A/N Well, I know you all loved the fluff. But as I said to someone in a review reply, that was the calm before the storm. Because my friends, nothing is ever simple in the life of our Roomies, especially not when they seem to have forgotten about a few words that Neela said... in an episode called "I Do" I believe.

Chapter 11- Neela

"You'd better take a weight off of your mind and listen

To what other people say,

'Cause things are going wrong your own way."

-Belle and Sebastian, "Belle and Sebastian"

Fuck, I thought to myself as I woke up. Oh I was such an idiot. My head was thumping and I could barely peel my eyes apart. Why the hell did I drink so much? I could hardly remember last night... Except a hell of a lot of beer. I sat up, it felt so much worse. But I had to get up, I needed some water, my mouth was like the desert. I got out of bed and stumbled out of my room. I didn't even notice the calender.

I heard the shower as I went to the kitchen. I poured a glass of water, oh finally -liquid. I leaned against the counter. I was so messed up. "'S all Ray's fault," I mumbled.

"Aw, that ain't true." Talk of the devil, he was standing in the door way, looking very chipper. I hated that word. His hair was still wet and he was just wearing a pair of jeans. I felt my knees go week. Oh sweet lord... He winked at me, "I told you I could drink you under the table."

"I think I remember it being a draw actually."

"That's what I let you think, to save your pride," he said, smiling.

"Stop being so damn cheerful. I hate you right now."

"Have a shower, it helps. And painkillers. Mind you, I was up half the night throwing up so it's probably all out of my system."

"Lucky," I said, heading for the bathroom.

"You wouldn't be saying that if it was you."

"You better have cleaned up in here!" I nagged. I couldn't help it. I had to say something. I couldn't just leave him with that smug look on his face. He so didn't win.

He was right though, the shower helped. A little. I washed my hair and felt a lot fresher by the time I'd stepped out. I pulled on the fresh shirt and jeans I'd brought with me. I always wondered why clean clothes made you feel so much better, but they did. I went out, Ray was in the living room. So was Michael.

My first thought was; I hopeRay didn't answer the door in just his jeans.

Then I remembered, it was the weekend Michael was coming to stay. And I hadn't told Ray. And I'd forgotten myself. Oh... dear. Both men turned to look at me from the sofa. Both had hurt in their eyes. My throat closed up and tears began to fill my eyes, I didn't want either of them to hurt. That's why I'd tried to... I had messed up everything. Now everyone was getting hurt, and it was all my bloody fault.

"Hi!" I managed to croak out. "It's so good to see you, I've missed you." Ray turned away from me as Michael got up. He came and stood in front of me. I saw Ray sitting on the sofa out of the corner of my eye, jaw clenched. Then I turned to my husband. He looked down at me. Please don't hate me. I wasn't sure who I was talking to.

"Neela... I've missed you so much," he took me in his arms, hugging me tightly, as if he could only hold me tight enough I'd come back to him. He wasn't stupid, I'd held him for a fool, but he wasn't. He knew what was happening between us, he knew our marriage was breaking, the cracks were finally showing. And he still didn't want to let go. He was a better person than me, he had meant what he said on our wedding day. I'd thought I had too...

"Well, I'll leave you to it," Ray said, getting up. He didn't look at me as he walked out. I wanted to call after him but Michael took my hand and led me to the sofa.

"I asked him if he'd give us some space... I hope you don't mind."

"No," I said, feeling even more choked. I didn't want anyone to hate me, I just wanted everyone to be happy. But I was beginning to see there was no way this could have a happy ending. Either way someone was getting hurt. And it seemed to be up to me to pick who.

Michael looked at me, deep into my eyes, but there was no connection like there had been with Ray at his gig, over a sea of people. There was only a sofa between Michael and I, but there was no connection. He didn't bother with formalities, he just needed to know. "Neela, what's happened to us? I thought we were still happy. I thought... I thought I was what you wanted."

"Michael... we were happy."

"We're still married you know, we're not past tense," he said, his voice holding a little anger. I hadn't realised how strongly he still wanted us to be perfect.

"I know that Michael... I just, I don't think I can... I don't know what you want me to say!"

"I don't want you to say anything. I just want you to come home to me," he said.

"We don't have a bloody home," I muttered.

"See this is what I'm talking about. I knew you were angry that we have to relocate, but you won't talkto me about it! Don't shut me out Neela, please."

"You just said you didn't want me to say anything, now you want me to talk?"

"Don't be childish Neela. This is serious."

"Do you think I don't know how serious this? I am not taking this lightly," I took in a breath, "In fact I'm offended that you think I am."

"Oh for god's sake Neela! I just want us to go back to how we were. All I want is for us to happy again." He sighed then contiued, "I just... Neela, please don't shut me out. I'm your husband."

"I never ever forgot that Michael. I always wanted this to work, I've tried so hard..." I left the I've given up so much unspoeken, but he knew what I meant;

He nodded, "I know you've given up a lot, and you know how sorry I am for that. But it's just, we swore to be together, to love each other forever."

"Don't quote vows at me," I said, anger welling up inside me. Because I knew he was right, I had said that. I'd meant it too, once.

"Neela! I am just trying to say..." before he got a chance to finish the phone rang. We both turned to glare at it. Then I went and answered it.

"Hello?" I snapped.

"Neela?" It was Abby.

"Yes," I said, sighing, "Sorry, what's up?"

"Jasmyn's puking up and I was wondering if you could cover my shift. I know it's a bit much to ask but..."

I cut her off, "Abby, it's fine. When's your shift?"

"Pretty much now."

"Ok, I'll be there."

"Thanks Neela."

"It's alright," I said out loud. In my head I said, no thank you. I turned to Michael, "I have to go into the ER. Abby needs me to cover a shift."

He looked at me, stony eyed. "Can't he do it?" He motioned to Ray's door.

"Abby asked me."

"We need to talk."

"We can talk later, I need to go," I said, turning away from him. I needed to get away from him. I didn't know what he wanted me to say, I couldn't tell him that I wanted us to stay together forever. I couldn't lie any more. This situation had to end, if I was the one who had to end it -so be it. But I needed to be prepared. I didn't want to hurt him and I didn't want him to hate me, so I had to plan this.

"Where are you going?" Ray asked, coming out of his room as I pulled on my coat.

"Abby needs me to cover her shift," I said, quickly, without looking at him. I went out of the door and was about to close it but he followed me into the hall.

"What the hell are you doing?"

I looked up at him, he looked so angry. "I'm just... I don't know."

"Don't you think you should know? Why didn't you tell me he was coming? I could have used a bit of warning."

"I'm sorry, I was just waiting for the right time to tell you and..." I trailed off.

He sighed, "So... what? You're just going to leave him here?"

I shrugged.

"Fuck this Neela. I should not be the one who has to talk to your..." he paused, then spat out, "Your husband because you are too fucking scared."

"I'm not scared! I just don't want to..."

"You don't have a choice Neela, you can't run away from everything you know!"

He walked back into the apartment, leaving me standing on my own in the hall. I walked to the lift, tears running down my cheeks. He was right, I couldn't run away from everything. I couldn't run away from Michael like I'd run away from him. This had to stop, somehow I was going to have to sort this out. Because right now, I wasn't sure that either of them would ever forgive me, what did it matter if they hated me a little more? I wiped my tears on my hand, walking towards the El. What the hell was I going to do?

When I got into the ER it was business as usual. There were more patients than I'd thought we could possibly help, but Smith and I somehow managed to sort most of them out. Strangely, even though it was really busy, there weren't any traumas. Finally, we managed to take a break and grab some coffee. We were both standing in the Doctor's Lounge when I realised I didn't even know her first name.

"God, I feel really bad, I don't even know your first name," I said suddenly, adding milk to my coffee.

She laughed, "It's Caroline. Don't worry, I'm pretty much used to everyone calling me Smith by now. Plus Barnett -see we all use last names- Ray," she corrected herself, "Is totally useless at introductions."

I cringed. Just saying his name brought my mind back to the two men waiting for me in my apartment.

"Are you alright?"

"Oh yeah..." I took a swig of coffee and my eyes widened. It was terrible.

"You don't look alright."

"I'm fine," I said, swallowing quickly and casually placing the cup back down. "It's just..." It felt weird, talking to her about this, but I really needed to talk to someone. Abby wasn't here, Ray was obviously off limits... "My friend, she's got this relationship thing going on."

"Oh?"

"Yeah... she um, realised she isn't in love with her husband any more."

Smith, I mean Caroline's eyes widened, "That's pretty serious. What's she going to do?"

"She doesn't know, that's the problem. You see, he's in the army, and they're meant to be relocating. So she kind of has to tell him now, if she's going to."

Jerry pushed open the door, "Two traumas coming!" he shouted, before closing the door again.

Shit, as soon as I started talking, we got interrupted. Just my bloody luck. Caroline went for the door, "We'd better go."

"Yup, guess so," I made to follow her. As she got to the door she turned back and said;

"Just tell him Neela, you can't live a lie. If you don't love him, it'd be cruel to keep leading him on."

I didn't know what to say, so I just said, "Thanks." Then I added, "You're right."

A/N I hope this was all right. I'm not sure if it's realistic or whatever because aged 16 I haven't had to have such a conversation with my soldier husband because I'm in love with my hot guitar playing room-mate. Yet, anyway... Please review!