A/N Thank you again for all your fantabulous reviews, you really are too kind. You'll make my head swell! Lol. Hope you like this chapter.On a side note, I know nothing about the army or whatever so I'm totally making this up, I hope it's kind of realistic.

Chapter 3- Neela

"No body said it was easy, no one ever said it would bethis hard, oh take me back to the start."

-Coldplay "The Scientist"

Michael smiled at me as I came down the stairs. He put his bag down and hugged me tightly, "Hey honey."

"You're home early," I said with a smile, breathing him in. I did love Michael, he made me feel so safe, so secure. I knew he would never hurt me. He was so like me, we were perfect. We had to be.

"Yeah, well it is my anniversary." I looked up at him, frowning, he'd said that extremely quickly, too quickly. "What?"

"You answered that really quickly."

He laughed and shrugged me off, "So?"

I shook my head, "Nothing." Something just felt odd. I couldn't explain it, but he was my husband, I'd be damned if I didn't know when something was wrong with him. He gave me a quick smile and then followed me into the living room. "I didn't know you would be back, so I didn't cook or anything."

He gave me a smile, a real one this time, "That's probably a good thing."

"Shut up, I can cook. Sort of."

He raised an eyebrow at me. "I feel sorry for..." he paused, thinking, "Barnett, that's it. Poor guy, living with your cooking, I'm surprised he didn't get food poisoning."

I gaped at him, "You are so cheeky!"

"What are you going to do about it?"

I sat on the sofa, crossing my arms. "Maybe it's more like what I'm not going to do."

He sat next to me, "You know I'm only joking."

"Yeah, you're joking now." But I turned to him and kissed him gently. "I love you, you know."

"I know. I'm sorry it's been so hard recently."

"Me too."

He smiled at me, then kissed me again. I lay back on the sofa, kissing him back. There were definitely some perks of living with your husband, you didn't have to worry about anyone walking in, or thinking you were doing something wrong. He pulled away from me abruptly.

"What's wrong?"

"Neela, I can't do that right now... there's something I have to tell you and I know you'd kill me if we... before I told you." He looked really serious.

"What is it?" I was really worried now.

He opened his mouth a couple of times, as if wondering how to phrase this the right way. "They want me to go to a training camp down in Texas."

"Michael, you had me so worried, what were you all..."

"Neela," he said, stopping me in mid-flow. "They want me to go for three months."

My eyes widened, "Three months is a long time. But I guess if you have to... I don't mind being on my own for a while. Maybe Abby could come visit, since there'd be more room."

"Neela, you keep not letting me finish and it makes it harder."

"There's more?"

He nodded, "After the three months are up they want me to relocate again. So, this house is going to another family."

Those were the words I'd dreaded hearing again. We'd have to move again. The small resemblance of home I'd managed to build up here would be torn apart. And it would keep happening. I'd tried to kid myself, that the first time would be the only time, but of course his mother had told me, we'd be moving forever. I'd been at County for nearly three years before I'd felt at home there, would I ever be in another place for that long again?

"Please tell me you're joking."

"Why would I joke about that Neela?"

"A girl can hope... shit Michael."

"I know, I'm so sorry."

"Stop telling me you're sorry. I can't stand you being sorry any more. You're always bloody sorry, Michael." My voice wasn't louder than normal, but it was tense.

"Neela, I'm sorry because I don't want to hurt you, but this isn't my fault."

"I know that Michael! I know that none of this is your fault, but I can't help blaming you!" I shouted, standing up. "Sometimes I wonder what the point was in us getting married."

He got up and grabbed my hand, "Don't say that."

"But I do. I mean really, when you marry someone, you're meant to be their first priority. And I'll never be that for you."

"Of course you are."

Tears were rolling down my cheeks now, "I know you want me to be."

"Neela I didn't think you'd take it this hard... I didn't think you even liked it that much here."

I laughed, unamused, "It's not moving from here that bothers me. It's the fact that it's been rammed home to me that this is what we will always be doing, going wherever the army tells us. Michael, this will never be our life."

"Neela," he tried to interrupt me, but I shook my head.

"No, you know when your parent's came to visit me, when you were in Iraq? They told me they were getting a divorce. Your own mother sat me down and told me what it was going to be like being married to a soldier. I didn't listen. I didn't want to believe her. I thought that as soon as we were together, we would be fine, be a proper couple."

"We are a proper couple, we're better than fine."

"You don't understand. I don't want this life, I want to be able to stay somewhere long enough I don't have to keep working my way back up the chain, keep making new friends. It takes me so long to feel like I fit in, and I don't here after eighteen months. If we keep moving, I will never feel like that again."

"That's just here, it's an exception they're just... odd here. In other places you'll find good friends."

"And then I'll have to leave them again."

He sighed and sat on the sofa again. "I've said I'm sorry, but there's nothing I can do. I'm leaving in a week."

"How long do I have to pack up?"

"A month."

"Great. I'm going to bed." He nodded and I went upstairs to the bedroom, locking the door behind me. I got the Chicago box down again. I got out the pile of cards;

You've been great to work with,

We'll all miss you,

You're such a great doctor, and a good friend.

There was one from Abby, Luka, Pratt, Sam, Jerry and Frank, even Clementi had givenme a rough one. There wasn't one from Ray, he'd just given me the present. A couple of months after I'd left I'd gotten one from him though. I took it out now, it was a photo shopped image of a bottle of beer and a pack of cards labelled "poker". The caption said; Wish you were here. On the back he'd wrote;

Saw this and thought of you,

Miss you and your nagging,

Ray

I shook my head, thinking about him probably laughing to himself as he'd wrote that. He thought he was so funny. I took the t-shirt and climbed into bed. It reminded me of a time where I'd had fun. It seemed so far away, but as I pressed the fabric to my face memories came flooding back.

Ray playing his guitar on the sofa next to me. His hair sticking up and his nails painted, ready for a gig. His face serious as he concentrated, his eyes shining.

Walking passed him in the corridor and rolling my eyes. Him giving me a knowing smile.

Sitting with him, drinking a beer and watching some rubbish on the t.v.

I felt like I could cry, but my eyes remained dry. I wanted to go back there so much. I wished the passed two years hadn't happened. I wished I was still living with Ray, being his Roomie, helping Abby to make up her mind about Luka, trying to win Albright over for the surgical rotation. But two years was a long time, and things had changed so much. I could never go back to that time, even if I did go back to Chicago.

Go back to Chicago? Was that what I wanted?

As soon as I thought that I knew it was. I wanted to go back there, see my friends. I needed to. I got up once more and went to the wardrobe, by the side there was a suitcase. I pulled it out and then went to the drawers. I took piles of clothes and loaded them in, I probably had an unnecessary amount of tops and no trousers but I didn't care. I could always buy something when I was there. But right now I needed to be out of this house, out of town. I needed to be somewhere I loved, where I knew people loved me.

The door twisted and Michael knocked on it, "Neela, come on, open up."

I went over and opened it, then went back to my packing without speaking.

"Neela..." he said. It was more of a question than a statement.

"I'm going to Chicago."

"Neela, please, don't do this, we can fix this."

"I'm going to visit Abby. I need to sort myself out. I didn't get the surgical rotation and then you told me this and..." I sighed. "I just need to get out."

He stood in the doorway, his arms by his sides. "You're just going to visit right?"

I looked at him. "A visit, that's all."

"Alright... well, it's late, you can pack tomorrow, come to bed."

"I'd rather do it now, I want to leave early."

"Neela, please don't be mad with me."

"I'm not," I said, going over and putting my hand on his arm. "I'm not mad at you Michael."

I'm mad at myself, I thought.

A/N So... what did you think? Hmm, I wonder what could happen in Chicago... hmmm.