Author's Note: Thank you so much to the guest who left a review on my previous chapter! I'm so glad you are enjoying my story and I really, really appreciate the review!
Sometimes Katsuki forgets himself and finds himself engaged in some not-so-innocent flirtatious banter with Kirishima. Each time it happens Katsuki hates himself a little more, it goes against his nature to flirt when he knows he doesn't mean to, that he can't, follow through.
Luckily Kirishima's conviction that his feelings are unrequited prevents him from making a move so Katsuki can avoid having to reject him. If he feels bad flirting without the intent to follow through, he knows having to rebuff Kirishima would kill him. He can't help but wonder what Kirishima makes of their more flirty interactions. Katsuki gets that he's somewhat emotionally constipated somethings but he isn't a complete imbecile, does Kirishima really think Katsuki's suggestive comments are accidental?
"…So I'll remind you all yet again…It is important to remember that hero work is not all about showy villain battles it also includes rescuing civilians from disasters." Aizawa drones his eyes barely open as he sways in front of the class at the training grounds.
Kaminari smirks at Aizawa-sensi's 'reminder' and Katsuki glowers, annoyed that his classmate can't seem to let his embarrassment at the provisional hero license exam go. At least he didn't embarrass himself as badly as Icy-Hot and that loud-mouthed wind-user. Sighing under his breath, Katsuki forces himself to pay attention to Aizama-sensi in time to catch the tail end of his teacher's instructions.
"All right you have 35 minutes to complete this exercise."
The practical exercise requires hard work but is relatively straightforward for a class that already works so well together. As always Midoriya quickly comes up with a plan to best utilize each students' Quirk and with some input from the other students the plan is agreed upon. Jiro's task is to listen for 'signs of life,' in other words the MP3 players playing cries for help which are strapped to the mannequins or 'civilians' the students need to rescue. Once the 'civilians' are located the students are quickly able to reach them with Uraraka lifting the heavy debris out the way by negating gravity.
Twenty minutes into the exercise the training grounds experiences a second simulated earthquake. These shockwaves primarily disturb the area where the students had set up their rescue station to treat injured civilians. Nonetheless, the class adapts well to the new situation. Kirishima instantly throws himself into the fray, using his Hardening to hold up a collapsed building to 'save' the civilians in the rescue area from being crushed.
Katsuki feels the early stirrings of arousal at the sight of all that raw power and strength. He quickly turns away, determined not to get distracted. Katsuki had always found Kirishima stupidly attractive but it seemed falling in love had increased the level of sexual attraction Katsuki feels tenfold. The universe clearly hates him because over the past few weeks Kirishima had…grown up in a very, very good way. His body was broader and his stupidly soft hair had grown even longer. Whenever his eyes are drawn to the hard lines of Kirishima's body during practical training, well - furious jerk-off sessions in the bathroom stall after practical classes are no longer enough to satisfy him.
The class work well together and successfully move the casualties and complete the training assignment. The atmosphere is cheerful as the class traipse into the locker-rooms and despite his sleepy and indifferent demeanour, it is clear Aizawa-sensi is pleased with them.
Katsuki's locker room routine at UA involves lingering around until everyone has finished so he can change in private. The beauty of UA's locker rooms is the privacy of each shower stall. He can't get changed in them though because that would raise too many questions. He finds he prefers to take long hot showers and come out when everyone else has either left or is heading out. That way he seems like he doesn't have anything to hide, he just has what is a rather common idiosyncrasy of enjoying long showers. Sure, he may get a few jokes directed his way about why he spends so longer in the shower, but at least nobody thinks that his long showers are a way to avoid changing in front of others, it is just an unfortunate consequence of taking long showers that he only reaches the changing room long after everyone else has left. After performing his usual long showering routine, he dries inside the stall before dashing out and changing as quickly as possible. The hammering of his heart only slows after he has slipped on his shoes.
So certain that he is alone, Katsuki nearly has a heart attack when Kirishima exits the shower. There is steam billowing out from behind him causing the mirrors to fog up and the humidity of the room to increase. A small white towel is slung over one of Kirishima's shoulders and a fluffy seafoam green towel is wrapped firmly round his hips, highlighting his glowing complexion. His long fiery red hair was soaking wet and plastered over his scalp and the large amount of water dripping from the ends had already started to darken the top of the green towel. Katsuki stares at the thin rivulets of water that flow over Kirishima's toned abs. His mouth waters and his heart hurts.
"Hey bro, I thought you left already?!"
More to the point why the fuck are you still here?! Though Katsuki can't help screaming internally he remains silent.
"Did ya wait for me?"
A grunt. Despite Katsuki's lacklustre response, Kirishima grins and comes closer to Katsuki. Other than the quiet sound of water droplets hitting the tile, the locker room is silent. The room feels unbearably hot. Katsuki's breath catches as Kirishima crowds into his space. When he notices how Katsuki does not move away, Kirishima's gaze roams across Katsuki's face with almost predatory intent. He is so close that he can feel the heat rising from Kirishima's dewy skin. Mouth dry, Katsuki wets his lip with the tip of his tongue. The atmosphere between them is electric.
He is not sure who moves first but before he knows what is happening they're kissing. It is both sensual and needy. Katsuki can feel a heavy damp hand gripping his neck as wet tongue purposefully explores his mouth. Katsuki moans, losing himself in the pleasure as Kirishima deepens the kiss. He kisses Kirishima harder and pulls him closer, fingers digging into his muscular back as he manoeuvres them so Kirishima's warm weight is pressing his back against the wall of lockers.
Katsuki feels feverish with neediness, his cock hard and aching. He slides a leg between Kirishima's thighs, momentarily forgetting that the other is only wearing a towel. The groan Kirishima lets out reverberates through the two of them and Katsuki finds himself holding back a smile at the sound. Gaining confidence Kirishima begins grinding down with intent but the feeling of Kirishima's naked arousal pressing down on his thigh shocks Katsuki back to reality. He jerks away, head banging against the locker behind him. His knee probably knocked Kirishima painfully in the groin but it doesn't even register for either boy. Katsuki's heart is racing and beads of sweat drip down his brow. Miniature explosion spark from his palms, singing two of the cheap wooden locker doors. There is an expression of horrified shock on Kirishima's face but he ignores it, ignores Kirishima's pleading eyes, ignores his stuttering apologies and aggressively shoves past him before rushing towards the exit.
The amount of self-reflection Katsuki had engaged in lately was bordering on disturbing.
So was the amount of time he had spent sitting under this godforsaken tree. Dammit, dammit, dammit. A swirling mix of anger, lust and frustration bubbles under his skin. He feels stupid for being so reckless. Katsuki had always known about Kirishima's crush but for some ungodly reason something had prevented him from connecting it to sexual desire. He had not accounted for the fact that Kirishima may make a sexual pass at him even if fear of rejection prevented him from making a romantic one. They say love makes you blind, Katsuki had thought that saying referred to the flaws present in the object of your affections. He never realised they meant it made you blind to reality.
The reality is that Kirishima liked and desired Katsuki. Now Kirishima thought that his feelings were unrequited but given the prevalence of the friends-with-benefits type of relationship in their friend group, he probably though Katsuki would be fine with a sexual relationship even if he did not reciprocate Kirishima's feelings.
To be fair Kirishima isn't wrong. Katsuki acknowledged Kirishima's attractiveness even before he fell in love with him. The problem is that then and now Katsuki can't accept Kirishima in a romantic or sexual way.
Katsuki couldn't bear the look of horror he imagines would flit across Kirishima's face. The way he would desperately school his expression so he looked less disgusted as he apologised.
He knows Kirishima would be nice about it but the thought of having somebody who was infatuated with him reject him after they find out his inadequacy eats him alive. He already knows he's been cursed with a tiny, pathetic dick that can't satisfy anybody but it doesn't mean he has to like it. Doesn't mean he can't be angry about it. A mix anger and sadness continue to war inside him until –
"Kacchan?"
Katsuki doesn't know whether to laugh or scream. Why is it always Deku that finds him at his worst?
Ignoring the hostility radiating from Katsuki in waves Midoriya plops down beside him.
"Do you want to talk about it Kacchan? You know I'm always willing to listen."
"Clearly I fucking don't" he growls. A pause. Then more quietly he adds "But…thanks."
"Of course, Kacchan!" Midoriya begins yammering on as usual. Though Katsuki mostly tunes him out, he appreciates it, it feels oddly nice and it soothes something inside him. Eventually it seems even Midoriya gets tired of talking to himself and the two sit in silence as the sky darkens above them.
When he had finally returned to his dorm, Katsuki had not felt motivated enough to do much more than fling himself on his bed fully-clothed.
He's roused from his doze later that evening by a series of soft knocks on his door. With a sigh he gets up to let Kirishima in, because really, who else would be visiting him?
"It's fine." Katsuki says as he holds his door open, allowing Kirishima to come inside. "It's whatever."
Other than the gentle click of the door closing, the room remains silent. Katsuki desperately hopes that can be the end of it but instead of coming to sit down Kirishima stays standing by the threshold, his face beet-red. There is another moment of blessed silence before Kirishima begins stuttering out apologies.
"I'm so, so sorry about before. I don't know what that was and what happened. Look I know I got hard and you didn't – I mean I know you told me that you like guys like me but I shouldn't have made assumptions - what I'm trying to say is that it was just something stupid in the heat of the moment yeah? Can we – can we, I don't know, man you are so important to me, you're my best friend – "
This is what Katsuki wants to happen and yet it still hurts to hear. His stomach twists uncomfortably and Kirishima just. Won't. Stop. Talking
"Look bro, can we just forget about it? It was just a ridiculous slip-up. I'm sure we'll laugh about it when we're old and grey haha – I just, I just don't want a stupid mistake to ruin our friendship. Please I can't lose you as a friend."
"Fuck's sake, I said it was fine, didn't I? It's whatever. We're fine.'
"But –"
"Leave it."
Katsuki plops down on his bed and stares at a point over Kirishima's shoulder. He looks up when he feels Kirishima's eyes on him. He knows what he has to do. He allows his mouth to twist into a smirk and makes a cutting sarcastic comment at Kirishima's expense. Though it hurts him somewhere deep inside Katsuki does what he always does when he is reminded of his inadequacy, he uses his demeanour as a shield in public until he can hurt in private.
Katsuki tries not to feel guilty when Kirishima blushes and acts insecure and forces himself to maintain eye contact until Kirishima nods.
"Okay bro."
When Katsuki grunts in response Kirishima laughs and grins before coming over to punch Katsuki lightly on the shoulder. He climbs on Katsuki's bed and makes himself comfortable like he always does and proceeds to regale him with a story about how Ashido tried to teach Iida how to break dance. Katsuki shakes his head but something in his chest unclenches. He's glad they're back to being best friends, even if that is all they can ever be.