Chapter 29: Unanticipated

Cullen stayed and for the next few days he kept her company. He always steered away from subjects that related to Solas or her current life with him, focusing instead on past memories and other pleasant topics of conversation. The two also played several games of chess and a few rounds of Wicked Grace in the evenings after dinner. Still, no matter where they went, Abelas was never far off, always keeping them in sight. Not that this bothered her. Cullen was careful to tread within the realm of friendly banter when they were together, though there were times after he had a few glasses of wine when his remarks became… cheekier than usual. In such moments Lavellan was quick to remind him of his manners, but for the most part there were no further incidents.

And while his presence in her life was a positive change, it was not enough to offset her melancholy on the sixth day of his stay. The reason for this was due to her partner's absence. Solas had been due back the evening of the previous day, but evidently something had delayed him. In her worry, all she could do was pace and or lie in bed, pretending to read.

On the second day, Abelas had had enough. "Wearing a hole in the carpet will not do anything to speed up his arrival. There was an incident with a local village that is causing him to extend his stay. He will be back soon," he told her as he practically dragged her out of her room. "Now, eat your meals so we can both go about our day."

"Stop treating me like a child," she spat back, ripping her hand from his grasp.

"What's going on here?"

She turned to see Cullen, who had evidently grown worried and was waiting for her outside in the hall. He glowered at Abelas and came to stand by her side, crossing his arms in an intimidating fashion. Abelas returned his glare. "This does not concern you." Turning back to Lavellan he changed tactics. "Please, my lady. You must eat. You hardly touched your meals from yesterday."

Cullen's concern was practically palpable. She didn't even need to look at him to know he was fixing her with a look informing her he wholeheartedly agreed with Abelas. Grimacing, she begrudgingly agreed and headed down to the dining room for lunch.

After forcing herself to finish half a plate of roasted squash with plum sauce and farro, she listened to Cullen's story about templar rations with mild interest.

An hour later, an attendant hurried into the room, slightly out of breath, and smiled at Lavellan. "Fen'Harel has returned, my lady. He's just come through now."

With surprising speed for a heavily pregnant woman, she sprang up from her seat and hurried down the halls, towards the main eluvian in Solas's office. Abelas kept pace behind her with her guard, who just managed to reach the doors before she did. Flinging them open, she rushed in, her heart melting as soon as she saw his face.

Solas's weariness disappeared the moment he saw her and he closed the distance between them with enthusiasm, wrapping her in a tight embrace. "Ma vhenan. I have missed you more than I can say." He tucked her hair behind her ear, cupping her cheek to gaze at her after so long apart.

"You're back," she said, relief washing through her as she looked up into his eyes, blinking back tears of joy, hardly daring to believe it. Their time apart had felt like an eternity.

Solas drank in the sweet orange blossom scent of her hair. Oh, how he had missed her. Despite the small audience of guards, he lifted her chin and kissed her. When he broke away, he couldn't stop smiling, he was so overcome with joy. "I see you did not have the baby without me. How are you feeling, ma vhenan?"

"I am much better now that you have returned," she admitted. "You were delayed and I couldn't help but worry."

He stroked the back of her hand with his thumb. "Worry not, vhenan. All is well now that I am with you. How is the baby?"

"See for yourself," she grinned, taking his hand and placing it on her belly where the baby was kicking up a storm.

Abelas cleared his throat to remind them that there were others in the room.

Solas glanced up at him and followed his pointed gaze, alerting him to the guest who had appeared in the room. "Commander Cullen," he said, somewhat surprised he was still present at Mercy's Rest. He glanced briefly back at Abelas. "How good to see you again. I trust you are in good health?" he said, diplomatically, removing his hands from his partner and placing them behind his back.

Cullen, who was less astute at playing The Game and even less inclined to be civil towards someone whom he loathed, plastered on a pinched smile. "It's just Cullen now. Forgive me, I'm unsure as to how to address you. I knew you as Solas, but it seems much has changed since last we spoke."

There was a note of underlying malice in his voice that made Lavellan frown.

Solas straightened his back. "That is true. Much has changed. Call me whichever you prefer. I would be more than happy to welcome you properly, but I fear there is much I must discuss with Commander Abelas at present." He then turned to his partner and touched her hand. "I will speak with you soon, ma vhenan, I promise. I shall not be long."

While the rational part of her mind understood, the emotional part wished she could steal him away and keep him all to herself. With a nod, she squeezed his hand and left the room, followed by Cullen and her guards.

Abelas remained. Solas turned to him, unfastening his cloak. After a brief report on the success of his mission and the movement of scouts, Solas asked Abelas about what weighed most heavily upon his mind. "What happened in the attack involving Varitan and the Antivan Crow? Your report gave few details."
"The attackers were quickly subdued. Varitan and the Antivan Crow are dead and burned. The mill is still standing and has been mostly repaired by now. The kitchen staff have been vetted and returned to work. All attendants have been thoroughly interviewed after the incident and no new information has come forward that would lead me to believe there is further danger from anyone else. Though as a precaution, her ladyship's guard has been increased," Abelas reported.

"And how is she? Was she hurt? Your report said she had a loss of appetite and hasn't been sleeping."

Abelas hesitated for only a moment. "She suffered minor injuries. They were healed easily enough. There were no effects from the poison used. Apparently you gifted her a necklace that prevented the poison from affecting her?"

"Yes. I refined the enchantments myself not that long ago after we were bonded."

Abelas stroked his chin. "A useful gift, it seems. Without it, I may very well have perished. Your partner… she is quite a capable fighter. And a talented healer as well."

Solas's brows rose. "I am surprised to hear you speak of her with such a favorable opinion. I take it the time you have spent in one another's company has given you an appreciation for her character?"

Abelas did his best to keep his face impassive. "She has certainly proven herself to be willful and stubborn while you were away, but… she has a commendable character. Yes, I think it is safe to say that. But she fell into a deep melancholy while you were gone. She ate little unless supervised. She rarely slept more than a few hours at a time, though I am uncertain if that is due to her pregnancy symptoms or her emotional state."

A stone dropped into Solas's stomach. "And the baby? Have there been any changes?"

"A few cases of false labor, but nothing out of the ordinary."

Solas breathed a sigh of relief, wiping away the sweat upon his brow with his sleeve. He was quiet for a moment. "And Cullen?"

Abelas raised an eyebrow. "Arrived about a week and a half ago. They've been monitored at all times, as per your request."

"And did she send for him?" he asked, a lump forming in his throat.

"I do not believe so, but then again I do not read her letters. She seemed surprised by his arrival and he claimed to have come out of concern for her welfare. Apparently the two were close friends while he was still instated as the commander of the Inquisition."

Solas's throat felt very dry as he tried to swallow his fears. "Yes, she told me they were quite close after I left. No more than friends though."

"Yes, they've been quite friendly since his arrival. Nothing untoward has happened, though he has toed the line on a few occasions."

"He's still in love with her then?" It was more of a statement than a question.

"Yes, most certainly. She has not done anything in my observations to encourage his affections beyond their friendship, however. In fact, there were several times when she rebuked his banter or gestures with grace."

A small smile tugged at Solas's lip. "Your fondness and respect for her seems to have increased a great deal in my absence. There was a time not long ago when you would have jumped upon Cullen's mere presence as an indication of further transgressions against her character."

"I suppose saving my life has commanded a certain amount of respect." Though Abelas pursed his lips in a grimace, Solas suspected it was not malice or ill-will behind the gesture, but something else that troubled him. .

"Certainly. Have you determined whether or not there are other reasons why Cullen Rutherford has appeared in my absence?"

"Besides offering comfort to your partner while you were away? That is reason enough for most."

A cold hate rose in the pit of his stomach at the thought of Cullen coming to his palace and courting his wife in his absence. "But he did not… And she never..."

"No," Abelas said assuredly. "They have embraced on one or two occasions, but they were never alone together." And then, thinking about the interactions he observed, added, "He didn't seem to be aware of her pregnancy prior to his arrival. Perhaps that has impacted his behavior. He was quite… surprised. He practically choked when she told him how far along she was. Now I don't know how close the two of them were before she arrived as the Ambassador, but if the current situation is similar, it might be possible he feels the need to stay close because he suspects-"

"-Stop. Do not accuse her of lying to me once again. I am the child's father. Not Cullen." His stomach turned at the mere thought of the two of them together. He refused to accept it, especially after she had told him she had not been with anyone since they were together. She would not lie to him about such a thing.

Abelas pursed his lips. "Time will tell what his intentions are. Now that you have returned, he will likely flee back to wherever he came from. Unless there are other reasons why he should remain close by." He did not specify that if he was correct in his theory about Cullen fathering her child, they would know soon after she gave birth. Children born of elven parentage on both sides bore elven features such as pointed ears. However, a human father would result in a child that appeared phenologically human, with rounded ears.

Solas poured a glass of water from the pitcher by the desk and drank, trying to get rid of the sour taste in his mouth. "Is there anything else I should know?"

"I showed her the nursery. I know it was meant to be a surprise when you returned, but she was… having a difficult time. Seeing the room put her in better spirits."

Solas studied him for a moment. "Thank you, Abelas. For watching over her when she needed someone."

Abelas raised an eyebrow but said nothing, opting instead to incline his head and return the conversation to other matters that required their attention.

That evening, Solas hosted a small, private dinner with his partner and Cullen. Careful not to offend his partner, he did his best to rein in his personal feelings. As the meal was brought out he chose his words with care before speaking. "Cullen. To what purpose do we owe your visit? You have come a long way from Ferelden to arrive here at Mercy's Rest."

Cullen sipped the wine, keeping his eyes level with Solas over his glass. "Yes, it was a bit of a journey, but one I would happily make again," he said, smiling at Lavellan. "I came because I thought my dear friend might need some company. And I wanted to be there for her."

A vein pulsed in Solas's neck at the affectionate look he gave her, but he was determined to keep his temper in check.

"It's been wonderful having you stay," Lavellan said, smiling warmly at Cullen. "I've had so few guests here. I mostly see old faces back at Skyhold these days."

"Yes, why not return to Skyhold to visit instead? It must have been closer to your current estate." Solas was doing his best to keep the venom from his voice.

"I thought it would be strange, going back to Skyhold. Apparently much has changed since I left."

It did not escape Solas's notice that when Cullen said this, he glanced momentarily down at Lavellan's stomach. It was only for a moment, but it was there. "Indeed. When last I visited, there were dozens of children; many of whom are former slaves freed by my partner. She is doing incredible work to improve lives through her charitable spirit." He smiled proudly at her and she blushed, tucking her hair behind her ear as she took a bite of bread.

"It's a group effort, really. None of it would be possible without everyone else at Skyhold. So many people have put their heart and soul into the work they do. We're lucky to have them," she said, scooping up peas with her spoon.

"She is quite amazing," Cullen agreed. "An inspiration to all, some might say."

Her neck grew hot, but she smiled in appreciation for his comment.

"I understand you've been here for over a week. How long were you planning on staying in these parts?" Solas asked, biting back the part where he pointed out the rather convenient timing of his arrival during Solas's extended mission abroad.

Cullen looked to Lavellan and shrugged with levity.

This simple act enraged Solas further. Had he no decorum? He was not even trying to hide the fact that he was here for his partner.

"I am uncertain. I'd like to stay longer. This part of the country is beautiful and offers some of the best company I've had in ages. It would be a shame to depart before I've had a chance to experience all that I desire. Do you not agree?" he turned to Lavellan.

Something in the way he looked at her as he said it unsettled Lavellan, but she chose her response with care. "The area is indeed lush and steeped in history. There is much to see. I haven't even explored half of the places of interest in the region."

"I would be happy to accompany you," Cullen offered.

Solas bit his tongue. "There is much I can share about the history of this place. We have already explored a great deal of the ruins in these parts together," Solas said, smiling at his partner.

Lavellan could feel the tension in the air, but tried her best to break it with a kind smile. "It would be wonderful to explore more, but I'm afraid I cannot walk very far these days," she said, rubbing her hand over her belly.

Cullen's face fell slightly. "Of course," he said, turning his attention to his meal.

"And how have things been for you with the baby, vhenan?" Solas asked, focusing his attention on her.

"Pretty well, for the most part. Steady heartbeat. I had a bit of a scare with false labor, but I've been managing it when it comes up. I haven't been sleeping the best, but that's hard to do when everything hurts."

"Abelas mentioned you haven't been eating as much or as often these past few weeks," Solas said, concern coloring his voice.

Lavellan ducked her head, ashamed. "No, I haven't been the best about it. The nausea is difficult to bear, but the burning in my throat and general lack of appetite have also played a role."

"And the kitchen staff are taking your list into consideration with your meals?"

"There's a list?" Cullen asked, curious.

"Yes, a list of foods I've been craving and ones I can't stomach," she explained, turning back to Solas. "They've been quite accommodating. Though I doubt very much that anything would get by Abelas. He's been monitoring my meals and checking everything for poison. I understand his caution, but really, doing it all himself seems a bit much. He doesn't need to follow me around like a chaperone."

"I'm sure he'll return to his regular duties soon enough. You know how he can be when things aren't done to his standard though," Solas said, cutting a slice of his ham.

"That is true. He reminds me of you, in that respect," she said, smiling at Cullen.

"Yes, Commander Abelas certainly abides by a strict set of orders and rules, it seems," he commented, none too pleased by their escort. "Yet I would at least trust you to be alone with your friends," he said disapprovingly. "They are of no danger to you and surely the commander of the organization's forces does not need to be present to oversee a game of cards when there are more important tasks he could be attending to. Speaking as the Inquisition's former commander, I would trust the Inquisitor to be capable of defending herself in her own keep, especially where guards patrol regularly." He took a sip of his wine, narrowing his eyes at Solas.

"Without Abelas's overabundance of caution, my partner and child might have been harmed or worse," Solas said, holding back his quiet rage. The silverware in his hands clasped in a white-knuckled grip. "Although I seem to recall a time when you believed such measures were necessary, or so you claimed back at Halamshiral." The memory of Cullen posted outside her bedroom door after their night together was still all too vivid in his mind.

A muscle twitched in Cullen's jaw as he ground his teeth together. Bottling his anger, he focused on cutting his meat with a vicious intensity. "Indeed, I took great care to make certain the Inquisitor and the other guests at the Winter Palace were protected. With assassins lurking in hidden corners and dead bodies turning up, I took every possible precaution to keep people safe. And yet it was not enough. All the soldiers and guards in the world can't protect against everything," he said quietly.

"Celine survived the assassination attempt. The deaths of the servants and the guards was a tragic consequence of Florianne's plot," Solas said, somewhat surprised by the shift in Cullen's tone.

Cullen lip pulled back into an angry sneer. "I was not referring to the attempted assassination agaisnt Empress Celine. I was referring our time spent at the Exalted Council Summit." He turned back to Lavellan and his face softened as he looked at her, regret pooling in his stomach as he glanced at her false arm. Tearing his gaze away, he shook his head. "The mark on your hand was killing you. And there was nothing I could do to stop it." When he looked at her, his face was filled with anguish and regret. "I'm so sorry."

Lavellan put her hand on the table, her heart sinking at the memory of that time. "You don't have to apologize, Cullen. It wasn't your fault."

"That does not mean I regret it any less. Those days are still burned into my memory. In my nightmares I can still hear your cries when the pain was too much to bear. When it finally broke you and you admitted you were afraid to die… I've never felt so helpless. I was so afraid that when you said goodbye before you left through the eluvian after that, that it would be the last time I would ever see you again. I still remember the sight of Iron Bull stepping through the eluvian with your limp body in his arms. My heart froze in my chest and I feared the worst…" He pinched his eyes shut and turned away, drawing in a long, ragged breath.

"Cullen…" she said, trying to find words of comfort. "It's alright. I'm okay. Solas was-"

"-Solas wasn't there! He didn't hear you cry out in anguish when the pain of the anchor cut through every medicine we tried. He didn't sit by your bedside as you recovered. He wasn't there when you fell into despair after you lost your arm and most of the Inquisition. He wasn't there for you. He wasn't," he said with finality. Having had enough and unable to bear being in Solas's presence a moment longer, Cullen threw his napkin onto the table and stormed out of the room.

The whole time Cullen spoke Solas's blood ran cold. Knowing the words were meant to hurt him did not prevent the biting sting of them from sinking their teeth into his heart. There was nothing he could say that would have quelled the shame and guilt he carried. He looked to his partner, who was still staring at the door Cullen left through. She bit her lip and a solitary tear slid down her cheek before she turned her face, hiding her tears behind a curtain of hair.

Solas ached to comfort her. "Ma vhenan, I am so sorry." Reaching across the table, he touched her wooden hand.

When she looked at his hand on her prosthesis she withdrew it to her lap. He tried to speak, but she shook her head, unable to look at him. "Don't. Please, just don't," she choked out, distraught. Pushing herself away from the table, she crossed the room and threw open the doors to the terrace, away from Solas, away from Cullen. It did not matter that is was raining. All she wanted was to be alone.

Solas rose, but did not follow her. Part of him was grateful she did not run to Cullen, but it was a hollow victory when she ran away from him. He wanted to be the one she sought in her moments of distress; not the cause of it.

He watched her disappear into the garden, trying to think of a way to heal a hurt he would never be able to atone for.

Solas waited for her in their quarters, reading over reports he had missed in his absence. The gray sky grew black as the light faded completely and thunder sounded overhead when the door handle turned and she entered the room, closing the door quietly behind her. Solas set the papers aside and stood, uncertain of what to say or do next to comfort her and make amends. But to his surprise, she closed the distance between them and took his hand in hers.

She gazed up at him, touching his cheek with the wooden hand. "I'm tired of missing you. And I'm tired of being angry over the past. I'm tired, ma vhenan. Please, will you just hold me?"

His hand cupped her cheek and the other moved over her belly and to her side. "Of course, vhenan." Kissing her forehead, he felt her shiver against him. "You're freezing. Come, I've drawn you a bath. Let me warm the water and get you something dry to wear."

She followed him off the adjoining room where a deep stone bath awaited. Using a spell, Solas warmed the bath and cast in a handful of perfumed salts and dried flowers. When he looked back she was fully undressed, save for her arm, which she unbuckled and set on a dresser.

"Don't stare. I know I look like a shaved druffalo," she chided.

He stepped close to her, touching her stomach and lifting her chin to his face. "You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen." Lowering his lips to hers, he kissed her.

Lighting the candles surrounding the path with a spell, she asked, "Would you care to join me?"

"Most certainly," he said with a smile. Removing his clothes while he watched her slip into the water, he couldn't help but feel at peace now that he was home again. Slipping in behind her, he cradled her in his arms, holding her. A tension he could not name faded from his body as he held her close and kissed her skin in the warm comfort of the water. "I missed you, ma vhenan. More than words can say."

She brought his hand to her belly. The baby kicked beneath his palm. "And we missed you." She sighed against him, leaning her head back on his shoulder. "Tell me about your trip. I wish to hear all about it." Smiling to himself, he did as she requested. They stayed in the bath together until the water grew cold.

Though the two of them were exhausted, they stayed up long into the night, warm under the covers of their bed, talking, until sleep could not be kept as bay any longer and they both closed their eyes.

It was the first night Lavellan slept for more than five straight hours. Instead, it was more like twelve; as if all of a sudden the sleep she had missed decided to catch back up with her. When she rose in the middle of the day, she was saddened to find herself alone before she remembered Solas had returned and a rush of excitement filled her belly. But when she reached the door, she remembered the evening from the night before. Glancing out the window, she wondered if Cullen had already left in his anger. She did not know what to say, even now after all her thinking from the previous evening alone in the rain. Part of her wanted to comfort him and the other part wanted to confront him about his behavior. More than anything, she wished none of it had happened. She wished the outburst hadn't made her feel so wretched. She didn't want to nurse a grudge against Solas anymore. She didn't want Cullen to be so upset with him and yet the part of her that went through the same frustration and resentment understood why he lashed out the way he did. But there was more to it than that. She wasn't certain what, but Cullen's anger carried more within it. She prayed it was not romantic rivalry, though she knew he still had feelings for her. All she wanted was her friend, but Cullen had avoided the topic of her partner as if he didn't exist. Now that he was here, home once more, there was no denying that she had moved on and chosen him. Perhaps that alone was enough to draw forth his anger.

Sighing and resigning herself to the fact that the day may prove to be an emotional one, she pushed open the door. To her surprise, she stepped on something just outside the doorway. A dozen small squares of paper with little arrows lined the floor, pointing a path down the hallway. Curious, she followed the arrows down the stairs and through several hallways, passing smiling servants who went about their duties eyeing her like they knew something she didn't. She turned down one last hallway and arrived at a door she recognized: the nursery. When she opened the door, Solas was there, clad in a paint-covered shirt with his sleeves rolled up. He broke into a smile when he saw her. "Ah, ma vhenan. You are awake. Did you sleep well?"

She approached and he set down his brush so that he could kiss her properly. "I did sleep well. For the first time in a long time, I might add. It seems I've slept away most of this morning. Though I appreciate your little arrows guiding me to you."

He grinned and kissed her cheek. "You looked so peaceful, I didn't want to disturb you. I'm glad you came though. I've been wanting to show you the nursery. I haven't quite finished the painting yet, but I hope you like it."

"I love it," she smiled up at him. "Though I'm afraid that Abelas spoiled the surprise already. I was having a lousy time of it and he brought me here to cheer me up. I'm sorry if that ruined the reveal for you."

"It is no matter. Besides, I thought that you might like to help me put the finishing touches on the mural."

"Would it be alright if I rang for some food? I'm famished."

"Of course. There's a pitcher in the corner there and some biscuits if you'd like something in the meantime."

"Oh, that will do then," she said, picking up a biscuit and popping it into her mouth as she inspected his most recent additions to the scene. "I like what you've done with the colors on this tree," she said, admiring his artistry. She smoothed her hand over her belly. "It's everything I could dream for our baby's room. Though, to me, even the thought of a baby having its own room is strange. I never had a room growing up. The closest thing was a tent or the aravel. But my clan did have a tradition that reminds me of this. Each time someone new came into the clan or a baby was born, we would paint our hands and press them against the aravel. I always liked seeing the tiny little handprints. Do you think when the baby is born we might do something like that? Or is it too silly?"

Solas smiled fondly at her. "I think it's a wonderful idea. What about over here? I was thinking this is where the crib could go and there's space where our handprints would fit all together." He gestured to a spot by the window and she nodded in agreement.

"Would you like to help me paint?" he asked, offering her a clean brush.

"Certainly. Oh, but I don't want to get paint on this dress..."

"Here," he said, unbuttoning his own shirt and shrugging it off.

She accepted it, smirking to herself. "Well I could have offered to take my clothes off too, but I suppose if you want me to put more on, I shall. You're so modest, after all," she said, admiring the view of his naked torso.

"In that case, I will need my shirt back at once," he replied.

"Oh no, let's see how it fits first. Ah, yes, like a glove," she said, straining to pull the buttons around in front of her belly. She gave up and merely buttoned the top ones, letting her stomach and dress hang out.

"I suppose I am modest by Dalish standards. I forget how comfortable your people are with nudity."

"You do recall the paintings in the Emerald Graves, do you not? Or perhaps everyone appreciates a nice figure," she teased, looking him up and down. The trousers he wore hung slightly loose over his hips and she found that painting did not interest her nearly as much as the blank canvas that was his well-muscled back. "I know I certainly do."

"Vhenan," he chided, "You're supposed to be helping me paint."

"Right, right, let me see, where to begin," she said, lifting her brush and stroking it down the muscled planes of his back.

Solas shivered and glanced over his shoulder with an amused smile. "I think you might have missed the wall there, vhenan."

"You can work on the wall, I'll be over here, painting my masterpiece," she teased, tickling his neck with the brush.

"Do you intend to cover me head to toe in paint like some Orlesian statue?"

"Hmm… Most certainly. Although, I think when I fetch the paint I might use my fingers instead," she said with a coy grin, grazing the tip of her finger down his spine, causing him to shiver once more. She let her whole hand slide over his trousers and squeeze his backside playfully.

Solas chuckled and shook his head at her. "You would make such a mess, vhenan. Come, what do you think of having the two of us together in the field over here?" He pulled her in front of him, cradling her waist and inhaling the sweet scent of her hair.

She considered for a moment, tapping her chin with the brush. "How would you pose us?"

"However you'd like. I could have us holding hands or lying in the grass watching the clouds. We could embrace or dance. Whatever you wish." He smoothed his hand over her stomach, feeling calmer with his beloved in his arms.

"Could… Could you have us holding the baby? Almost like how we are now, but instead of rubbing my stomach, we could both be holding the baby in a blanket?" She pictured it in her mind, holding her baby in her arms. "The baby will be here soon anyway," she remarked, placing her hand on his.

"I think that's a wonderful idea," he said, brushing aside her hair and tucking it behind her ear so he could kiss her. His lips lingered, kissing up her neck to her ear.

"Careful, vhenan," she warned, holding up her brush. "I have half a mind to finish painting you."

He slid his hands up her sides to cup her breasts, kissing along her ear and making her giggle. "I have half a mind to let you," he replied. "A month apart from you was far too long," he whispered, trailing one hand down her side and slowly pulling up the soft fabric of her dress to reveal her leg inch by inch.

She felt his arousal pressed against her from behind as his other hand massaged her breast through her clothing. A gentle sigh escaped her as he continued to kiss along her shoulder.

His left hand slipped beneath the bunched fabric of her dress, cupping the curve of her bottom as his other hand traveled down her arm, taking the brush from her hand. He grazed the bristles over the swell of her breasts, up to her collarbone, tickling her delicate skin.

The cold metal ferrule that bound the bristles of the brush touched her neck and all of a sudden her mind flashed back to the cold bite of Varitan's dagger at her throat. Her airway seized shut and she shoved Solas away from her. "Stop! Stop!" Tears filled her eyes and Solas looked at her, bewildered. The look of concern and confusion in his eyes was too much. She fled from the room, deaf to his voice calling her back, apologizing for whatever it was that he had done wrong.

A quarter of an hour later there came a knock on the nursery door. Solas, who had been sitting against the wall, holding his head in his hand and wondering what he did that upset his partner enough to send her away, stood and flung the door open, expecting to see her there. To his disappointment, it was not her at all. "Abelas?"

The commander glanced down at Solas's bare chest and raised an eyebrow at him. "I take it you were expecting someone else?" he said, pushing the door open and closing it behind him so passing servants would not see Solas in such a state.

"I had thought you were my partner. Did you see her?" Solas asked, concern coloring his voice.

"No," Abelas said, as if that were obvious. "If I had, I would not be carrying up her meal. The attendants said she finally woke up. Where did she go?"

"I'm uncertain. She… left rather abruptly."

Abelas gave him a pointed look. "And took your shirt with her, I presume?"

"I lent my shirt to her to protect her dress from paint," Solas replied defensively.

Abelas gave a look that plainly told Solas he was not convinced in the slightest. "Right. Why don't I call an attendant to bring you a clean shirt? And then I'll search for her ladyship in the usual spots." He paused for a moment and then pulled a note from his pocket. The wax seal upon it was broken. "I'm to deliver this as well once I find her ladyship. I thought you might be interested in seeing it. I heard from the guards that last night's dinner with Cullen Rutherford was… problematic."

Solas sighed and ran his hand over his head. He glanced through the letter, requesting an audience with her person in private so that Cullen might make a formal apology for his behavior. Resisting the urge to tear it apart and throw it in the fire, he carefully refolded it and handed it back to Abelas.

"Shall I accidentally lose the message, ser?" Abelas asked.

"No. I would see that my partner receives her messages. Ideally, with the seal intact. Why did you read it?" he asked, a warning in his voice.

"Because I do not trust Cullen Rutherford or his actions. And I most certainly do not trust him to have a 'word in private' with her alone," he replied simply.

"Abelas… tell me truthfully. Has something happened between the two of them?"

Abelas sighed, as he hated to repeat himself. "They have not been physically intimate, as I have told you before. That does not mean Cullen has not attempted to connect with her in an emotionally intimate manner beyond ordinary friendship."

"Are you saying he has stolen her affections?"

Abelas frowned and tilted his head. "No. But I had thought her feelings for you quite plain. She practically sprinted over to see you when she heard you were back. Quite a feat for someone with such a large stomach."

Solas set his lips together, trying to understand then what had happened to send her away from him. "What happened, Abelas?"

The commander raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

"What happened that would cause her to run from me in fear when a moment beforehand she was perfectly at peace? It was not like that before I left. What happened?"

Abelas glanced down at the ground, mulling over his loyalties. When he had them decided, he raised his head and looked Solas directly in the eye. "There was more that happened during Varitan's assassination attempt than I included in the official report."

Solas waited for him to continue, his heart pounding in his chest as fear crept into his bones.

"The Antivan Crow, disguised as a servant, came here in a panic, telling her ladyship and I that someone had found a severed hand in a box in the kitchens. The two of us followed him down to the kitchens to investigate. Once we were down, I sent the 'attendant' to fetch more guards and he trapped us inside and shot me in the chest. The arrow was poisoned with a paralytic. I could not move and struggled to breathe. Then Varitan entered the room." Abelas paused, hating to admit to his own failings and wishing he could have stopped what happened next. "He threatened her, he cut her with a blade coated in the same paralytic, and when he realized she was pregnant, he threatened to kill her baby if she struggled against him. When he saw that I was not you, he was enraged. He intended to violate her and then cut out her heart. He tore her tunic and she fought back against him. I was able to use a spell against the Antivan and she killed Varitan. After he was dead, she healed her wounds and helped me as well. She asked me not to put the details in the report." Abelas finished, delivering it as professionally as he could while he resisted the sickening sensation in his stomach.

Solas's hand covered his mouth. He feared that if he removed it he would vomit. He shook his head, not wanting to believe what he was hearing. "You said…" Solas began, but he choked and gagged on the words that caught in his throat. "...Did he?" was all he managed to get out before he covered his mouth again.

"No. He did not…" Abelas answered.

Solas pinched his eyes shut and his nostrils flared as a ragged breath escaped him. He took several more, long slow breaths. "Why did you keep this a secret from me?"

"Because she asked me to."

Abelas found her in the library, tucked away, wearing the aforementioned shirt over her dress, looking at a detailed map of Rivain. "Eat," he commanded, setting the tray of food down in front of her and removing the lid.

Lavellan obeyed without resistance. She didn't even make eye contact with Abelas; an unusual event for her as she was always quick to glare at him when he acted the mother hen.

"This was meant to be delivered with your breakfast, but seeing as how you missed that meal…" he said, handing over the slip of paper with the broken seal.

This did earn him a glare, for which he was somewhat relieved.

"You opened it?" she sneered.

"Yes. I had concerns about what it may contain."

"I'll bet you did," she grumbled irritably, reading over the words.

"Eat," he said, nodding towards the tray. Unsticking a dumpling, she dunked it in the spicy apricot chili sauce as she thought over what she was going to do about the situation with Cullen. She sighed inwardly, wishing that she did not have to deal with this at all, but especially now. She summoned an attendant and sent her away to bring Cullen to the courtyard. "No barbed commentary?" she asked, finishing her last dumpling and eyeing Abelas suspiciously.

"Shall I inform Fen'Harel of your meeting?" he said with false politeness.

"I assume you will anyway. There, done. Thank you, my dearest mother hen."

Abelas picked up the tray and eyed her outfit. "You may wish to change into something more… presentable."

Glowering at him, she got up and straightened her smock before striding away.

She found Cullen standing on the terrace that overlooked the garden, hands clasped behind his back.

"I received your letter," she said as he turned to her.

"You came," he said, rubbing the back of his neck as he took a deep breath. "When I didn't hear back from you, I was worried…" he trailed off, ducking his head in guilt.

"I did not receive your letter until just now, I'm afraid. I was caught up working in the nursery," she said, gesturing to her paint-covered clothing by way of explanation. When she fixed her gaze on him she was clearly displeased. "You said you wanted to apologize," she prompted.

He stepped closer to her. "Yes. I am so sorry for my behavior last night. It was disrespectful and unkind of me to voice my opinions as I did."

"'Disrespectful and unkind'? It was cruel, Cullen. It was cruel to say what you did before me and Solas. I have come to terms with the past and I've forgiven Solas, but you clearly haven't. Not even close. I know you despise Solas. But I thought you would be more considerate given the circumstances. I never thought you would try to hurt me the way you did."

"I know," he said, his face grave. "And I'm sorry for that. I am. No matter how I try, I can't seem to stop hating him for what he did to you."

"You don't need to forgive him for that, Cullen. His betrayal hurt those of us who were closest to him. But he also saved us, even if that's not what it felt like at the time. I'm sorry this is difficult for you, but he is my bonded partner and the father of my child and I will not tolerate you speaking about him like that. You must accept that he is a part of my life." She chose her words with care, for though she was still furious with him, she did not want to hurt him.

He stepped closer to her, balling his hands at his sides, helplessly. "I just… I worry about you," he whispered quietly. "Even now it seems the closer you are to him, the greater danger you face. I could not bear it if anything happened to you. You've been through so much already. You deserve better..." He looked at her then, his eyes tracing the features of her face and the delicate beauty she bore.

His eyes lingered on her lips and she knew then that he wanted to kiss her. When his head moved, she turned away and he froze. "I think you should go," she whispered, her heart plummeting like a stone as the weight of it dropped beneath the water, never to be recovered.

Cullen straightened his back again and for a moment he did not speak. "As you wish." He paused and bowed his head to her. As he passed by her though, he whispered, "I will stay at the local inn until I can arrange for the journey home. Meet me there if you change your mind." He did not say what about, but he did not have to. He left and a shiver ran down her spine. Clutching her arms across her chest, she wondered how things had gone so very wrong.

Solas found her later that evening walking through the garden. "Vhenan?"

She turned, putting a hand on her back to relieve the strain. Though she slowed for him to catch up, she did not seem happy to have him join her.

"Could I have a word?" he asked quietly.

She nodded, inhaling deeply as she rubbed her belly. "Is it alright if we keep walking though? I've got another round of false labor to contend with and I find that walking helps."

"Of course," Solas said, rather hurriedly. "You are certain it is false labor though?"

"Yes, don't worry. They aren't so bad and they're not getting any closer together."

He nodded, thinking about what he wished to say, but finding his throat suddenly very dry. "Are you well?" he managed.

"Yes. Well, no. I'm not really sure, I suppose. Though, I think I owe you an apology," she said, keeping her eyes down. She wasn't sure she could bring herself to look at him just yet. "I'm sorry about earlier. You didn't do anything wrong. I just had a moment… where I was pulled into a memory I'd rather forget. I hope you understand. It wasn't anything to do with you."

Solas stared up at the sky, swallowing the dry stone in his throat. "Was there something I could have done differently? Was there a reason?"

"No, really, vhenan. It wasn't you or anything you did. I was enjoying the moment together, but my mind pulled me away from it and I… panicked." She hated the admission, scowling to herself.

"If there is anything I can do to help… Tell me. Please."

She nodded, letting out a deep, slow breath. "I will. But for now, I'd rather forget and ground myself here in the present."

"Of course." He hesitated, offering her his arm. She smiled a little and accepted it, leaning a little on him for support.

For a little while they walked in silence, passing beneath trees that rained down beautiful petals with a soft breeze.

"I asked Cullen to leave," she said, glancing briefly to see his reaction.

Despite his relief at the statement, he did his best to keep his face impassive, knowing how hard that must have been for her. "That could not have been easy."

She clutched his arm a little tighter. "No. It wasn't. I feel terrible about it. About all of it. Part of me wishes I'd never written to him. The other part wishes I could have found the right words and made it all better. I used to always think that if I found the right words, I might change a person's mind, make them see from another perspective. I thought, with friends, it would be easier. But it turns out I was wrong."

Solas covered his hand with hers in a comforting gesture. "People believe what they wish. An open mind must be willing before it can change. All we can do is offer the opportunity."

She grimaced, biting her lip. "I felt so alone when you left. Staying at Mercy's Rest with Abelas clucking after me like a mother hen was thrilling, don't get me wrong," she drawled, casting a glance over her shoulder to make sure she wasn't overheard. "But it was lonely. I fell back into a dark place in my mind. And from there… I lost myself. Cullen's arrival, while unexpected, really did cheer me up. But he hated when I mentioned you and I felt like I couldn't talk about you with him, which is ridiculous because you're my partner. You're my favorite person on the planet. And you're my baby's father," she said, putting her wooden hand on her stomach. "I always want to talk about you. But when he was here, I don't know, I felt like I was being dishonorable or something. Not that anything inappropriate happened," she said, turning to him.

He squeezed her hand reassuringly. "I know, vhenan."

"But it made me feel awful. Pretending you weren't a part of my life. I'm with you and I'm proud to stand by your side. I only wish they knew you as I do. Cullen wanted to pretend it was like old times. Like I wasn't with you. But I am. And I want to be with you more than anything. I'm sorry for all the awful things he said last night. If I had known, I would have sent him away sooner." She paused then, turning to Solas and looking up into his eyes.

He touched her cheek with his thumb, gently grazing over it. "That was not your fault, vhenan. Cullen is responsible for his own actions."

She shook her head. "No. I am partly to blame. Part of me was ashamed, as if forgiving you was a weakness. But I don't believe that it is. It takes courage to forgive. Just as it takes courage to love. It's difficult when those you care about don't understand why I've made the choices I have." She bit her lip and looked away, hating herself for cowing to the opinions of others.

"It does take courage, ma vhenan. But I fear I must apologize as well. There is good reason for your friends' distrust of me. I am not a person who trusts others easily. I did not trust Cullen to be alone with you, for fear of what he might do. But I should not have done so without discussing my reasons with you first. I am sorry. The list I provided Abelas held the names of those whom I believed posed a threat. As your friend, Cullen must have seemed a peculiar name on the list, but in truth, I have known for some time how he feels for you. And of his dislike for myself. I feared not that he would harm you, but that he might attempt to steal your heart."

She tucked her hair behind her ear, glancing down. "It's a little too late for that, I'm afraid," she said with a small smile, lacing her fingers with his and putting her other hand on her bump. "I gave you my heart long ago. Ar lath ma, vhenan."

"Ar lath ma," he replied, tilting her chin to kiss her. When he pulled back, smiling, he touched her belly and knelt down before her and said, "Ar lath ma, da'len." Much to her amusement, he kissed her bump and stood back up again.

"Only a little longer to go," she said, smiling.

"Indeed. But do try to wait a little longer, da'len," he said, smoothing his hand over her stomach. "A few more days and we will be ready to change this world."