My deepest apologies for the time lag - and my great thanks to those who have kept me going. I've heard people asking for contradictory things in this chapter, but I hope I delivered enough to satisfy everyone's tastes. ;-P
Chapter 10
smallest of details...
It was elementary geometry. He had learned it a long time ago, in a system far, far away from the gleaming Core world of Coruscant. Well, he'd never actually been taught it. Slaves aren't formally educated; they just have to pick things up as they go along. His mother had thought of helping him learn to read, write and do arithmetic, but there was never a need for it. What he didn't learn at Watto's he picked up on his own, naturally. That was a gift from the Force, probably, just like his being so good at building things and piloting.
So why in the name of the Sith was he being forced to sit with padawans half his age to learn about elementary geometry!
Ten year old Anakin fidgeted in his hard seat, until he caught the glare from Master Gre'elk's three eyes. But he couldn't help it! This was just so boring! He could teach this class himself. Force, he was pretty certain he could teach them the quantum mechanical calculations they would need to be able to pilot through hyperspace vectors. All of this time in class was just busy work when he should be learning how to move things, or at least work with a lightsaber.
"Yes, but one must understand that the simplest triangle is related to the most complex movement you can perform with your lightsaber, my young padawan."
Anakin went rigid. Sithspawn, his master had not only heard this thoughts, but had just walked into the room and chastised him in front of everyone. He could feel all the other padawans, the younglings, looking at him, as his young master stepped alongside Master Gre'elk. Obi-Wan folded his arms under his robes and looked directly at his young charge. Anakin felt his face redden and lowered his eyes.
"Tell me, young Anakin, what is the importance of the triangle?" Obi-Wan asked, his voice soft, calm, and yet resounding in the quiet temple chamber.
"The triangle - "
"When you answer someone, provide them the courtesy of looking at them," his master quickly reprimanded.
Anakin flushed redder, bit the urge to scrunch lower in his seat, and looked up. Obi-Wan was looking intently at him, but there was no hardness in those blue eyes, or sternness in the fresh face. Anakin only sensed encouragement from his master. Watto would have swatted at him, or punished him with no food, or some other horrible mistreatment a slave can always expect from a master to fix any petulant behavior. But not here. This master was different. It warmed Anakin's heart to see the slight smile come to Obi-Wan's mouth as Anakin drew up in response to his challenge.
"The triangle is the first object that is formed with more than one line," Anakin answered, his voice clear and steady. "With three lines and three angles, a triangle can have a variety of appearances."
"And why is understanding the triangle important to understanding lightsaber technique?"
Anakin's brow furrowed. This wasn't something they had covered yet. Obi-Wan was barely willing to let him turn a lightsaber on and off by himself. They hadn't gone over any stances or movements that required three sides or three angles. Just take the lightsaber in your hand, hold it in front of you, thrust, parry, feel how it hums and moves as an extension of your body, and your connection with the -
His eyes brightened. "Because when a Jedi uses a lightsaber, it becomes an extension of his body and his connection with the Force! Three sides, and the movements would be the three angles!"
Obi-Wan's smile widened, briefly, before his calm countenance regained control. But Anakin didn't miss it.
"Well done, Padawan, if a little enthusiastic of an answer." Obi-Wan redirected his gaze to the rest of the class. "As Padawan Skywalker has just demonstrated, your class work is intricately related to everything you will learn to become a Jedi. Do not underestimate the little things." He glanced back at Anakin. "No matter how boring they may be. Even the smallest detail can reveal the universe."
He nodded to Anakin then conversed silently with Master Gre'elk. Anakin sat back, watching his wise master. His head was buzzing with pride. The smallest detail can reveal the universe. And the smallest person can change it. Anakin knew. He, Master Kenobi and the Force. Together, they formed the perfect triangle. Together, they could take on the universe. He was certain of it.
Obi-Wan tried to find the calm, the peace, the light at his core that warmed him, protected him, made him one with the Force. He slowed his breathes. He slowed his pulse. He focused inward, touching that core, his current of power that had been strengthened through years of training. He could feel the warm sunlight basking his tired body, and he tried to use his core to meet this light, to invigorate his body from the inside as well.
But still, he shivered.
He tried, had been trying since Anakin, the real Anakin, landed before him outside the metal hut. He tried, repeatedly. But he could not do it.
There is no try. Only doing exists.
Trying is doing. It is an action toward an intended goal. He was doing his best to calm down, to rid his mind, his body, of the chill and the fire that cried out for retribution. The darkness that had hungered for Darth Maul's blood to be as injuriously spilt. He was doing all he could to regain himself, the Jedi Master, the General of the Republic, the calm Negotiator.
But he was failing.
He wasn't any of those. Not right now. He was a man who had had his most personal, private feelings and desires - those he kept repressed into the darkness and away even from himself - forced out. His inner core had been cracked open and this darkness had been spilt and used against him.
To rape me...
He stood now before his rapist - his only one? - and he could not find the calm. All his efforts and his training and all he could see was Eyuria, moving slowly, silently, on the mossy ground where only hours before he and Anakin -
No, not Anakin. Eyuria, in disguise. Or one of her sisters. Manipulating his mind. Taking advantage of his weakened state. Of him. Not the real Anakin, not his -
Obi-Wan wanted so desperately to shove everything that had been ripped from him back into that darkness. To lock it under the firm control of the Force. These were not feelings or desires he could act on. What use were they to him? But here they were, playing out before his eyes, remembered by every sense that still hummed with the thought of what had happened.
He knew Anakin was watching him. Anakin who had risked his life to save him. Who deserved answers. But how could he tell his friend Eyuria had tried to rape him as Padme because of his feelings for the Senator? Or how she had succeeded, by using his feelings for Anakin?
Obi-Wan clenched his saber. It would be better if Eyuria was dead.
This was not a regretful thought. Without Eyuria, he could lie, and Anakin would never have to learn his secrets, those that would surely drive them apart. Possibly permanently. Even without those feelings being stirred, the thought of having his brother-in-arms despising him left Obi-Wan feeling cold. Colder than the thought of killing Eyuria.
So why hadn't he? Why didn't he strike with vengeance when given the chance back at the hut? Yes, doing such in anger would have been a step down the path of the Darkside. But he had stepped down the wrong path a decade ago, in the Naboo garbage room. His training of Anakin pulled him off it. And back at the hut, Anakin's steadying presence quelled the bloodlust crying in his soul.
But it had been more than that. With his Force-senses restored, he finally saw Eyuria. And what he felt in her was odd. He didn't know what it was. Perhaps it was just a reaction in the Force to whatever powers she used to confuse and control him. He couldn't tell. The feeling was so alien to anything he'd encountered before, in all his years of traveling the galaxy. In that instance of confusion and curiosity, he was able to squelch his bloodlust. He no longer wanted Eyuria dead. He wanted answers. But how to manage this with Anakin so near by?
Obi-Wan sighed and dropped to sit cross-legged by Eyuria. She was softly snoring now, apparently moving from being unconscious to being asleep. He closed his eyes and turned into the light. So warm. All encompassing, enveloping, and sparking off every nerve. A blanket of liquid joy. It would be so easy to drown in it.
Just like the darkness. Forget and enjoy the pleasure of not worrying, not caring.
But that's not me. He sighed again, but a small smile creased his parched lips. I'm a fuss-bot. A mother hen to Anakin's wild chick. I never was one to just have fun. He smiled more. Unless my mind is being manipulated by a primitive female of some alien Outer Rim world. It was all so - insane! He didn't even know he was chuckling.
He felt something cool and wet in his hand. He opened his eyes to find himself staring in the blues of Anakin's worried face. Anakin's lips were moving, forming words apparently, but he didn't catch any of it. He saw the eyes, the scar, the lips, the hair. And his mind tingled with the memory of the doppelganger's use of them.
"Obi-Wan, do you hear me?"
Obi-Wan looked down at the canteen of water placed in his hand. He must want me to drink. His smile grew.
"Now who's the mother hen?"
Relief, confusion, amusement washed over Anakin's features. He sat back, cross-legged, a meter or so away from Obi-Wan. A part of him ached at the idea of Anakin being so far away. So he identified that part and ignored it. These feelings must be controlled. Back into the darkness he sent it. In the light, they'd only explode.
"You've been sitting so quietly, I was getting worried," Anakin said softly, looking at the ground between them. Obi-Wan took a long draught from the canteen. "Is she asleep?"
The water was refreshing. His stomach felt empty, but Anakin had anticipated this as well. A ration bar lay before him. Nodding appreciatively to Anakin, he nibbled it. He'd had nothing but that concoction Eyuria had been giving him. A ration bar tasted like an Alderaan royal eight-course banquet. And he was very thankful for the quiet between them. Obi-Wan would never have imaging using Anakin's presence to help him find peace. But right now, after everything, it made complete sense. Obi-Wan wanted to hold onto this silence, to find himself.
But Anakin was sitting, watching him eat, so patiently, so unlike him. So much like myself.
"Anakin, you've grown up."
The young man, apparently not expecting this observation, responded, his brow cocked, a smile on his lips, "Well, it's about time you noticed. Even Padme noticed before you did."
Obi-Wan flinched before he could catch himself. And Anakin quickly noticed.
He reached out, but Obi-Wan drew back, leaving the young man's open hand hanging in the bright air between them. This also did not go unnoticed.
"Master - Obi-Wan, please tell me what happened." He let his hand drop, and with it his voice. "You're scaring me."
Obi-Wan straightened his back and closed his eyes. Calm, peace, at one with the Force. This is the way of the Jedi.
"Anakin, what is the Darkside?"
"I'm not in the mood for another lesson - "
"We've always talked about it abstractly," his voice was low but clear. "Fear, anger, aggression, all the negative aspects of life, these corrupt, lead one down the path to the Darkside. A seductive path towards power, towards control. But along the way we lose ourselves, those we care about and love. We are told the Darkside is not more powerful, just more clever." He opened his eyes. Anakin's brow was a deep crease across his face. "Yes, that's it. We are told about this wrong path, but how can we truly know it unless we've walked down it, if even for a little. But once you start down that path, it can be impossible to get off."
"What are you - "
"I've started down that path once before, Anakin, and it was by training you that I did not keep on it. I need your help again. This time, the path - is much more tempting."
Anakin audibly gulped and bowed his head. "I - I don't know - "
"Anakin, the Xaantins are Force-users, of some sort."
"Yes, I sensed that, when they were sending me on a wild bantha chase through the forest after a phantom STAP," Anakin snorted. "They could teach us all about how to improve our Jedi mind trick. What did they do to you?"
"You have to promise to remain calm, no matter what I say."
"You are really scaring me now, Obi."
Obi-Wan closed his eyes. He used the familiar. Control yourself, Jedi Master. You have to get a hold of this before everything falls apart.
"Anakin, do you promise me..."
He felt Anakin move closer, but he couldn't respond. Every ounce of strength he had left was going towards not reacting. The inadvertent seduction Anakin exuded was a battle he desperately fought to overcome.
"I promise to not over-react, as you'd put it."
Obi-Wan nodded and let out a slow breath, preparing himself for when he opened his eyes. There he was. Within reach. All he had to do was grab him and run.
Instead, he wove a story of half-truths and omissions.
He told Anakin about falling into the pit with the insects. Anakin shared his encounters with the pests. They agreed the poison from the insects somehow made them more susceptible to the illusions and mind tricks created by the Xaantins. Obi-Wan went on to explain how he awoke to find himself in the metal hut, completely cut off from connection with the Force. He described Eyuria's initial entrance as a human woman, and how he believed he had to rescue her from the Xaantins who he thought were mistreating her.
"Only they weren't, were they, because she was actually one of them," Anakin surmised, nodding thoughtfully.
"Yes, as we can clearly see now."
"So what was her plan? The Xaantins I ran into tried to lure me away from their village, but they took you into it."
"Anakin, Eyuria raped me."
He watched very closely, even tapped into their Force bond. Obi-Wan could feel the fire boiling in Anakin's gut. He saw how Anakin's robotic hand flexed, even minutely. He saw the hairline crease across the man's forehead. The tightening of the lips. The straightening of the back. Small changes that overall betrayed none of the inner turmoil on Anakin's countenance. But the small details mattered to Obi-Wan. He actually felt, well, happy there was this effect. The happiness was fleeting, but it felt good to know Anakin could be so affected and yet so controlled at the same time. It made him feel good, as a friend, as a master, and as a man.
"Why did she do it?" came Anakin's controlled response, the hint of a growl deepening the young Knight's voice.
Obi-Wan shook his head. "I do not know. We have to wait for her to have that answer." He shrugged nonchalantly. "Actually, it - what we did - probably doesn't even qualify as rape. She tricked me into - engaging with her, but she didn't force me, I didn't try to stop her - "
"No, I will not have you thinking that way!" Anakin spat. "She - she used you. She took advantage of you." Anakin grabbed his friend's shoulders to stare him down. Obi-Wan couldn't move. "You wouldn't have agreed to it if you were yourself, right?" Obi-Wan hoped he nodded. "So it wasn't your choice, not completely, because you weren't you!"
"But I was me, Anakin, and she knew everything" Obi-Wan heard himself saying. He couldn't stop himself. Anakin was just so close, and every memory was still so raw, the mere breath from that man's mouth scraped open the healing wounds. The heat of his body, oh stars!
Anakin has to notice what's happening. Why isn't he reacting?
Anakin didn't move, didn't look away from Obi-Wan's eyes.
By stars, is he actually getting closer?
Anakin cocked his head, and a grin blossomed, slowly, minutely, the smallest of details.
"Obi, who did she pretend to be?"
He couldn't think let alone answer. The only thing that was rolling around in his suddenly less than calm head was "oh Force don't let this be another trick!"
But he didn't have to answer. Their Force bond took care of that for him. The truth poured from him, uncontrolled, a torrent of images, sounds and sensations. It washed over Anakin, who gasped in response. But when he opened his eyes again, his grin had grown - seductive.
"So I finally taught you to have some fun."
Anakin drew him closer. Obi-Wan gave up the battle.
"How do I know this is real?"
"I'll tell you something you don't know. Those dreams I had when I was younger. They were always about you."
Obi-Wan caught the smile. "I knew that."
And then he caught Anakin's lips.
Pure electricity. An explosion of sensation. Their Force bond rippled with energy as they pulled into each other. This wasn't a dance for dominance. It was perfectly coordinated. The Force carried them in harmony with each other. This was nothing like when Eyuria tricked him. This was his Anakin, the man who he had chased into the darkness. This was his Anakin, the skilled Jedi, who could do things with the Force no other could ever do. This was his Anakin, his other half in battle, and now in love. Anakin, the Force and himself. With this kiss, the triangle finally was complete.
Only -
"Tamolok!"
They sprang apart at the same time as Eyuria cried out and instantly threw up their hands.
Dozens of Xaantin arrows fell from the sky and were scattered by the Force barrier they had erected in unison. Eyuria scrambled behind them as the deflected arrows fell into the moss and river around them.
Another volley buzzed through the sky. Obi-Wan and Anakin had time to only exchange brief glances before their concentration returned to maintaining the barrier.
"What do we do?" Anakin asked, game face in place.
Another volley, denser than the last one.
"Must be more out there by now," Obi-Wan answered. Who are they, Eyuria?"
Eyuria burrowed her head into Obi-Wan's back. "My father. He wants me dead."
"Get in line," Anakin grumbled. Obi-Wan pretended not to hear.
"We're too vulnerable here like this. We have to retreat, try this some other way."
"This or this?" Anakin asked, placing one hand on Obi-Wan's leg.
Obi-Wan smiled, shaking his head. "Patience, young one."
"Never have been very good at that."
The latest volley was on its way. The Jedi glanced at each other and nodded in unison.
The volley splintered against the barrier, which was instantly dropped. Obi-Wan scooped Eyuria into his arms and ran into the forest with Anakin in the rear, deflecting any arrows that followed.