Killer Instinct:

Chapter Five : She's the Blade

She's the blade, she's the blade, she's the blade...

Simon leant back in the armchair as he watched her chest rise and fall. He almost felt as though he was invading her privacy, as though things weren't they way they used to be between them. But deep down he didn't believe this. She was so peaceful, so tranquil now, a stark contrast from her behavior on the plane. He took her cold accusations in silence. He let her rid herself of her anger, after all, he loved her and all he could do was try to understand.

He leant forward, resting his elbows on his knees as he continued to observe her, almost worried that if he looked away she might disappear. He couldn't bear to lose her, not now, and not after all they'd been through…after all he'd done for her. He thought back, recalling the moment she'd come back to him in the bar, when he'd joined the time once again. Being informed of her true identity had torn him apart. He'd left his hotel room with his mind set on killing her, making her pay for the fool that she'd made of him. But his rage had simmered down and he'd decided to forgive her, silently forgive her and continue on with Julia. He couldn't bear to lose her, he knew how hard it had been when she'd disappeared, and the emotions he'd felt when she'd returned to him.

Simon wasn't the heartless assassin and thief so many had defined him as. He'd given Julia her life. It wasn't the smartest thing he'd ever done, but it was one of the first things he'd ever done with his heart and not his head. Giving Julia her life had only been the beginning in a series of events that proved his love for her, whether she'd truly recognized that or understood his actions. He'd vowed, after learning of 'Sydney's' lost years that he'd help her find her memories, that he'd help her remember her time with him. He also spared the life of Jack Bristow, knowing full well the true identity of the man he was meeting in that warehouse. He'd let the man walk away from the meet, and he'd done it for her, and no one else.

Simon had killed his own men in her name. He hated their attitude towards her. They may have been right, but that didn't give them the permission to say the things they'd so often said about her. One afternoon Javier and Avery had said their last disdainful comment about her. They'd apologized to him, but Simon wouldn't have it. Two bullets later his men were disposed of, for her. He'd even carried out his plan and saved her fromCIA custody, killing several agents in the process.

Simon knew what she'd been through, at least for a small period during those two years, and he'd shown her all that he knew. All of this had been erased, which meant that he'd have to show her again, show her their achievements, all that they'd accomplished together. His jaw clenched at the thought of the CIA, and those operatives who dared to take her from him, to inject her with drugs, to accuse her, and to belittle her. Whatever they'd done to her, it didn't matter anymore. He moved to her side and gently moved a strand of hair from her face as she continued to sleep. His Julia was with him once again, and this time he wasn't going to let her go.

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Simon leafed through the newspaper pages searching for anything worth reading. He set the paper down, disappointed with the lack of interesting news, and heard the sound of footsteps as they echoed down the staircase. He smiled. She was awake. Sydney slowly made her way down the stairs and found herself in a large open room. She was tense, trying to stay on high alert, ready for anything that might happen. For some reason she still felt a slight hint of fear in his house. She didn't know if he could be trusted, if he really had just let the fact that she was CIA slide. She scanned the room, but no Simon. She headed towards a corridor, hoping to find him, hoping to ask him so many questions.

She stopped at the end of a long table that was almost as long as the room itself. There he sat at the head of the table, watching her. Simon's smile grew a little wider as she moved closer to him. She paused almost a meter from him, keeping her distance…she obviously didn't trust him. He'd have to work on that.

"Why didn't you kill me?" She asked straight out. She didn't want to waste her time with pleasantries, and not with him.

"You know why, Julia." He responded.

She frowned. She didn't know. Maybe she had, once, but with yet another case of memory loss she really had no idea why he'd spared her, why she was still breathing at all let alone staying with him in his house.

"There's something I want to show you." Simon began as he stood and signalled for her to follow him. They entered a small room beneath another staircase. The desk within was littered with papers, documents of various kinds. She wondered what they were. He reached into the drawer and pulled out a folder. He held it close to him as he looked back at her. "I showed you this once before. You need to see it again. I hope it answers some of your questions." He said with sincerity as he handed it to her.

Sydney took the folder and sat at the desk. Simon watched her from the doorway for a moment. He remembered her reaction the first time she'd seen it. He'd watched her from a distance; he'd seen how it had affected her, and how it had caused her shoulders to shake as she let her emotions consume her. He couldn't watch that again. He couldn't bear to see her like that, and he couldn't bear the thought of knowing that it was because of him. Something else hurt him more…but he didn't want to let it occupy his thoughts. It pained him, and he didn't need to deal with it again. He gently closed the door behind himself and left her alone.

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Sydney closed the folder as she stared down at the back cover through blurred vision. The tears stung her eyes as she wiped them away. The file was almost identical to the CIA file, with a few minor changes, and a few deletions which Simon must have erased to spare her from feeling the way she did at that very moment. The repetitive nature of both files confirmed that the contents were true, that she had done those things, committed those crimes with Simon and his men, and she appeared to have done them all for the purpose of finding out about those two years. She was getting sick of just the thought of it now. Was this all worth it? There would now be something extra to add to the file. Those agents, those innocent men had been killed because of her, for her.

But what could she do now? Everything had been committed, there was no erasing, no reversing time, nothing to take back what she'd done. Now she had to live with it, either with Simon, or in a CIA cell. With all that he'd done for her, she couldn't just leave Simon. At the same time she couldn't go on murdering innocent people. She was faced with a decision, and it wasn't the kind of decision that could be processed in seconds. She'd need time, days, maybe even weeks to find herself at a conclusion. Until then, she wanted to do her best to forget about everything that had happened in the past and look to the future. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to go back to being Julia.

Thoughts of me exemplified
All the little flaws I have denied
Forget today, forget whatever happened
Everyday I see a little more of overall deficiencies
I'm nothing short of being one complete catastrophe

A/N: For a little more detailed account of Simon's dealing with Julia's identity can be found in one of my other fic's called Hysteria. Thanks for the reviews, I'm glad y'all are still interested. I'm definitely back into this, I might even begun another Alias fic once this is completed. The title isfrom Sugarcult and the lyrics towards the end are Diluted by Slipknot./ Britt