"Cliché"
Written By: anti-nostalgic kuma
Disclaimer: Nope. I don't own them. They belong to the wonderful Maki Murakami. Me? I just write about 'em. Oh, and, incidentally, I think I write about them a heck of a lot better than that novel version that came out... I mean, what the crap? ...It didn't stop me from buying it, though... And it probably won't stop me from buying the others whenever they come out... sigh I am such a loser...
Summary: Shuichi and Eiri explore the clichés of fanfiction.
Author's Notes: This isn't meant to offend anyone. I just happened to notice that there are a lot of clichés in Gravitation fanfiction and it started to get on my nerves a little bit... Okay, so, understatement of the century... I believe my exact words to my friends were along the lines of "if I read another fanfic where Shuichi starts wearing Hot Topic clothes and goes all punk/goth, I am going to kill myself". I don't mind it when people write stories, but there should be some originality in them! I must have seen about...oh...twelve of those on Ugh. And I've yet to see it done differently. They're all the same; Yuki and Shuichi fight, blah blah, Shuichi leaves him and runs off to America, blah blah, comes back with a goth makeover and a new band, blah blah blah! So overused, so unrealistic, so... ick. It's not like I have a thing against gothic people--my sister is gothic and i have tons of friends who are, too... and i've dabbled with my share of black clothing and combat boots, but come on!... Eiri is much more goth than Shuichi! But, I digress... On with the fic! Warning! This is entirely dialogue and there is absolutely no plot. You have been warned.
"Yuki?"
"...What is it?"
"..."
"..."
"..."
"...You know, when you say my name like that, it sort of leads me to believe that you're going to ask me a question."
"I am going to ask you a question! ...I just don't know how to word it yet..."
"Well, while you're figuring that out, I'm going back to sleep. Goodnight!"
"Hey! Don't pull the blankets over your head! I'm trying to ask you to marry me here!"
"...What!"
"...Will you marry me?"
"Not in this lifetime!"
"Yuki!"
"I'm being honest! There is absolutely no way I would ever be compelled to marry you! ...In fact, I'm almost positive that it would be illegal!"
"Yuki! Love knows no laws!"
"Good. You can explain that to the government."
"Why won't you marry me!"
"Because! Jesus, why do I have to justify myself to you? I said 'no', and I meant 'no'! Now leave me alone so I can sleep!"
"Yuki, if you don't marry me right now, I swear, I'll run off to America, get a new band AND a new boyfriend, and turn all Goth on you! Huh! How do you like me now, Yuki!"
"...You go do that. Maybe then I'd get some sleep."
"Did you even hear the new boyfriend part?"
"Of course. I just didn't care."
"Gah! What's the big deal! We live together, we sleep together, we love each other... we're practically married already! What's the big deal with making it offical?"
"What's the big deal with keeping things the way they are?"
"Ah! Isn't there any way that you would marry me?"
"Yes. If I were hit on the head and forgot who I was and how annoying you were."
"Yuki!"
"What's the matter? Can't handle the truth?"
"Are you saying that you wouldn't marry me, even if by some weird coincidence I became pregnant with your child?"
"...What are you smoking?"
"Yuki! Nothing! Now answer the question!"
"...More importantly, why aren't you sharing?"
"Wah! Yuki! If you don't stop being so mean to me, I'll leave you for... for... Hiro! Or Ryuichi! Or...or Tatsuha!"
"Peh. Yeah, sure you will... I've been trying to get rid of you for two years now, and now you're deciding to leave? Color me estatic."
"God, Yuki, you're such a bastard! Maybe if you really did hit your head and get amnesia, you'd be nicer to me."
"Yeah, sure, that's likely... About as likely as me baseing a character off of you subconciously in one of my novels because of writer's block."
"You know, this isn't fair! You never treated any of your girlfriends like this!"
"If I did, they wouldn't have slept with me, now would they?"
"Well, then... I won't sleep with you again until you're nice to me! Take that, Mr. Romance Novelist!"
"Oh...I'm so disapointed... How will I ever survive without your expertise in the bedroom? Surely I will parish..."
"Stop being sarcastic!"
"Can't help it. It's a reflex. And I'm so damn good at it."
"Why do I even bother? I'm not a girl, so you won't be nice to me. You're always telling me how much I suck as a lover. You never have anything positive to say about me! Nine out of ten times, I'm stuck sleeping on the couch when you've got a huge king sized bed all to yourself! And when I do get to sleep in the same bed as you, you hog all the covers! I try and I try to get you to love me, but nothing ever works! I love you, but you hate me! And, God help me, I still can't leave you! You're so mean to me, Yuki! Why do you hate me so much!"
"..."
"..."
"...Hey, now..."
"Hmm?"
"...I...I don't hate you, alright?"
"...You...you don't?"
"...No, I don't."
"Then...what was the long-suffering sigh for?"
"I sighed because you're irritating."
"I thought you said you didn't hate me!"
"I don't! That doesn't change the fact that you grate on my nerves! And, in my defense, you knew I wasn't a nice guy before you got involved with me, so get used to it!"
"..."
"..."
"..."
"Are you crying now!"
"Y-yes!"
"What in God's name for!"
"...I-I...I just want Yuki to be sweet and say nice things to me for just one day, instead of saying nice things to the ghost you think I am!"
"..."
"..."
"...I'm sorry."
"...Y-yuki?"
"...You know, I do you see you... It's not like that anymore."
"...I know... Yuki doesn't lie to me whenever it's important."
"...Did anyone ever tell you that it's creepy you refer to me in the second person whenever I'm right in front of you?"
"Only Hiro. And Tatsuha. And Mika... Oh, and Tohma, too... And Suguru said I was weird for doing it... And Sakano and K both agreed with him... And the make-up artist and the hair stylist... And now you, too."
"...You're so bizarre... How the hell did I end up with a nutcase like you? Next to you, my split personality disorder looks like a cute personality quirk. I suddenly don't think that I should be the one who goes to see a shrink. You are way crazier than I ever was."
"Yeah, well... At least I never ran away from home because I was forced to eat celery!"
"Shut up!"
"Great! Now we're back to square one! You're being mean and you still won't marry me!"
"That's right. Why get married? I have better ideas..."
"...Mmm... Yuki..."
"..."
"...Hee hee, that tickles!"
"..."
"...Oh... Yuki? Where are you going?"
"To get some strawberries."
"For what?"
"What do you think, idiot?"
"...Oh... Oh! I see!"
"...Retard."
"...But, Yuki... isn't that a little... cliché?"
END
Author's Notes: Hmm... somehow that ending seems a little... I dunno... imcomplete? Oh well! I hoped you liked it! Reveiw!