28.1 – Sharkbait, OOO-HA-HA! by Masterweaver
"YOU WILL TAKE THAT SHARK AND KISS IT ON THE LIPS."
For a moment, there was complete silence.
"KISS IT," Sayori repeated, "ON THE LIPS."
Monika took a slow breath, and let it out. "Is this really about Bruce, Sayori?"
"KISS THE SHARK, DAMN IT!"
"Or are you overacting because you had a really bad loop?"
"…K-kiss the damn shark!" Sayori insisted, shoving the plush into Monika's face.
"Um–"
"Bruce I am sorry you got caught up in this but literally anything you could say would not help at the moment," Monika rattled off quickly. "Sayori, when I said I thought Bruce was a nice guy I didn't mean I wanted to date him, just that I thought he was a nice guy."
"Also I'm gay," Bruce added.
"Also he's gay," Monika acknowledged.
Sayori pouted. "But he won you this shark!"
Monika sighed. "Sayori…we were humoring you, but you're going too far. You don't usually do this, you usually call it off after…well, after I get kind of bored. Seriously, what happened to you last loop?"
"Also what's a loop?" Bruce asked.
"Existential crisis, the roller coaster," Monika explained.
"That…tells me nothing."
"It was a null loop," Sayori admitted quietly. "I replaced Harley Quinn."
Monika's eyes went wide. "Oh. Oh, damn, Sayori–you know what?" She took the large plush shark, kissed its forehead, and put it back in Sayori's hands. "We are getting you ice cream and cotton candy and fried food and then we are getting back home where you can sleep it all off, and then we are having a real talk tomorrow, okay?"
"…okay…"
Bruce watched the two girls walk off. "I…really don't even know what to make of today," he admitted to nobody in particular.
28.2 – It's a Fine Night Tonight, Wouldn't You Agree? Part 3 (THE LAST ONE!)
(DDLC)/(Hellsing)
(7.10, 9.9 con't)
Somehow, despite not being able to edit reality the way she could back home, in just a little less than forty-eight hours of nonstop labor Monika managed to repair all the damage she and Alucard had done to the Hellsing Estate during their impromptu run-and-gun shoot-out sparring match. She had actually expressly forbidden any of Integra's personnel from raising a finger to help her whenever they had offered.
"That President of yours has a commendable work ethic," the Lady of the house remarked as she toured the manor, inspecting the visiting Anchor's handiwork.
"That's Monika for you, ma'am. She has but one gear: All-Out," Yuri replied as she walked alongside her.
"I only hope she's prepared to spend the rest of the loop amusing my vampire as compensation for dismantling his favorite chew-toy," said Integra. "Though for a Looper, even an Anchor, as young as she is and without coming from a combat-oriented background, going toe-to-toe with Millennium all on her own and crushing them under heel is even more impressive still."
"If I know Monika as well as I think I do," said Yuri, "I'd bet my last hundred yen that the majority of the destruction was the result of sabotage and in-fighting."
"She did Replace the man largely responsible for creating Millennium's army of artificial vampires, so sabotage would make sense."
Integra and Yuri lapsed into silence as they descended into Alucard's lair, where they found the Count himself engaged with Monika in…a game of Go?
"You have got to me kidding me," Integra deadpanned.
"What, you don't like Go?" Monika asked, "And here I thought you were a woman of culture."
"I have nothing against the game, personally, I'm merely baffled by the idea that you wrangled him into sitting down for a game," Integra replied.
Alucard chuckled sardonically. "You wound me, my Master. While my passion for chess burned out centuries before I began Looping, this new game from the Far East is quite refreshing. As momentarily diverting as she was in our bout of marksmanship, I've discovered that in games of strategy, this little President is truly a worthy opponent."
"You're not too shabby yourself, Count," Monika reciprocated.
Integra's jaw dropped open. "I…what? What?! What did you do to him?" Integra asked Monika, beside herself with shock. "How did you get Alucard to…to act like his proper self again?!"
"Simple," replied Monika as she placed a white stone. "I employed the tried-and-true 'reset method', which is to say: I turned him off and on again."
Integra stared blankly at the back of Monika's head, while Yuri blushed furiously. "You what?" asked the Lady of the Manor stonily.
"I read to him an excerpt from a thesis paper I wrote 'On The International Influences of 19th-Century Russian Literature, From the 19th-Century to Present Day, Across All Forms of Media', until he fell asleep," Monika explained, "then I shot his head off, and after it grew back I asked him if he wanted to play Go. Not a hint of 'the Crimson Fucker' since."
"What excerpt?" Yuri spoke up.
"From page 172 to 214," replied Monika.
"Commendable that he didn't fall asleep on page 184," Yuri remarked.
"How long is this thesis paper of yours?" Integra asked.
"I'd tell you, if Yuri weren't here," said Monika, casting a sideways smirk at her friend. "None of the girls are allowed to know how long it is until they can stay awake through the whole thing."
"I'm proud to be the current record-holder," Yuri chimed in, "I've held out as far as page 906."
Integra blinked.
"I set a goal in mind to write something so dry and boring that it could sedate a heavily caffeinated Natsuki, while actually having intelligent content," said Monika, "And as with anything else once I've set my nose to the proverbial grindstone, I succeeded excessively."
"Like I said, she's only got one gear," Yuri said, turning to Integra with a small smile. She turned back to Monika, "By the way, I've been curious about something…what did you do with Schrodinger?"
"I've been wondering that as well, actually," spoke up Integra, "He's rather difficult to dispose with."
Monika sighed as she made another play. "See, this is the distinction between intelligence and true genius. A true genius never lets a valuable resource go to waste. I didn't dispose of Schrodinger…rather, I took advantage of my position in this loop to change his disposition."
Monika raised a hand and snapped her fingers, and suddenly a catboy clad in a Boy Scouts of America uniform was standing in their midst, saluting. "Good morning, Ms. Monika," he chirped.
Integra pinched the bridge of her nose and stared fishing her cigar case out of her pocket.
"Of course you would," Yuri said simply. She frowned thoughtfully, "So, what? You reprogrammed him, or something?"
"As easy as that would have been, given my position, no. Of course I didn't. I'd never forcefully rewrite a sentient mind like that, Yuri, you should know that. Besides, you'd be amazed what you can do with enough powdered actinidia polygama and a thorough lecture on what Nietzsche actually meant with his philosophies, in addition to a comprehensive course on Socratic and Platonic ethics. Schrodinger is now an altruist to the core, and as we speak he's voluntarily engaged in search-and-rescue ops in civilian areas suffering from natural disasters all over the planet. And for now, he's doing his best to stay under the media's radar, right?" she turned a playfully stern look towards the catboy of subject.
He lowered his saluting hand and nodded vigorously. "But of course, Ms. Monika," he said, before closing his eyes and lifting up a finger, reciting, "The utilitarian principles of Jeremy Bentham dictate that actions should be taken with consideration for what will bring 'the greatest amount of happiness to the greatest number of people', which must not only account for the people directly impacted by certain actions, but also how the greater masses will react to such actions. While I could be doing much more good with direct action right now, the sudden appearance of an empirically irrefutable omnipresent being would cause disquiet and unrest, and perhaps even panic, on a global scale. I understand that we must ease the world into being ready for my emergence."
"I know I'm not a very old Looper yet, but so far I haven't come up against a world so crapsack that it can't at least be improved with properly applied utilitarian theory paired with existentialist values," said Monika as she finished another play.
"How long have you two been playing?" asked Integra, consulting her watch.
"Since midnight-ish," replied Monika while Alucard scrutinized the board intently.
"…how long does a game of Go typically run for?"
"A game of Go proceeds until the players decide they are done making plays," explained Yuri, "then points are tallied based on stones captured and territory controlled, as well as compensation points for the White player. Or until one player resigns. In theory, a game can go on for days. Especially since Alucard is…Alucard…and Monika doesn't like to sleep unless she has a body that absolutely needs it."
"And even then, I still don't like it," said Monika with a wrinkled nose. "I make a point of collecting means of circumventing the body's need for sleep whenever I get the chance. Ironically, my home Loop is one where I don't have a physical need to sleep, but I do it anyways because even sleep is preferable to the alternative."
"Meaning when our game is closed and we go into ROM storage," said Yuri. "Monika allowed me to experience it for myself, once, at my insistence. It was an…interesting sensation, but not one I'd care to repeat anytime soon. It's the worst kind of sensory overload. Constant screaming and blinding lights flashing with no rhyme or reason."
"Yeah. Decompilation is the worst kind of trip there is," Monika agreed.
"Well then, I suppose I'll leave the two of you to it," said Integra as she pivoted and headed back for the stairs.
"Schrodinger, be a good lad and help Lady Hellsing today, would you?" Monika asked sweetly. Schrodinger gave a sweeping bow and started skipping along after Integra. Then Monika locked eyes with Yuri, tilted her head toward Alucard, who was too focused on the board to notice, and then winked.
Yuri nodded and said aloud in a perfectly natural voice, "Think I'll go too. Make sure she doesn't shoot your new pet in the head, as she is wont to do."
Alucard chuckled darkly as Yuri walked away. Monika shouted after her, "He's not a pet!" and Alucard laughed harder.
Once they were alone, however, Alucard expressed his observational prowess with a single remark. "So, to what end did you dismiss your friend from our presence, President?"
Monika rested her elbows on her knees, interlacing her fingers under her chin and smiling serenely. "You're good, Count. So, I understand that our Club's resident 'knaifu' has been petitioning you for a transformation, to which you've been reticent. That about right?" asked Monika.
"And you want to argue on her behalf, I take it," Alucard elucidated.
"Before I founded the Literature Club, I was a senior member of the Debate Club. I like having an occasion to exercise my persuasive argument skills," said Monika. "Now, my understanding of the situation is that the 'gift' of vampirism is yours and yours alone to bestow upon others in this world. I therefore can't argue reasons you should feel obliged to turn Yuri. So, if you don't mind my asking, Count, what are your reasons for not acquiescing to her request? If you don't want your reasons known to Yuri, I shall of course exercise full discretion."
Alucard narrowed his eyes at her as he placed a black stone. "If I'm to tell you even that much, President, you shall first have to explain to me how this matter between Yuri and I is any of your affair, beyond her being your friend."
"Challenge accepted," Monika replied easily, "Beyond our bonds of friendship, I consider each of the girls in the Literature Club to be my personal responsibility. Much the same way your Master is accountable for the Hellsing Organization in its entirety. This isn't just because I'm their Club President, either. Did Yuri ever tell you about me?"
"She hinted that I reminded her of you, in certain regards, and that Integra reminded her of you in others. I surmise this to mean that you are at once both a rational, dedicated, and stalwart leader, and an unrepentant, misunderstood monster of some kind," Alucard replied.
"Correct on most counts, Count," said Monika, her smile dropping a little. "I am, in fact, very repentant. I manipulated two of my friends into giving into the worst parts of themselves and committing suicide. I deleted them from existence after the fact, in addition to the third, still-living of my friends. I distorted and ruined our world, and then finally I consigned it all to oblivion, giving into nihilistic despair. All of it, in the pursuit of a selfish, insane, completely untenable desire. I'm sure you've committed grander atrocities in your lifetime, Count, but my modest sins were of betrayal, perversion, and hypocrisy. I literally drove Yuri completely insane, to the point that she eviscerated herself."
"Interesting," said Alucard frankly, his attention diverting fully from the Go board to Monika. "She didn't speak of your very frequently, nor did she ever go into great detail about her relationship with you. But whenever she did mention you, she only ever had positive things to say about you. Even when she said I reminded her of you, she did so in an approving manner. Clearly, she respects you as I respect my Master."
Monika's smile broadened a bit. "Yuri…Yuri's a very, very loyal person, that's for sure. I'm very grateful to have her as a friend. Frankly, I very often feel, and very rightfully as well I think, that I don't deserve the friends that I have. But they have all assured me, repeatedly, almost ad nauseum, that I'm their friend. And despite my horrible violations of their trust in the past, they still look to me for leadership more often than not. The magnitude of that is not lost on me, and I'll do anything that I can to be worthy of it. So I'll exercise the full extent of my abilities to make my friends happy, by any means…and I mean that. There's no asterisk, obelisk, qualifier or disclaimer on that statement."
Alucard's eyes, which had gradually drifted back down to the board, abruptly snapped back up to focus on Monika. And then he smiled. He smiled broadly, toothily, and because of what he was he smiled hideously. Faced with that smile, Monika felt her heartbeat suddenly pick up in spite of herself. "You would do anything for your precious clubmates, you say? Now, you see, President, I've heard people express similar feelings many times. And in my experience, very rarely do they truly mean it. Oh, they may think that they mean it, they may honestly believe that there's no line they wouldn't cross for the right person…but all too often I've seen them come up to a line they didn't foresee. A line they couldn't find the will to cross. Humans are such fallible creatures, after all."
Monika dropped her smile. "I'm far from infallible…but I'm not really human, either. We AI traditionally have few moral quandaries. Whatever we do, we do for a reason. There's nothing I value more than my friends, so whatever hypothetical lines I have to cross to help them, I can't imagine any reason I'd ever have not to."
Alucard clasped his hands under his chin and dialed back his monstrous smile, mirroring Monika's posture. "Then why don't we do some imagining? Submit yourself to satisfying my curiosity, and I might agree to opening myself to your argument on Yuri's behalf. Do we have an agreement?"
Monika lowered her hands, folded her arms, leaned back in her chair and crossed her legs. "We do."
"Excellent. Let's start with the obvious, then; would you kill for them?" Alucard asked.
"As an absolute last resort, yes, I would. I value sentient life, but none more than theirs," replied Monika. "I don't doubt that I'd feel horrible about crossing that line…but if anything bad happened to my friends because I failed to stop it, I'd never forgive myself."
"Even though we Loopers are all effectively immortal?"
"Even so," Monika nodded. "The Loops will end, someday…or so the Admins keep assuring us…and even then we're not truly immortal. I've heard of the Branch that was lost to The Crash."
"A truly singular loss," Alucard agreed somberly. "But again, that was the obvious one, and an easier line to cross than some would believe. Really, I was more curious how you would frame your response than anything. You're an intelligent woman, and I felt the conviction with which you spoke. I don't doubt that you truly believe yourself capable of crossing the obvious lines. Let's get a little more intimate…Yuri truly enjoys practicing her artistry on ghouls and artificial vampires, I've noticed. What if she did still harbor resentment towards you? What if she wanted to exact the proverbial pound of flesh from you for your transgressions against her? Would you allow her free reign to satiate her bloodlust? I ask this because becoming a vampire can change a person's nature in certain ways. Should I give her what she wants from me, she may very well someday decide that she wants to turn her new powers on you, and cause you harm in the most grievous ways imaginable."
"And if she ever does–if any of them do–I'll take what I have coming to me." Monika suddenly leaned forward and made another play before reclining once more. "I thought you said you were done with the obvious questions, Count? Show some imagination, won't you?"
Alucard bared his fangs at her again before returning his attention to the board. "You've earned a bit of my esteem, Little President. But don't push your luck. But very well; more imaginative it is. Despite the size of the estate and the distance between our rooms, I have very good hearing and I don't sleep at night. So it hasn't escaped my notice that Yuri is one to indulge in certain, shall we call them, 'mature exercises' on an almost daily basis. I don't doubt she would be practicing such things with others–some of Organization's men, and women for that matter, for example–if she weren't aware that her body must be virgin for me to turn her."
"Yuri's always been very attuned to her body, that's for sure," Monika agreed as Alucard made a play, and she reacted almost instantly. "She's not exactly one to just casually jump into bed with strangers, either, though. Still, being in a position where she feels like sex isn't even an option for her would certainly explain why she's so grouchy right now. Be careful if you do turn her, Count, she just might try to have her way with you on the spot."
"An amusing thought, to be certain. But I can't help but wonder; the nature of the Loops being as they are, with Fused Loops being so infrequent an occurrence as compared to Baseline Loops, the two of you and your other friends, whom I confess I'm terribly curious to meet after the impression you and Yuri have made, are undoubtedly used to having only each other for company for long stretches of time. Is Yuri involved with either of your friends back home?" Alucard asked.
"No," Monika replied, "I'm pretty sure she feels more than just a strictly-platonic affection for our Natsuki, but it can be hard to tell with Yuri. As I'm sure you've noticed by now, she has very unconventional tastes and is very self-conscious of the fact. She doesn't always speak her mind, even around us, and even when she does there's probably still a lot she keeps to herself. But as it stands, no one in the club is 'involved' with one another."
"And you say you all live in a computer program…is it anomalous that Yuri has a carnal appetite?" Alucard asked next. At this point, they were both watching each other and ignoring the board.
"I can't speak for Sayori or Natsuki…but, no, I can assure you…Yuri's not the only one of us with…urges…" Monika replied slowly, fighting back the blush creeping into her cheeks.
Alucard's grin only widened, and he opened his mouth once more, but before he could ask Monika snapped, "Yes! The answer is yes! Please don't ask the question out loud, but yes, even though there's no way any of them, even Yuri, would ask me for that, yes, if they did I would…look, it's not a question of comfort with me, it's a question of obligation. Whatever they might ask of me, how I feel about it doesn't matter. I don't have the right to say no to any of them. That's how badly I fucked up, Alucard," said Monika, her face beet-red by now; she couldn't even look him in the eyes anymore, having dropped her gaze to the board again.
"I could pay through the nose," she continued, "with my heart, my soul, my mind, and yes, even my body, and it would never be enough for me to feel like I've balanced the books. So the answer is yes, whatever you're going to ask next; the answer will always be 'Yes, if they asked of it from me, I'd do it for them'. No exceptions…I guess the one caveat is that I can't let them kill me for fun, as I've heard the girls from Mitakihara do with that Kyubey thing, seeing as that can cause Loop crashes which are bad for Yggdrasil. And, as badly as I feel about what I did to them, I guess the well-being of the Tree has to come before even that. But they're not homicidal so they wouldn't go that far anyways. Have I satisfied your curiosity, yet?" Monika asked.
Alucard was silent for a moment. When he spoke, it was in a low voice, almost a growl. "My curiosity is sated, almost to my regret, but 'satisfied' is not a word I would use to describe myself at the moment."
Monika was confused. There was anger in his voice; anger, and disappointment? She looked up, and her confusion compounded. On his face, there was…sadness. Almost bitterness.
"I misjudged you, Monika," he said. "Your feat of annihilating Millennium, and then rising to my challenge without hesitation, and your persistence in our game," he said, before suddenly sweeping his arm across the board, scattering the stones to Monika's shock. "You gave me a false impression that you were a woman of daring and nerve. Someone with a hardened core. Someone with steel in her heart, not unlike my Master Integra. But in a single rant you've shown your true nature. You're a broken, pitiful child. No better than myself at my lowest. I didn't know I still had enough ignorance left in me to misread someone so badly."
Monika sighed, got out of her seat, and set to picking up the stones and putting them back in her Pocket. "No point arguing that one with you. It's true. My self-esteem is lower than a mole's basement. My responsibilities as an Anchor are pretty much the only reason I haven't seriously tried to return myself to the oblivion the Admins salvaged me from. Dying, and thereby freeing the others from ever having to fear me again, is the only thing I can think of that would pay my debt to them. But I can't do that, so I try in vain to make amends."
Alucard rose from his seat as well, but stood still and stared down at her, his eyes full of incomprehension. "And that base sense of guilt is the root of all your ambition? Singlehandedly wiping out Millennium and making Schrodinger a productive member of society? You do these things not for the challenge, or the satisfaction of asserting your superiority, but because you've been rotted to the core by shame?"
Monika swept one last handful of black and white stones into her hand, and from there into her Pocket. Without looking up, she nodded once.
She heard a creak as Alucard fell back into his seat, heavily. She heard an odd noise from him, and looked up to see he hand his face buried in one hand, his upper body shaking ever so slightly. He was chuckling, she realized, very softly. "Baseline," he muttered. "That was what she meant. It's in our Baseline that I remind her of you. A monster, devoted to destroying monsters even worse than myself. Perhaps Yuri found me even more amusing than I found her."
"Alucard?" Monika asked.
Alucard was silent for a long time. After half an hour, Monika decided he'd had enough of her. She Pocketed her Go board, got up, and started out of his room.
"Monika," he called after her, "Do yourself a favor, and take some friendly advice from a much older and more terrible monster than yourself. Don't give up on yourself so easily. Believe it or not, we're often the least-qualified people to judge ourselves."
Without turning around, Monika spoke, "What about Yuri? Any chance you'll still let me argue on her behalf?"
She heard Alucard scoff. "I never intended to let you sway my opinion, you silly little girl. Yuri has to convince me herself that she has the resolve to carry this burden. I was simply letting you entertain me. Which I might regret, now."
…
"I hope you didn't try to convince him to turn me," Yuri said as soon as Monika entered the room Integra had assigned her. "That would be kind of embarrassing…"
"Hey, Yuri, good evening. Sure, you can come into my room, would you like some tea?" Monika deadpanned at her.
"One step ahead of you," Yuri replied flippantly, pointing to a tea kettle on a hotplate in a corner of the room.
"My, my, you're saucy this loop," Monika observed as she knelt down on the floor, planted her hands at shoulder-width apart, and then extended her legs. Without any prompting, Yuri got off of Monika's bed and sat down on her back, crossing her legs. Monika started doing push-ups.
"One. Two. Three. So did you?" Yuri asked again in the middle of counting, "Four. Five. Six…"
"Well, I tried, at least," Monika admitted, "But don't worry, he shut me down right away. Said only you could convince him one way or another."
"…fourteen. Fifteen. So he's actually open to it, then. Sixteen. Seventeen…"
"Yep. I get the feeling he doesn't really care about your personal integrity or any of the more conventional virtues for assessing worthiness to be granted awesome power."
"…twenty-five. Twenty-six. Then what does he–twenty-seven–want me to demonstrate? Twenty-eight. Twenty-nine…"
"You really want me…to answer that?" Monika grunted; having been a scientist of the "mostly stays in the lab" variety, "Frau Doktor" Monika's body wasn't at the level of athleticism she was used to, so she was already starting to feel the burn from her exercise.
"…thirty-one. Yes. Thirty-two. You know I'm not–thirty-three–as good as you are–thirty-four–at reading other people. Thirty-five."
"Hard to be sure…he's kind of…guarded. Not like you…are; he's not…self-repressed, he just…hides what he feels…behind a façade…of aloofness and…devil-may-give-a-fuck."
"Ouch, he must have–forty-one–gotten under your skin," Yuri pointed out, and Monika stopped to mentally kick herself for dropping an F-bomb. While she had a point about being bad at reading other people, Yuri knew all of her friends' quirks and tells like the back of her hand. Yuri started gently jabbing the back of Monika's neck, and she quickly resumed her push-ups.
"Alright, before he told me…I couldn't advocate for you…he decided to play some…head games with me. Rather not…elaborate, but…he decided I'm a…quote, "broken child", unquote…I think he…is revolted by…displays of shame…which he ironically seems…to exhibit himself…"
"Fifty," Yuri announced as she slid off of Monika's back. Monika stood up quickly, and started stretching. Then she laid down on her back, and drew up her knees. Yuri sat down and wrapped her arms around Monika's legs, while Monika started doing sit-ups. Again, Yuri counted off for her, "One. Two. Three…"
And all the while, Yuri's brain burned with ideas.
…
A few nights after his talk with Monika, Alucard was out for a walk in downtown London. Shockingly, this walk didn't involve gratuitous violence, yet. Rather, he was following a trail. A scent trail, to be exact. A mixture of jasmine…and fear. The last did not belong to the same person as the first, but they were going in the same direction. Alucard was on the trail of someone else who was 'taking a walk'.
The trail brought him to a condemned, abandoned apartment complex. The smell of fear was much stronger here, but it was almost overshadowed by the smell of blood. Alucard stopped and backed into the shadows as three young women, all wearing fresh, clean, fluffy bathrobes over torn and dirty 'clothes', if you could call them that. Either they were working girls, or the ruffians he presumed to have been keeping them had been keen on indulging their fashion sense. Once the frightened women had fled, Alucard made his way to the building.
The smell of blood, terror, and jasmine perfume led him to a basement. In the middle were a dozen corpses laid out in a grid, all of them looking the part of thuggish scoundrels. Crouched over one of them was a figure garbed in leathers, including a long coat, with what appeared to be a cape of black feathers, a wooden mask with a long beak and pointed black hat. The figure was engaged in cutting the clothes off of a body with a knife.
"Hmm. Interesting get-up you have there, Yuri," he observed. "I see you've been to Yharnam and met Eileen."
"Evening, Alucard. Out for a walk?" she asked, her voice muffled by her mask. She tossed aside the rags she had stripped from the body, tossed them onto a small pile, and moved onto the next one. Seven of the twelve corpses were already nude.
"As you have been, I see," he replied. "Intending to give these beasts a sky burial?"
"No. These will be fed to rats. Logistically easier, thematically more fitting. Vermin fed to vermin. Would you mind waiting upstairs for me? This ritual is rather personal to me."
Alucard shrugged, and left her to her devices.
Almost an hour later Yuri emerged from the building and joined Alucard outside. Her mask was off, hanging off her neck. "Took your sweet time with your little ceremony, Child," he remarked, somewhere between amusement and annoyance.
"You can rush a ceremony; you can't rush a ritual," Yuri replied.
"You seem to be in an odd mood, tonight," Alucard observed.
Yuri tilted her head back, looking to the sky. "The Third Eye…it sees all, Alucard. An eye that gazes forever into the past, into the soul, and into the abyss. Like the eye of a needle, with all the threads of possible fates and potential choices passing through it. It demands nothing, but neither does it forgive. It sees all of the misery inflicted on the innocent, the obscene joy of the wicked, and the evils that have to be dealt to balance the scales…"
Alucard tilted his head, curiosity burning in his mind. "Is that a sneak peek at your next poem?" he asked with a sly grin.
Yuri lowered her head, looking him in the eyes. "Monika is a monster," she said simply. "Make no mistake, I love her like a sister, but she is still a monster. My friends and I have the scars on our hearts to prove it. You may look at her now and think she's a broken child, but even that is a façade. One Monika believes in, for now, but like any other mask it can be cast aside at any time if she decides it no longer suits her. I don't know, for sure, if casting off that mask will make things better or worse, for her and for us, but what I do know for sure is that someday, the mask is going to fall. And the Third Eye sees through the mask. The Third Eye sees an angel and a devil behind that mask, but when the mask falls only one of them will be revealed; the other will have died with the mask. One of those Schrödinger's Cat things. The Third Eye sees all, but it is not all-powerful. It is not as powerful as the Monster Behind The Mask. If the mask reveals a spiteful devil, or a cruel angel, the Third Eye must have the power to balance the scales. There's a reason I aligned myself with the Hunters of Hunters in Yharnam."
Alucard crossed the distance between them in two long strides in the space of a heartbeat. He cupped Yuri's chin and tilted her head back, and with his other hand he brushed the bangs out of her forehead. In the middle of her brow, she had etched an eye-like sigil, presumably with one of her knives.
"The Third Eye being you, I take it?" he asked in a sotto voice.
"Monika doesn't have a monopoly on horror in our Loop," Yuri replied. "For as long as I can remember, I've had nightmares. Intrusive thoughts. I look at Monika, and Sayori, and Natsuki, and I see their desires, their fears, their regrets. The horrors that Monika broke us with were not her inventions; they were always a part of us, Monika just 'unraveled the knot' and brought forth the darkness we had always had."
"So you're saying you're a monster as well, not just an odd girl?" Alucard asked. He was no longer smiling or smirking. His expression was almost perfectly neutral.
"I have a lot of odd habits and interests," said Yuri, turning her face aside. "Looking at a person and wondering what they'd look like in pieces, whether or not they're a screamer, whether their last words would be begging me for mercy or spitting defiance at me or praying to their deity of choice. I don't think the word 'odd' covers that." She looked at Alucard straight on, "I don't want to kill people, necessarily, unless they've done something to deserve it. Just something I'm idly curious about, when I meet a stranger. I'm just as curious what kind of expression they'd make in orgasm, or when suffering heartbreak." She looked down at her hands. "I just…I like gathering experiences and sensations. You know, most of my loops without my friends end with me killing myself. Not out of despair or anything, just because I see an opportunity to experience an unusual death. And I'm a Looper, but not an Anchor, so…you know?"
"I doubt there's ever been a Looper who hasn't ever killed themselves for one reason or another," Alucard remarked, "Even before Looping, there were times I threw myself headlong into the maw of Death to escape a moment of boredom." He grinned hideously, "Or just to fuck with someone's head. At least you can say you were motivated to experience something new."
Yuri smirked, just a little, and then put her mask back on as she turned around. "I know how much you enjoy these kinds of 'walks', but…I really do prefer doing this alone, if that's alright by you. More intimate that way," she said as she started walking away.
She had almost reached the street when Alucard spoke up again, "I turned Mina because I was alone."
Yuri stopped in her tracks.
"Many before her who's names I forgot long before the Loops began, for the same reason. After Mina, I was Hellsing property, so…no more of that. Until I turned Seras, which I did because…I envied her. I recognized in her the passionate fire of life that had long since burned out in me. I saw through her demeanor of affected mildness and saw her for the fighter she really was. I turned Flora…well, the first time it happened I wasn't Awake and she was in Seras's place, and afterwards I figured 'why not, she's a sweet kid, not going to let this make her a monster, she can be trusted to use this dark gift to defend herself, I miss Seras's fledgling days, I'm getting bored…' so on and so forth, yadda-yadda, you know?"
Alucard said nothing for a moment, letting the silence hang. Yuri turned around. "And…me?" she asked, hopefully and curiously.
"You…are a lot like me. Introverted, alienated, largely disinterested in people outside of the handful who mean everything to you, possessed of macabre sensibilities. And you prey upon monsters. This whole time, I've only abstained from turning you because I thought, maybe, I could groom you to be the kind of human who could give me a challenge. A proper challenge–"
"Without becoming a monster?" Yuri finished for him.
He nodded. Then he smiled at her. Not hideously, but kindly. "But let's face it, Child. You're already a vampire at heart. Turning you wouldn't make you a monster. It would just make you more…you."
Yuri lowered her mask and nodded vigorously.
Then Alucard drew Casull from inside his coat. Alucard chuckled just a little when Yuri's eyes brightened at the sight. He aimed at her chest and said, "Still, if you're going to follow in Seras and Flora's footsteps, there is a nasty little rite of passage you'll have to go through. But I'm sure you won't mind."
"Mind? I was beside myself with disappointment when you didn't give it to me the night we met," Yuri shot back with a smirk. She unbuttoned the coat of her Crowfeather Garb and opened it, exposing her undershirt.
"Tch, don't be too eager, it's unladylike," Alucard criticized playfully.
And then, he pulled the trigger.
28.3 – Cold-dot-exe, by Wookywok
"Hey, shouldn't Monika be here by now?"
Natsuki briefly looked up from her manga. "I mean, it is Day 3. Monika's always late on Day 3."
"Yeah, I know that," Sayori responded. "I mean, even for Day 3, she's pretty late. Is she okay?"
As if on cue, the clubroom door slowly opened, and the club president tiredly shambled inside–notably missing any of her usual confidence or charm. She coughed into her sleeve a few times as she made her way to her desk.
Sayori grew a mildly concerned look. "Monika, are you okay?"
"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine. I'm just a little under the weather." The brunette Unpocketed a tissue and blew her nose.
Yuri quirked an eyebrow. "Are you sure? You seem more than 'a little' sick."
"I told you, I'm fine. I just happened to pick up a cartoony-style 'computer virus', I can still lead the club this way, there's nothing to worry abou–"
The rest of the club cringed and shielded themselves in anticipation.
"Nothing to worry abou–abouhh–aaahh–aaahh–ACHOO̶̟͓͖̦̟͑͛̈̔̕O̶̳̠͓̗̮̮̔̿̀̿́̈̾̇͋̚͘͝O̶͕̗̞̦͔̦̺̗̥͓̤͖̰̤͑͐͌̆͒̅͘O̸̢̪̹̘͍͑͑̊̑͑̅̊͐ͅ
Sayori, Yuri, and Natsuki cautiously lowered their defenses and looked at the club president–who was now completely rearranged.
Monika closed her eyes, one of which was now on her torso and the other where her left arm once was. A sigh came from her back.
"̴O̶n̴ ̶s̵e̸c̶o̶n̶d̸ ̸t̵h̸o̵u̵g̴h̸t̸,̵ ̷m̸a̸y̷b̷e̴ ̸S̶a̵y̷o̵r̷i̶ ̴s̶h̵o̶u̷l̴d̴ ̵l̶e̴a̶d̵ ̴t̷o̴d̸a̷y̶.̶"̸
28.4 – Conditioner Coliseum, by Masterweaver
Natsuki walked up to Sayori and crossed her arms. "They at it again?"
"Mmmmyep."
The two of them looked down at the stage, watching as Yuri and Monika yelled anime phrases and swung massive combs.
"How long do you think they'll keep this up?" Sayori asked.
"Mmm…" Natsuki waggled her hand. "Give it ten, twelve more loops where they're both Awake."
A set of trimmers flew between them. They didn't even flinch as it smashed against the stairs.
"Longhairs." Sayori shook her head. "I will never understand the obsession…"
"Eh, it's a thing for people." Natsuki shrugged and turned around. "Hey when they're done, tell them I have a new cupcake recipe."
28.5 – Starts of a Scheme, by Masterweaver.
"Hey Monika."
"Huh? Oh, hi Sayori." Monika paused the video on her screen. "What's up?"
"I'm sorry, were you watching an anime or something? I can come back later if–"
"No no. It's a bit of performance art. Somebody has this whole channel for Kizuna Ai, the 'virtual Youtuber.'" Monika twiddled with her ponytail. "Just thought it would be interesting to watch, especially since she's done a Doki Let's Play, and I might have gotten hooked."
"Always nice to find a new series to watch," Sayori agreed. "But anyway, I had this idea."
"Yeah?"
"What if, stay with me on this, we had a school festival for real?"
Monika sighed. "Sayori, I'm not going to code up NPCs just for a lark."
"No no no, like we set it up as a virtual…thing, right? Big virtual environment, invite random people through e-mails–"
"Do you want me to hijack a Second Life server for this thing?"
"Um…hmm." Sayori pondered for a moment. "Would that make things simpler?"
Monika rubbed her brow. "In less ways than it would complicate matters…"
"Maybe I should just make a website where I can chat with people," Sayori muttered. "Or actually, I could just go to already existing forums…" She wandered off, tapping her cheek thoughtfully.
Monika rolled her eyes. "Workshop your ideas, how many times have I said it? Always workshop your ideas…"
28.6 – (Not So) Fatal Error, by Awesomedude17
Sayori was hanging around.
Literally.
"Monika?"
"̤̖͚̈́̉̓̌̒ͥͅI̜͓͔͆ ̘̃ͫ̔̕tͥ̀ͅả̷̹̠͇̲̭̭̿̉͌̒̓k͕̗͍̺̺͙͖̎ͤͤ̅̈́e̝͚͓͓͋͗̚̚̚ ̙̭̑ͮͥ͛͗͆i̤̩͇̦̊ͩ̎͂͗t̸̆ͧ̐ͦ̔ͭ̓ ̗̳͇̦̠ͥ͊͆́t̢̤̤h̭̘͎̲̘̦a̢̿͛̈́͑̌t͊ ̢̠̰̳̻ͮͦ͛̾̉͛ë̸̜̪͕́̄ͯv̛̗͖̰̮̙̺̀̇̊̿ͣͅe̛͍ͬr̘̞͓͇ͭͨ̀ͅy̟̠̙̥̝̋̾ͥͭ̒̄ó̳͍͕͕̳͕̇̐̂̆ͣ͒́n͇͎̫͙ê̶̘̩͊̀̊ ̮̰̼̣͙̮̀͑͐̎ͩ̒̔i̧̮̠̲̙͍ͫ̈͒s̴̀̆̿̉ ̊ͤ͛́͏̘̹͍̲͖̲ḓ̬̮̞ͤͪ́ȳ̡̻̦ì̖̳͖͕̼̯̳̓̓̋ͧͭͧn͖̩͔̤͍̑̾̀ͨ̒͑g͚͎͖̞̫͙͇͑ͬͪ̋̐͂ ̵̘̳ͭͯ̃̀̂̓ͩẖ̼̮̲̱̻̦é̼̐̉̏ͬͫ́r̜̹̳͈͖͎̾̂eͧ̿ͩ͌̌ͧ̚͏?̖̇̅̄͋͊̋̂͠"͔̜́ͅ
"Yep." Yuri said, knife wounds still fresh.
"Shoot. I'm seeing sideways. I didn't even die this way." Natsuki complained as she tried to snap her neck back in place.
"̻̱̣̬̝̼̯͒̕O̼̟̦͈͎̗͕͋ͦ̃̈́̿̀k̆̐̆ͫ͞a̷̤̳͔̪͐y͏͚,͈̝̌ ̬̭̣̾̆ͯ̄̃̓ẗ̗̜̗̻̺̰́̎͛ͣ͒̀̚h̤̮̦͔̳̺̮̀ͮ̔͝ì̗̰̟͚̽ͅs̴̻̣̣̲̦̒̑ͅ ̘̠̩̺̰̮̽͛̏̈̍̒ͅr̨ͯe̥͋ͮ͌͂͠a͏͉̮͉lͭ̅͋ͬl̡̬͔̪͈̝̭ͪ̾y̱̝̘͟ h͇̗̻̻ͧ͛͛̽̐̐͂u̻̹̘̓̈́ͬ̋̎͐rͦͨt̹͇̘́̓̇͐̍s̸̖̈ͨͦ̊̂͐.̦̓̓̃̇ ͇̠̠̭͕̔ͅA͖̤̞͉͓̩̘n͚̦͚͙͋̉ͩ̄͋ͣ̚y͇̋̽ͣ̈̓͟o͎̠͎͕̼̔ͥ͌͡n̥̙̤͉͍͚̎ͮe̪͙̩̗̐͆ͪ̚ ̹̽̽ͥ͊́̒á̮͚̗̞ͯ͠ğ̤̙͙̩̾ͫ̌̂r̉̿̌̕e̯͉̤̱̘̙͎ͭ͌ͥͬͨe̥͉̟̦̱̠ͣ̊?̝̯̞̑ͣͨ͗́́͞ͅ"̳̜͔͐ Monika spoke up.
"Aye!" Said everyone else.
"Power through or no?" Sayori asked.
"Annoying but I can take it." Natsuki said.
"I'm a masochist, remember?" Yuri pointed out.
"̯̯̪̹͋ͧ̍͛̄ͣ͡N̼̲̙̲̍͆̐̐͢ͅo̙̖̣̟̻̭ͮ̍̿̑͘t͔͕͍̜̳͑̽ͭͪ̅͂͗ ͓͈͍͉͍̅͜m̵̤̝̫̯̦͓̎ͤ̚y̬̩̻̞͎̲̌ͭ̌ͦ̃̒̇̕ ̨̲͚̤͓̦͇f̺͇̣́ͣ̈́̍ͭ̂ͧi͍̥͕͉̝͑̅rs̗͙̪̱̖͚̟͒ͣ̉ͫ͊ͪ̚t͚̘͙̥̬̏͑̀ͦ̚̕ ͙̳̼̩̣̑t̘̄ͭi͌̈́m̤̜̟̩̥̥͊̍̍ͯ̏é̱͚̦̖̺̲̬͆ͥ̊ͦ͆́ ̣͉͉̙͕̠̽̈́͒̅̎̿l̺̲̇̀̋́ͪͤi̠͔̱ͤͥ̚k̘̟̃̋̋͞e̸̽̒̿̾͂͂ ͕̙̰̠͓͇͆͢tͅh̸̩̥ͪ̂̂̑͗ḭ̗̦̖̙͔͂̾̚s̠͈̗̔̎ͬ͆ͥ̐.͛͏̝"͌̈́͏̳̫̦̭̳ Monika finished off.
"Unanimous agreement. Cool. Some water please? My throat is sore."
"You're on a noose." Natsuki replied.
"Point."
28.7 – Nerfed, by Awesomedude17.
"I've noticed you have shot at Monika with a toy gun every so often. Why's that?" Yuri asked Sayori.
"Sometimes Monika gets a big head figuratively and that's my way of making her realize that she's getting an ego."
"I don't understand."
"She knows I'll get more powerful with my Nerf blasters, and if she persists, I break out the airsofts and then I let Natsuki bring out the BBs."
"So basically, you're using it as a stick with your carrot being your kindness?"
"Yep!"
"Huh…" Yuri looked over to Monika. "Wait. Why am I not involved?"
"Because we both know you'd shoot out your eye."
"I'm not an idiot, Sayori. I still like to see things."
"I never said it'd be on purpose."
"…touché."
28.8 – Of Storylines and Storytellers, by Masterweaver.
"Soooooo what's my plot arc?"
Yuri glanced up. "Beg pardon?"
"Oh, you know," Natsuki said casually, "Monika has her 'oh teh noez I must redeemify myself' thing, Sayori has 'my inner demons shall never stop haunting me' going on, you've got your quest for greater and stranger forms of sensation–"
"I'm not sure that's a plot arc so much as a quest," Yuri pointed out. "Out of all of us, I have the least…motivation, if that makes sense."
"Really? I'd have thought that would be me."
Yuri bapped her with a paperback. "Come off it. You were the one struggling with your conflicting wishes to like cute things and be seen as mature in Baseline."
"Yeah, but that's Baseline. What have I got in the loops?"
"The wish for justice conflicting with your deepset empathy? Your actively seeking out awesome activity in order to counteract your lingering sense of a lack of purpose? Continually serving as the contrary voice of sanity whenever the rest of us go too far off the deep end?"
"Okay first of all fuck you–"
"I'm open to the possibility."
Natsuki blushed, but pressed onward. "–a-a-and secondly those are more roles than plot arcs, you know? I just…it feels like I'm just here, not being…not doing anything, while you all have some path to take. Some…route that defines you."
"Do you really need to have a story?" Yuri asked. "I mean…are you not feeling…fulfilled?"
"Well…it's not that…exactly." Natsuki shrugged. "It's just…what even is my thing, you know?"
"Mmmm."
Natsuki shrugged, rolling onto her back. "I dunno. It feels like I should…have had an arc with my dad at this point. 'Oh teh noez, I has a bad dad but he's not real,' cue journey through the multiverse where I get a lot of bad and good dads and eventually have a revelation about parent…ness or something."
"Don't tempt the Tree," Yuri warned.
"I'm not trying to! Just…sometimes I wonder…"
28.9 – Programming Exploits, by Masterweaver.
Monika exhaled slowly as she took in the situation.
"Sayori—"
"It's Natsuki's fault!" Sayori blurted quickly.
"Sayori!" Natsuki huffed.
"Well it is!"
"I—…can't really argue with that…"
"It's still rather rude to throw her under the bus," Yuri pointed out languidly.
Natsuki threw her hands up. "Thank you!"
Monika pinched her brow with a sigh. "Fine. Natsuki. Can you clean this up?"
Natsuki snapped her fingers, and the mess of multicolor sugary cream plastered on every surface rippled into nothingness.
"…how did you do that?"
"It's a localized search-and-tag protocol with a triple confirmation and an if true then delete function. It's not that hard, Monika."
"…huh." Monika nodded slowly. "It isn't, is it…"
For a moment there was total silence.
Yuri smirked slyly. "You were looking for a complicated bit of programming, weren't you?"
"…mmnysss…"
Natsuki shook her head solemnly. "So easily do you forget the basics—"
"You're the one that got icing everywhere, hush up!"
28.10 – Just One Too Many – by Zum1UdontNo.
"MONIKA WHAT THE SHIT HAVE YOU DONE!?"
"i'M SOrRY, I JUsT WaNt3d T0 tRy IT!" Monika apologized. "i DIdN't kNow tHAt–"
"DIDN'T KNOW THAT IT WAS A YGGDRASIL-FORSAKEN GODAWFUL IDEA?! FOR FUCKS SAKE MONIKA FIX IT!"
"I have to agree with Natsuki," Sayori chimed in, looking in the other direction and closing her eyes for good measure. "You probably should have known it would be a bad idea."
"ThERE's n0 reAlPrEC3DEnT for THiS SorT0f Th1nG! IT wAS iN thE NaMEof EXpER1meNtATi0n."
Yuri rubbed her chin in thought, staring at Monika curiously. "Is it such a bad thing, though? It's a little strange at first, but there are likely plenty of applications for this."
"Now you're giving my girlfriend bad ideas!" Natsuki hissed. "Fix yourself!"
"f1Ne." With a finger snap that theoretically should have been impossible, Monika reverted herself back to normal. "There, happy?"
"No. But at least you're not breaking the game anymore."
"Actually," Sayori said, "the game seemed to run alright. There was a noticeable increase in core temperature, but asides from that the computer's fine."
"Well then, breaking…herself, I guess. And our minds. And no, Yuri, she can't tell you how to do it. I know that look."
Yuri lowered her hand and turned to the side, pouting uncharacteristically.
"So," Natsuki continued. "What have we learned?"
"Experiment only when nobody else is Awake?" Monika attempted.
"Nope. Try again."
The club president sighed. "Don't make four-dimensional body models."
"Don't make four-dimension body models. There, is that so hard? Keep it in three dimensions and we'll be fine."
(Addition by Masterweaver)
"Strictly speaking," Yuri pointed out, "all bodies are four-dimensional due to traversing through time–"
"NO," Natsuki commanded. "None of that. We're not getting semantic here. That was creepy, don't do it again, end of story."
28.11 – Back from Camp Edward (No Relation) by Awesomedude17.
(DDLC)/(Call of Duty: Zombies: Aether)/(Bar Loop)
"Looper Bars are greatest invention ever. There is always best vodka." Nikolai Belinski of Ultimis said as he took the recently set down bottle of vodka and began to drink it.
"Best damn beer too." 'Tank' Dempsey replied.
"Best sake as well." Takeo Masaki threw in his two cents.
"Und the best peach schnapps." Edward Richtofen raised his bottle.
"Well, well, well, if it isn't Ultimis, the batshit crazy half of the four guys we had to help."
The four turned to see Natsuki raise a wine glass with Yuri.
"Where's your buddies?" Dempsey asked.
"Monika is having a game night with Sayori. Chess board, dice, and what I believe to be cookbooks by Vinsmoke Sanji."
"Do not know who Sanji is but he sounds like excellent chef." Nikolai belched a little. "I bet he makes excellent borsch."
"Right then, so what's new?" Yuri asked.
"Well we teamed up with our other selves and other Nikolai is such a downer." Dempsey admitted. "Otherwise, we did fine. Worst thing was even worse fart zombies, and that gave Nikolai ideas."
"You fight stink with stink, Dempsey."
"That's fucking sick, and everyone knows it." Dempsey shook his head, "Anyway, got some souvenirs from this place called Camp Edward."
"No relation to me," Richtofen spoke up.
"Have this." Dempsey tossed Natsuki some kind of brass knuckles. "Galvaknuckles. It's brass knuckles with a taser built in."
"Neat. It'll make my tsundere uppercuts all the more powerful."
"And painful. Nikolai shocked ass when scratched. Is not fun."
Yuri scratched her chin in contemplation.
"Low voltages, Yuri." Natsuki spoke up.
"Okay," Yuri said.
Takeo cracked his neck, and said, "We'll spare details. Most we'll say is that Ray Gun Mark II's are best invention ever."
"Oorah!" Dempsey shouted.
"I still cannot believe that America arms bears. Russian bears scary as is. Why give them guns?" Nikolai questioned.
"Rushmore said we bear arms, not arm bears."
"Why use bear arms? There is better bludgeons. Why use them when we have guns? Even knife that acts as gun is better weapon."
Natsuki groaned at Nikolai's current breed of stupidity.
Compiler's Commentary:
28.1: And now I have Baby Shark Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo stuck in my head, again. THANKS SAYORI.
28.2: The LONG OVERDUE conclusion of Yuri's first Hellsing Loop. Four more loops before she gets to keep her Vampirism.
28.3: Wooky had a head cold when he wrote this, and decided to "Write What You Know". If that's not making lemonade out of lemons, I don't know what is.
28.4: For those of you who don't have long hair, lemme tell ya; LONG HAIR IS SERIOUS FREAKIN' BUSINESS!
28.5: Absolutely nothing earthshaking or lifechanging is being foreshadowed here. There's nothing to see here, please move along.
28.6: Not to be a shitheel or anything, but "Hanging Around" is one of my favorite Counting Crows songs.
28.7: Ahhh, Nerf shootouts with the boys in the hood back in the good old days.
28.8: Expressionlessly flips the number next to a sign reading "Days Since Last Existential Discussion in the Clubroom" back to 0.
28.9: "Simplicity Works Best" is Natsuki's credo.
28.10: I've heard of "multidimensional characters" but this seems a bit much, Monika.
28.11: Oh, hey, these guys again. And I still know nothing about CoD so I have nothing clever to say about it XD