Pants Chapter 3
By Fishy and Dottie
A/N: okay, so know this has been a long abandoned story but we reread it and we decided to work on it again. Or at least for this chapter.
Kurama was lying awake with Dottie's snores in his ear.
Kurama: I never knew there was a hell on earth. . .but here you've proved me wrong.
Fishy walked in, wearing pants with purple fortune cookies on every corner of it, along with a loose shirt a disturbing shade of green that matched her sleep-ruffled hair. It looked all crusty.
Fishy: STOP WHINING, YOU WHINING LITTLE WHINY WHINER. The voices and I can hear you, and it makes us want to kill you and your little pink uniform too. . . and your annoying long vocabulary too. And many other things that are inexplicable evil about you. Trust me. (odd stare) I would know. . .
Kurama: . . .Sorry?
Fishy: You should be.
Kurama blinks confused at Fishy.
Dottie: But mommy, you said I was a pie already. . . (rolls over, pulling Kurama's head along with her)
Kurama: URK!
Fishy: Oh, this is too much fun. We really should do this more often.
Dottie: (mumbles) BUT YOU PROMISED ME A CHICKEN WING FOR A BROTHER!!! (throws up hands wildly)
Kurama: DEBOU WA ASE O TAKSAN KAKIMASU!!!
Fishy: (watches with interest) Look at that, potty mouth. I MUST RETREIVE THE SOAP FROM THE ENEMY BASE!!!
Dottie: Oh, god, she's gone to get the soap. She likes that nasty tasting soap. It smells like ice cream . . .
Kurama: Ice cream doesn't smell. And you were awake that entire time, and pulling me all like that?!
Dottie: It smells like purple. And yes, Kurama, sweetie.
Kurama: SWEETIE?!
Dottie: Yes?
Kurama: . . .I despise you.
Fishy: I have returned. . . the rebel base is now up in flames. Fear me. (Shakes fist and holds up soap)
Kurama: Leave me alone, and keep away from me with that soap.
Fishy: Ah, but Kurama, don't you LIKE ice cream?!
Dottie: SWEET SNOW! It's sweet snow.
Fishy:…er, yes, why not.
Kurama: NO. I don't.
Fishy: Yes you do.
Kurama: no.
Fishy: You crave the very essence of it as a primal being. Dottie, hold him!!!!
Kurama: (shrieks) Dottie, don't hold me!!
Dottie: (head in hands) SO CONFUSED! I PLEAD THE FIFTH!
A shriek is heard from the closet. The current fight was aborted for the moment. Hiei walked in, looking very ruffled, and bearing long scratches that looked like the work of a panda. A fat panda.
Hiei: I don't think I want to know what that panda was trying to do to me.
Fishy: . . .but the rebel base? Then that means . . . LUTETIUM!!!
Kurama: I am now in a state of shock and blocking this from my memory. Ah, there we are. . . .
Dottie: Kurama? KURAMA?! (Buries face in hands. Kurama is yanked once more)
Fishy: ah ha hA HA HA!
Kurama: . . . .Wait (quickly devises plan)
The room is silent in awe of the brainpower of the mighty kitusne.
Kurama: . . .I have to pee. Bad. (squirms)
Dottie: (slips hand out) Mr. Peebody!
Kurama: YES! I HAVE THE FREEDOM OF PEEING ON MY OWN! I mean, uh, being on my own. . .but I suppose for now I will be satisfied with peeing. . .
Fishy: Now if you didn't use such long words you wouldn't wet your pants so often.
Kurama: (looks down) Oh. I see.
Dottie: I used to do that all the time (big breath to ready for singing in tune) I'M A BIG KID NOW!!! (jingling sounds. Fishy pulls out a tambourine). . . I am hungry.
Fishy: We'll get you some good nutritious trash. It's all part of balanced breakfast. . .
Kurama: It's not breakfast. And TRASH!?
Fishy: SHUT UP POOP BOY!! And unsoil yourself in the bathroom! You are starting to attract the odors!
Hiei: Yes, please fox, do us all a favor.
Fishy hits Hiei with HIS katana. Unfortunately Hiei won't remember it due to the concussion that ensued.
Hiei: WHERE THE FUCK IS IT?! I know it's near. . .
Fishy: Keep guessing and maybe I will say yes if you guess right. Maaaybe.
Kurama quickly runs off to bathroom after having stared at himself doubtfully for the past few moments. How could he have peed?
Fishy: I suppose we'll have to feed her someday. . .
Hiei: You mean the pink one?
Fishy: . . .no.
Dottie: I wish I had cow wings so I could fly and eat all the lactose I wanted. That's what the media says about being fat. (holds up MTV poster while nodding)
Hiei: Y-
Dottie: HEIFER BOY!!!
Hiei: O. . .kay then.
Fishy: The dumpster, for instance is a good source of vitamins, but it's not cheap as the policemen have been telling us we have to pay for the trash (ramble ramble). . and that is why the green bananas are the WORST to eat. (claps happily)
Dottie: CLAPS FOR DOTTIE!
Fishy: (claps for her) YAY!
Hiei: (at a loss. Does not clap)
Fishy and Dottie give him the evil eye. Somehow the two girls doing that scared him more than one of them. But three that's a different story.
Dottie: KICHI!!! Come say hello to mister super Hiei and give him a great big fat cholesterol filled hug of obesity.
Kichi bounds in. Hiei is tackled and is dragged, kicking and screaming up the stairs, into a seemingly spare bedroom.
Fishy: Vash ish daskh?
Dottie: Ma pantaloons c'est aoi.
Fishy: I'm sorry would you like a cough drop? (holds out a silver platter with escargot. . . in rainbow colors even) We have them in blueberry, mint, cherry, lemon, raspberry, lemon, and periwinkle.
Dottie: Can we get my some flying stuff yet?
Fishy: OH, I'm sorry dear, slipped my gray old grimy mind. Now lock Kurama in the bathroom and make sure Hiei's okay up there. On second thought, just Kurama. Hiei will be fine. . .Kichi and him need some alone time.
Dottie: Oh, fun job! (claps!) Claps for Shishi!
Fishy: (claps halfheartedly) Just go, dear.
Dottie walks away.
Fishy: . . .and I so hoped she would grow out of that clapping thing. Just like the measles, that it is. KENSHIN YOU'RE MY IDOL!
There is a muted scream. Dottie bounds down the hall.
Dottie: His pants are funny colors. They still smell, but not as much. They're funny.
Fishy: Yes, I know, now let's feed you shall we?
A/N: well, be happy. It made us happy while it lasted. . . all five pages of it. Now here are some of our sacred words of wisdom meaning the meaningless crap from out minds. . .
THE MOON RULES #1!!!
And he says he has a hairy back. . . heed us. . .
Let's see how long it takes us to write the next chapter…
Chapter Preveiw: lost in the dark. . . okay not really but take one guess at the character that may just happen to casually and very nonchalantly waltz into the stanza. . . of writing, which we are currently embarking upon. . . only not because we're filthy lotten riars. . .
YOU ARE THE WEAKEST LINK!!!
Goodbye…