Chapter 9: Suspicious Minds Part I
Although nobody has noticed the changes in the relationship between Midoriya and Katsuki, several of Katsuki's teachers and classmates have detected a difference in him.
Katsuki still works hard but the quality of his schoolwork is suffering. It most certainly hasn't escaped his teachers' notice who are starting to question him and express their concern. Fortunately, their class ranking has not been updated recently so Katsuki has managed to
hide the extent of his deteriorating grades from his peers so far. However, the rising number of his classmates who have started to comment on his increasingly erratic mood swings and sudden chronic exhaustion indicates he hasn't completely avoided arousing their suspicions.
Productivity during their usual Thursday study period is nonexistent for Katsuki. In the past twenty-five minutes all he has accomplished is taking his original essay out of his bag and rewriting the title on a fresh sheet of notepaper. Katsuki's latest essay submission for his Hero Ethics class was returned covered in red marks, an air of disappointment and a sticky note indicating his rewrite was due in a week.
Having such a sub-par work associated with his name makes Katsuki feel incredibly embarrassed and disappointed with himself.
He can see from his teacher's scribbled feedback about 'better time management skills' that one would assume it had been cobbled together less than an hour before it was due. Katsuki's not surprised by this assessment because the essay does appear to either be rushed or as if it was written by a complete imbecile given the circular reasoning serving as the foundation of the thesis and the limited citations used. Katsuki usually falls within the top percentage of the class so he understands why his teacher assumed the former. What is most upsetting is that although it looks like he'd written it in thirty minutes or less, he'd spent hours on it. The crux of the problem being these hours were between the period of 3AM and 7AM after a night with Deku. To outside observers it still looks like Katsuki goes to bed early but more often than not Katsuki ends up being kept up late according to Midoriya's whims. Organising a structured argument seems like an impossible undertaking these days when he can't even sort out the chaotic fragments of his mind. Katsuki is aware he can hardly tell his teachers that though, what would he say? Hey, the reason I'm fucking up so much at the moment is because Deku messes up my head whenever we have sex. As if. Like any of the faculty would believe their resident golden child is even capable of half the things he does to me behind closed doors. Unconsciously Katsuki begins gripping his pen harder and harder until he is distracted by wetness on his hand. The force of his grip had shattered the plastic encasing the ink. Groaning Katsuki raises his hand and asks to be excused to the bathroom.
Filled with annoyance, Katsuki stomps down the hallway. He's able to clean the ink from his hands relatively easily, though he's not entirely sure the shirt can be saved. It takes several minutes of vigorous scrubbing to just lighten the dark ink stains on his white shirt. When he's satisfied he has cleaned his shirt to the best of his ability, he sighs and exits the bathroom.
Mina leans up against the wall, clearly waiting for him to exit so she could corner him. The halls are silent, devoid of students who are all presumably still in class.
"S'up Raccoon Eyes?"
"How are you feeling?"
"Fucking peachy."
He knows why she's asking. He looks like hell. His eyes are still bloodshot from how much he cried last night. He doesn't know why this is happening. Why he often feels worse after Deku leaves, almost to the point that he longs to return to the discomfort of during. Katsuki's used to physical pain from his training, but the emotional turmoil he's been in since he's started this thing with Deku has started to show.
"Yeah, I figured you'd say that."
"Then why ask?" Katsuki snarls as he pushes past her. Since Deku started blackmailing him he's been so much quicker to anger than usual. Being forced to be deferential to Deku means Katsuki always needs to suppress his anger lest he upset him. The anger still resides inside him though and with nowhere else to go it ends up bubbling over leading him to snap at unsuspecting friends. Friends like Mina. He feels bad but he also can't exactly talk to her about this. There is no way he can reveal what's going on without revealing his secret. Even if he could, he's positive Deku would reveal it anyway in retaliation. Katsuki speed-walks back to the classroom, keen to not extend their conversation further. Without missing a beat Mina scurries after him.
"Because you're my friend! And I want to support you if you need it."
"Well I fucking don't."
"Just letting you know, I'm here."
Mina slams into his back, horns poking painfully into his shoulders, as he comes to a sudden halt.
"Mina?"
"Yes?"
She's looking up at him, her yellow irises look like they are glowing against the dark sclera of her eyes. Her eyelashes are so long…She really is beautiful he thinks and for some reason the thought makes him want to cling to her and weep. Katsuki really doesn't know what is going on with his emotions at the moment, he's starting to think he was hit with some crazy Quirk.
"Bakugo? Earth to Bakugo," Mina's waving a hand in front of his face, looking increasingly concerned.
She's so kind. He is unable to speak and yet he can't stop staring at her.
"…Do I need to take you to Recovery Girl?"
She's so kind.
"I …"
He opens his mouth, then closes it. Mina is looking extremely worried and Katsuki appreciates that he needs to say something but his mind suddenly feels hazy. It looks like she is moving in slow motion when she tucks a curl behind her left ear. Katsuki continues to gaze at Mina, his thoughts slow with an almost dream-like quality to them. I've never noticed how many shades darker Mina's pink hair is compared to her skin. Katsuki thinks distractedly.
He considers Mina's short, fluffy, somewhat unruly curls and thinks how befitting they are considering her upbeat, friendly personality. Contemplating those specific characteristics of Mina's hair unexpectedly breaks Katsuki from his reverie. Distinctive unruly hair indicating a somewhat vivacious personality reminds him of somebody else he used to think was kind. Somebody else who had previously presented themselves to him as trustworthy.
"I'm fine," Katsuki blurts, "I just wanted to say that I…didn't mean to worry you," he finishes lamely.
She stares at him, clearly unconvinced.
"I'm just tired," he tries again. "Let's go back to class, we don't need Aizawa-sensi to get on our asses."
Mina bites her lip, still looking slightly unsure but she eventually nods. They walk back to the classroom together in silence. Right before he opens the door, Mina grabs his arm.
"I'm always here if you need help with anything…or just want to talk, OK?" She murmurs, before entering the classroom without giving Katsuki a chance to respond. Wordlessly, he follows Mina into the classroom. She turns to smile at him as he passes the threshold, her eyes filled with compassion.
As they both go to sit down, Katsuki feels the heavy weight of Midoriya's calculating gaze boring into the two of them.
Katsuki is met with a cluster of astonished expressions when he announces he's joining them for their movie night that evening. Kirishima and Kaminari appear particularly surprised as he had previously told them that he was going to work out that evening. Honestly, he has no idea what he's doing here either. Midoriya had sent him a text instructing him to come into the common room after dinner. Unsure what he might find, Katsuki rushes to the common room only to find several of his classmates lounging around, loudly discussing which movie they should watch.
"Explodo-Boy!" Kaminari yells. "Finally gracing us plebs with your presence?"
"I'm surprised you know what the word 'pleb' even means," Jirou teases him.
Indignant, Kaminari reaches over to playfully swat Jirou's leg, retorting, "hey, be nice!" as he does so. The two quickly devolve into some good-natured bickering and the group soon forget about Katsuki's unexplained reasons for joining them. Glad he's no longer the centre of attention, Katsuki surveys the seating arrangements. On one of the two sofas facing the TV is Asui, while Kirishima and Iida sit together on the other. Kaminari, Jirou, Asui, Uraraka, Todoroki and Midoriya are clustered around the central table scrolling through various electronics to choose the best streaming service to use.
Hesitating for a moment, Katsuki decides the safest option is next to Asui. If he takes the sofa, it is likely Midoriya will have to sit on the floor with the others after they've moved the table. At least this way Midoriya will always be in his eyeline as he will be sitting directly in front of him. A look of surprise flashes across Asui's face when Katsuki throws himself down next to her. The silence between the two lingers for a moment as the two of them rarely speak. Once Asui's recovered she offers a shy smile in his direction.
"Good to see you kero."
Katsuki figures she's probably trying to be nice or something. He wishes he could react but these days he finds that even a knee-jerk reaction of hostility doesn't come as easily anymore.
"Yeah," Katsuki grits out after some time.
Thankfully Asui doesn't comment on how long it took Katsuki to reply or the uncharacteristically subdued nature of his response. An awkward air settles over them once more.
How long does it take to pick a movie?
Eventually the group decides on some action flick on Netflix and things finally get moving. Uraraka uses her zero gravity to help Midoriya move the coffee table from in front of the TV. Somebody had already brought over bean bags and pillows and Jirou got busy arranging them in the now empty space so everyone who couldn't fit on a chair would have somewhere to sit.
Katsuki can hear Kirishima laughing in the kitchen above the irregular popping sound from the microwave popcorn they're preparing. They seem to be discussing the likelihood of the Rabbit Hero Mirko moving up in the rankings. Of course, Deku goes running over like the nerd he is to give his input when he overhears them, he never could miss an opportunity to geek out about heroes. The three of them return, balancing several bowls of popcorn and plates of wagashi on their arms and begin sharing out the snacks with those seated.
"Ohh who got us the wagashi? It looks delicious."
"You can thank Shouto!" Midoriya chirps from Katsuki's left.
To Katsuki's immense horror, he realises Uraraka had floated over another sofa while he wasn't paying attention and now Midoriya and Uraraka are sitting to his left. Now not only is Midoriya sitting closer to Katsuki, his position means that even if Katsuki moves he'll remain in Midoriya's line of sight. Katsuki tries to ignore the thumping of his heart as he surveys the pair. A light blush had covered Uraraka's cheeks upon her realization that she's sitting in such close proximity to Midoriya. Her blushing intensifies when Midoriya offers to share the blanket he's using. Noticing his staring, Asui looks over too.
"That's a good idea," she murmurs as she stands. "Hang on, I'm going to grab mine."
When Asui returns she's holding a green quilt. She lets the group know that anybody is welcome to share with her but nobody takes her up on her offer until part way through the movie when Sero arrives. Once he's decided to join them, Sero sits at Asui's feet and arranges her blanket so it covers her lap and drapes over his shoulders. "Comfy?" he whispers, smiling when Asui ribbits in agreement. Katsuki wishes that he could share a blanket with Kirishima, or even sit closer to him but he's conscious of Midoriya's watchful gaze. He is still extremely disturbed by the predatory look he noticed in Midoriya's eyes when he returned to the classroom at the same time as Mina earlier in the day.
"What film are we watching anyway?" Sero continues, ignoring the annoyed shushes from the rest of the group.
"Triple Retribution," Katsuki grunts.
The group goes back to watching the film. On screen the main character is dramatically groaning as he attempts to cauterize a nasty wound on his leg. The tension in the scene is increased further by the audience's awareness that the protagonist needs to leave his current hideout soon to avoid being in range of the bomb scheduled to detonate. Even though the most uneducated armchair movie critic can tell this film is hardly a cinematic masterpiece, movie-goers and professional reviewers alike have acknowledged the film is still highly entertaining. Katsuki is leaning forward slightly in his seat, eyes fixed on the screen when incessant vibrations in his pocket startle him. Sighing in annoyance when they don't stop, he opens up his phone planning to mute it. He presumes it is probably his mother calling to check up on him as she has an irritating tendency to just ring continuously when he doesn't immediately answer. Katsuki glances at the screen to find the mute button on his touchscreen but freezes when he sees who his missed call is from. Barely a moment later his phone buzzes again, this time indicating the arrival of a message.
Deku (19:12): Get yourself off before the movie ends.
Eyes widening, Katsuki glances at Asui who thankfully is not paying any attention to him. He tilts the screen away from her while quickly reducing the screen brightness. He looks across at the chair on his right but Deku doesn't have his phone out and seems utterly engrossed in the movie. One of his hands is under the shared blanket so it is possible he's texting without looking. Yet another vibration announces Katsuki has received another message.
Deku (19:13): I'll be checking.
And another.
Deku (19:16): Or don't. Telling the others ur secret will probs b just as entertaining lol.
Lol? Lol! Is this idiot seriously threatening to destroy my life in a text that ends in 'lol'! Seething Katsuki puts his phone in his pocket and stands. Several heads turn to look at him.
"I'm tired, I'm going to bed," he announces.
"What! But this is the best part!" Sero complains.
"Sorry losers, I gotta go."
"Noooo stay!" Kaminari whines.
Kaminari grabs the remote to pause the movie, clearly intending to argue his case. Though Katsuki is studiously trying to avoid looking at Kirishima, he can see out of the corner of his eye that Kirishima is nodding while simultaneously giving him puppy-dog eyes. Katsuki knows that the reason Kirishima was so excited tonight is because he regularly rejects Kirishima's persistent attempts to persuade him to join social activities with their classmates. By leaving early, Katsuki feels like he's disappointing Kirishima but he needs to make an escape to fulfil Deku's demands. Katsuki tries not to feel guilty and tells himself as disappointed with him Kirishima may feel now, he'd feel even more disgusted if he knew the truth about him.
"Night guys," repeats Katsuki.
Suddenly Midoriya looks up from the screen and gives him a saccharine smile.
"Kacchan, I want you to finish watching the movie with us."
Unable to conceal his anger, Katsuki glares at Midoriya for a charged moment.
Fuck, Deku really wants him to do this? It was one thing having Deku make him orgasm using the remotely controlled plug he'd forced Katsuki to ram up his ass, but this? He's supposed to actually get himself off in public?
More to the point, will he?
His decision is made as soon as he imagines the jokes that would follow him until the day he dies if people found out about his secret.
Yeah, he's going to do this.
Katsuki sighs, "I mean if everyone is that desperate for me to stay…"
His voice trails off as he sits back down. The entire group exhibits varying levels of surprise and joy at Katsuki's decision to stay. Kirishima looks like a proud parent, clearly elated at the turn of events. Katsuki easily ignores them. His attention is exclusively fixed on Deku who somehow manages to radiate innocence despite his unblinking calculating gaze. It makes Katsuki's skin crawl.
"Let's restart the film," Midoriya says. "We don't want time to run out."
Such a seemingly innocent phrase. To the others it sounds like Midoriya is concerned about not having enough time to finish the movie before their curfew. To Katsuki it sounds like a threatening reminder of the consequences he'll face if he fails to fulfil Deku's instructions.
Katsuki waits until the movie has been playing for several minutes before he surreptitiously glances around. He determinedly does not look in Deku's direction, he doesn't want to know if he's being watched or ignored. Both options fill him with huge amounts of shame.
Biting his lip, Katsuki slowly shifts his hips.
He quickly realises that if he is going to finish within the allotted time he needs more stimulation than subtly grinding upwards against the leg he has crossed over his lap.
Thinking quickly, Katsuki reaches down to pick up an abandoned bowl of popcorn on the floor. Balancing the bowl on his lap gives him a small semblance of privacy, however, Katsuki quickly realises his mistake when hands keep blindly reaching for the kernels. In annoyance he passes the popcorn to Sero who is seated on the floor in front of him. He's hopeful that giving Sero the popcorn will stop him from turning around and dunking his hand in the bowl every two minutes. Katsuki really regrets not taking Asui up on her offer to share her blanket earlier.
Katsuki discovers his best option is to shove a hand into his pocket and covertly grope his dick through his trousers. As he is wearing loose loungewear with deep pockets, it allows him to disguise the movement of his hand as he rubs himself. The rough material of his loungewear creates a delicious friction against his dick. It helps but it still isn't enough. He feels the opposite of aroused and the knowledge that his friends are right there is incredibly off-putting. The thought of Asui or any of the girls catching on feels especially embarrassing.
Katsuki vehemently tamps down on his emotions, spurred on by the awareness that Triple Retribution must be past the halfway point by now. He needs some more stimulation if he's going to successfully complete Deku's latest demand. Taking a deep but quiet breath, Katsuki commits to doing what is necessary. He stares at Kirishima out of the corner of his eye. The flashing lights from the screen illuminate Kirishima's face and the inviting curve of his plush lips. Katsuki imagines pressing his own against them. Imagines kissing down Kirishima's sculpted torso to press his lips against something else. Getting lost in his fantasies, Katsuki continues grinding his palm against himself through his trousers. He can feel himself getting worked up but he can't afford to get caught so he keeps his movements steady and deliberate. As a result the pleasure builds painfully slowly. It is almost unbearable the way his tiny dick is throbbing.
When Katsuki feels close he looks up to make sure nobody is watching, desperately hoping that everyone is too engrossed in the movie. He instantly notices that Deku is staring right at him, a fiendish self-satisfied smirk on his lips. Midoriya lifts his right hand out from under the blanket. He slowly and deliberately brings his thumb to his mouth, then rubs his thumb and index fingers together. A seemingly innocuous gesture but Katsuki is well-aware of the implication. The motion, the fingers used, the dark heated gaze directed at him – it is all reminiscent of the exact way Midoriya jerks him off while whispering how big his clit is.
The feeling of abject humiliation tips him over the edge. Katsuki comes hard, biting his tongue with enough force to draw blood. He tenses his thighs and tries not to shake through the aftershocks. Anxiously, Katsuki observes each of his peers in turn, starting with those closest to him. Next to him Asui appeared calm and unmoved, reassuring Katsuki that she was completely unaware of what he had done. The timing of his orgasm was convenient as the movie was in the midst of its action-packed climax. Those around him were too absorbed by what was happening on the TV to care about what anybody else was doing. It also meant Asui, who may have felt him shaking, probably assumed one of the sudden explosions on screen had startled Katsuki and explained his fidgeting enough to not require any further investigation. Tension bleeds from his body as Katsuki's body sags in relief. His dick is soft, his underwear is sticky and the movie has not yet reached the end credits. For today at least, his secret will remain unrevealed.
His phone buzzes again.
Deku (19:53): That's my good girl.
Hot shame engulfing him, Katsuki's face burns.
Late one evening, Katsuki lies exhausted in bed.
He can't sleep but it is not his environment keeping him awake. Muffled footsteps can occasionally be heard outside his door and a combination of moonlight and artificial light filters into his room between the gaps in Katsuki's curtains. Nonetheless, Katsuki's room is still relatively quiet and dark.
Shifting his head on his pillow, Katsuki stares unseeing at the ceiling above him. He desperately wishes to escape his current reality and succumb to the sweetness of sleep but it continues to elude him. It is an inversion of the difficulty one finds to wake from a nightmare as he is struggling to escape from his waking nightmare through sleep.
With each passing day Katsuki's sense of self is further eroded, leaving him with a confusing swirl of thoughts and feelings he is reluctant to parse through. Katsuki can accept the rage bubbling under his skin. He can even understand why he struggles to escape the creeping feeling of defeat that becomes more forceful each day. It is in Katsuki's nature to fight the sense of resignation that the inescapability of his situation brings, and he does, but as time goes on he can't help but feel like he's fighting a losing battle. On an intellectual level Katsuki understands these emotions are a logical response to his situation.
What Katsuki cannot accept and cannot comprehend is why he still has favourable emotions for his blackmailer. Despite everything that is happening to him, he cannot help but feel grateful because he's aware of how much worse his circumstances could be if Deku were to ever tell. Other people would probably assume that these positive emotions are also a normal emotional response to abuse, however in Katsuki's desperation to hold onto his last vestiges of agency he continues to refuse to view Midoriya as his abuser and himself as the abused. As a result Katsuki sees his affection towards Midoriya as an unexplainable personal failing instead of the relatively common phenomena of abuse victims forming a trauma bond with their abusers. Katsuki's inability to recognize the cause of his emotions inspires both confusion and frustration and he is filled with anger that he can feel anything positive towards his tormentor. Consequently, Katsuki concluded that avoiding thinking of Midoriya altogether is the best thing for him to do.
Since their conversation in the woods, Katsuki has generally tried to suppress any of his thoughts regarding Midoriya. It's incredibly challenging though. It is difficult during the day when Katsuki is forced to see him, it is difficult when Midoriya seeks him out for sexual favours and it is difficult when he is alone at night, with nothing to distract him from his spiralling thoughts.
Whenever he does begin to drift off, the scratching Katsuki hears drags him back to consciousness. Each time his eyes fly open and his body immediately tenses, ready to act if necessary. Annoyed, he crushes the temptation to get up to investigate. The fact he never finds anything despite painstakingly searching his room multiple times suggests the issue does not reside within the room itself. Katsuki makes a mental note to keep chasing the administration because the sounds that periodically wake him up are clearly being caused by something. After one particularly restless night, he had raised the issue with the administration who brought in an exterminator. For a short period there was some improvement, however soon the noises returned so Katsuki complained again. Greatly apologetic, the administration promptly recalled the exterminator company. However this time the exterminator insisted there was no sign of an infestation.
The scraping increases in volume before abruptly stopping and the subsequent silence that pervades the room feels disturbing. Katsuki exhales louds. Maybe he should demand that UA contacts a better exterminator. Clearly the last company was severely lacking if its employees are unable to do their damn jobs.
Sighing, Katsuki rolls over and reaches blindly for his phone. It confirms that he has been unsuccessfully trying to sleep for over three and a half hours. At this point he is not unused to functioning on so little sleep but the thought of having to get through class feeling sleep deprived is incredibly frustrating. Even more frustrating is that he can't make good use of the extra time he spends being awake. Despite his body incorrectly determining he is not tired enough to sleep, he knows from experience that he is still too tired to do anything productive. The last essay he tried to write in this state had been a complete shit show and he's not keen to waste his time producing a repeat.
Another hour passes.
The sun is still yet to rise.
If I lie in bed, awake, any longer I'm gonna go crazy.
After a moment of contemplation Katsuki gets up. Eyes heavy and body lethargic, Katsuki locates his soap and towel, then leaves his room to trudge to the showers.
Washing these days feels pointless. He's always just as dirty after a shower as he was before, it is just that it leaves the kind of filth nobody else can see. Yet as Katsuki stands motionless under the shower, letting cool water cascade over his head he feels more secure than he has for some time. His dorm room is no longer the safe haven to him it once was since Midoriya began breaking in. Logically Katsuki knows that if anything, it would be easier for Midoriya to break into a shower cubicle. Nonetheless, the illogical instinctual part of his mind is comforted by the fact that so far, at least here, Midoriya hasn't let himself in unannounced.
I need to stop thinking about the fucking nerd.
Not wanting to find out whether his racing heart is symptomatic of an anxiety attack or an angry meltdown, Katsuki takes a shuddering breath in an attempt to calm himself down. He reaches out and spins the temperature knob clockwise. The pipes sputter before the water pressure recalibrates and forceful streams of freezing cold water shoot out the shower head.
The shock from the cold water helps ground Katsuki in the present moment. He allows his head to fall forward and rest upon the cool slippery tiles.
He's so, so tired…
Almost unconsciously, Katsuki slides his body down the tiles until he's slumped on the ground. The water continues to rain down on him as he sits, shivering. His area of vision reduces incrementally, until eventually his eyes fall shut. He finds himself thinking about Round Face. With the exception of his first-year Sport's Festival fighting tournament, Katsuki's never really spent much time thinking much about Uraraka or her Quirk. He has always considered his Explosion Quirk to be far superior to hers as it is more powerful, more flashy and he possesses far better control. Yet for the first time Katsuki desperately wishes he had her ability to negate gravity. If he did, maybe he could just float away and escape this hell. These are his last conscious thoughts before the heavy weight of sleep drags him down into another type of nightmare.
The measured tolling of a bell wakes Katsuki up from where he's slumped over his desk.
There is a heavy fog enveloping his mind and it takes him a moment to realise the bell he can hear is the one indicative of the end of a class period. Around him, students scramble to pack up their belongings. As they file out they all drop stapled sheets of paper into the tray on their teacher's desk.
In contrast to the other students, Katsuki moves at a glacial pace. When he tries to move quicker he encounters resistance as if the air had the same consistency of thick treacle. Absent-mindedly he wipes the drool from the corner of his mouth. He finds even that small movement saps what little energy he has.
The last thing Katsuki remembers is falling asleep in the shower. He tries not to feel unnerved by the realisation that he doesn't know how he got here or what he is doing here. He can't even say with a hundred percent certainty whether it is the same day as the morning he fell asleep in the shower. Due to his recent deterioration in sleep and increase in stress he has become accustomed to going through life in a haze. He doesn't like it as it makes his academics suffer but at least he knows it is happening. Losing time like this is a new, terrifying experience.
Suppressing his mounting panic, Katsuki struggles to work out how much time he has lost and which class he's currently in. Memories sluggishly emerge of the other students handing in sheets of paper. Ignoring the waves of dizziness that wash over him he glances down at his desk. There is a similar stapled booklet in front of him and it is with mounting horror that he notices it is an exam paper. One with a lot of empty space… in fact the only box completed reads "Bakug"
Fucking hell, the only section I did was the part asking me for my name and I didn't even manage to complete that!?
Katsuki is rendered immobile as the rest of the students filter out. He's unable to do anything other than stare in disbelief at the unfinished exam in front of him.
I shouldn't let what's happening get to me this much...I thought I was stronger than this.
A shadow falls over him as Katsuki continues to internally berate himself. He looks up to find Aizawa-sensi looming over desk.
"Bakugou," Aizawa says, his voice a disinterested drawl. "Why do I get the impression that I spent more of this exam period awake than you?"
His head hurts so much he can barely decipher Aizawa-sensi's words. Coming up with one of the snappy retorts he's known for seems impossible in this state. Katsuki forces his muscles to relax in the hopes that pushing the tension from his body will clear his mind. It doesn't.
Interpreting Katsuki's silence for defiance, Aizawa sighs, "Listen, it's time to stop playing around and be more serious. From here on your training will be the most intense it has ever been. Your time as a student is ending and you need to be prepared for what comes next. Things are going to get harder from here when you're in the real world."
"I know." Katsuki grunts. He does, he does. A lecture is not what he needs right now, he already knows he's fucking up his future. Aizawa continues to observe him closely until Katsuki looks away. Katsuki abruptly stands. The violent movement knocks his chair over and the desk squeaks as it shifts forward. Katsuki reaches out to realign his desk and tries not to tremble when his hands brush over his unfinished exam. It is an uncomfortable reminder of his predicament and physical proof of his latest screw-up.
"Are you going to punish me for sleeping in class?" Katsuki grits out.
There is a pause as Aizawa surveys him intently and Katsuki can feel his patience thinning as he waits.
"No, you may leave."
Aizawa's words have a serene cadence and his voice is imbued with its habitual disinterest. It produces so much anger within Katsuki that he has to actively refrain from screaming. As Katsuki stalks towards the door, he hears Aizawa pick up his paper and loudly exhale.
"You can talk to me anytime you know," he calls.
The kind words hurt, unintentionally needling at his pride. A flush of shame spread across his cheeks. He's gotten better at accepting help over time and he so badly wants to accept it from Aizawa-sensei . But he knows he can't accept help. Not for this. Not if it means admitting to being blackmailed by Midoriya. Not if it means having his secret exposed. Katsuki pauses but doesn't turn back, unwilling to let Aizawa see the suffering on his face.
"Ok," he rasps.
Katsuki wants to acknowledge his gratitude but when he tries the words get caught in his throat. It takes several long moments for him to start walking again and exit the classroom.
Once he has escaped the classroom and Aizawa's penetrating gaze, Katsuki realises he still has no idea where he needs to be. When he digs his phone out of his bag Katsuki is stunned to discover it is almost one o'clock. He's glad he lost hours and not days but it is still disconcerting to know that during the time he can't remember he got dressed and attended two classes before sitting the exam. He'd wonder if he was sleepwalking but he can't imagine former pro-heroes not noticing. Discomfort prickling at his neck, Katsuki heads towards the cafeteria for lunch. As soon as he enters the noisy space, Kirishima immediately gestures for Katsuki to sit with him and Kaminari.
"You took awhile to get here, what took you so long?" Kirishima asks.
"I was talking to Aizawa-sensei."
At this Kaminari perks up, clearly wanting to know the relevant gossip.
"Oh, can you tell us what about?"
Katsuki hesitates but he is too tired to come up with a lie. They'll find out at some point anyway.
"Bombed that test."
Identical expressions of surprise flit across his friend's is the first to recover.
"Like you actually bombed or you did worse than the high standards you hold yourself to?" He asks.
Embarrassment washes over Katsuki as the image of the blank paper he submitted floats to the forefront of his mind. He dreads to think how the other students will react when the test results are released.
"I always say what I mean," Katsuki snaps, suddenly annoyed. "I said I fucking did badly, OK!" banging his hands on the table so hard their glasses rattle. Kirishima and Kaminari stare at him, openly shocked by Katsuki's overreaction. Luckily Kirishima had moved quickly enough to prevent his butajiru soup from sloshing over the table after the impact but Kaminari had not fared so well. Surprisingly Kaminari wipes up his juice without a word. Katsuki takes a deep breath and he removes his hand from the singed indent his explosion has left on the wood. Shit. He didn't mean to do that. The silence that descends over the group is uncomfortable. Kaminari begins to tentatively apologise and when Katsuki doesn't blow up again, he finds the confidence to continue. "It's OK…we all have bad days. I wouldn't worry too much."
"Yeah, don't sweat it. It probably won't even affect your rank if that is what you are worried about." Kirishima soothes, "Hey Mina!" he suddenly calls, frantically waving her over.
"What's up? I can't sit with you guys today 'cause I'm meant to be sitting with Hagakure."
"That's fine," Kirishima hurriedly assures her. "We just had a quick question."
"Sure, go ahead! Hagakure's still in line so I've got a few minutes."
"You had to do a make-up test for History right? What were the parameters you were set again?"
"Why? You worried you didn't do well in that test," Mina replies with a grin.
The boys direct withering looks of various intensities at her. Kaminari scowls further when Mina raises a knowing eyebrow in his direction.
"Uh make assumptions much?" Kaminari grumbles.
"Maybe but I'm gonna double down on it."
The two stare each other down for a few more moments before neither of them can take it anymore and they both dissolve into laughter. Smiling Kaminari tells her, "well, I mean, yeah, I probably didn't do that well, but I don't worry about what I'm used to."
Kaminari pauses before he lowers his voice and adds, "It's this guy here that has the issue." gesturing to Katsuki in a way that clearly intended to not be obvious but still failed miserably.
"Bakugou thinks he did badly," Mina questions incredulously.
Katsuki glares at her.
"Before you say anything, don't forget I'm still better than you."
Clearly, not intimidated, Mina simply narrows her eyes at him. "Relax. I'm not judging, I'm just surprised that you think you did badly and are openly admitting it. Not exactly your style."
"Oh come on, I know he's good but he's not Momo top-of-the-class good. It is not as big a deal as everyone is making out. So what if he slips down the class ranking a place or so?"
"Yes but – "
Most likely sensing his discomfort, Kirishima interrupts to direct their conversation back to the matter at hand. Mina nods, but the look in her eye suggests she is not permanently letting this go.
"Ok, ok so sensei gave me permission to make-up the test by doing a take-home project. She gave me a week to do it but because she only got round to giving it to me this week I have only been able to start working on it now. I've done most of it, I just need to finish it for Monday."
"Sounds like a fun weekend," Katsuki mutters.
"Thrilling," she deadpans. "But I can't complain too much, it was nice of sensei to give me another chance."
"See! Bakugou, there is nothing to worry about," Kirishima grins, elbowing him in the ribs.
For everyone's sake Katsuki's glad it is Kirishima touching him right now because if anybody else tried he might actually kill somebody.
These fools really do not have a clue.
Rolling his eyes, Katsuki continues to shovel rice into his mouth. He is in the middle of taking a big gulp of orange juice when a high-pitched voice from behind them causes him to choke.
"What's Kacchan worried about?"
Katsuki narrowly avoids spraying juice everywhere as he starts coughing uncontrollably. He tries to choke out 'nothing' but Kaminari speaks over him, blabbering about how badly they all did in the test they just sat. Katsuki tenses as Midoriya and Todoroki both sit down at their table.
"…so I told Bakugou not to worry, I doubt he even did that badly anyway! Probably still got an A minus," Kaminari concludes.
Todoroki hums, "I didn't think the test was particularly hard,"
Heterochromatic eyes meet green as Todoroki looks to Midoriya for further reinforcement. Disgusting. Regardless, Katsuki doesn't react other than to continue eating as fast as possible. The sooner he finishes his food the sooner he can leave and the less time he'll have to spend with the table's new occupants.
"Are you sure you are doing OK? Like other than the test?" Kirishima murmurs to Katsuki, "I don't want to keep talking about it if it is making you this angry but you don't seem that reassured by Mina telling us you can re-sit it. "
Kirishima speaks quietly, his words only meant for Katsuki but Mina overhears nonetheless. Looking torn, she looks up at where Hagakure is sitting, signals she'll be over in five minutes and sits down on Katsuki's other side.
"I'm fine. Really." Katsuki gives Mina a sidelong glance before grumpily asking why she is sitting down when she already has lunch plans.
"It'll just be a minute, she can wait," Mina says with a dismissive wave of her hand. She inches closer to Katsuki before continuing. "I don't know, I'm just a bit concerned about you. Doing badly in school is so unlike you."
"Again, I'm fine." Katsuki grunts, trying not to let his annoyance show the questioning is slowing his eating.
"Are you sure?"
"Mina."
Only a single word, yet Midoriya's voice imbues it with so much warning. To whom Katsuki is unsure. There is a pregnant pause, then Midoriya is smiling sweetly, suddenly the paragon of kindheartedness.
"Don't worry, we'll talk to Kacchan. You don't want to keep Hagakure waiting"
Midoriya gives Mina a rueful smile but only Katsuki discerns that his smile doesn't reach his eyes. Katsuki has become very attuned to Midoriya's body language since the blackmail started. At first Kastsuki tried to use this ability to read Midoriya's emotions to his advantage. He used it so he could prepare himself for whatever Midoriya might have in store and sometimes even tried to adapt his behaviour based on his interpretation of Midoriya's mood. He had hoped that maybe one day he may even be able to use his knowledge to convince Midoriya to leave him alone. Unfortunately for Katsuki, Midoriya had quickly cottoned on to what he was doing. Initially Midoriya did not reveal that he knew, finding it interesting to watch Katsuki's reactions when he tripped him up by 'performing' a tells that indicated one emotion when in reality he was feeling the opposite. When Midoriya felt that he had witnessed every possible scenario for his analysis, he shifted to using his new-found power for entertainment. He began to over-exaggerate the tells that indicated he was angry or upset, specifically at Katsuki, whenever they were in public. Covertly signalling to Katsuki that he had done something to anger him, ensured that Katsuki had to suffer through the anticipation of what would happen when they were alone together. What Katsuki had used as a coping mechanism to protect himself, Midoriya had reclaimed and perverted.
The table rattles as Mina stands. Before Mina turns to leave she says, "I gotta go but let's hang out this weekend Blasty, it's been awhile."
"I can't," Katsuki immediately responds
"What! Why not?"
Silence.
"We don't have to have a heart-to-heart! We can do something fun, I need somebody to practice my dancing with anyway. We can go into the hall and borrow the school's instruments so you can play the drums for me."
"I can't," he stresses. Katsuki hopes that the tension around his eyes will convince Mina to drop it.
"But – "
"No. Ask Ears."
Before Katsuki responds, Midoriya lightly touches Mina's arm and shakes his head.
"Okay, maybe another time."
As Mina retreats, Midoriya clears his throat to get everyone's attention.
"Kacchan, I know you don't want to talk about this but this isn't like you."
"Really?" groans Kaminari, "Don't you think - "
A thudding sound and Kaminari's wince suggests somebody kicked him under the table. Although Todoroki sits impassively, Katsuki reckons that he's the most likely contender, he always did have a weirdly close relationship with Midoriya.
"Yeah, it isn't even about your score, I'm a bit concerned about you too. You seem so withdrawn these days," Kirishima says.
When Midoriya's face scrunches up in a parody of skepticism, Kirishima looks round the table for support.
"Doesn't anybody else agree? I mean Bakugou sitting quietly and listening to us say we're worried is hardly a normal reaction from him!"
"It's fine, I'm fine. I'm over it, just annoyed OK?" Katsuki quickly vocalises.
"Yeah, as Kacchan says we don't need to be worried about Kacchan's wellbeing, it is just an academic issue right?"
Katsuki nods obediently when Midoriya swivels his head to look at him.
"Kacchan, you've always been so amazing. Maybe you just need to spend more time studying with the high achievers in our class instead of tutoring so much."
Sighing, Katsuki puts his chopsticks down. Trying to eat quickly and leave doesn't seem to be a winning strategy so far. He looks up and mutters a 'maybe.' In an attempt to reassure Kirishima he makes meaningful eye contact with him, oblivious to Midoriya trying to suppress his smirk.
"See! Anyway, did anybody else hear that the Sports Festival Stadium is going to be expanded so that airborne events can be added next year?" Kaminari asks, looking around the group in excitement.
"Really? Wow, that sounds pretty awesome."
The group continues to eat while Kaminari engages Midoriya and Todoroki in conversation. In contrast to his bubbly mood from earlier, Kirishima remains quiet and has a despondent slump to his shoulders.
Katsuki grunts, "What the actual fuck is wrong with you Shitty Hair?"
"I was just thinking."
"Well try not to hurt yourself too much, dumbass."
A few of Kirishima's pointed teeth worry at his upper lip. Coupled with his conflicted expression, Katsuki gets the impression he wants to tell him something despite feeling hesitant. Softening his voice, Katsuki leans in closer.
"Kiri, if something is the matter, you can tell me."
"It's just that...I don't want to be a burden on you."
"What!?"
"You could have told me y'know, if tutoring me is impacting your own studies. I don't wanna ever drag you down."
"Enough with this. Why the fuck do you even care? My grades are on me."
"But Midoriya's right, you were spending more time this semester tutoring me."
"I always have time to tutor you plus I tutor more people than you dumbass. 'Sides, that's not why."
"Maybe you shouldn't waste so much time on me."
"Kirishima! I'm not wasting time on you. You need to get over this low self-esteem. You're amazing, you're strong as hell, you're fucking unbreakable!"
Katsuki's voice had gotten louder as he spoke and the other members of the table had all turned to stare at him. Furiously blushing, Katsuki tries to calm down his racing heart. He didn't mean to get so impassioned but it is hard not to when Kirishima is so important to him. When he loves Kirishima so much. Feeling exposed and vulnerable, Katsuki desperately hopes he didn't expose too much of himself to the other individuals at the table.
Next to him, Kirishima is almost as red as his hair, "thanks man," he mumbles.
Swallowing, Katsuki gets up aggressively pushing his chair back under the table. He cuts off Kaminari's question about where he's going by informing the group he's heading to the vending machine for a drink.
"Can you get me a Pocari Sweat?"
Not bothering to reply, Katsuki smirks and gives Kaminari the finger before stalking away. The vending machines are tucked away, outside the main cafeteria area. Considering his options Katsuki punches in the numbers correlating to the Aquarius drink. The machine beeps as it accepts the money Katsuki feeds it and after several seconds of mechanical whirring there is a heavy clang as the bottle is dispensed. Katsuki is just in the process of paying for a bottle of Pocari Sweat for Kaminari when a trill of "Kacchan" causes his fingers to slip on the machine's buttons. Desperately hoping Midoriya didn't notice, he finishes his transaction before casually turning around. Midoriya watches, clearly waiting for Katsuki to speak first. When the silence drags on, Midoriya smirks.
"Wow, you really don't want anyone to hear you calling me anything other than Deku huh?"
"Just tell me what you want this time."
"Don't be like that Kacchan! You make it sound like I'm tormenting you."
"...I think it is in my best interests not to respond to that."
Midoriya smiles, blindingly bright, "I care about you. Always have and always will."
At this statement Katsuki raises his eyebrows.
"I do! C'mon you know how much I do," Midoriya murmurs looking up through his eyelashes. He inches closer as he continues, "how much I admire you."
Keen to stop Midoriya's advancement towards him in his desire to reiterate just how much he apparently cares about him, Katsuki reluctantly agrees.
"Uh-huh,"
"Right, so you understand why I'm concerned about your academics? Kacchan, we enrolled in the most prestigious high school in Japan! One that aims to train students to become the world's greatest heroes. One day we're going to be the best pro-heroes and we will absolutely save people with a smile."
The expression on Midoriya's face is so open and earnest and Katsuki can't help but trust him, wholeheartedly believing in the genuine nature of his words.
"I want you to succeed Kacchan. You know that right? I've always thought you had a strong quirk but more than that you always showed you had so much potential, I knew you were destined for greatness. It's why I always looked up to you. Ahh, I need to stop rambling! I just want to make sure you know that I've always supported your dream and I plan to continue doing everything I can to support you in becoming a pro-hero."
It confuses Katsuki when Midoriya acts like this. The inconsistencies in Midoriya's behaviour are extremely disorientating. Katsuki is positive that Midoriya takes some form of sadistic pleasure in his suffering, yet there are times like these when Midoriya appears genuinely concerned about him. Sometimes it feels like his relationship with Midoriya oscillates between that of a sadistic partner who dominates and hate fucks him to that of a stalker-ish but sweet lover.
Even when these contradictions appear in their sexual interactions, Katsuki doesn't find them any more enjoyable. The first time Midoriya was sweet and gentle with him in the bedroom, Katsuki didn't know how to react. He didn't resist when Midoriya took him in his arms and kissed him like a drowning man. Didn't react when Midoriya had moaned, "God Kacchan. I missed you. I missed you so much" as if they were star-crossed lovers separated by time and distance and not an afternoon-long hero work-study placement. As if Katsuki would even be there without the threat of blackmail, yet despite finding the pretence of romance sickening, he never tells Midoriya to stop. Katsuki tells himself that it is his conscious choice to do so but deep down he knows he only goes along with it because he is afraid of angering Midoriya. It doesn't matter how gentle or rough Midoriya is, it doesn't matter how many times he orgasms, he still feels disgusted with himself after.
The blackmail has only made Katsuki's resentment towards his micro build. Sometimes he cries at the thought of possessing a defect enabling Midoriya to extort sex from him. He's been forced to give up his pride and consent to Midoriya's every whim. He hates this. Hates that the fear invoked by Midoriya's threat of exposure forces him to make choices he would never usually make.
Back in the dorms the next evening Katsuki watches as Mina pulls Midoriya aside. Although they are too far away for him to hear the contents of their conversation, he's confident that it isn't about him so he doesn't really care what they're talking about. Katsuki glances back at his phone to see if the typing indicator has materialised into a message from Kirishima yet.
Kirishima (18:49): If you are sure? Stuck on questions 12-15 for this math problem set so any help would be appreciated!
Smiling, Katsuki types his response.
Katsuki (18:53): Already told you tutoring you is not a problem. Meet me in the common room?
Kirishima (18:54): OK! Appreciate it! I'll be there in 15.
Meanwhile, Mina stares at Midoriya in frustration. The two of them are unable to agree on whether Katsuki's recent behaviour is a cause for concern.
"I just really think we need to do something," Mina tries again, in a last ditch effort to get through to Midoriya.
"Don't get me wrong, I think it is great you care this much about Kacchan but I don't think we need to talk to Aizawa about him or anything yet."
"But I'm worried. Something seems like it is really wrong! Maybe he's involved with some villains and needs our help or something bad is going on at home."
"Mina…I think he's just not spending enough time studying or is stressed out. I don't think it is anything that extreme."
"He's distancing himself from Kirishima! Why would he do that if something was seriously wrong? Plus he has been super quiet and jumpy and it isn't improving, if anything he's getting worse."
"Hmm.. I mean Kirishima and Kacchan could be fighting?" Midoriya taps his lip with his index finger, considering. "Or maybe they are just growing apart." At Mina's unconvinced expression, Midoriya quickly adds, "not that I think it is likely! Just a possibility we should consider!"
Sighing, Mina looks over to the sofas where Katsuki is smiling down at his phone. Following her gaze Midoriya steps closer to her, murmuring "he seems alright right now anyhow." As the pair continue to watch, Kirishima comes bounding in the room and he throws himself down on the sofa next to Katsuki. Katsuki swats him in annoyance but anybody who knows Katsuki can see that he is clearly happy to see the red-headed boy.
"Mina?"
"Yes?"
"You know I'd be the first to get involved if I thought Katsuki needed our help or if something was seriously wrong."
"I know, I know. How can I forget the Kamino Ward incident," Mina laughs.
Midoriya laughs too, "All-Might and Aizawa told us that it was good we were willing to do so much to help a friend but man we all got into so much trouble for that!"
Mina's posture relaxes slightly as she realises that just because Midoriya doesn't share her concern doesn't mean he doesn't care. Anybody can see how much Midoriya cares for his childhood friend and she feels secure in the knowledge that she can always rely on Midoriya for help if Bakugou ever needs their support.
"Let's just keep an eye on things for now, this really could be something minor that resolves itself without our involvement and if that's the case Kacchan really would not be happy with us."
Nodding Mina, slaps a friendly hand on Midoriya's shoulder.
"Ok! Thanks for hearing me out too. I feel better after talking to you about this."
"Of course! I'm always here to support my friends," Midoriya responds.
Quickly, Midoriya considers the best way he can manage Mina's anxiety and limit her interference, adding "and you'll make sure you come to me first before doing anything right?"
"Of course Midoriya! I know how much you care about Bakugou. We both do."
Satisfied that the Mina's concerns have been assuaged, Midoriya smiles and the two part ways. He waits until she's left the room before he raises his head to signal to Katsuki that he wishes to speak to him alone.
Katsuki pauses mid-explanation as he registers Midoriya's gesture. An appropriate amount of time needs to pass before he follows Midoriya down the hall anyway so he should be able to leave Kirishima without raising any suspicion. He quickly summarises his explanation of the math concept before directing Kirishima to have another attempt at question 13. Once Katsuki's sure he can discreetly follow, he informs Kirishima he needs to get something from his room and goes to find Midoriya. The two boys eventually find a space away from prying eyes so they can talk in private. Midoriya seems extremely preoccupied as he reminds Katsuki that he's meeting with All Might and will be busy that evening and the next day. Katsuki is positive that this is less of a 'reminder' and more of a 'first time he's being told this' but he doesn't correct him. Although Midoriya's behaviour is mildly concerning, Katsuki quickly brushes it off in favour of making the most of the time he has to himself. For the first time in a long time Katsuki goes to bed early and gets a decent night's sleep. He isn't woken up by any nightmares - literal or figurative as tonight Midoriya isn't around to break into his room yet again.
During his usual early-morning Saturday workout, Katsuki is pleased to discover the surplus of energy he has gained from being so well-rested. He'd forgotten what it felt like and he's in a good mood when he returns to the dorm around 8am. Katsuki goes directly to his room but he's surprised to find Iida knocking on his door. These days Katsuki tends to avoid unnecessary conflict. It already takes so much out of him dealing with Midoriya on a day-to-day basis, he just….can't. One night of good sleep hasn't given him that much energy and Katsuki is tempted to simply sneak away and come back later in order to avoid what is surely going to be an extremely tedious conversation with the class president. He is still in a good mood from having such a good workout though. Feeling magnanimous, Katsuki decides to announce his presence. Iida's head whips round the second he hears Katsuki clearing his throat. Honestly, Katsuki is relatively surprised the guy didn't crick his neck with the speed he moved.
"Oh Bakugou, I was hoping to speak to you. Midoriya told me that you were hoping to begin a study session with us so I wanted to ask what your availability is this weekend or next week to study with myself and Yaoyorozu for our upcoming science exam?"
So Midoriya was serious about wanting him to get back on track with his studies. This is clearly Midoriya's handiwork and of course he's going about it in a way which seems designed to cause Katsuki as much discomfort as possible. The class rankings had been published at the end of yesterday, which means everyone in class knows Katsuki dropped from third position to one in the double digits. Having Midoriya ask Yaoyorozu and Iida, the two top students, to form a study group with him when he's fallen so low in the class rankings feels like a mockery.
Irritation seeps through Katsuki. There is no way Deku doesn't know the impact their sessions have on him and his studies. Yesterday he really thought that Deku was being sincere and that he might release his hold on Katsuki.
"Er…"
Katsuki hesitates to answer.
"Is there a particular day Mid -ahem- Deku suggested?"
"Well…no. Midoriya won't be joining us for our study group so it really depends on your availability."
Iida is looking at him expectantly but his answer does not help Katsuki at all. What if he selects a day that Midoriya has 'plans' for him?
"Maybe tomorrow evening?" he hedges, "but can I confirm later today?"
Making the wrong decision is not worth the risk. He needs to speak to Midoriya first.
"Of course. I will await your answer before speaking to Yaoyorozu," while speaking Iida hands blur as they make his customary chopping motions and despite his displeasure Katsuki's face twists into something he hopes resembles a smile.
Saturday, 20:32
[unknown number]: Hello this is Iida.
Glasses: I was thinking we could go off campus for our study group tomorrow as it is the weekend. What are your thoughts?
[unknown number]: Sounds great!
Katsuki: k
Ponytail: Shall we go to a café or should we study at mine again? Last time our class studied there we were mostly very productive.
Glasses: I wouldn't want to inconvenience you or your family by coming over at such short notice.
Glasses: Besides I wanted to try somewhere new, so I might as well kill two birds with one stone.
Ponytail: It is no trouble at all but that is fine. How about a tea place? I know one that serves brilliant Gold Tips imperial.
Katsuki: K, address?
Ponytail: [Shared map location]
Glasses: Good to see you are capable of texting more than one letter Bakugou. I was getting concerned.
Katsuki reads Iida's last text incredulously. Did the uptight class president really just send such a sassy text to him? Was that intentional? Katsuki's so stunned he can't think of a reply before his phone buzzes again.
Ponytail: The shop doesn't have a name, but it is in a pink building that looks like a house next to a supermarket.
Glasses: I can't speak for M but I am looking forward to studying with you!
Katsuki: if you say so
Ponytail: I'm looking forward to it too. I don't know why the three of us didn't do this earlier.
Sunday, 07:02
Ponytail: Good morning. I need to run an errand so I will just meet you there.
Katsuki: whatever, see you there
Glasses: That is fine, thanks for letting us know Yaoyorozu!
Glasses: Bakugou I will knock on your door in an hour so we can make our way there together.
Glasses: Is that satisfactory for you?
Katsuki: yh, see u in a bit glasses.
The air outside is cool and crisp, the sun offering little heat at this time of year.
Katsuki and Iida walk at a leisurely pace in companionable silence alongside the quiet roads. As they walk, Katsuki's mind drifts as he mulls over how his life has shifted over the past few months. He'd been blackmailed for long enough that he would shift between resignation and boundless optimism that he could somehow outmanoeuvre Midoriya. As of late his thoughts tended towards the former, but the absence of Midoriya over the weekend had given him a burst of hope, a reminder of how things were.
There must be a solution to the conundrum I've found myself in.
"What do you think of Deku?" Katsuki asks gruffly.
"Excuse me?"
Iida slows to look at him, startled by the suddenness of his question. It's a struggle for Katsuki to keep the annoyance out of his tone as he responds.
"Well you're friends, right? You and Round Face are always with him. You're like the three damn musketeers."
"I mean yes. But haven't you known him since childhood?"
"So what? I'm not allowed to ask anybody else's opinion?"
"Of course, you can. I apologise," Iida rubs the back of his neck, "I'm just confused what you'd want to know and what insights you think I could give, especially given how much longer you've known him."
Katsuki sighs, "I just wanna know what your perception of him is. If it helps, just pretend I've never met him. And don't just give some cop-out answer either."
Seemingly registering that he has almost stopped walking, Iida increases his pace once more. Iida appears to be seriously considering the question so Katsuki doesn't interrupt.
"Midoriya is very analytical and empathetic. I've come to see that he's much better at relating to people than I am. He's shown me that sometimes unintentionally I can hurt people's feelings by being a bit oblivious. He...inspires people. He definitely inspires me to be a better person."
Rolling his eyes, Katsuki snaps, "Didn't I tell you not to give me the kinda answer you'd write in a reference?"
"Well uh - I hadn't finished," Iida replies, clearly flustered by Katsuki's annoyance. "Of course nobody is perfect and it's pretty clear Midoriya has his issues like anybody else. One example I'm sure we are all aware of is that Midoriya's muttering appears to be symptomatic of some type of severe anxiety. Not to mention he can be extremely reckless. Admittedly it is usually with good intentions but his behaviour is reckless regardless."
Katsuki sighs, the answer Iida gave was not unexpected as it was only recently that Katsuki himself became aware of the toxic and manipulative parts of Midoriya's personality. Nonetheless, it still frustrates him. Successfully obscuring the power he wields over Katsuki means that public perception will always be prone to favour Midoriya. One of Katsuki's many hesitations about seeking help is his awareness that he will always be perceived as the aggressor whereas Midoriya will be seen as the blameless victim due to their past.
"We need to turn right here," Katsuki says, gesturing in the direction they need to turn.
"Bakugou? Do you disagree with my assessment of Midoriya?" Iida asks tentatively, when it becomes apparent that Katsuki does not plan to talk further about their previous topic.
"I just think you only see what he wants you to."
In confusion Iida looks at him, "but is that not true of everyone to a certain extent?"
"To a certain extent, yes."
"I'm afraid I'm not sure what you are trying to imply. I accept we all seek to showcase ourselves in the best possible light but I'm under the impression that you mean something more extreme than that."
Katsuki, kicks at the ground in front of him as he walks. He came into this conversation looking for answers but now it seems like he's being the one pressured to give them. Testing the waters Katsuki asks Iida if he thinks Midoriya has the capability for malice.
"Hmm...well philosophically I'd say yes...circumstances can push us to act in ways we never thought we would, I experienced this myself when my brother was attacked. I couldn't say so at the time but now I can admit my thoughts were not the most heroic...but Midoriya is so virtuous, I couldn't imagine him acting to harm others unless something really pushed him over the edge. And I think the circumstances necessary to do that would have to be pretty extraordinary. At his core, I don't think he's a malicious person at all, though he, like everyone, does have the capability to do some pretty terrible things, I don't think he's the type of person who would enjoy it."
Katsuki pauses to recheck the map on his phone. According to the app they have reached their destination, but Katsuki cannot see anything even vaguely resembling a coffee-shop.
Iida interrupts Katsuki's mutterings that they better not have been sent to the wrong place, to indicate a small pink building that looks like a house. "I think that's it," he says. Katsuki doesn't deign to respond, instead he immediately starts walking up the cobbled path that leads to the entrance.
"Why are you asking all these questions anyway? I know you've had your issues but I had the understanding you two had worked on your relationship these past few years?"
Katsuki grunts non-committedly as he tries to open the door. Upon his discovery the door is locked, Katsuki goes to peer through a frosted glass window. When he draws back, shaking his head, Iida takes his phone out of his pocket to text Yaoyorozu. As he does so, Iida distractedly asks Katsuki if he thinks Midoriya is a good person. Katsuki pauses his hammering on the door and considers his words carefully before replying. In Katsuki's opinion Iida has a tendency to jump to conclusions quickly, but perhaps that could be beneficial.
"He's not what you think he is. He's not even what I thought he was."
Iida is struck by Katsuki's subdued tone. His body language is passive, a shocking contrast to his usual brash presence. There is a wealth of emotion behind his words and Katsuki appears to have an almost wistful look in his eyes. Although Iida wishes to question the other boy further, he can tell they have reached an impasse. It appears that Katsuki has been as forthcoming as he's going to be about this and will not share anything further. As much as he'd like to probe the situation more, previous experience had taught Iida that when Katsuki is in this sort of a mood the best course of action is to let things be.
Feeling awkward, Iida adjusts his glasses as he casts around for an appropriate transition into another topic. "So Yaoyorozu texted us back, she says it is a word-of-mouth type place? And the real doorbell is hidden here," as he speaks, Iida flicks the catch that exposes the hidden doorbell and presses. A prolonged low-pitched beep is followed by the crackling of an intercom above them from which a clipped disembodied voice informs them they'll be met at the door shortly. Though Iida looks unaffected, Katsuki can't help but shake his head at all the cloak and dagger to enter a coffee shop. As the two boys lapse into silence Katsuki finds that a part of him is intensely hoping that Iida will interrogate his prior ambiguous statement.
He tries not to feel disappointed when Iida doesn't.
Even if he had asked what I meant it isn't like I could have told him, Katsuki broods rather mournfully. He's just so isolated in his current experience that he merely wishes that somebody else - anybody else - was informed about Midoriya's deviousness even if he can't tell anybody about his specific circumstances.