Chapter 12- Ray

"Heads up, damage control, there's a ring around her finger."

-Motion City Soundtrack "Together We'll Ring in the New Year"

I don't think I'd ever been so pissed in all my life. Here I was sitting on my couch with her husband while he asked me what had gone with their marriage. Did he really think I gave a damn? I hated him, I didn't care if his marriage was falling apart. And as for his wife. I'd just been living my life, when she'd come into it -stirring everything up until I'd changed into someone I hadn't even recognised. At one time I'd thought she'd made me a better person. And then she left, leaving me to wallow in my own self pity like the fool I was. But the thing that made me an even greater fool was when she'd come back -I'd been happy.

All she had ever done was bring me trouble, and yet I had grinned like an idiot when she'd come back. I'd hugged her when she said she was going to work at County again. I'd asked her to move in again. I should have left her well enough alone, it sounded like some film line but my heart just couldn't take her. I loved her. She was the first woman I'd ever loved, and I'd never even kissed her. Then she goes and flaunts her husband in my face, it's like she's cutting me. I had forgotten about that ring, that ring that said I shouldn't feel for her. And she'd let me.

When she had left the first time she had left a deep cut, one that had been gradually healing with time. Then she'd come back and I thought it had healed forever. But I was a doctor, I should know there was no quick fix. Because today she had ripped it open again, wider and more painful. Fuck her, I thought, why do I care so much? Why the hell do I have to care about her at all? I should hate her, but I can't.

I love her.

"I love her," her husband said to me. His voice was filled with the anguish I too felt, he could show it -I couldn't.

I couldn't feel sorry for him. He had taken Neela from me. He had married her, he had spent two years of married life with her. And yes, he had hurt her -by going to Iraq, by taking her from Chicago, he had hurt her. For that reason alone I could hate him.

God, she had messed me up.

"I have to go to work soon," I said, with out feeling. "You can come with me. She'll have had a chance to cool off by now."

He nodded, "Yeah... thanks man."

I almost laughed. He shouldn't be thanking me.

I got up to get ready, not that it mattered. I put on some fresh clothes, grabbed my coat and bag then called through, "Are you ready?"

He came into the hall, he looked a mess. Poor guy, I thought to myself, she doesn't half mess with your mind does she? If only she wasn't so perfect, this wouldn't matter as much to either of us. I wasn't stupid, I knew the only reason I was so angry with her was because of the amount I cared for her, the amount of want I had for her. The fact that it just was not fair.

"Gallant, it's so good to see you," Jerry said as we walked into the ER. I glared at him and walked to the Doctor's Lounge.

"He's looking for Neela," I shouted back over my shoulder. Like I was going to help him look for her.

I grabbed my lab coat and stethoscope and threw my bag and coat into my locker. I wanted to hit something, I really did. I curled my hand into a fist and punched my locker, over and over until there was a dent in it and my hand was bloody. I turned and saw Neela standing before me. How long had she been there for?

"Ray..." she whispered, her brown eyes full of emotion.

"What?" I snapped.

"I'm so sorry."

"Right," I said, before walking out. I didn't need her pity, or apologies. I just needed her out of my life. If I couldn't tell her how I truly felt, I didn't want to see her at all. Yeah, I was an idiot, all this time I'd been back I'd been "waiting for the right moment" as she put it. Now I realised there would never be a right moment, she was married.

As I stormed down the corridor I heard my name behind me. I ignored it, thinking it was Neela, then it was shouted again and I realised it wasn't her.

"Barnett!" I span round and glared at Weaver. She gave me her own death glare back. "What the hell do you think you're doing, defacing hospital property?"

"I..." I wanted to shout, but the anger just left me, leaving me unable to say anything. I just collapsed against the wall and held my head in my hands.

"Come on, let me sort your hand out," she spoke, in what had to be the softest voice I'd ever heard from her.

I let her lead me to an exam room, she closed the curtain and took out a suture kit. "I'm sorry. I just..."

She cut me off with a wave of her hand, she didn't look at me -only my hand. "Henry cut his hand up playing in the park, he fell over and skidded on his hands. Looked a bit like this. Of course he was wailing."

"You should have seen the other guy," I said wryly.

"Of course, this was self-inflicted so you can't expect much sympathy."

"True."

She glanced up at me, "Don't be angry with her. It isn't just her fault you're all in this situation."

I gaped at her, Kerry Weaver, head of staff, knew about Neela and I's problem? God, it was true she had eyes everywhere.

"I'm not angry just at her," I sighed, "I'm just angry mostly. I don't know who I'm supposed to direct it at. I'm not a big believer in a higher power or anything, so it can't be their fault."

"Maybe it isn't anyone's fault. Perhaps these things just happen." She sat up straight, "There you go. Now, step out of this mood and step into being a doctor. If I see you treating one patient in anything but the most considerate manner because you're in a mood I will be on your ass so fast you'll wish the locker had got the best of you."

She left the room, and I was left staring at the door. Surreal much?

That day I decided I was very glad I was a doctor, it was near impossible to think about your own problems when faced with the myriad of cases you got in the ER. I didn't even see Neela or Gallantuntil the end of theday -much to my thankfulness. I don't know if I'd have been able to cope with seeing them together. It had been bad enough hearing them having their "conversation" this morning.

I came back from surgery, towards the end of shift, and heard raised voices in one of the exam rooms. I could see the shadow of Gallant and I guessed that him and Neela were probably "talking." I knew I should, but I couldn't help listening. Yeah, it wasn't all Neela's fault my hear kept breaking -it was my own bloody fault. Utterly and completely. I knew I shouldn't for my own good but I did.

"Look, let's just stay calm. Alright?"

"Michael!" Neela sounded close to tears, and she sounded terrified. What the hell was going on in there?

"Neela, it's alright. He's not going to hurt you is he?"

What? I thought.

Then another voice spoke, rushed and scared sounding, "I'm not going to jail. It wasn't me who fucking killed her! You can't let them take me, I won't go!"

Shit, I thought. That was my last thought though, the next voice made me lose all sense of reason.

"Please, let me go," Neela said, and I could hear the panic and fear in her voice, I could hear her sobbing softly. I pushed the door open, sort of going for the element of surprise -though truthfully I wasn't thinking about anything. One thought was in my head, and one thought only. I can't let Neela get hurt.

There was a young guy, holding Neela to him with one arm, pointing a gun at her with the other. Tears were rolling down her face, and he looked scared shitless. Another time I might have felt sorry for him, but he was holding Neela at gun point, there could be no sympathy. Gallant was standing a safe distance away, he'd been trying to reason with the guy. Probably the safe, sensible way to do it. But I couldn't just stand there when I heard Neela's voice, so scared. I ran towards them, going for the gun. I managed to pull his arm back so the gun was away from Neela. I heard her footsteps as she ran across the room. Then I felt a sudden pain in my chest, and in my stomach. Then I heard the bangs.

"Ray!" I heard her scream, before I collapsed to the floor. My vision went black.

I don't know whether it was minutes or seconds later but my eyes fluttered open and I saw her standing over me, tears rolling down her face, "Oh god, please Ray, don't die. Please, don't leave me."

"I won't leave you Roomie," I said with a small laugh before unconsciousness took me once more. I wished I knew that for sure.

A/NUm... I know this was shorter than usual, but it was um, pretty action packed. So I hope that's alright... I really really hope you liked... please review!