Disclaimer etc.: see Prologue.

Nearly finished now! Only one more chapter left… I will miss this fic. –grins– Anyway. And I'm being very nice to you, my readers, giving you two chapters in one day. Be glad!

And I am in advanced mourning for Rose in the series, which is annoying my friends. Stupid, stupid BBC.

Anyway.

Thanks to everyone who dropped me a review, and I hope you enjoy this!

Breath of Life

8 - Just Loving

Something was wrong with him.

Rose's forehead crinkled into a frown, but she didn't move, still kept her face pressed close to his neck. She breathed in. He smelled right.

What could have gone wrong?

It was something in his mind; that was for sure. Maybe a residual trace of the madness, maybe something that was him. But it wasn't right.

Reluctantly she looked up at him. "Doctor?"

He met her gaze. "Rose?"

She unlaced her arms from around him slightly, but felt his tighten around her, unwilling to let her go. Still possessive. That was right. That would never change.

"There's something wrong with you," she replied softly.

He frowned. "I'm fine," he countered. "Not crazy anymore!"

She didn't smile. Neither did he. "I'm serious Doctor."

"So am I."

All of a sudden she knew what was wrong, and she realised it wasn't a wrongness. It was a secret, but a secret that she already knew. Her mind relaxed, but only slightly.

She reached up, tracing her fingertips along his cheek. "Doctor…" she whispered.

She could feel that he wanted to pull away, but she didn't allow herself to be hurt by it. He had his reasons; he always did. "Please, Rose," he half-croaked. "Don't…"

"Doctor, this changes things," she whispered. "You know it does."

"Rose, don't."

"Why?"

"Because I can't."

He pushed himself away from her and fled.

Rose pushed herself up on her elbow and stared sightlessly at the door. Confusion flooded through her mind. She could feel something strange, something seeping through her body. And through this new something she could feel that barely-buried insanity that was the Doctor's mind.

She was confused, but at the same time she was focused.

Puzzling about what was happening to her could wait.

>>>>>>>>>

You weren't supposed to let her this close! the Doctor yelled at himself inside his head. It can't be like this!

Why not? something inside him yelled right back. Why do you have to hide from her?

Because if I let her in then I'll never be able to let her go, and at some point she will leave!

Oh, give her some credit. She won't!

Leave me alone!

The Doctor ran, far into the TARDIS. He could feel Rose behind him, following him, determination and pain mingled through her soul. And the knowledge that he was making her feel that pain made him feel physically sick.

With no warning he turned a corner and hit a dead end, where there had been no dead end before. The TARDIS was shifting things again, but to Rose's advantage instead of his.

There was something oddly surreal about this. He ran all the time, but he'd never run from Rose before. And never for this reason either.

Tell her.

I can't.

Why not?

Because I'm not strong enough!

But what about her? What is your pigheadedness doing to Rose!

I just… I can't!

You can.

A pause.

I have to, don't I.

Yes.

What if—?

No. No 'what ifs'. Just say it. Live for the moment. Say it.

>>>>>>>>>

"Doctor?" she asked softly, stepping up behind him. He was frozen before her, one hand lying palm down against the wall of a dead end and his gaze unfocused. His torso was bare and his trousers were dark with drying sweat. He looked like the sound of his mind.

"Rose…" His voice was barely above a whisper.

"Doctor, are you there?"

She saw his lips twitch in a melancholy grin. "Of course I am. Where else would I be?"

His voice was calm, smooth. Doctorish.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

His hand dropped from the wall, almost in defeat. "My body is fine."

"Yeah, but that's not you," she said tentatively, her voice almost a question. "Are you okay?"

"I might be," he replied, oh so softly. "I might be."

With infinite slowness he turned to face her. The look of defeat and resignation on his young face shook her, and she felt a fist clench around her stomach. "Oh Rose…"

"Doctor…" She was silenced, her lips dry.

His hand floated up to her cheek, his fingertips ghosting over her cheek. The touch was at once fleeting and painfully intimate, and she felt her eyelids sliding shut in overwhelming ecstasy. His hand slid over her lips, her breath shuddering onto his skin.

And then the contact was gone. She almost moaned in disappointment, but as it was she just opened her eyes. She looked up at him, subconsciously registering that he was much closer to her now. His brown eyes were flooded with raw emotion. She'd never seen him like this before.

"I thought I lost you," he whispered. "And it drove me insane."

She thought she ought to say something, but her brain wouldn't coordinate with her mouth, and she was mute.

"I killed," he continued, his gaze still riveted to her, and hers to his. "I killed, and I fell." Pain flickered across his face. "Harder than I ever have before. They were screaming, and I loved it." Pain, grief and memories, skating across the dark orbs. "This is not only dangerous to you; it's dangerous to everyone else." He shook his head. "I can't."

"But you can." She suddenly found her tongue, and words spilled forth. "Just being around you is dangerous enough. And you're not the only dangerous thing in the universe."

"But I'm the Doctor." He was cracking. "I'm supposed to save people, not kill them."

A flicker of a memory slid through her. "Everything has its time, and everything dies." Her gaze searched his. "Just because you were the one that ended those lives doesn't make you guilty."

"Doctor…"

"You could have died." He cut her off. "You nearly did die. I should have been able to protect you."

She stepped forward again, just a little. Just slightly closer. Time to poke the ant nest. "Doctor, you've abandoned me before. Why are you so worried about me now?"

That had the desired effect. He jumped. "What?" His hands came up, gripping her upper arms almost-painfully. "Rose!"

"It's true Doctor." A smile plucked at her lips. "You left me to save Reinette. Left me on a space station in the middle of nowhere."

"Rose, I…"

"You saved Reinette Doctor. You didn't kill her." She rested her right hand against his chest. "Sarah-Jane too. Queen Victoria." The smile became more insistent. "Me."

"But…"

"We're all alive because of you. People die every die." Her head dipped in a tiny nod. "I'm alive because of you."

"But… I should have know something was wrong," he protested.

"Doesn't matter," Rose countered gently. "You dove down to get me. You brought me back to the TARDIS. What happened after doesn't matter."

Clarity sudden sped into his eyes, and she felt the ice-cold jolt sweep through him. He took a step back, moving away from her. Her fingers lost contact with his skin. "Oh Rose…" he sighed, his gaze still locked onto hers. "You're amazing, you know that. Fantastic."

What's he doing?

There was a pained, bittersweet expression on his face. "But we can't."

"Why not?" she protested. "Why don't we deserve it?"

"Because you'll die." His words hung in the air. "And I can't loose you like that."

"But what about now?" she whispered. "What about the here and now? The present? The future doesn't come into this. What might happen. What could go wrong. It doesn't matter."

"But it does!"

"No it doesn't!"

"It does!"

Breaking point.

"It doesn't! Doctor, I love you! Can't you see that! If you keep us like this, I will die! And then it will have been your fault!" Her voice verged on a yell, and she froze as she realised exactly what she'd said.

Silence hung between them.

Well now, a little voice murmured in the back of her head. That was clever. No turning back. You can only go forward now.

>>>>>>>>>

Doctor, I love you! Can't you see that!

Oh, how blind had he been!

She wouldn't die! Oh, she wouldn't! The gold chips in her eyes… They weren't just aesthetic.

Her voice, from long ago and yet far in the future. I am the Bad Wolf. I create myself.

He didn't know what the Bad Wolf was. He didn't know how it would affect her. He didn't know how this would work.

But it would.

And that was enough.

Live for the moment. Say it.

"Rose…"

"I'm sorry Doctor. I shouldn't have." She half turned away.

Without even thinking about it he stepped forward and swept her up, pulling her feet up off the floor, pressing his lips to hers with unspeakable, immeasurable delight. Her arms shot around his neck and she kissed back in earnest; her tongue sliding past his lips, his scraping across the roof of her mouth, sending shivers across them both.

With a gasp for air he pulled back, just slightly, still pressed tight against her. "Rose," he breathed into between her lips. "I love you."

The gold in her eyes flared up; fed by her heart, by her love and her joy and her utter ecstasy.

You are so amazing, he thought, wondering if she could hear him.

You're fantastic, he heard her reply. Her lips grinned against his. So fantastic.

He was drowning in her. Bad analogy, he thought vaguely.

Then common sense reared its head, and he pulled back slightly. "Rose," he husked, his eyes dark with emotion. "Rose, we ca—"

She cut him off; her finger on his lips. "I'm not asking you to spend the rest of your life with me," she whispered. "I know you can't. Please, worry about it later." She smiled slightly, moving closer. "For now, just love me."

She was his goddess; she was his everything.

And he loved her.

Ultimately, that was all that mattered.

>>>>>>>>>