The Expectant Father Cathy McCakill
Chapter 1
Lois was hiding something. It was something big and Clark knew it. Superman didn't have spider senses that tingled like his friend Peter Parker, but he knew none the less. Clark and Lois had never purchased anything over $600 dollars without consultation with the other. Lois had written two $500 checks to a Dr. Rubin within six weeks of each other. Dr. Rubin's name was vaguely familiar to Clark but he could not place the man or woman. He knew that Dr. Rubin was not Lois' gynecologist or therapist. It was not that Clark begrudged her the money. It was the principle of the matter. Little secrets grew into full grown ugly ones. Clark thought that the idea of not keeping secrets was almost tantamount to the Lord's warning to spouses to not go to bed angry. Clark had weaseled out of confronting Lois by dwelling on her unprecedented good mood.
Lois had taken to wearing red. He saw and applauded it in her lingerie, but she purchased five red business suits and tubes and tubes of different shades of red lipstick. Clark had to admit that her most recent shade complimented her coloring but it was a bite too come-hither for his taste. The weaseling was to stop tonight. Clark reserved a table at Le Mona just for the occasion. He knew that a few glasses of wine wouldn't boaster his courage. His hope was that it would make his wife more amiable. Lois entered the dimly lit room. Several heads of men turned as she walked towards her husband wearing a big grim. He watched as one wife gave a husband a jab in the ribs with her sharp slender elbow. A waiter missed a goblet and poured the vintage wine into an artificial Palm tree.
"Clark, honey do you like it?" giggled Lois as she turned around to reveal the backless scarlet sliver of a dress. Her long auburn hair covered the halter top which tied at the base of her neck. The dress appeared to be just hanging by a thread. The right side of the dress featured a slit which stopped at the top of Lois's thigh. Clark suppressed the urge to fuse it together with his heat vision. He gulped and felt embarrassed about his visceral reaction to her appearance.
"One, two, three, four, and five" whispered Lois seductively into her husband's ear.
"What's the whispering all about?" whispered Clark back into his wife's ear.
"I bet myself another tube of lipstick that my outfit would keep you speechless for five seconds," purred Lois.
"When you're right you're right" smirked her husband.
"I ordered your favorite wine," winked Clark and felt Lois' bare toe slide up his leg. Lois winked back and pouted. He felt himself levitate an inch or so from the chair. Lois laughed softly and leaned over the table so that only a fourth of an inch or so of fabric covered her cleavage.
"Love are your intentions honorable? I know that you flew the kids to Smallville for the weekend and my parents are babysitting on Monday and Tuesday. Are you attempting to get me inebriated as well?" Lois knew that Clark could hear her but his chocolate brown eyes were riveted to her cleavage. She breathed in deeply tossed her long brown hair and exhaled slowly. Other parts of Clark were levitating now. His wife crossed her curvy legs and exhaled in what seem to be slow motion as several threads along the precarious slit popped. The tawny thigh seemed about to escape from its confines. Clark reached across the table at super speed and caught what he thought would be the last thread between Lois' undoing and his. He tried to slip her thigh into its crimson proper place, but the waiter arrived and caught him massaging his wife' ample right thigh.
"Perhaps I should take your order for food later sir. You seem to have started with the appetizer," said the jaded blonde waiter curtly.
"Its part of my marathon training. He has to help me prepare for the ten K next week," Lois blushed and smiled convincingly at the waiter.
"Right. Right. Of course, I wish you well with that," The waiter rolled his blues at the lie and retreated to the kitchen. Clark was beginning to ache and he couldn't seem to control his actions or reactions. He had that enthralled glint in his eyes.
"Clark I need that thigh, right now they're a set," Lois grinned and sat back in her chair.
"Maybe later. I could…What am I saying honey? …I apologize of course. What's gotten a hold of me?" Clark stammered.
"I don't know what has a hold of you now, flyboy, but I guarantee to have a hold of all of you later." said Lois flirting with her husband. She once again slid her toe up his thigh and leaned over towards Clark. Her big toe was almost in his lap.
Clark felt like Popeye, "I've took all I could take and I can't take no more," Clark motioned for the waiter, gave him a huge tip and placed his arm possessively around his wife's slender waist and walked as fast as possible out the door. Clark did not wait for a taxi. Clark did not wait to whoosh into his Superman outfit. He only stepped into a run and flew into the humid summer night. He heard Lois giggling all the way home.
Chapter 2
Lois hastily hung her slither of a dress into her closet. The dress had the desired effect on her husband. She pulled out the lace teddy that Clark bought her for their honeymoon ten years ago. He had purchased her the same style teddy every year of their marriage. The first year was their honeymoon. Her birthday was the occasion for the second year. His birthday for the third. Mother's Day was the fourth. Father's day was the reason for the gift the fifth year. Valentine's Day followed by Arbor Day and then Sweetest Day, which Clark said he read about on an Ohio web site, Columbus Day and Washington's Birthday and this year it was Dr. Martin Luther King's birthday. He painstaking explained how husbands and wives were free to show love to each. Her husband was a hunk and inventative.
Lois was pouting and applying a fresh layer of crimson red lipstick when Clark entered their dimly lit bedroom. Lipstick was not needed as a part of foreplay for Clark. In the heat of the moment, Clark's body temperature rose and melted it from Lois' lips. The wax based nuisance ended up on Clark's chest, Lois' chest which was a very good thing for Clark or on the linen or the carpet depending upon the level of passion they shared. Several times it stuck to the ceiling and it took a lot of creative thought to sale his explanation to their teenage son and daughter. Lois' mother didn't buy it but bit her tongue and humored her son-in-law.
Lois pouted her ruby lips again and parted them slightly. Clark could feel her sucking him into her wet delicious abode. He leaned closer to her, giddy with passion. He parted his lips. He waited.
"Clark, how can you be with me for over 48 hours and not notice them? Do they look fabulously larger and plump? Don't you just want to pinch them and kiss them," Lois pulled slightly away from her confused husband inhaled and pouted her lips.
"I thought your breasts looked bigger. I didn't think implants were safe" Weren't they recalled?" Clark commented with concern.
"That's not it! Try again." demanded Lois.
"Your hair is longer. You're wearing a weave? Clark enjoyed playing twenty questions.
"No." stated Lois flatly.
"False eye lashes?"
"No" stated Lois disinterested.
"Lifts?"
"No"
" A girdle"
"Negative.'
He was desperate and tried of playing the game. He wanted to move to the next level of intimacy before Lois became too tired. Fatigue was the enemy. "I love you honey. Just tell me so we can…you know." Clark raised his eye brow suggestively.
"You won't get what you want until I get what I want." shouted Lois and pulled her robe over the red hot teddy and went into the bathroom. He knew there was not enough cold water in the Artic to cool down his passions tonight. For a fleeting moment he thought about feigning Kryptonite poisoning as a means to lull her into his bed. "Malcolm X was right sometimes you have to win the prize' by any means necessary.,"
"Honey please come out I apologize for being so blind and insensitive. Forgive me," Clark let his body slid down the bathroom door for added effect.
"Been there done that. You used that tactic last Friday. Remember?" sarcasm filled his wife's voice.
He looked through the door and saw her reapplying her lipstick. She made kissing sounds with her lips. His brain popped on. "You're lips you have new lips," shouted her husband with joy.
"Well, yea." said Lois nonchalantly through the door. She opened the door yawning, kissed her husband on the nose and slipped into bed wearing her long legged cotton red pajamas. She had her four beer can size rollers in her hair. "Night honey I love you," whispered Lois to her husband. She curled up in his arms and fell asleep. Clark heard Lois snore as if she were a character out of the comic strips.
Chapter 3
Clark rinsed the last of the pink bile down the white porcelain bathroom sink. He knew the vomiting was the result of the pink and white Kryptonite. Apparently King Pen had planned to eliminate both Superman and Batman in one maneuver. Bruce Wayne foiled the scheme, but not before shods of the substance exploded and landed in Clark's groin area. Bernie's savvy had figured a way to remove the large pieces but he theorized that the others would slowly absorb into his skin and be eliminated over time. Clark promised Bernie to report any anomalies in the process.
Clark heard Lois softly knocking on the bathroom door. "Clark, baby I'm sorry for falling asleep. I know I left you hanging out there last night, I apologize honey. Maybe we can go flying tonight? Honey open the door, please." Clark could imagine Lois pouting seductively.
Clark opened the door, kissed his wife and tapped her teasingly on her rear as she turned to get dressed. "I'm not angry, just disappointed, but I hope the flying thing works out tonight." Clark confessed giving Lois his best puppy dog look. "Do you think we'll wrap up that King Pen story today? Metropolis has enough criminals without importing them from Gotham. I hope Peter Parker keeps his undesirables in New York," said Clark using his 'bounce the heat vision laser beam off the mirror' trick to shave. He thought about growing a bread just to try a different look. Distracted his last beam remained a little too long on his cheek. It burned. The scorching skin smoldered and healed instantly.
"We're going to be late, if we don't hurry," said Lois tapping her husband on the rear. Clark felt the bile rise in his throat. He didn't want to share this episode with Lois.
"I've to go," Clark forced a smile and raised his right eyebrow.
"Okay then have at it," smirked Lois. "I've seen you use the facilities before." His wife continued.
"Thanks, but no thanks." Clark gently nudged his wife out of the bathroom and locked the door. He turned on the shower to high impact and vomited into the sink.
Chapter 4
"Maybe you vomited the last of it." commented Dr. Klein in his office as he listened to the Geiger counter beep at its lowest possible level. Clark was relieved, but unconvinced and it showed on his face. "Let's give it a day or two. Try eating a couple of these crackers should you have another bout," stated Bernard as he tucked several into Clark's pocket. "They absorb radiation, they may not help, but they couldn't hurt."
"Thanks Bernie, I think I'll walk home. I need a moment to think. I've been feeling blah for a couple of weeks, thanks again. See ya.'" Clark slowly began his walked out of Star Labs.
"Its five miles from here you know," yelled Bernie after him.
"Eleven," shrugged Clark and continued home.
Clark could smell the blend of garlic and basil. He pushed open the den's sliding glass door. Lois wore his red shirt and her black lace bikini underwear. Lois was pouring sparkling cider into her favorite martini glasses. Clark had given them to her during their vacation to San Diego.
Clark kissed Lois. He pulled out the dark cherry dinning room chair and lit the candle with his heat vision. "Lois you didn't cook did you honey?" Clark could see the pots on the stove through the kitchen wall.
"Don't faint Clark. I bought it on my way home and heated it, its safe."
"I didn't marry you for your culinary skills." Clark winked.
They fed each other diner, called to check on their children and parents. They decided to float in their bedroom verses going flying. They made love as couples do who love each other and have time alone.
Early the next morning Clark demolished another radio alarm clock. The manager of the local CVS kept new ones in paper bags at the ready for the Kents. He told Clark that he would give him one free for every twenty which inadvertently fell from the Kent's bedroom window ledge. The manager didn't buy this story but the Kents were good customers and the customer was always right, if not always truthful. Martha and Jonathan had a bet going with Lois as to the date when Clark would smash his 100th radio alarm clock. Lois had won $50 from her in-laws and lost $25.
Sunday morning as Clark and Lois prepared for early morning worship service. Clark noticed that he couldn't button his pants. He put on his Superman regalia under his navy Armani suit. They lycra in the suit held his stomach taunt. He felt like a woman wearing control top pantyhose.
One of his pectoral muscles had become sore. He willed himself to overlook it.
Chapter 5
After visiting Dr. Klein one cool foggy night Clark's theory was confirmed. Clark walked home to his wife feeling like a character in a low budget film. He pulled up the collar of his trench coat humming, A Long and Widening Road. Clark knew that his wife had to know and he had whussed out of telling her for a month.
"Honey, I'm home," smiled Clark feeling like the cookie cutter sitcom husband. Clark thought he had walked into the Twilight Zone when Lois came out of the kitchen wearing an apron, bright red hair and a white pearl chocker necklace.
"What have you done with my wife?" joked Clark.
"The costume party's tonight….at the Rabbs remember?...obviously you don't. I love you anyway," said Lois as she kissed her husband and teased her red wig. " Your outfit's upstairs. Hurry up please."
"Right. Right. I'll be down before you put on your fishnet thigh high hose and maid's uniform," smirked her husband.
"Lucy never wore that kind of skimpy outfit. That's you fantasy not Lucy's." yelled back Lois as Clark trotted up the steps.
"But little Ricky would have had ten brothers and sisters if she had grinned Clark to himself from their bedroom. Clark showered at super speed and twirled into his costume. Clark laughed good naturedly as he saw his reflection in the full length cherry mirror. Lois had rented him a maternity blouse, replete with baby bulge, pink flowers and teddy bears. A baby doll dressed in a pink Pamper said, "Mama. Baby wet." when its tummy was depressed served as his prop. "Lois' obsession with winning never ceases to amaze me. I've seen strange things on this planet, other planets and even in other time dimensions. Lois' need to win surpasses them all," grinned Clark as he adjusted his pregnancy bulge.
Lois drove the red Lexus SUV because Clark did not have enough space between his pregnancy bulge and the steering wheel. At every stop sign or red light Lois would try to stifle a grin, but would invariably end up shaking with laughter. Clark munched on the dry saltiness that Dr. Klein had given him. They pulled into the Rabbs' driveway. Lois asked her husband to wait for her on the porch while she reapplied her lipstick. Clark listened intently. He could hear Lois laughing uncontrollably and the tears slide down her cheek. He knocked on the driver's window.
"Are you going in with me or are you trying to deny your baby and me?" Clark sneered looking at the baby doll. He got back into the SUV and they laughed together for five minutes. They strolled to the Rabb's front porch hand in hand.
"Clark? Is that you or are you the old woman who lived in a shoe?" grinned tall and handsome Captain Harmon Rabb. He wore a sailor's hat and uniform and held a corn cob pipe between his teeth.
"Careful Popeye or I might just puke on your shoes, "Clark knew that there was a lot of truth in that statement.
"As long as you don't go into labor," Harm gave Clark a manly hug.
"Isn't that what's got you in that delicate condition in the first place Mrs. Shoe," teased Sarah Rabb gingerly. She wore a massive long auburn wig which reached the floor and covered three quarters of her petite body. Underneath the wig was a flesh colored body suit. She carried a long stick with a toy horse's head at the top.
"I'll never tell, as long as the maternity care payments keep coming," Clark retorted amusingly. Clark felt his stomach tighten. He looked for the closes get away. He barely made to the guest bathroom before the vomited violently. Perspiration trickled down his back. "Maybe if I remove this pregnancy bulge I'll feel better. It must have some mechanism that allows it to expand periodically," thought Clark frustrated with the entire situation. He x-rayed the bulge and saw that it had no working parts. With super strength he crushed until was no larger than a small wad of paper. He triumphantly tossed into the wicker waste basket.
Lois saw her husband's pained expression and led him to a chair away from the others. She started to sit on her husband's lap but there wasn't enough space. She thought he looked larger than when they left home his abdomen had shifted to the left in one fluid motion. It reminded her of their son, Jon just before he was delivered in the hospital elevator. "Breath slowly and deeply, honey." said his wife as she demonstrated. Clark's eyes teared.
"Stop. You're not the boss of me" sobbed Clark and ran into the kitchen. Lois was stunned. Sarah shrugged her shoulders and Lois shrugged her own shoulders in response.
"Clark, honey I was just trying to help. I apologize, really," responded Lois.
"You don't mean it….I can tell….that's why…you said I really apologize…you always say that when …you're trying to placate….mmmee.," said her husband gulping between each phrase before melting into tears. Lois was astonished, "Clark sounds like a ….girl…He looks like a pregnant woman and now come to think of it he's reacting like a hormonally crazed pregnant woman. Lord God help us," Lois stretched her arms around her emotional husband and whispered "I love you" until he stopped.
"Clark, honey I think you're overwrought let's call it a night and go home. You look exhausted. What do you say to that?" Lois was being as sensitive as she had ever been in her life.
"You're just ashamed of me! I know you are. I look fat in this outfit. Don't I? I saw you looking at that skinny tease. The one in the Batman costume. Don't try to deny it. The real one doesn't have any super powers let alone that wimp. I bet even in my present condition I can burn him to a crisp without even trying. I'll show you, I'll show him," He husband turned to storm out of the kitchen and Lois knew that Clark's analytical mind had fled him. Lois decided to do what Clark had done to her during her pregnancies.
"Honey, no man compares to you. No man is as handsome. I can't keep my hands off you," purred Lois. She kissed her husband deeply. Lois felt her husband moan responsively. Lois smiled to herself at how well Clark's techniques had worked.
"You really love me? Even while I'm fat and pregnant?' whispered her husband.
Lois was screaming inside. She knew from her own experience that diplomacy was vital with her husband. "Honey, who told you that?" said Lois looking into her husband's eyes.
"Bernie did silly. He's our doctor. I couldn't very well go to your Dr. Mary Hill now could I?" Clark's emotions had switched lanes. "I didn't really did need Bernie's tests, because the morning sickness was a give away. I even…gained a tiny bit of ….weight." her husband said guardly.
"There's just more for me to love." said Lois mimicking her husband's compliments to her years ago. Harm came into the kitchen he could tell that something was wrong between the Kents. He turned about face and left the kitchen.
"Thanks for the evening. We had a great time. Thanks again for the trophy. I'll cherish it always." said Clark to the Rabbs. Harmon looked at Sarah and raised his right brow.
"Clark, congratulations on winning the best costume," piped in Sarah. Lois knew that honest compliments were very important to her husband now.
"Thanks honey. Thanks for selecting the custom. You heard me acknowledge your contribution to my success. Didn't you?" asked Clark.
Lois nodded yes and they held hands and slowly walked to their car.
Chapter 6
"Lois I just don't want to know. We waited to learn the gender of both Jon and Mariah. Why can't we just wait?" pouted Clark.
"I promise sweetheart, Bernie won't tell us. I just want you to have an ultra sound to be sure you two are fine. Please don't deny me that, okay?" Lois knew she was walking a thinly drawn line and she didn't want Clark's hormones to erase it.
"Okay for you. I have faith that the baby is fine. I'll go through it for you. First, I have to go the bathroom. Be right back," said her husband pushing both his hands on his hips and waddling quickly out of the room.
"Lois this is unbearable. I have the medical news of the century…no of two centuries and I can't tell a soul. I must be paying for one of my past sins," Dr. Bernard Klein slumped into his chair and put his head dramatically on his desk.
"Quiet Bernie he'll hear you," Lois knew Bernie was right.
"Clark thinks that the baby is due any day now? Is he right, asked Lois cautiously.
"I'm not a gynecologist, but from all outward appearances I think he's right. I'm delighted that you got him to agree to an ultrasound. I'll call in a friend and share the photographs for an expert analysis" said Dr. Klein stoically.
Clark sighed in exhaustion and climbed onto the examination table with help from his wife. He smiled lovingly as Lois held his hand.
Dr. Klein rubbed the gel on Clark's large abdomen and gazed intently at the monitor. Bernard cleared his throat and turned a few knobs. He tapped the top and then the sides of the machine. He looked like a flustered customer attempting to coax a candy bar out of the vending machine.
"What's wrong? Is something wrong with our baby," said Clark panicked.
Lois was anxious and looked at Dr. Klein for reassurance. Her heart was racing. She desperately wanted their baby. There was no denying that was an unusual blessing bestowed upon them. Lois wanted this baby as much as her husband if not more. This baby represented her having to understand and love without expecting anything in return. She had learned to cook four balanced meals because just the smell of food cooking gave her husband dry heaves. She had to give love to Clark even when he accused her falsely of not caring, being ashamed of him or being unfaithful. She walked happily with her husband even though he no longer flexed biceps and triceps which bulged. His fantastic chest was beautiful because it held milk for their baby. He could no longer prance about to arouse her. Other women didn't gasp with lust when he walked by, but she had learned to when he waddled to her seeking loving reassurance.
"There's no baby. Nothing's inside. I can't imagine what's causing the bloating but there's no fetus. There is simply no baby.," Bernard said in amazement. Clark whimpered.
"You think I ruined everything don't you? I gave up everything for the baby. I was thankful to do it. I didn't need to be Superman when you held me Lois and told me that you wanted our baby regardless. I wanted to give us a baby. Lois I failed you. I'm so sorry," cried her husband.
"It's okay, honey. We have everything. Praise the Lord. We have each other and our children. I love you not for you're ability to procreate. We can try again and even If we don't ever have another child. I love you Clark Jerome Kent. That by the Lord's grace is more than enough. I'm content," said Lois adamantly.
" I just can't go on like this Lois. I just can't do it," said Clark resigned to feeling like a failure.
"I need you to bring that analytical side to the forefront, Clark," said Lois challenging his weakness.
"What's are those?" said Clark pointing to the small blotches which seemed to glow on the monitor.
Dr. Klein gently pressed and cautiously moved the ultra sound wand over Clark's abdomen. The area looked like a Jackson Pollock abstract. Circles and slivers practically glowed as Dr. Klein applied pressure to each area.
"I can't be sure without examining one first hand….but I'm pretty sure those are fragments from the King Pen's Kryptonite bomb. Some of these smaller pieces absorbed into your skin whole. Dr. Klein squirted some of the ultra sound gel onto Clark's fore arm. Several small fragments were floating beneath the surface there as well. "The Kryptonite shards have induced a hysterical pregnancy so to speak. I'm going to have to devise some Krypton laced surgical instruments to remove these fragments from your body. My best hypothesis is that the pregnancy symptoms will vanish when the fragments are removed. I suggest you stay here for the night, We can begin taking out the containments as soon as possible. This is fascinating stuff….truly scientifically profound…" Bernard Klein wandered off mentally distracted by the wonder of it all.
Chapter 7
Clark told Dr. Klein the location of each fragment using his laser vision to guide him. As each piece of Kryptonite was removed the incision healed and the area became smaller as if the air was seeping from a balloon. Surgical blades snapped in two whenever Dr. Klein attempted to cut through a part of Clark's skin that was not weakened by the Kryptonite. Lois' job was handing each scalpel to Dr. Klein and dropping the shards into a lead container.
Three hours later, the last shard was removed from Clark's ankle. Clark was glad that the House of El crest which he had burned into his skin on his ankle with laser vision was not disturbed.
"Bernie we owe you. Thank you for being such a blessing." said Clark and Lois agreed. "Thank you." said Dr. Klein sincerely. "You've given me an experience that no other physician has ever had, that I have ever heard of anyway. A chance to share in a man's pregnancy. It's fascinating" Bernie Klein walked to his office babbling about the scientific significance.
"I love you Lois. Thank you for loving me so much. I thought the cloning was our wildest adventure unless you count the time traveling episodes or the 'other' Clark in a parallel universe," Clark hugged his wife and sighed.
"I love you Clark. I could really use a quiet flight to Smallville," whispered Lois exhausted. She removed her surgical garb and pushed them into the hamper. Lois took her small make-up bag from her purse. She opened it and dumped the five tubes of red lipstick into the stainless steel trash can.
"After all this I think I've had enough of valuing the surface….not that I'm letting myself go…but collagen injections just don't matter to me any more. I can pout effectively without them," Lois looped her arm around her husband's slender waist and they walked contently toward their car.
The End