Wowsers. I have been busy. Softball season. Alrighty then, back to the madness!
Disclaimer: I don't own the friggin' LoD characters. Or my friends. But I own everything original.
Announcer: Last time, on LoD... Tash and company were astounded to find out that Kristin is the Mistress of Ze Underworld, and that Sami is The Queen of All Ze Underworld.
Me: (sarcastically) thank you, mister Announcer guy!
Announcer: I do my best.
Me: (holds forehead) Why am I surrounded by idiots?
All: We take offense!
Me: I...DO...NOT...CARE!
Chapter 5: Into Ze Underworld
Sami: So let me get this straight...Kristin is the Mistress of Ze Underworld...Kelleigh is the Evil Goddess of the Sexy Demons...and I am The Queen of All Ze Underworld?
Thanh: Yes, oh mighty Queen of All Ze Underworld.
Me: Anyone else you would like to point out to us?
Thanh: (points at Marshall) Yes. That is the Lowest Minion of Ze Underworld. He does the bidding of all the others in Ze Underworld.
Marshall: O.O (gasp) You lie!
Thanh: No, Lowest Minion of Ze Underworld, I do not.
Zeig: I'M BACK!
Me: Go away.
Zeig: Alrighty then! (runs off skipping)
Albert: (sniffling) But I am King!
Thanh: No, stupid one, you are not.
Sami: Hold up! Do I have a King?
Thanh: No, Queen of All Ze Underworld, you do not. Ze Underworld has always been ruled by one Queen and one Queen alone.
Me: Boy, I feel left out.
All: Why?
Me: (ticking it off on fingers) Well lets see here, my best friend is the Mistress of Ze Underworld, my sister is the Evil Goddess of the Sexy Demons, and my other sister is Queen of All Ze Underworld.
All: No shit, Sherlock.
Me: (ignoring comment) So what does that leave me with?
Thanh: You are Flame Goddess.
Me: O.O HOLY FUCKING SHIT! NO EFFIN' WAY!
Thanh: . I am confused.
Sami: It doesn't matter. Tell us how to get to Ze Underworld.
Thanh: It is simple, Queen of All Ze Underworld. All you must do is order Ze Passage to Ze Underworld to open.
Sami: O.o You're a bunch of help.
Thanh: (bowing) Pleased to be of service to you, Queen of All Ze Underworld.
Sami: I don't think they have sarcasm in Ze Underworld.
All: Guess not...
Me: So are we gonna get this shin-dig goin' or what?
All: -- Why not?
Sami: (shrugs shoulders) Um...Passage to Ze Underworld, open?
All:...
Me: Nothing happened.
Kristin: Maybe you have to shout it.
Marshall: Or maybe you have to touch the ground when you do it.
All: And how would you know?
Marshall: Because I'm experienced in this stuff.
Me: You're a minion. We don't have to listen to you.
Marshall: Look, I don't want to be rude—
Me: Then stop talking.
Marshall: (acting like he wasn't interrupted) but I DO know some things that can come in handy.
Me: HA. Like what?
Kelleigh: Would you two can it! I'm trying to think!
All: ...and?
Kelleigh: I think the entrance is somewhere where we don't go too often. Because we would have found it by now, don't you think?
All: Yeah, that does make sense...
Me: But where? Where haven't we gone?
(Three hours later)
Me: For the love of evil! We've searched the whole place and we still can't find it!
Sami: "O.O" I have an idea.
All: Go for it.
Sami: What if it's in my closet?
Kristin: (looks at her like she's insane) Your...closet...?
Sami: Yeah. I mean, who goes in there?
All: We'd probably die if we did.
Sami: Hey now, I keep my closet clean, thank you very much!
Me: (whispering) That's the only thing she keeps clean...
Sami: HEY!
Me: (innocent look) what?
Kristin: The point is—
Sami: The point is that it just might be in my closet.
All: Well, it doesn't hurt to check...
(In Sami's room...)
Sami: (opens closet door) Passage to Ze Underworld, open!
(big loud creaking noise from a rusted door)
Sami: Well, this is it. (enters door)
All: To hell with it... (enters door)
(the door goes into a hallway, and loud rock music seems to be coming form up ahead)
Marshall: There's loud rock music that seems to be coming from up ahead.
(hallway goes into a large room about the size of twenty football fields)
Marshall: (shouting above the music) WHOA! This whole thing is like twenty football fields!
(STOP MOCKING ME DAMMIT!)
Marshall: Touchy.
Sami: (staring at the crowd of dancing people with her mouth open) Hell's a party!
Kristin: (looks at me)
Me: (looks at Kristin)
Kristin and Me: (jump into the crowd just in time to start dancing to "Bodies")
Well, seems like Hell's a party, huh?
Chapter 6 coming soon!
P.S. Love to my sexy sis from college!