Hi, hi everyone! Back with another chapter. :) We're gonna dive a bit more into what's going on - so a bit more angst is headed your way!
I hope you enjoy! Please review, fav, and follow!
- CHAPTER 3: PICKING SIDES -
It was nearing six in the evening when I strode into the library. I could barely keep my eyes open and my body felt like it would drop at any second from pure exhaustion. The lack of sleep and my talk with Andromeda weighed on me all day, making it near impossible for me to concentrate on anything. I had even gotten my first ever house points taken away from me during Transfiguration after I had accidentally attacked a Ravenclaw when we were practicing our Bird-Conjuring Charms. It earned me plenty of glares from my fellow Slytherins, so I had remained hidden from the general student population for the remainder of the day.
Even skipping dinner, I opted instead to bundle up in an alcove that sat in front of a window that overlooked the entrance to the school. I watched students hang out below me in the courtyard as I propped open my Divination textbook on my lap. Not reading a single word, I contemplated whether or not I would actually meet Lily that night. Every time I considered it, Lucius' words rang loudly in my head and I would become equal parts scared and enraged. The latter finally taking over, I decided that if he could keep secrets from me, I could also keep some from him.
So with that determination, I put a little more pep in my step as I walked past dimly lit rows of shelves before I finally found Lily tucked away in a corner. Her head was already bent down over a book as her face scrunched up in confusion. Slytherins weren't really known to congregate in the library but, nevertheless, I was happy she just so happened to pick an out of the way spot.
"Sorry I'm late," I said quietly as I approached her. "Lost track of time as I was going over the Divination homework."
"Beth!" She exclaimed in a whisper as I raised my eyebrows. She must have clocked my expression. "Oh, is it okay if I call you Beth?"
"Of course," I replied with a small smile. I had never been friends enough with anyone for them to call me by a nickname.
"I'm so happy you came. I was worried when I didn't see you at dinner. Have you eaten? No offense, but you're looking pretty peaky."
"I'm fine," I tried to sound as convincing as I could but she didn't seem to buy it. Before she could retort, I continued. "Really! I had a big lunch so I just ate some snacks while I was studying."
A complete lie, of course, as I hadn't eaten anything all day. My stomach was at the painful cramping stage of hunger, but I brushed it off as I took a seat across the table from her.
"So, Herbology," I started, changing the subject quickly. "What is it I can help you with?"
"Venomous Tentacula," she said with a huff, running a hand through her hair. "I'm so confused by this plant."
Lucky for her, this was a fun one. It was a spiky plant that could move its branches around like tentacles in order to catch prey. I giggled before we started going back and forth discussing it while she wrote down notes to incorporate into the essay we had to complete by class tomorrow. We went on for a while. She would ask me a question that I would try to answer to the best of my abilities and then so it would continue, back and forth. I made sure to give her some key facts that might even earn her some extra credit points with River.
"Wait, so you're telling me," she interrupted as I was mid-ramble, "this thing shoots venom but people still keep it as a pet?"
"Yeah," I said, continuing to line the margins of my notes with small circles. "That's on top of the spikes already being poisonous."
"And you can never be too sure where its mouth, its mouth filled with pointy fangs, is because it depends on how the plant grows."
"Correct. So you could approach one at random and, no matter how many precautions you take for the known challenges, there's still a chance for you to lose a finger to one of these guys."
"What the actual hell?" She groaned and ran her hand through her hair again. I was beginning to see that it was a regular quirk of hers throughout this study session. "And Professor Puffywood actually expects us to go near these things in class?"
"She'll be there to protect us, don't worry," I chuckled. "Besides, I hear that the only time we're allowed to swear in class without losing house points is if one tries to strangle us."
"Well that's just absurd," she chuckled. "Oh man, I can only imagine how much mischief the boys are going to get into during that class…"
I knew she was talking about the Gryffindor Quartet: James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter. They'd been up to no good ever since first year, always pulling pranks or acting up in class. It was honestly astonishing that they got such high marks on coursework and were actually pretty good at all the spellwork we practiced during lessons. Maybe they bullied some of their fellow classmates into doing it or, even worse, forced Remus to do it for them. It would add sense to why they would hang around with someone that was clearly so opposite of all of them. Though, for Remus' sake, I hoped that wasn't the case. He seemed like a really nice boy and deserved more than a friend group that manipulated him. I shook off the thought, they'd have to be real friends in order for him to save them like he did last night.
For some reason, the information Andromeda had divulged this morning once again started to bubble in my head. There were players on Voldemort's side, so that must mean that there were forces already rising on the other side as well, right? I tried to imagine those boys joining in on the fight, as they seemed like the perfect kind of wizards to do so.
"Hey Lily?" I started hesitantly.
"Hmm..?" She looked up from some of the notes she was jotting down, moving to underline a passage in her book after she did so.
Have you been -" I stopped, wondering if this was really the right thing to do. Andromeda had warned me against prodding around, after all. But there had been so much kept from me, even by my own family. My face began to heat up in anger as I realized that I deserved more answers and insight into this whole situation. "Have you been hearing anything? Anything about strange things happening in the wizarding world?"
Her face didn't give away much as we eased into an uncomfortable silence. She knew something, I was sure.
"Lily?" I said after a moment when she didn't look like she was about to respond.
"Strange things concerning a certain dark wizard?" She leaned in close and whispered. Her eyes darted around to make sure no one was listening to us. I just nodded. She was lost in thought for a moment before she narrowed her eyes. "Why do you want to know?"
I sighed sadly. She didn't trust me, I could tell by the look on her face. And I couldn't blame her. This was the first time we had hung out outside of Prefect duties. I should have known not to bring it up, but I was desperate for answers and I knew I couldn't trust anyone within my own circle.
"Listen," I whispered sternly as I also leaned in. "I just found out about this mess this morning. This morning. The bomb was dropped on me that people close to me are involved and I just badly want answers. You don't have to tell me any secrets or anything, I just want to know what's going on in general. I know next to nothing besides it's all being led by this Voldem -"
"Shht!" She said suddenly, grabbing the attention of some Hufflepuffs perusing the aisle next to us. She waited for them to move away before continuing. "You can't say his name, Beth. We're almost certain that he's going to put a Taboo curse on it soon."
"A what?"
"A Taboo curse. It'll alert him of the speaker's whereabouts instantly. It's a way for him and his followers to weed out those who would 'dare speak his name' as well as get in touch with followers that are trying to reach the larger group. We don't know when or if he's actually going to do it, but it's best to err on the side of caution."
Gasping, I thought back to how Andromeda had said his name just this morning. I wondered if he just hadn't placed the curse yet or if we were being watched then and didn't even know it. I shuddered at the thought.
"But surely we're safe here at Hogwarts?"
"Even if he can't reach us physically, he'll still know," she said grimly.
"Merlin," I breathed out shakily. "So you do know what's going on. Quite extensively it seems, as well."
She leaned in closer, eyes searching for something as they burned into my own.
"Listen," she continued with a groan, "I'll admit it. I know a fair bit. I know about next moves and some of those involved on both sides, but I can't tell you anything. No offense by it, Beth. But you're betrothed to one of the most highly regarded families in his inner circle. That's on top of already being in a family that's bound to be on his side."
"I swear. Once again, I found out about it all this morning. I didn't even know Byron and my father were involved."
Her eyes widened and I realized I had made a huge mistake. It didn't occur to me that she wouldn't know the specifics about my family already being in on everything.
"Shit!" I whisper screamed. My next words came out in a plea. "Please, Lily, please. You can't say anything to anyone. I haven't even gotten a chance to speak to my brother, but I promise he wouldn't be involved in anything like this willingly. You have to believe me."
She let out a sigh as she leaned back. We remained quiet as her face went blank in concentration. Frowning, I leaned down and placed my forehead on my hands that were laying on my open textbook. Great, I had ruined this study session and probably the chance at actually becoming friends with her.
"Hey," she said kindly, drawing my attention back to her as I lifted my head. She reached over and placed a hand over mine. "I want to preface this by saying that I think you're a good person. It's clear you're not like… not like them. However," she paused, looking uncertain if she could continue, "you're just too close to the enemy right now. I don't think you would leak any information intentionally, but I just don't think we can risk it."
For what seemed like the millionth time today, I felt like I wanted to cry. I was an outcast with everyone, both with those I wanted to get close to and those I had no choice but to associate with. Maybe I should just accept that I would be alone no matter what. It would appear I couldn't even rely on my own brother anymore.
"So you do know exactly what's going on then?" I asked, stifling the tears.
"Yeah," she pulled her hand back, smiling sadly. "Too much, to be honest. I really wish they kept me out of it entirely… But at least they're not asking us younger ones to act right now like they are on your side of the fence."
I hated the way she said it, like I had any part in this. She must have seen my face fall.
"Sorry… You know what I mean."
"No, it's fine," I said, defeated. "I get it."
She fidgeted with the corners of her textbook pages, looking past me in thought. I went back to doodling on my notes, not sure where this conversation left us.
"What do you think?" She asked, making me jump a little as she broke the silence.
"What?" I replied. "About what in particular?"
"About it all, I guess. You don't seem like the type to align with your fellow purebloods. If it came down to it, what side would you pick?"
To be honest, I wasn't sure. The pureblood elite life was all I had ever known and I couldn't even fathom going against them. If I did, I was sure to get kicked out of my family along with the possibility of ruining the Ledoux name in general. They needed me to be the perfect daughter, married and made into the perfect pureblood wife. It was the only way to ensure our position in this world and keep our twisted sort of peace.
Nevertheless, my mind flirted with the idea of what it would be like to escape it all, to be with a community of people I actually agreed with. There was no place in this modern world for prejudice against those who didn't have a 'pure' blood status, against Muggles, or against those creatures deemed as 'lesser.' The wizarding community needed to be open-minded and accepting. It was the only way we could guarantee our survival, really. This was a belief I agreed with ten times over and had held since I was young. Wouldn't it be nice to join a cause that supported it?
It was a wonderful fantasy, but at the end of the day, that's all it was. There was no way to make it my reality.
"I don't really have a choice in the matter," my voice was somber and barely audible even to me.
"Everyone has a choice," she said sternly but kindly. She once again leaned in, now looking me firmly in the eyes. "We are all going to have to decide where we stand and we all have the right to make the best choice for ourselves. No matter how difficult that decision may be."
"That sounds wildly optimistic," I sighed. "It really isn't that simple."
She shrugged. "Maybe so. But I have a gut feeling about you. Unless I'm completely mistaken."
"Oh yeah?" I gave out a small smile for the first time since we'd started this conversation. "And what's that 'gut feeling' say?"
"I think you're going to choose the right side, Beth."
My smile turned into a frown. But what constituted the 'right side'? Was it fighting for what you believed in or was it keeping the peace in the life you knew? I'm pretty sure I knew what 'right' meant in her mind but I wasn't so sure I agreed. Truthfully, it made me a little upset that she assumed the side she had chosen was automatically the correct one.
"And what makes you say that?" I asked, my tone slightly laced with anger. If she had noticed, she ignored it.
"Because like I said, you're not like them. You're taking as many advanced classes as me, something a normal betrothed pureblood girl wouldn't bother with because they know it won't matter after graduation. We always talk about your love for creatures and your desire to go herb hunting around the world like Professor Puffywood. You want to do things with your life, not just be a wife and have kids. And besides," she said, with a sad chuckle, "we wouldn't be willingly sitting together right now if you shared their ideals."
She had a point there. If I were actually aligned with the thoughts of my fellow purebloods, I wouldn't be caught dead with someone like Lily. Not because of appearances, but because I would loathe her. But that couldn't be further from the truth with the actuality of things. I actually really liked Lily. She was nice to me and it felt like talking to a friend when we were on duty and even now before I had ruined things with this conversation topic.
"You don't have to worry about making a decision now," she went on after a long silence, "but just remember to think about yourself a little when the time comes for you to do so. Don't let your family take you down with them if they don't have your best intentions at heart."
I nodded absentmindedly at her words while I tried to process them. This entire situation was blowing up in my face and it festered a feeling of anger I didn't know I could possess. First I had to learn about how all of this was happening unbeknownst to me and now I was expected to choose a side? A decision where there was really only one correct answer, no doubt. Yet her words about having a choice bounced around my mind. It's like she had witnessed it firsthand before…
"Sirius Black made his choice, didn't he?" I suddenly asked. "That's why you believe everyone has one. Because you've already seen someone like me make the 'right' one."
Her eyes widened once more, clearly I had just uncovered one of their players.
"Yeah," she finally said. "Him and the rest of the boys. James, Remus, and Peter. They decided to join in officially the summer Sirius left home. I just joined this past summer myself… There, secrets for secrets. We're even."
She sent me a reassuring smile which I eventually returned.
"I won't spill yours if you don't spill mine. Deal?" She added.
"Deal," I said with a chuckle. Despite the gravity of the conversation, I felt like I had gained a confidant in Lily Evans. Like with Andromeda, the one bright side to this entire shitty situation was how quickly it was able to bring those of us unwillingly stuck in it together.
"Now," she beamed as if we had said nothing about the potential end of the wizarding world, "let's talk venomous plants. How soon do you think I could get my hands on one to use against James?"
By the time we had finished our study session, it was about twenty minutes to curfew. We marched into the hallway, talking animatedly about how we should make these meetups a regular occurrence. By the time we reached the landing where our paths diverged, we had agreed that she would help me with my Divination homework if I continued to help her with Herbology. I was giddy at the thought that I would be studying with someone that I could hopefully consider a real friend soon.
"So I'll see you tomorrow in Herbology? I'm ready to turn in an O-level essay!" She said excitedly.
"Do me proud!" I giggled. "Goodnight, Lily."
Unexpectedly, she wrapped her arms around me in a friendly and comforting hug. I was only caught off-guard for a moment before I reciprocated the movements, feeling tears prickle at my eyes. This time, they were the happy kind.
"Goodnight, Beth," she said softly before pulling away. "No matter what happens, I'm here if you need me, okay?"
I simply nodded. She walked off with a small smile, leaving me alone on the stair landing.
Gathering my thoughts, I made my way downstairs. I was so lost in my own world and the events of the day that I couldn't even process someone grabbing my wrist and pulling me into an empty classroom.
"What the hell?!" I practically screamed as I regained my balance. My face furrowed in anger when I looked up to see my assailant. "Byron? What are you doing?"
"Shh, shh!" He held a finger up to his mouth. "Stop screaming. You're going to burst my eardrums and those of all the Doxies that have probably nested in this room."
He smiled at me as he playfully swatted at the dust that was disturbed by our entrance.
"What do you want, Byron?" My voice was scathing, but I lowered it in volume.
He sighed as he lowered his hands into his pockets.
"I want you to stop being an idiot, Elsbeth," he replied flatly. His tone was condescending at best, but nowhere near mean or demanding. "Lucius is in the common room, absolutely furious. He wanted to come after you himself, but I told him I would deal with it."
"I'm sorry, 'deal with it'? He's going to be that big of a baby about me studying with a classmate?" I started to feel my blood boil.
"We're not talking about studying here," his tone bordered annoyed now. "I'm telling you now that you need to stop sticking your nose into things that don't concern you. Especially when they involve the opposition."
To be honest, I hadn't mentally prepared myself for this conversation yet, but it looked like I wasn't going to get that luxury. This discussion was happening now.
"Merlin," I breathed out, stepping back from him and crossing my arms. The light of the torches dipped him and the room around us in shadows, matching the ominous mood that had settled between us. "So you are a part of this mess. What are you thinking?! Were you even going to tell me or is your 'idiot' little sister not worth the effort?"
"No one's saying that, so stop being a child," he was definitely angry now. "It's just not your place to be involved right now."
"What does that even mean? 'Not my place'? I had to find out from someone else that my brother and my father were not only entangled in all this but part of the inner circle of someone who's trying to start a war. How long have you known?"
He glared into my eyes and I faltered a bit under his gaze. I had never seen him so cross towards me. His face softened a bit before he sighed and looked away, focusing on a random spot on the wall.
"Father's been involved since the get, I think. Around three years, I don't know," his tone was bitter, but there was also a hint of sadness. "They pulled me in the summer when Black left home. I guess he realized that he needed to gather his followers before they had the opportunity to flee as he did."
"And Lucius?"
"Same time as me, though he's not as high up there. But he's gaining rank fast… Abraxas seems to be the Dark Lord's unofficial right-hand man."
No words could come to me at that moment as everything started to click together. My marriage to Lucius had been in the works for a while and it was all to solidify our position in this new order under Voldemort.
"What is the end goal here, Byron?" I seethed. "What does he want?"
"To make a better world," he said flatly. "Which involves solidifying his rule over all of us and eliminating anyone who doesn't meet his standards of a pure wizard. He hopes to eventually extend this to the Muggle world as well."
"Unbelievable," I whispered.
This was a lot more serious than I realized. This wasn't just about power, this was a coordinated plan to commit genocide. It was probably linked to my lack of food today, but I felt faint. I tried to keep my knees from buckling as I looked back at my brother, my face falling in pure disappointment. It was unimaginable that he was a part of this, yet here he was, openly discussing his involvement in a plot for mass murder. I didn't think I could ever look at him the same.
He must have understood my expression because he stepped forward and reached for my left hand. He fiddled with the extravagant ring on my finger before engulfing the hand lovingly.
"Listen, Elsbeth," he said sadly, tone drastically different. "I don't want to do this. You of all people should know that. But I have to protect our family and this is the only way. Do you understand?"
Everyone had been asking me that lately. Do I understand? I don't think I did. I felt so lost and so left behind in everything. What was I supposed to do from here?
"And I know it's near impossible, but try not to get on Lucius' bad side too much. He's under a lot of pressure and he can't add your cheek to his list of problems. Just play your part and play it well. It's the only way we can ensure your safety, okay?"
He released my hand and stepped back with a sad smile.
"So quit making stupid decisions," his tone had returned to angry and condescending. I floundered at his sudden change in composure. "Quit hanging out with those undesirables and align yourself with your husband and the right side. Otherwise, you'll regret it."
It was astonishing. Here was another person who was convinced their side was the right one. What the hell constituted the right side anymore? Delusion was all around me.
"Also, next time," he continued, "get some better information. We already knew Black and his goons were involved on the wrong end of things."
"What?" I said, furious as his words hit me. "Are-are you guys following me?"
He didn't respond right away but the look on his face told me all I needed to know.
"You need to be kept in check," he said, giving me an answer I already knew. "Your insolence against Lucius has made us… 'suspicious' is a strong word, but let's say 'apprehensive' of your position."
My ears burned with the rage the bubbled over inside of me. I might change my mind later, but at that moment I decided not to pick anything. If both sides were going to continue to distrust me and withhold information, I wasn't going to follow anyone. Aggressively, I reached for my engagement ring and ripped it off my finger. In the blink of an eye, I threw it at him. He only flinched a little as it hit his chest before landing on the floor with a clink. He gave a strong glare in my direction as the sound echoed around the empty room.
"Well," I said haughtily, "you can tell Lucius he can continue to shove it unless everyone is going to start being honest with me. Same goes to you, brother."
Before he could retort, I turned to storm away. Reaching the door, I gave him one last look. I wanted to look angry, but I'm sure I came off as more defeated.
"I expected better out of you, Byron."
The last thing I saw as I made my way out into the corridor was his face falling in sadness.
The corridor around me began to spin and I could feel myself start to hyperventilate. Not wanting to be here when he left the room, I focused on my breathing. Finally steadying myself, I began to walk away quickly.
Knowing full well that I couldn't go back to the Slytherin common rooms right now, I headed for the entrance of the castle. Dressed only in my robes, I wasn't prepared for the crisp fall temperature that smacked me in the face. Too fussed to really let it bother me, I just pulled my robes closer and rushed down towards the bottom of the grounds. Heavily distracted, I nearly tripped several times before the greenhouse near the forest finally came into sight. I sighed with relief as the warmth of the foliage engulfed me as I entered.
I ripped off my robe, jumper, and tie before finally rolling up the sleeves of my button-up. I began pacing as I tried to swallow my emotions and cool myself down. Some of the Bowtruckles made their way down to the lower branches on their tree to witness my breakdown. Having an audience only elevated my anxiety even more. I stopped in front of the Belladonna patch Slughorn was so concerned about. Not caring if their poisonous berries caused me to become delirious, I couldn't help myself as I kicked at them furiously.
Finally giving in, I kneeled to the ground and began to sob. Throughout the day, I had somehow rebuilt my ability to cry and the tears flowed freely. My body convulsed as I heaved and I was happy that River wasn't here to witness my complete nervous collapse.
Scratch, scratch, scratch.
I raised my head slowly, already feeling my eyes puff up as I looked at the door. I held in my sobs as I waited in the silence to see if I was just imaging the noise.
Scratch, scratch, scratch.
Rubbing my eyes, I stood, pulling out my wand as I cautiously made my way towards the door. The scratching noise increased in tempo to the point where it was nonstop. Unable to see what or who was outside through the opaque door, I paused before opening it. I hoped beyond hope that Byron hadn't followed me, but I didn't think that he would be making that noise if he was trying to get in. Slowly, I opened the door.
Sitting obediently was the same black dog that had visited me… two weeks and one day ago. I gasped in shock. That seemed a little too coincidental. Had he understood me that night when I told him to come back at this time? There was no way. Right?
"What are you doing here?" I asked, perplexed as I wiped my eyes of the remaining tears that freckled my face.
He gave out a playful bark and a small jump, turning in circles as his tail wagged. Stopping in front of me, I squatted down, somehow able to put on a smile as I reached out to pet him. His head leaned into my hand and I let out a chuckle.
"Are you here to steal more of my plants?" I said as I stood up.
He went back to walking in circles joyfully, giving out a couple more barks.
"Fine, fine. C'mon."
Thoughts of the day momentarily moved to the back of my mind as I led the strange dog out of the greenhouse and into the garden.
"Lumos," I said, lighting my wand.
We traversed through the foliage, me sidestepping the herbs while he just stepped where he pleased. I rolled my eyes but didn't have the energy to try to control what he was doing. We reached the windowsill with the Wolfsbane supply, it having replenished itself with new buds in the past two weeks since the mysterious dog had visited me. I plucked four of the flowers and moved to head back into the greenhouse.
"It's a bit too cold out here, eh? Let's go back inside," I said as I wrapped my arms around me in an attempt to combat the cool breeze.
Back in the greenhouse, I sat down at one of the prep tables, the dog sitting nearby and watching me intently. Picking up a small knife, I began shearing the leaves off of the plants, making sure to rub the stem dry of its poisonous sap with a cloth.
"You know," I said, gaining the attention of my canine friend as he tilted his head sideways, "you got this just in time. To make the Wolfsbane Potion, you have to brew it for five days and then whoever it's for has to drink a goblet of it every day for a week before the full moon. If my calculations are correct, you still have one day to get everything together and then prepare it for the next full moon."
Once again, I found myself talking and joking with this dog as if he could understand me. Maybe I was just happy that someone, or I guess something, was here to pay attention to me as I talked freely, without the risk of judgment or the need to put up appearances. Plus, it was a great distraction from everything that was going on in my life right now.
At the thought of it, the conversations I had with Andromeda, Lily, and Byron started to ring in my ears. It was impossible for me to channel all the information I had learned throughout the past twenty-four hours into a cohesive train of thought. Andromeda thought I shouldn't bother poking around, while Lily and Byron both argued that I belonged to particular but opposing sides. My brain felt like it was pushing itself against my skull as I thought through it all and I felt the tears forming by how overwhelmed it made me.
"It must be so nice to be a dog," I sniffled as I continued to pull leaves carefully off of one of the flowers. "Not a care in the world… Besides getting potion ingredients it would seem. You never told me if you were a werewolf last time, you know. Why do you need this?"
I chuckled as I held up a flower to make my point. He seemed to avert his gaze, not meeting my own in a clear indication that he wasn't planning on telling me anything. Not that he could, right? He's a dog. He's a dog. I kept repeating it in my head so I wouldn't think I was crazy.
"Yep, must be nice," I repeated, wiping my tears away with the crook of my arm so I wouldn't get any of the sap in my eyes. "You don't have to marry someone you hate or pick sides in a war you have no control over… I'm sure other dogs don't pressure you into choosing what's 'right' or tell you to 'play a part' so you can keep up appearances for dogs you really can't stand but have to get along with. You don't lose trust in dogs you thought you were close with because dogs don't lie to one another, right?"
By the end, my tears flowed freely as I realized I was rambling. The dog remained still and silent but he appeared sad, shoulders slouched and eyes downcast. It was a stark contrast to his formerly playful self.
"Anyway," I tried to regain my composure, "here you go."
I handed him the flowers. He grabbed them in his mouth but placed them on the floor in front of him as he laid down himself. It was like he was there to listen, encouraging me to vent like I needed to.
"It's just all so confusing," I said unhappily as I rested my head in my hand that was propped up on the table by my elbow. "On one hand, there's this way of life I've always known. It doesn't make me unhappy necessarily, just annoyed most of the time. I'll never be able to understand why they all believe that there's a right way to be a wizard, you know? Well of course you don't, but anyway. It's been manageable for the most part. I just go along with it all, not really thinking much harm could come of it…"
I trailed off with a huge yawn, my eyelids feeling like boulders as I fought to keep consciousness, but still managing to produce tears somehow. The dog continued to lay still, eyes peering up at me intensely. A little unnerved, I once again got the feeling that he could actually understand me but I shook it off.
"My life has always been mapped out. Marry the man my parents wanted me to, hope I could at least get along with him, and then raise the perfect pureblood family. It honestly didn't seem too bad. I would want for nothing for the rest of my days. Well, for the most part, I guess. I would never be able to travel to exciting places where I could meet locals and study plants and different creatures. River, that's my Herbology teacher, always tells me stories of her times in the mountains of Mongolia, the deserts of Egypt, and other fantastical locations where she just got to learn about things. Sometimes, I think of this alternate reality where that could be my life as well. But I digress."
Another huge yawn and I could feel myself losing the battle against my exhaustion. I crossed my arms on the table and leaned my head down, my crying eyes wetting my sleeve. I gazed absently at some potted Dittany across from me. The sprouts were growing a little unruly, so we would need to clip them soon.
"But none of it matters. I hate my husband-to-be. We're about to head into a bloody war where both sides think they're right. I just found out about it today and it's already ruining my life. I'm being pulled in both directions, but I don't feel like I have the power of choice in the first place…"
I gave in and let my eyes close, just holding onto my last shred of consciousness. My tears finally came to a stop, but surely left my face tear-stained.
"But let's just say I do. The choice is either to stay with what I know and be miserable or leave and be exiled while ruining the lives of those I love… Because I do love my family, no matter what they're being pulled into… Not sure if I could leave them behind…"
My voice became slow as it matched my brain that was shutting down in order to slumber.
"I'm screwed no matter what."
And with that, I gave in and fell asleep.
The only dream I had was a strange one in the fact that it felt so real. It felt like arms wrapping around me and pulling me up from the chair. I was suspended in air for a minute before being placed down on something that was both hard and soft at the same time. My head lifted before being placed on something that felt the same. Then finally, rough covers washed over me, warming me from a chill I didn't realize had been engulfing me. The strangest part was the sound of a sad sigh that echoed through my subconscious. My brain wasn't able to process the sensations I was experiencing as I slept on.
The sunlight through the clear windows on the roof of the greenhouse illuminated the back of my eyelids and leisurely awoke me. Some Bowtruckles had apparently made their way to position themselves around my head as I laid down… Laid down?
I leaned up, confused. Instead of hunched over the table, I was laying on top of our stacks of soil bags, with an extra one under my head to elevate it like a pillow. My body ached slightly from lying all night on the semi-firm soil while I shifted into a sitting position. With my feet now planted on the floor, I moved into a standing position, stretching as I did so. I looked back at my sleeping arrangements, now noticing that I had also been using a cloth tarp as a makeshift blanket.
Huh, maybe it was less of a dream and more of a rendition of me carrying myself over here half asleep. It was the only thing that made sense considering I was alone. Well, besides my canine companion, but there's no way a dog could transport me like that. I chuckled at just the thought of it.
Rubbing my eyes, I rounded the table and saw that he was lying in the same spot where he was listening to me last night. He was still fast asleep, laid out on his back with limbs shooting in all directions. The cleaned Wolfsbane now rested on top of the table safely. Maybe I had done that in my half-asleep state as well.
I made my way over to him, seeing that the clock over the door read that it was just past six. Well, at least I got a few hours of sleep.
"Hey, you," I said quietly as I leaned down and pet his head. He awoke with a start, shocked for a second before seeming to realize where he was. He then stretched like I had, tongue curling as it extended out of his mouth unwillingly. He flipped over so he was now in a sitting position, scratching his ear with his back leg after he got comfortable. "What are you still doing here?"
His response was a huff and I giggled, standing up. I rubbed my eyes. They almost felt raw, that's how puffy and overworked they were. It was going to be another long day, that's for sure. I sighed as I pulled my sweater over my head and buttoned on my robes.
"Ready to go?"
He stood up, shaking out his body in the process before walking over to the table and leaning his snout towards the Wolfsbane. I grabbed and passed the flowers over to him. He happily took them with his mouth and trotted next to me as we made our way over to the door.
"Is this going to become a thing?" I asked jokily, leaning down and petting him once more. Like always, he leaned into my touch, mouth almost twisting up into a smile. "Thanks for listening to me last night."
My voice was somber, but I held a smile. With one last scratch behind the ear, I stood and watched as he jogged into the forest. I turned and made my way up to the castle lazily. The halls were extremely quiet. My shoes against the flagstones echoed around the corridors, competing with the birds chirping just outside the windows.
There was, thankfully, no one in the common room when I entered. I silently made my way to my dorm, making sure not to make a sound as I entered my room. As expected, all of my roommates were asleep so I opened my trunk as quietly as I could manage to grab some fresh robes. I felt grimy, no doubt from my night spent on heaps of soil. A proper bath was definitely in order.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw it sparkle lightly in the teal luster of the room. Propped in its opened original box on my nightstand was my engagement ring, challenging me to leave it behind. Sending a glare in its direction, I left for the girls' bathroom. After cleaning up, I changed into a new set of robes and returned to my bedroom to grab my satchel. Without even considering putting it on, I left the common room to start my day engagement ring-free.
I had managed to avoid Lucius the entire day somehow. I could tell he was trying to talk to me by the meaningful glares he was sending my way in the corridors. I just avoided him minus the occasional short glare back at him. Totally unable to ignore another meal, though, I opted to eat my lunch in the kitchens rather than joining my housemates in the Great Hall.
"Beth!" I heard Lily yell out behind me as I walked down the path to the greenhouse classrooms for Herbology. She caught up to me quickly, leaving behind James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter as they meandered further behind us. "How are you? I feel like I haven't seen you at all today."
"Yeah," I mumbled with a yawn. I couldn't wait to sleep all weekend, even if it meant not going to Hogsmeade on Saturday. "Just been off studying, y'know?"
"You do that too much," she happily linked her arm with mine. I froze for only a second at her touch before melting into it. I realized I was too over everything to care about appearances right now.
"Wow," I said in mock shock. "Lily Evans telling me to not study? The scandal!"
"Don't tell anyone I said that," she giggled. "I wanted to say thanks again for helping me with this essay. Professor Puffywood is going to love it, I feel it."
"Anything to help the cause."
We chit-chatted happily for the rest of the walk, not mentioning a word about dark wizards or blood status. For a moment, it felt like yesterday hadn't happened and today was just another normal school day. But this feeling of glee could only last for so long.
"Elsbeth," I heard someone yell, much less cordially.
Looking back, past the Gryffindor Quartet, I saw Lucius and some of his goons storm down the path towards me. The four boys also turned their heads, looking back at us with anger written on their faces after they realized who it was. I blushed under their gazes, even though I know their emotions weren't directed towards me.
"Oh great," Lily groaned. Her face scrunched up like she smelled something foul. "Want me to stick with you?"
"No, that's ok," I replied with a sigh. "Let me just take care of this real quick."
I parted with Lily and walked off to stand beside the trail and out of the way of passing students. Lucius' friends remained at a distance as he stormed up to stand right in front of me.
"You look appalling," he said with a sneer. "It looks like a bird is nesting on the top of your head."
I scoffed. Abandoning my usual polished waves, I had been too exhausted this morning to bother with it so I had thrown my hair up into a messy bun. I couldn't imagine it helped with my overall look, what with my puffy face and all, but you couldn't pay me to care today.
"'Hello' to you too," I replied flatly.
"We're past the opportunity for pleasantries since you've been avoiding me all day."
"Have I? Hadn't noticed," I said smugly. "Why? Did you need something? Otherwise, there's no reason for us to be speaking right now… Which would make sense considering you apparently don't want to tell me anything important these days anyway."
The last part was laced with an underlying meaning that I'm sure he didn't miss. His face contorted with anger and in a second he had reached out, grabbing my left wrist aggressively. My face flushed a little as some of the students walking along the path failed to keep their gazes hidden. Lucius was getting bolder, which only made me more worried.
"All I wanted to say," he said through gritted teeth, "was that if you take this off and throw it again, there will be substantial consequences."
Wrist beginning to burn, I watched as he slipped that stupid engagement ring back on my finger. I rolled my eyes, of course he would consider this an astronomical issue and make a big deal out of it.
"Whatever," I said, yanking my wrist out of his hold. I hoped I had released it in time so a bruise wouldn't form. "Anything else?"
His mouth turned into a straight line as he considered his next words. I only waited a moment before I decided this conversation was over.
"Thought not."
With a brisk turn, I left him and continued down the path.
I breathed a sigh of relief when I entered the comfort of the greenhouse. The classroom consisted of one long table that was now topped with plenty of planters filled with baby Venomous Tentacula. Houses usually lined up on opposite sides of the table, so I planted myself halfway down where Lily had done the same on the other side.
"Man," she said nervously when I sat down, "I'm going to be honest, these are much more terrifying in person than I thought they would be."
"Don't forget to use that free cursing pass," I said with a smile.
A few minutes later, James, Remus, and Peter burst into the greenhouse, guffawing as they did so. They waded through other students and sat themselves down next to Lily, disrupting the plants in front of them with the volume of their voices. Venomous Tentacula did not like loud noises, so I was just waiting for one of them to get wrapped up.
"I mean the look on his face," James said in between breaths of laughter, "priceless. Absolute gold."
"Um," Lily tapped him on the shoulder from her seat right next to him. He turned with a vibrant smile to face her. "Where's the fourth idiot?"
"Ah," Remus answered after one last chuckle, James being unable to as he once again burst into laughter. "He's headed up to the hospital wing with Hagrid. Too bad too, these things look wicked." He gave a nod towards the plant in front of him.
"Hospital wing?!" Lily's voice was shrill as she yelled out. "What happened?"
"Oh man, you should have been there," James finally said as he poked at the base of his Tentacula, laughter finally subsided. "Epic face-off with Malfoy. Really stunning."
"What?" Lily screamed what I wanted to. The boys just broke out into another fit of laughter, unfazed by her tone.
"Yeah, it was brilliant. He got injured in the skirmish, but trust me when I say that Malfoy is going to be hurting for a while."
Despite my best efforts to restrain it, I couldn't help the small smile that formed on my face.
Me again! I just wanted to give a spoiler of how hype I am to write the next chapter of this story. Exciting things (at least, exciting to me) will happen!
See you next time and thanks for reading! :)