Chapter 6
Interlude
When I next awakened, I hardly recognized myself. My body, for so long a faulty vessel, was healed. I was still physically weak, but I no longer bruised, bled, or tired when I exerted myself.
After I was discovered lying in the garden, I was immediately moved to my guestroom, and the King's head physician was sent to attend to me. The leech came to the conclusion that I had been struck by a poisonous serpent and would not last through the night. Apparently Father raised quite the uproar, making a show of pulling at his hair and shredding his doublet. A priest sat at my side through the crisis, preparing to administer the last rites should I have suddenly slipped into death. By the next evening, the priest was praising God, Christ and the Virgin Mother for my miraculous recovery from the "serpent's venom".
When I recall how happy I was during those initial days, I want to weep. Life or fate, whichever you prefer, perhaps even God, had dealt me yet another cruel blow. So ironic that the state which brought such joy to me in my ignorance would prove to be yet another factor which would haunt me for the remainder of my very long life.
I know now that I am losing my mind. I can feel it happening, though it makes me wroth to admit this. It is too difficult to remain sane here, in this wretched place. I frequently fall into fits, screaming until my voice cracks and my throat aches. I have tried to escape, oh, countless times. I have spent hour upon hour searching the walls of my prison, repeatedly probing and prodding at the wards which seal the door tightly shut.
Every time I become hopeful enough of a chance to escape I drag myself from my thoughts and repeat my routine. First the walls, along the floor, the rats have to use some manner of entrance and exit, yes? They cannot move through walls! Oh, but these passages are too diminutive for one such as I. I scrabbled furiously at the most prominent one until my claws cracked and my fingers bled. When this method proved to be unfruitful, I was forced to return to my corner to sulk. Oh, and sulk I do, frequently! The torture I mentally inflict on myself every hour is worse than the rigors of being locked in here to starve, though I have managed to persevere. When one is hungry enough, they will eat almost anything.
Even now, as I lay still and quiet, a rat cautiously crawls towards the ruins of my fingers. I force myself to remain still, to wait for it to draw even closer. As I listen to the scrabble of its tiny claws on the stone and the humming susurrus of its heart, I feel the ache in my gums as my incisors slide from their sheaths. The rat lifts its ragged head and scents the air, whiskers twitching, dark eyes searching. Satisfied, it crawls up to me and begins nibbling at my fingertips. There! Swiftly I catch it up and snap its neck. It emits one piercing shriek before its spine is severed. Trembling now, I rip through ragged fur with my teeth and groan as warm life pours into my mouth and down my throat. I do not cease when the rodent is drained. Desperate, I slice through its stomach with my hardened claws and remove the moist organs, cramming them into my mouth and crushing them between my teeth until they, too, are dry.
When I have finished I am sated and disgusted. I turn my head to the side and spit the desiccated flesh onto the ground. The rat I toss across the cavern. It connects solidly with the door, emitting a dull thunking sound. I laugh at the stupidity of the situation. Soon enough my laughter becomes hysterical, and I sit back heavily, wrapping my arms around my chest. I don't know why I cannot seem to hold it back. I do manage to reduce my laughter to giggles, and my lungs and throat burn as I inhale, trying to catch my breath. Finally, I am forced to allow this laughter to find its own end, and I stretch out upon the ground, tears streaming from my eyes, face burning. Oh, I want out of here! Would I have been so insubordinate, so bold had I known how difficult and painful this imprisonment would be? Would I have compromised my ethics in order to spare myself torment? I am no longer certain that I would have, and it is this knowledge which frightens and haunts me more than the cold or the damp, the hunger and pain, even the complete separation from the one person I love.
Is she still alive? Is she still waiting? Walter has stolen my beloved from me as surely as he has stolen away countless others, only it is I, not she, who is imprisoned in this hell. How long has it been since I was thrown in here and left to rot? How long has she been waiting for my return? I cannot even count the days, for it is always night here. Even the order of nature has been warped to suit Walter's desires.
There is a slight opening behind the altar which lies within this ancient cavern. The light of the moon seeps through this solitary window, though even this sight has been perverted, and the once beautiful silver light is red and sickly. The gates which partitioned the shrine from the rest of the cavern did not deter me for long. I twisted them in a rage the first night I was imprisoned here, and they now lean crookedly and unsteadily from their hinges. Ah, Walter, I still cannot understand this.
If I had enough blood in my parched veins to awaken my dormant heart it would surely be racing at this moment. I feel the old rage rising through me, and I angrily push myself to my feet and stride towards the center of the cavern. Inhaling deeply, I raise my arms slowly, watching as my swords rise with the motion of my body. It is a simple task to exert another slight push, and my heels leave the ground, followed slowly by my toes. The only force holding me aloft is my own will. What a pity, a great shame that I had not been this strong before, when I had needed that strength to succeed.
Concentrating deeply now, I rotate the swords until their blades lay parallel to the ground. With a sharp flick of my right wrist, the blades hurtle forth, one by one, piercing an imaginary foe. A jerk of my left wrist brings them quickly to heel, whereupon they are sent forth once more. I close my eyes and grasp a hold of the air, shaping it into a likeness of my enemy. There, now I can judge the accuracy of my aim. Illusions are easy work for any vampire, but they only work to fool the uninitiated humans. Walter had once laughed at my illusions, berating me for being a 'damned sentimental fool' when he had caught me shaping a likeness of my beloved. I dare not even whisper her name in my mind, for fear of the pain it brings me. I have long since ceased shaping her from dust and moonlight, for the sight of her face as an untouchable illusion is a torment I would rather not endure.
Walter's doppelganger sneers at me, curling its lip upwards in feigned disgust. I well remember that look, and the moonlight gleams on my sword's blade as it slices cleanly through his neck. Trembling with hatred, I clench my fists into my robe and push my rage into my next offence. My vision darkens into a narrow passage as I cease my hand motions, directing only with my eyes. Four swords pierce through illusory flesh, making a pincushion of my target. It falls into moonbeams and dust once more, and my swords return to my sides, thrumming contentedly.
Have you forgotten me, Walter? I have not forgotten you. You cannot keep me here forever, I will escape even if I must wait for judgment day, and when that day arrives I will finally live my life; after ensuring your death.
I lower myself and my armaments once more to the chilled stone as a headache brought on by hunger and exertion pulses behind my weary eyes. If only I could charm animals…the rats would come to me in droves and I might have enough blood from them to escape. I run my tongue gingerly over my parched lips, seeking for any droplets that I might have missed. Of course, there are none. I believe that I would readily pounce upon one of those noxious fish creatures were it to stumble in here. My veins ache as I drag myself across the floor and into my patch of moonlight, where I curl into a tight, miserable ball. As I stare absently at the ever youthful face reflected in the blades surrounding me, I drift once more into my memories.