Chapter X

"Out of the question." Walter's tone was flat, his eyes uncompromising. "This is not what was agreed to, and I will not make an exception."

It was dusk, the last of the sun's rays reaching through the branches of the trees resembled the bright streamers of celebrants at a parade, but the occurrences this eve were anything but merry. Joachim fumed, the pleasant mood he had brought with him dissipating like smoke as Walter turned his back to the younger vampire, putting an end to the discussion. The fading light reflected from his red hair, setting it ablaze. Joachim thought, rather unkindly, that his maker resembled Lucifer as he must have appeared before the Fall. Beautiful to look upon, but possessed of a corrupt heart and nature.

"And why not, Walter?" Joachim demanded. "Why should I not be allowed to spend the space of a few months with my lover?" He threw his arms up in disgust. "If I have eternity, why should a few months matter?"

Walter whirled about to face him once more, and his lips curled upwards in a sneer. "Oh, my ignorant friend. What will you do when the hunger seizes you in its remorseless grip? And it will." Walter clasped his gloved hands behind his back and paced around Joachim, so that the nobleman was forced to twist hither and yon to keep the agitated vampire in sight.

"Why will I not allow it? Because I know what it is like to be deprived of sustenance. The hunger is like a madness, Joachim. It affects the mind, clouds judgment and rationale. Loved ones become mere animals, prey for the beast within us. I will not allow you to remain here because you have proved incapable of caring for yourself. You rely entirely upon me for sustenance, like a babe at its mother's breast, and I grow tired of it!" Walter drew close to Joachim, crossing his arms before his chest in fatherly admonition. "Prove to me that you are capable of seeing to your own needs, and I will seriously consider granting your request."

Joachim became instantly suspicious. He shrugged his hair from his eyes as he considered Walter's offer. "What proof do you require?"

Walter spread his hands and smiled. "Why, show me that you are capable of seeing the hunt through to the end." His smile faded and a dangerous light smoldered within his eyes. "Prove to me that you are capable of killing, Joachim. Be true to your nature."

"How do you suppose," Joachim spat from between clenched teeth, "that I managed to feed myself today?"

Walter stared at his charge for a moment before tossing his head back and laughing with genuine humor. "By the ancestors! Joachim! This is nearly too embarrassing! My boy, the blood of chickens will not sustain you forever!" He sobered, "Do you recall that sensation you felt on the night of your transition? The unquenchable thirst?" Joachim nodded warily. "That is what you will feel if you allow your diet to consist solely of the blood of animals. And it will happen quickly, within two weeks time. You wouldn't want to turn on your pretty maid in a fit of hunger, would you?"

"Of course not!" Joachim shuddered. "So. It is completely necessary to consume the blood of humans?" Walter lifted his eyebrows and blinked, not deigning to answer the obvious question. Joachim sighed in exasperation. "The thought of it sickens me. Is there no way to take their blood without killing them?"

"Do you wish to create more of our kind? No. You must drain them, and if you cannot then you must kill them to prevent the creation of another vampire."

Joachim shook his head, refusing to admit defeat. "But if I were to perhaps open a vein and drain what I needed into a vessel of some kind, no one need die."

Walter had stooped over as Joachim pondered aloud, and he straightened, throwing a clump of grass and dirt at Joachim's head. The nobleman cursed as it connected with his temple, and he glared hatefully at his sire.

Walter returned his stare. "Oh, and I'm sure that the denizens of this lovely hamlet would offer up their blood willingly, never mind that you are an unholy predator who needs to be hunted down. I am certain they will be glad to aid you." Walter clasped his hands and fawned mockingly as Joachim brushed the dust from his hair and clothes. He enjoyed their verbal sparring. It was a match he was certain he would win.

"But could they not be enthralled? You nearly caused me to forget your assault! For a long while I was certain it was naught but a fever dream."

"And you are mature enough in our ways to enthrall humans, yes?" Walter snorted. "What you mean is that I am capable of the thrall, and would I be so kind as to clean up all of your messes since killing makes you nauseous? No, I will not. You could become capable of that particular trick, but it will not come easy, and I would need to instruct you in its execution. Which I cannot do, since you want to stay here, and I need to return home." Walter scraped soil from beneath his nails before he absently began chewing upon them, moving away from Joachim as he did so. "Your accompanying me is the only logical solution. I'm tired of arguing with you, Joachim. You are behaving like a stupid child. Prove that you can care for yourself and keep your condition a secret, and I will allow you to remain here for as long as is possible. If the hunger seizes you, I shall wait until you have sated your thirst upon your loved ones before I drag you after me. Peacefully or not." Walter turned one last time to look at Joachim. "And if you incite the blood lust of a crowd of enraged peasants you are entirely on your own." He smiled wickedly, flashing his opalescent fangs as his form dissipated into mist and dispersed on the night winds.

Joachim cursed and raked his fingers through his wind tousled hair, kicking at the scrub as he did so. He turned on his heel and set off for home at a brisk pace, his mind laboring frantically for a solution, but incapable of finding one. He closed his eyes and shook his head sadly, wrapping his arms around his chest miserably as he retraced the path home through the trees.

I'm sorry Norgard. I've muddled everything yet again.

Norgard was waiting for his return, and she frowned when he closed the door and leaned against it wearily. "Well. What did the Devil's Right Hand have to say?"

Joachim's eyes flicked upwards, and he grinned briefly. "Somehow, I have the notion that neither of you would get along very well." He spoke briefly, passing on to her the information he had obtained from Walter.

"And you believe him?" She queried, one eyebrow raised in speculation

Joachim exhaled and held his arms out briefly before dropping them to his sides once more. "I'm not exactly eager to test the truth of the matter." He shuddered and looked at her askance. She was chewing on a length of her hair, and her forehead was creased in concentration. He massaged his scalp wearily and took a seat before the fireplace. The flames rose and fell in a bright, intricate dance. Joachim stared at the fire, transfixed by the simple wonder and beauty within such an unobtrusive place.

"Norgard." Joachim began. "I've been meaning to ask you something. Well, several things, and..."

"Do you have a cup?" The question was so unexpected that Joachim could only stare at her for a moment.

"Pardon?"

She turned to look at him as she pulled a paring knife from her apron. "A cup, man! And hurry before I lose my nerve!"

Norgard had eaten supper in his absence, and the tray and dishes were still sitting on the table. He swiped up the unused goblet, noting with amusement that she must have drunk directly from the milk jug. The wine was untouched, however, and he briefly wondered why, but Norgard's impatient growl interrupted his thoughts.

"You aren't about to do what I think, are you?" Joachim yelped, a bare second before she drew the blade swiftly across a vein in her wrist. Her face paled considerably, but she gamely massaged her arm, ceasing only when the goblet was filled. She spoke the entire time, more to distract herself than anything else. "I told you we'd find some way to beat this. It's just one more of life's hills, and there's always a means of climbing a hill. Besides, " she laughed, "it's better this way. Don't need you rampaging and killing folk, do we?"

"This situation feels more like a mountain than a hill, Norgard." Joachim sighed as she pressed the goblet's stem into his palm, wrapping his fingers about it. The sight of its contents made his stomach growl and flooded his veins with heat. He swallowed and gave her a smile which was intended to comfort the both of them. It failed. He brought the goblet's rim to his lips and tossed back its contents quickly, ashamed that she had to witness this sacrilegious act. He set the goblet aside and cleared his throat.

"Norgard. While I commend and love you for your courage, I cannot live by taking from you. It wouldn't be fitting, and it isn't fair to you." He raised a hand to forestall her response. "Please listen to me. This is an uncomfortable subject, so I won't speak about it again. As far as I am concerned, the base nature of the vampire is foul and unholy." Joachim sighed and seemed to be searching for the right words. "Even though I suppose it's possible for me to live by sustaining myself with what you offer, I'm, I cannot describe it. It makes me feel as though I'm sullying you!" He was pleading with her now, attempting to reach her, to make her understand. "You're my lover, Norgard, not my food."

Norgard stuffed her fist into her mouth, and for a moment Joachim feared that he had caused her pain. His frustration was palpable when her face turned red with suppressed laughter. "Food? I'm glad I'm not food to you!" She snorted, and then raised her hands in a placating gesture as Joachim silently fumed. "Oh, Joachim! I understand! It's just, well, words don't fit these situations very well. Food indeed!"

"Before you try to change the subject again, I have a few things I want to discuss with you."

"Won't you be finishing up with why I'm not food?" She cackled.

Joachim sniffed. "No. That was your only chance to hear it, but you didn't want to listen. Besides, this whole situation is far too serious for idle jests. We need to find a solution, or I might be gone before the next week is out!"

She sobered immediately. "I know." she sighed, eyes downcast. She held both hands before her, fingers spread in a gesture indicative of confusion. She smiled wryly. "I've always relied on laughter to see me through the bad times, because if I lose sight of those times which were joyful I lose myself too."

Joachim reflected on her words and tried to reach deeper, to more fully understand his lover. She is not accustomed to showing either grief or weakness. That doesn't mean she is never troubled by them.

His gaze settled on her. "I understand." he said simply. "But you can't be responsible for everything. I know that at this moment I've been placed on that lengthy list but, Norgard, you cannot be caretaker to everyone."

He smiled warmly, hoping to dull the seriousness of his remark, and Norgard dropped her eyes, clenching and unclenching her callused fingers. "I've cared well enough for myself and my brother. I think I'm capable of keeping an eye on you."

Joachim shook his head and reached out to squeeze her arm reassuringly. "I never said that you weren't capable of that. What I'm trying to explain is that you can't blame yourself if this whole scenario should take a turn for the worse. These events are out of your sphere of influence." He exhaled in frustration. "Just because the gods and the fates have placed my destiny in my lap doesn't mean my path will be any easier. If anything, it will be more difficult!" He paused once more, trying to make her understand. "Whatever aid you give me is deeply appreciated, but you shouldn't feel guilty if this doesn't work out the way we hope it will. I will have to find my own way if that should happen."

Norgard watched him sorrowfully. "And what if you can't find that path on your own?"

Joachim's brow set stubbornly. "Then," he said with conviction, "I will simply have to make my own."

"And just look at where it landed you!" I curse my reflection. "You've done well, haven't you?" My laughter is nothing more than a weak splutter which tapers off into a heavy silence. I detest waking. I spend more and more time in the reverie, the dreamlike state of a vampire who sleeps at night. I haven't experienced a true sleep in . . . how long have I been here?

And it's all your doing, Walter! Give me but one day to rest. One cycle of the sun to slip into death's embrace and forget that to live is to experience Hell.

Walter and his games. I rub my eyes in irritation and snarl. I don't want to dream anymore. I remember what happened not soon after I spoke those words. I remember when my life began to slip. I don't want to remember anymore.

And to think, we were so happy. Yes, happy! It was of little consequence that the circumstances were not in our favor. We were young and so in love that we could not focus overlong on anything but each other.

I look down at my hands, spreading out my fingers. Everything these hands touch falls into ruin. My mother died for me. My father, though I harbored no love for him, only pity and, in the end, only hatred. My lover. Gods, my love, waiting still. And how many innocents?

Oh, but there is no such thing as an innocent. We all have our faults, our petty crimes and hatreds. Still, a child is innocent, always. I cannot forget that woman in the hamlet on the day I arrived home. I understand what she wanted. She yearned for a miracle, but I had none to give. She wished for hope, but I had wasted it all on myself, and had none left for her. It still pains me. To lose a child. One would do anything to prevent it. Even bargain with the Devil. Why am I still dwelling on this?

I strike myself sharply on the head and grimace. Best not to think about it, it isn't as though it can be remedied now. I wish . . . for many things. Ending this tragedy is one of them.

I suppose I'll have to go on with it though. I stretch my legs out and twist my stiffened ankles, listening to the faint sound of bone popping as it shifts. I close my eyes and try to remember without feeling pain.

Maybe I didn't understand her then when she spoke of laughter and of self. I understand now. Now that my most joyful memories bring only sorrow. I've lost my laughter, and I've lost my self.

A trickle of awareness slides over my skin, and I rise, turning to face the door. One by one the wards slip away, and the door swings inwards slowly, rusty hinges creaking in protest at being awakened after so long a slumber.

I feel power slip over me, restraining my gifts. I will a sword to rise, to shake, anything. The metal remains still, its only movement the flicker of moonlight as a cloud drifts somewhere overhead. I am simply too weak and malnourished to bother. I don't even possess the blood lust, for I am long past the starvation point. My body is focused only on retaining what it has, stretching out what little time remains. If ever I should starve completely, then I pray Walter severs my head from my shoulders, or tosses me out for some peasant to finish the job. A drained vampire lies fully aware of its pain, suffering greatly but unable to move until it is either nourished with blood or beheaded. At the moment, I cannot say which is more pleasant.

I know who it is before I see him, and with a sigh that sounds exhausted even to me I fall back to the ground. Why bother standing or paying him respects? I don't have the energy to bother, even if he did deserve it. He will never merit respect, certainly not from me.

"Joachim? Are you awake?" I roll my eyes as he calls out. A few seconds later the toe of a boot prods my side. So now I am a dog? I decide to have a bit of sport. What else can he do to me? Beat me? Kill me? Please do. Death would be something.

"Oh, it's you, is it?" I drawl in the most convincing monotone I can muster.

"Joachim. Ever the insolent pup. You should know to stand in the presence of your betters." The prodding becomes sharper, and I feel the echo of pain as my ribs creak. I roll over so that I can look up at him and see the irritation written on his face.

" Hello Walter. My. You look the same as the last time I set eyes on you."

"And you look like hell. Get up."

Your attire, "I wheeze, "is particularly ridiculous tonight. Where under the stars did you find such a stupid garment?" He has bedecked himself entirely in red. It would not be so gaudy if he were garbed in a tunic or robe, but for some unfathomable reason Walter has decided on plate mail. "Are you masquerading, Walter? What are you playing at? Ah! Perhaps an unholy knight? Yes, the vampire knight! Well, at least you were original enough to avoid donning black armor. That theme is sorely overdone."

Walter cannot ignore this stab at his vanity. With a muffled curse he snatches me up by my neck, lifting me until his face is inches from mine. Anger suffuses his features. "I am beginning to wonder why I bother to pay you any visits at all." He grates.

I smile blankly. "Why, I've no idea. We haven't gotten along for ages. Can it be that you wish to shake my hand and free me? No, that doesn't sound like you at all. Why are you here, anyway?" He says nothing, content to observe as I struggle to breathe. He could snap my neck at any moment, and he is well aware of it. The silence makes my skin crawl. To stave off the discomfort I rattle on.

I smile endearingly. "I'm sorry to be such a poor host. I would offer you a rat, but they seem to be avoiding me lately." I pat his cheek and he strikes my face with the back of one gloved fist. Now I can feel the pain. At least it's something.

I decide to end the game. "What do you want, Walter? Have you come to laugh at me? Torment me? Do you have a twisted new game you wish to play?" I snarl at him, baring my teeth in a crazed grimace. He regards me silently for a brief moment before dropping me to the floor and turning on his heel. This is all a part of the game. He'll tell me when he's ready, but he wants me to wait in suspense first. Wants me to hope that he might be merciful and free me. I don't believe that for a moment.

Walter stops for a moment, hands weaving gracefully before his chest as he readies the wards. He smiles at me over his shoulder and finishes his preparations. As he strides confidently through the archway, the carcass of a rat bounces from the back of his head and becomes entangled in his curls. Walter turns to glare at me, his mouth open in surprise as he fumbles to remove the rotting bits and pieces from his hair. Laughter bubbles up from somewhere deep within me. A place I had forgotten existed.

I give him a real smile this time. It has been quite a while since I was truly amused. The door slams shut with chilling finality, though I take some comfort in the fact that my laughter harried him on his way out. He'll be back, I reassure myself as I settle in for another span of solitude. He'll be back for more punishment, he can't keep himself from meddling with lives or emotions.

I find myself grinning eagerly. I love to irritate the one I despise, but more than that, it feels good to have a purpose which excludes killing. My true goal feels so unattainable at this moment. Irritating Walter is a welcome diversion, though he deserves much worse. Why not make his life a living Hell before I end it? The thought makes me chuckle.

Perhaps I have not lost my self after all.