Chapter 9: A Secret Hope
Solas gently shook her awake. Blinking sleepily up at him in the dark of the tent she asked, "What is it?"
"Come with me," he whispered.
She stretched, but obeyed and rose to follow him.
Taking her hand in his, he led her out of the tent, quietly, so as not to wake the sleeping guard a few feet away.
They followed a small goat trail lined with lush tropical plants. Large green leaves appeared black and shone in the pale moonlight overhead. Insects hummed unseen in the night.
"Where are you taking me?" she asked after a time, glancing about for some sign of a destination or a clue as to why she had been dragged from the comfort of her bedroll in the middle of the night.
"I saw a place in the Fade. Come; it is not much further."
They emerged into a small clearing where a large statue loomed up, swathed in vines covered in budding blossoms. He approached the statue and touched the tip of one of the buds. "This plant used to grow all over Arlathan. It blooms with the dawning of the sun. They are called Morning's Kiss. I wanted to bring you here to show them to you."
She blinked up at the starry sky above. "Dawn won't be here for a couple more hours at least. Why did we get up so early?"
He stepped closer to her, taking her hand in his. Her fingers were freezing and he warmed them between his palms. "Because there is something I wish to say. Something I wish for you to know."
She waited, somewhat afraid. The situation and circumstances reminded her all too well when he had taken away her vallaslin and ended their relationship. A sharp pain in her heart kept her wary and guarded.
"There is a chance, if I can restore the Fade and the waking world, that more may be restored with it. Magic will return. It will bloom within souls who have never shown signs beforehand. And people may change. I cannot be certain, but it is my hope that the elves will no longer be mortal. With magic restored, it is possible that you, the Dalish, and the other elves of Thedas may have their immortality restored as well."
She stared up at him, uncertain of what to make of his statement. "But you are not certain?"
He shook his head. "Nothing is certain. I cannot predict the fallout or the changes that will occur, but I can guess based on what I know. The creation of the Veil led to the loss of elven immortality. It is possible that removing the Veil may restore it."
She nodded slowly. "Why are you telling me this?"
The pad of his thumb grazed her cheek. "I kept it a secret. A private hope. One I dared not speak of in case I was wrong. But you give me strength, vhenan. And the orb, the one that you gave me, I have been studying it and I believe that there is potential to restore much more for the People than magic alone."
"That… would be amazing," she said, but when she looked up at him, his face did not reflect her same enthusiasm. Instead, he looked as if something else weighed heavily on his mind. "Vhenan? Is there something wrong?"
He shook his head, touching her chin. "Forgive me. I have been so entrenched in my melancholy and the certainty of my own fate. But you inspire me and give me hope. You reveal new possibilities. The thought of a long life with you… It makes me want to live. To survive all that will come and have a life with you. To have adventures and experience more of life than endless fighting. To have peace. Maybe even a family."
She saw it then: a glimmer of hope in his eyes. It warmed her heart and yet an icy spear cut through that feeling and her own face fell.
Solas saw and touched her cheek. "Vhenan?"
She reached up to cover his hand with her own, turning her face to kiss his palm before pulling it away. "I want that as well, Solas. But I do not know if it is something I will ever be able to give." She looked into his eyes, hesitating for a moment before she decided to tell him what she feared. "I may not be able to have children. Even without the potential damage to my body from the anchor's power, my mother struggled for a long time to conceive me and she suffered many miscarriages and died in childbirth. I do not know if I can give you a family."
He squeezed her hand reassuringly. "Family takes many forms. But that is a dream for later. Right now, all I want is you."
She smiled and kissed him. "I am yours, vhenan. For this night and all the nights to come."
He returned her smile, warmth flooding through his heart as he looked down upon her face. "And I am yours. There is still perhaps an hour or two yet before dawn breaks and this night is over. And we are alone," he pointed out. Though he needn't have done so. She could tell easily enough what he had planned by bringing her with time to spare.
"Yes. Quite alone. Almost as if you planned it that way," she smirked.
He took her in his arms. "I did. And I have more plans for you yet." Bowing his head, he brushed aside her hair and lifted her chin.
"Do you? What are these plans of yours?" she teased, trailing a finger down his chest and hooking it at the knotted laces of his shirt just below his heart.
Drawing her hand into his, he interlaced their fingers together. And then in one fell swoop he scooped her up in his arms and braced her back against the vine-covered stone.
A small gasp of surprise escaped her lips, but she wrapped her legs around him almost automatically.
Solas bit his lip in anticipation. "Well, my plans include several steps. The first is to test the strength of these vines," he said, lifting her wrist up to a particularly sturdy one she could easily grip for support. "The second is to remove this pesky bit of fabric between us," and as he said it he released her to free his hands. Then he gripped the fabric and tore it apart, scattering the buttons in the tall grass. Exposing her like this left her only in her undergarments. He quickly untied the laces on either side of her hip and threw the fabric to the ground carelessly. Then he locked eyes with her as he slowly unbuttoned his shirt. A small, private half-grin touched his cheek as her eyes roamed over his torso.
Angling himself just so, he slipped his hand between them and touched her in such a way that made her breath catch in her throat. His fingers spread the wetness of her arousal with tantalizing deliberation and she quivered at his touch. "The third step is to test the effectiveness of the silencing spell amongst my wards," he said with a coy grin, capturing her lips in a kiss as she bit back a moan. For several long moments he teased her with his fingers as their tongues danced together between eager lips. When he could not bear the pulse of his own throbbing desire any longer he unlaced his breeches and withdrew his cock.
She broke away, watching his lustful gaze as he slipped inside of her. A soft cry escaped her lips, her body arched, and her legs clenched tighter around him, drawing him in still further. "Solas," she gasped, biting her lip.
He began to thrust and she gripped the vine as tightly as she could. Summoning more vines to her with a spell, they curled around under her arms, helping to ease the strain as her palm grew slick with sweat and started to slip. By the time she cried out his name her body clung to him just as tightly as she clung to the vines for support. Solas felt her body clench around him as the sensations took her over the edge.
He stilled and caught her as her body went limp and she struggled for breath. The vines receded and she collapsed into his embrace as he carefully withdrew from her and lowered her feet to the ground.
Still shaky, she braced herself against the stone to catch her breath.
Solas watched her with a satisfied smile, stroking his length to ease the throbbing ache building inside of him.
Watching him, she shrugged the tunic from her shoulder and let it fall to the ground so that she was completely naked. The night air was warm against her skin, though goosebumps rose along her arms in anticipation at the hunger in his gaze.
He kissed her with eagerness. Her hand grasped his length and he groaned. Tongues warred with one another as they deepened the kiss.
His hands washed over her curves, cupping and squeezing to his heart's content. "I need you. I need to be inside you," he pleaded against her neck.
But she also knew how much he enjoyed the anticipation. Taking his hand, she lifted it and twirled as if they were entangled in a dance. She replaced his hand over her breast. Titling her neck, she moaned as he brushed back her hair and kissed her along the sensitive skin there.
His other hand slipped down between her legs. A deep growl emanated from his chest as he felt the faint pulsing of her fading orgasm. "Please, vhenan. I need to be inside you." Pressing himself closer to her, aching for her skin against his skin, he felt his member graze between her thighs, so tantalizingly close to the warm inner heat of her sex.
Reaching down between her legs, she stroked him, earning a low groan as he tried to retain his senses. His hips thrust between her thighs, sliding along her wetness. He massaged her breast and grazed her nipple in one hand.
She arched her back and bent forward as his hands roamed over her skin in a dance that sent delightful shivers up and down her body. "Then what's stopping you?" she teased, in a low, seductive voice.
That was his undoing. Taking her hand, he drew it up over her head to brace against the statue. Angling his body as she angled hers, he grasped his cock and positioned himself just so. Slowly, he sank into her, toes curling into the soft grass and earth as he did so. The ripe curve of her ass against him made it all the sweeter as he entered her wet warmth, groaning as he did so. He could not control his need any longer and began to thrust. And when she cried out again and her body clenched around his cock he quickened his pace and a few strokes later reached his peak as well.
He pulled away, breathless and spent, wiping at the sweat upon his brow.
She turned, leaning against the stone in exhaustion and patted it beside her, offering him a place to rest.
He joined her, relishing in the coolness of the stone as drops of sweat trickled down the back of his neck.
"Satisfied?" she asked with a coy grin. He chuckled and pushed off the stone, turning around to lean against it like her instead. "No," he replied, taking her hand in his. "I don't know if I will ever get enough of you, vhenan."
She grinned. "I feel the same. I can't believe we lasted so long without this. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy meeting you in the Fade, but this," she held up their clasped hands. "I missed this. Actual physical touch. Skin against skin," she smiled and embraced him, wrapping her arm around his waist and gazing up into his eyes.
"I understand," he said, cupping her bottom in his hands.
Her face suddenly fell as a thought struck her.
"What is it?" Solas asked.
"I just realized. We won't be able to sneak away to the Fade once we reach Arlathvhen." There would inevitably be many other mages there who would also be in the Fade, making private moments like this impossible.
"And that worries you?"
"Well, yes. I had assumed we might sneak off and consummate the bonding that way."
He chuckled. "Worry not, vhenan. You will have your perfect bonding night. I promise you that."
She looked at him skeptically. "Really? You're fine with all the Dalish hearing us 'bumping bits' as Sera would say?"
"I have plans," was all he said.
She gave him a look, but decided to let him keep his secrets. But there was one secret that nagged at her. "How did you know the guard was asleep?"
"Simple. I cast a sleeping spell over him."
She balked. "Really? My, he'll be angry with you when we get back to camp."
"More likely he will pretend not to have noticed, otherwise he would be blamed for falling asleep while on watch."
She laughed. "True. You ruined my shirt, by the way," she commented, picking it up and slipping it back over her shoulders.
"I think it is quite improved," he remarked, his gaze lingering on her bare chest.
"Do you want everyone else to see me like this? It may be difficult to explain. Besides, I can't sew the buttons back on," she said, raising her stump.
"Come here," he said, and with a wave of his hand the buttons flew up from the ground and reattached themselves to her shirt. "There, it is good as new. Though I still prefer you without any clothes at all."
"I could say much the same," she teased, buttoning her tunic. She waved her hand and cast a quick spell to help clean herself up before slipping on her underthings. "How bad is my hair?" she asked, examining a messy tendril. Solas tended to enjoy running his fingers through it, oftentimes leaving it in a very telling disarray.
He repressed a grin and beckoned her over to a log where he sat and gestured for her to sit before him. She sat and he gently combed through her hair with his fingers, humming to himself. The song brought a smile to her face.
He always admired the softness of her hair. Even after weeks of travel, the delicate strands were soft as silk as he ran his fingers through them. The faint scent of orange blossom rose from the hair oil she used and he inhaled the pleasant aroma. Once he had combed it through and removed the tangles he set to work plaiting it into a braid.
"Having fun?" she teased.
"Most certainly," he replied with a private smile, plucking a few small white flowers growing on a nearby shrub and adding them to the braid. "You have beautiful hair."
She grumbled something under her breath about it being a pain to deal with, but then added, "I wouldn't mind a hot bath. But I suppose that will have to wait until we reach Arlathvhen."
She sighed and relaxed against him. The stars above twinkled and shone in a spectacular display. "Do you ever wonder if there are planets like ours out there? Perhaps even someone else staring up at their sky and seeing the same stars, only in reverse?"
Solas tied off the end of the braid and looked up at the stars. "It is entirely possible. The universe is vast."
"Does it ever make you feel insignificant? I know when I look up at them, it makes me feel that way. But you're, well..." she trailed off, her face flushing a little as she murmured, "...more significant than someone like me."
"You are the most significant person I have ever met," he told her. "The universe may be vast, but it cannot compare to the impact you have had on this world, vhenan."
Taking his hand, she kissed his palm and held it to her cheek. "I know you blame yourself for many terrible things, Solas. But I hope you also remember the good that you've done as well. You freed the enslaved and saved the world from a horrific fate. Even though the cost was high, you saved people who would otherwise have perished. Your acts of kindness are not considered small to those you have helped. And those you continue to help. I hope you know that you too have a positive impact on the lives of others. And that is not insignificant."
He sat quietly, staring up at the stars overhead, dwarfed by an uncaring universe. And yet the stars shined down through the darkness, piercing the shadowy skies with their light. No, perhaps it was not insignificant. "Thank you, vhenan," he whispered, kissing the top of her head. He lowered himself to the ground, resting his back against the log, drawing her into his arms. Together they watched the stars, picking out constellations and sharing their favorite myths associated with them. They relaxed and after some time, lost themselves in the private moment.
The light of the sun colored the sky a dusky purple as the dawn slowly cut through the darkness. As the sun rose and touched the flowers, they unwound, blossoming into brilliant shades of blue, violet, and cream with golden centers.
"They're beautiful," she said softly, as if the slightest disturbance might make them disappear.
"They are," Solas remarked, picking one of the opened flowers and tucking it behind her ear. "As are you." He kissed her neck and a pleasant, contented sigh escaped her. A piece of his heart cherished the moment, committing every precious, fragile detail to memory. Staring up at the sky with her in his arms, time itself froze, casting the scene in brief, golden light of dawn, as if that sunrise itself was for them and them alone.