Disclaimer etc.: see Prologue

Right, yeah, hey again people. Sorry for the 'delay' (of a day!), I have exams this week so I don't know when the next chapter's gonna be up. –pulls face– Exams suck. And yeah, on that theme, this was half-written during a revision session at school, and then cleaned up on the bus home.

And again, thank you to all you wonderful people who reviewed the last chapter. –grins– Thanks!

Read, enjoy, and if you feel like it, drop me a review!

Breath of Life

4 – Reaching

Duality – the double and opposite nature of absolutely everything.

Obvious throughout just about everything, balancing and tweaking until things are just so, just right, just perfect. Opposites in perfect harmony, scattered throughout the universe.

Black and white, male and female, yin and yang, acid and alkali.

There are hundreds, and almost all are tangible things, things you can touch, or can at least be represented in some pictorial sense.

But there is also the fundamental split in human nature; the inherent ability to choose either good, or evil. They are not tangible things; they are facets of a soul. You are not born with a disposition for either; you have to make a decision. It's the gift, and the curse of humanity; the ability to choose.

Even if you decide on good, the chance, the possibility of evil remains in you, buried deep in your psyche. As long as you are in control of your mind and body it stays there; stays buried. But as soon as you slip up it takes its chance, seizes you. Takes over. The darkness latches onto one idea, one notion in your head and magnifies it, bloats it beyond all reasonable proportions. And the madness ensues.

And once you have slipped that far, it's almost impossible to get back to who you were.

But it's not just humans.

Some races cannot choose; some species have the choice made for them.

But they all have the potential to fall, and some cannot help but fall harder than others.

Much harder.

And guess what?

The Doctor falls the hardest.

>>>>>>>>>

It was the echoes of screams that woke them both in perfect harmony, their eyes flicking open in the same instant. For an eternal instant they lay there, completely frozen, Rose's hands on the Doctor's shoulders, his palms pressed to her temples, gazes connected, gently breathing without so much as a hitch.

With a touch as gentle as a butterfly the Doctor brushed his right thumb across the corner of Rose's eye. "Your eyes," he murmured detachedly. "They've got gold flecks." His fingers lingered on her face, needing the contact, and she didn't brush them away. She couldn't; she never could.

"I know," she replied, her voice equally as soft, but slightly more in touch with reality.

"The TARDIS."

"Yeah. She saved me."

Something that looked suspiciously like a tear glistened at the back of the Doctor's dark eyes. Not black anymore, just dark. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "So, so sorry."

Her fingers traced nonsensical words and intricate patterns on the shoulders of his jacket. "It's okay," she murmured back.

His hands dropped from her face. "I should have been able to hold on." He pulled himself up into a sitting position, his gaze leaving Rose and travelling around the courtyard. A sickened expression slid onto his face. "What have I done?" he whispered.

His fingers were shaking again.

Rose noticed.

"Doctor?" she asked, moving onto her knees. "Doctor, what's wrong?"

He looked back down at her. His eyes weren't dark anymore, but not quite black either. "I can't stop it," he whispered hoarsely, his changing eyes begging her forgiveness.

She took his shaking hands between hers. "C'mon," she said softly. "It's safer in the TARDIS."

He nodded, his fingers latching onto her hands. "Don't let go. Please."

The utter despair in his voice scared her more than any Dalek, Cyberman or Sycorax ever had. I'm not dead! He's supposed to be okay! He's the Doctor! He's not supposed to break down like this!

She managed to summon a weak smile. "I won't."

>>>>>>>>>

His hands skated across the main TARDIS console, subtly trembling fingers narrowly missing switches, lever and buttons that would, in various ways, kill the both of them. The look of concentration on his face combined with this deftness would have fooled someone who didn't know him.

Not Rose.

And he knew that she wasn't taken in.

"Just let me set a course." He was making excuses, he knew it, but he didn't want to face what was inside his own head, and she was going to make him. "We aren't safe here."

You aren't safe here. That was what he meant. And so we have to leave.

Anything to keep my Rose safe.

Her hand rested on his arm, a feather-light touch through the sleeve of his jacket. He'd asked her not to let go, and she hadn't. He was glad. He needed her more than he could even admit.

hurting always pain never stops INSIDE MY HEAD IN AGONY

The Doctor set the TARDIS on course for some little planet in the backwaters of nowhere, and then pressed his hand to his forehead, screwing his face up to keep the jabbering out.

"Doctor?" Rose's concern brought him back.

He opened his eyes and his knees nearly gave out as the world lurched. A moan of pain escaped his lips as fire jolted through his skull.

twisted tied broken bound held free STRUCK DOWN BURNING

"Okay Doctor." He felt Rose slide her arm around him, half-holding him up. "C'mon. You need to sleep."

"No!"

"Doctor?"

His darkening gaze found her newly golden-flecked eyes. "I can't hold it back."

She reached up and lightly touched his face, her fingertips subconsciously caressing his skin. "I'm here." Illogically, those two words gave him more comfort than they ever had before, uttered by anyone else. And however illogical it was, he knew why.

walls narrowing dragged out pulled in TAKE ME BACK oil flaming on water calm wild seas

No! I won't!

He didn't fight as she led him away, her fingers wound into his. He could feel himself slipping away from consciousness, closer towards the blackness lurking in his head. He didn't care. He was too busy waging a war inside his mind.

And this was the one battle he didn't know if he could win.

>>>>>>>>>

The flesh underneath the thin sheen of sweat was flaming hot, burning Rose's skin as she brushed her fingers over against his cheek. She bit her lip worriedly before running the damp cloth over his forehead for the third time in as-many minutes. Her gaze flicked down to his pale face below, eyes screwed shut, and she couldn't help it. Tiny tears began to bead in her eyes.

She cursed herself silently and brusquely brushed the back of her hand across her eyes. She could cry later, when he was better. And he would get better. There was no doubt. He was the Doctor, and she was alive. There was no doubt whatsoever.

No doubt.

Right?

"C'mon Doctor, you have to stay here," she murmured to him, sick in the knowledge that there was no way he could hear her. "You gotta stay with me."

Was it her imagination, or had his hand just curled tighter around hers?

She didn't know.

The cloth in her hand traced a path after a bead of fevered sweat that trickled down his cheek, catching up with it just next to his mouth, twisted in a grimace of pain and fear. Her thumb suddenly developed a mind of its own and brushed over his thin lips. She jerked her hand away from him as she realised what she was doing, and then registered the fact that the grimace was slightly diminished.

Now that wasn't her imagination.

A single tear pushed its way free from her eye and skated a twisted path down her cheek. "Doctor…" she sighed softly, lightly letting her fingers caress his lips once again. On impulse she leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to his forehead. "Doctor, you can do this," she murmured, the memory of the frantic tangle of emotions and insanity clear in her memory. "I know you can."

Was it her imagination?

Or did he smile, just a little, as a little golden starburst sank down into his forehead, reflecting off the moisture on his skin and crowning his sweat-spiked hair in a bright aura.

She didn't know.

But she hoped.

>>>>>>>>>

BODIES ON FIRE FOREVER blue shock white fear black rage molten metal spilling in patterns FALLING VANISHING NEVER HERE NEVER ANYWHERE

He twisted in the clutches of his finally-fallen mind. It was amazing how once incident, one tiny event that took no more than an hour could change his mind and psyche forever; completely.

He supposed it was balance; he'd been sane this long, he had to slip up at some point to compensate all the good he'd done.

Well. It was good from his point of view.

death of nature burn ashes GREEN ON BLACK IN SYNCHRONISATION rip the wings let it fly watch it die

He could feel fingers around his right hand, and he struggled to remember who they belonged to.

Of course! Rose.

A faint voice, piercing through the screamings of his breaking mind.

You gotta stay with me…

I'm trying! he tried to call back. He tried to clench his fingers around her hand, to let her know that he wasn't gone; that he was still here. But all he managed was a slight twitch.

DON'T LEAVE ME HERE looks like fire feels like ice takes me to the stars black light on faces in distance spinning in spirals DON'T GO NO

Her fingers danced over his blistering face, leaving cool trails in their wake. She calmed him, kept him from falling apart in the furnaces of dementia.

let them have me let them steal my mind throw me to monsters the darkness NO STOP NOT YET

Pain. Shooting through him, stamping fire onto his brain.

claws in skin bleeding crying falling blue black red falling to a point thorns in eyes screams

The voice again, bringing light to the blackness, soothing the pain.

Doctor…

Then a touch, something pressed to his forehead. A kiss?

Gold danced before his eyes, diving for the blackness, colours wrestling before his eyes.

TOO BRIGHT TOO LOUD STOP TOO MUCH TOO COLD TOO HOT TOO SAFE CAN'T KEEP GOING

Doctor, you can do this. I know you can.

Such faith. Blind faith in a shattering man.

Her hand around his, comforting, holding, anchoring him to sanity.

Live. For her.

>>>>>>>>>

Again, the gold reached for the black.

This time, the black reached back.

>>>>>>>>>