Pants
Chapter Six: . . . YESH INDEEDY!
A/N: Here we are again…we've got our thinking caps on…
God. We're lazy Asses. We promise we'll …update…okay, not really. To quote the nerd…"ThisIS an update damnit!" Which nerd I cannot say. But mostly, it's Dottie.
We swear to god. It's not a filler chapter. It's filled with, like, PLOT.
CHAPTER COMMENCE
But first…
Okay. Now.
The party was all set up on a lovely folding table that the two had pulled out the storage shower. There were exceedingly uncomfortable chairs as well. But stylish, of course, like those freaky animal barstools at the Rainforest Café. They were in the trademark purple and pink.
Touya: So you seriously called me here . . . to do "role call".
Dottie: . . .yes well, our brains . . .(trails off)
Touya: You said you needed help with the plumbing…?
Fishy: They needed plumbing!
Dottie: Our brains, she means. We're having trouble with waste disposal.
Fishy: We're just such fascinating people.
Touya: Right. Well . . .I'm going to call role now, and then I'm gonna leave. As soon as possible.
Dottie: ASAP! But really, we couldn't expect any more of you. (Smiles eerily)
Touya: Okay . . ."Mr. Peebody"?
There was a silence.
Dottie: That's Kurama!
Kurama: Damnit, no! But yes, I am here.
Touya: Right-o. Okay . . .Kichi The Fat/Evil Panda?
Kichi: (weird panda lovemaking sound)
Hiei: Mmrrph!
Touya: (checks off Kichi and Hiei)
Shishi Wakamaru: What about me? Me, hiding in the shadows…(twitches)
Touya: Well…you're not on the list . . .that's okay too though. . (Checks off the newly added "Stupid Bakamaru") and…who's next?
Dottie: (raises hand)
Touya: Actually, you're not.
Dottie: But I wanna ride the pony! I heard it smells like pie in saran wrap…
Fishy: Hahah . . .what pony would smell like THAT! We all know they smell like the Rainforest Café.
Touya: That's . . .nice. Um, Fishy and Dottie are here . . . (adds frowny face to the end of Dottie's name)
Fishy: I saw that, and I want a balloon too!
Touya: (adds frowny face to Fishy's name as well) There you go . . . Okay, um, "Horace"? . . .
There was another one of those awkward silences that were happening a lot today.
Touya: . . .okay, no. (crosses out name) I'm gonna go take the metro. Bye.
Fishy: . . .okay, bye now.
Kurama: It was nice seeing you again.
Hiei: Mmmmph! (Translation: He lies!)
Dottie: Weel mish yooo!
Touya: Yeah. Bye.
Fishy: Get going, what're you staring at us for?
Touya leaves, and he goes on to join a Broadway performance. Later, he washes out and sleeps in a gutter for several months. But the rest is up to fate . . .and Kichi.
Photon: You guys forgot me.
Dottie: Huh? What? Did you hear something, Fishy?
Fishy: You should've said something, incestuous nerd!
Photon: uh . . .oh . . .but I did . . .
Hiei: Mmmmph! (Translation: He lies!)
Photon: Actually . . .I am male . . .
Everyone dutifully ignored this. Dottie looked at her shoes. Fishy looked at her shoes as well. Kurama looked at Hiei's shoes, which were sticking out of Kichi's folds of fat. Lovey fat...
And then!
Need I say suddenly!
There was a "Beep!" as the lights went out, followed by the Carbon Monoxide alarms!
Dottie: We're going to die of evil death of dying!
Fishy: Or, y'know, like, Carbon Monoxide poisoning . . .or something.
Kurama: Actually, that's not very likely -
Dottie: I'm not likely your butt!
Kurama: No. .I guess not . . .
Photon: So. Can anybody see?
Kurama: Normally we could see Hiei's eyes because they get glowy in the dark –
Dottie: And how would you know that! Somebody was in the closet!
Fishy: Yeah!
Hiei: Mmmph! (Translation: He lies!)
Yusuke barges inside. But nobody can see.
Yusuke: I'm here to save Keiko!
Silence.
Fishy: Keiko is obnoxious!
Dottie: and not here!
Kurama: nobody likes Keiko…
Yusuke: Kurama?
Kurama: . . . no.
Yusuke: what's going on! (scuffle noises and Yusuke shrieks) holy God! Somebody just groped me and stole my pants! I have been violated…
Dottie: Oh no!
Fishy: what? Are you missing your pants too?
Dottie: yes, but for a completely different reason. I uh… don't know.
Hiei: mrrph mrrrphahahhph! (Translation: somebody has mine too so now I'm stuck wearing my tear-away dress thing!)
Everybody: riiiiiiight.
Kurama: sweet baby Jesus! Somebody got me pregnant and stole my pants! And I don't even have a uterus!
Fishy: are you sure you never had one?
Kurama: yes!
Yusuke: so who here still has pants?
Photon is mysteriously absent. Even though they can't see her. Everybody forgot. Forget. (Creepy arm motions)
Fishy: I posses the pants of steel! Only, their name is Fred.
Kurama: you don't make much sense.
Dottie: do always have to!
Abrupt ending…