A/N I know the song bit for this is a tad long, but I just couldn't work out the bits to cut! I mean, the whole song goes with this chapter and Ray's feelings. I think, anyway! Hope you like!

Chapter 14- Ray

"I've caught myself smiling alone, Just thinking of your voice,

I'm dreaming of your touch, It's all too much,

You know I don't have any choice, Don't say you love me,

Unless forever, Don't tell me you need me,

If you're not going to stay, Don't give me this feeling,

I'll only believe it,

Make it real, or take it all away."

-The Corrs "Don't Say You Love Me"

"...Going to shoot me, but you saved me. You're like my knight in shining armour. Well, rusty armour perhaps." As I began to wake up, I heard Neela talking. She was alright -she hadn't been hurt by my stupidity. Her voice was beautiful, sweet, I could listen to it all day. I couldn't let her get away with that comment though.

"Hey, why rusty armour?" I asked croakily.

Her eyes widened with shock, "Oh my god, Ray. You bloody scared me. How long have you been awake?"

I cleared my throat, not that it really helped, "I just woke up, honest. Why, what have you been saying?" I asked with raised eyebrows.

She shook her head, "Still making innuendos after you've been shot? What does it take to stop you?"

"I'm invincible."

"You could have told me that before, I was really worried."

I squeezed her hand, which was already in mine, "I'm sorry." Then I added, worriedly, "You didn't get hurt did you?"

She laughed, "No, I'm fine. You however got shot twice. They had to operate. Aparantly, Weaver was head of the trauma room."

I smiled, "Me and Weaver reached an understanding today, or yesterday... what day is it?"

She raised her eyebrows but didn't say anything. "You've been out for a while, but I was drugged up too, so I'm not sure how long exactly. It's Sunday night now."

"Why were you drugged?"

"They had to calm me down, I was hysterical. Only sleeping pills though, nothing too bad."

"Hysterical over me?" I asked with a grin.

"Who else could get shot trying to do something brave."

"Aw, that hurts Neela, I was trying to save your life."

"You did, thank you." Her eyes told me there was so much more that she wanted to tell me than that simple thank you. But she couldn't. Oh great, we were just back to square one.

"Where's Michael?" I asked, stonily. I wasn't going to let myself fall again. I'd gotten shot because of her, surely that was a sign to stay away. I seemed to be into the fate, signs thing recently.

"He... left."

"Oh?"

"I'll tell you more later. But I have to do something first."

"What?"

"You'll see," she said, with a grin. Why was she so happy? When I was so bloody miserable, what right did she have to be happy? Oh I was bitter. I should just be thankful I was alive, I had taken a huge risk, a stupid risk. For her.

"Right..." I trailed off, not knowing what to say.

"Talking of which, I'd better go."

"You're leaving?" I said, my voice all whiny without me meaning it to be. I couldn't control myself.

"Yup, 'fraid so. I have to go... get something. I'll be back though. I promise."

"Alright. If you promise."

"I promise," she said, leaving the room.

She was gone again. But this time she'd promised to come back. Did I want her to? I'd said before that I wanted her out of my life. That was before I'd gone and got shot trying to save her. Because I'd thought she was going to get hurt, and I knew I couldn't bare that. And if she had... died -I would never have gotten over that. But I almost died. And she'd been hysterical about it.

I wondered what she was going to get. Was it something to do with me? No, it was probably a change of clothes or something boring like that. She said she'd come back. I wanted her to comeback. I liked being around her too much for her not to. I was like a kid, wanting just five minutes more before bed time. I just needed a little more time with Neela. A little more time and I could give her up, couldn't I? If I just had a little more time, a few more memories, I could cope without her.

Who was I kidding?

I couldn't cope without her. Before I'd known her, I'd thought I'd been coping, but only barely. When she came into my life, moved into my apartment, she'd begun to change me. Yes, she had brought out the better person in me. I was still me, cocky, funny -so I thought- a rocker, but I was better. I was a better doctor, I was more considerate. Hell, I was even cleaner. When she'd left, I'd gone back to barely coping. Yeah, this time I'd thought I was doing better, but I was just drifting, not living. I didn't enjoy anything any more, apart from my gigs, and even those had been... mellow -compared to how they had once seemed. Then she came back, and it was like getting the colour back. Everything seemed better, even the mundane stuff like grocery shopping. Because I could think "oh, Neela might use that." I was finally admitting it to myself. I needed Neela. I wanted Neela. I loved Neela. Without her I was a shadow, with her I could be me. The me I wanted to be.

But I knew I could never be truly with her. She was married, and she was relocating soon, moving from Chicago again. Away from me. I'd have to go back to my black and white life soon, but while she was still here I wanted to savour the colours.

I kept drifting in and out of sleep, through the waves of pain I would get every time the painkillers started dying down. Abby, Luka, Weaver, Jerry, Sam, Brett and Matt all came to visit. But Neela didn't come back.

Abby and Jasmyn were visiting, on the Tuesday. They had brought me some grapes, Jasmyn had presented me with them then promptly asked, "Me one?"

I passed her the bag with a chuckle, trying not to move too much. She sat on the floor and began to make her way through the bunch.

"Have you heard from Neela?" I asked.

"She's in(insert name of town). She's only been gone two days, not even that," Abby said. Then she added with a coy grin, "Why, do you miss her?"

"Yes," I said, I couldn't be bothered lying any more.

She looked shocked. "My my, Barnett, you being honest about your feelings?"

I shrugged.

She nodded, "Well, it's about bloody time, to coin a Neela phrase. You two have been humming and hawing for longer than Jasmyn's been alive!"

"I don't see her making any confessions."

She just gave me a look that said, just-you-wait. "Come on Jasmyn, we'll leave the rest of those grapes for Ray."

Jasmyn looked stricken, her mouth bulging with grapes.

"She can keep them, a present from Wray," I said.

She smiled at me, " 'Ank you Wray," she mumbled, after a look from Abby. She came and gave me a sloppy kiss. Then she put her hands on her hips, "Don't be silly again Wray, guns not toys."

I laughed, "I know, I'm sorry."

"Wow, her first lecture, I'm proud," Abby said, with a grin. "Come on Jazz."

They walked out, and I closed my eyes, about to sleep. "Yeah Wray, guns are not toys!"

My eyes snapped open, Neela was standing in the door way, a grin plastered across her face.

"Shut up," I muttered.

She came and sat next to me, "How are you feeling?"

"Like crap," I said, then I saw what she wearing. "Hey that's my..." I trailed off. She was wearing the t-shirt I'd given her, when she'd left Chicago. Which, hey, meant she'd at least opened it. But why was she wearing it now?

She plucked at it, "Are you sure? I mean, how could you tell it isn't mine?"

I grinned, it was a black t-shirt with some bands logos on it. Not particularly a Neela thing. "It's a bit big for you."

"Good for sleeping in," she said. Then she looked at me, seriously.

"What?"

She smiled, just a small one. "I want to tell you something. That's why I had to go and get this, plus the rest of my stuff."

"What do you mean?" I asked, my eyebrows raised.

"God," she said with a laugh, "If I'm going to say this you need to not interrupt."

"Sorry."

"It's alright. So, I had to get this t-shirt before I could say this to you, because it kind of means a lot to me. And to us."

Us? I thought, there was an us?

"I never said thank you for this. Truthfully, I never opened it until... well not very long ago. I knew what it was, and I was running away from it."

"It's just a t-shirt," I said quietly, unable to remain quiet and not quiet believing what she seemed to be saying.

"Thanks Ray," she said with a smile, "I'm pouring my heart out and you tell me it's all over just a t-shirt? Look, I know that... when I moved out, it was a long time ago I know. But I need to explain to you why I did it. I never told you did I?" She didn't wait for me to reply, just continued. Finally, my unasked questions were being answered. "I was running from you. Running away because I couldn't cope with what I felt for you. I couldn't cope with the fact I would rather spend time with you than anyone else, it didn't even matter what we were doing. I realised it that day, when I was talking to Dubenko, and I told him "All I want to do is go home and watch poker with my room-mate," or something like that. My husband was in Iraq, but all I wanted to do was have a few beers with you."

"Neela..."

"Why won't anyone let me talk recently? Ray, I need to just say this. I know that I made out it was your fault, that your feelings were why I moved out. It wasn't, they weren't. It was mine, it was the fact I didn't know whether I would be able to control myself. That's why I couldn't take the t-shirt that time, I knew that it would mean admitting my feelings -and that was wrong." She took a breath. "When I left Chicago, I was happy, because it meant I didn't have to see you at work, knowing I wouldn't be able to hang out with you... But I knew soon that I would have done anything just to see you one more time.. god, I know it's stupid."

"Neela," I interrupted her, "I felt the same."

She looked at me, "You felt the same?" She asked, stressing the past tense.

"I feel the same. But you know that. I jumped in front of a gun, I thought that would pretty much make my feelings obvious. You however..."

"You want me to jump in front of a gun?" She said with a grin.

"Please don't. I would like some... confirmation though. What is it exactly that you were running from?"

"I was running for two years from it. I don't know if I'm ready to confess it," she said seriously.

"Oh, well... that's alright... I mean," I said, trailing off. Then I saw she had a grin plastered across her face, "What?"

She leaned forward, so she was hovering above me, "What I wanted to say was thank you for the t-shirt, thank you for asking me to move in with you -that first time, and the second, thank you for saving my life, more times than you'll probably ever know. Thank you Roomie."

She bent closer to me, so her mouth was millimetres over mine, she smiled at me, her eyes glowing. Then she closed the gap between us, and she was kissing me. All I could feel was her lips on mine, and it felt so good. I moaned into her lips, with relief. I'd wanted to kiss her for so long, and this was... so worth the wait. Except I couldn't move, I couldn't lean up towards her, because I was lying down. I took hold of her t-shirt, my t-shirt and pulled her on top of me, it hurt like hell but god was it worth it.

"Are you alright?" she asked, pulling away, looking worried. "We probably shouldn't..."

"Do I look like I care?" I asked, interrupting her, she grinned and I pulled her back down to me.

"I love you, Wray," she said, giggling against my lips.

"I love you too, Neena."

Hey, I didn't believe in all thatsigns crapanyway.

A/N Can I just say; finally! How long did this take ey? LOL I hope you guys liked it. Sweet enough? Fluffy enough? Eek! Only 2 more chapters to go...

p.s Does anyone know when (month wise) Neela and Gallant actually got married?