The loft is quiet, still even. The place looks untouched in certain rooms while dishes and trash pile up in the kitchen with take-out containers splattered across the coffee table. There in the mix of it all is Barry Allen, laying across the couch with a blanket for warmth. The only sound that rings in his ears are the sound of his own breathing as his arm lays across his face.
A loud knock on the door grabs his attention. He looks over but, groans in frustration as the banging continues. "Go away!" he shouts then resumes his previous position. However, it doesn't last long when the doorknob starts to jiggle revealing the man behind the knock. Barry sits up as he looks over at the man. "Joe," he barely whispers as he grabs the couch to hold him up. "Wha- what are you doing here?"
The older man closes the door then faces the young man - staring at him. He stuffs his hands into his pockets while a heavy sigh leaves his lips. He takes in the appearance of the long-lost stranger whose face now looked similar to when Barry got out of the speed force. This time his facial hair was a bit more grown out while his hair was getting longer - the ends curling up. He shakes his head in disappointment then slowly makes his way over.
Joe takes a seat on the adjacent table stand, wipes his mouth, and licks his lips. "I'm here to check up on you. How are you holding up?"
A heavy sigh leaves Barry's lips as he looks away from his father-figure gathering his thoughts before looking back at him. "As best as I can," he shrugs his shoulders and shakes his head. "I'm here... she," he breathes as the tears build up in his eyes, a few falling down his cheek, as he lays back on the couch. "She's not," he chokes, shutting his eyes tightly with his arm laying across his face.
Tears fill Joe's eyes as he watches the young man break down before him. He reaches forward, giving his leg a gentle squeeze - a sense of comfort. "I know Bar, I know," he responds giving him a nod. "But, Bar it's been months. Months that you have locked yourself away in the loft. Months that you have avoided everyone. Months since you have disbanded the team-"
"WHAT DO YOU EXPECT FROM ME?" Barry yells in frustration, sitting up. "MY WIFE IS DEAD AND IT IS ALL MY FAULT," he cries as the tears fall faster down his face. He shakes his head, "You of all people should understand," he bitterly talks back. "She was your daughter-"
"Yes, she was. She was my baby girl," he interrupts, his voice booming through the loft. "I loved her a lot longer than you had and more than you. I lost someone very important to me too." Joe watches as the anger and frustration slowly starts to fade from Barry's face. The sound of Joe's voice and the words somehow soothing him. "I'm grieving to Bar. I understand where you are coming from but, I need you to understand it's time to move on son."
The words echo in Barry's head. He can't fully comprehend the idea of moving on - it felt too soon. Was he right? It had been six months since Iris died in the mirrorverse. His world shattered after that. Nothing made sense - his life didn't have a purpose anymore. His world moved slower now - mentally and physically. He shakes his head, "If I had been faster... if I had my speed I could of-"
Joe holds his hand up, "No Bar. Even if you had your speed I would never ask you to run back in time. We," he sighs really considering his next words before licking his lips. "We can't change the past to make our world a better place. Not at the cost of losing others along the way."
"But what about what we lost," Barry bargains. "Doesn't that matter?" his eyebrows crinkle together.
"Of course it matters son but at what cost?" Joe pushes then wipes his face with his hand before standing up, pacing the floor. "Don't you remember the last time you tried to fix the past? Cisco lost his brother, Iris and I had a strained relationship, and Caitlin got ice powers," he counts off his hand. "All for what Bar?" he shrugs his shoulder as his hands slap against his thighs.
Barry looks down at his lap, the memories of him creating flashpoint filling his mind. Then for a brief second, the mention of his dear icy friend comes to mind. The last time he saw her, she left with her mother to get better. He licks his lips as curiosity was getting the best of him. "How's Caitlin?" he breathes, his voice barely audible.
Joe instantly takes a double-take, his eyebrow scrunch together before relaxing. He gives a half-smile. "She's better, home. Cecile visits her with Allegra sometimes." He bites his lip, "They told her what happened." The speedster slowly nods his head, a sigh leaving his lips. Joe sits back down, "She's worried about you as we all are at this point."
He gulps down some build-up salvia, shaking his head. "You know the last time I saw her was the day I lost Iris," he scoffs giving a light chuckle to himself. "I think losing two people I care about is what really broke me," his voice cracks as a tear slides down his face.
There is a moment of silence as Joe watches Barry, trying to find the right words to push this young man to continue living the life he deserves. "So how about now, you start to focus on what you still have?" His eyebrow arches up, "You still have me. I will always be there for you, no matter what. This is why I am here to tell you it's time to move on with your life. To start living your life. This doesn't mean you forget what you lost but instead live on with their memory."
A tear falls down Barry's face as he looks beyond Joe as the words spill out his mouth. "But at the same time, I can't help feeling like I'm giving up on her," he voice cracking with sadness.
"Giving up?" Joe asks arching his eyebrow. Barry nods his head and Joe lets out a scoff. "Barry moving on with your life doesn't mean you are giving up on her. Iris wouldn't want you to sit and wallow for the rest of your life. Moping around for months on end won't bring her back. But how you chose to live your life, honoring her memory, will keep her alive in your heart always."
A small appears on Barry's face, the first one in months. "What do I do now?" he asks looking at the man with a reflective smile.
A deep sigh leaves his mouth followed by a chuckle, "Maybe you should start working on things that really matter. Maybe visiting a friend?" he arches his eyebrow with a smirk.
A smirk appears on Barry's face as he shakes his head. "Maybe..."
A faint knock on the door snaps Caitlin's attention away from the book she is reading. Her face scrunches in confusion but, she slowly walks over to open the door. She looks through the peephole and a smile instantly spread across her face as she quickly opens the door. "What are you doing here?" she breathes.
"I wanted to see," he softly speaks, still standing outside her door. "Can I come in?"
Her smile widens, nodding, allowing Barry inside her apartment. "It's been a while," she crosses her arms as she follows Barry back to her couch, sitting next to each other as they face one another. "How are you?" her face instantly filling with concern. "Cecile told me about Iris. I'm so sorry for your loss and I'm even more sorry for not being here for you." She places a hand on his knee, giving it a light squeeze.
He gives her a weak smile, then places his hand on top of hers, squeezing her hand. "I'm doing better. Some days are harder than others but I'm getting there." She nods her head with a slight smile. "Thank you for asking," he adds as she gives him a look saying, of' course. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when you got back. How are you feeling?"
She tilts her head to the side, observing the man in front of her. It is strange to see him with facial hair and semi-long locks. Nevertheless, she can still see her Barry in his eyes - the sweet, kind Barry with a mixture of sadness. She waves her hand back, "Please Barry, you had more important things going on than little ole me," she smiles and takes notice of the microexpression that cast across his face - disgust.
"Don't say that Cait. You are important to me. Please don't ever forget that" he pushes taking her hand into his. Noticing his quick response to Caitlin's comment, he slowly pulls back his hand and rubs the back of his neck as he looks down at his lap. "Sorry Cait, I didn't mean to snap like that."
"Don't worry about it, honest," a sweet smile on her face. "It means a lot to have a friend that cares so much."Barry looks back up at her and gives her a small smile back. She bites her lip as she lifts her eyebrows, "Now are we gonna talk about this Revenant Leonardo Dicaprio look you have going on?" she gestures to his face.
A laugh escapes his lip, the first in months, as he scratches the current beard on his face. "What? You don't like it?" She scrunches her face and shakes her head. He laughs at her reaction, "I like it. Makes look older," he chuckles.
"I prefer baby-faced Barry," she points to herself before shrugging her shoulders. "But, it's whatever you want." Her eyes twinkle as she looks lovingly at him.
He looks into her eyes and finds himself getting lost in them. A sense of lightness fills him up the longer he looks into them. He didn't dare look away. After months of being surrounded by darkness, shame, and regret, he is finally feeling full again. He licks his lips, his voice barely a whisper, "You think you can help me?" She gives him a confused look. He chuckles, "Can you give me a haircut? I think I miss baby-faced Barry too."
Caitlin bites her lip to contain her feeling but, she felt her cheeks burn. She nods her head, "Sure, I think I can help with that," she stands up, reaching out for his hand that he gladly accepts, and leads him to her bathroom.
"Barry! How much longer?"
He stands in front of a bathroom mirror, finishing up the last patch of growing facial hair. "I'm coming! Just finishing up," he yells back, grabbing a small towel to wipe any residue on his face.
The sound of running little feet catches his attention as the cutest squeal rings his ears. "Daddy!" Hurry up! We are waiting!" the little cries as she stands in the doorway, tapping her foot.
He chuckles knowing the little antic came from his wife. "I'm coming baby girl. Daddy had to look nice, especially for your mom." He picks the little girl up and rests her on his hip. "What do you think?" He gestures to his face with his free hand.
"You look very handsome! Now can we go? I want to see Papa Joe!" the little girl whines.
Barry kisses her cheek then chuckles as he walks out of the bathroom into his bedroom, "You are so your mother's daughter."
"What's wrong with that?" Caitlin asks from the doorway of their bedroom, holding their two-year-old son on her hip.
A smirk on his face, "Nothing babe, I'm just saying. You and Iris-Rose are basically twins." She smiles back and shakes her head. "I'm not complaining, I'm complimenting," he adds with a wink before kissing Caitlin's cheek. "Now, let's go."
The couple walks out hand-in-hand with a child on the respectable side. As they drive to their destination, Barry steals glances of the woman sitting in the passenger seat. A smile permanently on his face as he recalls all the memories that lead him up to this moment.
Six years ago, after feeling he lost everything one person gave him the strength to move on. He looks over at her again as they stop at a red light, this time he catches her looking over at him. He reaches over and grabs her hand to bring it up to his lips from a sweet kiss. The one person, who helped save him, once again, from himself. She was so patient, so loving, and so understanding. How could he not fall head over heels for her?
"Thank you," he smiles at her before looking back at the road.
She arches her eyebrow, "For what?"
A chuckle leaves his lips, he looks into the review mirror seeing the faces of his kids before glancing back at Caitlin. "For helping me," he starts. "For being there for me during my darkest time. For being so patient and kind to me, even when I didn't deserve it. Forgiving me those sweet faces in the back," she smiles as tears slowly start to build in her eyes. "For making me your husband. But most importantly, for being you." He looks over at her, "I love you Dr. Caitlin Snow-Allen."
"I love you, Barry Allen," she breathes. As the car stops in front of their destination, she leans over and places a sweet kiss on his lips.
His hand slips into her hair, holding her against his lips, for a longer kiss. He deepens it but, it is quickly interrupted by a slight squeal. "Ew! No kissy kissy!" the little girl whines covering her face with her hands.
The couple laughs looking at their daughter's reaction before looking back at each other. Barry, his hand slips away from her hair to cup her cheek. "Thank you, Cait, for everything you have done for me," he whispers, his thumb caressing her cheek.
She looks at him, getting lost in his eyes. "Thank you, Bar, for everything you have done for me," she bites her lip then glances over to the kids. "For us."
A smile on his face as he leans closer to speak. "Can we go inside now? Please!" Iris-Rose calls out, trying to undo her straps on her car seat. Caitlin pulls away from his hold to quickly exits the car to help their daughter out. He follows her lead, opening the door behind him to reveal a smiling little boy, Thomas Oliver. "Hey, buddy ready to go meet grandpa?" A squeal escapes his lips while Barry unhooks the straps.
Barry sets his son down and watches as he runs after his sister to the front door. Caitlin walks up behind, intertwining their hands. This catches Barry's attention and he stops them, making her face him. She giggles at his facial expression, seeing him struggle with what is on his mind. "What is it, Barry? Is something wrong?" Concern instantly filling her face.
He takes a deep breath and shakes his head, "Nothing is wrong. I just... I'm so happy where I am right now." He grabs her other hand, intertwining it, "To think, if Joe hadn't come over to push me, I wouldn't have this." He squeezes her hands, "You don't understand how much you and the kids mean so much to me. Most especially, how you picked our daughter's name." He sighs looking down, holding in his tears.
"Hey," she coos, grabbing his face. "You mean just as much to me." She licks her lips, "I understood where you were in life. It was a dark place. However, I tried my best to help guide you to a better future just like any other friend would." He looks into her eyes as her thumb grazes his cheek. "I'm just lucky you kept me by your side," she smiles.
He smiles back, pulling her in for a passionate kiss. When he pulls away he keeps her close whispering in her ear, "Always Cait."
"Always."
fin.