Title:
And If
Prompt:
#04, Inertia
Character/Pairings: Addison, Finn,
Derek/Meredith, Derek/Addison
Disclaimer:
All characters recognized belong to Shonda Rimes and co, ABC and
anyone else who has claim to them. No copyright or trademark
infringement is intended. No money is being made off this work.
Lyrics at the end of the fic are a hybrid from (Inertia – The
Exies) and (Inertia – Vacant Stare)
Rating:
13, mostly for foul language
Word
Count: 1,402 words
Spoilers: 2.27 – 'Losing My
Religion'
Notes:
Written for the philosophy20 challenge at LJ.
"The
characteristic of matter whereby a stationary entity remains
stationary unless acted upon by an outside force.
-Wordplay:
The Philosophy, Art, and Science of Ambigrams, John Langdon
Addison Shepherd can't move.
Can't think.
Can't breathe.
She just … can't.
Her brain freezes in that perfect moment of clarity and ohjustthere it clicks into place.
The music pouring out of the makeshift dance floor fades out completely. She can't hear anything, not even her heartbeat, because she can't move.
Her eyes remain locked on the two figures in front of her, and she doesn't want to be watching this.
She blinks, because no one can involuntarily go that long without blinking, and is surprised to feel a tear slip down her cheeks.
She mourns for the tear and for the fact that she can actually cry when she can't seem to breathe. But she isn't seeing black spots in her vision, so she isn't dead yet. She wants them though, she thinks. Because then she could pass out and forget the whole fucking ohgodderekplease thing.
She thinks she should flinch when the cry leaves the room and filters into her ears, seeping through layers of gauze. But she is Addison Shepherd and she'll be damned if some little intern was going to make her flinchcryscream.
So the redhead watches them, and her reflection in the glass.
Derek's hands in her hair, her lips on his neck and pale green eyes staring blindly. His hoarse groan breaks the silence, her moans echo around her and she fights the urge to retch.
Was this what he'd gone through when he'd caught her with Mark?
She slams the door shut on that line of thought and smirks humourlessly. At least she can think, right?
It's not such a good thing, though.
She watches the intern notmeredithpromisnever scratch her nails down her husbands back and wonders how Derek thinks he's going to explain this to her later tonight.
Her name leaves his lips in a muffled shout, and it breaks Addison.
The hurt splinters through her wall and she recoils as if she's just been slapped. This hurts worse than anything truly physicalever could. She watches them slump around each other and suddenly it's become very very important that she can'tfuckingbreathe.
She tries to gasp, to suck in that one quick breath of air but she chokes on her tongue and she can't breathe, can't move.
Because she will not let them find her watching them like this. There's only so much a woman can take of her husband sniffing at his mistress' hair while they were at fucking work and to have everyone look at her, half decidedly happy that Satan was getting hers, and the other half wishing that MeredithfreakingGrey would get over her problems already. That alone is humiliating enough – the last thing she needs is for the next big thing in their sordid little triangle to be that the wife had watched the husband screw the mistress.
She wills her legs to move because they're starting to and god, why can't she MOVE?
"No." The words are said from behind her, incredulous, desperate, betrayed. She wants to turn around to face the catalyst for this mess, but she still can't move and she just needs to get away from here. He moves next to her, and it's as if he's disrupted the vacuum around her because she can finally breathe. She sucks in the air greedily, desperate. She can sense his eyes on her, but she can't tear her own from the scene in font of her.
His hand reaches for her, settles on her arm. She can feel the shock radiating from him, and she can't help but feel sorry for this man who has gotten entangled into the train wreck that was AddisonDerekMeredith. When he pulls her away from the room she doesn't struggle. She can move. He pulls her down the corridor, away from the room, away from the prom and she knows he has no idea where he is going.
She tenses at the hitched sound his breathing makes and she finally looks at him. She isn't surprised to see the dark look on his face, but the raw grief throws her for a loop. She hadn't thought that they'd been that serious. He senses her gaze and looks at her and shrugs.
"I had plans." He laughs, bitterly. "I told her I had plans, and she says she needs air." She looks at him, understanding, but not sympathetic.
After all, it's her husband that they had just watched screw the little blonde.
She opens her mouth, as if to say something, but simply closes it again.
There is nothing to say.
It could be all about karma, but it's not. She fucked Mark, Derek had a fling with Meredith, he said he'd try to make this marriage work, but there he is, fucking Meredith Grey, not giving a thought to the fact that he'd invited his wife to the freaking PROM.
She thinks that this dance maybe the only thing that will uproot the memory of Skppy Gold and Star Wars from her mind as the worst prom ever. Because, seriously?
The feeling only intensifies when a slightly worried looking Dr. Torres stops in front of her. She only knows her as the orthopaedic resident and as O'Malley's girlfriend. She's heard the drama with the hand washing thing and can only despair at the idiocy of jealous friends. However, she can't think of a single reason why she would be stopping in front of her, looking at her reddened eyes curiously.
"Dr. Shepherd?" They both hear the growl leave Finn's throat at the name, and while Callie only blinks, she smiled sadly. The next words out of Callie's mouth bring shutters over her eyes, and a quickly indrawn breath from Finn. "Have either of you seen Meredith? It's Izzie Stevens."
Addison blinks and realises she's been clenching her fist. What was wrong with Izzie? The dark haired woman in front of her looks uncomfortable, and she realises that she's spoken aloud. She stops Callie from speaking and motions towards the corridor from whence they had came.
She watches Dr. Torres walk down the aisle and wonders if the two have separated yet. A minute later, she stands with Finn as Meredith bolts from the room, Callie tugging at the back of her dress. They stand silently, and make their way to the foyer of the hospital where she sees Richard looking at her with concerned eyes.
So she grabs a couple of programmes, thrusts one at Finn and starts to laughingly point something out. She pleads with him to understand silently, and maybe he knows that that was her husband in that room, because he smiles back at her, a teasing grin that doesn't reach his eyes.
When she notices Derek ambling towards her from the corner of her eye, she turns to Finn and utters a swift warning under the guise of laughter. They will not make a scene, not here, not now. Tonight is for Richard and Camille, and while she is certain that Finn knows neither, he knows enough not to ruin the night for a dying teenager.
So they laugh, and when she senses him near, she turns around slowly, letting the laughter die from her face. He stands in front of her, has the gall to stand in front of her and pretend. She was going to kill him once this whole thing was over.
Later, when it had seemed like hours had past, while in reality it had only been a minute since Izzie had quit, she looks back at the three of them standing there. She has a short stab of happiness at the look on Meredith's face before her heart shatters again.
She thinks of not breathing, not moving. She pauses, her breath caught.
She hears them say her name, one insistent, one questioning. She watches him step back, sees the disgust creep over his face as she exhales.
And she walks away.
/…this
is the time when all old things will pass
if
i was falling for another
inertia
comes around
and
if i descend without desire
inertia
comes around…
and
if i was falling for you
i'd
say the words that break my fall
if
i was lying for another
and
if i was falling for you now…/
Fin