Ok, I haven't gotten any requests from last chapter, so I'm writing this one off the top of my head. Once again, I do not own the Mortal Kombat franchise.
Syzoth should have known better, really, but he could not help himself. Cage was his guest last week, and it was obvious that the ham actor would be great in a film about the Shao Kahn from the in the Annihilation timeline. Unfortunately, the Shao Khan from his own timeline was apparently a fan of Kombat Chat and became enraged at the idea of Johnny Cage playing him in any timeline. So, after some threats of soul suction and bodily dismemberment, Syzoth had to cancel his former guest for the week, Sheeva, and accommodate the irate emperor at the last moment.
Why, Syzoth, you idiot, did you have to offend the Kahn?
Standing in front of his desk, Syzoth rubbed the crumbs of sleep out of his eyes.
"Folks," he said, shaking his head as if to get past a hangover, "Always be careful about who you jokes could offend. Last week I tried to insult Johnny Cage. Instead I gave him inspiration for his newest role, and our former Khan is not pleased with that. So, after numerous threats, I arranged at the last minute for him to be my guest this week. Please give out an epic shout, roar, or yell for the former emperor of Outworld, Shao Khan!"
The crowd went wild as the emperor walked on set.
"Yes, minions, cheer for your emperor!"
"We love you, Shao Khan!" an Edenian fangirl screamed.
Shao Khan continued to soak up the praise and adoration of the audience for another five minutes until Reptile ever so politely coughed.
"What is it, lizard?"
"We have limited time here, sir."
"Fine!" Khan snapped at Syzoth.
Khan plopped himself down the couch next to Reptile's desk.
"Let's get started."
Everyone went silent.
"To start off with, Johnny Cage will never play me in this or any other timeline."
"Dread lord, are you familiar with the Annihilation timeline?"
"Only from what I've heard on this show."
"Then you don't know that the Shao Khan in that timeline is nothing like you? Makes over the top speeches that he thinks are threatening but make himself look like a dork?"
"I would never do that. That sucks, and I don't suck. Cyrax, Johnny Cage, Scorpion, Sub-Zero, Liu Kang"—after Liu Kang, Syzoth noticed that Kahn was just listing names in no particular order and could not help buty just zone out for a minute until Khan finally said, slowly and deliberately, "They all suck!" Khan switched back to his normal voice to "I don't suck; I'm the one who tells other people they do."
"Exactly," Reptile said pretending to follow Khan's rant but actually having gotten lost in the long litany of people the khan was putting down. "You do realize that we've wasted all our airtime?"
"So?" Khan said, "I've taken the souls of all of the network executives and won't give them back until our talk is done."
"So, you are okay with an alternate version of yourself being a total joke?"
"Is that the same timeline where I'm Swedish and have mustache-goatee combo?" A familiar voice said from behind the stage.
"Quiet, Dad! I'm trying to bully this network into fearing me. Now you show up make me look so unprofessional."
Shinnok circled behind the set, emerging to Reptile's left.
"I thought now was a perfect opportunity to announce our deadly alliance," he said, eyes on Khan. He turned his head. "Hi, Reptile."
"All right everyone!" Shao Khan stood up and demanded, "All cameras off until I deal with my elderly father."
The Tarkatans working the cameras quickly nodded, turned the cameras off, and ran away for dear life.
"Perhaps I should go to," Reptile said.
"Oh no you don't! Your talk about this Annihilation timeline is why Shinnok has forced himself into my life."
"But aren't you glad we took the DNA test?" The fallen Elder God whined.
"Look, I never needed a father while I was growing up, and Mileena certainly doesn't need you for a grandpa. I agreed to join forces with you, not to invite you into my life."
"Son, it really hurts Daddy when you say things like that," Shinnok whimpered pathetically.
"Is this where you told Khan that his scheme to merge all the realms would bring back your own father, Norbert?"
Before Shinnok could answer Khan cut him off.
"Norbert! What kind of Titan names himself 'Norbert?'"
"The greatest Titan, and you had better respect him, boy!"
"I thought that Cthulhu squid guy was the greatest of them," Reptile said.
"In his dreams!" Shinnok said. "In one future Sonya Blade beats him up."
"Says the man beaten up by that stupid actor?" Khan shot back. "At least when he was the One Being everyone was afraid of him—it's hard to be afraid of a being called 'Norbert' no matter his power."
"So Dread lord," Reptile asked, "have you or have you not joined your biological father in a campaign to merge all the realms?
"I've accepted all his resources, acknowledged that almost fifty percent of me comes from him, but no. He wants to bring his father back; I want to rule."
"Hey," Shinnok said, "You didn't let me bring Quan Chi over to your side and he's my second-in-command."
"He also betrayed me on your orders. Remember the Earthrealm invasion?"
"We weren't allies then, or family!"
"And let's not forget all the timelines where Quan Chi betrays you. He's playing his own game and you're too dumb to see it!"
"Enough! I am your father, Shao Khan, and I demand some respect!"
"When you can be as powerful a final boss as I am without absorbing jinsei, we'll talk. When you have idea of which realms would be easiest to merge first, we'll talk. Until then, stay away from Mileena, Sindel, and me!"
"Aw, Shao," Shinnok moaned, "it hurts Daddy's feelings when you talk like that."
Khan glared at Shinnok.
"When you have a plan to merge the realms, talk to me. Until then, stay away from me."
Shinnok hung his shoulders low and walked off screen slowly, deliberately dragging his heels.
"Turn the cameras back on!" Khan demanded Reptile. The Saurian nodded, got up, and switched each camera back to record.
By the time Syzoth said, "Done," the sound of Shinnok's dragging heels had completely faded away.
"Shinnok," Khan said loudly, "You suck!"
"I never thought I would ever feel sorry for you, Dread lord, but having that bumbling idiot as an overbearing father is the worst torture I can imagine, apart from being soul-raped by your grandfather's reincarnation."
"When did this happen?" Khan asked.
"The previous timeline—Onaga possessed my body."
"Onaga is the One Being's reincarnation? That's disappointing." Khan slumped his head. "But I suppose it makes since." Onaga had been the previous khan of Outworld, and the most feared being in all the realms. A glint of determination set Shao Khan's eyes ablaze—"I'm going to merge all the realms before the old dragon, and then I will be the One Being, not Onaga, Damashi, Norbert, or whatever he's calling himself these days. Maybe I'll lend him Shinnok."
"Good thinking, dread one."
"The demented old fool is so desperate for familial love he'll see Norbert himself in Onaga, not just his reincarnation. Then my nemesis will have to put with the Shinnok family drama."
Syzoth smiled a toothy grin.
"There's a reason why you lasted so long as khan. You have the brains that your father lacks. He only lasted so long in the Netherrealm because Quan Chi found it easier to rule from behind the throne. This is just the opposite of the Annihilation timeline where Shinnok was the smart one."
Shao Khan arched his eye ridges behind his mask, "That's the timeline Cage is making a movie about?"
"Pretty much. Just reverse your position with Shinnok's in that debacle. Oh, you did kill Cage in that timeline."
"I killed Cage there, so even when a version of myself is tainted by incompetence I am still able to provide a necessary service to all the realms. I'm awesome even as a failure!"
"So, I take it that you still don't want our Cage playing their you?"
"Not in any timeline, though I would like to see him get killed, even if it's only in a movie."
"You seem to hate Cage particularly—I thought your nemeses were Raiden and Liu Kang?"
"Professionally yes-but Cage is more annoying, like Kung Lao. Those two deserve special treatment when I dispose of them."
"Speaking of alternate timelines, is your wife the Sindel from this timeline or not?"
"What's the point of this question?"
"It's just that everyone remembers her being, well, good, and now she is completely evil and manipulative, and she seems to think she's always been this way."
"I like her better this way—in fact I don't even need magic to keep her loyal. The whole sacrificing herself to put a ward around Earthrealm never set well with me, but knowing now that Quan Chi killed her, I feel much better."
"You're just accepting this new Sindel's word as truth?"
"Why shouldn't I, lizard?"
"Does she seem like the Sindel you remember?"
"No, she seems much improved, throws herself into evil a lot more willingly."
"Dread lord, you know how messed up the timeline is these days, all I'm suggesting is that she could be the Sindel of a different timeline?"
"Who cares? Old Sindel sucks! New Sindel is perfect. I don't care whose Sindel she was before, she's mine and Mileena's now! If the Sindel from this timeline is a different person, Kitana can keep her."
The audience started booing.
Khan raised his war hammer and shouted, "You all suck!"
The studio became silent.
Khan seated himself and looked to Syzoth, "I love having that effect on people."
"I remember it well, Dread one."
"Then why did you leave Mileena for that traitor Kotal?"
The audience oohed.
Reptile sensed a challenge.
"Watch yourself, Dread one. This is my Kolosseum."
The audience oohed again as Reptile stood on his desk and became invisible.
"I left Mileena because while she was good at making us hate her, she really failed at making us fear or respect her. It was always, 'My daddy this' or 'My daddy that.' Kotal pointed out my usefulness in intelligence gathering. I respected him for that."
"Wait," Khan demanded trying to gauge where Reptile's cloaked body was—"She relied on me to scare people into serving her—but I was dead. She couldn't have done this without me?"
"Apparently, you never taught her to."
Khan's eyes were now focused on nothing in particular. His mind turned in word.
"I failed her—as a dad, I suck!?"
"Notice any similarities between yourself and a fallen Elder God of Death?"
"Yeah, Shinnok sucked as a dad," Khan's voice drifted off. "Like me…" he said softly.
Reptile became visible again, sitting comfortably in his chair.
"You need to work on your parenting with Mileena if you ever want her to be Khan."
"Actually, because I'm immortal I never counted on getting killed."
"Something you should always consider if you are an interdimensional warlord."
"I took too many chances,"
"And until last week I took too few. But if you stopped being the final boss, you wouldn't be Shao Khan, you would be a cowardly looser who really does suck."
Kahn sat down, "I'm going to instruct Mileena in the ways of making your underlings fear you. Then, if anything happens to me again, she will be ready to take my place." Khan looked Reptile in the eyes. "Thank you, lizard, you may suck as a fighter, but you are a great motivational speaker."
Did Syzoth just imagine it, or did Shao Khan actually compliment him?
"Thanks, I guess."
"Now I must return home teach Mileena that are consequences to having orgies in my palace."
And with that the khan walked off stage, leaving Syzoth to fear what terror a disciplined Mileena would inflict on the timeline.