Songfic to "Have You Ever" by Brandy
Have you ever loved somebody so much it makes you cry? I have. He was the most important person in the world to me. He was an obsession, an addiction. I can say with a clear conscience that I will never love anyone as much as I did him. His name? Draco Malfoy.
Have you ever needed someone so bad you cant sleep at night? I would spend every hour of every night thinking about him. The way he used to hold me close. How I would feel his heartbeat during those moments.
Have you ever tried to find the words but they don't come out right? I remember when he first told me he loved me. I was in complete shock. I tried to respond but I couldnt breathe. It was quite sudden when he told me. My tongue was in knots. Stupid, stupid Hermione!
Have you ever? Have you ever?
Have you ever been in love, been in love so bad that you'd do anything to make them understand? It all started in the library. I had been seeing him in there more and more. I had never realized how devoted he was to his schoolwork. I would watch him study occasionally. I'd work up the courage to say something but every time I approached him, he had a glare or a sneer on his face.
Have you ever had someone steal your heart away, you'd give anything to make them feel the same? One day, I had to borrow a book from him. When I asked him he looked up at me and I expected the usual mudblood comment but when I saw his face, his expression was soft. I was taken aback by this as he handed me the book. I realized he was tired (it was much past lights out, prefects can use the library much later).
Have you ever searched for words to get you in their heart, but you don't know what to say, and you don't know where to start? Looking into his for once soft eyes, I wanted to tell him how hed been affecting me the past few weeks. But I was nervous. "Thank you" was all I said.
Have you ever loved somebody so much it makes you cry? Have you ever needed someone so bad you can't sleep at night? Have you ever tried to find the words but they don't come out right? He came to me one afternoon, sulky as usual. "Snape says you have to tutor me," he snapped. I had not been notified of this but I didnt do anything to refuse. We spent hours talking about potions, and a lot about other things, some more school, but even Quidditch and music and other hobbies snuck their way into conversation. He was surprisingly curious about the muggle life.
Have you ever? Have you ever?
Have you ever found the one you've dreamed of all of your life? You'd do just about anything to look into their eyes. We had these tutoring sessions often. We didnt plan them, we just met. I couldnt get over his steel grey eyes. They werent the shielded glaring eyes I had seen in the past. They were deep and thoughtful. I was unconsciously staring at his eyes one day when I realized he was staring back. Embarrassed, I looked away. Or at least I tried to. But it's hard to look away from someone when they've tilted your chin up and locked you in a kiss. "I love you, Hermione," he whispered after breaking off. "I love you."
Have you finally found the one you've given your heart to only to find that one won't give their heart to you? After that he stopped coming to me for tutoring. When I told Snape he was skipping his sessions, he said Draco had never been assigned extra lessons.
Have you ever closed your eyes and dreamed that they were there, and all you can do is wait for the day when they will care? I never stopped hoping he would come back and ask for my help. I only saw him briefly during a few classes and he never cast a glance my way. I never stopped waiting for him to come back.
Have you ever loved somebody so much it makes you cry? Have you ever needed someone so bad you can't sleep at night? Have you ever tried to find the words but they don't come out right? I spent many hours of many nights crying and wondering what to do. Were there any words that could express to him the pain I was going through? I imagined several circumstances that could arise where I would say just the right thing and he'd return to me. But those were only dreams.
Have you ever? Have you ever?
"What do I have to do to hold you again? What do I have to say to get you to love me again? To make you understand that I need you next to me? I need you in my world. I can't sleep because I'm thinking about you!" This is what I said to him when I saw him in the library late at night again. He looked at me a bit dazed. Almost as though he was wondering why I was even talking to him. But his eyes seemed clouded. "There's nothing you can do," he replied, looking back at his book. I broke down crying, sobbing, "Why? Why?" He knelt down and held me. Then he tilted my chin up as he had done that fist day he kissed me. But he did not kiss me. Instead he looked into my eyes and told me, "Father says I'm forbidden to see you."
Have you ever loved somebody so much it makes you cry? Have you ever needed someone so bad you can't sleep at night? Have you ever tried to find the words but they don't come out right? He forced me to get over him. But I couldnt do it completely. I still feel my heart pound when I see him. I still feel tears when he seems not to notice me there. I don't know how to deal with this ache. I've fallen in love with the one person I could never have.
Have you ever? Have you ever?