A\N: I don't own Naruto or The Elder Scrolls. If I did, I doubt they'd have been as successful.
A huge thanks to my beta-readers, GwendolynStacy, Duesal Bladesinger, fishebake, To Mockingbird and baurus.
It was a beautiful day in Whiterun. Skyrim had not seen even one bit of snow in over a hundred years and ninja didn't exist.
Two figures were entering the gates, aching from pain in their muscles. It wasn't the kind of pain caused by wounds, but from the strain of all the loot they were carrying. In their last expedition, they had looted everything that wasn't bolted to the floor. And part of the floor as well, since it was made of dwemer metal.
"Look! It's the Dragonborn!" one of the children playing along the main street cried. There was much cheering. "And his brother, too!"
"Oh, I feel soooo important," said brother muttered from under his very long and neatly-trimmed beard.
"Aw come on, it's not their fault if you don't have a cool title to be known by," Conrad chuckled.
"Nevermind the fact that I've been there with you all the way," his brother muttered. "I killed half of those dragons, you know?"
"I know, I was there," he nodded. It wasn't fair, and it happened everywhere they went. "I'm sorry."
"It's not your fault, Conrad. I'm just saying that it would be nice if people didn't call us 'the Dragonborn and the other guy'."
"Don't worry, we'll figure out something the people can remember," he said, hoping to cheer up his brother.
"Like what?"
Curses. Conrad had not planned this far ahead. "I don't know, something like… Trollbane? What do you think about Trollbane?"
"I'll pass, thanks."
"It could be the Trollbane," Conrad continued, while a shopkeeper bought all the loot even if it was mostly stuff they would never be able to sell to their usual customers. "Or maybe something about vampires? We killed a lot of vampires together after all."
"Like… the Vampirebane?"
"I was thinking more along the lines of Leech Slayer," Conrad admitted, which finally made his brother laugh a little. Just as planned!
"Somehow, I doubt that would sound impressive as Dragonborn," his brother said while picking up half of the many gold pouches. Conrad picked the other half.
"You never know, though. It may grow on you," he said, before waving farewell to the shopkeeper. "Thanks for buying our valuable junk, see you next week!"
"I'm pretty sure that we can't really choose titles like that, anyway," his brother said as they went back outside. "I mean, you didn't choose to be the Dragonborn, but the bards still spread your name in their songs."
"You're right… we'll bribe a bard to spread the tales of your adventures, then!" Conrad exclaimed, holding up the newly-acquired sacks of coins. "And drink mead while we're at it, maybe get a wench or two andー"
"Er, I'll pass on that too, sorry."
That made Conrad pause. "You're passing over the chance of getting mead?!"
"No, no," his brother reassured him. "We have to celebrate the last quest we completed, mead is completely necessary. I'll just pass on the last thing."
"... why?"
"I'm… seeing someone," his twin finally admitted.
There was a long pause before Conrad let out a heartfelt laugh.
"Hey, don't laugh! I'm serious!"
"If you say so. So, who's the lucky woman?" Conrad asked after he finally calmed down.
"You don't know her, but we've known each other for a while."
"I see… Does it mean that my little brother is getting hitched?"
"Conrad, we don't know which one of us is the older twin. Mom and Dad forgot, remember?"
"Come on, I'm just teasing you a little," he said with a smile, patting his brother's shoulder. "Don't worry, whatever your intentions are, I've got your back. Like always."
"Yeah… too bad that didn't happen, right?"
Something about how those words were said made Conrad look up. His brother didn't have a beard anymore. They weren't in Whiterun anymore either. They were in a clearing, surrounded by tall trees. The sunny sky was gone, replaced by the cold night.
He turned back to his brother, only to see that they weren't alone anymore. A woman with long red hair was standing by him.
They both gave him a smile. Conrad didn't know why. He was just standing there like a fool, not understanding what was going on.
Then a giant claw skewered them both, like they were pieces of meat on a kebab.
Conrad yelled something, but he didn't hear any sound coming from his mouth. He couldn't move to help. He couldn't move at all. He couldn't look away as he saw the colossal hand covered in orange fur with claws that could dwarf a troll, and the massive creature it belonged to.
How they weren't dead yet, Conrad didn't know. The wound was so massive that it should've killed them on the spot. For some reason, they were clinging to life a bit longer.
"I'm sorry, brother," Minato said with a sad smile as he started making some signs with his hands. "It would've been a good life. But it's not what happened."
The woman, Kushina, looked Conrad in the eyes. "Take care of him for us, okay?"
As if knowing his parents were talking about him, a baby started crying at their feet. A baby with a wisp of blond hair and whisker-like birthmarks on his face. The giant claw had stopped barely a few inches from him.
When Minato's hands stopped, a spectral figure with a grotesque aspect appeared, and the being that had killed Conrad's brother and his wife roared in rage.
Conrad opened his eyes, feeling cold sweat all over his body. He took a few breaths to calm himself down, staring at the ceiling. What in the name of Oblivion had he just seen?
He checked the strange yet familiar surroundings, still confused. The room had an odd smell. There was a lot of strange machinery all around the bed he was laying on, emitting sounds and beeps. The place was too well-lit to be a Dwemer ruin, though. And the bed wasn't a slab of rock. Then it hit him.
Konoha. He wasn't in Skyrim, he had just dreamt that. He was in Konoha, in their big fancy hospital. He felt some dread forming, and immediately went to check his face. Thankfully, his fingers revealed that the healers had not shaved him this time.
His relief was very brief though, for his beard was clearly longer to the touch.
"How long have I been asleep?" he croaked to the empty room despite his painfully dry throat. Why was he here in the first place? Something had happened, something important.
Then his eyes fell on the ring around his left middle finger. His mother's ring.
"The boy!" Conrad exclaimed, trying to get up as quickly as he could. He immediately regretted it. Everything felt like he had been put through a dozen tavern brawls at once and the mother of all hangovers. He decided to compromise with just sitting for now.
As he sat, Conrad felt something tugging at his nose and arms. A series of strings was connected to his arms and chest. Something rubbery was partially inserted into his nostrils. And a sack full of a transparent liquid was suspended a bit above his bed, connected to his right arm with a transparent tube.
Conrad started pulling at them, grumbling about shinobi and his personal opinion about things being stuffed all over his body without asking for permission. The beeping noises around him suddenly became a single, louder shriek. He had just the time to wonder if that was a bad thing when the door slammed open, revealing a dark-haired woman that by the looks of it had just ran as if her life depended on it.
"You… you're awake! What are you doing?!" she exclaimed, getting over the surprise of seeing him up. "Lie down!"
"Where's the boy? Is he alright?!" he asked. The woman gently pushed him back on the bed with little effort. Why was he so weak?
"You've been in a coma for two weeks, Harissen-san. Your muscles are slightly atrophied," she explained, seeing his bewildered expression. Then she started reconnecting the things that Conrad had taken off his arms. The unholy shrieking ceased, turning back to its usual beeping noises. "Naruto-kun is fine, he's been visiting you every day. I'm sure he'll come see you as soon as he hears you're awake."
The boy was fine. That was good. "What happened?" he managed to croak.
"I wasn't in the village two weeks ago一"
"City," Conrad pointed out.
"I'm sorry?"
"It's too large for being a village or a town, so it's a city."
The look on the woman's face said she clearly didn't care, but was too polite to say so. "I wasn't in Konoha two weeks ago, but I've read the reports. Two missing-nin attacked Naruto-kun and his teammate, Uchiha Sasuke. You intervened and, well… here you are."
"But the boys are alright?" he asked again.
"Yes, they're fine," she replied as she busied herself with some of the strange medical equipment, which she reattached to his chest. She looked like she knew what she was doing, so he let her. "A bit distressed because of what happened to you, but they're fine. It was very brave of you."
Conrad blinked in confusion. Brave of him? He was just protecting his kin, his blood. And the boy's little friend too, he guessed. This wasn't exactly something to be praised over.
He had lost the fight, anyway.
Before he could ask something else, the door burst open once again.
"Uncle, don't die! Don't一!" Naruto wailed, before stopping and gaping at what he saw. "You're alive?!"
His teammates filed in after him, similarly amazed. That annoyed him.
"Of course I'm alive!" Conrad grumbled indignantly. Honestly, these little brats. Thinking one little street fight was enough to do him in. "I'll have you know I一"
He never finished that sentence, as an orange projectile knocked the wind right out of him in a desperate hug. Conrad felt his body aching in protest, but didn't say anything as he realised that the boy was shaking, trying to hold back his hiccups.
Not really sure what to do, Conrad patted him on the head, hoping it would feel comforting. After a moment Naruto seemed to calm down, so Conrad guessed that he was doing it correctly.
"Naruto-kun, be careful. You're crushing him," the healer gently told the boy. Naruto seemed to realise only then the discomfort he was causing his uncle and, after drying off his tears on his sleeve, got off from him. "You can all stay, but try to not tire him, alright? He needs rest."
"I've slept for two weeks, I don't need 'rest'!" Conrad scoffed. Just a few potions and he'd manage.
"I can see you'll be a difficult patient," the woman sighed. "Well, you're not going into cardiac arrest and I still have to finish my rounds." And with that, she strode out of the door, stopping only to greet the man that was hovering by the exit. "Hatake-san."
"Shizune," the jonin greeted back, his single eye not leaving Conrad.
"Did you finally decide to stop avoiding me?" Conrad asked him once the healer was gone.
Kakashi answered with a shrug. "I guess I did."
Conrad almost shot a snide remark at that, but refrained himself. If some stranger had shown up with Tolfdir or Esbern's face and got accepted by all his acquaintances, he was sure that he'd would've avoided them as well. Or attacked them and demanded an explanation. That was an option too, and he was surprised Kakashi had not taken that route.
He probably had asked the Hokage.
"So, what happened two weeks ago?" he asked, turning back towards Naruto. Instead of giving him a direct answer, the boy started recounting the whole fight from the beginning, as if Conrad had not taken part in it. He also used a lot of sound effects and what sounded like a very bad impression of the blue-skinned ninja.
Conrad had to suppress a grimace when he was reminded about what happened to the shops, realising he had lost control of the Dragon Aspect during the fight. The boy reassured him that nobody was hurt.
Still, he made a mental note to ask Inoichi about that shark guy. From what the Yamanaka had told him, there were only humans in Akavir, despite what the chronicles back at home said. But there was no way that ninja was a man.
"And then I used Grandma's ring to save Iruka-sensei!" Naruto exclaimed, pointing at the ring on Conrad's finger. He nodded, satisfied that the boy had been quick on his feet. Maybe he could thank Iruka for protecting Naruto and his friend, even if he trained child soldiers for a living. "After he got better, I asked for it back, I thought it could help you, but一"
"Boy, I meant how did I pass out," Conrad patiently clarified.
"Oh. Well, er, you were about to chop the shark guy's head off, then Itachi, you know, the other guy, Sasuke's brother一"
"Naruto!" the girl hissed as she elbowed the boy.
"What? He is!" he protested.
"Yes, he is, but…" she trailed off, giving a worried glance at Sasuke.
"Whatever," the other boy said sullenly. "He's right."
"Your brother attacked you both?"
"... Yes," Sasuke admitted, seething. There was a story there, but Conrad felt like it wasn't the time or place to ask about it. Maybe later, after he had his bearings.
"I hope you'll make him pay for that, then," he said, which seemed to surprise the young Uchiha. "How did he knock me out, though? I remember his eyes, and then…"
"He sorta… jumped in front of you and looked you in the eyes for a couple of seconds. Then you fell down."
Conrad couldn't help but feel a bit embarrassed by that. From his point of view, he had been stabbed a lot, without a moment of respite, for three days. It hadn't been real, but it still stung a bit.
"I see," he finally said. At least he could take satisfaction in the fact that he didn't talk, no matter how much the other Uchiha had stabbed him. "So, why were those two after you?"
Naruto looked him straight in the eyes for a few seconds before chuckling nervously. "Wha-what do you mean? They weren't after me, that's ridiculous一"
"Boy," Conrad said sternly. "I know you didn't tell me something. I don't know what it is, but I'm not stupid."
For a good half minute, the room remained silent with the exception of the hospital machinery. Naruto shifted his weight uncomfortably, before looking at his teammates again. "Can I… can we be left alone? I'd like to tell him on my own."
"Are you sure?" the pink-haired girl asked, voice full of worry. "Because if you need support..."
"Yeah, it's fine. Don't worry, Sakura-chan."
"You know, Sakura, Sasuke... it's almost lunchtime," Kakashi observed. "Why don't we go buy some ramen for Naruto?"
"Ramen? Really?" Conrad snided. But his heart wasn't really into it. And he was kind of hungry anyway.
"Don't worry, we'll bring something for you too, Harissen-san!" Kakashi said in a way-too-chipper voice to be genuine. "Of course, it will mostly just be broth. I don't think you're ready for solid food yet."
The girl gave Naruto an encouraging pat on the shoulder, while Sasuke just offered a nod as they walked out of the room, followed by their sensei. Conrad and his nephew were now alone.
"So…" he said, crossing his arms expectantly after a few moments of being silent.
"So," Naruto repeated, crossing his own arms in a way that almost mirrored Conrad's gesture. A quiet, awkward silence followed again as the boy was clearly not sure where to start from.
He sighed. "Boy, I'm not going to be angry. I just think you should tell me what that was all about. I know it's not because you're your father's son."
"Oh, I'm not worried about you being mad!" Naruto grinned at him, which surprised Conrad. "I just… I just can't believe it!"
Wait, what? "Believe what?" Conrad asked. It was as if the worry he had seen on the boy's face earlier had all but evaporated.
"I think that I'm like you!" he declared, sounding relieved for having said it and looking at him with a huge grin and hopeful eyes.
Never so few words had caused the instant dread Conrad was feeling at the moment. It must have shown a little, because the boy's smile faltered just for a second. Like him? What did the boy mean? He couldn't possibly mean that he was Dragonborn as well… did the shinobi even remember about the Dragonborns or the dragonslayers of old?
"What… what do you mean, Naruto?" he finally asked, stalling for time as he tried to recall the lore about himself and his predecessors.
"Well, we're both Jinchuuriki of course!" the boy said as if it was the most obvious thing ever.
"Boy, I have no idea what that is," he said honestly. Although the word stirred something in a corner of his memory.
"W-what?!" the boy sputtered, the hope in his eyes replaced by confusion. "But I saw you! You had this… tail of chakra swishing behind you and everything! That means you have a tailed beast inside you, too! How many tails does it have?!"
Conrad opened his mouth, then closed it and considered. "Boy, I don't use chakra. And that wasn't a beast. That was me." Naruto just looked at him with wide eyes.
"What do you mean, that was you? Tell me一"
"Oh no you don't!" Conrad interrupted, pointing a finger at the boy's face. "We're not talking about me, we're talking about you and your secret that almost got us both killed. What does that word, Jin…?"
"Jinchuuriki," Naruto mumbled, looking down.
Jinchuuriki. 'Human sacrifice'. But that couldn't be literal, the boy was still alive and kicking after all. "Right. What does it mean?" he asked. Naruto seemed to hesitate. "Boy, you already said enough to make me worry. Spit it out already."
The boy looked at him with wide, almost fearful eyes before taking a deep breath. "It means I have a monster sealed inside of me," he said in a hurry.
Conrad remained silent for a moment. Maybe he had not understood what the boy meant. Yeah, that was probably it. "Explain."
"Remember when the Old Man told you how Dad died? Well… he… lied," Naruto hesitantly admitted, almost as if he was uncomfortable at the idea that the Hokage he admired could do such a thing. "Dad did die to stop the Kyuubi, the Nine-Tailed Fox that attacked Konoha, but he didn't kill it. You can't kill them. He had to seal it away instead, and… he sealed it in me."
"Sealed. In you," Conrad repeated. He must have misunderstood. Surely he misunderstood… there was no way the creature was actually inside of the boy.
"Yeah," Naruto nodded. "It's like, uh… remember how grandma's sword is magical? Well, it's like that. The magic is inside the sword. Right?"
It was very much not like that, but Conrad didn't voice his reasoning. Mostly because he didn't want to worry the boy. Enchanting an item and sealing an entity somewhere were two very different yet equally ugly beasts. Conrad had read a lot of tomes in his travels and in his time spent in the Arcanaeum.
While rare, it was known for the ghosts of the dead, spirits, Deadra and even the Aedra to be sealed inside a vessel of some kind. Or to possess a mortal for a reason or another. The accounts varied, but it was usually not a good deal for the mortal in question.
And Minato had sealed a powerful… thing, whatever it was, in his newborn baby.
"This… Kyuubi. Can you describe it to me?" Conrad slowly asked.
"Describe him? I mean, uh, I think he's a he," Naruto wondered
"I don't care what he has between his legs, boy. Just tell me what he looks like," he pressed on, hoping that Naruto could dispel the foreboding sensation that he already knew the answer.
"Alright, alright. He's as tall as the Hokage Monument, maybe even taller," Naruto started, but Conrad already understood. He remembered a roar fit to shake the roots of mountains, and a presence so vile it burned at the soul, and he knew the memory was not his. "He has orange fur, angry red eyes… And he has, like, nine tails. That's why he's called the Nine Tails, ya know?"
"And giant hands and claws as long as trees?" he couldn't help but ask.
"Yeah! How did you know?"
"Nevermind that, I must have read it somewhere," Conrad dismissed the question, pinching his nose. He could see his brother and sister-in-law's demise in his mind as clear as if he'd been there that night. "Alright… how did he seal it in you?"
"Hang on," Naruto got up to unzip his orange and blue jacket, then pulled up his shirt to reveal his belly button. Despite Conrad's puzzlement, the boy closed his eyes and focused for a few seconds. An inky black spiral motif appeared on Naruto's belly, surrounded by an array of symbols. "See? That's the seal Dad used."
Conrad inspected the seal, being mindful to not touch it. It reminded him of what he had learned about magical runes and ritualistic magic. The latter wasn't something he was very well-versed in, but academic interest had to wait.
"Laas Yah Nir," he whispered, the power of the Thu'um enhancing his sight and giving him the ability to see the boy's very soul as a luminous aura around his body. Much to Conrad's shock, it was eclipsed by the bright, fiery aura surrounding the seal. It was like staring at an angry sun. He could swear that something was glaring back at him through the seal, like an animal from behind a cage's bars.
He snarled back, refusing to blink for it would've been an admission of weakness. The aura contorted itself, giving him a sensation akin to gleaming fangs, and for a second Conrad could swear he was hearing the deep, low growl of one predator warning away another. He felt a growl escape from his throat as well, his dragon soul answering the challenge.
A heartbeat later, the effect of the shout was over, and Conrad's vision returned to normal.
"Uncle?" the boy asked nervously, making Conrad snap out of it.
"Sorry, I was just thinking," he lied, his mind a storm of activity. He could get angry later. Conrad had never witnessed an exorcism on a living being, and he wasn't a priest. Still, he knew enough about magic that he was sure he could come up with something after a few weeks of research. "So, this creature is the reason two powerful shinobi would attack you in broad daylight?"
"More than two," Naruto corrected.
"What," Conrad flatly said.
"Ero-Sennin said that Itachi and the shark-guy are part of a group called Akatsuki," Naruto continued, either oblivious to or willfully ignoring his uncle's rising stress.
Akatsuki. 'Dawn', an odd name for a group. Some kind of cult, maybe? Like the Mythic Dawn? No, that didn't make any sense. The daedric influence on this continent was abysmal, at least for now. "Who are they?"
"Some powerful shinobi that did a lot of bad stuff. Ero-Sennin said that they're tracking down the Jinchuuriki to capture them, but he doesn't know why yet."
So his nephew was being hunted by a group of extremely dangerous people for the monster sealed inside him when he was a baby. Damn it, Minato...
"Alright, alright…" Conrad took a few deep breaths. "How do we get it out of you?"
"What?!" Naruto squeaked in a panic, covering the seal with his shirt as if to stop Conrad from trying then and there. There was genuine fear in the boy's eyes, much to Conrad's shock. "Uncle, no! We can't!"
"Why?" he demanded. "Because the Hokage doesn't want to? Who cares about一"
"Uncle, I'll die if you take it away! That's what Akatsuki wants to do!" Naruto yelled in a panic.
Conrad chewed on this last piece of information in silence. Of course. Nothing could ever be easy for him. He wasn't even sure why he was surprised. "Are you… sure about that?" he asked. Surely there was a way to help the boy with this. To stop such dangerous people from hunting him down.
"Yes! Ero-Sennin told me, and he's like an expert on seals and stuff."
"Fine, nevermind that," he said. Conrad had to admit that he didn't know enough about ninja magical seals to decide if Jiraiya was an expert or not, but if the boy's life was on the line he didn't want to risk it. Not until he had checked if the magic of Tamriel could help. Maybe he could ask Serana's opinion. "What does it mean to be a Jinchuuriki?"
"Well, it means that I heal faster," Naruto explained. "Not as quickly as grandma's ring, but it helps! And I convinced the damn Fox to give me his chakra too!" … Was it just him or did the boy seem proud of that?
Wait a minute.
"You talk to that thing?!" Conrad demanded, firmly grabbing his nephew's shoulders. "What does it say to you?!" Nothing good could come out of speaking with something like that. Far too many times had he seen men and women driven mad by insidious whispers, dark urgings beyond mortal ken. A voice like that in his nephew's head scared him more than the idea of facing a Daedric Prince in its own realm.
"Once!" Naruto protested, getting himself free. "I talked to him only once!"
"What did it say to you?!" Conrad repeated, more urgently this time.
"Nothing much, really," the boy said once he'd wriggled away, scratching the back of his head nervously. "I found myself inside of the seal, and一"
"Inside of the seal?" Conrad interrupted, alarmed all over again. This conversation was not good for his stress, and the hospital's machine seemed to agree with that assessment, the beeps picking up speed and volume. "You can go inside of it?!"
He grabbed at Naruto again, but the boy dodged with a startled squeak. "Gah! Uncle, quit it!"
Conrad stopped, then leaned back in his bed, suddenly feeling nauseous from the movement. That, and Naruto wasn't going to give him answers if he was panicking. Damn it all. One breath, two breaths…
"So," Conrad said. "You can go inside the seal."
"Not literally, it was like… a vision, or something like that! Let me finish, okay?" Naruto said with an annoyed look. "Anyway, yeah. I found this big cage with the Kyuubi inside of it. He was all, like, er... angry, and he wanted to kill me. But I forced him to give me his chakra, since he owed me rent for living in my body for free all this time and making my life hell!"
Conrad relaxed slightly as he heard that Naruto was able to command the beast. Maybe it was like a bound daedra, but sealed away. Forced to obey its host, somehow. Then he registered the rest of his nephew's words. "Back in the market… when people were glaring at you. They know?"
"Huh... yeah. Everyone in Konoha knows. Well, all the grown-ups. Except for Sasuke and Sakura-chan, I kinda had to tell them," Naruto explained. He didn't know how to feel about the fact that the boy had told his little friends before telling him. "Oh and Gaara, I guess."
"Who's Gaara?"
"Another Jinchuuriki, from another village. I fought him during the invasion. He... wasn't well. Ero-Sennin said that it may be because his seal was a sloppy job," Naruto looked sad for a moment. "But I think he will be in the future."
The reminder that Naruto was a soldier of this cursed place left a bit of a bad taste in the Nord's mouth, especially since he had found the boy gravely injured after that battle. But it was not the time or the place to talk about that. "I'm sorry to hear that you had to endure such a life, boy. I wish… I wish I could've come sooner," he admitted, looking away in shame.
"Hey, it's not your fault!" Naruto said loudly. "Sure, it sucked, especially since I didn't know why they hated me for so long, but一"
"What do you mean, you didn't know?" Conrad's head snapped immediately to face the boy, doing his best to try to keep his voice even.
Naruto stammered, caught off guard by the sudden focus. "I… I didn't find out until I graduated."
Conrad looked at the boy as he was trying to make things make sense in his head. "Do you mean that you weren't told this secret until you became a… what's your rank again?"
"Genin, but I'll be a chunin for sure, you'll see! Shikamaru won't be able to beat me for long. And one day, I will一"
"You'll become Hokage, yes," Conrad finished for him, rolling his eyes. The boy said that all the time. And given he had read and learned from Inoichi, Naruto actually had a good chance of getting the title one day. After all, pretty much all Kages so far had been either related to each other or had been the students of the previous one. "How did you learn about the Kyuubi?"
"Remember when I told you about Mizuki-sensei?"
"I remember that he's lucky I couldn't get my hands on him," Conrad nodded with a scowl. He recalled how Naruto had told him that this old teacher had tricked him into stealing something and then had attacked him, months before they met.
"Well, he did that because of, well... because of the Fox," Naruto continued, his voice trembling slightly. "He... he hated me. He told me that... that I was the Fox, and that it was my fault so many people died back then!"
"But, that's not your fault!" Conrad snapped, indignation and shock mixed in.
"I know it now, but I didn't then, and the villagers一" Naruto started, but was stopped when Conrad gently stroke one of his cheeks.
"Boy," Conrad said seriously, looking his nephew right in the eyes. "Screw those people."
Naruto's mouth was agape in shock. "But they一"
"They hurt you for something you had no control over. You didn't ask to have a monster sealed inside of you, yet they treated you like dirt for it. Screw those people," he repeated firmly. "Your friends don't care about that. I don't care about that."
The boy looked at him in a mix of shock and wonder before tackling him in another crushing hug. Conrad hugged the boy back, almost as energetically. It was settled. No matter what the Hokage or his successor would decide or say, he was going to take his nephew out of this cesspool of a city. No matter the cost.
"Uncle?" the boy asked, without letting go of him. Conrad grunted, wordlessly telling his nephew to ask his question. "If you're not a Jinchuuriki, what are you?"
Jiraiya had been perched above the window of Harissen-san's room for a while by now.
Enough to hear that Naruto had spilled the beans, at least. While not ideal, both he and Sarutobi-sensei had agreed that it was pretty much inevitable. He couldn't help but smile at hearing how the kid's uncle didn't care about the bijuu.
He could've reported immediately to Sarutob-sensei, but he figured that the old man still needed some time to smooth things with the Iwa ambassadors, the latest addition to Konoha's honored guests. An S-rank battle in the middle of the merchant district of Konoha was bound to get some kind of attention, especially with visiting shinobi in the village.
Jiraiya didn't envy the Hokage, he'd rather fight Orochimaru with only one hand than deal with that kind of mess.
So he remained out there, eavesdropping on a tale about dragon gods, evil dragons that wanted to destroy the world and the ultimate means to stop them. The only thing a dragon would ever fear, a Dovahkiin. Dragonborn.
Jiraiya considered himself a pretty spiritual person. It was buried under his perviness and other things Minato had never approved of, but it came with the territory of being a Sage, visiting Mount Myoboku, talking with a giant prophet toad, studying the forgotten lore about the Sage of the Six Paths and other spiritual stuff that most modern shinobi considered mumbo-jumbo.
Still, Harissen-san's tale would've sounded like a bit of a stretch even for him, at least until a few months ago. But after all the unexpected abilities the foreigners had shown and the intel he had been given about the threat posed by these Daedric Princes, who was he to doubt the beliefs of another culture or to say that their gods didn't exist? Whether or not Harissen Conrad really had the soul of a dragon or if that was just an embellishment to some Nord legend, he had the power to back up that claim.
After all, when was the last time that someone not trained in the ninja ways was able to fight a missing-nin like Hoshigaki Kisame and almost kill him? If the accident had not been contained, Minato's brother would've already become the first S-rank civilian in the Bingo Book.
The story continued, of course, as Harissen-san moved on, explaining all about how he had faced elves, vampires, werewolves and giants. Jiraiya could tell that Naruto was listening in awe, because the kid had barely asked any questions.
That didn't stop him from asking after the story was over, though. "Can you really breathe fire? Are there others like you? Wait, can you turn into a dragon?!" It was like a dam had been broken, as Naruto overwhelmed his uncle with other questions.
That was the state the rest of Team 7 found them, and the sight and scent of ramen was enough to distract Naruto and give his uncle some respite. As promised, they had brought a large bowl of soup for the still recovering Harissen-san. They ate mostly in silence, albeit there was the occasional question between the two parties.
Rather than trying to understand what Naruto had been blabbing about, though, everyone seemed to be trying to figure out if Harissen-san had taken the news well. Mostly the girl and Kakashi. From what Jiraiya could tell, the Uchiha was still shaken from the meeting with his brother, and talked only if involved in the discussion. Maybe he should keep an eye on him; Orochimaru had put his cursed seal on him, after all, and being attacked by Itachi could have weakened the dampener that had been placed on it.
Still, Jiraiya was sure that the last Uchiha loyal to the village wanted to ask a lot of questions of his own, but seemed to refrain because of his teammates. That was curious.
In the end, the polite attempts to ask if Harissen-san was really fine with knowing that his nephew was a Jinchuuriki seemed to erode whatever patience he had left. "Yes, I already told you, I don't care. I just can't believe I was being kept in the dark for so long!"
"That wasn't our secret to tell, Harissen-san," Kakashi countered, to which the foreigner had nothing to say.
A little after that, Shizune returned to check on her patient and politely shoo the others out. Everyone said goodbyes and assured that they would visit again, bringing Harissen-san's students as well.
A few minutes later there was a shrill, unmanly shriek as Minato's brother discovered the existence of catheters. Jiraiya winced in sympathy. Then tried to not laugh as Shizune explained that it was nothing to be ashamed of and that she had pretty much seen everything already when she had to take care of him when he was unconscious.
"I can go to the bathroom by myself now!" the man protested loudly, sounding a bit desperate. Jiraiya could hear him mutter something in his native language long after Shizune had left.
While hearing his embarrassment was amusing, Jiraiya knew that he should probably report to the Hokage.
"Are you coming inside or not?" Harissen-san called from the room, just as he was about to jump away. Busted.
Opening the window he sled inside easily despite his large frame. "How did you know I was there?"
"You have a soul just like everyone else," Minato's brother explained, as if detecting souls was a mundane skill. The man was a sensor, too?! And from the sound of it, not a normal one either. "I figured that it was either an ANBU or you."
"So… you know, now," Jiraiya stated, knowing that the man was the kind of person that despised dancing in circles.
"Now I know," he nodded, looking Jiraiya in the eyes. He did not look pleased. Not at all.
"Is there anything you want to ask me?" he asked, pretty sure he could answer any questions Naruto's uncle may have.
"Yes. Take me to see the Hokage," the man said with a determined, cold expression.
Jiraiya hesitated. That wasn't what he had meant, and found himself facing a tough choice. On one hand, he knew that his sensei was busy. On the other hand, he was pretty sure that if he didn't help Harissen Conrad, the man would probably steal a pair of crutches and march all the way to the Hokage tower still wearing the hospital gown and dare anyone to stop him, causing a scene.
And Jiraiya still wanted to be involved in his godson's life when this was over. He guessed that he could always make him wait until the Iwa-nin had left the tower. "Let me find you some clothes first," Jiraiya sighed.
"You wish to remain in Konoha until my successor is nominated?" Sarutobi leaned back on his chair, ensuring that the Iwa ambassador would get to see his missing leg. As a reminder that he had been crippled in a battle where Konoha had rescued the Tsuchikage's granddaughter. Was it petty? Yes. But it was pettiness that served a purpose.
"Indeed," the diplomat nodded. He was a ninja old enough to be a veteran of the second shinobi war, and didn't even glance at Hiruzen's menomation. Right behind him, the Iwa team that had infiltrated the Chunin Exams were doing their best to either appear grateful or ignore the ambassador's bodyguards standing by either side of them. "After all, we were forced to remain here for the last two weeks, to, shall we say, smooth out the details. I don't see why remaining in Konoha for a few more days would be a problem."
"I wouldn't say 'forced'," Sarutobi said, unblinking. "After all, there was a serious incident the day of your arrival. We had to ensure that whoever was responsible wouldn't make another attempt at your life. And, I may add, you were left able to contact your village to inform them of this unpleasant business."
The attack of course had nothing to do with the foreigner shinobi, but they didn't need to know that.
"Quite generous of you, Hokage-sama," the Iwa-nin said in a way that hid how little he believed his own words. "But wouldn't you agree that having a representation from Iwa at the nomination of your successor will help the troubled relationship between our two villages?"
At that, Sarutobi gave a calculated glance to his current candidates. It wasn't exactly a secret who they would be. Tsunade was sitting nearby, utterly unamused by having to play the part of a living prop for this diplomatic meeting. It had been one of the conditions he imposed on her to stay if she wanted access to the new alchemical research.
As for Jiraiya… well, Jiraiya had sent a shadow clone in his place, who was just posturing by standing tall at his side with his arms crossed. That said a lot about how eager the two of them were to fulfill his seat.
He had been suggested to summon Danzo as well, just to show more possible successors. But Sarutobi figured that his old friend didn't need any strokes to his ego, especially after what he had tried to pull off during the invasion.
"It's a very unusual request, I don't think there's a precedent for shinobi from outside of the village to be present at the inauguration of a new Kage from another one."
"Given the circumstances of your imminent retirement, it seems fitting. After all, Iwa and Konoha shinobi fought on the same side for the first time since the founding of our villages," the ambassador smiled politely.
"I see what you mean," Sarutobi admitted. Iwa obviously wanted to gauge the personality of the next Hokage and how the village reacted to their nomination. Trust Onoki to try to get an advantage when he should've been thanking the fact that Konoha didn't want to use his granddaughter as leverage… at least, not to the extent Sarutobi could have. "But I think we could discuss it after we finish going over the other matters."
"Of course, Hokage-sama. Now, I believe we were supposed to discuss a potential liaison position一" the ambassador stopped as someone started arguing outside.
"You promised that you'd wait!" someone yelled. He recognised it as Jiraiya's voice despite the door muffling the sounds. Tsunade gave a look to the man's shadow clone, who just shrugged.
"I lied. Deal with it, you old toad. Your kind does it all the time!" another voice sneered. Hiruzen realised with dread that he knew that voice. But it couldn't be. He was in a coma.
"I'm not letting you go through this door!" Jiraiya said.
"You can try," the other voice scoffed.
Sarutobi stiffened. He wouldn't dare.
"Feim Zii Gron!"
He dared.
Harissen Conrad, the Yondaime's brother and the latest headache Konoha had to deal with, just passed through the door like a ghost straight out of Sarutobi's nightmares, in full view of a bunch of Iwa shinobi. At least he had not demolished the walls outright.
"So," the man slammed an equally ethereal crutch to the ground, looking straight at Sarutobi and ignoring everyone else. "Did you think I would just smile when I found out, Old Man?"
"Excuse me, ambassador, but it seems I have to deal with an urgent matter," Sarutobi said quickly, in a last ditch effort to distract the ninja from Iwa as the real Jiraiya opened the door and tried to grab Minato's brother to take him away. Sadly, the man seemed to be intangible. "Maybe we should reschedule in a few一"
"The Yondaime Hokage's ghost," one of the Iwa-nin choked. For a heartbeat, nobody said anything. Then chaos exploded in his office.
"It's a trap!" Kurotsuchi, Onoki's granddaughter, cried out in alarm, her hands going for weapons she wasn't wearing. One of her teammates seemed to be on the point of soiling his pants, the other one was trying to find an exit without taking his eyes away from the foreigner and the jonin that commanded their little spying mission started having visible tremors as she slowly got on her feet.
As for the ambassador, he seemed to have frozen in place, half turned towards the door and with an expression resembling a drowning fish.
Sarutobi felt his blood pressure skyrocket. This couldn't be happening. This was a disaster. If a fight started in his office during a diplomatic meeting, one that had been arranged by Konoha, there was only one outcome. War. The Hyuuga Affair would look tame in comparison.
Didn't Harissen-san realize that these people were Minato's enemies? Did he know that they would harm Naruto if given a chance? Did he even care?
"Please, honored guests, I assure you that一"
"DIE!" the jonin yelled, catapulting herself at the ethereal Nord, aiming a roundhouse kick at his neck. Her leg passed straight through him, and he looked at her in confusion, even as she kept striking vital points with what would've been crippling taijutsu strikes.
"Ambassador一!"
"You killed my brother!" the jonin screamed, drowning Sarutobi's protest. "You killed my friends! You killed一"
Hiruzen didn't hear who else the woman was accusing Minato of having killed, because he saw that, much to his horror, Harrisen-san's mouth was opening. Which meant that either he was about to say something highly inappropriate or use another one of his Shouts, one of the more violent ones, and there was no coming back from that.
He made a quick sign and all the ANBU assigned to protect his office converged on the Iwa-nin, to put an end to this madness. To Sarutobi's surprise, though, it wasn't one of his ninja that restrained the Iwa jonin in the blink of an eye, but the ambassador from her village.
The ninja diplomat whispered something to her, so silently that Sarutobi wasn't able to catch any of it. She didn't try to attack or lash out, but she was clearly spent, her shaky figure all but being held upright by her superior.
The ANBU didn't attack their guests, but the message their presence meant was received loud and clear as the remaining Iwa-nin stood down.
"Honored guests. I accept your proposal to have a representative present for the coronation of the new Hokage. For now, please enjoy your accommodations," Sarutobi gestured towards the door, as if nothing had happened.
"We are grateful, Hokage-sama," the ambassador said in a dead voice, giving a bow that was perfectly polite. He spoke to Hiruzen, but his eyes never left Harrisen-san. "I can assure you that Iwa and the Tsuchikage will take your other requests into consideration to thank you for the return of his granddaughter."
With that, all the foreigner ninja were escorted out of the room. The Nord didn't even look at the Iwa-nin as they left, dismissing the situation as unimportant as he continued to glare at him.
One of the ANBU closed the door behind them and in that precise instant, Minato's brother lost his ghostly appearance. Hiruzen had to repress his desire of throwing a hail of shuriken towards him.
Jiraiya dispelled the clone with a sigh, as Tsunade seemed to barely be able to not giggle out loud.
"Did you see their faces?" she asked as Harissen-san did a double take as he noticed her for the first time. Sarutobi wondered how this man had survived until adulthood if his rash decisions caused him to not notice his surroundings.
"Tsunade-hime, that's not laughing matter," Jiraiya reminded her.
"Says you," she said, as she gave a proper look at Conrad, who just stared back. "So, this is the mysterious brother… I have a few questions for you."
Instead of asking what kind of questions, though, Harissen Conrad just kept staring at her. In any other circumstances, Hizunen could've been amused.
"Your questions will have to wait, Tsunade," he told her, before turning towards the man and doing his best to not raise his voice. "Do you even realise what you just almost did?"
That seemed to gain the Nord's attention once again. "Do I look like I care?" he shot back, attempting to look menacing despite obviously needing a crutch to stand.
"You very much should, since you could have put Naruto in danger," Hiruzen snapped.
That gave a pause to the barbarian. "What are you talking about?"
"You just barged in my office during a diplomatic meeting with another village一and don't you dare say that it's not a village一that lost thousands of shinobi in the last war. At Minato's hand," Sarutobi quickly clarified, not letting the other man speak before looking at Jiraiya. "Why did you even bring him here?!"
"Oh," Conrad just said, while Jiraiya tried to justify himself. He was still clearly angry, but also angry at himself as the possible consequences of his actions sunk in. Then he just shrugged. "No matter. I'll take care of it if they come."
"Take care of it?" Tsunade couldn't help but speak.
"I kill dragons. I can kill armies by yelling three words very, very loud. I can deal with some ninja who are scared of my face," he boasted. Sarutobi couldn't believe what he was hearing.
"How can you be so arrogant?! A war with Iwa wouldn't be only about you and them, it would bring suffering on all of us! Civilians and shinobi alike. On your nephew's generation!"
"Right, let's talk about the boy!" Conrad snarled. "I have no idea what my oh so great and perfect brother was thinking when he decided to seal a monster inside his own newborn child. I don't understand why everyone in this place, forgotten by Aedra and Daedra alike一"
"Aedra and Daedra?" Tsunade asked Jiraiya, who answered with a quiet 'later'.
"一knows that the boy is a Jinchuuriki. I don't know why no one took care of him for his whole life. But I'm sure it's your fault!"
Sarutobi was well aware of the fact, he even considered it one of his greatest failures. It still stung to have it thrown in his face by Conrad of all people.
"I see that Naruto-kun told you everything," he sighed, lowering his voice hoping that the man's anger would flare out now that he had lashed out against him. "It was a terrible burden to bear, I'm sure you understand."
"A burden that could've easily remained a secret! What in the name of Oblivion is wrong with you?! Are you evil, incompetent, naive, or just senile?!"
Something cold and angry woke up in Sarutobi. "Harrisen-san," he asked, his voice resembling a grinding stone. "Are you here only to rage like the savage you so love to present yourself as? Yes, I made mistakes. I admitted that to you before. But I kept Naruto alive when the world wanted him dead, gone or worse."
Conrad, of course, was as dismissive as ever. "Aye, you kept him alive! And that's it. Don't expect my gratitude for doing the bare minimum."
"I don't expect or want it. Now, if you don't have any other reasons to be here aside from creating a diplomatic incident and insulting me, I will throw you personally in a cell," the Hokage promised.
"Fine," Conrad snarled, glaring at Sarutobi. "Akatsuki. Tell me about them."
Ah. He should've expected that. "They're a mercenary group that has been making waves in the shinobi world. They have very few members, but each of them is a very powerful shinobi as you were able to witness yourself."
"Where are they from?"
"Jiraiya," Sarutobi said, inviting his former student to speak.
"They're very secretive, and good at covering their tracks," the Toad Sage explained, which was an understatement. After all, even his spy network had barely heard of them until recently despite the group being active for years. "Each of them is a missing nin, a desertor, or a traitor of their old village. We have confirmed the identity of some of their members, but we don't know their exact number, or the location of their headquarters… if such a place even exists. What we know is that recently they've started hunting down the Jinchuuriki."
"Why?" Conrad asked. Hiruzen felt like he already knew the answer to that question, though.
"A bijuu一that's what we call creatures like the Kyuubi一is dangerous, but it can be a powerful asset once contained. That's why Jinchuuriki are created," Tsunade offered as an explanation. "Once it was done just to stop the beasts from wandering around unchecked, but…"
"If properly trained, a Jinchuuriki could channel the power of the tailed beast and be almost unstoppable," Sarutobi finished.
At that, the man's rage seemed to flare up. "Is Naruto trained that way?!"
"No. Not yet," Jiraiya replied. Sarutobi knew that his student had plans to help Naruto control the Fox, which he agreed on given how the boy had shown to be able to access its chakra.
"... why not?" the Nord asked, not having expected that. The man clearly thought the worst of them.
"Because I never wanted your nephew to be treated like a weapon. And neither did his father," Sarutobi said, to which Conrad replied with a slow nod of acceptance. Finally, something they both agreed on.
"You said not yet, though," Conrad observed, eyes narrowing.
"Akatsuki will always hunt him for what he is," Jiraiya countered the accusation with a scowl. "Better that we teach him how to use the tools he has at his disposal, including the Kyuubi's chakra."
"... Fine," Conrad acknowledged after a moment. "What about the two that attacked Naruto? Did you find anything from them?"
"No. After you passed out, Uchiha Itachi was able to rescue his partner and flee." And injure quite a few pursuing ANBU to boot, while he was at it.
"They escaped?" Conrad asked, frustrated. "Even if one of them was wounded?"
"Uchiha Itachi is not a normal shinobi, as I'm sure you figured out."
"He's from Konoha, isn't he?"
"Not anymore." Sarutobi rubbed his temple. "He abandoned the village five years ago after wiping out his entire clan, with the exception of young Sasuke, for reasons unknown."
"He's a kinslayer?" The last word was uttered in absolute disgust. "And nobody else survived?"
"None that we knew of… until..." Sarutobi trailed off, glancing at Jiraiya who was shaking his head. His student had figured where he was going with this, and didn't think it was a great idea. Hiruzen found himself agreeing, but the alternative was to have Harissen-san burst through his office doors once again in the future. If the man knew about Naruto's status as Konoha's Jinchuuriki, it was bound to come out sooner or later. Better to just go with it, like when ripping a band-aid. A very serious, S-Rank band-aid.
"Until what?"
"Until your arrival."
"What are you talking about? How's my arrival related to something that happened in Konoha five years ago?"
"I'm sure you remember how Inoichi entered your mind to find out who you are."
"Yes," Conrad grounded out, upset at being reminded that he had been subjected to a mind probe.
"What we never told you is that Inoichi was able to find a message from Minato, hidden inside of your mind," Hiruzen explained.
"My brother put a message in my mind and you didn't tell me?" Conrad asked, sounding strangely neutral.
"You could consider it one last secret we kept from you," the Sandaime started. "The night Naruto was born, the Kyuubi got free and attacked Konoha. But it wasn't an accident as we believed. An individual possessing the Sharingan… the same eyes Itachi has, whose identity was unknown to Minato, attacked them after the birth and released the Kyuubi."
At that, Harissen-san just kept looking at him for a few seconds, before closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. The creak of his knuckles echoed through the office.
"Old man… are you serious?" he asked, almost whispering. Sarutobi felt Tsunade tensing as Conrad slowly walked closer to the desk. "Did you just tell me that you kept from me the fact that someone is behind my brother's death? That you knew for months that Naruto's parents were killed by someone? Why did you think there was any reason for me to not know this?!"
"I lost my wife that night, Harissen-san," Sarutobi icily told him. At that, the barbarian seemed to hesitate, justly chastised. "She was Kushina's midwife. Everyone who was present at Naruto's birth was murdered that night. To say nothing of all the innocent lives lost when the bijuu reached the village."
"That still doesn't answer my questions," Conrad snapped.
"Ah, but you see, Harissen-san… I had two good reasons to not tell you. The first one is that we have no leads yet. Only what Minato's ghost had left for Inoichi inside of your head. Making you aware of it would've served no purpose, aside from making you stomp around like you own the place and ruining our chances to find the truth."
"And the second one?" Conrad demanded.
"I neither trust nor like you," Sarutobi admitted. It wasn't like it was a secret, but oh did it feel good to say it to the man's face.
"That's good, I don't like you either," his current headache admitted.
"I was already aware of that," Sarutobi told him.
"Good, we know where we stand with each other. So, the person that caused all those deaths was an Uchiha," the Nord spoke, a calculating spark in his eyes. "But if this Itachi killed his whole clan…"
"I doubt that the man that caused the Kyuubi's attack died that night. He was able to go toe to toe with your brother, after all."
"Maybe Itachi had an accomplice," Jiraiya suggested. "But all the members of the clan were accounted for."
"I have no horses in this race, but there's no guarantee it was an Uchiha, either," Tsunade told them. "It could've been someone with a stolen Sharingan."
That made Conrad pause and blink. "Wait. Your people steal eyes?" he asked her.
"Oh, it's a rare occurrence, but it can be done," Tsunade nodded, not mentioning that the rarity had more to do with how the clans lucky enough to have a doujutsu would defend it. Sarutobi had to recognise that the act itself would be quite bizarre already for a civilian. "Some, like the Sharingan, are quite prized objects."
After staring at her for a few seconds, he just shook his head, muttering something in his language that was probably not very polite towards shinobi. "What did Minato tell you about this man?"
"He wore a mask, and his Sharingan was quite powerful, allowing him to move through things. Like a ghost."
"Man or ghost… it doesn't matter," he muttered darkly. "Can you find him?"
"Jiraiya already sent words through our spies," Sarutobi offered as an explanation. At that, the Toad Sage took the word.
"We'll listen. We'll wait. And when we hear anything about such a shinobi, we'll find answers."
"Let me know when you do," Conrad asked, but his tone wasn't a request. It felt like he had already made up his mind of what he would do once he heard about the masked man. "What do you plan to do about Akatsuki, then? If they attacked the boy…"
"There was a plan to keep Naruto safe for at least a few more years," Hiruzen explained, while remaining vague. Technically speaking, it was Jiraiya's plan, not his. But Minato's twin didn't need to know the details yet. Just in case. "Recent events, though, are making us wonder what other options we have."
"Like what?" Conrad scoffed. "Bury the boy under a rock?"
That question was all but dripping sarcasm, and yet the man was very close to the truth. After all, there were a few places Akatsuki and the other Hidden Villages knew nothing about. Like Mount Myōboku. Or Tamriel. Hiruzen didn't speak a word of it, though. A decision had not been taken yet, and he felt that admitting that there was a chance of sending Naruto there would've been akin to rewarding the Nord for his bad behaviour.
Tsunade spoke up in his place, probably realising why he was just glaring silently at the man. "We're still considering our options here, Harissen-san. Nothing is set in stone, only that our previous plans may need to be reevaluated."
The Nord shook his head, clearly not pleased by the fact that they were trying to buy more time before letting him know their intentions. But at least he had calmed down, or at least he was calm enough to realise that they were all on the same side. At least when it came to keeping Naruto safe and finding the person responsible for unleashing the Kyuubi. "What happens now, then?"
"Now? Well, I have to administer a Hidden Village一"
"City," the man said automatically, which made Sarutobi give him an unamused look. He could swear he did it just to get under his skin by now.
"What? No, it's a Hidden Village," Tsunade corrected him, clearly unaware of the man's annoying habit.
"一at least until I'll announce my successor. As for you, Harissen-san," Hiruzen continued, before turning towards her recently returned apprentice. "Tsunade, isn't a patient that just woke up from a coma supposed to go through a proper physical examination?"
"Indeed, sensei," she nodded. "That's the standard procedure."
"Jiraiya, would you be so kind as to accompany Harissen-san back to his hospital room?" he asked. It only felt fair, since it was his student that had brought the man here.
"Of course not, sensei," Jiraiya answered. And with that, he picked up Minato's brother like a ragdoll despite the man's protests. Or insults. Or promises of retribution.
Once the office's doors closed behind them, Tsunade spoke. "So, Minato's long-lost twin, huh?"
"I'm afraid so, but from his point of view, Minato was the long-lost one... What do you think?"
"Honestly? He looks like how I always imagined Minato would've reduced himself if he had ever been dumped by Kushina."
At that, Sarutobi gave her a look. "Don't be absurd. Those two were made for each other."
She shrugged. "You're insane if you think I will accept this job to deal with that mess, by the way."
"Tsunade…" he chided.
"Now, if you excuse me, I have to interrogate that man who may have made medicine as a whole redundant."
And with that, she left as well. Sarutobi found himself alone in his office, allowing himself a chance to think. And smoke more tobacco than he should. This day almost turned into a disaster, but Tsunade was still curious enough to remain in Konoha for now and the Iwa delegation seemed to think that his office was haunted by his first successor's ghost.
Maybe, just maybe, he could leverage something out of it.
Still, he took the time to send a special order, one he took great delight in writing down.
As soon as he was back on his own feet, Conrad threw the crutch he had borrowed from the hospital at Jiraiya. Who just disappeared in a swirl of leaves, while Conrad had to get a hold of the wall to not fall on the now leaves-covered floor. The confrontation with the Hokage had drained him, and he half-climbed, half-let himself fall on the bed.
Once again, Conrad found himself alone in the hospital room. But this time the beeping machines were gone. Which was a welcome change, because he had a lot to think about.
So, Minato and his wife were murdered. This changed things. Such a wrong done to his own kin wasn't something he could just ignore... but Naruto's safety came first and foremost.
Still, how would he even go about finding the one responsible for it in the first place? Maybe divination could help. Some of the other teachers at the Winterhold College might be willing to help with their expertise if he bribed them with artifacts from Akavir. Like books far better printed than anything they had in Tamriel, scrolls of poems and literature from another culture… or just bring them a lot of ballpoint pens, toilet paper and chocolate that didn't cost its weight in gold.
What then, though? He had been defeated just by locking eyes with Uchiha Itachi. How long would he last against someone that had the same eyes as him?
He had killed shinobi by the dozens during the invasion. It had not been an easy feat, because of how stupidly fast the buggers were, but he had done it and he could do it again. But people like these 'Akatsuki' shinobi… they were something else. He had not expected anything like that.
Conrad knew that he had to step up his game. The problem was how.
Maybe he had grown complacent, too used to throwing enough fireballs or Shouts at a problem to make said problem go away. Forever.
Still, he could still work out something with the arsenal of spells he had learned through the years. Or just create new ones. Or maybe, reverse-engineer some一
Conrad's train of thought was interrupted by Naruto coming in from the door, carrying a small basket. "Hey, Uncle!"
"Boy… what's in there?" he wondered. Naruto placed it on the bed, revealing that it was full of bottles. Did Naruto sneak booze into the hospital for him? What a good nephew he was!
"It's some potions for you! Your students said that they should help with your recovery."
Oh, that made more sense. Conrad couldn't help but feel a bit disappointed, after all he had not drank anything in weeks. He felt really thirsty. "How thoughtful of them," he sighed. His nephew didn't even seem to notice his disappointment.
"They visited when you were asleep, you know?" Naruto rambled. "They kinda wanted to come to give them to you in person, but… they're kinda busy with the store."
"I'm sorry, the what?"
"Khajiit has wares, if you have coin."
"It's a little place behind the Yamanaka flower shop. But Ino's dad said that only shinobi can buy their potions, for some reason."
"Let me guess. 'Security reasons'," Conrad reasoned. Because that was what shinobi seemed to use to justify everything.
"Oh yeah, those are the words that Ino's dad used! Still, it's pretty popular. The ninja that buy them started calling the healing potions 'medic-nin in a bottle'!"
"How much are they making out of these…?" Conrad asked. And more importantly, did he get a cut?
"Oh, they gave them to me for free, because you need them, you see. But they sell them for一"
The door opened again, revealing the blonde bombshell that distracted him earlier in the Hokage's office. "Where is that guy一Ha-ha! Found you!" she exclaimed as she saw Conrad, before noticing Naruto. "Oh, and the brat is here, too."
"Old Hag?! What are you doing here?!" Naruto demanded, strangely harsh.
"I have something to ask this uncle of yours," the woman gestured towards Conrad. "Got a problem with that?"
"You two know each other?" he asked.
Naruto frowned, crossing his arms. "She's Senju Tsunade. An old hag that says stupid things."
That confused Conrad. Old? Well, for a child every grown-up is old. But hag? Was the boy blind?
"Brat," the woman said dismissively. "I only spoke the truth."
"Boy? What is this about?" Conrad asked, wondering why there seemed to be bad blood between the two.
"She said that the past Hokage were fools that wasted their lives for the village!"
Tsunade snorted loudly. "My grandfather and great uncle were two of those, brat! I have every right to call them names if I want to!"
"And my dad was one of them!" Naruto said, raising his voice. Ah, so that was the reason.
"What do you want from me, anyway?" Conrad asked her. "I thought I was finished speaking with the Hokage."
"Is that what your people call being manhandled out of a room?" she mocked.
"Wait, you went to Jiji's office? When? Why?" Naruto asked, but Tsunade spoke up before Conrad could answer him.
"I'm not here for the old fart, I'm here for me."
"I knew that my rugged good looks would get you," Conrad snickered, combing his fingers through his beard. Naruto shot him an utterly scandalised look. "But you could've waited until I got back in shape."
Tsunade didn't look impressed. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but Jiraiya has better pick up lines than you." Conrad's offense was short-lived, since she picked one of the potions from the basket and held it in front of his face. "Tell me about these."
"Ah," he sighed in disappointment. "Look, lady. I already gave a lecture. I wrote a guidebook in your language with Inoichi's help. Ask your researchers about this."
"No, you look," she said, grabbing his arm. Conrad tried to snatch his arm back, but much to his bafflement he couldn't get free. He could swear he had not become that weak after his two weeks-long nap, but did his best to suppress a wince when her grip tightened. "You've shown up out of nowhere with a potion that can heal a dying man in seconds. You're telling me everything I want to know."
Conrad briefly considered using a shout to either get free or force the woman to let him go, but as he met Tsunade's eyes he could see her determination, something driving her to learn directly from him and not second-handed. And the promise that if he even tried to speak at something that wasn't an in-door voice, she would break his jaw before he could utter a single word.
"Why?" he finally asked.
"I have my reasons," she answered stubbornly.
"And I have mine to refuse," he replied.
After a few seconds of their verbal stalemate, Tsunade smirked. "How about a bet, then?"
"A bet?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.
Everything was suffering and regret.
Suffering, regret, humiliation and pain.
"A drinking contest? With a patient?!" a familiar voice shouted, which made the pain spike for a moment. "Tsunade-shishou, what were you thinking?"
"About how he'd have to help me do all the research I could think of over this 'Alchemy' of his," the cruel, cruel woman that had tricked him said triumphantly. "Ain't that right, you lightweight?"
Conrad turned around on the bed, wishing that someone would come to put an end to his suffering. Mostly because of how horrible his body was feeling, but also so that he wouldn't feel the shame of defeat.
"He was in a coma for two weeks. You knew this!" the voice protested. Loudly. "We had to pump his stomach!"
A part of Conrad's mind admitted that he should've known better. But the other half, who had thought it would be worth it, had won. Now the latter part was entirely responsible for all of his suffering.
"So what? From the files I got from the old man, his people are supposed to hold their liquor."
There was a heavy sigh. "Just, just please, leave him alone before you do any more damage."
"See you soon, lightweight. You too, brat," Tsunade said as farewell while she was dragged outside of the hospital room.
Conrad heard someone moving near him and slowly opened his eyes. The room was too bright, he blamed the lightbulbs right above him. But he could see Naruto next to his bed, with a glass of water and some kind of pill in one hand.
"Here, Uncle, put this in your mouth and drink to gulp it down," Naruto offered, his voice sounding strangely detached. Conrad accepted the pill and the glass of water and did as the boy had explained.
"Pass me one of the potions, boy," he asked. A healing potion would really help whatever the pill was supposed to do.
"Sorry Uncle, Shizune-nee-chan said that the doctors don't know how potions interact with aspirin yet."
Conrad inwardly cursed. A logical argument about not mixing substances. He could not protest against that. "What happened?" he asked, massaging his temples.
"Well… the Old Hag challenged you and you kinda lost," Naruto slowly said, lost in thought. "Ero-Sennin stopped by, you know. He said you're a bad influence, but then he muttered something about you drinking with that old lady instead of him, so I think he's just jealous."
Conrad weakly snorted. If Jiraiya wanted to have drinks together, he had to find the balls to ask him. "I could've won if I was feeling better."
Naruto looked at him in silence for a few seconds. "Do you always… drink that much?"
"Oh, gods, no," Conrad reassured him. "I can usually drink much more."
More silence followed that. "Why?"
"What do you mean, why?"
"I mean…" Naruto started, sounding like he was at a loss of words. "You passed out and they had to… and now you look… you look terrible. How is that fun?"
"... I'll tell you when you're older," Conrad could only answer. Because honestly, how was he supposed to explain the need he felt every day for a heavy drink to a twelve-year-old?
"That's what Ero-Sennin said!" Naruto protested.
"Huh," Conrad was surprised that both he and Jiraiya had the same idea. "Don't worry about it, I'll be fine after a few hours of rest."
Naruto didn't answer for a moment, thinking. "I guess… I better go now, though."
"Why? What time is it?"
"Kinda late in the afternoon, but I want to train a bit with the Rasengan before dinner."
Ah yes, the thing Minato created and that required whoever wanted to learn it to play with water balloons and rubber balls. "You figured it out?"
"No, not yet," Naruto shook his head. "But… I have a bet of my own to win, now."
"A bet?" Conrad asked. "What bet? With who?"
Someone opened the door, and for a moment Conrad thought that Tsunade had come back to mock him some more. The new arrival's greeting proved otherwise. "Yosh! Good evening, Naruto and his youthful uncle! I would've passed tomorrow but I just couldn't contain my excitement!"
Great, it was Konoha's green wonder. As if Conrad's headache needed more help to torment him.
"Bushy-brow-sensei?" the boy exclaimed. "What are you doing here?"
"Oh, young, youthful Naruto! I was of course more than ready to repay my debt somehow一"
"Debt? What debt?" Naruto wondered out loud.
"For it was you and your uncle's magnificent potions that restored my student's Springtime of Youth!" the man proclaimed, before taking a critical look at Conrad. "And from what I see, you need my assistance more than I thought!"
Conrad could swear that his headache was flaring up with each word the man uttered. "What are you talking about? You don't owe me anything."
"On that, I disagree!" Gai proclaimed theatrically, before looking at him in confusion. "But I thought you knew already… didn't Hokage-sama tell you?"
"Tell me what?" he asked, exasperated.
At that, Gai grinned brightly and assumed an odd pose, giving him a thumbs up. "Hokage-sama handpicked me to be your physical therapist and trainer!"
"My what?"
Kisame suppressed a groan as he forced himself to stand up, using Samehada as a glorified crutch to get himself upright.
The rogue medic-nin they had 'hired' had done a pretty good job, but his healing had been slowed down by Samehada's need for chakra. He had given the sword what he could afford, and then the medic-nin's, but it had been just enough to replace only most of the scales it had lost in the fight.
"You should rest," Itachi told him from the other side of their little camp.
"Fuck resting," Kisame snapped, in a foul mood for having been bed-ridden for so long. "I'm good enough to travel and we wasted enough time."
"You can't handle the next assignment yet," Itachi countered.
"Where is our great leader sending us?" Kisame asked with a low laugh, pretending to joke.
He was pretty sure that Itachi had reported to their leader as the medic-nin tended to his wounds. Which leader, though, that was something he kept wondering. There was no way Itachi didn't know the truth, but he couldn't tell if Itachi knew that he knew.
And of course, Madara was keeping Kisame in the dark. Not that it was his place to criticise, but knowing if Itachi was being kept in the loop would make his job easier.
"Lightning Country," Itachi answered as he started packing their few supplies in a sealing scroll.
"Are we going after the Two-Tails already? Or is it the Eight-Tails?" he asked, calculating their chances. He probably wasn't in the right shape to face a Jinchuuriki yet.
"No. Someone hired Akatsuki to deal with a minor noble. I'll give you the details as we get there," Itachi explained without even looking up at him, putting the sealing scroll under his cloak.
"That's it?! We just have to kill a little lordling? Hah!" Kisame couldn't help but laugh. And to think that he had actually felt worried for a moment. "I will by the time we get there."
"There may be shinobi as bodyguards. The target is a noble after all."
"Good, Samehada needs more chakra," he boasted, looking at his sword, his eyes falling on the discolored, newly grown scales. "Hey, Itachi, when you used your eyes on that man… what did you see?"
No answer came, as Itachi simply kept breaking up their camp in silence.
"Fine then, don't tell me," he scoffed. Sometimes, speaking with Itachi was like talking to a brick wall. But that wasn't fair, a brick wall would show more emotions.
Kisame didn't mind though. They weren't friends, they were just assigned to the same missions. Besides, hearing second-hand descriptions of someone suffering wasn't the same, anyway. Especially if it had happened inside of an illusion.
The man that had hurt Samehada and wounded him was close to the Nine-Tails. Kisame would get his chance to hurt him back. With interests.
A\N: The last year has been… tiring. I hope you are all safe out there.
On another note, I still can't believe that we're getting another release of Skyrim… maybe I'll write Naruto and Conrad fishing in the future, to make fun of that.