A/N Hey there dudes and dudettes!

This chapter is being posted now, rather than tomorrow, as I had planned! Because Butterflywest are holding a Cereal Aisle chapter hostage! I couldn't have that, could I? And also! Everyone is mega pleading for an update. Hey, I'm a sucker for flattery, thanks Kat! So thank you for all your reviews and many, many lovely PM's! And Butterflywest, you better get posting, quick!

This chapter is a little different form my previous ones, because it is split into two parts. That's because I had two lyric bits that I just could not chose between. So I thought I'd just put them both in! Hope you like...

Chapter 13- Neela

"She lay in bed all night watching the morning change,

She lay in bed all night watching the colours change,

She lay in bed all night watching the colours change into green

and gold."

-Belle and Sebastian "Beautiful"

I couldn't breathe. I felt trapped in here. I was bloody trapped in here. They wouldn't let me out. I couldn't sleep, I know that's what they wanted, but I couldn't sleep. Not when I didn't know... Luka had pulled me out of the room, I was screaming hysterically, I wasn't even crying any more -just screaming. He took me here, one of the exam rooms. I couldn't even recognise it. I don't know whether it was hours or minutes later but Abby came in. I guess it must have been a while since she had been at home. All I could say was;

"How is he? What are they doing? What's happening?"

She tried to sit me down, but I couldn't stop pacing. She said I was in shock, that I'd had a traumatic experience and I needed to rest. I just repeated my questions. She sighed, "He was shot twice Neela... they're operating on him now."

"Who is? Albright? It should be Dubenko, he's more qualified," I was speaking so quickly, with exaggerated and gestures as I paced.

"Neela," she said, coming over to me and pinning my arms to my side. "He is getting the best care in this hospital. He is one of us. Even Weaver was working on him in trauma. But right now I'm worried about you."

"I'm fine, I just... Abby..." After that I collapsed against her and she helped me to the bed. My eyes were dry, but I was sobbing. I couldn't sleep.

But I guess I must have, because the next thing I knew Abby was shaking me awake, a smile on her face.

"He's out of surgery, he's going to be alright. They're very hopeful."

Tears began rolling down my cheeks, "Are you sure?"

She smiled, "Yes, I'm sure."

I hugged her, mumbling into her shoulder; "I almost lost him. It's all my fault."

"He's fine Neela. He's going to be alright. It isn't your fault. Don't worry," she said comfortingly.

I wiped my eyes and tried to smile. "I was so scared."

"I know, it must have been terrifying."

I laughed, "Abby, I'm not even talking about being held at gun point. I was more frightened I was going to loose Ray. How stupid is that?"

"It's not stupid Neela, but I do think it proves something."

I nodded, "I know. Is Michael still here?"

"Yes, he was giving a statement to the police and then he wanted to see what happened, and wait for you."

"I need to talk to him."

"I'll send him in," she said, with an encouraging smile. "Just tell him the truth Neela. I think deep down, he probably already knows."

I sat on the bed, waiting for my husband. All I could think of was my room-mate, lying upstairs somewhere. He had risked his life for mine. He'd gotten shot, to save me. He had saved my life, and he'd been willing to give up his own life for mine. I owed it to him to be truthful. But I had to be truthful to Michael first. I couldn't treat Michael that way, he'd only ever been kind to me, but I also could not live this lie any more. It just wasn't fair.

"Neela." I turned to the door and saw Michael standing there. "I was so worried... god..."

"I'm alright Michael, really. It was just shock." I looked at him, he was certainly handsome. And he was a good, kind, loving man. Whoever fell for him next would be a lucky woman. He deserved someone to love him properly, I knew I would hurt him, but in the end he would be happier. I knew that now, this was the only way we could all be happy. Maybe not at first, but in the end... I hoped he would find someone who was as good as him. I knew he would.

"Neela, we don't have to talk now."

"No, we do." I sighed, "I love you Michael, you are one of the most kindest, sweetest people I have ever known. I was so honoured that you wanted me to be your wife. But I'm just not that person, I'm not a soldier's wife." He tried to speak, but I held up my hand, "Please let me finish. One day I know you will find someone who will love you as much as you deserve, in the right way. You have been one of my best friends over the time we have known each other, and I will always love you. I just can't love you as a wife. I'm sorry."

He opened his mouth a few times, as if he wanted to say something, but couldn't. Finally he said; "I thought we had... we were... I thought we had so much."

"We did. It's just not... me."

"Well what is? We have a house, we both have steady, rewarding jobs, we love each other... I don't understand what else you want."

"We love each other, but not in the right way. I love you as a great friend, but not a husband. I wish I did. I really do, but I can't help what I feel. You're the sensible choice, Michael, you always do the right thing, I know you would always love me, care for me. I know you would never hurt me. But sometimes... sometimes you just feel something and you have to act on your feelings, not what your head thinks. Not what you think you should do, just what you have to do, because you want it too much to let it go."

"You mean him don't you."

I sighed, "I mean a lot of things. I never wanted to leave Chicago or County. But yes, Ray's accident has put my... feelings in proportion. I've realised I can't go on lying, to either of you."

"So, because I didn't jump in front of a gun like an idiot, you pick him. He got shot Neela, he could have got you shot! He was a fool."

"I didn't pick him over you, and it wasn't about him jumping in front of the gun."

"You just said it was."

"No, I said his accident, I meant that I almost lost him. He could have died, and he never would have known how much I care about him. I'm sorry Michael, I didn't want to have to go into that with you, I know you don't want to hear it."

"I do Neela, I want to see how he has charmed you. What, is he better in bed or something?"

I didn't know what to say. I knew he would be hurt, but I really had thought we could have both been adults about it. Obviously not.

"I have never slept with him. I've never even kissed him. Do you really think that? That I would cheat on you? If you do... why the hell did you marry me?"

"Because I love you. I don't want this to happen. Why..." he trailed off, as if he didn't know what he wanted to know.

"I don't know why Michael, I don't why we weren't meant to be together. Maybe it's fate or God or something, I just don't know. All I know is that you and I, we've had beautiful times together, memories that I will always, always cherish." I wasn't going to get childish and retaliate with personal put downs like he had. I still loved him, I still wanted him to be my friend when this was over. I hoped that one day we could overcome this.

"What do you want then, a divorce?" he said, sounding hurt.

I just nodded. There was no need to speak.

He rubbed his fingers in his temples. "I wish we could still be happy."

"We will be. We just won't be married."

"If this was the first mention of this, I wouldn't let you do this. I'd say you were in shock," he sighed, "But it's not. I've known that something wasn't right. I can say that much."

"I know Michael."

"I knew from... before our anniversary. Hell... I knew before that you had feelings for him. I just thought, when you moved with me... that you had more for me."

"I'm sorry."

"I know." He walked towards the door, saying quietly, "I know." When he reached the door he turned and looked at me, as if he was trying to create a memory of me. "I love you Neela. For that reason alone am I letting you go. I want you to be happy... so for god sake, tell him to take care of you."

I got up and hugged him, I knew how hard it must have been for him to say that. "Thank you Michael, thank you for everything."

He nodded then pulled away. "I don't think I'll be able to cope seeing you... not too soon anyway. I hope one day we can be friends again. But right now, I can't, I'm sorry. I'll be going back to Texas, and we still have the house for a week. If you want to go and pack all your stuff, I won't be there."

"I understand. I hope we can be friends too. I will always love you."

"I'll always love you too," he said, before walking out the door. I stood in the doorway and watched him walk away, he didn't look back.

"Even if you can not hear my voice,

I'll be right beside you dear."

-Snow Patrol "Run"

Abby took me upstairs, to Ray's room. When I walked in, my knees went weak. He looked so pale. Wires were coming out of him, machines were beeping. I knew that I knew what they were, but I couldn't think of anyone, but the figure lying motionless in the bed.

"Oh God," I breathed, walking to the chair next to him and collapsing into it. "Hey Roomie."

"I'll leave you to it," Abby said, still in the door way. "Hey Barnett, you better take good care of her. Otherwise you'll have me and Jasmyn to tangle with." She smiled, then walked out of the room.

"You gave me a bloody scare. What the hell do you think you were doing, running in front of a bloody gun? You're an idiot you know?" I paused and took his hand. "I told Michael that I don't love him any more, not as his wife anyway. It seems we're getting a divorce. You better get well soon so you can help me through that. I'm going to need you. I need you now. Please wake up soon." I gave a small laugh, "I feel like a right idiot sitting here, talking to myself. Who am I meant to argue with and nag now?"

A nurse came in, and began checking his vitals. "He's doing fine," she informed me, "He's a real fighter."

"God, don't I know it. I have to bloody live with him." I knew I had a stupid grin plastered across my face, but I didn't care what I must look like. I was too glad not to show it. "Thank you for saving my life. It was very brave of you, but stupid as hell. And don't you dare do anything like that, ever again. I wouldn't be able to cope. You know I'll only tell you this while you're under, but I was messed up. I was more scared of losing you than I had been when that idiot was holding a gun at me. He was only a kid you know, he was in a car accident, knocked some girl over. He's definitely going to jail now, of course. I thought he was going to shoot me, but you saved me. You're like my knight in shining armour. Well, rusty armour perhaps."

A/N So? Did you like? Realistic? Sweet end bit? Sad? What? Please tell me in your reviews! And that last line about rusty armour is dedicated to Ryan (even though he probably won't read this) as he was once my knight in rusty armour! Hehe. Review please!