It wasn't very often that Remus Lupin allowed himself to feel bitter about things, especially the past. Of course things upset him but he tried very hard not to linger on these things but to focus on what needed to be done. He tried to stay concentrated on each day, staying alive, breathing, not mulling over things that were over and gone. Remus had his work with the order to focus on and the ever growing dangerous position of working with the wild werewolves and Fenrir Greyback.

However, there are times, few in number, when Remus slumps. He can feel the weight of his life as though it was solid and it's almost as if he can no longer stand up. His head starts to scream thing which he never says, 'it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair.'

"I know it's not fair Remus…"

His mother was in the kitchen crying. She'd been crying for six hours without stop.

"But this is something you can live with."

She hadn't even touched him since it happened. She only looked at him once.

"There are plenty of other people out in the world who have…" his father pauses here as if the next word is particularly difficult to get past his vocal chords. "lycanthropy."

Remus clasped his hands together and looked toward the entrance to the kitchen. A dish was broken on the floor but he could not see his mother sobbing.

"I know you must be upset and worried Remus. I know it's not fair but you're a strong boy."

His father was speaking to him with an expression that said he only half believed what he was saying. Remus looked down into his lap.

"It won't be so bad."

'Sure.' Remus thought, blocking out the sounds of his mother.

His father hadn't touched him either and as far as he could recall neither of them ever did again except when they made sure he was locked up for the full moon. Of course they said the things every parent did; it would be alright, you can do it, don't worry, it's not your fault. But what did they really think? Weren't they afraid of him now? Didn't they wish he would just be gone?

"Your mother will be fine."

Remus looked away from his father's sympathetic but completely ignorant gaze.

What would his life really be now? He can't help but think, 'Why didn't you do something, dad? Why weren't you there?'

"Dead?"

She nodded gravely still staring at the ground.

"What do you mean? Dead? That doesn't… What about…"

"The house was destroyed. You-know-who killed them both. Only little Harry survived, we… we don't know how."

Remus stared harder at her as if trying to bore his eyes right through her and on the other side would be James and Lily very much alive. She didn't say any more to him, only sighed.

"Oh," He managed to choke out.

The men behind Professor McGonagall coughed as if to hurry her on. Her face pinched in anger for a moment then she sighed and spoke again.

"And… it seems that Mr. Black betrayed the Potter's to you-know-who. He has already killed Mr. Pettigrew and several muggles who got in the way when little Peter went to confront him about it."

She looked up at him now, her eyes wet.

Remus would have fallen over if he didn't suddenly find himself made of steel stuck to the spot. His chest constricted so tightly he had having trouble breathing. His eyes slipped in and out of focus and he felt sweat breaking out on his temples.

"I'm sorry Remus," she used his first name… "I know it's not fair."

"That's enough," One of the men behind her said. "We need to bring the werewolf in for questioning."

The other man came forward and tightly grasped his arm. Remus stared at her, unable to move his eyes. She opened her mouth as if to speak but just closed it, dipped her head and walked away. Remus stared at the spot of air where she had been, his jaw clenched so hard he wonders if he would break his own teeth.

"Alright, come on then, we have some questions for you."

They pulled him away and he can only think, 'Sirius, why? Why? Why? Why?'

Remus didn't protest as they dragged him off.

'It's not fair…'

"It's not fair." Harry had mumbled as he left.

Picking up his only tie without patches Remus folded it nicely and placed it in his suit case. Harry had just left his office and he was nearly done packing. A few more books were on the shelf. One belonged to Professor Snape but Remus was in no mood to see that man's gloating face. Of course he was use to loosing his job quite often. However, he'd gotten so content to being there at Hogwarts again. Dumbledore wouldn't fire him, he knew, but he wasn't going to put the man through that.

"Lupin," came from a voice behind him.

Apparently Remus didn't need to go return the book to see the gloat. He turned around, his vampire book still in hand.

"Professor Snape." At least Remus could act civil.

"Tsk tsk tsk."

Remus refrained from rolling his eyes. Severus really hadn't grown up very much since they had been students, at least not in some ways.

"So troubling that you're going to be leaving us." He sneered.

"I'm sure it is to you."

"I'm afraid it's only fair."

Remus raised an eyebrow. "How is that?"

"Well, after all we can't have someone of your kind around children, especially not after these past night's events."

Remus pursed his lips. "I suppose not."

Snape smiled with self satisfaction. "It's only fair that the students know who is teaching them. Who knows if they would approve of creatures such as yourself in their midst?"

Turning on his heel Remus walked to the book shelf, took down Snape's book and handed it to him.

"I believe this is yours. Thank you for allowing me to use it. Now if you will excuse me I need to finish packing."

Snape silently took the book and with one last gloating smile left Remus's doorway.

"Come on, you can do better than that!"

Sirius was yelling at his cousin while Remus was trying to hold off two Death Eaters. The whole place was a blur, robes blowing everywhere, flashes of wands and screams. Then he heard Bellatrix screaming in triumph. He turned around in time to see Sirius' head touch the fabric of the veil and his body fall through. Remus' entire body screamed.

'No, he just came back! It's not fair! No!'

He almost forgot they were in a battle. His only real friend left in the world just disappeared. Remus wanted to crumple to the floor and disappear just as Sirius had done. He wanted to give up. Then he saw Harry running and instinct kicked in. Harry was yelling and running but Remus caught him.

"There's nothing you can do, Harry-"

All Remus could do was hold on tightly to Harry as he flailed about.

"Get him, save him, he's only just gone through!"

"It's too late, Harry-"

He kept speaking but Remus didn't know what he was saying. Sirius had come back and he was gone again. There had been hope in his life, hope of something again. Now it was gone.

"We can still reach him-" Harry yelled, clawing at Remus' arm.

"There's nothing you can do, Harry… nothing… He's gone."

Nothing, nothing, nothing. Nothing he could do, nothing Remus could do and it wasn't fair.

Life goes on and Remus tries not to think to hard on the past. Why should he feel sorry for himself anyhow? There were plenty of people out there who had it worse. It's not like Remus was in Azkaban or had been kissed by a dementor. He was alive and working. He had things to do. He worked for the Order and he didn't think too hard about himself.

Life wasn't fair and Remus knew that. He was alone when it came to a lot of things, friends gone and lost. Still, he couldn't dwell on what was gone but what he had left.