Let You Go

Disclaimer: Nah, don't own Bleach. Wish I did, but nope.

I do not like to reminisce about the past. Never did. Never will. Because all it held for me were hunger, poverty, sickness, and death. My past also reminded me of my own inability to save my friends as I stood on the sidelines watching each of them fade away. I hated my past.

"I was told I would be adopted by the Kuchiki family."

Then that damn noble had to take her away. The Rukongai street rats – we were called – were like my family. But Kuchiki Byakuya had to deny me the last bond that I could hold on to. He stripped away all that was left of my bleary past and left me with nothing to my name.

"Alright! Rukia! The Kuchikis are the biggest nobles around. Once you're adopted, you'll live like a queen! Damn! I'm getting jealous! I'm so envious, it bites!"

Why did I act so damn happy about it? Sensitivity was never one of my stronger points. Hence, I missed the pain in her eyes as she watched me. I thought she would be happy being adopted. We never ever had a proper meal as kids, and being a Kuchiki could certainly give her that. I didn't want to hold her back. I didn't want to be a weed impeding the growth of a beautiful rose. How could I be so stupid?

"That's just great! Great!"

"I see…Thanks…"

I knew I lost her then, when she removed my hand from her shoulder with a whispered thanks. When she turned away with a tear in her eyes and walked out of my life forever, I knew I had committed the biggest mistake, letting her go. It was too late to take back what I had so readily given up.

You must never interfere.

I could not snatch Rukia back. I could only watch from a distance. My failure to save my friends pushed me to train harder. I did not want to lose another person due to my own ineptitude. But Fate had a way of rearing its head when it gave me another chance to snatch Rukia back. I told myself never to give in to weakness because then, I would lose another person, and another part of my life. So I tried my hardest to extricate Rukia from the human world, and away from that brat. I was so consumed in my own power that I masked all emotions behind my tattooed demeanor, all the while failing to see the hurt mirrored in her eyes as she struggled against me.

"I'm…Honestly…Still a tainted stray mutt down to the very core. Simply howling at the heavens without the guts to leap forward."

For a long while, I convinced myself that the person responsible for Rukia's impending death was the orange-haired brat standing before me, but I can no longer hide behind the walls I've erected around myself. I had to recognize that I was the one who cut the bonds between us. I was the one who let her go.

"Kurosaki! Please save Rukia!"

I never had to beg before in my life. Whatever I did not have, I stole. I saw begging as a sign of weakness. I was proud. But now I realized that pride wasn't a strength, rather, humility was. I know that now. That's why I know that I can never save Rukia by my own strength alone. My past was nothing to be desired. Rukia was the only rainbow in that monochromatic world. The only bright light in my otherwise dark past. But rainbows were never meant to be kept in a jar. Lights were never meant to be stifled. The day I let her go, Rukia was never again, mine to claim.

"Kurosaki! Please save Rukia!"

"Yeah."

Author: I'm still rather new at all these fan fiction stuff, so I hope I managed to portray Renji as true to the character as possible.