Moments Of Weakness

by siriusly delusional

Eiri reflects on the moments that changed his life. Written as if he is writing to Shuichi.

"Moments Of Weakness"

Written By: Emily Fisher

Summary: Eiri reflects on the moments that changed his life. Written as if he is writing to Shuichi. The first moment happens during the first book, after Shuichi asks Eiri to go to the concert and before he goes and surprises Shuichi. I thought this would be a good space-filler, since he's supposed to have plans with Mika the night of the concert… Enjoy!

-The First Moment  Are You Happy-

I never should have gone drinking with Mika. Looking back, that's where nearly all of this got started. If I had just stayed home, forced myself to focus on another chapter through my perpetuate writer's block and not given into her insistent nagging, maybe the chain of events that followed, all of these moments of weakness, would have never become reality. Then again, maybe not. Maybe I'm wrong and my moments of weakness come from another, more elusive source. Nonetheless, one thing is for certain; from that night on, the life I thought I knew, all of the barriers I had carefully constructed around myself to keep others from getting in, began to crumble at their once indestructible foundations.

And all because I had to go and swallow my pride for a few measly beers with my idiot big sister.

Mika and I had decided to meet at the bar down the street from my apartment, where Mika is a regular and I only venture into whenever I am desperate for beer and inspiration. After all, you wouldn't imagine how many lover's spats find a home here and if I am having a particularly slow writing day, I can always use their fights as a scene in my current book. Nine out of ten times it works.

All in all, it isn't that terrible of a place. I believe she took you there once, to make you help her force me to go home, but this was before that. It had low lighting that night which gave off an almost reddish-haze and there wasn't a single no-smoking sign in sight, both of which I was thankful for. To this day I still kick myself for letting Mizuki put my picture on the back of all of books. I haven't gotten a day of peace since. Due to my company, Mika chose to sit in a booth at the far back, rather than up front at the bar to chat with the bartender. We both ordered drinks and waited in silence for our orders to come to us, neither of us speaking a word.

When the drinks came and we both got a few much needed sips, my sister began to make small-talk and idle chit-chat, which I returned half-heartedly. I know her well enough to know that she hadn't invited me here just to chat about Tatsuha's new job or Tohma's recent business hours. There were many reasons for her to want me here, but the most probable reason was to get me to go home to my dying father, which I was not about to do. Why does that matter so much to her, anyway?

"Eiri," she said finally, as we were half-way through our second drinks and she was lighting up one of my cigarettes, which she had taken without asking. "Are you happy?"

Well, I definitely hadn't been expecting that. I raised a perfect blonde eyebrow at her question, surprised. "What kind of question is that? 'Am I happy'? What are you talking about?"

Mika rolled her eyes at my harsh tone, dark orbs which contrasted so heavily from my own, which were now staring broodily at the amber liquid in the glass in front of me. "Just answer the damned question, Eiri."

The alcohol must have been getting to my head, because I gave her a truthful answer. "Honestly? No. Not at all."

When I looked up at her, Mika had that damned self-satisfied smirk on her face as she sipped her martini, crossing her arms triumphantly over her chest. Gods, I hate that look. "Ha! I knew it!"

I glared at her. Sometimes I seriously wish that looks could kill. "Fine! I open up to you and you brag about it. That's it then, I'm done talking!" It was my turn to cross my arms over my Armani suit jacket and red dress shirt that you like, my hazel eyes focusing hazily on the beer once again, sulkily.

"Oh, quit pouting!" Mika aimed a solid kick at my shin with her heels under the table. I hissed out in pain, looking around, hoping that I hadn't attracted too much attention. The last thing I needed was some rabid fan girl to recognize me and beg me for my autograph. "Who would have thought you'd be such a whiner when you're drunk?"

"Who would have thought you'd be such a bitch when you you're drunk?" I ignored her flabbergasted expression and took a long gulp of my beer. Eventually she got exasperated and returned to the original topic of discussion. "What's not to be happy about? I mean, you've got money, looks, and practically the entire female population of Japan begging to sleep with you. Most guys would kill to be in your shoes. Doesn't that make you happy?"
Some sorry saps, like you for instance, might say I answered honestly a second time because somewhere, deep in my subconscious, I wanted to get this off my chest and work on solving all of the problems I've somehow managed to compile since the tender age of sixteen. Me, I blame the booze. "It's not about the money or the women," I confessed, swirling around the beer in the glass idly. "I want something more than that; someone who wants more than my looks, my money, or my talent… I want someone to want me for who I am."

Mika snorted and I looked up, slightly abashed. "You really expect that to happen when you don't even let yourself see who you really are?" I wanted to cringe. Somehow she always manages to hit the nail on the head.

"Maybe I'm afraid," I said after finishing my third beer, senses blurring together from inebriation. Since when had I become such a lightweight when it came to alcohol? Was this stuff really that strong? It must have been, because I woke up the next morning with a major headache.

"Wow," my sister said softly, her expression hard to read through the dim lighting and reddish haze of the bar lights, "he really destroyed you, didn't he, little brother?"

My mind picks the oddest times to remember things. Things like those crumby lyrics of yours that I read that night in park. I did tell you, after all, that they are too terrible to forget. Destiny is unstoppable… it always overpowers me, it doesn't care a thing for my fears, it takes my love and it devours me… They're crappy lyrics, it's true, but oddly descriptive. There was no doubt that there had been feeling behind them. Don't let that get to your head. It wasn't a compliment. "Shuichi Shindou," I murmured, trying on your name, seeing how it tasted as it rolled off my tongue. It caught Mika's attention immediately.

"Who's Shuichi Shindou?" Her curiosity always did get the better of her.

I sighed deeply, lighting up one of my Virginia Slims. I had already had enough to drink. "He's just some kid I know… A high school senior at Tohoku… Wants to be a singer or something…"

Mika smirked, leaning a little closer. "Is he cute?"

I laughed. You? Cute? Not exactly the first adjective I'd use to describe you. "He's a dirty little punk! …But I think he's in love with me… Actually, I'm nearly positive that he's in love with me." I let the cigarette hang from my mouth as I ran a hand through my hair. "Everything I say or do, he reacts so passionately to… Even before he found out who I am, how famous I am… He jumped in front of my Mercedes Sle just to talk to me…" I couldn't conceal a smile at that. You really are a real, genuine, bona fide idiot. "Gods know why he's in love with me. I've been nothing but mean and cruel to him…" I reached into my pocket, about to pay the bill, and noticed the concert ticket you had given me.

I pulled out enough yen to pay for both me and Mika and stood up, wobbling slightly on my legs. "Well, Mika, it's been fun, a real blast…" I pulled on my coat, took a long drag on my cigarette, and looked down at my sister, smirking slightly. "I'm sorry, but I won't be able to make it on Friday night… Something else came up."

The moment I walked out of that door and decided to go to your blasted concert was the first moment of weakness I've had in six years…

Author's Notes: So, what do you think, huh? The idea for this series has been bugging me to no end! I had to write it or I was going to explode! I hope you liked it! Write what you think on the back of this sheet of paper!

: Okay, so, this is more of an inside joke that I have with myself about Eiri smoking Virginia Slims. Since Virginia Slims are cigarettes that are marketed towards women and their packaging is so feminine, I think it would be really funny if Eiri were to smoke them, since he spends a good part of Gravitation saying how manly and macho he is and that he's not gay. Keh, 'not gay' my ass! Do you know that he says that almost always right before or right after he has kissed Shuichi? Anyways, goodbye, minna-san!