THANKS to everyone for their wonderful comments on the last couple of chapters. I'm so glad you liked it. I agonized over this one, about how to start to wrap everything up. I'm trying to keep it close to the canon, which means you can probably figure out what happens... Please, enjoy, and may the Force be with you.

Chapter 14

the learner and the master

There is nothing but the Force. The Force surrounds us, it penetrates us, it holds the universe together. It is the universe. We are merely physical manifestations of the Force's will. Our will is the Force's will. The Force's will is our will. There shall be no difference, no separation, no loneliness. The Force is your ally, your constant companion, your lover.

Lover…

Obi-Wan's eyes fluttered back open and he sighed. It just didn't work. Every time he got back to the word lover, his bond with the Force shattered, replaced by the tingling and warmth that was decidedly not Force-related. He had hoped that being back on board, in the familiar surroundings of his barren quarters, would shield his mind, prevent these thoughts and feelings from finding him. Prevent Anakin from getting in.

He felt a twinge of guilt and looked up at the chronometer. Only twelve more hours until they got back to Coruscant, back to some semblance of civilization, even if it was fraught with its own barbarisms. He would take political back-stabbing with great glee at the moment. Twelve more hours before he was back in the serene halls of the Jedi Temple, in his real bed, until he could –

Forget everything that had transpired between him and Anakin?

Another sigh, this one heavier, longer. Only twelve hours to go, but that meant he had spent the last twenty four hours trying to meditate, locked into his quarters. After a quick check at the medibay to prove that his body only need rest and sustenance, he had excused himself from command to do just that, leaving Anakin in charge of the trip home. Anakin had said nothing during that whole time. Obi-Wan remembered waking up in the medibay, unsure of how he got there. Anakin shared with him how he had beat Dree'la in the duel, and they both had agreed it was necessary to report to the council in person at once. But that was all. Anakin said nothing about anything else that had happened on Xaantiin, either between them, or with Eyuria.

Obi-Wan felt nauseous, a sudden chill rippled across his bare torso. The thought of her…he steadied himself, closing his eyes and leaning back against the wall. It was still burbling there, deep inside, that darkness. Like he was being suspended over it, and at any moment the cords would be cut and he would fall, again. He could remember the look on her face as he – sliced her. He could remember every single detail about what she looked like, frozen in time, when Dree'la used her against him. Most of all, he could remember how he felt. How completely devoid of any proper feeling he was. How all there was, was anger.

Perhaps Anakin sensed this in him at the medibay, how he was not ready to talk about what had happened. True, it would be a first for the headstrong man, but Obi-Wan was very thankful to not have that matter pressed. The darkside was a forceful presence in many Jedi's lives, one they had to struggle with almost daily – sith, sometimes it felt like the struggle was fought moment by moment. It was very hard to never stray down that wrong path, to keep a mindful eye on where you were going step by step. No wonder then that some Jedi, like Dree'la, found it simply easier to stop trying. He could understand, even sympathize, with her. Yes, truly he could. If what she said had any inkling of truth to it, no matter how twisted it had become by her rage and desire for revenge, then he could understand seeking retribution for the untimely and dishonorable death of her master. Yes, he could understand that indeed.

And if what she had said was true? All the more reason to meet with the council. Perhaps they didn't know what had happened to the Xaantiins and the Jedi sent there. They did not know about Kamino until the army was completed. Or so they say…He shook his head, bounced it off the wall as if to beat that thought into submission. No, he had to trust Master Yoda on the Kamino situation. Master Yoda had no reason to lie, he knew it. If he could not trust Yoda, then who by the Force could he trust?

What about Anakin?

"Ah, yes, as for the other matter on hand," Obi-Wan mumbled, opening his eyes and staring at the pile of clothes, the dirty ones from the planet he had shed yet had not sent off to the cleaner. He didn't know why. They were beyond filthy. Beyond repair, most likely.

But he's still in them. The real him, his touch, his scent, all still there.

They were little more than rags now, but they were Jedi robes that had been enshrined with the memory of a love he had for so long held secret, had for so long tried to deny.

For a love he was deeply terrified he may soon have to give up.

Relationships beyond that of Master and Padawan were forbidden by the Jedi Council, and he and Anakin had long ago moved past that relationship. He knew what other Jedi were saying behind their backs. That they should be separated, sent off to different quadrants on different missions. Why keep the fenil chick with its mother when it can so obviously fend for itself? And perhaps they were right. The Republic needed all the strong leaders and warriors it could take right now to battle the insurgents. Anakin had proven himself to be both. Maybe it was time to let Anakin go. That would be the selfless thing to do, the Jedi thing. And that was all he ever wanted, right?

He smiled, recalling a time when he was very much like Anakin, when he had almost given up on this path and left the Jedi for good. It took the steady hand of Qui-Gon to bring him back, to help him sort out the conflicting emotions he had about his destiny. He saw so much of himself in Anakin, and he wanted desperately to mean to Anakin what Qui-Gon meant to him. By that reasoning, Anakin wasn't ready yet to be on his own. Without guidance, without Obi-Wan there to temper that fiery spirit of his, Anakin might just end up like Dree'la. Yes, Anakin could very well fly on his own, but without his fenil hen mother he might just end up flying into the sun.

Which meant spending more time with him, for his own good. To help Anakin.

Not because it was what Obi-Wan wanted, but because it was what the Force willed.

But what will you do with the time you have together?

"Now's the time to find that out, I suppose," he muttered.

He had sensed Anakin through their bond for a while. The young man was standing outside his door, tentatively shuffling his feet, unsure of whether or not he should enter. As if he did something wrong and is about to be punished, Obi-Wan mused warmly. That's a very familiar sensation from the young lad. But for all his meditating on the subject, he just couldn't say that they had done anything wrong. Eyuria and her people, they had done the wrong things by bringing up these shielded feelings. But wasn't it also wrong to hide emotions rather than face them? Is the safest way to escape the darkside by confronting negativities held deep down, before they well up and strike down those before you? The question required further meditation, and discussion with Master Yoda, but for now it felt like the right answer, like the Force was nudging him in that direction. With that the case, best to speak to the young man and sort out what had just happened.

"Come in, Anakin," Obi-Wan called out, sounding hoarser than he meant to. He sipped on the water at his side as the door slid open and Anakin entered.

The young man was in clean robes, the dark fabric swarming around him and melding with the semi-darkness of Obi-Wan's chambers. His presence filled the room and assaulted Obi-Wan's senses. He had freshly showered, and beads of water clung to his dirty blonde hair and tanned skin. But his eyes did not meet Obi-Wan's. Head slightly hung, shoulders hunched, he stayed by the closed door. The exact image of his childish self, believing his master was about to lecture him about jerry-rigging droids or some other nonsense. It took much self-control for Obi-Wan not to get up and embrace the young man as he used to, when Anakin the child cried for his home. But now it would mean embracing Anakin the man, and all the possibilities that that would lead to. And he wasn't quire certain if he was ready for that.

He did need to console Anakin, to get him out of this worried position, if they were going to have any sort of mature conversation about what happened.

"It's not your fault, Anakin," he said, breaking the silence.

Anakin looked up, his blue eyes darkened by his black pupils to adjust to the light. Obi-Wan shivered, remembering other times he had seen those eyes looking like that. The eye contact was brief as Anakin shook his head.

"No, Master -- Obi-Wan," he mumbled. "I feel like I took advantage of you. You were weak, and I shouldn't have forced this on you." He looked back up at Obi-Wan, his eyes glistening with tears. "I'm no better than Eyuria."

That shot right through Obi-Wan. Had he been thinking this all this time?

"Don't say that, Anakin," Obi-Wan rebuked, getting up, letting his robe flow open around him as he went to Anakin. The younger man kept his head bowed, backed up into the wall. "Don't ever think that."

"But it's true. You never would have been thinking about -- us -- if I had been more mature, more like a real Jedi, and not reacted the way I did when I saw --"

Obi-Wan stared at the younger man in black, amazed at what he saw. Had Anakin matured since they came onboard? Or was he just trying to turn all this negativity onto himself, like he had when his mother died? It was a very noble thing to do, but also, very stupid.

"Anakin, don't be a child."

Anakin's head snapped up, his eyes now burning.

"I am not being a child! I'm doing the mature thing, the thing you always wanted me to do! The thing you always do!" He pushed away from the door, pointed a finger at Obi-Wan. "I am doing what you would do! If our roles had been switched down there, you never would haven given in to your impulses and forced the matter! You would have keep your feelings in check."

"Yes, I would have," Obi-Wan responded calmly. "But I would have been wrong."

"Yeah, that's, what?"

Obi-Wan closed the distance between them and took Anakin's outstretched hand in his, gently stroking the palm with his fingers. Anakin's stance loosened and his eyes closed at the sensation.

"I don't have all the answers -- I may have just figured out the question -- but I think this is a lesson from the Force."

"I like the lesson so far," Anakin mumbled, lips tugging upwards.

"I hid those feelings from myself for so long, Anakin, that when they were, released, I didn't know what to do with them," he continued, softly, studying the lines of the strong hand he caressed. "As Jedi we are taught that there are no emotions, that there is only peace. But emotions don't just evaporate like the morning mist. We have to do something with them. Qui-Gon tried to teach me to be in touch with them without letting them overwhelm me, so that I can better appreciate the Living Force. And I have tried. We're a lot alike, Anakin, although I have learned better how to handle my emotions."

The young man's eyes remained closed, and his body became more and more relaxed. Obi-Wan shifted one hand to Anakin's other and slowly drew the younger man to him. "But not all of them. Some feelings were just too raw, and to antithetical to everything I'd been taught about being a Jedi. The anger I felt when Qui-Gon was killed. The love I have felt, to you."

Anakin opened his eyes to find that he was only inches away from Obi-Wan. But he didn't move. He waited as Obi-Wan continued.

"So what does a Jedi do with these feelings? I had thought it best to hide these feelings, to send them deep down and forget about them. But this only made me strike Eyuria down in anger. I believe something different now, Anakin, something I think the Force's will agrees with. Instead of trying to hide these feelings and make them not a part of who we are, we should acknowledge them, explore them, and see where they lead us."

Obi-Wan pressed himself against every possible square inch of Anakin, dragging the younger man into a tight embrace, and found the lips where he'd last left them, just as moist, tender and willing as last time.

Anakin eagerly returned the kiss, his arms and dark robe enveloping the somewhat smaller man. Obi-Wan could feel the need, the relief, welling up in the younger man. He felt the same in himself. There was no doubt this time, no twinge of regret festering in the back of his mind. True, the Council would disapprove if they found out, as it ran counter to all the teachings they had. But he knew, somewhere the Force was telling him, that this was the true path they should walk, for as long as they could. The Council would come to learn.

Anakin broke the kiss, stroking Obi-Wan's beard, smiling. "I completely agree. Wouldn't Qui-Gon be proud?"

Something in Obi-Wan's chest burst and everything poured out. He felt the warm tears on his cheeks before he even knew he was crying. Anakin was kissing them away as he felt the warmth building in his chest. Everything he had been through Anakin knew about. And everything Anakin had been through Obi-Wan knew about. So much of it was the same. They were so alike, maybe more so than others wanted to admit. Or maybe that's what others feared about them. Well, then best to make them confront this fear. That was his new dictum, after all.

And he was going to relish it!

He smiled, combining surprise and his mastery over the Force, sent the young Jedi sprawling unto the rumbled covers. He laughed when Obi-Wan straddled him.

"Are you sure you're my master, and not some Xaantiin who got on board?"

"I know of no Xaantiin who can do this."

Obi-Wan sat back and smiled. Anakin, confused, tried to get up, but found he couldn't move. He cocked an eyebrow, quizzically studying his man who just kept smiling. Then his belt came alive, unclasped itself and unwound itself like a snake coming awake. The belt flew across the room. Anakin watched as his tunic peeled back, layer by layer, unfolding to reveal his chiseled torso to the keen eyes on the man sitting on his legs.

"Well, two can play at this game," Anakin smirked, and blinked his eyes.

Obi-Wan's robe jerked backwards and fell to the floor. Obi-Wan cocked his head.

"Ah, is that how you want this?"

Obi-Wan snapped his fingers and Anakin quickly sat up, facing him. But he kept the young man far enough away that Anakin couldn't steal a kiss. Obi-Wan reached out and traced the scar, the cheekbones, the chin, and then flicked his fingers. Anakin's robe and tunic thumped against the wall and fell to the floor. Now that they were both bare-chested, Obi-Wan sidled up Anakin's legs, wiggling until he was on his lap. Anakin groaned, but Obi-Wan wouldn't let him move as he slid his hands downward, kneading the younger man's muscular shoulders, back, arms. Anakin's groans turned into moans, and Obi-Wan could feel his erection pushing into his crotch as he pulled himself closer, bringing their chests together. The heat of Anakin's flushed chest sent waves of pleasure through his own, and he rewarded them both with another deep, probing kiss.

The moment that Anakin's tongue pushed into his mouth Obi-Wan lost focus with the Force and Anakin found himself freed. Not one to waste an opportunity, he immediately turned the tables and put Obi-Wan under his body and his control. He broke the kiss to sit back on his captive master, his eyes glinting mischievously as he licked the taste of Obi-Wan's lips on his own. Obi-Wan's heart beat fast with every delicious thought he caught on Anakin's mind. He loved how he could feel Anakin's feelings through their bond just as real as his own. How we could see the desire in Anakin's mind as well as his body. It just made everything feel so much better, so much more real, and so much more welcomed.

"I've said it before and I'll say it again, I like being the master of you."

"You think you can teach me something I don't know?" Obi-Wan purred, reaching out through the Force to blow sensually through those long tresses. Anakin sighed, leaning into it as it was Obi-Wan's real hand.

"Oh, I think I've picked up a couple things along the way that you'll like."

Obi-Wan pouted. "Are you trying to make me jea--"

He saw it as it briefly flickered across Anakin's mind and gasped as if he'd just had a lightsaber shoved into his stomach up to the hilt.

"Padme--"

Then it was Anakin's time to gasp as an image flickered across Obi-Wan's memory of the first attempt Eyuria had made with him.

The Force-hold shattered, they were left to stare wide-eyed with each other.

"You love Padme?" they said simultaneously. And while Obi-Wan was shocked because this was a secret his friend and would-be lover had been keeping from him, Anakin's eyes turned into embers. Was he getting angry about this?

"I don't love her, Anakin, it was just a passing fancy from a long time ago that Eyuria dredged up."

"Like your passing fancy for me?" Anakin demanded, getting off Obi-Wan.

"What are you getting so angry about? I'm not mad that you slept with her without telling me."

"No, of course not, you're probably just repressing your anger," he mumbled, picking up his clothes from around the room.

Obi-Wan jumped up and grabbed the man's arm, spinning him to face him.

"Were you just here these past few minutes? What was it I had just been saying, just been doing, for sithsake!"

Anakin yanked his arm away. "And I'm supposed to trust that these are your honest feelings, and not just some passing thing, that once you've had your fill of me - the real me - that you'll satisfy these long-dormant feelings and this new Jedi dictum of yours?"

"Anakin, you're being - "

"Don't you dare call me a child again, Obi-Wan!"

"I was going to say you sound like a jealous lover," he retorted, trying to force the calm back into his voice. "I have no intentions towards --"

Then it hit Obi-Wan. Why the Force hadn't he seen it before? All those times Anakin had spent nights away from the Temple. He thought it was just Anakin wanting to explore Coruscant. But it wasnt really, was it?

"Your wife?" The words hung heavy, a black hole in the middle of the room, between them. "Anakin, you married Padme without telling the Council, or me?"

Anakin closed his eyes and shoved past Obi-Wan for the door. Obi-Wan didn't move to stop him.

He did call out just before Anakin keyed open the door.

"Ani, I do love you."

Anakin's hand balled at his fist, his head, mind, heart all very heavy.

"I know, Obi."

"Then what do we do about this?"

Anakin keyed the door open. "I don't know." And slipped into the corridor.

Obi-Wan didn't hear the door swish closed. He didn't know he was sitting until he felt the bed under him. He just didn't know anymore. It had all made such perfect sense.

So how could it have all gone so wrong, so quickly?

Next up, Epilogue - an ending or a beginning?