Authors note: I don't own any of it.
The Lost Generation
They'd all known that with the end of the war, there would be a drive to encourage "racial harmony" and "Weasley families", there'd been a drive after the first death of Voldemort, resulting in the largest baby boom in recorded history.
It became clear after the demise of Voldemort the second time that there were serious age discrepancies, while there were a large proportion of adults over the age of seventy, and a large proportion of adults under the age of thirty, several generations in between had all but been wiped out. Of the Marauders generation, the few who were alive could be counted on two hands, and four of them in long term care at St Mungos. Of Bill Weasley's generation, not many more had successfully come out of both conflicts unscathed.
No-one was there to eagerly arrange reunions for what were fast becoming known as the lost generation, no conversations of "Do you remember so and so, she went on and married thingy, you know the whatsit from down in the village" no "Ever heard what happened to …?".
It shouldn't have been a shock to anyone with a long term view of the war, the children were to young to be sent into conflict, to young to be a threat to either side, the old too old to be a worry, instead it was the adults in the prime of their lives that were on the front line, who acted as spies, as message bearers, battlefield medics.
Those on the losing side who had managed to keep alive were executed after veritaserum testimonies. The lost generation became embittered, made to fight in wars not of their own making, a political war between what had initially been two different view points; those who wanted the muggleborns to be taught a year behind so that they would have a year of wizarding introduction before being integrated with the wizard born, and those who had misunderstood the meaning. Championed by two enemies, icons for what became good and evil. Twisted and snarled until it no longer became anything but a battle to the death, neither side remembering the beginning of the argument.
They were tired of being pushed from pillar to post, tired of seedy missions, tired of being forced to hunt down brothers, friends, lovers. Old enough to know the facts, and too young to forget them. They watched as history was rewritten, watching as the past was changed, manipulated to fit this new fact.
It wasn't so much of a law, more a strong urging from the government to get married and reproduce. Organised dances for single wizards and witches, with Ministry officials who'd visit those who hadn't attended, not ordering them to, merely gently encouraging them to attend. Free official Ministry weddings were offered, with free healthcare to all those with families, almost everything came with a discount if you could prove you were going along with the new Ministry guideline.
For those who had problems "reproducing" there were potions offered, treatments, and if they all still failed, the orphanages always had a couple of children to spare. There were many though that required orphanages, the children who had been created during the peaceful years, old enough to be parents themselves, and with the second war no one had wanted to raise a child.
The matches varied between groups, those who'd rushed ahead and married childhood friends, those who'd been scared into reacting immediately fearing the worst would happen if they didn't and married the first person they could. But then there were the ones who played the political game, those who thought about what could be gained from a match.
Draco Malfoy and Ginny Weasley were one such match, he gained the hand of the Minister's daughter, and all the benefits that came with it, plus the guarantee of a Weasley size brood, and she gained the political and business savvy of the Malfoy's, as well as the money.
The Lost Generation held back, unwilling to be paired off with children, too few females among them to all be paired off within their age groups. There were the male pregnancies, but these scarred men and women wanted nothing to do with any of it.
The first and last of those to fall victim to the ministry was Severus Snape.
Hermione Granger had sat down and worked out the best match for herself, and drew several names. For a love match it would be Ron, but for a political marriage, for a marriage where she would achieve her full potential, where she could exploit the most, it would be Severus Snape.
He was no longer tied down by the war, he had patented several important advances in the wizarding world, with Veritaserum, Wolfsbane, Skelegrow, being the most famous, his thesis' and teaching texts on both the Dark Arts and Potions, he was fast becoming the thinking wizards celebrity. His research lab had the greatest of the potions students vying for his attention, and he'd been headhunted to be the Headmaster at Hogwarts.
Only the best taught at Hogwarts, and the best were the Lost Generation. Severus Snape, Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, Tonks, Bill Weasley, Charlie Weasley, all taught there. They taught together, ate together, went out together, a close knit group.
She began to join Harry when visiting his godfather, crying off joining them for tea each time, and going to the library where she would invariably meet the surly potions master. The first few meets she'd keep herself to herself, merely observing what he researched, and began to keep abreast of his current articles or public meetings.
"Professor I couldn't help but notice that you've been researching growing new limbs and organs. Fascinating stuff, it seemed like once they managed the magical eye, they gave up working on such things, not that the magical eye is the regrowth of the eye. Do you really believe that by using Muggle technology and mixing it with magic you can give someone the use of their legs, or the heart?"
"Miss Granger, there was a war, you may find that to be the reason why the research stopped." Well she couldn't expect miracles just yet, the man was near impossible to talk to at the best of times, never mind when he no longer had any obligation to.
"Of course I didn't mean to say that they should have neglected the war to further advances in medicine-"
"Naturally Miss Granger, I find myself however neither knowing nor caring why you brought this subject up, good day" She let him go without further comment, already considering new ways to tackle the problem of ensnaring the great git himself.
She spent several further visits in retreat, saying no more than the normal social greetings, from which she received the adequate responses. She was getting nowhere fast, the other teachers had treated any conversation about Snape with suspicion, closing ranks quickly and shutting out any topic that they felt inappropriate, which so far covered everything from his work to how he was feeling.
It wasn't until a Sunday lunch with the Weasleys where she got chatting to the Twins about there new branch of Weasleys Wizardly Wheezes, that she found a new in.
"So you're telling me that Snape's a silent partner in WWW? But he's banned all of your products from Hogwarts?" She couldn't keep the note of disbelief from her voice, it just didn't make sense.
"Harry loaned us the money as you know, but Prof Snape is the one who proof reads all our designs, and tests out the potions and charms to make sure we don't actually harm anyone, and tweaks them." He'd also taught them that owners of a successful business acted like adults, and didn't finish off others sentences. Instead they played to their strengths, Fred who had a smoother voice was the expert for talking to fellow adults, while George had a better rapport with conversing with children.
"Professor, I had a curious conversation with Gred and Forge-"
"Miss Granger, please if you will talk about my partners please call them by their actual names, you are not their niece but a contemporary, act like it."
"Sorry, please forgive me, Fred and George, I was wondering if you could clear up an issue of confusion, why have you banned their items from Hogwarts?"
"Miss Granger, you will find Mr's Weasley are fully aware of the reasons. Not only would it be bad form for me to ban other "prank" items from Zonkos and not from WWW, but also prebought pranks help to constrict the mind." He let her digest, watching as she mulled it over, trying to work out what exactly he meant. He'd give her that much, she did know enough about him that he meant much more than he'd said.
She left shortly after, unwilling to say the wrong thing, and needing to think about the situation before returning to the topic.
"Fred and George are brilliant inventors."
"They are, Miss Granger." She walked out again.
She found him once more in the library, this time with several hefty tomes in front of him, and a biro in his mouth while his fingers flicked over words. For the first time he glanced up at her with what looked almost like anticipation. Though she secretly suspected it was to see how asinine she'd be today.
"Morning Professor, did you hear that Neville got gold at Chelsea?"
"Yes Miss Granger, we had an owl come to the school, with a request to use the school greenhouses. Was there any reason for bringing it up, or was it simply a way of making puerile conversation?"
"Well, you must be proud of us, Neville winning gold, Harry being a seeker for England, Fred and George, all proud achievements for you."
"Miss Granger, I'm sure you are trying to impress me, though Merlin only knows why, but really do you believe highlighting the appalling lack of achievement from your generation will make me fall into raptures? I would advise that you either drop this farce immediately, which would be the option I personally would prefer, or return when you have a better inkling of this particular debate. Now shoo, I have precious thoughts to think, and your being here is not inductive to productivity."
The next time she returned she just sat staring, then after getting no response, stood and walked away, shaking her head slightly in disbelief.
"Harry, you know your parents, I mean you don't because they died tragically, well you know what I mean."
"'Mione, as much as I love to sit and talk to you about my past, I am actually preparing a class for DADA for the first years, where I have to balance information, entertainment and not scaring them half to death. It's part of a trial, and if that's successful, then I'll be taking over first years DADA, and it'll leave Remus time with Sirius to work on the reception classes." She couldn't help but grin at the pride in his voice, Remus and the others were his heroes, she'd known him to quote back compliments from his godparents months later.
"They finally got permission for the Reception classes then? So does this mean they'll be teaching Wizarding customs as well, or will that not be introduced into the syllabus?"
"Well Severus" She could see him itching to bounce in his seat as he said Snape's name, "He calls me Harry now too, well I invited him too, because well, Remus said until I did he'd keep calling me Potter, said he was like a cat, you have to invite him in. I can see it, cats are really proud and regal,"
"You sound like you have a crush on him"
"'Mione! Of course I don't, and anyway I mean he's well straight anyway. Added to the fact that he's the Headmaster, and I'm not gay. Anyway, as I was saying Severus, has employed Lady Jersey, a veritable paragon of Wizarding Culture, to teach deportment and social skills to the students.
"She's a right dragon, you should see her when we eat, I think the only one who didn't get their hands slapped was Severus, and now we wait until he sits before we sit, and we wait until he starts to eat before we do. Every time you try to rest your elbows on the table they slip off, and if you commit the heinous crime of speaking with food in your mouth, or even worse, chewing with your mouth open, not only do you get the death glare, which wilts the flowers at fifty paces, but you get a ten minute lecture on how we are to set an example to the students. And that's just during meal times.
"You should see Sirius, you know he slouches a lot, well after a week with the backboard, he's almost as ramrod straight as Severus. I think we've all gained another couple of inches. I've even learnt how to glide across the dance floor.
"I tell you what though, she's done marvels for Tonk's self esteem, to be honest she's worked marvels on most of us, she hasn't managed to get rid of the ear ring, but she has made Bill get his hair cut professionally, instead of hacking at it himself, and he looks even better than before. You know that pirate thing he had going for him, well now it's more of a dashing rake, complete with eye patch. I think Mrs Weasley has renewed hopes in getting him wed with sprogs. Doubt it though…"
She could see it, Harry was sitting proudly in his seat, his shoulders were back, and he met her eyes without them wandering away. "So the Wizarding culture is now part of the curriculum?"
"Mhmm, and not only that, but they are trying to encourage creativity. Did you know that my dad created seven hexes, and helped create several spells? I mean they were all vicious and used against the Headmaster, but still. I mean they managed to create a map that lets you know where people are, and they were students.
"Sirius managed to escape Azkaban on his own, he was the first to do so flying solo. Severus has created so much, but when he was at school he created that evil cutting curse, you know the one that they used on Nagini. You look back, and all though there was the petty fighting and lack of support and structure in the school, the amount of new things, spells, hexes, potions that were created, compared to the forty years before. And all because they wanted to achieve an effect and worked until they managed it.
"It's like Fred and George, they get an idea, and work on it until it's right. But other than them, and you have to admit they were laughed at during our time at Hogwarts, who else has worked to create something new? We just take the old and reuse it. At least Neville's creating hybrids, but then that's what gardeners do, they create hybrids." His eyes were shining, and the words came gabbling out, as if they all needed to be said now. "My mum, she was amazing at crafting protection spells, I mean she used an old blood spell to save my life, but you should see Godrics Hollow, it's amazing, my nursery is still dust free, in fact the house is in tact, like you could walk back in any day and it'd be liveable."
"And it wasn't just them you know, everyone was so competitive, if anyone did anything, someone else would strive to do something better, achieve something more, it was a constant one-upmanship. Lucius Malfoy could break into any locked dorm, apparently Narcissa Black was kept under all sorts of chastity spells, according to Sirius anyway, and she still managed to get pregnant before they were married.
"Oh, and Bellatrix was supposedly a dab hand at breaking and entering the Headmasters rooms, I mean Dumbledore's not Severus', and could do it without getting caught, except for she never managed to change her school records without it being noted. But she used to try, she held the record for the most amount of detentions through trying to wipe out her detentions. She's even got her name on a plaque in the Trophy Room.
"Tonk's got first prize for self transfiguration seven years in a row, before she let on that she was a metamorphagus, and then the prize was taken from her cruelly. It went to second place each time, but they all remember, mainly because she made up her own plaque and bolted it to her classroom door.
"You know how you feel when you walk into a library, the rush as you look at all those books and think about all that knowledge, I get that everyday working here, they have so much to teach, you can feel the knowledge crackling off them, you want to learn from them, you strive to please them, to do better, to be noticed.
"I sometimes sit in the staffroom quietly, just listening to them talk, and if you ever get invited out with them for drinks, I defy anyone not to be overwhelmed by them." He was bouncing again, twitching with barely suppressed enthusiasm. "'Mione, it's the best feeling in the world, I wake up in the morning and I can't think of anywhere I'd rather be."
"Harry, do you think they ever wish things were different? It must be hard when all that potential is wasted."
"You'd have to ask them, I'm not sure how they feel about any of it, I'm not supposed to know. It's their loss not mine or ours. Anyway 'Mione, you wanted to talk about my parents or something?" She waved his question away, looking distracted.
"You answered it in part Harry, I was talking to the Headmaster, and he said if I wanted to talk to him about a subject I should research it. I did, and well I was going to tell you about your parents achievements, but you already knew."
"'Mione… I don't wish to be rude, but why do you keep coming back, you have a good job, and you hardly come and see me anymore, and yet your name is in the visitor book twice weekly. So what's up?"
"My clocks ticking Harry, my parents want grandchildren, all I get is "Mabel down the streets on her fourth grandchild, I guess we'll never see one of our own…" every time I visit. It's time for me to settle down."
"Congratulations! You and Ron will be happy, and I'm sure Mrs Weasley will share another grandchild, albeit unwillingly. So when's the big day"
"Harry, I'm not marrying Ron. Ron's great but well, I have my eye on someone who will help me achieve my full potential. Ron's fine with it, he has no plans to get married until he's fifty anyway, says he has brothers and sisters to appease Molly, he doesn't need to quite so soon."
"Someone in particular someone? Someone at the school someone?" Whatever his feelings towards the breakup of his best friends, he kept them hidden behind a veil of polite curiosity.
"The Headmaster."
"No way on this earth, he'd never go for it! You're an irritating Gryffindor, your know it all Granger, the bushy haired squirrel. Not a chance 'Mi," He couldn't have looked more well she wanted to think it was shock but she had an inkling it might be outrage, if he'd tried.
"I'll have you know that my hair is no longer bushy thank you very much Harry, and my teeth are fine as you can see, and he likes intelligent people. Why shouldn't he go for it. Not like he's dating anyone else, and like you said, he's straight."
"Hermione, really, as one of your oldest friends, please, he'll never go for it. He's Severus Snape, and you're Hermione Granger, one of the golden trio, the bane of his existence, a Gryffindor twit… No way love, how about someone else? Percy for instance, he's always ready to settle down, he's just had unfortunate luck with his girlfriends. Percy is ambitious, clean, intelligent the perfect husband for you. I'm sure we can arrange it."
"Harry, I know you mean well, but I've made up my mind, I want, and I can't believe these words are coming out of my mouth, I want to marry Severus Snape." Leaning over to kiss his cheek she stood and walked out, leaving him with a growing sick sensation in his stomach. After he finished preparing the lessons then he'd talk to his godfathers about it, they'd know what to do.
He didn't know what he expected when he broke the news to the duo, but whatever it was, he had expected more than a "Really Harry, I hardly think Severus will struggle to fight off the big bad Hermione, he's a fully grown adult and has been for a long time, he can handle an ambitious woman."
"Actually Harry, maybe you should warn her that he can be… a tad difficult. Wish her luck though, because without it she hasn't a hope in hell."
It didn't stop all three of them being in the library however when she next turned up, all discreetly doing research across the room from Snape, each with a couple of books in front of them, making a great show of exchanging them and pointing out passages.
"Morning Professor, I took your advice about researching topics I know nothing about, and before you say it I know I'm supposed to be a know it all, but really even I have little knowledge in some things…" Remus wasn't sure what appalled him more, the coy fluttering of her lashes as she spoke to Snape, or the fact that Snape's lips twitched into what could only be described as amusement.
"Miss Granger, you are as ever utterly modest…" There was a hiss as Remus ground his nails into Black's arm. It was official, the cunning witch had become interesting to Snape, he was doomed!
The three didn't stay any longer, with Black dragging Remus out before he drew blood, and Harry trailing in disbelief.
"She's done it, it starts out all coy glances, but seriously I mean he smiled, and he spoke to her, he doesn't speak to us half the time, dear god, Snape's going to be a husband!"
"He's too intelligent not to see what she's doing though, I mean she's being positively blatant, and what about poor old Ron, last thing I heard was they were dating,"
"Screwing more like."
"Yes thanks for that Siri, nothing like a bit of crudeness to put the whole situation into context…"
"Moony, I could have said fucking like wild rabbits, but I refrained, and not for the good of Harry's ears because he can be as crude as the next man, but because of your prudish sensibilities. I mean even Snape doesn't register if you use the word shag, whereas someone I know turns bright pink"
"Padfoot! She's a man-eater"
"Nice subject change there prude. Anyway like you said, he can handle himself, not like he hasn't dated before, remember Hestia? Actually she was a cow by even Snape's standards. I think if it hadn't been for Bella, well Snape would be married with ten kids all of which he'd have carried, deeply in debt, and working constantly at the youth regeneration potion he started to create for her. Harry you should have seen her, she was built like a Valkyrie, big bosom, shortish, well squat really especially compared to Snape. In fact if it wasn't for the lack of horns on her favourite hood I would have said she was the head handmaiden." He couldn't help but sigh longingly, he'd always had a thing for big breasts.
"What he means is she was a terror, you should have seen her as a beater, by god she was vicious, and she had a thing for taking out Padfoot, he ended up having bones regrown was it five times?"
"Six, but I did manage to cop a feel, so they were pretty much all deserved… Hufflepuff though, always thought she should have been Slytherin, I mean she had her eye on Snape. Tall, skinny, voice like melted chocolate, potions expert and wicked dueller, definitely a man with ambition, she saw her ticket to easy street and she grabbed on and held tightly. Think it was the only point where even James felt sorry for the poor sap."
"Do you remember the time when she proposed to him in the Great Hall, and got him to agree by stamping on him hard, I mean he was so pale, looked like he was going to pass out, she was grinding his foot into the floor, and shoving his face in her breasts. I think if it wasn't for Poppy he'd been lame now."
"Oh and did you see the black eye she gave Lily, I mean if it wasn't for the fact that she was scarier than Voldemort to us at school, James would have really got her back, as it was he walked up to her and stuttered something, and walked quickly away"
"Quickly? He was faster than Wormtail going to breakfast. Her mum was scary as well, and her dad looked a lot like Severus, he was some kind of expert in something, Snape never stood a chance against her."
"So what happened? I mean he isn't married to her now, did she die in the war?"
"Bellatrix, well she had a liking for old Snape, and she was always a wee bit scary, insane shall we say. I think it was because of all that crap she used to smoke, I mean she'd smoke anything from nettles to deadly nightshade, if it burnt when dry she'd smoke it. Anyway, Snape used to go off harvesting ingredients, and Bella used to tag along to get more supplies, and blast things into oblivion. Hestia turns up on the scene, stops Bella from getting off with Snape when they go on these trips, and they used to.
"I think it was more her attraction than his, but at seventeen you don't turn down kissing from attractive females even if they are crazy. Hestia started taking Snape on these trips herself, and Bella no longer knew the best places to harvest the best weeds. And then and we all thought that this was the main reason, Hestia planned the big day and invited everyone in the school, her poor dad having to pay for it all, and specifically declared that everyone bar Bella was invited. Snape at the time was down in the labs working on cell regeneration as Hestia had screamed in outrage when some first year asked what the lines were round her eyes."
"Ooooh do you remember when Snape was eating breakfast and Bella sat on his knee? I didn't realise anyone could throw someone actually into a wall like that, it would have been entertaining had it not been for the fact that it pointed out she could do it to me… Bella was about my build. And you had Bella and Hestia cat fighting behind Snape, while he's sat peacefully eating, occasionally flicking the paper over, patently ignoring everything, and when he finishes, and you have to admire him, he glides out of the room looking serene, managing to step across the sprawling limbs without any effort at all."
"Thank god for Hagrid, he was the only one who could stop Hestia from launching at her again. The pair of them were in detention for a month for that, parents were called in and everything."
"So Bella by this point had a major grudge against her, and the wedding stunt just sent her overboard. According to Regulas she wouldn't shut up about how she was going to do the Hufflepuff bitch in. Funny thing is I don't think Snape ever complained about what was happening, just let it happen. Probably decided there wasn't a whole lot he could do to change the situation, so carried on regardless.
"So now we have a murderous insane Bella, and Hestia. Bella by this point is eager to find a way to off her competition, when who should appear but Malfoy and Riddle. Riddle, offers her chance to join his merry gang of psychos and Bella being Bella accepts. She has Malfoy kidnap Hestia, and as part of her initiation, something that only Bella enjoyed, she tortured Hestia to death,"
"So now Hestia's mum turns up at the school and starts being all maternal on Snape, who I'm sure did feel some sort of regret, everyone knew who'd done it, Bella hadn't exactly been careful about keeping quiet, and Hestia's mum is now monopolising Snape instead of letting Bella crawl all over him. So she has a word with Riddle and asks for a second initiation because the first one wasn't proof enough, and asks for two people to torture, Hestia's parents.
"Anyway Snape ends up inheriting everything as they had an official bond, and Bella ends up expelled and living with the Deatheaters. She ends up married to Lestrange as Snape took advantage of the years mourning to avoid dating Bella, and started wearing black all the time. Not that he didn't date, but he kept to safe bets. He dated Lily for a couple of months, hence why she was on the hit list, actually all of his girlfriends ended up dying hideously. Other than Lily, and that was because Riddle got there first."
"But Bella and Riddle are dead so that wont be a problem anymore…"
"He's never been good with strong women…"
"Just lets them do what they want, impeccable manners though, doesn't cause scenes in public, good provider, not pushy in any sense of the word, considerate, brilliant with parents, even the Potters and James used to lie something shocking about him."
"Slim, fit, goodly sized, fairly attractive… Rich as well now, and generous with it on his partner, she's such a gold digger, she'll use him all up, what's the betting that she uses his contacts to get where she wants, and I have a feeling she'll only be happy with Minister of Magic."
"SPEW all over again, what can we do though, I mean he already finds her company well smile worthy, and once she gets her claws into something she keeps them there. I mean is it really bad that he'll be getting some companionship?"
"She's using him Harry, he's one of us, and that nasty little madam can find a new mark!"
"You tell him Moony..!" Black got smacked for rolling his eyes. "Moony's right though, Snape needs to – what the hell am I saying, did we not all agree that he can look after himself, and its not like she's using Imperio – which may I just say he showed that he can resist anyway. If he wants to get married, then he will"
By the time they'd finished filling in Harry about Snape's sexual history, Hermione had already asked him for a meal, to which he'd accepted. Though he had no idea why, he wasn't sure if it was a chance to assess her hostess capabilities, or a chance to nose round her home for future ammunition.
"Tonight then, 7? I prefer to eat at 6 on a normal weekday night, gives the body chance to digest the food, however I am willing to change my habits to the more regular Hogwarts hours, if I should have the opportunity that is Professor." He couldn't help but smirk at the lack of subtly behind her actions, she could have smacked him over the head and straddled him and her actions wouldn't have been any clearer.
"Miss Granger, we do have adult classes if you are so eager to return to your school days. Unfortunately, as you passed your NEWT's with more than passing grades, you will be charged full price for the tutorials under my expert team of staff, though you will find that they will be able to tailor a personal learning plan for your benefit."
If he'd have been Harry or Ron, she'd have smacked him on the arm, but she doubted she'd ever be at that stage with Snape. "How much would it cost me to have personal sessions with Hogwarts Headmaster? And are there any limits on the course, or would there be scope for intimate lessons…"
"Miss Granger, believe me when I say I never had you pegged as having a teacher student fetish, though on reflection if I had thought about your sexual kinks that would rate highly." He couldn't help but grin at the look of complete shock on her face, but only for a second before his face fell back into its natural repose of blank façade.
"Well 7 then," Avoiding his eyes she shuffled out, leaving to get rid of Ron who she was sure would still be asleep in her bed, lazy git that he was.
It took another couple of months before she managed an engagement ring on her finger. Not the Snape family ring, that was still in the family vault, Snape's family had long since given up hoping that an engagement would lead to marriage, and so the ring would not allow itself to be removed until the new Mrs Snape, or Lady Snape as she would soon be called, was with child. Sirius had explained to Hermione about the Hestia incident and how she'd been insistent that Snape carried the children, so it was his insurance that he wouldn't have to.
"So you got the git to agree then?"
"Ron! That's my future husband you're referring to as a git, please keep a civil tongue in your head."
"I take it your proposed, supplied the ring, did all the chasing and you'll be organising the whole thing. I'm surprised he hasn't asked for a prenup, especially after the messy divorce Goyle went through, who'd have thought that Hannah Abbot would fleece him! Never seen a man weep like that before, felt sorry for the poor mug."
"Damn bitch, she rips off one Slytherin and the papers go berserk and suddenly prenups are the way to go."
"Wasn't it Harry who suggested them though? In fact I'm sure that he was busy telling me and Percy all about how he'd been doing research into it and given Snape a whole heap of information-"
"Harry bless him, has decided that I'm going to devour his precious Headmaster, and so he's going to save him, you know Harry's save the world attitude." Shrugging at her snappish words, he tugged her back into bed, kissing away any words of protest.
The wedding itself was traditional, Harry had planned it all with help from Molly Weasley, full of vows of fidelity, honesty, loyalty, complete with the burning pustules, and red letters should these vows be broken. Hermione wore red and gold as her first colour of white was vetoed by the organisers.
"Oh pet, you know you can't wear white, I know that you and Ronald have finished now, but I did change the sheets in his room while you were dating, and well, it wouldn't be becoming of a girl like you to lie to her new husband would it, he'd see the white dress and get all excited, well as excited as that man gets, and he'll get in a real snit when he realises his prize has already been taken. You don't want to start your wedding with your very own husband in a raging snit now do you?"
Which was how she ended up in a dress she'd never have worn in a thousand years, carrying flowers that caused her nose to itch, and her frustration level through the roof being that Molly had stuck to her like glue for the last week, not even able to relieve her tensions solo without interruptions of "Dear, your husband will see to that, you must restrain yourself, you don't want him to fear you're a cold fish now do we…"
In fact they had far passed the point where Molly was even tolerable, she'd disappeared into the list of those to be loathed before all others. Her ear rings had gone, for no new husband wanted his new bride to have more holes in her than she was born with, she'd undergone detox sessions where she'd existed solely on grapes and water, then she'd been cleaned thoroughly before dressing in her wedding dress, both externally and internally, been purified by priests, and had even had her body "renewed" with great pain to herself as her hymen was "repaired". It was ludicrous what was expected of her, and all for a simple wedding night, he wouldn't even notice, it'd be a quick poke and then separate rooms for the rest of the marriage.
The question of children had cropped up, but she'd relied on her future husband's natural pessimistic outlook on life, and they had agreed to wait ten years before attempting procreation. Molly had been appalled obviously, but for once she dropped the subject, Hermione had a small inkling that there was little faith in the marriage lasting. To be fair she had her own doubts but Snape was older, and it wouldn't be too long before his body packed in; what with the war, potions and dark arts, all damaging to his middle aged body.
The ceremony went without a hitch, her mother and Molly sitting clutching each others hands, dabbing at their eyes, the bridesmaids including Luna looked radiant, the groomsmen looking smart and handsome, the groom, well in her honest opinion, looked as attractive as he ever would do, he was immaculate, the robes were cut to the most flattering style, showing off his lean body, highlighting the muscles without overstating them, and for once his nose looked as if it fit his face, with his hair cut to draw attention away from the overall size, and his eyes were just dark pools that threatened to drown her, no the night wouldn't be a hardship by any stretch of the imagination, even the stains on his hands were gone.
The vows were said, the cake cut, the first dance, the speeches, the customary dad dance, and the squabble over the bouquet, and all too soon they were off to bed.
In all it took less than a month before Severus started to suspect that his wife was being less than subtle with her relationship with the youngest of the male Weasleys. He had no doubt that even as soon as the day after their wedding night she had been back in her lovers arms, but at least it had been discreet, he was prepared to forgive discreet, for he had no need of her, in all truth he had no idea why he deigned to get married in the first place, other than it had seemed like a good idea.
Now however he was starting to find Weasley socks in his living room. The final straw though had been when he invited Remus and Bill round to raid his library and had to swiftly guide them into the kitchen while his wife rushed her lover out through the window into the garden. Not that it had helped keep his two colleagues from realising the state of affairs due to their advanced sense of smell.
"I swear I'll kill the little rat, I can't believe he would do this, especially after you got married for gods sake!"
"Calm yourself William, I have no doubt the lad was only obeying the love of his life, what my wife says he does, he's a fool, but a good natured one."
"Severus, surely you can't be accepting of this? Really man have you no pride?" for that remark Remus was shot a searing look, which he returned with one of disbelief.
"Remus, as of now I am not accepting, I was accepting up until the point where my colleagues, my friends and no doubt the public, hear of my cuckolding. It is one thing to be discreet, and quite another to be emasculated to the world at large. However steps were taken due to the diligence of your family William, and Harry, as well as a legion of "helpers" who had the marriage so securely managed that I have no doubt that I will be a single man as of the end of business tomorrow."
"Do you need us to go? So you can deal with your soon to be ex?"
"There's no need, in fact it would probably be prudent for at least one of you to stay until she goes, I have no desire to be subjected to a screaming fit, I hear enough histrionics at school and my house will not fall prey to them."
"You are taking this suspiciously well… Even when you take into account how protected you are. You've been plotting…?"
"Let's just say if she'd have been Slytherin I'd be more concerned, but with a Gryffindor you can rely on certain traits. Like lack of patience for one. Anyway we can say my dalliance in married life has been less than successful, almost as successful as my dabbling in homosexuality" There was a definite twinkle in his eye as Bill turned red, choking on the butter beer.
"What on earth have you managed to gain from this whole charade that has put you in such great spirits?" Remus was now openly glaring at him with suspicion.
"Wolf, if you believe I gain anything about being cuckolded in public you must have a vivid imagination"
"Yes, so tell me what scheme have you plotted?"
"Remus, the poor man has just been hit with the knowledge his wife is being a complete tart, give the man a break"
"Bill, he never denied gaining anything, look at him, he looks like the cat whose got the cream, so ask yourself why"
"As much as I enjoy these flights of fancy, I feel the urge to eat, would one of you call my wife down and we can get the unseemly business of informing her of her indiscretion before supping?" He really did have a terribly smug feel to him.
The encounter went well, there was no crying, no "how dare you accuse me" Hermione wasn't daft enough to accuse him of lying when it would be a simple case of dosing them both with Veritaserum to discover the truth. She left with nothing more than a straightening of her shoulders and a steely look in her eyes.
As predicted it took no more than a day to dissolve the marriage, with "SHOCK EXPOSE: The Real Story Behind The Wedding Of The Year" and "Snape's Heartbreak" "Granger; Nympho or Just Misunderstood"
"War Hero Severus Snape, the current Headmaster at the esteemed Hogwarts has just announced the dissolution of his marriage to Gryffindor golden girl Hermione Granger, he didn't mention to whose fault the breakup was, but following a tip off, we have discovered Miss Granger is now residing with her former lover and youngest son of Minister Weasley, Ronald Weasley…" And so on and so on.
"The betrayed hero kindly has asked for all thoughtful donations of flowers and objects to be delivered not to himself but to the orphanages, and hospitals as he feels they would be better appreciated. He would like to thank everyone for their generous and well meant support, but would like to ask the public to please be civil to his ex wife. Once again he would like to state that he is well, and has the support of his friends." Remus finished reading at the breakfast table, the staff all grinning at the sedate Headmaster who still radiated satisfaction.
"You know Snape, I can see you licking your claws in victory. That poor girl never had a chance," Sirius couldn't help but bow his head in sheer awe at the master coup.
"Black, I have no idea what you mean, as far as I was concerned the girl chased me, married me and cheated on me," He arched a brow at the sniggering Weasley's who had talked to him about the family involvement in the whole scandal, "Really William, anyone would think I knew what the girl was planning to do, and far be it for me to understand the deranged minds of the female Gryffindor's."
"Uh huh, I think I speak for all of us when I say, Severus Snape you are an example to all Slytherin everywhere." Bill's comment was met with an answering nod of the head, which had it been anyone else would have been a full on standing on the table bowing and cheering.
It took some time before the aftermath died down, when Hermione could walk down the street without people whispering, but thanks to the continued support from her ex husband, at least everyone had been civil, civil to the point of frozen, but better than howlers and threats.
"Charlie, we're cordially invited to a pre engagement family meeting, it seems that Mum finally got Ron to propose, but she didn't say to whom, but as it isn't written with the quill through the parchment my guess is that it's not Hermione."
"Joy… you have to feel sorry for the poor lad, he's so under the thumb that he can't do anything right, though you have to be glad that the little madam is off the scene…"
Five months later and there was a new addition to the Weasley house hold, a quiet refined Hufflepuff who had Ron running after her like a lovesick pup. Andrea was a very welcome daughter in law, and with the first child well on the way, Ron had been firmly reunited with his mother, finally forgiven for the scandal.
Life kept ticking on, the ministry no longer pushing for marriages, the population booming once more, the economy thrived, no threats to society, it returned to the glory days before the war.