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- CHAPTER 11: A STEP BACKWARDS -

"Absolutely not," Lily said simply. We walked around another corner, our eyes on the lookout for any students out of bed as we completed our Prefect duties. I had specifically paired us up together, being the lead tonight, so I could discuss with Lily about talking to her worst enemy. "Out of the question. Not going to happen."

The night was freezing as we made our way past a bay of large windows. Even the enchantments on the castle couldn't keep the cold outside at bay as we neared them, my breath just ever so slightly showing in front of me. Christmas holiday was right around the corner and the school was decorated as such. Hung on each wall were plethoras of garlands and wreaths, all decorated with bulbs of maroon, yellow, navy, and green. Extra candles floated around while mistletoe appeared out of nowhere.

"What?" I said, incredulous. A little dumbfounded, I stopped short in the corridor to gape at her. This conversion had gone much better in my head. "But why?"

"Why would I?" She seethed, not stopping and forcing me to catch up with her. " I vowed never to speak to that prick again."

"It's not like I'm asking you to be friends with him," I pleaded. "I just need you to speak to him… We need your help."

"We need your help," I had begun when we were sitting with the Marauders in the Room of Requirement. They all had raised their brows expectantly, facial expressions ranging from annoyance to worry.

As quickly but thoroughly as I could, I had explained everything concerning my great aunt's journal and the mystery it had unfolded. The diary, the runes, the stories… I tried to leave no detail out as I recalled all the information we had learned thus far, Regulus input comments here and there to fill in some of the gaps that I had glazed over. James had scoffed consistently throughout the tale, Remus and Sirius shooting him sideways glances. Peter, oddly enough, seemed transfixed on what was being said. It actually made me squirm a bit at how his beady eyes moved in and out of focus but never leaving me as I spoke.

"So let me just get this straight," James said, popping some crystalized pineapple in his mouth. "You want us to journey into the Forbidden Forest, in the middle of the night, on a hunch that there might be a magical cup somewhere in there."

"I get it sounds a little crazy," I sighed, running a hand through my hair. My finger got caught on a knot and I winced.

"Not just crazy," he grumbled. "Absolutely insane."

"Like I said, there's no way she would give the journal to me if it didn't mean—"

"And why isn't she doing it then?" He raised his brow haughtily. "It is her 'research,' afterall. Right?"

I went quiet, my cheeks flushing. I hadn't told anyone besides Andromeda what exactly happened to my great aunt, not even Regulus. It was something that had almost come up many times but I just never felt comfortable with telling him. And if I wasn't going to tell him, I sure as hell wasn't going to tell James Potter. Before the silence became noticeable, I steeled up.

"She's indisposed at the moment," I said quietly. "And that's beside the point… I have it now, so it's on me to figure it out."

"Well, sounds like it's your problem then," he rolled his eyes, scoffing once more. "You can count us out. Might be daft most of the time but even I'm not so stupid as to risk my life for nothing. I'm too important."

"What if I considered it an apology?" I gave him a pointed glare.

"Oh, believe me," he said only half mockingly. "You're not worth it, darlin'."

With an exasperated sigh, I looked at Regulus for help. He merely shrugged, shooting me a look that read 'I told you so.' This truly was a horrible idea, wasn't it? I resisted the urge to yell in irritation, my eyes watering from embarrassment and frustration about the whole situation.

"So you're not going to help us then?" Regulus finally asked gruffly when he noticed my inability to continue.

"Absolutely fuckin' not—"

"I think we should hear them out."

We all froze in silence at the small voice that had interrupted James. Surprised eyes flitted to Peter as he sunk into the couch from the unexpected attention. I wasn't sure if he had meant to say anything at all but I was happy that he had. At least I had someone in my corner, it would seem. Though not exactly the kind of support I was expecting, I would take it nonetheless. He seemed a little more reassured when I sent him a small smile, returning it with one of his own.

"What'd you say, Wormtail?" James said menacingly. The pudgy boy shrunk even more somehow. Push him anymore and he might have completely melted into the sofa. "If you're implying what I think—"

"Just get off it, Prongs," Remus breathed, trying to be peeved but mostly exhausted. "Let her speak. You haven't even heard the plan." He shifted his tired eyes onto me, holding his side steady. "You do have a plan, right?"

"Um," I hesitated while fidgeting. "S-sure." My stumble hadn't gone unnoticed as Remus closed his eyes in despair. I looked over to Sirius, practically begging him with my eyes to help out. His features were conflicted as he tried to choose between his friends and me. I knew what he had to pick. They were his mates for life. I was a doomed-to-fail love interest. It was a no brainer. "The nest—or whatever it is—is located directly in the center of the forest. Bluebell flames can help protect us. Nocturnal creatures don't—"

"Bluebell flames?" James continued, interrupting me. "You think a first year spell is going to save us from whatever's out there? You're barking mad."

"I never said anything about it saving us. I just know it can help us out a little bit. Give us some sort of protection until we get to wherever it is we're going." I took some calming breaths, trying not to let his sour mood distract me. Looks like I would need to fight sass with sass. "What? It's not like you don't know any other spells. Or are you that incompetent of a wizard?"

"What did you just—"

"Alright, alright," Sirius had finally spoken, rubbing his eyes in exasperation. "Let's just all take a breath, yeah?"

I shifted back into my seat on the couch, Regulus giving my shoulder a squeeze of comfort with his arm that was still wrapped around me. Sirius' brow once again twitched at our proximity. That couldn't actually be jealousy, right? Despite my attempts to hold it back, the blush crept up my neck and onto my cheeks. Thank Merlin for the dimness of the lounge that would hide it. I shook my head slightly in an attempt to clear my head. This was not the time.

"Fine," James finally gave in after a rough shove of the knee from the long-haired boy beside him. "Let's just pretend I give a shit about all this." He popped another piece of the crystalized pineapple into his annoying mouth. His pucker from the tartness accented his words. "What are we going to find at this secret hiding location? What will we need to do?"

A heavy silence washed over us. It was the question above all that I had hoped no one would ask. Because the truth was, I had no clue. I had been so focused on just locating the damn thing that I didn't even begin to think about what would await us. Something in my gut told me it would probably be just as challenging as deciphering the clues to locate the objects… In which case, Salazar help us.

"Dear Merlin," James seemed to catch on to my thoughts. He shot me a glare before continuing. "You have no clue what's out there, do you?"

"No," I had said instantly, my eyes prickling with tears again. However, this time I was too angry to let them bother me. Angry at James for being a total ass but mostly angry at myself for knowing that he was right. "I don't but—" Another pause as I considered my next words carefully. "But I can't help but think that this isn't a coincidence. My aunt has never given me something so personal. Something so informative. And about really rare and highly magical objects. That can't be by chance. Especially with everything that's going on."

We slipped into a heavy silence, all of us contemplating what I had just said. I knew I was right. She had been onto something. Something that was somehow linked to everything that was going on and she had trusted me to solve it. I wasn't going to let it go without at least trying. My hope faltered once more when James' features resolved to one of contempt once more.

"But again," his words dripped with judgement. "No plan at all?"

"No," I responded lowly.

"So that settles it then," he had shrugged arrogantly. "We're not doing it. Right, boys—"

"I think we should vote on it," Peter's timid voice rang throughout the room once more. He blushed profusely as we stared at him again, even the fire unable to hide the redness on his cheeks. He faltered under James' glare but was somehow able to carry his own. "What? It's the easiest way to make a choice."

"A vote?" I had said incredulously.

Sirius had shrugged. "Sometimes it's the only way to get things done around here."

I sighed, crossing my arms as I leaned back. "Well. Get on with it then." My voice was completely drained with the assumption that this wasn't going to go in my favor.

"All those in favor of not going?" Sirius had asked. Unsurprisingly, James raised his hand. But surprisingly, he was the only one to do so. "All those in favor of going?" The rest of the boys had raised their hands at varying levels of confidence. I gaped in surprise, Regulus matching my expression with raised eyebrows. Sirius patted James on the knee in assurance. "Sorry, mate. Looks like we're heading into the forest."

"Fine," James grit through tightened teeth. With rigid movements, he grabbed another sweet. "But if we die, I swear… I swear I will haunt you forever, Ledoux."

"I'm not doing it," Lily continued before I could even plead my case. With each passing moment, I was closer and closer to giving up. However, if I could get the Marauders to help me out, I could get Lily to do this one favor. "You're insane for even trying, to be honest. Though I commend you for the effort."

"B-but," I gasped, panic rising in my chest. Tonight couldn't end without her agreeing to help us. Remus, despite how much he was trying to hide it, was clearly worried about how a week had already passed since the skirmish in the Shrieking Shack. "But it's not about me," I pleaded, actually tugging on her arm to pause her. "It's, well—"

My hesitation was palpable as I decided my next words carefully. Remus had given my blessing to expose his condition to Lily in order to make my case but I was still unsure. It just felt too personal, too intimate for me to be the one to reveal something like this. He really needed to be the one to tell her, I had argued. But then guilt and shame crossed his face and I couldn't help but give in. I had been the one to suggest Lily talk to Snape, I'd have to lay in that bed no matter what it entailed.

"Go on?" She stopped, genuine curiosity crossing her features.

"It's about Remus," I sighed. "And the rest of them, really… But mostly about Remus. Snape knows something about him and we need to make sure he doesn't tell anyone."

"What's that got to do with me?" She sneered as if the mere thought of him unnerved her.

"You know he won't genuinely listen to anyone else but you," I replied sadly. Knowing about their previous relationship and how it ended had been plaguing me. I didn't know if it was because I was more upset and sad for the two of them, or more anxious that it was the path Sirius and I would potentially follow despite my efforts to keep it from being so.

And speaking of the long-haired boy of wonder, I had been actively avoiding him all week. To the point where I literally jumped into closets at the sight of him down the corridor. We'd had a moment in the Room of Requirement but it wasn't one I was so sure that I wanted to repeat. I had been dangerously close to letting my heart win, mentally slapping myself after the fact for being so foolish. He and his goons were just the extra bodies that we needed to get into the forest, get the cup, and get out. No more, no less, and definitely no caressing or lip brushing. At least that's what I kept telling myself.

But even as I cursed the thought of his touch, my heart yearned for those strong arms to wrap around me once more.

"What are you on about?" She asked, pulling me very abruptly out of my fantasy. Her sour mood had turned worried, catching on very quickly that this was more serious than she had previously thought. She really was the smartest witch of our age. I couldn't even imagine competing. "What's going on with Remus? And the rest of them?"

"He-he's," I kept hesitating, the words catching in the back of my throat like bile. I swallowed it down, the cause overriding an emotion that I had about the situation. "He's a werewolf," I whispered as I pulled her over to the side. They couldn't do much but I couldn't risk the portraits gossiping about it.

"What?" She asked in a similar whisper, mouth hanging wide. "This is some sort of joke, right?" She looked around. "Those idiots are going to pop out at any moment, aren't they?"

"No, no!" I whisper yelled. "And please. Keep your voice down." My hands raised in a pleading motion. "Just listen," I began.

Then I told her everything. How I found out, the Wolfsbane Potion, Snape's near-death experience at the Shrieking Shack… And I didn't stop there. I decided it was time to tell someone besides Regulus and the Marauders what was going on. Soon, I found I was just rambling about meeting up with the Marauders in the Room of Requirement, my great aunt's journal, our planned quest into the Forbidden Forest that was set to happen this Thursday. The only part I skipped over was my near kiss with Sirius… No one needed to know about that particular event.

"I think that's everything," I tried to catch my breath. We had moved to a bench near the window overlooking the grounds. I thought fondly back to the time I had done the same thing with Remus. It seemed like ages ago now. We held our robes tighter to fend off the chill. "Any questions?"

"So many," she sighed, rubbing a hand over her face. Suddenly, she side-eyed me. "Why do you care so much?"

I stopped at the question, practically stifling a laugh. It was the same thing I had asked Sirius a couple of times before. Oh, how the tables had turned.

"All my life, my every waking moment has been mapped out for me," I began honestly. It was an uncomfortable feeling being so honest. I fidgeted with my bare fingers, the indent of my engagement ring prominent on my finger. Like a subtle reminder that it still loomed despite not wearing it. "But with all this… Remus. The journal. It feels like I finally have control over something. Like I can make my own decisions without my 'legacy'—or whatever they want to call it—that's looming over me." I stopped once more, pushing away the tears that threatened to fall. I continued in a mere whisper. "Like I can finally do some good."

She sighed. "Get up," she said, abruptly standing. I shot her a very confused look. She grabbed my hand. "C'mon." Without warning, she heaved me up to stand in front of her.

All of the sudden, I was wrapped in a warm hug. For a moment, I was frozen, my arms not sure what was going on and how to react. But Lily refused to let go until I gave in and, finally, I did. With slow movements, I wrapped my arms around her and returned the hug. We stood there for a couple of moments and I allowed some tears to actually fall. This was exactly what I needed. A hug from a friend. Too soon, we parted. She held onto my shoulders.

"I'll help you," she said quietly. "But you have to be there." She shoved her hands into her pockets and began to continue on down the corridor. "And I'm not doing it again so tell your boyfriend and his idiots not to do anything else so stupid."

A blush washed over my features so violently that the cold didn't even bother me anymore. What was she on about? Boyfriend?

"W-what?" I spluttered, unsure of where she would even get an idea like that. "I don't have—"

"Oh, please. It's so obvious he fancies you," she stopped and turned, shooting me a wink. "And I think you're starting to return those feelings."

I quickly caught up to her and we walked on. "I have no idea what you're talking about," I said with a huff.

"Sure," she said sarcastically. "James loves to gossip, especially about his friends, you know. He's told me plenty of his observations… And he's usually never wrong."

"Well, he's wrong this time—" I paused, catching on. "Wait. Since when are you and James hanging out alone? " It was her turn to flush. "Dear Salazar! Lily Evans, are you and James—"

"Just shut it," she boiled, walking faster. "Before I change my mind about speaking to Severus."

I raised my hands in surrender. "Won't mention it again."

"Good."

"At least not before you help us."

"Merlin," she practically ran down the corridor but that didn't stop me from seeing the wild blush on her cheeks.

"Why do we need to go to the depths of the castle to talk about Potions homework?" Snape sneered from his position just a few feet behind me. "I know you've missed a lot of classes but seems more like you're leading me on a scavenger hunt… Honestly, so unnecessary," he grumbled and I rolled my eyes.

I couldn't argue with him. Lily had picked the most out of the way room to have our rendezvous. It was the day after she had agreed to do it, wanting to get it over as quickly as possible. So before we had parted last night, we had set the plan. I would ask for Snape's help after Potions and she would meet us in an empty classroom at the very edge of the fourth floor. Despite it being the most inconspicuous place to meet, I still shot glances over my shoulder to make sure that I wasn't being watched and that no one was following us.

It had seemed like they were easing up in that department anyhow. No one had mentioned anything about me meeting up with the Marauders or otherwise doing things I wasn't supposed to be doing. Maybe they felt bad for my current mental state, given the whole trial. I wasn't complaining but my anxiety still kept me on edge. This could only last for so long.

Finally, we rounded the last corner and the door to the classroom came in sight. I breathed a sigh of relief, checking over my shoulder one last time before heaving on it and stepping inside.

"What are we doing—" He stopped short when he saw Lily stand from her leaning position on one of the old desks.

We were surrounded by maps, all circled in various parts. Must have been an old History of Magic classroom. Snape looked breathless at the sight of her before he caught who else was in the room. Right behind Lily was Sirius, though he remained casually leaning on the window sill he occupied. He shot a smirk my way, completely ignoring Snape. The latter sneered at the sight of him.

"What are you doing here?" Both Snape and I asked at the same time, directed toward the long-haired boy on the window. Snape's came out as a malicious sneer while I was just genuinely curious.

Sirius ignored the crow-nosed boy, eyes fixed on me. "James thought it would be… prudent to have one of us here," his smirk was unyielding. "And obviously it couldn't be him." This time he shot a pointed look at Snape.

"Alright," Lily's light voice cut through the stiff air in the room. "Let's just get on with it, yeah?"

I decided to move back and lean on the wall right beside the door, now directly across from Sirius. You would think, given he was the dedicated 'bodyguard,' that his eyes would be fixed on the action in front of him. But they weren't. His gaze never left me. I tried to ignore it at first, focusing on Lily and Snape but I found myself faltering under it. Finally, I met it, my knees practically buckling from the intensity of it. He shot me a wink, apparently not affected by my own look. Taking a couple of deep breathes, I finally broke eye contact and moved back to the issue at hand.

"Get on with what?" Snape crossed his arms, trying to look tough but failing miserably.

"I think you know," Lily said almost desperately. My heart crushed at the scene. It seemed with one minimal interaction, her tough facade towards him broke. She missed him. Their friendship must have meant so much to her. "Severus, I know what this prick did was unacceptable." She pointed a thumb towards Sirius for emphasis. He seemed unfazed. "But please…I'm asking you not to say anything."

The greasy-haired boy scoffed loudly. "You want me to protect him? To protect them?" He paused, nose scrunching as if he smelled something foul. "You must be joking."

"I'm not," Lily said sternly but gently. Her eyes welled with sadness and she took steps closer, planting herself right in front of him. "Severus, please. This is beyond war. This is about a boy who has no control over his condition."

Snape's jaw clenched. "It's not about him… It's about him." He jabbed a finger at Sirius. The latter boy finally looked away from me to gaze at Snape. His eyes were lazy, uncaring. I couldn't help but glare. Did he not know how important this was? "He's the one who tried to kill me!"

"I know, I know," Lily began, grabbing Severus' hand in both of hers. "But he's sorry about it and—"

"I want to hear him say it, then."

The room went quiet at Snape's words. Oh, no. Seeing a unicorn was probably more likely than getting the pighead that was Sirius to apologize. A gaze in his direction confirmed this as he just rolled his eyes.

"And he will!" Lily said, turning to her friend. "Right?" She was practically pleading.

Sirius took a deep breath, clearly weighing the options in his mind. I knew his pride was warring with his common sense. Finally, his eyes landed back on me. They were serious, a question asking me what to do. With my own, I asked the same question Lily had. I tried to plead without moving, hoping he was able to read my expression. If this is what Snape needed, he had to do it. Surely he knew that, right? I got my answer as he lifted himself off the window sill.

He stood next to Lily, hands in his pockets as he faced Snape. This could really go one of two ways and I waited with bated breath. "I'm sorry, Severus," he said confidently. I gave out a sigh of relief. "It was childish of me and if I had known it would put you in so much danger, I wouldn't have even considered it. I would have done something tamer—" Lily slapped him on the arm before he continued. "I mean," he rubbed his arm as he continued. "I know we're not friends. Never will be. But even that was inexcusable. And I am genuinely sorry about it."

And then he shocked me by actually holding out a hand for Snape to shake. Even Lily's eyes widened in surprise. There was a pregnant pause as we all waited with bated breath for what the Slytherin boy would do. He didn't reach out immediately and as the seconds ticked by we wondered if he would at all. Suddenly, his gaze swiveled to me.

"You know," he said seriously, black eyes boring into mine. They contrasted so significantly with Sirius' that it caught me off guard and I almost tripped. "They'll—he'll—burn you if they know you're fraternizing with them."

Sirius' free hand clenched and his jaw set tightly but his hand remained up for Snape to grab. I doubt we would leave this room until the two boys shook on it. I watched his chest rise and fall heavily as he tried to control his breathing. For some reason, knowing that my situation made him so upset outweighed my fear of it. It pushed the memory of those red eyes on the balcony away as I had the overwhelming urge to comfort him.

Instead, I resorted to a heavy sigh. "I know—"

"I don't think you do," he interrupted sharply. "Insolence is becoming less and less acceptable. He'll—" He stopped short, mouth quivering as he turned to look at Lily. His next words came out in a whisper. "He'll torture anyone who gets in his way."

"Which is why it's best you don't," Lily said softly. "You've already kept it to yourself for this long… Just pretend it never happened and you'll be fine, yeah?"

Sirius' hand was shaking at this point, whether from keeping it up for so long or from anger, I didn't know. He pushed it higher so Snape couldn't ignore it but the boy just sneered once more.

"I'm still not sure," he mumbled. "This is exactly the type of information he would want to know."

Shit. Shit. Shit.

I had feared this might be where the conversation would head but was kind of hoping Snape was oblivious enough not to make that connection. But now my worst fear had come true. Defeated, I put my head in my hands, not willing to look as Snape delivered the final blow that would surely end us all. I felt a gaze on me once more but this time I just couldn't meet Sirius' eyes. With tears welling in my eyes, I knew that if I looked at him, I would break down completely.

If Snape told the Dark Lord, I was sure that Remus would be dead within a fortnight. And so would I for helping him. Then probably my family soon after just to make an example.

My head whipped up at the sound of a ruckus. I don't know exactly how everything went down but as my eyes refocused on the individuals in front of me, I saw as Sirius had Snape pinned up against a desk with the hand that was previously raised. Snape's back tilted at an unnatural angle over the desk, his hands propping him up to keep him from falling over completely. Sirius' eyes could light the other boy on fire if he wanted to.

I stepped into action the same time Lily did. She pulled on his arm but failed to move him back as Sirius wound up his other hand to hit Snape. In the nick of time, I reached up, grabbing his wrist to stop him. He looked at me with savage eyes but they softened at my unspoken plea. Reluctantly, he released the front of Snape's robes. His arm fell as he took a step back. For good measure, I stood in front of him, hands on his chest in order to prevent him from doing anything else.

"See?" Snape seethed at Lily. She flinched and my heart broke once more for her. "Why would I protect that?"

"Severus," Lily was on the verge of tears. "Please."

"Absolutely not," he sneered, adjusting his tie. "I will not stand by and cover for insolent dolts and bloodtraitors like him—"

"I'll forgive you!" Lily blurted out and Snape stopped immediately, dumbfounded. Hands still on Sirius' chest, I felt his heartbeat stop. "That's what you want, right? Well, I forgive you." She was breathing fast, words coming out quickly. "But only, only if you don't say anything. Breathe a word and consider yourself dead to me, okay?"

They had a cold stare off and I wondered if Lily going on the offensive was the right move. Snape was known to be erratic and it was hard to know what was going on in his head always. We watched with bated breath to try and decipher what he was thinking but it was fruitless. Finally, he stood tall, height matching Sirius' as he strode over to the other boy. I remained in front of him in case this escalated once more but as Snape stopped in front of us, he raised a hand.

I eyed it in shock, my body unable to move for what felt like a full minute. Then finally, I pushed myself out of the way in order for Sirius to take it. With stiff movements, they completed the handshake and then immediately dropped it like they had both placed their palms on a hot stove.

"I'll keep my lips sealed so long as they leave me alone," he grumbled as he strode back to Lily.

"That won't be a problem." Lily glared back at Sirius in warning. The long-haired boy in front of me sneered but nodded his head.

"Can I talk to you?" Snape stopped in front of her. He peeked at us before meeting her solemn stare. "Privately?"

Sirius and I awaited her signal, not wanting to leave her if she was uncomfortable. With a meek nod in our direction, she gave us the cue to head off. We took slow steps, both of us making sure to give Snape pointed looks in warning. We reached the door and he opened it for me. I made sure to check the corridor before fully exiting. With one last look back at Snape and Lily, him already talking in a hushed voice while she listened with a sad gaze, I stepped out and Sirius closed the door behind us.

We walked silently towards the main staircases, me looking over my shoulder every other second. I'm sure I could come up with some sort of excuse for walking with Sirius but I don't think anyone would believe whatever I fathomed up. Not an ideal scenario. I was playing a very dangerous game.

Before we reached the corner, there was a firm grasp on my wrist and in a sweeping motion, I was pulled abruptly into the nearest empty room. Thankfully not as dusty as the last, I recognized it as one of the Arithmancy classrooms. Without giving me a chance to catch up, he pinned me gently against the wall next to the door, leaning on a hand that rested near my head. I was trapped to the stone as he ducked his head low to rest right in front of my face. His eyes were calculated as he used his free hand to lift my chin and force me to look into his gaze.

"You're avoiding me," he said quietly, gently rubbing his thumb right below my lip. It left tingles in its wake.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I could only mumble, my heart rate increasing significantly.

He rolled his eyes. "You think I don't see you ducking into rooms to avoid me as we cross paths in the corridor," he said quietly. "And you're actively avoiding my gaze in class. It would be kind of cute if I didn't desperately want to talk to you."

His hand moved from my chin to my hair, slowly running his hand through it. He knew exactly what he was doing. And I found that I really didn't mind.

"What's there to talk about," I looked down to the floor which earned another tug on the chin. He was smiling softly now, eyes glazed over as if thinking of a memory.

"I think you know," his face leaned ever so closer.

At that moment, I wanted nothing more than to complete what we had started a week ago in the Room of Requirement. To wrap my arms around his neck and plant my lips on his. Even if only to gauge how real these emotions actually were. But even without doing so, I knew the answer to that. I blushed at my own thoughts, an action he didn't miss. He smiled wider, face inching closer and closer until we were once again in that compromising position right before connecting our lips.

But then his eyes morphed, turning red and glowing in the dim light of the room. Fear rippled through my body as I was transported back to the balcony at the Manor. The image of his scaly face overtaking my vision as a subtle and threatening reminder. I pushed Sirius back and the mirage disappeared.

"I'm sorry," he said flustered. "I didn't—I thought—"

"No," I rubbed my eyes. "It wasn't you… I just—" His hand remained above my head, the other one back to stroking my hair. After a long pause, I continued in a barely audible whisper. "You heard Snape, Sirius. He'll destroy me. This… This can never work. We need to stop before we get hurt."

"I can protect you," he said confidently, hand cupping my cheek.

"Can you protect all of us?" I shot back, eyes ablaze with misery. "My entire family?"

"We can figure out a way—"

"Sure," I pushed off the wall and out of his grasp, crossing my arms as I moved further into the classroom and away from him. I paused in thought for just a moment before whipping my head back to gaze into his now agonized eyes. "Let's just say you can protect all of us—my entire family tree—until the war is over," I stopped, not even wanting to say the next words out loud but knowing I had to. "But what if he wins, Sirius? What then? We can't possibly run forever."

"Hey," he walked up to me, grabbing my hands. The urgency behind the motion was almost like he couldn't stand not to be touching me. "Don't talk like that. We're going to win. And then we can be happy."

We're going to win. We can be happy. He was speaking as if the idea of a 'we' was something achievable and realistic. The thought made my heart flutter significantly and another blush crept up my face. However, it dropped just as quickly when I remembered how it was not an option. Commendable to think about it, for sure, but still a pipe dream nonetheless. If only he knew how scared he should actually be.

"There is no 'we,' Sirius," he physically recoiled at the sound of it. Like I had slapped him across the face. My heart broke for myself this time. But I had to put an end to whatever this was, here and now. We couldn't continue to steal moments that would always end with the reminder that we would never be. "There's 'you' and then there's 'us.' That's just the reality of it."

I hope that he could see the hurt in my face that mimicked his own. This clearly wasn't how he wanted this conversation to end. Truthfully, I was kind of wishing it had gone a different way as well. But there was no helping reality. It came in swift and harsh, knocking over everything in its path.

"I'm sorry," I continued, now fully out of his grasp. I fidgeted my fingers. They felt cold, almost distant from my body, without his warm ones holding onto them.

He let out a long breath. "Please don't be," he frowned deeply and I worried if it would permanently mold his face. "I know it's impossible. I was just… I was just wishing you would have the same amount of hope as I did."

I shuddered, thinking of the balcony one more. The cold hand that forced me to interlock arms with that demon of a man. "If you knew what I've had to experience," I began with a hard swallow, "you wouldn't have any hope left to spare."

He simply nodded, unable to say anything else it would seem. We just stared at each other, as if willing this moment never to end despite the conversation clearly being over. Neither of us wanted to return to the real world. Instead, we longed to enjoy each other's presence, even if it was in silence. It was peaceful here in our little bubble. Like there wasn't a care to be had. I gave out a sad sigh when I realized how late it was getting by the sun setting in the window behind him. The rays illuminated his dark hair, silhouetting him like a piece of art.

"I should go," I murmured. He answered with another simple nod. My heart plummeted once more. I turned quickly, traitorous tears welling, and opened the door. Before I exited, I turned back to him. He sharpened, not wanting me to see just how upset he was but I had caught a glimpse anyway. "I really am sorry."

But without waiting for an answer, I turned and left.

Thankfully, the walk to the Great Hall was quick and quiet. Many students were already down there, feasting on dinner. I hope I still had enough time to actually eat real food and not just pudding. I need some carbs, some sort of potato maybe, not just cake and chocolate. My stomach was rumbling at the thought of some heavily buttered mashed potatoes when I entered.

Immediately, I spotted Lucius' gleaming platinum hair. It was now well past his shoulders but he refused to put it up, mimicking his father. Across from him, unsurprisingly, sat my brother. While everyone knew they weren't exactly friends, much like everyone else in our position, they had to keep up appearances. So they often sat together at meals though you could tell they didn't want to based on their lack of conversation. On a normal day, I would find myself there as well. But since I had reemerged from my hiding hole after the trial, I had actively avoided associating with Lucius, appearances be damned. It didn't stop Byron from giving me a small wave, pleading for me to join them.

Instead, I stopped closer to the end of the table, almost near the door. With a huff, I placed myself in front of Regulus, the boy not even looking up to me as he moved some broccoli around his plate.

"I don't know why you keep putting that on your plate when you're not going to eat it," I chided him like a mother as I snatched up a scoop of the mashed potatoes I so wanted. With a plop they landed on my plate and I immediately grabbed my spoon to scoop some into my mouth. "You know you don't like them," I said through a mouthful.

"I'm hoping I'll eventually like them if I continue to try," he shrugged.

He picked up a piece on his fork and held it up in front of his face. With a quick sniff, he dropped it back down harshly. Crossing his arms, his attention turned from his plate to me. Narrowing his eyes, he leaned on his elbows and watched me. I tried to ignore him for as long as I could but failed and finally gave in while I was grabbing a piece of turkey. Meeting his piercing grey eyes, it was another reminder of how similar he and his brother looked. A reminder I didn't want right now after the conversation I had just had with said brother.

As if on cue, Sirius walked into the room, looking downcast but hiding it well. He slumped over to his friends, James slapping him on the back as if knowing what he was feeling without asking. Unconsciously, I frowned. Suddenly, the food didn't seem so appealing anymore. Regulus had followed my gaze, subtly so not as to attract attention, and turned back to me with a smirk.

"Speaking of liking things…" He murmured. With cautious looks down our house table, he slammed his hand slightly on the wood. With the action, he immediately brought my attention back to him. Purposely, I soon realized. "You might want to be a little more subtle about it, though. Don't want the wrong people to catch you staring."

A blush crept over my face as I turned back to my plate and stabbed a carrot. "I have no idea what you're talking about… Did you hit your head or something?"

He merely smirked at me haughtily. "I knew you fancied someone in this school," he leaned forward and lowered his voice. "I just can't believe it's my brother. Not sure if I can be friends with you after this shocking revelation."

"I can't believe you're stupid enough to think that," I tried to deny it confidently but my nervous voice gave me away easily. It didn't help that the blush continued to devour my head and neck.

He leaned back pompously, slouching in his seat as he just looked at me in that all-knowing way that he did. With a scowl, I turned my head, averting my eyes to anything else. Quickly, I wished I hadn't.

My eyes locked first with my brother. His features were flip-flopping between disappointment and anger. I flinched at the latter, images of my father in the Hog's Head flashing in my mind. It was a perfect example of why we hadn't fully reconciled yet. But he must have seen something in my face because then his own softened. He appeared almost… Sad? That might be the way I would describe it. He glanced at Sirius, downtrodden at the Gryffindor table, and then back to me. As if to say 'there's nothing we can do,' he shrugged and went back to his dinner.

But the gaze that worried me the most was that of my oh so loving fiancée. He hadn't missed my gaze towards the boy he would call a bloodtraitor. I just hoped my face hadn't given too much away. It was normal for someone like Regulus to read it easily but I had little belief that Lucius was that intelligent. Though, he had surprised me before. Unlike my brother, the rage in his face didn't die down when we locked eyes. It was like my body temperature decreased by half at the sight of it. Like he was punishing me somehow even from all the way down the table. I shivered as I finally pulled my eyes away.

Maybe the bags of soil in the greenhouse would be my bed tonight.

"You okay?" Regulus asked, not missing where my eyes had drifted.

"Just brilliant," I sighed, leaning my head in my hand. The sarcasm dripped with every syllable. "Really, really great."

He sighed sadly, not really sure how to respond. It was sickly funny, the two of us being so close. Both of us walked on eggshells every day as we navigated our fucked up reality. Maybe that's what had unconsciously brought us together. Despite it all, we had an understanding that we had someone else, someone that got it, to metaphorically lean on. Moving forward, I decided there should be no secrets between us anymore. After seeing the looks from both someone I was supposed to marry and even my own brother, being completely honest and open with him would be the only way I would survive.

"I met him," I said quietly, my hands ripping apart a roll that I had brought to my plate for that reason only.

"My brother?" I felt his stare on me but I didn't look up. "Uh, yeah. I know—"

"No." I shot him a stern look. "Him."

"Oh, shit." He dropped his fork abruptly. He leaned in even more and I gave a small smile at how scandalous it must have looked. "What? When?"

"The morning after the trial…" I frowned, thinking of his reptilian scales that travelled up his neck and framed his face. Even without him here, it made my breath hitch in my throat and a whisper of cold air brushed across my cheeks. I had to close my eyes and take a few deep breaths to calm myself. "He just," I continued on, eyes still closed. "Appeared out of nowhere. I don't even know what he was doing at the Malfoys."

"I mean," he shrugged in defeat, "he was probably just there to talk business…" He had picked up his fork once more, pushing around the remnants of his meal. It would seem that neither of us had an appetite anymore. Abruptly, he stopped, looking me right in the eye. "He's terrible, isn't he?"

"Absolutely chilling," I shivered, the cool air tickling my face once more. "I mean his skin—if you can call it that—and the eyes—" I paused, coming to a realization. "Wait," my eyebrows scrunched in confusion. "You've met him?"

He frowned immensely, his facade the most downtrodden I had ever seen. While his eyes remained on mine, he wasn't looking at me. He was looking at those same eyes that kept haunting me, even now. "Yeah," was his simple reply.

"Was it about… you know?" I said quietly.

"Yeah."

"I thought Lucius and Byron told you about it?"

"He's apparently…" He sighed in resignation, finally coming back into focus. "Not happy with my lack of action."

"What did he ask you to do, Regulus?" I asked seriously. It was something we never talked about. Something that I would never dream about asking him about. He'd been so upset about it the day I had found him in that abandoned classroom that I didn't have the heart to bring it up. But it seemed like the perfect opportunity.

I couldn't help him if I didn't know.

"I can't…" He mumbled, his features becoming so sad that I felt my eyes well for him. "Talking makes it real and I'm not ready to do that yet."

For once in the entire time I knew him, Regulus looked weak. So intensely and utterly broken to the point that I was scared for him. Clearly, whatever 'honor' the Dark Lord had bestowed upon him was something so catastrophic to his emotions that the mere thought of it completely wrecked him. A tear slipped down my cheek subconsciously and I was grateful that he had decided to focus on a piece of broccoli so I could wipe it away quickly. I had to change the subject—quickly—before his energy completely wiped him out, taking me along with him.

"How was he even able to get to you?" I made my voice even quieter, eyes darting around to make sure that absolutely no one was listening. "You've been at school ever since you found out. The only reason I was able to meet with him was because I was gone for the trial."

"We're not always at school…" He trailed off, eyes looking at me pointedly. "And he's powerful enough to bypass any protection spells and remain hidden that far away from the grounds."

"Dear Salazar," I couldn't help the loud gasp that escaped my mouth. However, I quickly recollected myself after I saw a couple of students down the way look at us. "Hogsmeade?"

He just nodded.

My body felt gross all of the sudden. How many times had he been there when we were trying to enjoy a fun trip down to the quaint village? It was disgusting but unsurprising that he would tarnish even that ray of joy we still had. Fully downtrodden now, I leaned my head on my hand.

"There's really nothing he won't do," I mumbled. He sighed in resentful agreement.

We had fallen into a dismal silence for just a few agonizing moments before movement at the back of the Hall caught our attention. Lily walked through the doors quickly, face flat and giving nothing away. She swiftly sat next to her friends, making sure not to look around at anyone in particular as she scooped some vegetables on her plate. A few long moments later, Snape trickled in behind her. It was one of those things where you probably wouldn't have noticed their obvious attempt to make it seem like they hadn't just been together unless you were watching.

Expectedly, Snape wandered over to our house table but unexpectedly, he plopped down across from me and next to Regulus. With a large sigh, he put his head in his hands, eyes obscured by his palms. Regulus had inched ever so slightly away at the sudden presence of him while I had also leaned back subconsciously. He sent me a face that screamed how confused he was, which I returned.

"Um," I finally said when Snape didn't lift his head. "Is there something you needed…?" He had never sat with me at dinner. He never even really talked to me before I had forced him to come with me today. With each passing moment, I became more uncomfortable with his choice to be in my presence.

He rubbed his eyes as he looked up. They were bloodshot—had he been crying? They weren't that red so maybe just exhausted? Either way, it was a little alarming to see. "You know," he drawled. He didn't touch any of the elaborate spread on the table. "I figured if I'm going to keep a secret that'll eventually kill me, I might as well hang out with the rest of the condemned."

Regulus and I rolled our eyes in unison. "You're not going to die," Regulus said in annoyance. "Just keep your mouth shut and everything'll be fine."

"Says you…" He turned his head and I followed his gaze as he glanced once more at Lily. His jaw tightened for just a moment before he turned back to us.

I glanced sympathetically in his direction but he just scoffed. "So, um," I occupied my fingers by picking at the piece of bread again. "How did your chat with Lily go? She seemed to come in here in a rush."

"Yeah, she's never been subtle," he smiled slightly as he looked off into the distance. No doubt thinking of some fond memory. He pulled himself out of it quickly. "It went well, actually…" He said truthfully. "I think… I think she actually did forgive me. Despite it seeming like just a ruse to keep me quiet at first."

Regulus looked between the two of us, bewildered. While I had told him about the plan, he hadn't been there and therefore didn't know the details of what had happened in that room not even an hour ago. Part of me wished he had been, if only to witness the standoff between his brother and Snape.

"It felt nice," he said and his continued honesty startled me quite a bit. "So, um," he hesitated, cheeks going red. "So thanks are in order, I presume… Despite what a hassle it was and how you misled me initially, I appreciate it."

I waved him off as an indication that it was no problem. Maybe I had underestimated how emotional Snape was. He seemed guided by what he felt in his heart more so than he did in his brain. It made me wonder if it could possibly be used in our favor… I shook my head violently, earning another strange look from Regulus. My side doesn't stand for fraternizing with someone like Lily. It was already stupid that I was hanging out with the Marauders. That I was having feelings for someone like Sirius.

I had to remember that. My side was not theirs.

"But don't get in a fuss about it," he continued with a sneer, assuming wrongly that my momentary silence was sincere thoughtfulness for him.

"Well," I cleared my throat. "What did you guys talk about?"

"Quite a bit actually…" He mused. "Mostly just catching up. About, you know, the current world standing and our roles in it."

I gaped. Who would have thought Lily would even mention something like that. Maybe Sirius and I should have stayed… I guess Snape had meant that much to Lily—and vice versa—that forgiveness had placed them right back where they were before the event that broke them apart. I glanced over at her at the Gryffindor table. She seemed unbothered but sent worried glances to the back of the boy in front of me's head. She would try to hang onto her conversation with her friends but her distraction was potent, even from this far. For a moment, I wondered if she had given away too much and was now regretting it.

"Oh, yeah?" I tried to act nonchalant about it all, quickly erasing the shocked look from my face. "Like what?"

"I think you know some answers to that," he shot me a look with narrowed eyes. "Appears you've been hanging out with them quite a bit… I thought it was just tonight given what happened in the Shrieking Shack. Who knew this entire time you were sneaking off with them." He sighed dramatically. "Fooled me, that's for sure… Like I mentioned earlier, wouldn't be very ideal if others found out."

We engaged in a silent stare-off. Despite my cool facade, my heart was racing at his casual threat. If that's indeed what it was. I couldn't be certain if he meant it or just wanted to appear tougher than he actually was.

"I don't think we should talk about this here," Regulus said quietly, cutting me off before I could respond.

His addition to our secluded section of the table hadn't gone unnoticed, that was clear. Now, not only did my brother and Lucius look but everyone around them as well. My darling fiancee looked pissed off once more but he was surrounded by a sea of confusion. With a glare from me, they all pretended to go back to eating but I had an idea of what they would be discussing over pudding. Turning my head, I was surprised to see that we'd also gained the interest of some nosey Gryffindors. However, I couldn't be caught watching Sirius again so I didn't even pause on his face.

"You know," I began with a sigh. The food in front of us disappeared momentarily, only to be immediately replaced by cakes, cookies, and candy of all kinds. I grabbed a scoop of chocolate ice cream. "If you actually don't want to die, you could have been a little more inconspicuous."

"What's the point?" He shrugged, folding back into his previous demeanor and stuffing half a cupcake in his mouth. I sagged in annoyance. His attitude change wasn't going to help our initiative to remain inconspicuous. "So," he said through a mouthful. "What other things should I know about?"

Regulus and I eyed one another. He was actually smirking, stifling back a laugh. If only Snape knew just what other sort of fuckery we were involved in. For a moment, I wondered if he would join us or if he would run and hide. My gut leaned on the latter. From the little I knew about him, he didn't seem like the type to face things head on… I had no clue how he'd managed to work his way to the top of the ranks.

"Trust me," I couldn't help the hollow chuckle that escaped my lips. "You don't want to know any more secrets."

"Journal?" Regulus asked.

"Check," I replied, throwing it in my rucksack.

"Various remedies?"

"Check."

"Willingness to die?" James butted in, face grim as he leaned against a nearby tree.

"If you're talking about just yourself," I said, continuing to stuff things in my bag, "double check. Since you're so caught up on it… I'll make sure that, if anyone dies, it'll be you, yeah? Just to meet your expectations."

He scowled at me, looking further into the trees.

We were currently on the edge of the Forbidden Forest, just beyond the last greenhouse. We weren't very far in but just enough where we would be hidden by the trees if someone were to pass by. It was just past curfew, the moon high in the sky but in between cycles so Remus felt at his best. It had been hell for us both to get out of Prefect duties tonight. I had to promise Morgaine Abbot that I would cover her next three shifts if she did me this favor. As I talked to her, the entire time I just imagined her off in a corner somewhere snogging Sirius… And I hated myself for it.

"How're you fitting so much in there?" Peter asked, genuinely curious as he stared at my bag. He was snacking quietly on a chocolate frog from his seated position on the forest floor.

"Undetectable extension charm," I smiled, proud of myself. For the past three days, I had been in the library at every chance I got in order to learn any spell I could that might help us. I'd stumbled upon the extension charm yesterday and was able to make it work just an hour ago.

"Brilliant," Remus said, impressed. I just shrugged but my cheeks blushed at the sudden attention.

"And what are these?" Sirius got up from his leaned position on the tree across from me. He strode over and grabbed my hand lightly, pulling back my jacket sleeve. I shivered but I don't think it was from the cold. He smirked at my reaction to his touch. "I have to say… It's a good look."

I shoved the smile away from my face but my blush gave me away. His smirk grew wider. All along my arm were scattered runes that I had marked on myself in washable ink. I got the idea from River, assuming we would need them at some point tonight. Runes had been such an integral part of this process and I wouldn't doubt that Salazar would surprise us with them somehow. They covered both arms and even parts of my calves. It might have been overkill but I'd rather be safe than sorry.

"It's a guide, sort of," I said, a little flustered. "It's all the ones I can remember… Kind of. We'll find out."

"Great," James uttered under his breath.

"I think it's a great idea," Sirius said, shooting a look towards his friend that simply said 'don't.'

His friend sulked further into the forest, Remus and Peter sending apologetic looks in my direction as they trudged after him. Sirius remained standing in front of me, putting his hands in the pockets of his denim jackets. He was staring intently at me as if to express his desire to talk but knowing he couldn't say anything with Regulus still standing by. We waited in awkward silence for a few moments as his brother raised his eyebrows with a smirk, knowing he was holding up Sirius from talking with me alone.

"Regulus," I finally said lightly, the word conveying the question I was too embarrassed to ask. No way was I going to actually request that he leave me be to talk to his brother in private.

"Ugh, fine," he groaned playfully, stuffing his own hands in his pockets. "I'll go fraternize or whatever. But don't expect me to make any friends!"

"Wouldn't dream of it," I smiled gratefully.

With a wink, he turned and strode away to a spot in the trees just beyond our vision. I rolled my eyes as I watched him go. I feel like, in some parallel dimension, he might have actually become friends with the Marauders. Sirius watched him go, a visible frown tugging on his face. He finally swiveled back to me with an almost downtrodden expression.

"You can't keep cornering me like this," I cut him off as he opened his mouth to speak. "It's not fair. To either of us."

He stepped slightly back, this conversation clearly already off to a bad start for him. After a heavy pause, he looked back towards the trees before rounding on me once more.

He said with sincere sadness, any levity in the air having accompanied Regulus. "I never thought I would be jealous of my brother over a girl."

"What?" I said incredulously, eyes wide. No way could he really think… "Are you mental—"

"No, no," he almost chuckled. "Not like that. I know you guys aren't a… thing."

"Then what are you talking about?" Now a little annoyed. It really wasn't the moment to go over something like this. "We really should table this for another time—"

"No, please," he held up a hand to stop me. "Sorry, I just need to get this out of the way while I have your attention. And the balls to do it."

I stared him up and down, suspicious of what he might want. Agreeing that it might be best to move past this quickly, I replied with a curt nod. "Hurry it up."

"He gets to know so much about you—to be your friend—while here I am, practically falling for you, and barely scratching the surface." He breezed right through the sentiment despite the unbelievable blush crossing his face. I tried to keep a straight face despite the emotional war that had reignited in my head. "So." He took a calculated breath. "That's all I'm asking. I don't want to force you into being with me… Would never dream of it. But I do want to be your friend because... Well—" He paused, the blush somehow elevating in intensity.

"Well what, Sirius?" I sighed, meeting his painstaking eyes with my own. It was getting harder and harder to keep my own resolve. I pulled my jacket closer around me as the wind picked up, prickling me almost as bad as this conversation.

"Because I don't think I can go on without some part of you in my life," he resigned, voice completely heartbroken. "It's stupid, I know. But I'm willing to put myself through the torture of not being able to be with you, so long as it means you'll stay around. Keep talking to me. Because I meant what I said before." Another hand through his gloriously luxurious hair. "I would like to be there for you. I need to be there for you. Even if that's just as friends." He ended with a small smile.

I turned away from him, worried that tears would fall if I continued to look into his eyes. This was probably the worst timing to think about all this. We were about to walk headfirst into some unknown danger and who knows if we'd even make it out alive...I shuddered at the thought.

And then after that, what? Like I had considered so many times before, we were playing a dangerous game. We were already attracting the attention of others with our antics, so it was only a matter of time before the wrong kind of people caught on. And romantics aside, continuing as friends was perilous. But… My heart agreed. Just as much as he wanted to be there for me, I wanted to be there for him. No doubt that he was absolutely important to me. Because he was part of the few that knew what it was like to be me. Our shared bond in that regard couldn't be overlooked.

But he was free and I was not.

So, as I sized up his slack form, his chin practically hitting his chest as it slumped, I realized I couldn't put him through this any longer. Couldn't put myself through this. And so, as the emotions raged in my head, I found them boiling over into something else. Something I thought I would never feel towards the brave and utterly stupid boy in front of me.

"No," I said with subdued anger. His head snapped up, mouth slightly agape with a little shock. I steeled my features as I stared at him. "I'm not going to be your friend, Sirius."

"W-what?" He managed to stutter out. "But—"

"No matter where this path leads us," I cut him off sharply, my voice rising, "it ends with us heartbroken. Or worse, dead. I'm not going to risk my life any more than I already am." A traitorous sigh escaped my lips. "I said it before. It's just not going to work out. And so I think it best we cut whatever strings tie us together after this."

He was clearly speechless and it made me realize just how confident he had been about all this. I couldn't tell if that made me more upset or annoyed. Were his emotions really blinding him that much from reality that he had only seen a positive outcome? Or was he really just cocky enough to assume that any girl he fancied—even me—would succumb to his every will? Either option only increased my frustration.

"I'll still help Remus, of course," I said sadly as the realization sunk in across his features about my dismissal. "Because I do consider him a friend… One without any complicated emotions."

He just nodded, numb to it all. It had been the former then. His emotions really didn't allow him to see how that request of his just was so unrealistic. My minimal anger melted into heartbreak.

"You know," I said quietly, "I'll understand if you don't want to help us anymore… I mean James already doesn't want to be here anyway."

He shook his head immediately. "No," he mimicked me, confidence somehow returning. "Let me do this one last thing for you." He paused, a deep sadness filling his eyes again. "And then I'll leave you be."

We were only allowed a moment of silence to absorb everything before we heard a rustling as the other boys returned to the clearing. It was almost as if they had known we were done. I only hope it wasn't because they were listening. I didn't know how much more emotional damage I could take right now.

"Well!" Regulus said, heaving my rucksack over his shoulder. He tried to ask me a question with his eyes but I ignored him. "Should we head out? We need to get moving if we want any chance of getting back before morning."

"If we must," James said with a snort as he returned to the clearing. Something within me broke at his tone. I wasn't sure if it was because I was at my emotional cliff—now toppling over it—or because I wanted to offer Sirius one last opportunity to leave.

"You know..." I stormed over, planting myself in front of him. He looked unamused and unaffected. "If you're going to be a prick about all this, you don't have to go," I seethed. He raised his eyebrows. "This is serious, whether you think so or not. I appreciate your help but I'm not going to standby if you're going to half-ass this. So get it together or get lost. I am not in the fucking mood."

Without waiting for his reaction, I began to go further in the forest. Regulus caught up quickly but I didn't hear footsteps behind us. Only when we reached a clearing that was abysmally dark around us did I finally stop and turn around. Remus and Peter had made their way slowly but Sirius had stuck behind with James. They raised their heads from the hushed conversation they had been having as we all focused on them. I glared at the bespectacled boy.

"Well?" I said angrily.

Sirius shot him a pointed look and James finally sighed. Without a word he moved closer to us, falling in line with Remus and Peter. Regulus and I waited for them to catch up until we were in a loose circle. We were dead silent, very much unlike the forest that surrounded us. While appearing docile from the outside looking in, it was very much alive with the sounds of all the creatures and magic that lived here. There wasn't a second of silence as twigs snapped, bugs chirped, and other beasts called out.

The turmoil of my emotions and the gravity of what we were about to do finally collided. Harsh and unnerving. Finally, after ignoring it for as long as I could, fear bathed over me like a giant and unforgiving wave. But there was no turning back now.

With shaky hands, I lit my lantern with bluebell flames and watched as the boys did the same. Then, taking a deep breath, I turned and led us into the darkness of the foreboding trees in front of us.