Chapter 8

Now That There's Nothing In The Way

Now that there's nothing in the way

Why do we still keep

Keep our distance?

Don't you ever find it strange

or is it only me?

The matter of our silence?

Do you notice how we still

Skirt around the past?

And how we tread so gently?

Do you notice how we don't

Ever touch upon the possibility?

Once we lived in different towns,

Once you wanted to be free,

Still we stole ourselves a summer.

Do you not see me that way now?

Or is it that maybe

You think I'm still tied to another?

Do I read too much into

Things you do and say?

That would be just like me.

Am I the only one who thinks

Our guards are always raised

In each other's company?

I've never said a word through fear

Of seeing just surprise

Written in your eyes.

I've never wanted to appear

Foolish as I find

It's never crossed your mind.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was raining outside. It was always raining outside. She could hear the drops pitter-patter on the tin roof top of the apartment. She looked out the window to the dark, cloudy sky and closed her eyes. She let her hand touch the glass, it was moist from condensation. Her index finger lingered over the window, writing her name, Haley Scott.

Haley opened her eyes just in time for the tears to begin to fall. She sat on the edge of her bed and started to wipe her tears away. The tears started to pour and Haley lowered her head into her hands. She couldn't stop.

A kitchen knife lay on her bed side table. She looked up and stared at it. Haley got off the bed and walked toward the knife. She picked it up and ran her left thumb over the blade, watching the blood slowly rise from beneath her skin.

There was a knock at the door. Haley licked her finger and quickly whipped her head around. She wiped her face with her right hand, "Yeah?" She said choking back the on coming tears.

Peyton stood in the doorway, nervously rubbing her elbow with her left hand. She stared at Haley's hand and the bloody knife on the table. Peyton swallowed hard. "Haley, come on." She walked toward Haley, "It's…" She walked closer and Haley started to get nervous, "It's not worth it Haley."

Haley looked at Peyton and collapsed on to the bed, "Peyton, I just can't do this anymore. I don't even know why I am doing this anymore. It's just, I love him so much, ya know?" Haley sat up and shook her head, "And now I am to the point where I am just thinking, what's the point of it anymore? Where is all this going? Are we going to be together or aren't we? Does he still love me or doesn't he?"

"I don't think it is a matter of whether or not he loves you anymore Hales, I think that much is obvious. Of course he loves you, how could he not? I think it's a matter of…" Peyton sat on the bed next to Haley and put her arm around her shoulders, "he's just as scared as you are, if not more."

A half hearted smile crept across Haley's face. She looked out the window and closed her eyes. She looked back to Peyton, "I just get so scared now." She stood up and walked around the room, "I am just so scared." Haley ran her hands over her wedding dress in her closet. She turned around to Peyton, "And I don't know what to do to keep from feeling this way." She paused for just a moment. "I am scared that he is going to leave or that he is going to fall in love with someone else…" She took a deep breath, "Or maybe I'm just scared of him falling out of love with me."

"Ya know Haley, I don't have a ton of experience with guys but, I do have experience with Nathan and trust me, he has never looked at anyone any day of his life the way he looks at you every single day." Peyton stood up and walked toward the door. She looked out the window next to the front door, watching Brooke pull up in her Volkswagen Bug. "If you need to talk… you know where to find Nathan…"

Haley nodded and held her thumb tight. She choked a little, "Thanks."

The door opened and Brooke walked in. "I was just on my way out." Peyton said as she smiled at Brooke.

"P Sawyer, where are you running off to?" Brooke said as she layed a bag of groceries on the island in the kitchen.

"Oh you know, off to listen to some stoner music or draw a depressing picture or maybe find my birth mom. You never really know where the day will lead me." She smiled, "Bye friends."

"Bye Goldilocks." Brooke said as she pulled a gallon of milk, cereal, and fruit out of the paper bag. "Look who decided to leave her room."

Haley shook her head and walked back into her room. She grabbed her cell phone, which sat right next to the knife. 'Either one could kill me,' She thought to herself. She scanned through her phone. It was funny; Lucas Scott was right above Nathan Scott in her phonebook. She skipped the first and dialed the latter.

"Hello?" His voice was raspy, like he had been asleep.

"Nathan?" Haley said, still fighting tears.

"Hey… Haley." Nathan sat up in his bed and stared at himself in the mirror across from his bed.

"Hi." She couldn't think of anything to say. Her mind was on overload; she had all these things she wanted and needed to tell him, but nothing would come out.

"I'm surprised to hear from you."

"I'm surprised I called."

"Yeah."

Silence. It was almost as if there was nothing to be said.

"Meet me somewhere." Haley said, the words just falling out of her mouth.

"What?" Nathan asked, confused.

"I need to talk to you…"

"We are talking." He interrupted.

"No," She said as she grabbed her car keys, "I mean in person." She looked in the mirror and ran her fingers through her hair. "I need to talk to you in person."

Nathan rolled off of his bed and grabbed a pair of khaki shorts, pulling them over his blue boxer shorts. He ran his hands over his tee shirt, "Okay. Downtown courtyard?"

"Yeah. See you there." Haley closed her phone and straightened her clothes over bros concert tee.

Brooke walked into Haley's room and stood in the doorway, "Where are you off to?"

"I'm meeting Nathan." She said as she quickly pulled her light brown hair into a loose ponytail.

Haley walked out of her room and passed Brooke. Brooke watched her as she grabbed her purse and opened the door.

Brooke called after her, "Haley."

Haley slowly turned around, her ponytail whipping around, "Yeah?"

"Go get your husband back. He's waiting." Brooke winked at her and smiled.

Haley nodded, "Trust me, I'm gonna try."

"That's my tutorwife."

"I love you Brooke," She put her hand on the doorknob, "I really do."

Brooke smiled, a tear almost falling out of her right eye. "I know, I love you tutorgirl."

They both smiled.

"Go!" Brooke shooed her out the door, "Go get 'em!"

Haley quickly closed the door and ran to her car. Brooke watched her carefully. Her smile immediately turned to tears.

Brooke's back slid down the side of the island. She sat on the floor and leaned her head back against the wooden counter. Her tears poured from her eyes. She pulled the waist band of her army green pants down and stared at the heart tattoo she had gotten several weeks before, an outline of a heart with a script L in the middle. A tear fell onto the tattoo and almost at the same time the front door opened. Brooke slowly pulled herself up.

It was Lucas.

She quickly wiped her face and said, "Hey. What are you doing here?"

"Why did you do it Brooke?"

"Do what?"

"You know what you did." He said his voice much harsher than before.

"No, I don't so why don't you tell me what is going on."

"You slept with my brother. You figured since you couldn't have me right now you would just go for a consolation prize? Is that it? You were that desperate…"

"I was not desperate Lucas…"

"Oh yeah then what were you? Horny? Lonely? What?"

"I was missing you."

"That is no excuse Brooke!"

"I know its not, okay? I know its not." Brooke walked toward him, "I don't know what to do anymore Lucas. Where is this going? What is the point anymore!"

"I guess there is none."

"God! You say that and I just don't want to believe you because I know deep down that I couldn't and wouldn't feel like this unless you and I were meant to be together."

"Brooke, I don't know what else I can say."

She rubbed her eyes and put her arms over her chest."Leave." Brooke said. She almost had no voice now. "Just leave."

Lucas didn't move.

"Lucas! I said leave!" He walked toward the door, walked out, and slammed it behind him.

And just like the rain, Brooke's tears started to fall for the fifth consecutive day that week.