Joey and Chandler embraced and kissed each other for several happy minutes, reveling in the sheer joy of being reunited at last. They had not even spoken to each other or shared their usual affectionate hugs for two years, so it was understandable that this separation had been harder on them than Chandler's commute to Tulsa, or the time when Joey moved out and Eddie became Chandler's roommate.

Their kisses were soft and tender at first, but they gradually increased in passion. Chandler wanted to get even closer to Joey, so he got up from his own chair and tried to squeeze onto Joey's chair, ending up in his lap instead. Joey groaned eagerly and ran his hand along Chandler's thigh.

Tingling with desire, Chandler closed his eyes and whispered again, "I love you."

"Me too." Joey nuzzled his neck and sighed warmly. "I can't believe you're really here. It's been so long."

"Too long!" Chandler kissed him fiercely and at the same time started to unbutton Joey's shirt.

Joey growled in his ear, readily getting caught up in the pleasure and lust, but then his fingers roamed across Chandler's wedding ring, and he felt a pang of guilt.

"No, wait," he pulled back and finally broke off their hot kisses. "No, no! We shouldn't. Stop!"

"What?" Chandler was confused and hurt by his change of heart. "But I told you, I'm gonna divorce Monica."

"I know, I know," Joey answered, "but you haven't told her yet, Chandler. She's at home in New York and she doesn't know anything about this yet."

Chandler pouted. "But she's probably all over that Don guy right now."

Joey wasn't so sure about that. "How do you know that? She's never actually cheated on you before now, has she?"

Chandler shrugged cynically. "Not that I have any proof of her cheating, no."

Joey frowned. Had Chandler's marriage really worsened that much in the two years since he'd been gone? "Well... well even if she did cheat on you, Chandler--even if Phoebe's somehow managed to hook them up as part of her big plan--that's not an excuse for us to do stuff. Two wrongs don't make a right."

Chandler saw his point, but still ached to kiss and touch Joey everywhere. "So what are you saying? We can't be together until I'm officially divorced?"

Joey shook his head. "Nah, I couldn't wait that long either. I mean, who knows how long this divorce is gonna take, with all the money and the custody to work out?" Still, he gently but firmly moved Chandler off his lap and onto another chair. "But I just think that we should at least wait until you go home and talk to Monica. You guys should both know about this divorce, you know?"

Chandler sighed and reluctantly agreed with him. "Okay, I-I guess I can wait out the weekend. But do you promise that after me and Monica have started the divorce, you'll come visit me in New York and we can pick up where we left off?"

Joey nodded and kissed his cheek. "Sure. I guess it'll be like when you and Janice were dating while she was divorcing Gary. But, uh, do you promise that you're not gonna, like, kiss Monica again and go back to her?"

"I promise. I love you." He kissed Joey firmly to reassure him, but soon got carried away.

Joey had to push him off again breathlessly. "Chandler, you're killing me here."

"Sorry." It was hard to have that much willpower, when he was only human.

"Well, I gotta, um--" Joey got up from his chair and looked embarrassed because of the evident bulge in his jeans.

"Me too." Chandler felt so horny right now that he was tempted to pounce onto Joey again, right or wrong.

Joey cleared his throat and tried to think clearly. "Um, uh, let me, uh, let me show you where the bathroom is, so you can... you know. And then I'll, I'll go to my room."

"Okay."

So Joey quickly directed Chandler toward his bathroom, then scurried into his bedroom and locked the door, lest Chandler be tempted to follow him inside.

Joey sank onto his bed and released his erection from his jeans with a sigh. He was going commando as usual, so there was no further obstacle to relieving his lust. Joey just closed his eyes and started fantasizing about Chandler, who surely was fantasizing about him at this moment too. What a hot image that was. The only thing hotter would be if they were both here in this bed, touching and kissing again.

***

After the guys finished and cleaned up, they each unlocked their doors and timidly ventured out into the hallway. Joey and Chandler felt awkward and shy around each other now, and they were strongly tempted to act on their recent fantasies again. Maybe they both should have taken cold showers instead.

Joey finally broke the tense silence. "Uh, so... what--what do you wanna do now?"

Chandler shrugged and forced himself to think unsexy thoughts. "I-I guess we could go sit down and talk. Do you wanna eat that candy bar I bought you?"

"What? Oh yeah."

So they returned to the living room and sat on the couch together, taking care not to sit too close. Joey unwrapped the triangular Toblerone bar and broke off pieces of the chocolate. "Mmm, good. Man, I haven't had one of these since Ross was dating Emily, you know, and they kept bringing these back from the airport."

"Yeah, I know." Chandler hadn't thought of Emily in a long time. He was reminded of the trip to London, where he had fought with Joey constantly, then wound up in bed with Monica after the rehearsal dinner. In retrospect, he wished now that he had made up with Joey instead of letting their petty squabbles ruin their trip. Perhaps then Monica could have gone out and hooked up with some English guy that night instead, and everything would be much simpler now.

Joey sighed and spoke pensively, "London seems so long ago now. All these years, I got used to you and Monica being together. You moved in with her, and you married her, and now you have a kid... I still feel so guilty about all this--"

"I know," Chandler interrupted, and squeezed Joey's hand. "But remember what I said before. We can't just stay together because of our kid, Joe. Not when we don't love each other anymore, and Monica's got somebody else she's meant to be with."

"You think Phoebe's really right about that Don guy being her soulmate?"

Chandler shrugged. "Well, I haven't really believed in soulmates in a while. Maybe since Janice said we were soulmates, but left me for Gary anyway. But from what I can remember of Don, I guess he could make Monica happy. They've got all that cheese stuff in common, and she's always liked mature guys with sophisticated tastes like Richard. Remember how cool he was when we used to hang out with him, Joe? Driving his Jaguar, smoking his cigar, and showing us how to tip guys with a handshake. Monica kept trying to nag me to be more classy and grownup all the time. I was cool with that for a while, 'cause I wanted to do anything to make her happy, but ever since you've been gone, Joe, I've started to realize that it's just not enough for me. I need to be happy too. I need to be myself."

Joey frowned. "You seemed happy when you were with her. She changed you, and you were more relaxed and didn't freak out about stuff as much."

"I didn't actually feel all that relaxed, Joe," Chandler said with a weary sigh. "I mean, sure, I didn't freak out about commitment anymore and I wanted to have a baby, but I was working so hard to keep her happy all the time and avoid fights. The hardest part was when she'd get too bossy sometimes and obsess about stuff. I used to think that I was good at maintaining her, but she seemed to get more neurotic every year, and she overreacted about more and more things. I had to be the one to calm her down all the time and be sensible, when I'd rather just be, I don't know, like Jack Geller, goofing off all the time and making inappropriate remarks, while my wife humors me and says I'm still sexy."

"But I bet even Mr. and Mrs. Geller must fight sometimes. We just don't see it."

"I know. I'm not looking for a perfect marriage where nobody ever fights, or where it's easy all the time. I just want all the effort to mean something. For it to be reciprocated. Monica used to really try in our relationship, and she used to care how I felt about things. She'd listen when I'd get all neurotic, and she'd reassure me if I was insecure. But for the past few years, she hasn't tried. It feels like I'm not even there anymore, and that I shouldn't bother having an opinion about something because she's just going to override me anyway."

"What do you mean?"

"Like when I moved into her apartment, and I couldn't have a game room or bring any of my stuff over. Practically all I got to bring were my barcalounger and my clothes. Then she wouldn't let the chick and the duck come over to visit anymore, claiming she had allergies. Then after we got engaged, she wouldn't let me see her wedding planning book, and even though I was paying for the whole thing, she told me to go to hell if I even wanted to discuss the budget. And even when I thought she gave me some input by picking out our wedding china together, I found out later that she'd gone back and chosen a different china pattern. I'm finding out more stuff like that all the time. Did you know that she never legally changed her name when we got married, even though she told me that she had? If she really wanted to keep her maiden name so much, why couldn't she just tell me?"

Joey frowned in confusion. "I thought she said she was just using her maiden name for work."

"Yeah, that's what she told me too. She also told me that at home, she was gonna be Monica Geller hyphen Bing, but that turned out to be a lie. I really don't know why she thought I wouldn't understand the truth, Joe. I just can't read her anymore, and she's become so distant lately. Ever since Monica finished maternity leave, you know, she's been all gung-ho about having it all, the career and the marriage and the baby. She's planning and organizing all the time, trying to make every little detail perfect, when it can't really be. She won't admit that she's only human. I feel like I'm getting in the way, and she tunes out anything I have to say."

Stunned, Joey listened intently to Chandler's account of the past two years; since he left New York, he hadn't asked Phoebe for many details about the gang. He just assumed that Chandler would be completely happy with Monica, and that all his old friends would go on with their lives without him. Besides, Joey didn't really want to know how quickly Chandler got over him, when he himself hadn't been able to move on despite all his efforts. It was strange and bittersweet to finally learn that the Bings' marriage wasn't so perfect after all, and that Chandler had frequently pined for him.

Chandler sighed sadly. "I tried so many times to get over you, Joe, but it never lasted. It wasn't even just the memory of kissing you that night on Christmas. I really missed you being around just as a friend, you know, and I kept thinking about all the fun we used to have when we were roommates. You were my best friend for so long, and I never thought I'd have to live without you. Once, I even pictured you moving in with me and Monica when we got a house in the suburbs. You'd live in an apartment over our garage with the chick and the duck, and you'd be Uncle Joey to our kids. We'd grow old together." He shrugged and realized how odd that phrase sounded. "It-it actually sounds kind of silly now. I don't know. Maybe, maybe I've always loved you without realizing it."

Joey hugged him and kissed him softly again.

Wiping his tears away, Chandler asked Joey what he had been doing during these past two years in L.A.

"Me? Oh, nothing much really. Just making some movies, you know." He shrugged dismissively.

"I don't mean your work, Joe. I mean you, your life. All the stuff that you stopped telling me or Phoebe about. Were you all right here? You mentioned something about seeing Kate again. When did that happen?"

Joey frowned and looked away. "Well... well, when I first got to L.A., I spent a few months really concentrating on my career, 'cause I thought it would help me get over you, you know? But after a while it really wasn't enough, and I got lonely all the time. Besides missing you, I was so homesick 'cause none of the gang or my family were here either. It was like losing my whole world."

"Oh, Joe," Chandler rubbed his arm sympathetically.

Joey continued quietly, "Then I-I started going out on some dates and trying to make more Hollywood friends, but I still felt lost and out of place. See, after I fell in love with you, I wondered if that meant that I was gay or something, and I didn't know what to do about that. Anyway, even if I went out with a guy instead of a girl, it didn't help much, 'cause I kept moping about you and New York and everybody. And whenever I would call home, my family would always be telling me about somebody they knew who was getting married or having another kid, and they'd ask me why I never come back to visit, and be the kid's godfather. They even thought I might be getting a swelled head, being a movie star and all; I couldn't tell them that I was just pathetic."

Chandler hugged him close and kissed him comfortingly.

Joey sighed and put his head against Chandler's shoulder, just savoring the embrace in silence.

"And what about Kate?" Chandler asked after a while.

Taking a deep breath, Joey finally confessed, "Well, um, I ran into Kate at a movie audition last year, and we started talking and stuff. It was really nice for a while. She wasn't snobby anymore, and she was still as pretty and smart as I remembered. I thought I was finally gonna get over you. So I started going out with her, and we were doing okay for a few months, but then it got... bad."

"Bad?"

Joey nodded and wasn't sure how to explain. "Bad, and weird. Um, I-I tried really hard to be all serious and committed to her, but..." he hesitated again, "after a while, being with her just kept reminding me of when I first met her, back in New York. You know, when you were still living with me, and I was in that play, and you had that goatee for a while. Then we got the chick and the duck, and we'd give them baths and fight about them, remember? And you'd try to get my mind off Kate, and play foosball with me and stuff. I just missed you so much, Chandler." He closed his eyes and choked up a little. "I kept--I kept wishing, and thinking about what might've happened with you and me. If we'd just kissed, if London hadn't happened, if we'd gone on that road trip to Vegas, without the rest of them..."

Joey couldn't go on, and Chandler held him tighter, feeling remorseful too about all their missed opportunities over the years.

"Then, um, Kate noticed that something was going on with me, 'cause I was distracted and sad all the time. She tried to talk to me, and I ended up telling her that we'd changed too much over the years, that I was a different guy than I was when we first met, that I was in love with somebody else and wasn't over him."

Chandler gasped in shock. "You told her about me?"

Joey nodded and shrugged apologetically. "Yeah. I guess I could have told her it was Rachel I was thinking about, but I wasn't thinking that well at the time. It just slipped out, and suddenly I was telling her about how you were married and had a kid, and I had to leave New York 'cause I couldn't take seeing you all happy and knowing that I couldn't be a part of that. Kate was really shocked, but she tried to be nice to me and give me some advice; I just wanted to be alone, though. Anyway, we broke up, and she left. Then I got so frustrated and mad at myself that I couldn't get over you, that I'd ruined things with Kate instead of trying harder. I mean, what was I gonna do, be alone for the rest of my life? I got really depressed, so I went and had all these meaningless one-night stands for a while, trying not to think about you anymore. Then Phoebe had her baby and called me from the hospital, and it all started up again, you know? And well, I already told you how me and Sarah became friends and I started helping her out and babysitting Maddy. I just didn't want to feel so alone anymore."

Chandler hated to hear that Joey had suffered so much, and he tried to make up for it with many tender kisses and murmurs of "I love you."

Joey responded just as warmly for a while, until he realized that they were passionately making out on the couch. "Wait, wait!" He pulled away again and stopped them from getting carried away. "Not yet."

Chandler caught his breath and blinked in a daze. "Oh. Right. I'm--I'm sorry."

"It's okay. Um, maybe, maybe we shouldn't be alone right now. Uh, you wanna go for a walk or something? Or maybe we can go talk to Sarah?"

"Sure, okay. We could, we could even go out sightseeing in Hollywood."

"Right. Let's go." They put on their coats and left the apartment.

[Next chapter, we'll find out what Monica's doing in New York, and whether Phoebe's plan is working.]