Chapter 6: Uneasy Allies

Traveling to the Arlathvhen proved to be an interesting affair. Solas's escort and the Dalish escort of guards both seemed to despise and distrust each other. When Lavellan pointed this out to Solas he frowned, but was not entirely surprised. "Indeed. They are wary of the new alliance. Enemies do not become friends overnight."

"True enough. I think I have an idea as to how to begin to change their minds, but it is rather a diabolical plan. I will require your assistance."

"I'd be happy to help."

"Good. But first, I must know something. This alliance poses an opportunity for how the Dalish will view you. And me. Arlathvhen will grant many the opportunity to see us both in person. History will have its eyes on us. So how do you wish to lead from your new position of power as ally to the Dalish? Will you rule over them as a god-king? Will you command their respect through fear or veneration?"

He studied her closely. "You wonder what kind of leader I was before I created the Veil? Shall I tell you stories?"

She shook her head. "Ah, but stories are only your own impression. How others view you is entirely different."

"That is true, but the Dalish already have their impression of Fen'Harel. Or the Dread Wolf. There is already a layer of fear to contend with before I can offer any other impression."

She grinned, glancing at him slyly. "Yes. That is quite true. But I think I know just how to help with that."

"What do you suggest?"

Her eyes twinkled with a devilish glint. "Affection." When he raised an eyebrow she continued. "Up until now, you have been a commander to your people. And a terrifying god to mine. If we are to show them you are a person and not a god to be feared, then I suggest we show them you're capable of showing affection. To me. I am your intended, after all. Now we could be dignified and composed when surrounded by others, as we've done in the past and people will assume the union is one of political necessity, or… we could show affection and demonstrate that there is something more to this union. And more to us."

He considered it. Public displays of affection had been something to be avoided in their relationship previously. In fact, he had done everything possible to keep his relationship with the Inquisitor a secret, knowing full well what the ramifications would be if it was discovered that Fen'Harel had seduced her. It had been bad enough just for the two of them to be associated with one another in a professional capacity. Their closest companions had known something was going on between them, but even then they did not show affection unless they were alone together. Sera's incessant remarks were still etched painfully into his memory. "What do you have in mind?" he asked warily.

"Ah, do not fear. I think we will start small. When we stop for camp, help me down from my hart."

He nodded. It was a small gesture, but she was notoriously proud about being able to ride without requiring assistance to get up and down off her mount.

When they did stop for camp that night, he helped her down from her hart, gripping her waist. "Thank you," she said, smiling up at him once he set her down on the ground.

Several of the armed escort Dalish stiffened, watching Solas warily.

And so it went for the rest of the evening as they set up camp. She lent him her water skin and he drank from it with gratitude. He offered to peel her orange for her. When the Dalish informed her the cookfire was ready she suggested everyone gather around the same fire. Both sides were opposed to this, but when the two of them sat beside each other, they were left with no choice but to join, each group sitting in their own half of the circle. At first, no one wanted to talk. They ate, as wary and distrusting as wild dogs. "Ri'vai, I heard from my uncle that you once found an entrance to the Deep Roads while hunting a bear. Is that true?" she asked, directing her question to a Dalish warrior with deep brown skin.

"Yes, Ambassador. On the outskirts of the Arbor Wilds with my brother."

"Really? Did you explore at all? Run into any darkspawn?"

"Yes. We didn't get very far before we ran into deepstalkers. Tons of them came pouring out of a hole in a wall. We were lucky to escape. Left me with a few scars though," he said, pulling back his sleeve to reveal two whining white lines running across his forearm.

"How did you escape?"

Ri'vai elaborated more on his story about his trip into the Deep Roads and his battle against the darkspawn. Solas watched, impressed as Lavellan easily steered the conversation, inviting others in as well, including a few of his own men. By the time mugs of tea were passed around all were trying to out-do one another with their tales of personal victories against terrifying beasts.

When the story came back around to her, she sighed. "I'm afraid I have you all beat. I've fought hundreds of dangerous creatures in my time, including several dragons. But did you ever hear about my battle against a god trapped inside a dragon?" Just like that she drew in their attention and told them about their fight against the Jaws of Hakkon and then against the god-possessed dragon himself. They hung on her every word, particularly the part about Ameridan, fascinated.

"Ameridan was Dalish?" Ri'vai asked, stunned. "And you actually spoke to him?"

"For a time, however brief. And he was Dalish. I'm afraid his legacy and heritage were lost to the ages. A lesson we know all too well." There were several grimaces and bitter expressions around the circle. "But now you know the truth. So it is no longer lost. I hope that we can all aspire to be as brave as he was."

"I shall tell my children of his legacy and his courage," Ri'vai promised. "And of yours as well, Ambassador."

She smiled and thanked him.

The stories continued on for some time as a few more tongues were loosened by drink.

Little by little as the night moved on she inched closer to Solas, until finally she rested her head on his shoulder.

"Are you tired, vhenan?" he asked quietly.

"A little."

"Would you like to retire for the evening?"

Winding her fingers together with his, she shook her head. "No. I'd like to stay a little longer. I don't want to miss out on the stories."

Brushing her hair back from her face, he said, "As you wish."

The gesture did not go unnoticed by the others, even those with more wine in the belly. None remarked or said anything against it, however, though Alarion did seem a little surprised at the shift in their interactions and behavior towards one another.

When the night came to an end, Solas escorted her back to her tent where she stood on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek before wishing him a good night. The Dalish guard in front of her tent tightened their grips on their spears, but relaxed when nothing more happened and she ducked into her tent.

The next morning Solas found his betrothed practicing several exercises on a hill with one of the Dalish. The two went through the set of moves with slow deliberate moves. He noticed Lavellan biting her lip the way she did when she was concentrating and wondered how much effort it took to control the prosthetic arm.

"Raise your elbow. Good. Don't forget to brace for the impact," the Dalish elf, Trissa, a female warrior with very short blonde hair, instructed Lavellan.

Clearing her throat, Trissa nodded in Solas's direction and Lavellan turned. The Dalish elf stepped in front of her, holding the polearm in her hands defensively.

"No need for that, Trissa. He's not a threat, as I keep telling you," Lavellan said dryly.

Trissa looked Solas up and down, barely concealing her sneer. "That remains to be seen."

"Yes, and while you're busy protecting me from my intended, you leave yourself open to my attack," Lavellan teased, tapping Trissa's leg with her staff.

Trissa knocked the staff easily aside with her polearm. "Please, your attacks are slower than that of a drunk bear's."

"You wound me, Trissa. Come, stand aside and let us speak. Or better yet, don't worry yourself so much about me and go find some breakfast."

"I would not leave you unprotected, Ambassador."

"You wound me, Trissa. I can defend myself well enough, remember? Go, find breakfast. That's an order."

Trissa looked like she wanted to protest, but grit her teeth and obeyed, turning back with narrowed eyes trained on Solas to let him know she was still watching him.

"I see not all the Dalish have come around after your night of stories and drinking," he remarked.

"No, but it was never going to be done all in one night. It will take time. She will see how comfortable I am with you and eventually it will turn into comfort for her. And the others. Hopefully," she grinned, stepping closer to him and leaning against her staff.

"You still believe it is a good plan?"

"Yes. I do. And you would be wise not to second-guess me. I'm very dangerous, you know."

"Ah yes, what was it the Peace Keeper called you? A god-killer? Should I be worried?"

"Oh, definitely," she teased, stepping closer to him with a coy grin. "If you are not careful I will unleash my mighty arsenal of spells and drop you flat on your back. Although, if that were the case, I might find you too irresistible and drop down on top of you to finish you off in a very different sort of way," she said in a low voice so only he would hear. "But I'm afraid for now I must keep my distance, as I'm certain Trissa and a few others are watching us very closely at the moment."

A dull ache of longing throbbed in his groin at the thought of rolling around with her in the grass. Still, he kept himself composed with his hands behind his back. "You are certainly killing me, I'll give you that," he smirked, his voice barely a whisper. "How many more weeks of constant supervision until we reach the Arlathvhen?"

She let out an audible groan. "Three. Assuming the travel runs smoothly. And then at least two more weeks after that at Arlathvhen, if not longer. And there will be more eyes watching us then. Do you think you can bear it?"

"I shall certainly endeavor to try and keep my hands off you. But you forget about the three weeks back for the return."

She groaned again. "No. I have already decided that everyone else who needs to return can fuck off for an afternoon so we can do the same. There's no way I'll be able to wait that long before consummating our bonding. It's torture already and it's only been a few days."

Solas couldn't help his smile. "You've survived longer periods than that, vhenan."

"Ugh. Don't remind me. Besides, that hardly counts. You left. This time, you're right there and I am very… willing for the chance to be alone with you."

"Yes, true. But… if you cannot wait," he said, lowering his voice still further, "Meet me in my tent."

"I tried that already. It didn't work," she said bitterly.

He frowned. "What do you mean?"

"I mean I tried to come by your tent this morning with a cup of tea as an excuse to see you and was turned away by your guards who thought I would use it to poison you. Which would make me the worst, most obvious assassin ever, I might add."

"They turned you away?"

"Yes, I'm surprised you didn't hear."

"I learned to sleep in camps with The Iron Bull and Varric snoring next to me," he reminded her. "Perhaps I could come to your tent then."

"Oh, no. No, that's a bad idea. Your guards will likely let me into your tent if you told them to let me in, but the Dalish guards will not let you within ten feet of my sleeping person, even if I did tell them to let you in."

"Let me guess, something to do with a Dalish adage about the Dread Wolf?"

"Obviously. Several, in fact. Best to stay clear of my tent. For posterity's sake."

He sighed. "And what of the night of the bonding? Am I to stay away from you then?"

She chewed on her thoughts for a moment. She had been trying to figure out how that part was going to work without much success. "I'm not really sure, to be honest. I think it's expected that we go into the same tent, but I'm a little afraid that the clans might require some sort of… confirmation."

"I will not lie with you in the center of a mob of Dalish, if that's what you're suggesting."

"Don't be so crass. I've never heard of a bonding ceremony where the couple wasn't allowed some privacy."

"A tent hardly offers privacy."

"You know what I mean," she hissed. "Besides, weren't you suggesting I stop by your tent just a moment ago? Why would that be any different?"

"You'll see…" was his sly response.

She narrowed her eyes at him. "What? A silencing spell? Oh, fine, keep your secrets. Maybe in the meantime, we might meet in the Fade? Tonight, perhaps?"

"I think that could be arranged," he agreed.

"And no unwelcome visitors this time, right?" she asked hesitantly, recalling her nightmare with the Dread Wolf all too vividly.

A knot of fear tugged at his stomach, but he shook his head. "Only the two of us."

Lavellan had trouble clearing her mind of all the dirty thoughts in her head that evening. When she was able to find focus and reach a meditative state to enter the Fade, she was pulled into a familiar pair of arms.

Solas slipped his hands down her back and kissed her. "You kept me waiting," he whispered in her ear.

"Is patience not a virtue?" she teased, given the irony of his incredibly patient persona most of the time.

His fingers began unbuttoning her shirt with desperate wanting. "Not now. Not when I want you." He spun her body around, brushing her hair aside to kiss her neck as his fingers slipped into her shirt.

A gasp escaped her and she opened her eyes as his fingers massaged and teased her. She hadn't looked properly at their surroundings until then and a stone dropped into her stomach at the sight. They were back at Skyhold, in the rotunda where he kept his office. He leaned against the desk in the center of it. "Here? Why here?"

"I thought someplace familiar would be best," he said simply, slipping one hand down the plane of her stomach to the laces of her pants.

She released herself from his arms, hastily covering her chest and staring around the room with a growing sense of dread.

Solas froze. "What's wrong? Are you al-"

But his sentence died on his tongue as the walls around him began to shift. Before they had been bare, but now they were covered with murals and a single, solitary half-finished section. A darkness fell about the room and the air around him became cold, like the chill of the desert sand at night.

She backed away from him until she hit a wall. Sinking to the floor, she curled in on herself as a shudder passed through her body, hand raked through her hair, muttering under her breath in curses he could not make out.

"Vhenan? I don't understand. What's happening?"

Silver lights fell down like gentle snowflakes from the void above. Holding out his hand, he touched one. A flicker of memory flashed before him and he saw her, her hair shorter, face a bit more gaunt, enter the room and look around. The thin, ghost-like figure haunted about the room, touching the dusty surfaces where stacks of his possessions still lay, coated in dust.

Another drop of memory touched his hand; she was there, sitting on the chaise lounge, staring at nothing.

Then another drop touched him and she was there again, flipping through the book on his desk. Leliana stood behind her, hands clasped behind her back respectfully as she bit her tongue. "You know he isn't coming back, Inquisitor. You shouldn't torture yourself like this. It's been months now. And my spies have found nothing. He could be-" she shook her head, holding back her comment. "He's gone. You need to accept that. He's not coming back."

"He has to…" Lavellan whispered. She touched her arm and Solas saw her dig her nails into the skin until it nearly bled, yet she didn't react.

Solas stepped closer, even though there was nothing he could do to help. Had she lost feeling in the arm? Had it spread so far in only a few months after her battle with Corypheus?

She gave a weary sigh and flipped through the notes on his desk. "He was planning something. I think it has to do with Skyhold. I think he knew about this place from before we came here."

Leliana approached to examine the papers. "Whatever it is, it hardly matters now. Skyhold is yours, Inquisitor."

She shook her head. "No. There has to be a reason why he left. There has to be an explanation."

Leliana gave her a look of pity she could not see. "He left. And he took his reasons with him, Inquisitor."

Lavellan snapped the book shut, her nostrils flaring in frustration.

Leliana leaned against the desk, assuming a more lax pose. "As your spymaster, I will continue to try and find answers, but after this long with nothing, I must tell you it is unlikely we will hear anything. He has vanished. And as your friend, I think you need to consider moving on from this."

Biting her lip, Lavellan said nothing and brushed the dust from her hands, staring up at the ceiling, hiding the glisten of tears in her eyes from Leliana.

"You know, you may need a drink. Or a man. Shall I send Cullen over with a bottle of wine later? I'm sure he'd be happy to offer you comfort."

"Are you going to offer Varric and a bottle of whiskey next? I'm not after a good shag, Leliana, I want… answers. I do not do well with questions spinning around in my head all day."

"So I noticed. Look, you have to find some way of putting him out of your mind. I know you don't want to hear it, but he left you. He ended things and then he left you."

"You think I don't know that?!" she snapped, slamming her hand down on the desk. It sparked and she swore, falling to her knees as tears streamed down her cheeks.

"Inquisitor!" Leliana bent down and put a hand on her shoulder. "It's getting worse, isn't it? Shall I get Dorian or the surgeon?"

"No. It won't make a fucking difference. Nothing can help it now." She dug her nails into the wood of the desk. "Inquisitor-?"

"Go, Leliana. Just leave me be. Please." For a moment, Leliana hesitated, then she righted herself and withdrew from the room.

Solas saw more flashes, moments in time, of her waiting for him to return. The first stop back from a trip and she would fling open the door of the rotunda, half-expecting him to have arrived in her absence. But he was never there.

He did not come to see her in the Fade, no matter how many times she meditated in this room, amongst traces of him.

And every time she entered the room, the hope in her dimmed and it was that subtle dying of the light in her eyes that crushed Solas like a physical blow. When he could bear it no longer, he froze the space around them and banished the memories back to the void above their heads.

Approaching her, he knelt and gripped her hand. "Vhenan… I'm so sorry." He couldn't think of what else to say.

"You never came back. I waited. But you never came back," she said in a despondent voice, buried in the despair of her memories of this place.

"I know. I am sorry." What could he say to make it up to her? Every footstep away from her had been agony, but he was compelled to leave. Without the orb, he had to find another way to reclaim his powers. Otherwise… he couldn't have saved her. Or his people. But he had waited. Too cowardly to return, even once he had claimed Mythal's power for his own. "Can you forgive me?" Not that he deserved her forgiveness. He never would.

She mulled things over in her mind. "I'm trying to. But I can't do that here. I have to go." And then she vanished, like smoke, pulling herself out of the Fade.

Solas awoke himself, taking a moment to collect his thoughts. No, he needed to make sure she was alright. That place, the effect it had on them both, pulling them into the hopeless shadows… He had to make sure she was alright.

Shoving his way out of his tent, he marched purposefully to her tent, but found spears pointed at his throat the moment he approached. "I just want a word with her," he said in an even tone.

"Back away, Dread Wolf. You are not welcome here." The Dalish sneered at him, raising their weapons.

Restraining himself from knocking the glaring Dalish aside, he called out to her. "Ambassador…" he started, leveling his gaze with the Dalish pointing a speartip at his throat. "I wish to know if you are well." He didn't want to let the two elves with sharp spears know that he had been meeting with her in the Fade.

Rustling came from inside the tent and she pushed the flap open and motioned for the two to put their spears down. They retracted them only slightly and she sighed, turning to Solas. "Yes. Good night. Let us speak in the morning," she said meaningfully, glancing at the two guards with a note of worry in her brow. Solas looked into her eyes, trying to see if she was alright, but her face revealed nothing of her inner thoughts. "Good night," she repeated.

He nodded solemnly. "Sleep well, Ambassador." Then he returned to his own tent, worried.

The next morning he found her at the base of a tree, meditating. Trissa and Ri'vai guarded her, raising their spears as he approached. "Put them down," Lavellan ordered, opening her eyes. "Really, you two," she scolded as they begrudgingly lowered their spears to let him pass.

"Am I disturbing you?" he asked her.

She shook her head and gestured for him to join her.

Solas understood she meant she wanted to speak with him privately in the Fade and joined her in meditation. They did not go far, landing in the same spot in front of one another, save for the fact that in the Fade they were alone and could speak freely without being overheard.

"Are you alright?" He could not help it. He had to know.

She ran her hand through her hair, avoiding his gaze. "I'm getting better." She was quiet for a minute, mulling over her thoughts. "It hurt, when you left. I was hurt. I carried it for a long time."

"I'm sorry." It wasn't enough, but he was sorry for the pain his actions caused. A proper goodbye would have been… Well, not better, perhaps, but something more substantial than his sudden disappearance. But how could he ever say goodbye to her?

"I thought you were dead, you know. There was a time…" she shook her head, trying to clear those thoughts from her mind. "I couldn't even reach you in the Fade. You left no note, sent no word… nothing. You vanished."

"I see now-"

"I thought you had killed yourself."

The words hung in the air as his sentence died on his tongue.

She dug her fingers into her knee and clamped her jaw shut, but her chest heaved to suppress the sudden sob that snuck up on her. It escaped her anyway and she clasped her hand over her mouth, tears falling down her cheeks. And then a heart wrenching laugh twisted her anguish into a smile. "But you were avoiding me." She laughed again, even though it wasn't funny in the slightest, except for its irony. "I thought you'd gone off and jumped off a cliff, but you had just left. I was so worried about you," her smile wobbled and her face reddened as she tried to regain control over her emotions. "Did you ever worry about me?" She glanced up briefly, but couldn't stand the hot gush of tears and tore her gaze away, ashamed.

"Yes, vhenan. I did. It was part of why I left."

"To find Mythal. To claim her power for yourself?"

"Yes," he said quietly.

Biting her lip, she nodded, swallowing back a sob. "And… You still stayed away. You didn't contact me. Didn't try to reach me. You could've come back at that point and taken my arm. You knew it was still killing me: the anchor, that is. Your anchor. But you didn't."

He reached out to touch her knee, but she shook her head and he let it fall to the dirt instead. "I could still sense the anchor when you tried to reach me in the Fade. I knew you were still alive. I-"

"No. No, you thought you knew I was still alive. But you also knew that I was dying, and you weren't there beside me to know for certain I wasn't near death. That's the difference between knowing and thinking you know. I thought I knew you loved me. But when you left it proved that I didn't really know if you loved me at all. It may seem like a small distinction, but it matters. Knowing matters. So tell me, am I a fool then? Because I know I still love you, even after all that."

It crushed his heart to see the pain in her eyes mixed with self-doubt. "No, vhenan. You are not a fool. I loved you then as I love you now. I was the fool. I was the one who thought I knew best. I was the one who was wrong. I see that now. And for my sins against you, I pray I can atone for what I've done."

She nodded soberly, sniffing back tears. "Then prove it to me."

"I shall," he promised. "However I can."

"Good. Good," she repeated. She reached for his hand and he took it, squeezing her hand.

Pulled suddenly from the Fade, they both pulled back their hands, which had been clasped together in the real world, at the sound of shouting.

"Back away from her!" Trissa yelled, shoving her spear's tip in Solas's face.

"Are you alright, Ambassador?" Ri'vai asked, glaring down the shaft of his own weapon at Solas.

She swore loudly and rounded on them, knocking their spears aside. "Stop it! Really! What is wrong with you two? I can't hold hands with my intended without weapons being drawn?"

Ri'vai looked slightly confused and uncertain, but Trissa was unapologetic, still pointing her spear in Solas's direction. "You were crying. Because of something the Dread Wolf did, I'm sure of it," Trissa growled.

Lavellan's face grew red with embarrassment as she wiped away her tears. "No he didn't. Stop pointing your spear at Solas. We were just talking and I got… emotional. He offered comfort. That is all. There's no need to worry, Trissa."

"And I'm supposed to believe that? I've heard stories about the Dread Wolf. I know what the trickster is capable of. He cannot be trusted."

Lavellan had had enough. Grabbing Trissa's spear in hand, she pulled it away and sent a crackle of electricity down the end of it, shocking Trissa's hands. She released the spear with a yelp. Trissa blinked at her, bewildered. But Lavellan turned to Ri'vai and in one swift move, pulled the spear from his hands as well. "You're like children. Look at him. Solas has been nothing but kind and good to you all since this started. Even with your stupid spears pointed in his face, he's kept his calm, which is more than I can say for you two. Now stop acting like he's the enemy. He's not. He's my intended. He is allowed to be with me without being considered a threat. Watch," she tossed one spear off into the bushes and handed the other to Solas. "If your intent is to bring harm to me, get it over with," she instructed.

He tossed the spear aside and placed his hands behind his back.

She smiled at him and extended her hand. He took it and brought it to his lips for a brief, chaste kiss. Turning back to her baffled guards, she raised her eyebrow. "Now, the two of us are going to take a walk before breakfast. And I'm going to hold his hand the whole time. You two are welcome to follow along behind and guard the both of us or go off to breakfast." With that she turned around, interlacing her fingers with Solas's. The two guards exchanged a confused glance, then retrieved their weapons and followed at a distance.

"Are you worried?" he asked her after some time.

"About them? No. They're still confused."

He was quiet for a moment. "Is there anything I can do to help ease your hurt?" he asked in a low voice.

"You're already helping me," she said, rubbing his hand with her thumb.

They received strange looks when they passed by the Sentinels and other Dalish guards at the campfire. The Peace Keeper noticed and took a break from peeling his apple to say, "Well, you two certainly seem to be acting like quite the happy couple."

"Should we act any differently, Keeper?"

He shrugged, turning his attention back to his knife and apple. "Depends. Not all couples in arranged bondings are so… amicable about the situation."

"Ah, yes, but you forget that I've known Solas for quite some time. We were friends for a long time. And quite close back in the days of the Breach, fighting side by side." She had little doubt all ears were trained on her words.

"Yes, it appears the two of you are quite comfortable with one another. Tell me, how was it you first met?"

"At the Temple of Sacred Ashes after the explosion. Well, sort of. I was unconscious for our initial meeting, I suppose. Solas was one of the people who found me and helped tend to my injuries. He saved my life."

"Is that so?" he eyed Solas, who recalled that the Peace Keeper had already seen her memory of his admission. He knew there was more to the story.

"Yes. He created wards for the mark on my hand and helped show me how to close Rifts, as well as the Breach, with its power. I'd be dead if not for him," she smiled at Solas.

"You have more than returned the favor, Ambassador. Back when you went by the title of Inquisitor, there were many occasions when you stepped in and saved my life," Solas reminded her. She gave him an appreciative look and her soft smile soothed him.

"That must have been something to see up close: the Breach. What was it like?" Alarion asked, glancing between the two of them and biting a slice of his apple.

The two exchanged private smiles and then they told the group the story of their first battle. All ears, Sentinel and Dalish alike, perked up and listened with great interest. Some of them even asked questions or wanted to hear about other rumors or stories they'd heard whispers of around their own circles.

And so it went for the rest of the next few days. Little by little, they talked about old adventures and the groups grew slowly more comfortable with the two of them and the arrangement between them. Every time they stopped for camp, the elves grew more comfortable not just with the two of them, but with one another as well. More stories were shared, and though the two groups were not exactly chummy, they had at least reached a mutual respect with routine.

The Dalish refused to let Solas anywhere near her tent, however. Though after a week of holding her hand, meditating side by side, and sitting around the campfire with their legs practically touching, the armed escorts had grown used to the familiar comfort with which the two interacted with one another.

But it wasn't until about halfway through their journey that something happened that changed everything.