape who she knew well enough now to recognise when he was trying to conceal his feelings under a false calm.
Snape now spoke coolly as though nothing had just happened.
"I think Miss Granger, that we have both had enough for this evening. We will reconvene for another session in two days time. Please practise clearing your mind of emotions and memories before you go to sleep each night and I expect see some little improvement when we next meet.
Good Night, Miss Granger!"
T.B.C.
Authors Note: This Chapter grew just too big and so has been split into two. "Occlumency with Snape: Part Deux" will be posted in a couple of days.
West Dean