Pants

By Fishy and Dottie

Yusuke walks home from school quickly to avoid being trailed by Keiko. He opens his door to find Fishy and Dottie sitting quite contently on his couch... Dottie seems to be eating the trash on the table.

Fishy: Hey Dottie, eat this saran wrap I wanna see if you choke- oh! Hi Yusuke! How are you?

Yusuke: what the frick are you two freaks doing in my house! I thought I told you to leave me alone!

Dottie: (through mouthful of Saran wrap) Ubufsh? Wubba shima gabba!

Fishy: (looks over to Dottie and nods) I understand... (turns and whispers to Yusuke) I don't understand.

Yusuke: Atsuko! Why did you let them in!!!

Atsuko: (drunk) I think they're cute.

Yusuke: Cute!? CUTE!!! They're abominations! Now get them out!

Atsuko: I thought you were the tough one?

Fishy: yeah, I thought you were the tough one Yusuke? Huh! Huh!!!

Dottie: uffa ladda puh- (drool covered saran wrap flies out of Dottie's mouth to land on Yusuke's shoe)

Yusuke: ahh! I can't deal with this! (goes to call the babysitter, I mean Kurama)

Dottie: hey, I was eating that.

Fishy: FIVE SECOND RULE!

Dottie: Fishy, I can't count.

Yusuke: no shit Sherlock. (listens to phone ringing) wait, are you eating the trash in my house?!

Fishy: she's our regular garbage disposal. Aren't you Dottie?

Dottie: I don't believe in garbage.

Yusuke: (Kurama picks up phone) hello?

Kurama: Hello.

Yusuke: Kurama! Help! Please?!

Kurama: what's wrong?!

Yusuke: the worst thing imaginable. Hell has come for a visit and they're sitting in my living room.

Kurama: who?

Dottie: I CRAVE ATTENTION! (Sniffle) I want a cookie...

Fishy: didn't you hear her! She craves a cookie! I mean I crave a cookie! We crave cookies!!! (Takes one out of pocket. Dottie stares intently) want the cookie? Go get it!

Fishy pretends to throw the cookie towards the window. Dottie leaps off the couch and trips over the phone cord. Pulls the phone out of the wall as she leaps for the window. Fishy grabs her ankle and tugs her back down to earth.

Fishy: ah ah ah! You know what I told you about those windows!

Dottie: but I want the cookie! Where'd it go?

Fishy: (stuffs cookie in mouth) um... giant beavers... they ate it... yes.

Dottie: stupid beavers.

Yusuke: (yelling at the disconnected phone) hello! Hello!!! Kurama, are you there! Damn it!

Dottie: (grabs phone and starts talking) and blah blah blah so blah blah blah kissed blah blah blah so blah blah blah did blah blah blah! Hah hah!

Fishy: okaaaaaaaaay... did you know that one of your shoes is wet? (Shudders) oh my god!!! Why in creation are your pants tucked into your shoes?!

Yusuke: what? Oh I don't know. I think it's cool.

Fishy: you know what I think is cool, how ugly that looks.

Yusuke: how dare you come into my house, WITHOUT an invitation by the way, and insult me!

Dottie: she's right and even I know it. And I don't know much. Like for instance, I don't know anymore what I was talking about, but I know that I knew a second ago. Mm hm.

Yusuke: uh huh...

Fishy and Dottie both move towards Yusuke menacingly and unceremoniously pull the ankles of his pants out of his shoes then grab more of his pants and roughly pull his pants farther down. Not too far down though. Just so they aren't above his belly button!!!

Fishy: Dottie! Go for the hair!

Yusuke: what?!

Dottie: (sticks hand in Yusuke's hair. Hand gets stuck.) AAAHHH! IT ATE MY HAND FISHY! IT ATE IT! I CAN SEE THE BONE! I'M BLEEDING! I FEEL FAINT! (collapses to floor and yanks Yusuke down with her.)

Kurama walks through the door.

Kurama: oh my god! What are you doing?!

Fishy: what? Ooh fresh meat! Eugh, pink...

Fishy stares at Kurama's pink school outfit.

Dottie: I like pink.

Yusuke: I thought you were passed out?

Dottie: maybe I was, maybe I wasn't.

Fishy: and what about your hand?

Dottie: what about my hand?

Fishy: never mind. Kurama get over here. Dottie's stuck and Yusuke is unhappy. I'm worried he's going to start hitting us.

Kurama: alright. What is she stuck on?

Fishy: his hair! It's like a cement, except worse, 'cuz it's ugly!

Yusuke: I like my hair!

Fishy: yes well, the rest of the world doesn't.

Kurama: I think his hair's fine.

Fishy: well YOU would.

Kurama: what's that supposed to mean?

Fishy: nothing, just nothing.

Dottie: hey Kurama?

Kurama: yes?

Dottie: I think I have gang green.

Kurama: now why would you think that for any reason whatsoever?

Dottie: (opens mouth to say something) hey Kurama?

Kurama: (sighs) yes?

Dottie: do you think I'm a disease?

Yusuke: hell yeah!

Kurama: you're no disease dear, you're a full blown epidemic.

Dottie: (smiles) all right! But I'm no pack 'a puh-!

Fishy clamps her hand over Dottie's mouth.

Fishy: eh heh heh... you don't wanna know what she was going to say. Trust me.

Yusuke: I'll take your word for that.

Dottie slumps and falls asleep on Yusuke's head.

Yusuke: hey what is this a motel?!

Dottie: Narcolepsy is a rare condition that is virtually untreatable which causes victims to lapse in to minor slumbers at seemingly random intervals.

Yusuke: you don't suffer from narcolepsy!

Fishy: she will and you can't stop her. Trust me I've tried.

Kurama: well, while she's asleep why don't we attempt to detach her from Yusuke's head?

Fishy: I don't know. I'm surprised she doesn't already have his scalp ripped separate from his scull.

Yusuke: WHAT?!

Fishy: well look at the child's nails?

They pick up her other hand and look at her about centimeter long nails painted red.

Kurama: yeah, that could be hazardous to your health.

Fishy: there's only one other option. We'll have to amputate!

Yusuke: her hand?!

Kurama: doesn't she kinda need that?

Fishy: oh no! I wouldn't dream of it. I was talking about his head, what do you think, it's empty anyway.

Atsuko: (peeks head around corner) ooh! Burn!

Kurama: why don't we just cut his hair?

Yusuke: NO!

Fishy: come on Yusuke you're being childish! This is the only way to save your scalp!

Yusuke: I said NO!!!

Kurama: okay so-

Fishy: we're doing it anyway!!! Kurama hold him down! I mean, sit on him! (Giggles)

Kurama: no?!

Fishy: 'kay then, I'll sit on him.

Yusuke: no!

Fishy: then we strap him down.

Yusuke Kurama and Dottie: NO!!!

Yusuke and Kurama: hey?

Dottie: Claps for Dottie!

Fishy: (claps) bravo!

Dottie slides hand out of Yusuke's hair and claps happily

Yusuke: AND YOU COULD HAVE DONE THAT THE WHOLE TIME!!!

Atsuko: if you didn't get so hot and bothered about it she would have done it earlier.

Yusuke: THIS IS WHY I DON'T LET THEM IN MY HOUSE! (storms up to his room)

Fishy: so, Kurama. The pink. And I thought orange was the new pink.

Kurama: well I'll just be going so-

Dottie: BANZAI!!! (Jumps onto Kurama's back. He topples to the ground so that Dottie is sitting on the small of his back pounding on his shoulder blades) HORSIE!!!

Fishy: I pity you, you have to wear pink around Dottie.

Dottie: (puts her slimy hand on the back of his hair. It gets stuck) uh oh... um... sorry...

Kurama: sorry?! Sorry what?!!!

Fishy: well, I guess you're not sleeping alone tonight. Wonder what your mom's gonna think.

Kurama: oh god! Is it stuck to me?!

Dottie: it... it? it! IT! IT!!! (Starts sobbing uncontrollably and tugging at Kurama's hair trying to cover her face)

A/N: see how well Kurama fares with Dottie attached to his head for the night... or who knows how long? Because quite honestly who knows what Yusuke puts in his hair...

DUN DUN DUN!!!