"Well,
have fun!"
"What, you're not going either, Rikku?"
"I keep my memories inside."
"Huh?"
"Memories are nice, but that's all they are."
Of course I wasn't going in. why would I, no one I ever knew or loved would be in there. Ok, I guess my aunt and uncle would be there but that's it. I just couldn't bring myself to go in and see everyone with their memories and images of their families and mine not there. I had been in once before. I heard when I was little that there was a place that you could go to and talk to your family members who had passed away. I wanted that! I wanted to go and see my mom. So I put on my new dress and stole away onto a boat and when it got to the Moonflow I ran all the way to Guadosalam. But, when I got to the Farplane I thought hard about my mom. But her image never came I tried for hours but I could never see her image. I couldn't help it, I began to cry. That's when pops finally found me. I think he was about to give me a lecture but when he saw the tears going down my small face he did nothing. He just knelt in front of me
"Rikku lets go home. We shouldn't be here you know that" I didn't want to leave. I wanted to see my mom. I wanted to show her my new dress; I wanted to show her how much I had grown.
"But Daddy, I wanna see mom"
He was silent, and all I could do was run from him and squeeze my eyes shut and think as hard as I could about my mom. But she never came. This just made me cry harder.
"Rikku, she's not coming" my pops told me gently. But I didn't understand at that age
"Why not, doesn't she want to see me?"
He couldn't bring himself to tell me. Sure I had heard words a child my age never should have had to hear, especially not told to them. Words like traitor and heathen and lowlife. But I never really knew what they meant. So he just picked me up and carried me out of the Farplane and back to our boat. The other men looked away; they couldn't meet my father's eyes. And all I could do was cry.
Im older now. I understand why she wasn't there. When the al bhed die we don't get sent. We don't have a ceremony. We turn into fiends. Our souls don't rest in peace. It's not fair. We don't deserve the treatment we get in life, we bear with it as much as we can, but shouldn't we at least have the afterlife to rest and not worry? I don't want to die; I know that Yunie would send me. But I would be alone. I don't want to become a fiend, but I don't want to be alone for the rest of the after life either. I don't get what we did to deserve this! This isn't fair. Fate is punishing us for something we didn't do, and justice has turned away. We are left in the dark of the world. Spira is a never ending circle of death, and we al bhed are right in the middle. We are like the dead walking, joy is almost a dream, and when we die it's almost as if nothing has changed in this hell hole we call existence. And that is why I cant go into the Farplane, I cant go in and know that while all of Spira has a place to rest after death, my ancestors are still suffering as fiends, enveloped in their own hate and despair. Sure I made up a small white lie about memories being nice, but really Tidus, you can't hide behind a memory forever.