Family
So we were married. It seemed so quick, for we had known each other little over two years. I sometimes wondered if it had been a bit too hasty, as if we hadn't thought it over enough. There was only Lucius in my eyes though and I didn't want to lose him to anyone else.
I was afraid that if I didn't say yes then someone else would before it was too late. So I went along with it, convincing myself that this was the right thing to do. I was lying to myself of course. It was the worst thing I had ever done or would ever do.
I did love him of course. He was wonderful, perfect. Bella was very disappointed, to say the least. She went on about it for days after we had announced it, whining and whinging that it wasn't fair. I think that must be the reason that she doesn't like me now even after these few years.
It was brought up again by the birth on my baby. We needn't have bothered. Aquarius died within two weeks of being born, leaving me thunderstruck and resentful towards everyone. I never wanted to have a child again, know the pain it would cause me if I lost it again, and the chunk that it would rip from my heart.
I got through it, yes, but barely. I didn't eat, causing me many sleepless nights and a bad case of anorexia.
Lucius didn't care. I thought he did at the time, but oh, how wrong I was. I didn't know things were going to get a lot worse as our second baby was conceived.
I sit here, holding my baby. When I was pregnant, I never wanted him. I even tried to get rid of him, overdosing alcohol, hitting myself, nothing worked. Now I look at him now and I regret it. I smell the horrible hospital smell reeking from the wall, the silent patients, everything.
"Your husband has arrived." A kindly nurse informs me, not really needing to as I see Lucius sweep through the doors, making all the patients look at him in awe. I know what they mean. I saw the same in him once. Everyone did, but he's changed.
For the worse. I have spent more and more sleepless nights, waiting for him to return to the house after work. He came back reeking of drink, cigarettes, perfume.
As I see him sweep towards me I wonder I what I did wrong to make him turn out this way.
It has to be my fault, as he was never like this before I met him. He was sweet, kind. The face I see before me now, looking at our son is anything but kind.
"Draconus." He said after examining the baby hard. "It has a certain ring to it fit for a Malfoy." I bite my lip. After hours of researching name, careful planning, cancelling out the bad ones, I had chosen three names. Now he had chosen to ignore them and use his own, carefully invented of the spot.
"Wasn't it going to be something else, "I carefully coaxed, weeping inside. "Wasn't it going to be,"
"No. "Said Lucius shortly, giving the impression that he was thinking very hard, "No, Draconus. It is much more suitable." I fix my attention carefully on the bed covers, grimy things. By that time he's halfway across the ward.
"Honey!" I'm calling, but it is as if he had never come to visit me in the first place.
I don't know why I bother. He won't stay; he never does, even at home, if there's something important to do elsewhere. Or even if he feels like it. Either way he never turns around when I call. Something tells me he never will.
Somehow I'm happy. I now have a family, something I have never properly, happily been for a long time. I have a son, a husband. What more do I need. I sniff.
"Need a tissue, love?" the kind lady in the next bed asks, passing over a box of Kleenex wipes.
"No, no, I'm fine." I say. What a liar I am. I suppose I'll always say I'm fine, though I never will be.
Last night Lucius didn't come home until five in the morning. He woke me up, singing and jostling. I had been in labour for half an hour and he didn't notice, not until I pinched him, hard.
He'll never remember me, not in a million years.