Story: Running Circles
Rating: PG-13..a ficlet
Disclaimer: Dont own anything :)
Summary:Sam realized that he had spend so long running that he didnt realize that it was all one big circle back to Dean.
Running Circles
Sam hated the road, and it was his life. Now, it was one long drive after another, motel rooms and a Impala, with a brother who probably hated him as much as he loved him. He thought that Stamford would save him from this life. That being smart,that Jess would be his way out. He should of known better. It didnt.
He was know back with a brother whose relationship he destroyed. He ruined it. Dean would call, he wouldnt call back. He didnt know why, maybe it was the guilt, the fear.
The thing was, Dean was everything. He was his protector, his savior, his mother, his best friend all rolled into one. Dean was more then his brother, he was the other half of his sould. Jess his heart, Dean his soul. And he almost died. Almost losing his made him realize that he was back to where he was before he left for Stamford. Back to a place that it had taken so long to leave.
That a life without Dean was possible. Now, he knew it wasnt.
He wished he would talk to him. He worried that Dean keeping all those emotions he had inside who explode one day. He almost Lost Dean that day.
At the moment, they had finally stopped at Shitty Motel # a million, Sam muttered I feel sick and rocketed himself out of the car, to the side of the motel, throwing up everything till there was nothing left.
He had almost lost Dean. Maybe at Stamford, it just didnt seem real and now, being back, it was. It was real. All this was real.
Sam realized that he had spend so long running that he didnt realize that it was all one big circle back to Dean.
Why did Dean except it, damnit. he was going to give up and make Sam live a life without him, a reality that he would never let happen again.
"You ok?" Dean asked, coming from nowhere, standing next to him.
"Yea, something I ate"
"Fine. We're in Room 303."
Sam felt should of felt that Dean didnt care, that he just walked away, but thats what he did, walk away. It seemed that Dean was punishing him, but needing him to stay at the same time trying to see what it would take for him to run away.
He wanted to tell Dean that he would never run away again, that he would be there till Dean was whether it be a week, month, a year or for the rest of his life. At first that scared and then he realized he really didnt hae anything else. He has nothing at Stamford, Jess was gone...
and Dean was it. He just wished Dean could know it.
When he finally got back to the room, Dean had passed out with the tv on, fully clothed. He took off his sneakers and his coat off, turned off the lights and feeel into bed.
And then there was screaming.
Fire
Jess.
Dean.
Their Mother.
So real he could feel their burning flesh.
Suddenly, he felt strong arms wrap around him, wrapping arms around him, rocking him back and forth, running hus hands through his hair, whispering, "its ok Sammy, its ok...im here". He wrapped his arms around Dean, holding as tight as he could, wishing he could crawl into Dean, so he could protect him from all the monsters in the world.
"you...dream...die...jess...fire...dream...you...di---di----die...died", he choked out, so Dean to lean down to hear him.
"Hey", he said, picking up his face so he could stare into Deans eyes. " Im sorry about before. I know I dont say it, I do love so Sammy and I promise to you I will never, ever give up again...I just.. I love ya Sammy and Im sorry you dont know that.." he let out a choke laugh and wiped Sams tears.
With that Sam lost it again.. He vaguely remembered Dean laying him down, and Dean trying to go to his own bed, but Sam held on , needing to hear Deans voice lulling him to sleep.
Aftet that night, Sam noticed that Dean would laugh more, try to hug him more and smile, like he let go off all that anger he had towards Sam.
A week later, when they stopped to full up on gas, Sam then leaned over to the window. Dean with standing, pumping gas, gumming to himslef.
"Dean"
"Yea Sammy"
"I just well..I wanted..I..." How did he word this. Thank you for being her, for caring for not dying, for forgiving me, for keeping me alive, for being all that I. That I will never leave you ever again?"
"Sammy", he then just looked at him, with content eyes and his smile was more real then he had seen in months.
"I know. Same goes for me", and then he turned and walked into pay.
Sam leaned back and smiled. They were together. He was more sure that this was where he wanted, needed and was content to be,
He was done running in circles.
I hope you like it :)
Review..love it, love me :)
Jamie