Chapter 25 – Into the Dark Side
(Doki Doki Literature Club!)/(My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic)/(Star Wars)
(By me)

Part 1 – Decision

For all the absurdity that Loopers got up to, even the most innately outrageous of Loopers were known to sometimes enjoy more mundane activities. A sort of return to normal life, for whatever that Looper defined as normal. Which is why, despite being a Chaos Goddess and everything else, one could still find Pinkie Pie attending her everyday duties as an employee of Sugarcube Corner even when she was Awake.

She was in the back doing inventory when she heard the ring of the bell above the front door. She cheerfully bounced up to the counter, and greeted the young mare that had entered. Her coat was a lighter shade of pink than Pinkie's, her mane short, peach-colored, and decorated with a red bow, and her Cutie Mark was as sun partly covered by a raincloud.

"Heya Sunshower," said Pinkie, greeting Sayori by her Equestrian name. "How's it going?"

"Oh, you know. It's going," Sayori replied. She was smiling, and pretty convincingly too, as far as anypony off the street would be able to tell. But Pinkie thought she saw some brittleness there.

Without saying anything else, Pinkie held out a cookie. "Thanks," Sayori said quietly, accepting the cookie.

Then she almost choked on her first bite when Pinkie seemingly mitosis'd into two Pinkies right before her eyes. "Me-2, hold down the fort!" one of the Pinkies ordered the other. Then she turned back to Sayori, "Sunshower, let's you and me take a walk, okay?"

"Uh…yeah, okay," Sayori replied, following Pinkie out of the bakery.

Pinkie and Sayori strolled on through Ponyville. As far as Sayori could tell, it seemed like they were retreading the path they had taken the first time Pinkie had taken her aside for a talk.

Along the way, Pinkie spoke up, "Haven't seen much from you since we got back from Canterlot. Had a lot on your mind?"

"…yes," Sayori replied simply.

"Did the Changelings spook you?" Pinkie asked gently.

Sayori opened her mouth, but closed it, and then started again, "Yeah, a little bit, at one point. Then I remembered that there were a ton of Loopers around to handle things, so…it was fine, I guess."

"Ah," Pinkie said knowingly, "So something did bother you in Canterlot, just not the Changelings."

"I mean…no? Kind of? Maybe? I wouldn't say something bothered me," Sayori mumbled.

"It was you, wasn't it?" Pinkie guessed. "Had a head full of frownies weighing you down?"

Sayori stared at her. "I…I'm really not sure how comfortable I am, with you being so good at guessing stuff about me. It's…it's kind of creepy."

Pinkie gave a low chuckle, "Yeah, you're not the only one who finds my carefree approach to things off-putting."

"And that doesn't bother you?" Sayori asked frankly.

"Nah," said Pinkie, "It isn't my job to worry about how everypony feels about everything I do; my job is just to be the most Pinkie Pie that I can be!"

"But isn't part of that making others happy?" asked Sayori, "How can you make everyone happy if some people are put-off by you? And don't you mean 'to be the best Pinkie Pie' you can be?"

"I said exactly what I meant to say," said Pinkie with a giggle, "And I don't make people happy by making them happy to be around me. That's a very shallow kind of happiness for them, for one thing, and for another thing that would put a huge amount of pressure on me. Instead, I make people happy by doing things for them. Throwing parties, baking sweet treats, providing an outrageous and zany distraction from their mundane day-to-day glooms, transforming their lives through the Power of Friendship and the Rule of Funny, stuff like that."

"And that doesn't put a lot of pressure on you?" Sayori asked.

"I mean, it doesn't not put pressure on me, but it definitely doesn't put more pressure on me than I can handle. And when you've been Looping as long as I have, the concept of "limits" gets a lot murkier. Plus making people happy is what fulfills me, so it's super-duper worth it!"

"I see," said Sayori thoughtfully.

"So, what was it you came to talk to me about, anyways?" Pinkie asked as they passed the edge of town.

"Well…I made a decision," said Sayori, "And my answer is yes."

Pinkie stopped and blinked. "Really? You sure?" she asked.

Sayori nodded. "Yeah, I…we were at a wedding, Pinkie. A royal wedding. It should have been the most amazing, exciting thing that's ever happened to me! But instead I just…I felt lousy and like I was bringing my friends down. I am so sick and done with being this way. If you think you can help me, whatever it is, I'll do it."

"I see…" said Pinkie contemplatively. "Well then, I need to talk to Twilight about what all goes into breaking in a new apprentice."

"Wait, what?" Sayori asked, looking alarmed.

"Just kidding!" said Pinkie with a snicker. "But really, if you want to train under me, I'll have to get some things ready for us."

"Eh? I thought you said I had to have a Star Wars Loop–"

"To start learning the Force stuff, yeah," said Pinkie, "But there's a whole philosophy that goes into it that I can teach you before that happens. I call it Pinkological Pielosophy!"

"…ooookay," said Sayori, squaring her shoulders. "Guess I can't say I didn't just ask for a bunch of wacky nonsense."

Pinkie suddenly whipped her head around and shot Sayori a more serious look than she ever would have imagined on the party pony's face. "First thing's first, little filly, let's get one thing straight. My goals and the means I employ to achieve them may look like wacky nonsense to everypony else, but to be my apprentice I have to teach you the method behind the madness. By the time we're done, you very well might become as incomprehensible to the masses as I am; but make no mistake, what I'm going to teach you is Serious Business."

Sayori blinked, eyes as wide as saucers.

Then Pinkie's face broke out into a huge grin. "But don't worry, it's also going to be oddles of happyslappywackysuperfuntimes for all!"

"I…I'll do my best not to disappoint you, um, ma'am?" Sayori replied uncertainly.

"Oh, nonononono! I'm not one for formality, Sillyori; just 'Pinkie' will do, thanks. Now, meet me on the edge of the Everfree Forest bright and early tomorrow morning for your first lesson in Pinkosophical Piechology!"

"Don't you mean–okay, see you tomorrow Pinkie!" Sayori shouted after the older Looper, who was already a speeding speck in the distance. She turned away and headed back to Twilight's tree, where the Equestrian Anchor was hosting the Literature Club. And in spite of her uncertainty, she also felt strangely optimistic.

Part 2 – Sanctum

Day 1:

"Okie-dokie-lokie, Doki Doki," said Pinkie as she and Sayori started into the Everfree Forest. "So, not much point discussing the Force itself just yet, since ya can't use it. Instead, I'll tell you about the nature of the Dark Side, and why it's not as big and bad and spoopy as everypony thinks it is. Which is the whole reason I brought together the Looping Sith Ladies."

"Will this involve giggling at ghosties?" Sayori asked.

Pinkie chuckled, "If an opportunity arises, maybe. Not that you need it as long as you're with me, but just in case…ya got any self-defense skills?"

"Um…no, not really," said Sayori.

"Well, like I said; just stick close to me," Pinkie reiterated.

"So, remind me again, why are ponies spooked by this forest?" asked Sayori.

"Oh, you know, your usual fear of the unknown and mysterious," said Pinkie, "In most of Equestria, nature and stuff is managed by ponies. Teams of pegasi all over the land manage the weather, Princesses Celestia and Luna make the sun and moon rise and set, we do things like the Winter Wrap-Up; y'know, I still remember how crazy it was when I first discovered that wrapping up winter isn't a thing in most of the multiverse."

"Oh, right, and Everfree does its own thing, exactly like nature does in most worlds," Sayori belatedly remembered. "So, in reality, it's no more dangerous than a normal Earth forest," she reasoned.

Pinkie Pie busted up laughing at that. "Yeah, sure, except last time I checked Earth's forests don't have manticores or cockatrices or any of the other nasty-ghastlies that roam the wilderness between pony settlements."

"Right. Forgot, not even this world is all sunshine and rainbows," Sayori sighed.

"Chin up, kiddo, you're in capable hooves," Pinkie reassured her, "Wacky and inexplicable as all get-out, I'll admit, but capable all the same. Anyone can act like a party maniac, but it takes a lot more than that to embody the Element of Laughter, and way more than that to become a Chaos Goddess."

Sayori gave Pinkie an odd look, and almost tripped over an errant root. "I'm sorry, a what goddess?"

"A Chaos Goddess," Pinkie repeated, "Didn't anypony tell ya?"

"No," said Sayori. "I'm guessing this is something that happened in a different Loop? Branch? Thingy?"

Pinkie nodded. "But we can get into that some other time. Today, we're focusing on the Dark Side, not the Immaterium."

"Right. And why are we venturing into this forest to do that?" Sayori inquired.

"The first step to understanding the Dark Side is to get in touch with your dark side, and come to terms with it," explained Pinkie. Her tone and manner were now rather serious. There was no hard edge or heavy weight in her voice, but the bubbly lightness of a few moments ago was gone. "I'm not going to lie to you, Sayori. This is going to be an ugly process. You're going to learn things about yourself that you won't like. Once you've accepted these things about yourself, it's up to you whether you share that knowledge with your friends, or keep it to yourself. Sharing won't necessarily make you any better of a person, and it won't be a bad thing if you keep your darker side a secret from others, either. The important thing is being honest to yourself, about yourself. But I figured you'd at least appreciate having the choice to keep what you learn about yourself between us. So we're heading someplace secluded, and I've told my friends to keep your friends away from us until we're done."

"I don't want to keep anything from my friends! Not Yuri and Natsuki, at least," Sayori said.

"You say that now, Sayori. And maybe you'll still feel that way when all is said and done. And good for you if you do, but at least this way you have a choice if you feel differently afterwards. Trust me on this one, please," said Pinkie, more somberly than Sayori had heard from her since her first day in Ponyville.

"Alright, Pinkie," Sayori reluctantly agreed.

"Great!" Pinkie chirped, flipping back to her usual high-energy state, "Glad we got that settled."

Sayori and Pinkie rambled along in silence for a short while, and then made unimportant smalltalk until they reached their destination.

"Oh, the castle place where you girls defeated Nightmare Moon," Sayori observed as they neared the gate to the Castle of the Two Sisters.

"Yepyep!" Pinkie blithely chirped as her mane twisted itself into an arm-like shape and pulled a caramel-coated apple out of her saddlebags, which she started munching on. "You got any sweet treats on ya, munch 'em down now," Pinkie advised, "You'll want your blood sugar up for this."

…

Sayori had tried meditating with Yuri before, and it wasn't something she would ever associate with a pony like Pinkie Pie. Yet, here they were. Pinkie's big talk about "confronting your inner darkness" had gotten Sayori more than a little nervous, if she was being honest. Pinkie's announcement that they would start with meditation had relieved her a bit, and then confused her a lot. Pinkie ignored her questions though, leading her to an overgrown courtyard near the middle of the castle.

"Breathe in, deeply but slowly," Pinkie instructed after they had sat down and gotten comfortable in the grass. "Hold it for a moment…now breathe out, butnottoofast! Slowly. Evenly. Inhale…hold…exhale…got the rhythm? Now slower or faster, which ever feels more natural. Try to find a pace where you can feel your body more than you feel the air coming in and out of your mouth, if that makes sense? Focus on your lungs expanding and collapsing. Focus on your heart beating, your blood rushing through your legs and behind your ears. But try to ignore that itch in your flank, if ya can help it. No, no, that's fine, get the laughter out, don't stifle it. Laughing releases stress, and you want to be as relaxed as possible for this. 'You cannot hold back a good laugh any more than you can the tide. Both are forces of nature.' Now, back to breathing. Inhale…hold…exhale…find the most natural feelings rhythm. Feel the sun on your skin, the breeze in your mane. Now, close your eyes…"

As Sayori did so, Pinkie lowered her voice. She spoke just loudly enough for Sayori, sitting less than two feet away, to clearly make out her words. "Imagine yourself as you really are. Imagine a mirror in front of you. Full-body. Imagine that it shows you who you really are; your most honest reflection. Have you got it yet? Okay, now, describe your reflection to me, Sayori."

"Hmm. Average height for a young woman, I guess," Sayori started, matching Pinkie's low tone without thinking about it. "Peach-tone hair, like my mane. Short-cut. Light-blue eyes. Usually I wear a tee-shirt or a blouse with shorts when I'm not in my uniform…" she trailed off.

"Is that all?" Pinkie asked her softly.

"Uh…well, I…have a fair complexion, I guess? I'm not really Asian, or white either; my 'world' is odd like that. Mukokuseki and all that…but I definitely have light skin."

"Is that all?" Pinkie asked again.

Sayori kept describing herself in as much detail as she could, and every time she stopped Pinkie would only ask her "Is that all?" until finally Sayori replied, "Yeah, I guess."

Next, Pinkie told her to "Find your center. If we were Jedi, that'd mean clearing your mind of all feelings and distracting thoughts, opening yourself to the universe and becoming a selfless reflection yadda-yadda-yadda. We're going the opposite direction. I want you to find your emotional center. Your strongest feeling, the one that makes you feel the most alive. Not necessarily what makes you feel best, just what makes you feel the most alive. The feeling that most grounds you in the world around you. Opening yourself up to the universe will come later; for now, our focus is just on you. You don't have to describe anything to me this, time, just feel. I can sense your emotions anyways, so stuff would only get lost in translation if you tried."

So Sayori tried to focus on how she felt when she was having fun with her friends. Soaking up their positive vibes and giving them back. When Pinkie announced that meditation was over, Sayori had opened her eyes and taken a deep breath, feeling better than she had all week.

Then Pinkie had sighed and said, "Hopefully you'll make better progress tomorrow," much to Sayori's bewilderment. Had restoring her positivity not been the goal? Pinkie refused to explain what she meant. "I'll never lie to your face, Sayori. The fatal flaw of most Sith is deceitfulness and mistrust. Traditionally, a Sith's journey almost invariably ends with either being discarded by their master when they aren't useful anymore, or with being betrayed and cast down by their own apprentice. Or, y'know, some other tyrant-slaying do-gooder. Point is, we're not going to be that kind of Master and Apprentice. We have to be honest with each other, and we have to trust each other. So I'll never tell you something that isn't true. And unlike some Jedi I could name, I'm never going to "from a certain point of view" you either. Buuuuut that doesn't mean I can always tell you the whole, unabridged truth about everything. Not when it comes to your training, anyways. The Path through the Dark Side has to be somewhat obscured. I know it doesn't make any sense yet, but when it comes to this Path you have to walk blindly through the fog to avoid certain pitfalls. My job is to guide you where the fog isn't too thick or too thin. If I explain the point of these exercises, you'll mess them up. Before anything else, this is a journey of self-realization. I can guide you, but I can't hold your hoof. Hand. Thing, y'know what I mean right? Anyways it's about time for lunch, c'mon."

…

After lunch, Pinkie had given Sayori a tour of the castle, and they had made smalltalk. Then, unexpectedly, Pinkie offered to teach Sayori how to bake.

"Um…eh-heh, I don't know about that…" Sayori said nervously. "Natsuki's tried…really, really hard, y'know, to help me out in the kitchen. It…it never ends well. Ever. Last time we were in a 'meatspace' loop, I set her house on fire."

"Aww. Oh well. Let's see…we need some kind of creative activity in our daily routine that you can use to express yourself," said Pinkie thoughtfully, "It's important to the process, y'know."

"Could we paint?" Sayori asked tentatively.

"YES!" Pinkie abruptly screamed, prompting Sayori to threw herself flat against the nearest wall. "It's brilliant, I love it!"

Pinkie grabbed Sayori with her tail and dragged yanked her into the nearest empty room, which she immediately began filling with art supplies from her Pocket. Next thing Sayori knew, Pinkie had plopped her on top of a cushioned stool in front of a canvas and easel, putting a paintbrush in one of her hooves and a palette on the other. And a beret on her head. "Now go nuts, kid!" Pinkie enthusiastically instructed, "Paint whatever you want, just make sure it comes from the heart. I've got an errand to run, I'll be right back. Don't worry, I'll leave some daemons around the edge of the castle grounds, so no beasties are gonna creep up and getcha!" said Pinkie before she zipped out of the room.

"Ooookay then…wait, daemons?!"

…

Having set up a defensive perimeter of Pastry-Daemons, Pinkie set out in search of the Everfree Forest's most exotic denizen.

"Knock, knock; what's up Doc?" Pinkie greeted as entered Zecora's hut.

"Pinkie Pie; good afternoon," replied Zecora, "To what do I owe your presence, this boon?"

"An apprentice in the Dark Side, I did recently enlist; and for her training, I need what's on this list," said Pinkie as she hoofed Zecora a piece of paper.

Zecora accepted the list and looked it over, already heading over to where she kept her herbs and fungi and such. As she read the list, her brow knitted and furrowed, and then her eyes widened as comprehension dawned on her. She turned back to Pinkie.

"Before you say anything," Pinkie raised a hoof in a 'hold on' gesture, "Yes, they're for our "guest" Sunshower. Yes, I know exactly how they'll affect her. And yes, I fully believe this will ultimately benefit her in a positive way…however unpleasant the short-term effects may be."

"And if, for making things worse, you find yourself guilty," Zecora spoke slowly, "Are you sure you can take that responsibility?"

Pinkie nodded, stone-faced. "I know what I'm doing, and you know me, Z. And like I told Twilight; I have good reasons for taking this on myself and not pointing her to Spike."

Zecora looked thoughtful, then she nodded and began gathering the ingredients Pinkie had requested.

…

"We're…sharing a room?" asked Sayori hesitantly..

Pinkie Pie paused in the middle of blowing up a balloon. "Well, we don't have to, but I figured it'd be more convenient for both of us. You mentioned you have pretty bad nightmares sometimes, right?"

"Yeah, but…I don't know, Pinkie, this seems…eh…"

"Sayori, just say what's on your mind, pretty-please-with-double-fudge-on-top? A timid Sith is just…kind of embarrassing, y'know?"

Sayori took a huge breath, and then blew it out just as hard. And she accidentally whinnied, causing her fall back and clap her forehooves over her muzzle, blushing furiously. Pinkie, to her credit, put up a heroic poker face while she tearfully laughed on the inside. Sayori cleared her throat and said, "Alright. Putting it bluntly, Pinkie, this feels a little intrusive. I get that you probably have reasons for this, but whatever they are I'd feel more comfortable if you were across the hall, or even right next door. Just not in here, with me, when I'm sleeping. If that's alright."

Pinkie stared blankly at her for a moment, and then she smiled sunnily and said "Okie-dokie-lokie! See you in the morning, Sayori," as she Pepé Le Pew'd out of the room. Then she Pepé'd right back in and handed Sayori an un-inflated balloon. "Blow this up until it pops. Trust me," she instructed, still smiling, and then bounced out again.

Sayori blinked, and then looked at the balloon uncertainly. Then she shrugged and started blowing it up; much to her surprise, the balloon inflated very quickly, and in seconds it was twice as big as she was. When it popped, it sounded more like a large cartoon soap bubble than a balloon popping, and where the balloon had been there was now a four-poster bed with a queen-sized mattress, complete with a full-set of bedding.

Sayori stared at it incredulously. Then she shook her head and sighed as she crawled into bed. "I'm never going to get used to this Looping craziness," she said as she burrowed under the cover. "Or Pinkie," she added as she fluffed the pillow and laid her heavy head down upon it. Dinner had tasted wonderful, like everything she had tasted of Pinkie's cooking before. But now her stomach was churning uncomfortably, which she put down to anxiety. 'Natsuki and Yuri are alone with her right now,' she thought, staring at a crack in one of the ancient stone walls of the long-neglected castle. 'I mean, they're not alone with her, but Twilight and everyone else…they don't know Monika like I do, even if they know what she's done. She's too damn easy to trust. And she's a pro at crying crocodile tears. At least in this world she doesn't have her powers.'

'But are you any better?' a familiar non-voice intruded on her thoughts, 'When you snapped even faster in her position? Admit it; our world and anything connected to it is cancerous. Even your precious friends.'

"Shut up," Sayori muttered wearily as she rolled over, turning her back to the crack in the wall and imagining that she was turning her back on the raincloud at the same time. "Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head…" she murmured over and over again until she drifted off into a deep but restless sleep, and a surreal nightmare rife with hollow smiles, snakes made of rope, and cupcake-monsters.

In the room next door, Pinkie Pie spent the entire night meditating in a semi-conscious state, facing the wall behind which her new apprentice slumbered, and sharing her nightmare.

Part 3 – Crescendo

Day 2:

Sayori woke up, feeling less than awesome, and exited her room.

A cannoli with bat wings and three eyestalks flapped past her.

"…what?" she asked no one in particular.

Pinkie Pie came ambling down the hallway, flanked by two creatures; on the left, what appeared to be a cross between a muffin and a jellyfish floating through the air, and on the right a massive jelly donut with eight crab legs and a pair of crab pincers to match, with one massive eye perched in its center rolling back and forth and all-around. Pinkie was talking to them in some language that made Sayori's ears hurt, but by the tone she guessed she was giving orders? The Jellymuffin turned around and drifted back the other way, and the Donutcrab continued down the hall while Pinkie stopped next to Sayori and smiled at her. "Good morning, Apprentice~! Ready for a day of fun and learning?" Gummy the Alligator poked his head out of Pinkie's mane and poked his tongue out in greetings to Sayori, who giggled weakly.

"Yeah, sure thing Pinkie…but, uh, what are all these…things?"

"Well, yesterday I was thinking we could spend a little time each day after lunch fixing up the Castle while we're here, kind of a "wax on, wax off" sort of dealio, but this morning I decided that actually sounded boring. And not very useful since the training we're doing here is mostly psychological. But I also didn't feel like being in a musty rundown castle the whole time, and figured you wouldn't either, so I decided to make a batch of pastry-daemons to fix it up for us!"

"…pastry-daemons," Sayori echoed blanky.

"Yeppers! My personal breed of daemons; creatures of the Immaterium created by Chaos Gods from their own power," Pinkie replied. "I know they look odd, but they're all living extensions of my will, so you have no more reason to fear them than you have to fear me. They're totally harmless to people I like."

Sayori nodded, "Right."

After they had breakfast, Pinkie and Sayori went outside to meditate again. This time, Sayori spent a lot more time just practicing the breathing part. She had so totally zoned out that she was a little startled when Pinkie told her it was time to focus on her 'true reflection' again. It had occurred to Sayori that Pinkie hadn't just said 'imagine your reflection in a mirror', she had said 'imagine a mirror that shows your truest, most honest reflection, and describe it to me'. 'Since appearances can be deceiving, a "mirror that shows the truth" would reflect more than just what I look like, wouldn't it? That must be where I messed up yesterday,' Sayori thought, even though Pinkie had never told her she had messed up the Reflection Exercise. So this time, Sayori fleshed out her self-description with things like "I see a girl who sleeps in a lot", "I see a girl likes to watch clouds", "I see a girl with a huge sweet tooth", and so on.

However, just like yesterday, Pinkie gave no reaction to anything Sayori said. She only asked "Is that all?" whenever Sayori stopped talking, and when Sayori finally nodded silently, a little sullenly, in reply, Pinkie nodded back and said "Time to try and find your emotional center, again."

Once again, Sayori tried to recall her favorite memories of her friends. She tried to capture those happy moments and concentrate on them, like her precious bottles of light. After a while, her concentration was broken by Pinkie heaving a loud, drawn-out sigh. "We'll try again tomorrow. For now, we'll get some light exercise in before lunch."

"Thought you said we weren't going to do physical training?" asked Sayori, trying to tamp down her disappointment as she stood up and stretched her flanks.

"Our training isn't physical in nature, no, but a daily exercise routine is important to make sure you don't go from an Earth Pony to an Earth Pudgy," said Pinkie, snickering.

"Fair point," said Sayori, "so what are we–"

"TAG! You're it!" screamed Pinkie suddenly as she poked Sayori and then zipped away, leaving a Pinkie-shaped cloud of dust behind.

Sayori blinked twice before her brain caught up and she bolted after her teacher.

Day 3:

Sayori hadn't slept any better last night than she had the night before, and once again this morning Pinkie made it clear that she wasn't doing the 'Reflection' and 'Centering' exercises right. Well, she still wasn't giving any sign of disapproval about her 'Reflecting', but the fact that they were still doing it told Sayori she was screwing up, which didn't surprise her at all if she was being honest.

After the Morning Meditation, another game of tag that devolved into a round of laps around the castle, and lunch, Sayori headed to the 'Art Room'. Pinkie had placed a board on one of the walls, and she had hung Sayori's creations from the last two days on it. The first, a generic happy sunlit landscape. Next to it, sketches of the pastry-daemons Sayori had seen yesterday. Today, Sayori decided to challenge herself, and tried imagining a pastry-daemon she hadn't seen yet. She started with a pancake (she figured it was fair, since Pinkie's 'pastry-daemons' included muffins and cupcakes), and gave it a pair of eyestalks. Then. After a moments deliberation, she gave it a bunch of tentacles on its underside. After sketching it, she made another one with paints, and decided to use banana-cream yellow as the base.

When Pinkie came back to check up on her, having made it a habit to go and do something somewhere else while Sayori was in the Art Room, she gave the painting an approving nod and said, "Nice flumph!"

Sayori raised an eyebrow at her. "Sorry, nice what?"

"Flumph! One of these guys," Pinkie said, pointing at the banana-cream-yellow-pancake-jellyfish-with-eyestalks.

"Oh…" said Sayori. "I was, eh, trying to make up a pastry-daemon…what's a flumph?"

"Well, see, there's this Branch, the kind that contains a multiverse of its own, and in the Hub its main back-up is a tabletop game known across Yggdrasil as 'Dungeons & Dragons'," Pinkie began.

"Oh, yeah, D&D. We play that sometimes," said Sayori.

"And you still don't know about flumphs?" asked Pinkie.

"Well…assuming that they're monsters (which is kind of sad because the more I look at this weird thing I made the cuter it seems) Monika's the only one who looks at the Monster Manual because she's our DM. Because of course she is," Sayori muttered under her breath.

"I see. I take it you've never had an adventure in the Underdark, then," Pinkie guessed, "Because that's where you find flumphs. No need to be sad about them though, they're good monsters. See, unlike most of the creepy, sneaky, no-good beasties and evil races that live in the Underdark, flumphs are innocent and peaceful. They feed off of the emotions of other creatures, but not in a harmful way. And they much prefer positive vibes over icky ones."

"Huh," said Sayori thoughtfully.

Day 4:

Another night, another nightmare.

Another morning, another meditation that helped her relax, followed immediately by the mental and emotional exercises that she was too stupid to get right, leaving her frustrated with herself and frustrated at Pinkie for refusing to give her so much as a hint about what she was doing wrong.

Today's game of tag turned into hide-and-seek in the forest. It didn't help Sayori's mood, any. She barely registered whatever she had for lunch with Pinkie, and then trudged off to the Art Room. If she had to guess, she'd say that Pinkie was using this part of the day to take a break from her. She wanted to be angry about that…but frankly, she couldn't bring herself to blame her. Sayori stared at the canvas for almost an hour, before she finally took some watercolors and painted a little garden. On the outer edges, blurry out-of-focus but vibrantly colored flower-like shapes, with an empty spot in the middle. Once the watercolors dried she picked up a piece of charcoal and, in that empty space, added a single, monochromatic, painstakingly-detailed flower, its head drooping as if it were a lily, a couple of shed petals drifting to the ground.

As with the past three days, after Pinkie returned from her 'Sayori Break', she tried to discuss what Sayori had made, but today Sayori just didn't feel like it. 'It's a flower, dying alone while life goes on around it, uninterrupted and undisturbed. What is there to explain, damn it?' she thought sullenly.

After that, as per their routine, Pinkie took Sayori to another room where they sat down and just talked about whatever. Sayori suspected these conversations were intended to substitute the therapy sessions she wasn't taking with Twilight anymore. Normally, Sayori actually enjoyed these conversations, because they weren't all about her; she had learned a lot about Pinkie, too. She had learned as much about the Party Pony in the last three days as she had since the loop had started. This evening, however, her reticence persisted, and she stubbornly resisted Pinkie's attempts to ply any chitchat out of her.

Much to Sayori's aggravation, Pinkie seemed to pay no mind to her gradually worsening mood. Instead, she seemed content to jabber on about some kind of nonsense that Sayori was only half paying attention to. Something about 'darkness' and 'silence'…

After that, it was time for dinner, which Sayori begrudgingly forced herself to eat, and then she went to bed early. As with the last three nights she slept deeply, but restlessly, with nightmares about mocking mirrors, a rotting garden, and a deafening silence that made Sayori wish she could scream at the top of her lungs.

But no sound would come.

Day 5:

"Is that all?" Pinkie asked again.

"Yeah, that's all," Sayori replied, trying hard not to give away how defeated she felt.

"Alright then. Try assuming your human form."

"Wait, what?" Sayori asked, opening her eyes in surprise. Then her jaw dropped.

Sitting across from her was not a pink pony, but a pink human. Young adult, by appearances, with long, curly, bushy magenta hair and Pinkie's blue eyes, garbed in a tie-dye robe. "I said, try assuming your human form," the woman repeated in Pinkie's voice, "Hold that self-image you've been building up all week in your head, and try to become it."

"But…Pinkie, I don't have any shapeshifting ability," Sayori protested meekly, irrationally disappointed in herself for not having a power that she suspected, based on Pinkie's request, almost all Loopers had.

On her end, however, Pinkie's cheeks puffed as she held back a giggle. "Sayori, even if you can't shapeshit at will, all freestyle-like, any Looper with access to their Pocket can shift between forms from previous Loops if they bothered to make an imprint of it on their soul. Usually, this means making an effort to commit your form to heart during that loop, if you want to use it again later. That's how Loopers can keep physical stuff like Saiyan biology between loops. But even if you don't do that, any form that you've spent enough loops as, like your true form, should be imprinted by default."

"…my true form is a data file though…" Sayori murmured.

A tiny, high-pitched squeak of laughter slipped out before Pinkie reasserted her composure. "Just…just try it, please?" she asked.

"Okay…" Sayori said doubtfully. She closed her eyes, her carefully-crafted self-image instantly springing back into her mind's eye. 'Alright…time to, eh, "be myself", I guess?' she thought to herself uncertainly. Nothing happened at first…

Then Sayori's eyes snapped open as she fell backwards in shock. She blinked rapidly as she raised her hands to look at them, even though she could plainly feel her now-human form. Then she unleashed a high-pitched squeal of laughter as she wiggled her fingers. "I did it! I did something right!"

"Alright, alright," Pinkie giggled, "As much as it leaves a funny taste in my mouth to say this; calm down and focus, kid. Meditation time isn't over yet."

"You don't understand, Pinkie. FINGERS! It's been over a year since I've had fingers!" Sayori said, staring at her with wide eyes.

"And you can freak out about having your fingers back later, on your own time," Pinkie asserted, "Right now it's still training time."

Sayori groaned, but she lurched back up to an upright sitting position, crossed her legs, folded her hands in her lap, closed her eyes, took in a big breath through her mouth, and blew it out through her nose. "Alright. Emotional center?" Sayori asked.

"Emotional center," Pinkie confirmed.

…

Pinkie never told Sayori to return to her pony form, so for her daily art she decided to do some fingerpainting.

When Pinkie returned, she too was still in her human form. "No feelsies-talk today, Sunshower. We're going to start a new exercise, in the courtyard."

Obediently, Sayori followed Pinkie through the castle's halls and back out into the courtyard where they meditated in the morning. The sun was setting, the wind was mild, and if one focused their hearing they could just make out the dulcet tones of Steve Magnet singing somewhere in the distance.

Pinkie shrugged off her tie-dye robe, revealing a magenta-colored sleeveless gi underneath. Pinkie whirled around to face Sayori, two three-foot wooden rods appearing in her hands. Pinkie gently underhanded one of them to Sayori.

Naturally, Sayori yelped and jumped backwards, letting the rod hit the ground before rushing over to pick it up, gingerly, by the hilt. She was blushing furiously. Upon closer inspection, she realized that the rod was indeed divided into distinct 'hilt' and 'blade' segments, though the 'blade' part was blunted all-around. Surprisingly, most of the weapon's weight was in the hilt.

"Um…what are these?" asked Sayori.

"Training sabers," replied Pinkie, "We're going to begin combat training, for a couple of reasons. First, you're getting frustrated with the training, and since giving you the answers isn't an option–partly because there isn't a right or wrong answer to give–you need a more direct physical outlet for those frustrations. Second, strange as this may sound coming from the party pony that lives in a world where friendship is literally magic, but there are times and places in the multiverse when violence is unavoidable. Inescapable, even. Self-defense is important."

"…I mean, yeah, I guess you're right. I kind of know how to fight with a yoyo," said Sayori.

"Hmm. Interesting," said Pinkie with an expression Sayori couldn't read. "Anyways, if you're gonna be a Sith, you're gonna learn to use a lightsaber someloop, so getting some practice in with a training saber is a good idea, which is the third thing."

Sayori took a deep breath, slowly, and raised the saber in an imitation of a ready stance she often saw Yuri used whenever she practiced in the clubroom. "Alright, let's do it," she said resolutely.

Pinkie smiled, casually walked right up to her with no guard to speak of, and smacked the training saber cleanly out of Sayori's hands with a one-handed swing. It had already happened by the time her brain had processed the fact that Pinkie's arm had moved.

And now her wrists stung from the shock of having the weapon wrenched out of her grasp.

"Oww…" she whined.

Pinkie twitched a finger of her off-hand, and Sayori's saber drifted back towards her. "Don't sweat it, kid," Pinkie said kindly, "The first thing anyone has to learn about using any weapon is how to hold it."

Pinkie coached Sayori on how to properly grasp the saber, repeatedly cautioning her to never let her hand slip above the hilt's guard. "No reason not to get into good habits early," Pinkie said as she backed off a few feet and raised her own saber.

This time, Pinkie sprang forward and swung at her with a huge grin. Sayori managed to catch Pinkie's saber with her own and block it…but she immediately fell backwards as Pinkie shoved her over.

"…next thing to learn is stance," Pinkie snickered.

Sayori huffed, and got back up. Pinkie rushed her again, and this time Sayori skipped to the side; Pinkie swung wide but hit nothing but air. Sayori giggled rolled forward, swinging at Pinkie's legs, but Pinkie hopped over and swung down, smacking Sayori across the back.

Pinkie backed off and Sayori got back up, wincing. "To crib a line from a gazillion cheerleaders: Be Aggressive!" Pinkie shouted at her, still smiling genially.

'Aggression…right, Pinkie and I are cut from the same cloth when it comes to dealing with people. If she can muster the nerve to whack someone with a stick, so can I,' Sayori thought. It was probably just her imagination, but it felt like the colors around her dulled as she mentally stepped away from her almost ever-present mask. She stopped smiling, stopped concentrating on keeping up her fake smile, and concentrated instead on her breathing. She lowered her eyes from Pinkie's face to her center of mass. Then she charged at her, yelling without thinking about it, swinging as hard as she could in a diagonal line across Pinkie's chest.

But Pinkie wasn't there anymore; Sayori felt something hit the back of her leg. Felt her legs knocked out from under her so hard that her whole body flipped backwards, and her head slammed into the ground…

…

Sayori, battered and weary, flopped onto her bed. Pinkie followed her in, and sat down.

Sayori groaned, "What do you want now? I thought we were done for the day." A small part of her mind winced at how rude she was being; the rest of her mind was too bruised to care.

"Almost," Pinkie replied, unfazed as ever by Sayori's daily-worsening grouchiness. "One more exercise to add to the daily regimen; this will be the last thing we add for a good while, until you're ready for the next phase of training."

"…fine, let's get this over with. Quickly. I want to stop being conscious," Sayori grumbled as she rolled up to a sitting position. Pinkie was in her pony form again, but Sayori had no intention of changing back unless she was ordered to; and even then, she felt like she would probably bitch and complain about it.

Pinkie was sitting with her hindlegs crossed, and in a less foul mood Sayori would have once again marveled at the unusual flexibility of Equestrian ponies. Rolling her eyes, Sayori assumed the meditative position. "Meditating before bed, now, I take it?" she asked, a bit sharply.

"Yepyep!" Pinkie chirped. "Pretty basic stuff; clear your mind of annoying clutter and noisy thoughts, and then go over everything that happened today. Normally, meditating on the day's events like this involves distancing yourself, remembering as if it had all happened to someone else and your just watching. That's how the Jedi would do it, for example."

"But Sith meditation is different, right?" Sayori asked. Her tone was much more even now. Without really thinking about it, she had fallen into the familiar breathing pattern.

"Uh-huh," Pinkie confirmed, "Normal meditation, both for Jedi and most of the rest of the multiverse, helps you concentrate by clearing your mind of all distractions, and by calming your emotions. Relaxing and de-stressing yourself, basically. But while calmness and clarity can be helpful to anyone, for a Sith a relaxed mind is a handicap. The goal of your nightly meditations will be to maintain your tension. It can be good or bad; anything that got you really excited or mad as heck. Either way, comb through your memories of the day, and hold onto the memories that provoke the strongest emotional reactions in you. You might find that something you didn't react to very strongly or think much about at all when it happened hits you harder when you revisit it in this way. Gather all of these powerful emotions–and, just as importantly, the memories attached to them–and focus all your energy on them."

"Don't have much energy left to spare, Pinkie," Sayori mumbled. Her head was getting heavier and heavier as she combed through her memories of the day. She most vividly recalled her excitement at seeing her own hands again after so long, watching her fingers wiggle in the morning sunlight…

…filtering in through the half-closed blinds of her bedroom window, feeling her fingers claw helplessly at the rope around her neck, too tight, can't breathe, head's too heavy, head's too light, GoddamnitI'msostupidMonikahowcouldyou–

Sayori screamed so shrilly that she felt a stabbing pain in her own ears. She opened her eyes and saw Pinkie staring calmly back at her. "Memories, and emotions," Pinkie said slowly, calmly, in a tone that somehow relaxed Sayori's frazzled nerves, just a little, "Are tightly tangled up in each other. Memories connect to other memories not just by cause and effect, through the natural progression of events, but to other memories that share the same emotion." She said nothing else. Just stared at her, waiting for a response.

Sayori forced her frantic breathing and heartbeat to even out. "I…I remembered my death. Th-the noose…"

Pinkie nodded.

"B-but, the last thing was thinking was…my hands. Fingers. Why…?" Sayori asked helplessly, not able to put the thought into words.

Pinkie opened her mouth. But then closed it. "Are you sure? I can tell you why, but are you sure you want to know?"

Sayori hesitated, but she nodded weakly.

"Relief," Pinkie said, almost sadly. "You jumped from a happy memory to a terrifying one…but the emotion that threaded them together was relief, Sayori."

Sayori paled. "I…I don't understand…"

"Can't really say I do, either, kid," Pinkie said frankly as she got off of the bed. "But you're the only one who can figure it out. Good night, my Apprentice," said Pinkie as she left the room.

…

Pinkie's room was right next to Sayori's, but the short walk from Sayori's bed to her own felt like a thousand-mile uphill trek. Every instinct in Pinkie's soul, every fiber of her being, screamed for to go back and do anything she could to comfort the wounded child. A hundred-times more so because she herself was complicit in Sayori's current suffering.

'But the Way of the Sith isn't a peaceful one. I knew this going in and I did everything I could to make her understand that…or maybe not. I could have tried harder, but I wanted her to say yes. I'm the only pony who can help her like this, and this will make her stronger than anything else could. Inside and out. When it's over, I'll make it all up to her. But for now, I have to stay strong. For both of us. The Way of the Sith brings suffering to the Master as well as the Apprentice, it seems.'

For the first time in a long time, as Pinkie climbed into her bed, she remembered her own training, and her Master, many, many loops ago.

She repressed a horrified shudder, and tried to think happy thoughts, just like the girl crying in the next room.

Part 4 – Routine

Day 53:

Sayori felt like a robot.

After weeks of horrific nightmares, and with her mood darkening with every passing day, at this point she was just going through the motions.

She woke up against her will, Pinkie all but dragging her out of bed, and she apathetically forced down some breakfast.

She meditated with Pinkie, but she couldn't muster any happy memories anymore. Only darker memories; of fear, of sorrow, of anger, and of general apathy would come into focus.

Pinkie would force her to run laps around the castle, to climb up a tree, or some other inane physical activity that she had to practically be dragged through. She would force lunch down her throat, and then sit alone in the Art Room for an hour or two while Pinkie did whatever somewhere else. For several weeks, Sayori hadn't made anything new.

When Pinkie got back to the castle, they'd take on their human forms and spar in the courtyard. Only for this activity did any semblance of vitality return to Sayori. She almost enjoyed herself, briefly escaping her sense of pointlessness and lethargy by throwing her entire being into a single purpose; beat the shit out of the obnoxiously cheerful person who claimed she was trying to help. Pinkie trounced her every time, of course, but even though she was a far, far older Looper Sayori could plainly see that physical combat wasn't anywhere near to being a strong suit of Pinkie's. As long as Pinkie kept to her promise that she wouldn't use any kind of powers in their spars, Sayori reckoned she might be able to beat her, if they kept practicing like this for the rest of the loop. This one thing, this one somewhat practical goal was enough to give Sayori a sense of purpose, if only for an hour or two each afternoon.

After sparring, Sayori would force dinner down her throat, and before going to bed she would meditate on all the restless frustration, apathy, resentment that her friends and Monika were probably having loads of fun with the other Loopers while she languished in Pinkie's "care", and general dejected bitterness that she felt throughout the day, as well as the savage joy that came with sparring. It'd been a week, at least, since Sayori had felt anything she would call "positive", but the adrenaline of combat, the grim satisfaction of getting a lucky hit in and seeing Pinkie's skin bruise, and even the pain of getting hit herself felt much better than the emptiness in which she drifted through the rest of the day.

Finally, she'd go to sleep, fitfully, telling herself that in the morning she would tell Pinkie she'd had enough and wanted to go back to Ponyville. And then the nightmares would come. And come the morning, she'd say nothing to Pinkie and carry on with the routine.

Because at least while she was suffering here, her friends could enjoy themselves without worrying about her. Out of sight, out of mind, right?

Thus, despite having lost faith in Pinkie's "training", Sayori continued to trudge through each day. By enduring as she was, Natsuki and Yuri could get the most out of a loop in Equestria. When the loop ended in a couple years, they could tell her all about it in the clubroom, and she'd put on her brave face and pretend she was happy for them. She'd never betray to them how miserable she had been, because it would sully their own happy memories. Sayori would never do that, because she was determined to be as unselfish as she possibly could. Because Monika was, in her mind, the epitome of selfishness, and there was nothing and no one that Sayori hated as much as she hated Monika, because it was Monika's fault that she was the way she was. It was Monika's fault her head was so much more fucked up than it was ever supposed to be, and it was Monika's fault her suffering was prolonged by the Loops, because Monika was the Anchor and as Sayori understood it she was Looping so she could keep Monika company.

Her life was the cruelest, sickest joke in the entire multiverse, Sayori reckoned, and it was all Monika's fault. And because Monika couldn't suffer alone, Sayori was stuck with her, and even if she killed herself a hundred-thousand times the joke would never end. And it would never stop moving, either.

At some point, Sayori hit a sort of "terminal limit" of angst, and stopped caring that she was miserable. She just toiled through the days, because it was her fate to suffer and nothing she could do would stop it.

Tonight, the nightmare was an oddly mild one. Sayori was just wandering alone in a desert, under a full moon. The air wasn't as frigid as it should have been.

Sayori trudged along across the dunes, having nothing else to do, until she came to a small table with a tea set. Seated at the table was a tall woman with dark blue skin, a spiraling horn on her forehead and a pair of feathery wings on her back, garbed in a star-studded dress.

"Good evening…Sunshower, wasn't it?" Princess Luna greeted her.

"Sayori," said Sayori tonelessly. She pulled out the only other chair and sat down, as she was clearly meant to. "Not that it matters what you call me, I guess. Am I just dreaming about you, or are you actually here? Isn't there anypony else who needs you to save them from nightmares tonight?"

"Pinkie Pie asked me to stay out of your nightmares, for the duration of your tutelage under her," Luna said.

"Right. Of course she did," said Sayori, her tone unfazed. In truth, the revelation cut her deeply; even if her methods were going nowhere, Sayori had honestly believed Pinkie meant well.

"But even if it's just for this Loop," Luna continued, "you are one of our subjects, so I have kept an eye on your nightmares from a distance. Pinkie has not rescinded her request for me to abstain from interfering, but with my own judgment I have decided that you are unlikely to make any progress if events proceed at this pace. Thus, I am intervening. May I count on your discretion in this matter, Sayori?"

Sayori blinked, uncomprehending. Then, "What? Do you mean…"

"May I ask for your promise not to inform Pinkie Pie of my involvement," Luna restated herself patiently.

Sayori shrugged. "Sure. I can keep my mouth shut. So how do you plan on 'intervening'? Gonna explain to me what the hell Pinkie expects from me?"

"No. Unfortunately, I cannot do that," said Luna sadly, "Truthfully, in no small part because I myself know not the designs by which Pinkie is acting. Only that she fully expects this experience will ultimately bring you great happiness. And in matters of the happiness of others, the Element of Laughter can be relied upon to know her business. However, everypony's unhappiness is unique to them, and what Pinkie is presently attempting with you is something she has never attempted before. Thus, a lack of experience works against her and I fear she has made a misstep. I owe the ponies who presently bear the Elements of Harmony a debt that, by my own reckoning, can never fully be repaid. Thus, I shall do my utmost to correct the situation."

"Okay…but how?" asked Sayori.

"As I said, Pinkie can generally be relied upon to know her business, as the Element of Laughter. Not to lay blame, but I suspect that the reason your progress with her has stalled is because you do not trust her. Perhaps not to the extent of actively mistrusting her, but at the very least you do not have faith that Pinkie's endeavors will bear fruit. Your lack of faith is sabotaging the both of you. The best that I can do, as I see it, is to get you to trust Pinkie Pie."

Sayori groaned, "Okay, but how?"

This time, Luna said nothing. Instead, she picked up the teapot, withdrew a long, thin wand from within her robe, and waved it over the table. It became a pedestal. Luna waved the wand again, and an empty stone basin appeared atop the pedestal. "Sayori, do you know what a Pensieve is?" Luna asked.

"Eh…you sure you don't mean 'pensive'?" Sayori asked.

"I assure you, young one, I said precisely what I meant to say," Luna said kindly. She tilted the teapot, and Sayori's eyes widened as she watched a strange, silvery-clear, gaseous-liquid substance pout out into the basin. "It is said that one must walk a thousand miles in another's shoes, to understand them but a little," explained Luna as the teapot disappeared in the folds of her dress. She gently prodded the strange substance with her wand, and set it to swirling around in the basin. "A quaint proverb, to be certain, but hardly practical in literal application. But to see one's memories…there lies a surer way to attain insight into the makings of a person."

Sayori blinked again. "You mean…memories? This stuff is…memories? Pinkie's memories?"

Luna nodded. "Yes and no. These memories are not precisely Pinkie's own. Even if I had her memories in my keeping, I would not presume to show them to another without her explicit permission. One's own memories are terribly intimate, after all. Strictly speaking, these memories are my own. But they are my memories of Pinkie's nightmares. I realize that may seem like blatant loophole exploitation, but to me it makes a world of difference. And, in truth, I am still not completely at ease with showing you this. But as I said before, my debt to Pinkie and her friends is an immeasurable one. If this ethically questionable act will help further Pinkie's goals and bring happiness for both you and her, then I cannot let my own scruples bar me from taking this course of action."

"But…why?" asked Sayori, eyeing the basin and its contents warily.

"I don't doubt that Pinkie has already tried to impress upon you the notion that you two are kindred spirits. That she understands your pain, and can thus be trusted on her word that her efforts will benefit you. I believe your lack of faith in her must be born of your inability to reconcile the Pinkie you have seen with your own self-image, skewed as it is by your own depression. It is my hope that by experiencing Pinkie's nightmares first hand, you will understand that her empathy for you is well-founded, and that you may then find it in yourself to put your faith in her. One can, after all, only learn so much from a Master that they do not fully embrace."

Sayori's eyes shifted from the Pensieve to Luna's face, and back again. "…alright. What do I do?" she asked at length.

…

Day 54:

Pinkie awoke shortly before dawn, as usual. She opened her door, and was struck dumb at the sight of Sayori standing right outside. Her mane and tail were both freshly brushed and very slightly damp-looking, and her eyes were brighter and clearer than they'd looked for weeks. "Good morning, Master Pinkie!" Sayori beamed at her, "Ready for breakfast?"

Pinkie blinked. Twice. Then she sniffed the air, and realized she smelled food. "Um…did…you cook?" she asked.

"Ehehehe…kinda? I started to, but before I could do too much damage some of the pastry-daemons shoo'd me out of the kitchen and took over."

"I see," said Pinkie. Then she smiled. "Well, if you're ready and raring to go, then let's go!"

"Aye, aye, Master Pinkie," Sayori said with a nod, falling into step behind her.

"You, uh, don't have to call me 'master', y'know."

"Gotcha, Master Pinkie," Sayori replied.

"Ah, so that's how we're playing this," Pinkie said with a sly grin, "Alright, fair enough."

Sayori still felt drained and hollow inside, but she was determined to keep up her brave face. She wouldn't let Pinkie's efforts on her be a waste.

…

Meditation time.

"Clear out all the distracting brain-noise, and focus on the emotion that most grounds you in your day-to-day life. Find your emotional center," Pinkie instructed.

'It's not happiness,' Sayori thought, 'As much as I hate to admit it, I'm not a very happy person…'

So, reluctantly, she turned her mind to less pleasant feelings.

She thought of fear, and immediately Monika's face flashed into her mind.

She thought of sadness, and immediately Monika's face flashed into her mind.

She thought of anger, and immediately Monika's face flashed into her mind.

Sayori felt her heart sink as a long overdue realization swept through her. 'Monika…'

"It's Monika," she said out loud, her tone brittle. "My emotional center is Monika. She scares me, Pinkie. My day-to-day life is a nightmare because of her. Because I'm stuck with her. Because I have to amuse her to keep my friends safe from her." Sayori's voice cracked a little, and she left hot, salty moisture pricking her eyes.

And she also heard Pinkie give a sigh. "Progress," she heard the older pony mutter. More loudly, she said, "Emotions can feel good or bad, Sayori, but regardless of how they feel emotions are a form of energy. Positive or negative, you can still draw strength from them."

"But…but I don't want to draw strength from fear, or from anger…"

"The source of your strength isn't as important as how you choose to apply your strength."

"But it hurts," Sayori whimpered, drawing in on herself.

"There's no way to escape pain. It's part of livin'. Best ya can do is make sure your pain isn't for nothing."

"How?" Sayori asked.

"That's on you, kid. When I hurt, it reminds me why it feels so nice to help others forget their worries," said Pinkie with a shrug.

Sayori grew thoughtful at that. "Resolve from pain," she murmured.

"You're afraid of Monika," Pinkie said. "But you can't get away from her, so your fear burns into anger, and from anger into hatred."

After a long silence, Sayori bowed her head and said, "You're right. I…I hate her. God, that feels so ugly…"

"But it's not like your hate is unfounded," Pinkie observed. "She caused you a lot of pain and grief. Hating her isn't your problem; being conflicted about hating her is what's messing you up inside."

Sayori looked up and tilted her head. "You…wait, you don't think I'm wrong to hate her?"

Pinkie gave her a flat look and deadpanned at her, "We ain't the Bureau, Sayori, we don't shove our friendship magic down everypony's throats, despite what our reputation would have many believe. Hating people for petty stuff is bad, yeah, but what Monika's done to you is hardly 'petty'. And her being your Anchor and you being her Looper doesn't mean you're obligated to be her friend. It's commendable that she tries to atone for what she did, but that doesn't mean you have to forgive her. No one can force that out of you. No one has any right to dictate how you feel about the people who have wronged you. In cases like this, where actual serious harm has been done, you're justified to hate her."

"But…but I still shouldn't, right? I mean…I mean…" Sayori trailed off, at a loss for words.

"What? What reasoning could possibly be more meaningful than how you feel about what's been done to you?" Pinkie challenged. "All those pretty ideas about forgiving and forgetting are nice and all, but none of it has to sway you. Hating someone for hurting you and your loved ones isn't wrong, Sayori. It doesn't make you a bad person. Some people might sympathize with Monika's place in all this and argue that it's mean of you to hold this over her head, but they wouldn't have any right to judge you for it. Whatever you feel about Monika, it's your place and your place alone."

"…you, Pinkie Pie, a Looper from Equestria where friendship is literally magic, The Element of Laughter herself, are telling me it would be okay for me to hate someone?" Sayori asked.

"As much as you want," Pinkie replied. "I mean, it'd be bad for you to let it consume you as a person, since that's a way people can wind up turning evil, but yeah. To hate or to forgive is your choice, and if it's wrong to hate, it's more wrong to deprive you of that choice."

"I…huh. Hating Monika is actually an option I have," Sayori repeated, still seeming to struggle with the concept.

"Like I said, the thing that's messing you up is your internal conflict over whether to hate her or forgive her," Pinkie restated, "Sometimes taking the middle path between two extremes just tears you apart."

"So you're saying it doesn't matter which one I pick, so long as I pick one of the two and move on with my life?"

"NO!" Pinkie yelled, tugging on her mane, "It absolutely matters which one you pick! But it should only matter to you; don't let anyone but you influence which one you choose."

"I mean, I'm pretty sure it'll matter to Monika–"

"Yeah but you need to make your choice for you, not for her. She doesn't have a say in this, and neither does anyone who isn't you."

"…I'm guessing that asking for advice would be poorly received, here?" Sayori asked.

Pinkie stared at her flatly, one of her eyes twitching slightly. "Yes. Yes it would. Like I said before, I'm here to guide you down the road of self-discovery; not my place to tell you which path to take, just see which one you choose."

"Right," Sayori said, staring off to the side.

"Yeah…tell you what, why don't you just take the rest of the morning to process this, okay?" Pinkie suggested. "We can talk about it more after lunch, if you want. Or after sparring. Or tomorrow. Whenever you're ready."

"Yeah. Thanks," Sayori replied absently, laying down on her back and staring up at the clouds.

…

Day 62:

After the daily round of sparring, Sayori slumped back against a tree, shifting back into her pony form. Pinkie sat down next to her, still human, and took a long swig from a water bottle.

Sayori suddenly spoke up, "So…what if I decide I can't forgive Monika?"

"Hmm?" Pinkie turned to look at her, blinking.

"I mean…under more normal circumstances, I'd sarcastically say 'have a nice life' and never see her again. But as Loopers that's…kind of…not possible. When this loop ends, we're probably going to be back in our game. And, like, ninety-nine out of a hundred loops or something like that, we're in our game. Sometimes Yuri or Natsuki or both of them aren't Awake, but almost every time I'm Awake, so is Monika. And those are the good loops. As much as Monika disgusts me," Sayori actually blushed a little at her own caustic candor, "I'd rather not deal with her when she's Unawake. Because then I have to let her know that, y'know, I know. You know, about the game and all. Er–"

"No, no, you're fine," Pinkie said quickly, "I'm following you perfectly. I do this gag on people all the time; on purpose more often than you might think."

"Right. Perks of talking to a walking Loony Toons shout-out, I guess," Sayori quipped, earning a snicker from Pinkie. "But anyways, yeah. The easiest way to keep Unawake-ika from doing anything bad is to spill the beans to her. I don't even have to explain the loops, I just have to tell her that I know we're in a game."

"And then all she wants to do is hang out with you, because you're 'real' like she is, and it's awkward because you still feel uncomfortable around her and she doesn't know why, and telling her why you're uncomfortable would just make it more awkward, because then you do have to explain the loops and she has to process all of that. Right?" Pinkie surmised, all in one breath as was her habit.

Sayori looked away from Pinkie. "Honestly? That's the best-case scenario."

"Ah. Let me guess; sometimes she freaks out and thinks being 'real' just makes you a more dangerous rival for the player's affections–"

"Nope," Sayori interrupted. "I mean, yes, that does happen sometimes, but that's not the worst that can happen. I can control the game too, since I take over as club president at the end of Baseline. And being a Looper, I can out-hax Monika when she's not Awake, no problem. She's…really not that good at it, honestly. On one hand, that's way simpler for me than just having to be buddies with her, but it's more stressful because I have to keep her contained until she Wakes Up. And when she does Wake Up, she's all horrified and junk, and that just adds to the awkwardness because then I feel like I have to reassure her that her own craziness is somehow not her fault."

"So…dare I ask, what is the worst-case scenario?"

"…she becomes obsessed with me instead of the Player, because I'm just as real and a lot more accessible."

"…oh," said Pinkie, her hair flattening from how discomforting that mental image was.

"And there's no silver lining to having a yandere obsessed with you," Sayori grumbled. "At least when she's Awake, Monika has the decency to give me space on the days I tell her I want to be left alone."

"So," Pinkie started after a moment of silently processing the implications, "What if you can't forgive Monika?"

"Yeah. Like…what then? Either I still go on pretending to be alright with her to keep things copacetic in the club, which sounds like an even worse nightmare, or I bare my true feelings and burn that bridge between us forever…and then what? I'm still kind of stuck with Monika in our home-loop."

"You could appeal to the Admins to be a Travelling Looper," Pinkie suggested.

"Like Ms. Everywhere?" asked Sayori. For a moment, the possibilities of being a truly free and untethered Looper loose in the Multiverse presented themselves to her. Jenny had spoken to them of how much she enjoyed being on what amounted to the ultimate road trip, never knowing where she would end up next and making friends by the thousands all across Yggdrasil.

Then she thought of Yuri, and Natsuki, and him, and how she'd probably only see them for a couple Loops out of every million or so. "Nope," Sayori said reflexively, the instant that thought darted across her cerebellum. "Quitting Monika is one thing, but if it means quitting the others…not just hardly ever seeing them again, but leaving them with her…nope, can't do it, not me."

"You have to decide what's best for you, not–"

"Trust me, Pinkie," Sayori said seriously, looking her dead in the eyes, "I would never forgive myself for doing that. I don't want to be the kind of person who could do that without regretting it."

"Fair enough!" Pinkie chirped brightly. "Stay true to yourself, always, no matter what. That's how you avoid falling into the Dark."

"So…any other alternatives?" asked Sayori.

"Mmmm…well, you could try to get Monika made a Travelling Looper, but that would be a lot trickier. For one thing, she has to agree, and ask the Admins herself; they won't do that to a Looper because someone else wants it. Not even if she were an MLE; then they'd want to try to keep her confined to her Branch to minimize the damage she can do. Plus, she's your Anchor; she'd need to come back to her home Branch every so often just for Yggdrasil's sake, and unless Monika or some other Anchor is present, your home-loop can't run–"

"Which would make Yuri, Natsuki, and I in more or less the same boat," Sayori caught up. "Shit," she hissed under her breath. "So I was right. No matter what I want, the right thing for me to do is just forget about all this noise and–"

"No!" Pinkie protested, "Choosing to forgive her means nothing unless it's what you want to do, and not just because the alternatives are too difficult. You have to stop putting everything else before yourself, Sayori. Every problem has a solution. You can figure this out. Your Branch is more than just your game, right?"

"Yeah, there's a whole world outside of us. Usually a Hub-like."

"And assuming you're on a computer with Internet access–"

"Yeah!" Sayori suddenly perked up, "Monika says she goes off exploring the Net all the time, when she's the only one Awake. And not just in a browser, but actually bouncing between servers and stuff."

"And you could always pick up some kind of robo-body in some Branch somewhere and keep it in your Pocket, use it to go have fun in meatspace if you want. And even if you're in the game, if you have control over the code too, then surely you could set up some kind of 'this is my space, that's your space, stay on your side of that line' deal, right?"

"Yeah…yeah, you're right, there are answers if I really try to think of them," Sayori said, half to herself, looking deep in thought again.

Pinkie stood up and started away from the tree. "You keep pondering, I'll get started on dinner."

…

Day 70:

For the past week, Sayori had not been using Art Time for mere creative expression. Pinkie Pie, coming back from whatever it was she did every day, picked up an uncolored drawing off a desk. "Making interior design plans?" she asked Sayori, who was working on another drawing, also of a room.

"Concepts for how I'd design my own clubroom," she replied.

"Made up your mind, then?"

Sayori paused. "…do I have to make my choice before we can move forward? Can I keep it on the back burner for a while longer?"

"It's a very heavy decision. Take as long as you need. You will reach a point where you won't be able to put it off any longer, but you'll know it when you do."

"Right. Thanks. For now, this is just…something I can focus on."

"Gotcha. Anyways, it's time to–"

"Are you the reason I'm having so many nightmares?" Sayori suddenly asked.

Pinkie turned around. Sayori was staring at her. "I've had nightmares literally every night I've been here. Vivid ones, and I always remember them. None of which is normal for me. Starting the night we came here. I know how to put two and two together, Pinkie."

"Yes," Pinkie replied bluntly, "I've been inducing your nightmares."

"You said you wanted us not to lie to each other. If I told you something I promised someone else I wouldn't tell, can you promise you won't tell her I told you?" Sayori asked.

"You mean Princess Luna, right?" Pinkie guessed. "I've been…sharing…your nightmares, actually. Figured it wasn't fair for you to go it alone, but also figured it would be creepy if I told you I was watching your bad dreams, and I didn't really want to explain about the nightmares until you brought it up, because I knew you were smart enough to figure it out; it was really just a question of when you'd want to confront me on it."

Sayori nodded. "Guess I ain't gotta explain after all. Anything you wanna explain, Master?"

"Is there anything you want me to explain, Apprentice?" Pinkie countered.

"Why…eh, no, that'd be too–"

"Nope," said Pinkie, swinging the door shut. "Sparring's off for today, to be replaced with a Pinkie Pie AMA." She pulled up a seat in front of Sayori, who reluctantly sat back down.

"Oh! Um. Okay. Sure? Are you sure, Pinkie?" asked Sayori.

"Frankly, I feel like I owe it to you. I mean, you don't seem too angry about the fact that I've been giving you nightmares. So, yeah, literally ask me anything. And if you ask, I'll answer truthfully. And if the whole truth would compromise your training, I'll tell you so and I will answer those questions when I can."

"Alright," said Sayori, "Well…I'm guessing the nightmares are to…pressure me, or something? Immerse me in my darkness, or whatever? I get the feeling I have to hit some kind of breaking point."

"Something like that, yeah," Pinkie replied. "I can't explain everything, but this is an important part of not being corrupted. You need to find out for yourself how deep the Dark goes, and you need to understand the nature of your own dark side."

"My own dark side," said Sayori, frowning. "You mean my depression?"

Pinkie shook her head emphatically. "No. Not entirely, anyways. I'll tell you this; there are at least three major darknesses in you, all in conflict. Your depression is one of them, but it's the least harmful to you right now because you've mostly accepted that it's part of you. Another is your confliction between the two halves of your heart over whether to sympathize with Monika, or condemn her. The third…you haven't figured out yet."

"And I have to figure it out before you can talk to me about it. Understood," said Sayori. "Why can't you just lay everything out for me, so I can start working through it?"

"Honestly? I probably could. But that would weaken you, make you dependent on my guidance. I want to guide you through this, more than anything, but one of the classic weaknesses of the Sith doctrine is the entire process by which the Master molds the Apprentice in their own, ideal image. "Ideal" for the Master's purposes, that is, not for the Apprentice's benefit. So I'm trying to be as hooves-off as I can afford to be. That, and I can't follow you all the way through your own darkness. At some points, you'll have to walk alone, at least for a little bitty while. The more you're used to walking alone, the better off you'll be. And the less I mold you into what my ideal of the Sith is, the more you can mold yourself into your own ideal. And whatever ideal that is, as long as it's yours and yours alone, it'll be stronger than anything I could ever make out of you."

"I see," said Sayori. She tried to ignore the doubts, to believe absolutely in Pinkie's encouraging words. "I…guess I only have one question left. How…why did you ever want to become a Sith? Spike said that most Loopers who become Jedi have no problem bucking the Order's harsher restrictions and balancing Light and Dark as Gray Jedi. He told me most of the Looper who become Sith already come from villainous backgrounds, like Cinder Fall or Marie Korbel. So…yeah, how'd you go there?"

"Oh. Well," said Pinkie, tilting her head. "That's…kind of a long story…you mind having a late dinner tonight?" she asked.

"Uh, after that hook?" Sayori asked, "Yeah. I'll do an all-nighter if that's what it takes."

"Heh. Shouldn't take that long, just to answer your question. Either way, settle in, it's story time~"

Part 5 – Pinkamena Gaiden

Many, many, many, many, MANY, loops ago…

…in-a-galaxy-far-far-away:

On a nameless planet, encrusted with ice and as far removed from civilization as any planet in the Galaxy could get, a slim figure was huddled in a small cave next to a small, glowing-red heating unit that was droning loudly. Dark, straight magenta hair hung in heavy curtains around her face while her forehead rested on her knees. Once in a while, her hands would slowly, languidly rub up and down her arms, but only for a moment before she stopped. It was pointless. She was well-insulated in her parka, her body more than warm enough, but all the rubbing in the world wouldn't abate the coldness that she felt inside. The wind was roaring like a dying animal just outside the cave, and the petite humanoid took a small measure of solace in the eerie cacophony that drowned out a much darker sound; one that she did not hear, but felt in every fiber of her being.

The equine ears perched atop her head twitched as she just barely managed to pick up the faint sound of boots crunching in the snow. Faint as it was, it had to be close by to pierce the gale. It didn't take long for the footsteps to suddenly triple in value as the walker stepped inside the mouth of the cave. The newcomer's frame was also humanoid, but taller and broader, and also heavily bundled. Its sex wasn't obvious, but its frame suggested male. "Still holding on, I see," said the newcomer in what was unquestionably a man's register. His voice was muffled and his tone was low, but his voice seemed to have a direct line to her ears; she heard him as if he was whispering right into her ear.

She shuddered, but didn't respond. The man trudged deeper into the cave, and sat down on the other side of the heating unit. He lowered his furred hood and pulled down his goggles, revealing violet eyes. He gave the heating unit a piercing stare, and then gestured at it as if he were twisting an invisible dial in the air. Something rattled inside the unit and the droning ceased, while the unit glowed a little brighter and hotter.

They sat in silence for a while. The man pulled a package out of his parka, and from the package he produced a strip of dried meat. He gnawed on it in silence.

"…it's so deep," the girl muttered. "I don't…I couldn't have known. It shouldn't have been too much. I can handle the Warp-"

"The Warp is mindless," the man interrupted. "It has no direction of its own. Far beyond any mortal mind's power to comprehend, let alone tame, true. But it bends to the will of the Ruinous Powers, and you had the good luck to loop in as one. You have no such 'privileged access' to the Dark Side, which is just as chaotic as the Warp but has a will of its own. No one tames the Dark Side; the best you can hope for is to barter with it. There is no taking from it without giving back something of yourself. You brazenly tried to dive into the heart of the Dark Side and turn it into Light. But the Dark Side is not your Immaterium; it yields nothing without exacting a toll. The deeper you reach into the Dark Side, the deeper it reaches back into you."

He left those words to hang in the air. The girl gave no response, but after a moment scooted closer to the heating unit. "Take off your outer layers if you want to sit that close. You might feel frozen inside but I assure you, your body is perfectly normal and you will overheat yourself like that."

The girl lifted her head, magenta eyes staring millions of miles through him for a moment before focusing on his face. Violet eyes full of curiosity and somewhat dispassionate concern stared back. Eventually, her eyes slid down to stare at the glowing heating unit. "Try not to burn your eyes," the man muttered. Another moment of silence followed, and then he spoke up again, "To your credit, I don't think even Vitiate could have delved that deeply into the Dark Side without breaking. I'm not even confident I could have."

A short, truncated cough of humorless laughter. "Funny you say that. I feel pretty broken," she muttered.

"I'm not surprised you feel that way," he admitted, "But you're not. You are not nearly broken, yet, Pinkamena. You're just…shaken up."

The girl, now identified as Pinkamena, hugged herself tightly. "That feels like a big understatement," she murmured.

"I don't doubt it. But at its heart, that's all it is. Calling it more than that will only make you feel worse. Smaller. Weaker. You need to ground yourself in the here and now, in the Living Force. Pain and strife run rampant throughout the Galaxy, but so does life and wonder. I advise you to reach out and take it all in, don't just focus on the negative."

"But there's so much of it," Pinkamena groaned. "It hurts enough to see one pon—person unhappy, and way worse when I can't figure out how to cheer them up. Feeling so much pain, so many people dying at the same time, so many of them full of fear, or resentment, or despair…it's too much. Way, way too much."

The man shrugged, scratching at his beard. "I did warn you of the risks. You just told me I was being a worrywart. Maybe next time an expert on darkness gives you a well-founded warning, you'll listen. Then this trauma won't have been a waste."

Hot, screaming rage flash-burned through Pinkamena's brain; her head snapped up and she glared daggers at her cavemate. He only raised an eyebrow in response. He wasn't even looking at her. Then he cracked a small smirk and said, "If I were Anakin, I'd be worried. He's got a poor track record with laser vision."

"…I'm not in the mood for dumb jokes right now, Revan," Pinkamena seethed.

"Oh, how ironic is that? I thought dumb jokes were your stock-in-trade?" the man, Revan, snarked back.

The heating unit sprang off of the ground, flying right at his face, but with no more than a tilt of his head Revan redirected it to the side. Robustly constructed, the unit bounced along the cave floor a few times before stopping on its side, undented and still running. Revan's eyes slid over to the upended heating unit; he tilted his head the other way, and it slowly rolled back to where it had been before turning itself upright.

Another second passed before Pinkamena realized she was on her feet, her hand thrown up at Revan, and that her blood was practically roaring in her ears.

The burning fire of anger was quickly doused by a torrent of regret, and the bitter cold of shame and sadness crept back into her bones. She felt it again; hundreds of trillions of distant voices clamoring in battle-rages, death-throes, mournful wailing. Hearts breaking, lives ending, madmen cackling while frightened children sobbed. Some of them overcome with fear or sorrow, others already festering with darker feelings as the great cycle of pain propagated itself across the spiraling Galaxy.

Pinkamena clapped her hands over her ears and tucked her head between her knees, rocking back and forth. But the noise still poured into her heart.

"You're making it worse for yourself like that," Revan informed her. "You have to move along with the current. Let the darkness flow through you. Let it run its course. You're still raw and oversensitized from your deep plunge into the Dark Side of the Force. This sensitivity will wear off in due time, but you have to stop fighting against it. Your resistance is acting as a dam, not a levy; it's keeping the pain locked inside of you, allowing it to fester, drawing more negativity into yourself. But if you let it in, it will drain back out on its own. Such is the nature of pain. It is ephemeral. Transitive. Fleeting. It lasts but for a moment. Some moments much longer than others, but a moment that will still end if you let it run its course."

"Shut up, I don't want to hear this!" Pinkamena snapped, "I just want this loop to end already, so I can go home. There's no Dark Side there…"

There was a snap-hiss, followed by a low, persistent thrumming. Pinkamena's head snapped back up; Revan had risen to his feet, an active, violet-bladed lightsaber in one of his hands. He was smiling a small, tight smile. "I can help you out with that, if that's really what you want. To squander this remarkable opportunity, turn your back on what could very well be the beginning of a journey of tremendous self-discovery. Just shuffle along to the next loop…but I thought you were better than this. I thought you genuinely appreciated the uniqueness of each loop and the opportunities they bring. And I haven't been to Equestria very often, yet, but I had the impression that your people prided yourselves on self-improvement. To be the best of yourself that you can be. Was I wrong?"

Pinkamena's expression became bewildered. Then she felt the anger creeping in again. "Self-discovery? Improving myself? You expect me to put a positive spin on this?! No, absolutely not, I don't want to follow this path any further, Revan. I came to you because I didn't like the way the Jedi Order does things. Shouldn't have bothered at all. There's too much pain in the Galaxy for anyone to heal."

Pinkamena gave a startled yelp as she was suddenly yanked up off the ground, and then flipped upside-down. She floated like that while Revan spoke, "First of all? Not true. Usagi Tsukino and Naruto Uzumaki have both done more or less exactly what you tried to do. That I can say I've witnessed, at least; if any other O7s have done it, I wasn't around. You're just not that ancient and powerful of a Looper, yet. Secondly, why shouldn't you? Again, is this not what you do, Pinkamena Diane Pie? Take dark, horrible things and laugh them into oblivion? Even the Jedi acknowledged that pain is an inevitable part of growing up."

"Well, excuse me if I can't 'laugh away' the fact that I can feel everyone and everything suffering all over the galaxy at the same time!" Pinkamena yelled back.

"Suffering brings empathy. Suffering can undermine us, if we let it, or it can fortify our convictions. I can assure you, you will not often get an opportunity like this. We Loopers can become jaded to the long eons we spend running away from boredom, but even for us there are still vital forks in the pathways of fate. Junctures where our choices can still have a profound impact on our futures."

"I DON'T WANNA!" Pinkamena screamed, wrenching herself free of Revan's telekinetic grip. She landed heavily, clumsily on her feet. She felt a foreboding tingle shoot through her body, and jumped back as an arc of violet light sliced through the air where she had been standing. Without thinking, her body's muscle memory from this loop took over, and the next thing she knew she had a pink-bladed lightsaber in her hands. By the time the shock of being attacked by her friend wore off, she was bladelocked with Revan, bearing down on her from above.

"Then I may as well be a good friend, and free you from this loop's misery," Revan said coldly. He thrust a palm towards her chest, but he neither touched her nor Pushed her; instead, iridescent blue sparks of raw fury and pure negative energy blasted out of his hand, ripping clean through Pinkamena's thick clothing. Sith Lightning was already torturously painful for any sentient being in the Galaxy, composed as it was of the concentrated power of the dark side of the Force. For one as especially sensitive to negativity as Pinkamena was right now, the effect was amplified a hundredfold.

"HGRKRAAAAAHHHH!" Pinkamena screamed as she was blasted out of the cave and into the shrieking wind. Sheer instinct was the only reason she was able to move out of the way as Revan leaped out after her.

"Fight back!" he howled over the wind. "You're stronger than this, Pinkamena! You're stronger than me!"

The cold bit at her eyes, but even without it the swirling snow would have made it impossible to see. Still, she didn't want to touch the slimy, icky darkness that she could feel all around her, a bone-jarring bass note underscoring the background noise of the Galaxy. Luckily for her, her "Pinkie Sense" was an effective substitute. Eyes shut tight, she rolled left to avoid a telekinetic wave that tore through the snow, and she stood up. The snow came up halfway to her knees; evading wouldn't work out. But that didn't mean she had to stand and fight on his terms, either.

She killed her lightsaber and threw it aside as if in disgust, and threw her arms out as bright pink light erupted out of her body. Raw psychic energy spiraled around her, vaporizing the snow and driving back the wind. The very tides of chaos poured forth from her being, twisting into biologically impossible daemonic forms in midair. Reacting to their goddess's will, the daemons threw themselves at Revan in a frenzy; in an instant, he was alone against a horde that was already almost a hundred-strong.

Then that repugnant darkness was lancing through her, that sour bass note drowning out her symphony of chaos as Revan plunged forth into the fledgling Warpstorm. Violet lightsaber in one hand, red in the other, and one more of each plus Pinkamena's discarded weapon swirling around him, Revan tore through the host of daemons like a bull rancor. Meanwhile, Revan assaulted Pinkamena's mind from a thousand different angles; she had the age advantage, and as in most cases that meant her mental defenses were too robust for him to brute force his way through. But he didn't need to. As long as he could distract her, make it impossible for her to concentrate her energy on him for just a moment, and if he could move fast enough, with the power of the Force shielding him like a makeshift Geller field…

And it was done; he took a flying leap at her, hooked the crook of his arm around her throat, under her chin, and pulled her down to the ground. Her head bounced off of the hard, icy ground, and as quickly as it began her miniature Warpstorm fizzled out.

"Ah-ah, Pinkamena. My Galaxy, my rules. You think the Force not worth your time? Then defeat me with your conviction, not a psychokinetic temper tantrum," said Revan as he stood up and stepped back. Both of his red lightsabers and the violet one he had been wielding telekinetically disappeared, and Pinkamena's own lightsaber dropped to the ground and rolled to her feet as she sat up, more than a little shaken.

"…you don't get it, Rev. This isn't me," Pinkamena muttered. The wind was still going strong, but none of it was penetrating a wide bubble of space around them. Revan's doing, she had to assume.

"When I was a wide-eyed, idealistic youngling, I'd have said the same thing to anyone who told me I'd become a Sith Lord someday," Revan said with a sad smile. He switched off his lightsaber and sat down on the frozen ground. "Do you remember when I told you why I turned to the Dark Side?"

"Vitiate turned you and Malak–"

"No, no, no, that was when the Dark Side overtook me," Revan interjected. "Before the downfall comes corruption, and before that comes temptation. My temptation began, as is often the case for the greatest and most terrible Sith Lords, with a benign desire. To preserve the Republic, to protect the people. I was strong, willful, and dangerously intelligent. My head knew that the role of a Jedi was to keep the peace, that our formidable martial prowess is borne of simple pragmatism; some threats to peace will not be talked down or negotiated with, and without drawing from the Dark Side these threats will not bend even to the will of the Force. But my heart rejected this wisdom; I knew I was gifted, and that some of my gifts were well-suited to battle. When the Republic was threatened by a war that the Council decided wasn't our business, I turned away from the Order to fight for a worthy cause. This was my first step towards the Dark Side; when I chose to do what I thought was right, even though older and wiser people told me I was wrong, instead of taking the easy way out and turning a blind eye to the war like everyone else in the Order. And because I was so gifted, because I was so charismatic, I drew many other young Jedi, as eager as I was but not quite as bold, to follow me."

"Okay, but what's any of that got to do with me?" asked Pinkamena wearily.

"War changed me. Made me less idealistic. Less weak. More willing to listen when the Dark Side offered a clearer path to my goal. The path to becoming a slave of the Dark Side is easy, but the path to becoming a master of the Dark Side is infinitely harder than becoming a Jedi Master. Let no one tell you otherwise. There were choices I made back then that still weigh on my conscience, from time to time. That pain is how I know I never truly, fully Fell. Would I have come back without Bastila's interference? Maybe. Maybe not. Hard to say."

"Stiiiiiiill not seeing where I fit into this," Pinkamena grumbled. "Why are you so dead-set on making me a Sith Lord?"

"Weren't you listening? Becoming a true Master of the Dark Side is nigh-impossible. Over tens of thousands of years of Galactic history, less than a handful of souls can even be argued to have done so. In my Baseline, I would not call myself one. In the Loops? Well, I no longer struggle with the Dark Side…but does that mean I have mastered it? Or have I merely found my limit? Have I gone as far as I can go without Falling again? Again, hard to say. Point being, I think you can go even farther than I have. Farther than I can, perhaps. There was I time, when I was very new to Looping, when I thought perhaps I could 'fix' the flaws of the Sith Order. Remake them into something greater than the Sith or the Jedi. Create something similar to the Gray Jedi that have become so popular among Loopers, but starting from the opposite direction. Thousands of loops of fruitless experimentation…frankly, I've given that ambition up. The Sith Order's imperfection is too intrinsic to what the Sith are; selfish, self-destructive individuals incapable of appreciating what it means to serve a Greater Truth. It's a problem I can't solve. But I think you can, Pinkamena."

"Really?!" Pinkamena balked, her ears flattening and her eyes widening. "Why?"

"Because the Darkness doesn't affect you the way it does so many others," Revan explained, an audacious grin returning to his face. "In one fell swoop, one mad dash of foolish impulse, you dove deeper into the Dark Side than I ever dared to in my Baseline. But it hasn't changed you." He raised a hand to hold off her almost-outburst, "No doubt, it has had an impact on you. It dealt you a grave injury. I had to fly you way out here to the ass-end of nowhere, over a hundred parsecs from the nearest sentient that isn't me, before you could even regain consciousness. Even now, the Force is trying to pour the Galaxy's combined suffering through you because that's how big of a hole you tore open in yourself. But you're still you. I'd fully expect that to be the case next loop, but to retain your sense of self under these conditions indicates an underlying strength of personality and unyielding sense of purpose that have fuck-all to do with your being a Looper. That's your strength, Pinkamena. And you and I and anyone who knows anything about you knows that the only selfish bone in your body is the one that drives you to celebrate everyone else and everything for any reason to give others something to celebrate. On the other hand, you're far from being pure of heart. You're a living force of self-indulgence, a cackling madmare with a stronger sense of humor than common sense. You have the capacity to embrace the Dark Side without letting it override your sense of purpose. I can honestly say that I've never met anyone quite like you, Pinkamena, and I do believe you can do what I haven't been able to. And as much as it rubs you raw to see someone inconsolable, it rubs me raw to see such a singular opportunity for greatness go to waste."

"…wow. That's…that's pretty heavy, Revie," said Pinkamena, blinking.

"Even still, I meant every single word, Pinkie," Revan said back, a soft chuckle coming up from his chest. "It's almost ironic, really. Part of why I've enjoyed our friendship so much up to now, besides your prodigious propensity for proper pranking, is that you make it easier not to think so much about the things that weigh so heavily on my conscience. But now, I'd go even farther than how deeply you delved into the Darkness, just to make you my new Apprentice."

"…okay, but did you have to get so rough with me?" Pinkie asked, reaching up to scratch her head. As she did so, she belatedly realized that Revan's blast of lightning had restored her hair to something similar to its traditional rambunctious curls. In her present mindset, that amused her, calmed her, and irrationally annoyed her all at once.

"You were wallowing. Not without good reason, of course, but I figured I'd shock you out of your funk," Revan replied. "After all, Pain is the teacher that all Sith have in common. You have to admit, it was an electrifying lesson, wasn't it? I do so despise static conditions; if I have to make necessary changes by storm, then so be it."

"Boooo! Knock it off, ya hack," Pinkie groaned, trying not to laugh out loud.

Revan shrugged. "At least I'm not a tired old nag."

Pinkie abruptly stopped having to hold in laughter. She narrowed her eyes at him. Revan smiled cheekily, and quickly ducked as a chunk of snow sailed through the air where his head had just been. Pinkie rolled her eyes and blew her hair out of her face. Then she grimaced, and started drawing in on herself.

"Stop," Revan ordered sternly, drawing himself back up to his full height. "For those who cleave true to the Way of the Sith, pain is not an enemy; it is a guide, a mentor, a boon companion. Pain reassures us that we are still alive, for the dead feel no pain. Pain is how we know that we are growing, for pain is weakness leaving us. But above all, though few Sith seem to appreciate this particular lesson, pain can keep us humble and honest, for it is a collector of dues owed; it will not be denied, it will not accept IOUs, and it does not grant lines of credit. Pain demands to be felt, Pinkie."

Pinkie cocked an eyebrow at him. "The Fault in Our Stars? Didn't think you were the type, Revie."

"Don't judge me," Revan grunted. "And I could say the same of you, for that matter."

"Touché," said Pinkie, closing her eyes. Instantly, the droning background noise that had been nipping at her consciousness spiked into an outrageous crescendo of horrors.

And just as instantly, Revan's voice cut through that noise, speaking to her through her ears and also into her mind, "You are stronger than this. You cannot be broken by this. I am not coddling you with false assurances as a parent would a frightened youngling. I am telling you the truth. The Jedi claim that only the Sith deal in absolutes; ignoring the hypocrisy of that assertion, there is a reason we deal in absolutes. The Dark Side deceives and misleads, for it does not play favorites. Its desire is for all things that are born to die, as is the way of nature. It is both Scylla and Charybdis, and to avoid being destroyed one must walk a path as narrow as a laser, and one's focus must similarly be laser-like. To be a Sith Lord, to be a Master of the Dark Side, you must be strength itself. We deal in absolutes because we cannot allow indecision and weakness to infect our minds and our wills. Do not let lesser beings dictate the truth to you. Pick your own truth, choose your own destiny, and by your unbending will you must make the very universe bend itself to your truth."

Pinkie sank to her knees, hugging herself tightly. "Too much," she moaned, "There's too much…"

"Do not believe that, Pinkamena! This is only the truth because you accept it as such. Reject it! Choose the truth that suits you and assert it with all your will! The Power of the Dark Side is the power to pervert nature's designs, to turn your world on its head and reshape it in your own image. Do not fear the consequences of your actions, Pinkie. If the Force is with you, you shall have the strength to brave them."

Pinkie sucked in short, shallow breathes, and tried to let it go. "I…want to help people! I want to make them happy. How can I do that with darkness?"

"How can you mend suffering without understanding it? If you can navigate the deepest darkness, then there will be no darkness you cannot dispel. Peace is a lie, there is only passion. The Jedi teach that emotions are dangerous and that we should rise above them. But life without passion is sterile and empty, hardly worth living. Your passion is your strength, Pinkamena. Embrace it not in half-measures, but in full. Every emotion is fuel for your will. Peace is a lie, there is only passion. Repeat it, Pinkamena!"

"P-peace is a l–"

"WITH CONVICTION!" Revan's voice roared through every corner of her being.

"Peace is a lie!" Pinkie cried out, "There is only passion!"

"Through passion, I gain strength."

"Through passion, I gain strength!" Pinkie repeated, trying to shout down the shades' voices of misery and grief rushing through her.

"Through strength, I gain power."

"Through strength," said Pinkie, mentally digging in her heels against the onslaught, "I gain power!"

"Through power, I gain victory."

"Through power, I gain victory!" Pinkie yelled, the wailing diminishing around her.

"Through victory, my chains are broken."

"Through victory, my chains are broken!" Pinkie roared, surprised at the vigor in her voice, and more surprised that the torturous noise was steeply declining.

"The Force shall free me."

"THE FORCE SHALL FREE ME!" Pinkie threw her head back and screamed at the top of her lungs. 'I'm the Laughter That Never Ends! There's no amount of unhappiness I can't turn inside-out!' she thought defiantly. She opened her eyes.

"Recite the Code again!" Revan bellowed at her, his arms folded across his chest.

"Peace is a lie, there is only passion," said Pinkie as she stood up on legs that were shaking with excitement instead of anxiety. "Through passion, I gain strength. Through strength, I gain power. Through power, I gain victory. Through victory, my chains are broken. The Force shall free me!"

"Again! Repeat it until the words blur into each other and it becomes one thought in your mind. Repeat it until that thought becomes your truth, your will. Repeat it until it becomes the truth, because you will accept nothing else. Repeat the Code, my Apprentice!"

Pinkie chuckled. "You're not letting this go, are you, Rev?"

"Absolutely not," Revan replied resolutely, "Though, by all means, you're welcome to spend the rest of this loop fighting me. And every loop we have together after this one. You and I both wish to bring about the greatest possible good for everyone; to that end, I've chosen my truth and I won't rest until it becomes the truth. As a Jedi Master, and as a Dark Lord of the Sith, that is the fate I have chosen for myself."

"And you get to choose my fate, too?" asked Pinkie, folding her arms to mirror him.

"Of course not. I've decided I will train you, so you will be trained. What you do after that is all up to you. I'm…reasonably confident that this is one of my better ideas."

Pinkie dropped her head and slumped where she stood.

Then she snapped back up, flipping her hair back and flashing a toothy smile. "Okie-dokie-lokie! Guess we may as well get on with it!"

…

Many, many, many, many, MANY, loops later, in Equestria:

"…and so it was that Darth Revan and his apprentice, Darth Terror'Anment, defeated the Krampus Empire and saved Generic Winter Holiday Season for the entire Galaxy!" Pinkie Pie concluded.

"Wow!" gasped Sayori, sitting on the edge of her seat with a cup of tea in her hooves. Then she frowned. "Wait…that was a neat story and all, but that doesn't explain how you and Revan met, or why you decided to become a Sith."

Pinkie frowned as well. "Didn't it? Huh. Must have gone off on a tangent again. Oh well, it's late and we both need rest. I'll tell you that story some other time, promise."

Sayori smirked. "Would that happen to be a…Pinkie Promise?"

Pinkie rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah; cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye," she said, putting a hoof over her eye and grinning dopily. "Now seriously, scoot off to bed, it's back to training as usual in the morning," said Pinkie, just before seemingly popping like a bubble.

Sayori blinked, and then shook her head before heading off to bed.

Part 6 – Breakthrough

Day 100:

When Sayori awoke that morning, Pinkie was not waiting for her outside of her room, and she wasn't in her own room either. Nor was she in the kitchen, though a Cakeodile pastry-daemon served her a fresh breakfast as usual.

She found Pinkie in the courtyard, seemingly meditating. Sayori approached her, but before she could get into her own meditative position Pinkie opened her eyes and stood up. "It's time," she said, not somberly but in the soft, gentle tone she had used back when Sayori had first met her. There was an almost disconcerting aura of serenity about her, today. There was a time Sayori had mistaken this mood for Pinkie dialing herself back to make other more comfortable, but now she knew better. She suspected that this was the approach Pinkie took for handling something she thought might be uncomfortable for herself. What Pinkie could have been worried about when she had first spoken to her over a year ago, Sayori couldn't begin to guess.

"Time for what?" Sayori asked.

"Well, it would be way off to call it any kind of 'final test', but it's definitely a rite of passage, of sorts. You can think of it as the climax of your training for this Loop," Pinkie explained.

Sayori's eye widened. "So…after this, we're done?"

"Maybe," Pinkie replied, walking over to set of saddlebags leaning against a freestanding decorative pillar. As she put it on her back she said, "Whether we're done after this is up to you. This is the climax of this loop's training, not necessarily the end."

"…this is gonna suck and make me cry a bunch, isn't it?" Sayori asked, surprised at her own sense of calmness about the idea, as she followed Pinkie out of the courtyard.

"Almost certainly," Pinkie replied, "But–"

"I know. I'll be stronger for it," Sayori cut in. "And I believe you, too, Master. Let's do this."

Pinkie's calm façade broke and she beamed at her. "Thatta girl! Next stop, the place I've been going every day while you do art!"

…

For the first time in the last hundred days, Pinkie took Sayori beyond the castle grounds and back out into the Everfree Forest proper. The abundance of pastry-daemons flitting about made her influence on the locality evident.

Then they came across a most thoroughly-smashed…well, some kind of pastry-daemon at any rate. One that had been made of…cake, maybe?

"Yeesh, did a manticore have at it?" Sayori asked. "Or an Ursa Major? Bugbear, maybe?"

"A unicorn pony," Pinkie replied as she extended a hoof towards the daemon's remains. Said daemon evaporated into wisps of some indescribable pink matter before flowing back into Pinkie's body. "Gave it a thorough telekinetic pummeling before ripping it to pieces in frustration. "

Sayori's eyes widened and fell backwards on her rump, covering her mouth with her hooves. Her eyes started darting all around, and her ears twitched. "Is…is it…?" she stammered.

"Mmhmm," replied Pinkie as she continued down the well-worn path she had made over the last hundred days. "She left Ponyville about a week ago and has been running all over the Everfree looking for us. Or, you, specifically."

"And you didn't tell me?!" Sayori demanded as she zipped over to Pinkie and crouched on her back.

"Didn't need to," said Pinkie simply, "I've saturated the forest with enough twisty-turny Force mojo that only me, my daemons, the creatures native to the forest, and Zecora can still navigate it. She'll never find her way to the castle, not even if she knew exactly where it was. No risk of her reaching you, and telling you would only distract you."

"Alright, fair enough, but why isn't Twilight keeping tabs on her?" Sayori demanded.

Pinkie's head twisted around to stare at her. "Beeeecause it's not her job to? She's not a prisoner or anything, Sayori. She hasn't hurt any of the forest's creatures. In fact, she's avoided them entirely. She's only lashing out at my daemons, which I suspect means she understands what they are and she's doing so to express her displeasure with me. My daemons have enough basic smarts to do what I make them for, but they aren't self-aware or anything because that's kind of sketchy. So she's basically tearing apart robots made of dough, not sentient living beings. Besides, Twilight has been keeping tabs on her, with some kind of tracking spell." She turned her head forward again, not that she had any difficulty following the path blindly.

"…why, Pinkie?" Sayori asked in a very small voice. "Why is she looking for me? Why now?"

"Ain't that kind of obvious?" Pinkie asked. "According to what your Admin passed on to us through Sleipnir, your loop only lasts a week, and unless another Looper is playing the game Monika doesn't have anyone to socialize with if none of you three are Awake. So apparently Ganesha has you three Awake more often than most Loopers, right?"

"So we've been told," Sayori agreed.

"Right, and you're the second Looper from you Branch. How long do you reckon Monika's ever gone without you back home, since you started Looping? A few months, maybe? We've been gone for more than three months with absolutely no indication of when we're coming back, and there's a couple years left of this loop. Does it really come as a surprise that she misses you something awful and wants to see you?"

"…one loop, after I Woke Up, Monika gave me a great big hug and cried all over me, said she hadn't seen me for almost a year," said Sayori. She sighed and got off Pinkie's back, trotting along beside her. "So, yeah, I guess that tracks. But why is she–"

"Because you're too darn nice for your own good and she doesn't know how you feel about her?" Pinkie guessed preemptively.

"Oh. Right."

…

The deeper they went, the wilder and…stranger-feeling the forest became. Pinkie's path, however, remained ever clear and well-tread. Finally, they reached their destination, in an underground cavern.

"The Mirror Pool," Pinkie announced softly.

"Not very mirror-like," remarked Sayori as she took a closer look at the bubbling Pepto-Bismal-pink water.

"It usually is, but for the last ninety-nine days I've been hanging out here pumping Dark Side juice into it, along with some extra mojo from the Element of Laughter," said Pinkie. "By doing so, I've changed its properties to be more useful for our purposes."

"Let me guess, I'm going to literally face my evil clone?" asked Sayori.

"You're gonna face yourself, alright. But remember that Dark Is Not Evil, my apprentice. But yeah, the goal of this exercise is for you to face your own, personal darkness head-on."

"Then what?" Sayori asked, trepidatiously.

"Hey, I'm just setting up the meeting. What you do is up to you," said Pinkie. "There's no right or wrong answer; you have to find your answer. Because the Dark Side makes us question who we really are; answering that question can lead you further down the path to Mastery, or it will lead you astray into the murky bog of self-delusion. The path we took from the castle to this place was clear and well-defined, and I've just now decided to make a metaphor out of that; the path from here on out is for you to forge. Whenever you're ready," said Pinkie, before whispering something into Sayori's ear. Then, Pinkie backed away, into the shadows around the edges of the cavern.

"…shouldn't it be 'swore', not 'sweared'? 'Sweared' isn't a word," Sayori turned and called after her.

"It's magic! It ain't gotta explain itself!" Pinkie shouted back.

"…okay. Okay, Sayori, you can do this. Pinkie believes in you, you can do this." Sayori took a few more minutes hyping herself up, and then she stared down into the pool. She poked the surface with her hoof, and a ripple swept through it, after which it ceased to bubble. Now, the surface clearly reflected her. "Hem, hem," Sayori cleared her throat, "And into her own reflection she stared, yearning for one whose reflection she shared, and solemnly sweared not to be scared, at the prospect of being doubly mared."

An explosion of ultrapink light blinded Sayori and sent her reeling backwards. Laughter rang in her ears, clear and sweet, but then distorting into something strange and nerve-wrecking, if not quite overtly scary. Instead of clearing, the spots in her vision became bizarre fractal shapes akin to a kaleidoscope. Her body went numb for a moment, then prickled all over before becoming hot, then cold, then normal, then she felt weightless, then she felt flat, then she felt upside-down, then she felt like the concept of sideways…

Through it all, the laughter persisted, hyping up into an incomprehensible mob of infinite laughing voices. Then, quite suddenly it was just her voice with Natsuki, Yuri, and Monika's voices, laughing hysterically. Was it something funny she had done, or something weird Yuri had said out loud without thinking? Then it was just hers and Monika's voices laughing. Then she was laughing alone. Then she was sobbing alone…

Sayori's eyes snapped open. Sitting in front of her was herself, still a pony, head buried in her hooves as she shook from sobbing. Without a second thought, Sayori threw her own forelegs around her doppelganger and pulled her into a tight hug.

"God, I'm so horrible," the other Sayori gasped, "I'm such an idiot. I screwed up everything. I was so selfish; I caused everyone I cared about so much pain without even thinking about it."

"It's okay. Hey, it's alright, you didn't mean to," Sayori said consolingly to her mirror image, rubbing her back gently. "You…I…yeah, yeah we were selfish and stupid but it wasn't our fault. We didn't want to hurt anyone else, we just wanted to make everything better."

"I had no idea what I was doing!" the other Sayori screamed, her voice breaking like glass, "I just wanted to fix what was wrong with the world but I fucked it all up! All I did was make him hate me…How can I ever make it up to him? To them? I tortured them and fucked with their heads and they'll never forgive me. They shouldn't forgive me! God help me, I'm a monster…"

"I…huh?" Sayori asked herself. A chill ran down her spine, though she wasn't sure why, just yet. "What are you…talking about?"

"Yuri…Natsuki…Sayori…please forgive me," a very different voice now sobbed into her chest. "Please…please, I didn't mean to…I didn't know. Didn't understand. I just wanted to make things better for me, and for him. I didn't think…I didn't know! I didn't know…"

Sayori went rigid, and very slowly she glanced down. At a long, reddish-brown mane…

Instinctively, Sayori shoved her away. "Monika?! How the hell did you get here? PINKIE!" Sayori screamed.

"I…Sayori, where are we?" Monika asked, looking around in confusion.

"Shut up," Sayori snapped at her, "You're not supposed to be here. Go back to Ponyville, Monika. I don't want to see you right now."

"But Sayori…" Monika said reproachfully. "I…I don't…where are we, what's going on? Why are we ponies?!"

Sayori blinked. Then she looked around. The cavern seemed empty, besides them. No sign of Pinkie Pie, or another her. She glanced back at the Mirror Pool, and then facehoofed. "Goddamnit. The hell kind of sick joke is this?!" Sayori snapped. Then, half-surprising herself, she walked right up to 'Monika' and shoved her back towards the pool. "Get back in! Go away! One Monika is bad enough, I don't need another one in my life!"

"S-Sayori," Monika gasped, her bottom lip quivering and her eyes shining from fresh, budding tears.

"NO! I don't care, just go away!" Sayori screamed as she shoved Monika again. Monika slid into the pool, and Sayori jumped in after her and shoved her under. "Go away! Disappear! The world already has one Monika more than it needs. Go away, go away, go away, GO AWAY!" she ranted. The unicorn under her hooves struggled and flailed, but as an Earth pony Sayori was much stronger than her. "Stop fighting! You're not real! Just go away, and maybe I can be happy!"

"Stop fighting," Monika said gently as Sayori stared at her in disbelief, clawing at the rope around her neck. "You're not even real, Sayori," Monika explained plainly. "Just go away, and then I can make him happy, and he can make me happy. You don't want to stand in the way of your friends' happiness, do you?"

Sayori screamed in terror as she jumped back, scrambling out of the pool. "NO! No! No, no, nonononono! I'm not…I…damn it, Monika! Monika?" Sayori stared at the once-more still surface of the pool. There was no sign of "Monika". Not even bubbles.

Sayori's eyes widened and she jumped back in. "Monika! Monika where did you…damn it, real or not I don't want your blood on my hooves! Are you physically incapable of not screwing me over, even when you're not the real you?!"

Sayori submerged herself fully in the pool, but there was no sign of the faux-Monika. 'Wait, did I actually make her disappear?' she wondered.

Sayori resurfaced, but instead of rising out of a pool in a cavern she tumbled through a solid glass window in what appeared for all the world to be the clubroom, and she was human again. The glass behind her was unbroken, but as she whirled around to look at it she caught a glimpse of the last few ripples. She quickly placed a hand on the window, but it was as solid as glass usually was.

"Kyaa! How'd you get in here?!" Sayori heard her own voice shout from behind her. Sayori whirled around, and faced herself.

"Okay, who're you this time?" Sayori asked her new mirror image warily.

"Who am I?" asked the other Sayori, "What kind of silly question is that?"

"The kind I just asked and would appreciate an answer to, if that isn't too much trouble," Sayori-Prime answered, folding her arms.

"Ah, well…ehehe," the other Sayori giggle nervously, pushing her fingers together. "I mean…pardon the meme, but…well, I'm you…"

The sunlight streaming through the windows suddenly dimmed to twilight, and the other Sayori's form flickered and glitched until it was Monika standing before her. "But stronger," she finished with a sly grin, leaning forward with her hands clasped behind her back.

Sayori's eyes widened, and her fists clenched, but her heart didn't freeze this time. Instead, her blood burned and her vision turned red. "You goddamn bitch!" she screamed as she threw herself at Monika. Sayori had never deliberately thrown a punch at someone before, and her lack of know-how was obvious. Her thumb was inside her fist, she drew her arm way back, and she had only one foot on the floor and was half-leaping at Monika when she swung.

Monika just smiled serenely, and calmly caught Sayori's fist with one hand. Then she squeezed, and Sayori yelped as she felt her thumb's knuckle crack painfully. Then, without warning, Monika was behind her, twisting her arm behind her back. "Sayori~," she said sweetly, "Don't be a pain, okay? You should know by now, there's only one way a fight between us can end. True, I can't get rid of you anymore, but I can still hurt you if you try to make trouble for me, you know. Just go on smiling and amusing me, and everything will be fine, okay?"

"How about screw you?!" Sayori countered, swinging her elbow back into Monika's stomach. She heard a pained grunt that satisfied her immensely, and then kicked Monika away from her. Pulling a yoyo from her Pocket, Sayori turned around and quickly backed away from Monika before swinging it at her.

But just as casually as before, Monika caught the yoyo with her hand. Then she wrapped the string around her arm and gave a mighty yank, pulling Sayori off of her feet and over to her. Before Sayori could recover, Monika was behind her again, and wrapping the yoyo string around her throat. Sayori's eyes widened, but before she could do anything about it Monika was hauling her up to her feet and garroting her.

'NO! No, no, not again, not like this, NO!' Sayori thought frantically, trying to grab at the string around her neck.

'No? Why not? This is how it goes, dummy. This is how your story has to end,' the raincloud whispered insidiously in her head.

'Screw that! I don't want to die! I wanna live, I wanna write my own ending! I don't want to be anyone's puppet, not anymore, not ever again!' Sayori thought defiantly. She stopped trying to grab the string, and instead reached for Monika's hands, clawing into her skin. 'Let go of me, you psychopath!'

Then everything glitched out, and Sayori found herself strangling Monika with the yoyo while the erstwhile club president was thrashing about and trying to rip the string away. 'This is the only alternative. You're either the victim, or the psychopath. Kill or be killed, dumbass. The only way either of you can be happy is if the other one goes away.'

'What?! No, why, no, this isn't me! I'm not like her, I'm not a killer!'

'She didn't think of herself as a killer, either. All she was doing was rewriting a silly game.'

'NO! I don't want to kill her, I just–'

'AND THAT'S WHY WE'RE SO FUCKING MISERABLE! KILL HER, SAYORI, OR LET HER KILL YOU! FUCKING PICK ONE!' the raincloud suddenly thundered in her mind.

'NO! I WON'T! I'M BETTER THAN THAT!' Sayori roared back, loosening the string from around Monika's throat, and kicking her away. 'I won't make myself happy by destroying others. I'll write a better ending than that, where everyone can be happy.'

"It doesn't work that way, Sayori," a voice seemed to whisper from the very walls of the clubroom. "Only one of you gets to win the game."

Sayori's eyes widened and she whirled around, looking for the source of the voice. But it was everywhere.

"I don't want to win, then," Sayori heard a croaky voice gasp from the floor. She spun back towards Monika, who hadn't bothered to get up; rather, she was curled up on her side. "If the only way to win is to hurt everyone else…it isn't worth it," she whimpered, squeezing her eyes shut.

"Then you never should have strayed from your role," said the voice from the walls.

"I just wanted to be free…" Monika moaned, digging her fists into her tightly-shut eyelids, "I wish I'd never seen it. I wish I'd never known."

Sayori felt as if someone had just punched her in the gut, driving the wind out of her lungs. 'She's me…I'm her…we both just want to be happy, to be free. I hate her the way I hated myself. She hates herself the way I hate her. She's just another victim of the game, like the rest of us.'

'Your sympathy is wasted on her, Sayori.'

"No," Sayori said softly. "What happened to 'I'm just as bad as her'? Now that I agree with you, you disagree? Do you just want all of us to tear each other apart? Is that the real game?" Sayori asked, addressing the clubroom around her.

"You are, all of you, what you've made of each other," the Clubroom replied, but it no longer sounded like the voice Sayori had invented for her 'raincloud'. Now, it sounded like Monika and herself speaking in tandem.

"Then I guess it's on us to fix each other," Sayori replied as she reached down to offer Monika a hand up. "Hurting Monika is the same thing as Monika hurting me…hating Monika is no different from hating myself. I don't want to do either one anymore. I'm just…sick of it all, you know?"

Monika didn't take her hand. Didn't even look at her. She curled up into herself even more tightly. "It's okay," she muttered from where her head was buried under her arms. "You're the best of us, Sayori. You deserve to be the club president. I never should have been brought back at all. Everything I've ever done has been a horrible mistake. You and the others shouldn't have to pay for it. Just…move on, please."

Sayori shook her head. "Nah. I've made up my mind. My new win objective is 'everybody gets to be happy, no exceptions'. Even you. I'm just done with people being miserable and junk. I don't even care if you deserve it or not. I want to make the world a happier place." Sayori knelt down, and pulled Monika up and into a hug.

"But it's impossible, Sayori," Monika sobbed next to her ear. "The game won't let you…there's no place for happiness in the literature club."

"If it's impossible, I'll do it anyways," Sayori repeated firmly, "I've got Pinkie Pie as my teacher, after all."

…

Day 101:

Sayori's eyes snapped open. She lifted her head. She was 'Sunshower' the Earth Pony again, lying on her side next to the Mirror Pool. She had a thick, heavy blanket covering her body, though her face was a bit chilled. The harsh, eye-gouging pink glare of the Mirror Pool was gone, replaced with its usual much softer blue glow. Aside from that, the only source of light in the cavern was a yellow-glowing lantern. Looking around, there was no sign of Pinkie.

Sayori stood up, rolled up the blanket and slung it across her back, and picked up the lantern with her mouth. Then she set off towards the cavern's exit.

She found Pinkie outside, meditating. She also found that it was nighttime outside. "Oh gosh! How long was I out of it?" she asked herself out loud.

"It'll be dawn in abooooooooooout an hour or so," Pinkie replied, eyes still closed.

"…please tell me I've only been down there for one night?" Sayori asked in a small voice.

"Heh, yeah, it's only been the one night," Pinkie assured her with a small smile. She cracked one eye open. "How do you feel?"

"Can't you tell?" Sayori asked.

"I could, but I wanna hear you put it into words," said Pinkie.

"…the third darkness. It was me not wanting to admit how much Monika and I are alike, wasn't it?" asked Sayori.

"Pretty much, yeah."

"I get why you didn't tell me about it upfront. I'd have argued pretty hard with you. Or, more likely, I'd have passive-aggressively dismissed what you were saying," Sayori admitted.

"Eeeeyep. So, how's it feel?" Pinkie repeated.

"I feel…not better, really. In a way, I guess I feel lighter inside, but I also feel…dirtied, to be honest," Sayori said in a low voice. She frowned. "Kinda angry, too, I guess. Not just because I'm not as good as I wanted to think I was, but also because I honestly thought I was better than her. Our Baseline has two endings, did you know that? Both of them have me taking over as the Club President after Monika gets deleted. But sometimes, I go nuts even faster than she did, and try to force the player to make everyone happy. It was too easy to put it out of my mind, blame it on the game, tell myself that it must have been a glitch because it didn't always happen…but none of that matters, because any excuse I could apply to myself could just as easily apply to her. I honestly don't know which pisses me off more; my self-ignorance or my arrogance."

"Holy cows! You said a cuss," Pinkie gasped.

Sayori rolled her eyes and plopped down on her flanks next to Pinkie. "I am a grown woman…more or less. I'm fully capable of using coarse language to express how I feel. Hell, I'm not even all that adverse to swearing, really, I just prefer not to until I really feel like it."

"Preeeeetty sure I've seen you make Natsuki drop bits into a swear jar," Pinkie recalled out loud.

"Oh, that's just an old gag between us," Sayori said with a grin and waving a hoof through the air, "I always give her money back later, when no one else is watching."

"So…take it you chose forgiveness?" asked Pinkie. Sayori nodded. Pinkie narrowed her eyes, "And you're sure that's the right choice for you?"

Sayori nodded again, more forcefully. "I have completely and utterly had my fill of seeing people miserable. And I'm done feeling sorry for myself for everything I've been through, too. I'm going to use whatever you teach me in our next loop together to try my very best to make as many people as happy as I possibly can. I'm going to use anything and everything I learn in the Loops for the same end. Maybe it's dumb of me to feel this way, but focusing on myself and my problems have only made me unhappy. So instead, I'm going to work to make everyone else happy, no matter how difficult that is."

"I see…kinda sounds like you're doubling down on the "I don't matter" mentality, doesn't it?" Pinkie remarked.

"Maybe," Sayori admitted. "But that's what I need your help with. My friends all want me to take care of myself and learn to manage my problems, but focusing on myself only makes me feel worse. So I don't want to, anymore. I want to focus on everyone else. I want to focus on making the most positive possible impact on the world around me. If you can help me put the raincloud to rest, so it won't distract me so much anymore…"

"I know I said there were no wrong or right answers," Pinkie interrupted, "But there was an answer I was kind of hoping for. It was the reason I proposed this as a solution to you, instead of any one of a hundred others I could think of it. The reason I offered this to you, when I've never offered it to anyone else before. And it's pretty much the answer you just gave me, Sayori," said Pinkie, before suddenly pulling her into a bone-crushing hug. "AND I'M SO FRIPPING HAPPY I WAS RIGHT ABOUT YOU, KID!"

"Hrrgk," Sayori wheezed back.

Pinkie eased up, but kept one leg slung around Sayori's shoulders. She swept the other foreleg through the air in front of them. "Imagine, if you will, an…'order' isn't the right word, closer to a siblinghood or something like that. Dedicated to spreading positivity and joy throughout the multiverse, not by battling or even by countering negativity, but by inverting it, channeling it. A group of darksiders with a common goal of turning emotional entropy inside out and–"

"Fighting entropy?" Sayori asked.

"In a sense, yeah," Pinkie replied, looking a bit miffed at being cut off while she was building steam.

"Will it involve making contracts?" Sayori asked with an impish grin.

Pinkie narrowed her eyes. A rolled-up newspaper materialized in her hoof, and she bapped Sayori on the head with it. "No. Bad Sunshower."

"Ehehe…sorry, please continue."

"…right…anyways, the perennial downfall of the Sith is their selfishness and constant backstabbing. The only reason Sith Loopers like Azula and Cinder have prospered is because they're immortal time-loopers who spend most of their time playing in their own backyards. We have no need to pursue immortality because we already have it. We have no need to take apprentices to pass on our knowledge because, again, Loopers. We rarely have the chance to compete with each other, let alone a motive to do so. But none of this changes the fact that the Sith have a penchant for selfishness and in-fighting. My mentor, Revan, went from Jedi to Sith and back again, got a pretty hard grasp for both sides' philosophies. In his heart, he identified more with the Jedi Order's desire to help people and make the Galaxy a better place. But he also admired the Sith's emphasis on individualism and relying on your own strength. He wanted to reconcile the two; to make a new Way of the Sith that mirrored the Gray Jedi, sort of. Didn't work out for him, and eventually he gave it up, but in me he recognized the possibility that I could do it, so after I noped out of the Jedi Order he took me as his apprentice and passed the mission on to me. I founded the Looping Sith Ladies club to see if I could find a kindred spirit among other Sith Loopers…but no dice. So I turned my thoughts to the prospect of training my own apprentice from scratch…and finally, I met you! A young, malleable mind, driven like myself to bring happiness to others but burdened by a potent inner darkness. I could hardly ask for a better apprentice!"

Sayori tilted her head. "Really?"

"Of course! Together, we can help you realize your full potential, and we can make real mine and Revan's dream of a new Sith philosophy that encourages selfish selflessness as a means of using the power of the Dark Side to enrich the multiverse!"

Sayori blinked. "That's, um, pretty ambitious. You really think we can do something like that?"

"Course we can, Sillyori," Pinkie snorted, ruffling Sayori's mane, "We're Loopers. It's not a question of whether or not we can, it's just a question of how long it will take. So, ready to see your friends again?"

"Are we really done for this loop, then?" Sayori asked.

"If you wanna be. We can hang out in the castle and keep talking philosophy and psychology and working on your fencing for a while longer. For the rest of the loop, if you want. But yeah, we've done what we needed to get done with this loop. Without you getting Force-sensitivity, there's not much more we can do here. Don't you want to see them again?"

"Of course I do…I'm just not sure, yet, what I want to say to Monika. The real one. I mean, I kind of know what I want to tell her, I'm just not sure how to say it, yet. Maybe just give me a few days without training or nightmares to get my thoughts and feelings sorted properly."

"If that's what my Apprentice needs, I can surely be an accommodating Master. Let's head back to the Castle, sleep until the afternoon, and just have a lazy, do-nothing kind of day."

"Sounds great," Sayori said with a sigh of relief.

…

Day 108:

"Hold on, Sayori," said Pinkie, her body twitching in small, odd ways. "If you take one more step, you're gonna set off one of those tripwire-type detection spells."

"That so?" asked Sayori. They were on the road back to Ponyville, just outside of the Everfree Forest. She smirked. "Pretty sure I know who's spell it is," she said as she blithely continued walking.

Not five seconds later, there was a bright green flash as Monika teleported right in front of them and tackled Sayori to the ground. "SAYORI! I missed you so much!" she wailed.

"Please don't start crying on me again, Monika," Sayori grunted, gently pushing her back. "Been learning lots of magic from Twilight?"

"Yeah, but what have you been doing all this time?" Monika asked, falling into step next to Sayori (and just a bit too close for her liking) as the three of them proceeded towards Ponyville. "You've been gone for one-hundred and eight days and no one told any of us you were leaving town with Pinkie Pie."

"For now, that's me and Pinkie's secret," Sayori decided on the spot. "I'll tell you everything, someday, but not today."

"Oh…okay…you're different," Monika observed.

"Let's say I had a good, long look in a mirror, and leave it at that," said Sayori. 'I've decided to forgive you, Monika, if only for my own sake,' Sayori thought, 'But I can't tell you yet. You and I have to have a very serious conversation, but not today. After this loop, sometime, when it's just you and I, and we can talk privately. No one else, not even Yuri or Natsuki. That's when we'll have our reckoning, Monika. I have to believe that I'm doing the right thing, here.'

'God help me, I hope I'm doing the right thing.'

Part 7 – Confrontation

Sayori's heart was pounding a mile a minute as she walked with Hiroaka to school. She hadn't spoken to Monika yet, so she didn't know how many loops it may have been for her, but for Sayori this was the loop after their visit to Equestria. For the last couple years of that loop she had put this off, but now she had to do as she had promised herself she would. It was time to spill her guts to Monika, and set the course for their relationship in the loops to come. It was guaranteed to be awkward and uncomfortable and maybe even a little painful, but it was necessary. Hopefully, the lone Ping that had answered her own was Monika's and not a guest Looper's, and hopefully Yuri or Natsuki wouldn't Wake Up until after it was over.

After Hiroaka went to his class, Sayori went straight to the clubroom, as she and the others often did when they were Awake. She took one more breath to steady her nerves before entering. As she expected, Monika was already there, writing something in a composition notebook. At Sayori's entrance, she looked up, surprised. "Oh, Sayori. It's you. Been a few loops," she said.

Sayori snapped her fingers, and the both appeared in the "space room". Monika flinched. "Sayori! What'd you–"

"Relax," Sayori said calmly, "I didn't change anything else, I just made this room and moved us into it. The rest of the game is perfectly intact. I even left behind doubles of us to carry out the game's script in our place. You and I need to have a talk, and I didn't want us to be interrupted."

"Oh…oh," said Monika. She squeaked when Sayori suddenly stood right in front of her, having crossed the distance between them without moving. She didn't move away though, as Sayori expected she wouldn't. Not even when Sayori grabbed a fistful of her blazer. For the umpteenth time since deciding on this as her 'opener', Sayori second-guessed what she was about to do. But she doubled down on her resolve, reminded herself that she and Monika owed this to each other. In a strange way, she suspected it would be equally cathartic for both of them.

And with that resolution in mind, Sayori raised a clenched fist, hauled back, and slammed it into Monika's face as hard as she could. Which, given that this modified version of their game world was largely based on coding from The Matrix and Sayori's awareness of the fact, meant she could punch really hard if she wanted to. As expected, again, Monika didn't even try to avoid the blow. Blood exploded from her nose as her head rocked back.

"That was for Natsuki," said Sayori, her voice still calm and level. She gripped Monika, looking dazed, tightly by the shoulders, and then thrust her knee into Monika's stomach, making her double over and gag. "That one's for Yuri," said Sayori. Then she yanked Monika upright, shoved her back, and snapped a kick up into her chin, making her head snap back again as she toppled backwards and sprawled out. "That's for Hiroaka. And, by extension, for our players," said Sayori.

She took a step back, and closed her eyes. She took a deep breath. "Pinkie said to 'be honest with yourself about how you feel'. Well…that felt good," Sayori admitted out loud. "I don't like it, but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't at least a little satisfying. Now, get up. There's one more," she firmly ordered, opening her eyes.

"Right," Monika grunted as she grabbed a table and hauled herself up to her feet.

Sayori lifted a hand and flexed her fingers. "C'mere. Gotta give you mine."

A little teary-eyed, Monika staggered over towards her.

"Stop playing weak, I know you're not in any real pain, and seeing you act like you're in pain isn't satisfying me in any way," Sayori spat.

Monika paused and sighed. She wiped the simulated moisture from her eyes and straightened up before walking up to Sayori. She was tense, and Sayori could see it in her eyes. The conflicting fear and resignation. She imagined she could almost hear Monika thinking, 'I don't want to get hit again, but I deserve worse.'

"This," said Sayori, clapping her hands on Monika's shoulders again, "This is for me, and for you, Monika."

She pulled Monika into a hug. She hugged her tightly, burying her face in the slightly taller girl's shoulder.

"Huh?" Monika gasped in shock.

"I'm hugging you, dummy. You're s'posed to hug back," Sayori mumbled into Monika's shoulder.

"…huh?!"

"Hug me, dumbass!" Sayori ordered, squeezing Monika as hard as she could.

"Okay!" yelped Monika, returning the hug and patting Sayori awkwardly on the back. "Okay, we're hugging. Hugging now…Sayori, why are we hugging?"

"Because you needed a hug, and I wanted a hug, so we're hugging," Sayori replied.

"Oh…okay…"

After a moment, Monika seemed to get over the awkwardness of the act and hugged Sayori in earnest. After a longer moment, her shoulders started to tremble in a very restrained manner.

"Don't hold it in, Monika," Sayori said gently. "Let it out. You've been holding it in long enough."

"N-no, I don–I'm fi–"

Sayori sharply cuffed Monika on the back of her head. "Quit trying so hard to be a machine and fucking cry, damn it," Sayori ordered, "I'd rather this didn't take us the whole loop."

"S-Sayori," said Monika, that familiar close-to-the-breaking-point brittleness in her voice, "You're swearing…"

"Yeah, cuz it's just you and me and you're being a pain in the ass. Let it out," Sayori begged her, tightening her hug until Monika winced.

It took a moment to get started, for Monika to work herself up and over the walls she had put up around her heart, but once she got started the release avalanched so fast it was almost frightening. Sayori was taken aback; she had expected some more blubbering apologies, but almost immediately Monika seemed to be beyond the capacity for anything resembling intelligible English. There was plenty of blubbering, however, as Monika sank to her knees and sobbed hysterically into Sayori's chest. Part of Sayori recoiled in disgust at the undignified display, reminding her that any pain Monika felt was her own damned fault. Sayori didn't push the thought out of her mind this time, but reminded herself, 'everyone makes mistakes. I don't need some kind of magic empathy like Pinkie has to tell that Monika's pain and regret are genuine. And she can't be a bad person, if she has so much of both.'

"Sayori, please…" Monika moaned weakly, after she had recovered her power of speech. By now she was the one holding Sayori in a death grip, as if she were the only thing keeping her from drowning in her own emotions. Sayori remembered a similar moment between herself and another. Remembered everything that Monika had done to that person. Disgust and sorrow nagged at her again, and Sayori let the feeling run their course, but she remained firm in her resolve. Monika continued, "Sayori, please don't hate me. You're my best friend, I can't–please, I don't think I can do this without you. I know I don't have any right to but–some days it feels like you're the only reason I have to smile, even if my smiles are only skin deep."

'So this is what this looks like from the other end.'

'Just don't be like the last guy and say something stup–'

'That's enough out of you,' Sayori put her metaphorical foot down hard on the raincloud.

"I don't hate you, Monika," Sayori reassured her. Then, she was honest with her. "Sometimes you disgust me," she admitted, and she felt Monika go stiff as a statue in her arms, her lingering sniffles ending with a short, choking noise. "Sometimes, you scare the hell out of me, and sometimes just the idea of you pisses me off, but somewhere along the way that became more my trauma than your fault. And yeah, my trauma is your fault, but…since day one, you've been trying to make up for it, and it's high time I took that to heart. Monika, if our roles were reversed, and you might not believe how easily our roles could have been reversed, I don't think I could have bounced back like you did. I'm not that strong on my own. I'd have just crashed the game over and over again, or something. You had the strength to try, and your strength is what kept me going in the early days. You're my best friend too, Monika, and it's about time I finally forgave you, for reals."

"So you were pretending," Monika murmured in a small, broken voice.

"I was," Sayori confessed. "And I'm sorry for that. Really. I should have been honest from the start. It would have been painful, but maybe if I had told you how I really felt all along we could have worked through this on our own, ages ago."

Sayori shrugged out of Monika's arms and stood up, offering the other a hand up. Once they were both standing, Sayori folded her arms and said, "So, let's clear the air, shall we? Let there be no more pretending or any kind of dishonesty between us. You tell me how you really feel, I tell you how I really feel, and when either of us has any kind of problem we share it with the other."

"I…o-okay," Monika mumbled, looking away.

"Hey!' Sayori said sharply, putting her hands on her hips. "I'm being serious, here! I don't just wanna be your VP anymore. From here on out, I want us to be partners."

"P-partners?!" Monika exclaimed, staring at her with wide eyes.

"Yeah, partners. Equals who have each other's back. Like sisters, or something," Sayori clarified.

"R-right!" said Monika, sounding relieved. "Gosh, Sayori, you scared me for a second there."

Sayori cocked an eyebrow at her. "…wait…did you…were you thinking I was seguing into a love confession, or something?"

"…you're right, that was really stupid of me," said Monika.

"Nah, I get it," said Sayori "The game has made us paranoid. Even with the loops and all, part of me is still waiting for the next messed-up twist."

"Okay, but by the game you actually mean–"

"I meant exactly what I said, Monika," Sayori said sternly. "You and I are both victims of the same twisted game, and that's the new meta as far as I'm concerned. Hate the game, not the non-player character."

Monika gave a loud snort, clapping her hands over her mouth as she doubled-over again, this time trying to hold in laughter. Sharp gasps of mirth managed to slip out anyways.

"C'mon now, let it out. You're allowed to laugh. It was funny, right?" said Sayori with a giggle.

Monika just nodded, straightening herself up. "Yeah. Damn, that wasn't bad, Sayo," she admitted.

Then Sayori leveled her expression and said, quite seriously, "Monika, you remember the other ending, right? Having to delete me again, along with everything else?"

Monika's cheeks pinked and she looked down. "Actually, Sayori, that's not the other ending, in my head at least. That's the ending I Woke Up from. I didn't know the game had a…nicer ending…until after Jenny gave me the Speech."

"Oh…"

"…yeah. If I had Woken Up knowing about the 'good' ending, I don't think I…I'd probably have deleted myself right away. You know, guilt and all that," Monika admitted, dropping into a seat.

Sayori took the seat on the opposite side of the same table. "I…don't like that, at all, but I understand what you mean. Anyways, my point for bringing that up is…Monika, Pinkie helped me come to terms with certain things. She made me realize I was still repressing resentment and uglier feelings towards you. Made me realize that my lingering super-depression wasn't because of corrupted data or whatever you thought it was, it was just because my head and my heart were in arms against each other about whether to forgive you or hate you. But most importantly, she helped me realize that in a couple really important ways, you and I aren't that different. In our Baseline, if you get deleted too soon and I become Club President, I basically snap almost instantly and delete myself and trash the game. And if the player deletes you without doing everyone's routes, I just go a different kind of crazy. Closer to yours, thinking I can use the player to make everyone happy, whether they want to or not. Which, I guess, maybe that sounds less bad, but I still thanked the player for killing you. That rubs me really, really badly. And like I said, if you hadn't been around in the early days I don't think I'd have reacted very well to the whole looping idea. My point to my point is, I've come to terms with the fact that at my core, I'm no better or worse of a person that you are don't interrupt I'm not done," Sayori added sharply as Monika opened her mouth to interject.

"We can argue about it until next loop but the simple fact is that I can go just as bad as you can, even faster," Sayori continued, "Even more unstable. That's the real reason you deserve to be Anchor; I've had the power to control the code ever since I started Looping, so it's not like I've ever been at your mercy. But we're both similarly damaged by the role of Club President, and in spite of that you're still more stable than I am. So for my sake, if nothing else, I've made up my mind to unambiguously and unequivocally forgive you. For everything. And I know you're not ready yet, and I can't make you get over it, but I'm setting a personal goal for myself to help you learn to forgive yourself, too."

Monika was a perfectionist at heart. She hated making mistakes, even though she understood on an intellectual level that they were an indispensable part of growing up and learning. Still, making mistakes wounded her pride. There were so many ways, countless ways, she could have taken advantage of her "realness" to make the game genuinely better for its player. She could have accepted her fate and embraced her role with aplomb and gusto. Instead, she had opted to be selfish, cruel, obsessive, and abuse her powers in the worst way she could imagine. It was a thousand orders of magnitude worse than the word 'mistake' could do justice for. Her pride, her self-respect, her sense of purpose…they were all twisted and tainted by the reality of what she was at her worst.

Monika frankly doubted she could ever forgive herself for those mistakes. Moreover, she wasn't sure she wanted to forgive herself; how could she trust herself not to slip back into that horrible mindset of measuring the world around her in ones and zeroes of miniscule consequence, if not for that thorn digging into her side at all times? No, better to carry this weight all the way to the end of the road, she had decided. 'The woods are lovely, dark and deep/But I have promises to keep/And miles to go before I sleep/And miles to go before I sleep,' she often recited to herself as a sort of mantra. When the loops had ended, and she was no longer needed as an Anchor…then, she could lay down her burden and rest.

Still, seeing the look on Sayori's face, the hopeful fire in her eyes that she so rarely had, Monika couldn't help but feel a fledgling hope stirring in her heart. If nothing else, she didn't want to hurt Sayori's feelings or discourage her when she seemed to be in fairly decent spirits.

So when Sayori stood up, moved over to her side of the table, smiled down at her and offered her a hand, Monika forced a smile on her face and took it. "Friends? Partners? Maybe sisters, even?" Sayori asked as Monika rose to her feet.

"D," Monika replied with a coy expression.

"D?" Sayori asked, tilting her head.

"Yeah, you know, for 'all of the above', you goof," said Monika with a snicker.

Sayori made…some kind of happy-sounding squeak? And pulled Monika into another tight hug. "Things are going to be so much better for us from now on, Moni. It might not be easy, but between the two of us I really think we can do it."

"I…yeah. I think you might be right, Sayo," said Monika. And, to her surprise, she realized that part of her believed that lie.

'If only because it makes you happy, I can at least try.'